RCKS 30

Summer at 20 & 21 (1)

“Yoonsan, did you pack everything without forgetting anything?”

“Uh-huh. But Mom, didn’t you say we were taking the camper anyway?”

For Lee Yoonsan, who had just turned 20, summer vacation and camping descended upon him at the same time. Since it was his first vacation in his first year of college, he had considered calling Shin Soohyun or Kim Jihoo to hang out, but that plan had long since fallen through. It was all due to the Jeju camping trip his parents had proposed before the vacation even started.

Lee Yoonsan’s parents had spoken of the camping plans before his vacation began, unable to hide their immense excitement. It was only natural, as they hadn’t been able to go camping, their lifelong hobby, while their business grew and Lee Yoonsan was growing up. Their business was now on a completely stable track, and the division of labor with their executives was so clear that the two owners could work from home even if they were away for a long time. And most importantly, Lee Yoonsan’s manifestation period and growth spurt were over.

At 177cm, taller than the average South Korean male, Lee Yoonsan’s physical growth had finished perfectly. His internal organs were now fully settled, he no longer needed painkillers, his hormones still maintained a textbook balance, and his pheromone control was perfect. There had been no endocrine disruption from his alpha pheromones during his growth, nor was there any of the ‘teasing’ that a young Lee Yoonsan had worried about in the early days of his manifestation.

After becoming an adult and entering college, Lee Yoonsan, despite his introverted nature, was able to start a smooth college life and now had a fair number of friends. It was something he hadn’t experienced in a long time, not since he was very young. In middle school, his self-esteem was low due to his insecurities about his appearance, and in high school, he only hung out with the friends he was comfortable with and poured all his energy into staying in touch with Hwang Haekyung, so he had never thought about other friends.

In fact, thinking back on it now, he wondered if his encounter with Hwang Haekyung wasn’t the very thing that stopped him from ruminating on his appearance complex. The day he met Hwang Haekyung at the amusement park, Hwang Haekyung had recognized him at a glance, even though he had lost a lot of weight and looked different, and smiled at him. Without avoiding or teasing him like when they were kids. Even after that, Hwang Haekyung didn’t really give Lee Yoonsan an opening to think negatively about his own looks. Though, of course, that was probably not his intention.

Hwang Haekyung, however busy he was, had consistently kept in touch through DMs, and at the time, Lee Yoonsan was at an age where he was susceptible to the influence of contact from the popular and handsome Hwang Haekyung, as well as the envious and curious gazes from those around him. Before that, Lee Yoonsan had been unable to properly accept compliments about his appearance even when Shin Soohyun or Kim Jihoo told him, ‘I’m telling you, you look fine.’

But as the curious and envious gazes from his surroundings continued for several years, his defenses inevitably began to crumble. It was like a long, situation-driven persuasion.

Do I really look fine? Is that why Hwang Haekyung keeps sending me DMs? It seems like the other kids don’t think ‘who does he think he is?’ even when I say I’m talking to an alpha, right? As these thoughts continued into high school, his focus on his complex couldn’t help but blur. Even if it wasn’t completely resolved. Thinking back now, it seems like such a childish and trivial way to get mental therapy, but for the sixteen-to-eighteen-year-old Lee Yoonsan, it was entirely possible. He was still at an age where he used the gazes of others as a mirror to see himself.

And so, Lee Yoonsan became an adult. And he was going camping on Jeju Island with his parents, who had eagerly awaited their son becoming an adult. His parents could now take a long, month-long vacation, and a university’s summer break is longer than a middle or high schooler’s, so they would be able to fully enjoy a leisurely and pleasant summer vacation.

“There’s too much stuff, Mom.”

“We’re going to various places in Jeju, and to Biyangdo and Udo too. We’ll go to at least five places in Jeju alone. We have to visit all the famous spots.”

“Biyangdo? Udo? You’re saying we’re going to take another boat from there to a different island?”

“Of course. Let’s finally get our fill of all the traveling we couldn’t do!”

“I don’t have any regrets to get over….”

As Lee Yoonsan stared in horror at the luggage occupying not only the inside of the camper but also the roof box, Lee Jungwon replied excitedly while loading the remaining camping gear. She gestured with her chin for Lee Yoonsan to help, and in the end, Lee Yoonsan had to follow Lee Jungwon, making trips between the house and the camper for a solid thirty minutes to load the luggage.

“Please, let’s go somewhere without bugs.”

“The only bug-free camping is winter camping.”

“Ugh….”

Lee Yoonsan, already shuddering at the thought of bugs, climbed into the camper. Although he had gotten his license recently, Lee Gaeun and Lee Jungwon were scheduled to take turns driving. To take the camper, they had to go to Jeju Island by ferry, not by plane, which meant a long drive to Wando Port.

“It’s been a while since we had a family trip, right?”

“Yeah. I’m kind of looking forward to Jeju.”

“We’re going to stop by Haekyung’s aunt’s place for a bit while we’re there. We decided to go camping together. Like old times.”

“Then, Mom.”

“Yes?”

“…Never mind.”

On the way to Wando Port, hearing this news, Lee Yoonsan closed his mouth just as he was about to ask if Hwang Haekyung was coming too. Since Hwang Haekyung was the one who had unilaterally cut off contact since the day the Tokyo Olympics volleyball semi-finals ended—that is, the summer Lee Yoonsan turned eighteen—Lee Yoonsan didn’t particularly want to be curious either. Yes, regardless of how he truly felt, it was right that he didn’t want to be curious. His pride was hurt. In fact, he still found himself wondering about Hwang Haekyung from time to time, and his pride was hurt even by his own self, who would secretly crane his neck to listen whenever he saw his mothers talking on the phone with Hwang Haekyung’s parents, hoping to hear news about him.

And Lee Jungwon, who glanced at Lee Yoonsan, smiled wryly and said, as if in answer.

“Haekyung won’t be there.”

Of course, she wasn’t saying this because she knew that Hwang Haekyung and Lee Yoonsan had been in contact for a while. They had both kept it a complete secret from their families. It wasn’t a matter of a mutual promise. It was just something like an unspoken rule among minors who didn’t want to get in trouble.

Upon hearing his mother’s words, Lee Yoonsan felt both relieved and, on the other hand, sad and disappointed. He slumped his upper body over the table in front of him. It wasn’t a car converted into a camper, but one originally built for camping, so the interior was well-equipped with enough items and facilities for daily life. Lee Yoonsan rested his head on the cool surface of the table and watched the trees and scenery whizzing by the window. As he closed his eyes, feeling the air conditioner breeze on his back, sleep quickly washed over him. It seemed that waking up at dawn to pack and going back and forth between the house and the camper was the cause of his deep slumber.

The music playing in the vehicle slowly faded from his ears, and then his consciousness sank. Lee Yoonsan, having fallen asleep like that, didn’t wake up until they arrived at Wando Port and the vehicle was being loaded onto the ferry.

“I want to go swimming.”

“Did you put on sunscreen?”

“Yeah. But I’m going to get tanned anyway.”

After arriving in Jeju, the family first headed to a campsite located in Hamdeok, which was relatively close to Jeju Port. After parking in the car-camping spot and taking in the scenery outside, Lee Yoonsan changed into his swimsuit inside the camper and came out to tell his mothers. His mothers touched Lee Yoonsan’s arms to check if he had applied sunscreen properly, applied another layer of sun balm to his face, and then pointed toward the beach in the distance, giving him permission to go on his own.

At that, Lee Yoonsan started to run straight for the beach, but then went back into the camper, got an inner tube and a portable air pump, and started inflating it. After confirming that the tube was fully inflated, Lee Gaeun took the air pump from Lee Yoonsan and placed a bag containing snorkeling gear into her son’s arms.

“Go play, son. We’ll come over after we tidy up a bit.”

“Okay!”

While Lee Gaeun searched for their swimsuits in the pile of luggage, Lee Jungwon looked for the inner tube they would play with. They didn’t forget to organize the inside of the camper a little and set up the charcoal and grill equipment to make it easy to start a fire. As Lee Yoonsan headed for the beach, he looked back, wondering if he should help his mothers, but he knew very well that both Lee Gaeun and Lee Jungwon were people who enjoyed even that kind of preparation as part of camping. That they felt a thrill setting up new equipment and doing outdoor activities.

Arriving at the beach, Lee Yoonsan was about to casually spread his gear on the ground and take off his shirt, but instead just rolled up his sleeves to his shoulders. Even though it was a beach, it wasn’t the kind of atmosphere for setting up parasols and tents, and the beach itself was too narrow and small for that anyway, so he tossed the snorkeling bag on the ground, put the tube around his body, and strode into the sea.

In contrast to the stinging sunlight, a chilly wave hit his body, and a laugh escaped him. Lee Yoonsan didn’t particularly like bugs or mountains, but he quite liked the sea and water. He wasn’t a good swimmer, but even when he was little, he used to play in the pool or the sea until his skin was completely tanned, then come out and feel happy eating the cup ramen his mothers gave him.

“Ah, I forgot my phone.”

While he was floating on the tube and snorkeling to look at the debris and seaweed floating in the sea, he felt like something was missing, and then remembered he’d left his phone behind. Shin Soohyun and Kim Jihoo, with whom he remained close, would have sent him a ton of messages, but Lee Yoonsan didn’t want to get out with his wet body right now, so he quickly gave up on his phone.

The feeling of bobbing on the sea in his tube was nice. So was looking at the few palm trees planted on the distant shore while floating on the seawater. Because every scene that entered his eyes felt entirely like summer. Lee Yoonsan repeatedly brushed back his wet hair, dipped his face in and out of the sea, and when the waves pushed him to the shallows, he would wring out or shake off the shorts-slash-swimsuit that came down to his mid-thighs. They weren’t tight-fitting swim trunks but rather shorts closer to surfing beachwear, so they tended to ride up in the water, but since the beach was small and there were few people around, he didn’t feel self-conscious.

Then he suddenly felt the tube flip over and opened his eyes, only to find that his parents, who had already entered the water, had begun their prank. Lee Yoonsan and his parents had a rambunctious water fight, flipping each other’s tubes and diving underwater. They took an interest in some strange-looking seaweed, came out to the beach for a moment, and then jumped back into the sea when their feet hurt on the sand and gravel that had been thoroughly heated by the sun. Since the beach itself was small, they had to go a little deeper for proper snorkeling, and the family played there for a good while longer.

After a long swim, they returned to the camper and had cup ramen and beer. For Lee Yoonsan, it was the first time he’d had a drink with his family. Both of Lee Yoonsan’s parents could hold their liquor, so the two of them drank a stout with a higher alcohol content, while Lee Yoonsan, a novice drinker, had a fruit-flavored ale. It was a drink with a sweet aroma and taste that wasn’t overwhelming.

After that, they took a short nap, then came back outside to have a charcoal barbecue while watching the sunset over the evening sea. Lee Jungwon grilled the meat, and Lee Gaeun brought out the alcohol they had packed and made Lee Yoonsan a cocktail called a ‘piña colada.’ The smooth drink, which tasted of pineapple and coconut, went perfectly with the hot weather and the beach.

“Yoonsan, your mothers are sorry for being so thoughtlessly aloof while you were growing up.”

The person who suddenly made this confession-like statement was Lee Jungwon. She hesitated for a moment, as if about to say something very awkward and embarrassing, then pushed another log into the campfire and casually brought it up. At that, the corners of Lee Yoonsan’s eyes drooped and softened.

“No, why would you say that….”

“The way we dragged you along on camping trips and all that. We thought we were taking good care of you, but we missed a lot. We keep belatedly realizing how we weren’t attentive enough to you. Thinking, we should have paid more attention to our baby potato.”

Lee Jungwon said these things in a calm voice. And next to her, Lee Gaeun also nodded and smiled wistfully. Only Lee Yoonsan looked at them with a surprised face, and he felt like he was about to cry at the unexpected confession. It felt as if their apology included not just his childhood but also the present, this very camping trip.

In truth, Lee Yoonsan knew well. That it is rare for parents to apologize for things in the past. It might be because many things get diluted over time, and also because it’s common for them to have had their own reasons at the time. Therefore, Lee Yoonsan had never expected such words from his mothers.

“Now that we have more time, we’re finally realizing it and regretting it.”

Lee Gaeun said this and took a sip of her beer. And that was all. She didn’t make any excuses after that. Not even the most plausible one that Lee Yoonsan knew well, ‘We were busy.’

Lee Yoonsan’s eyes grew hot at Lee Jungwon’s and Lee Gaeun’s words, and he lowered his head. Fortunately, he managed to hold back his tears, but he couldn’t say anything because he thought his voice would tremble if he opened his mouth. Lee Yoonsan thought back to his mothers when they used to go camping during his childhood.

Back then, they were in their mid-to-late 30s at most, a time when they played a pivotal role in society. It was also a time when they were busy building their careers and leveling up. To Lee Yoonsan, they were his mothers, but in society, they were team leaders in an investment team that gave opportunities to startups and venture companies. They were always busy and had solid careers. They had a lot of passion and ambition for their work. And because they were so busy, Lee Yoonsan was able to grow up comfortably under their care. In a good house, eating good food, and wearing good things.

For them back then, those vacation camping trips must have been one of their few joys. The younger Lee Yoonsan had disliked them because he had no friends and there were only lots of bugs, but now he knew that for them, it was a way to relieve stress and a time to heal their hearts. It would be a lie to say there were no hard feelings between them as they grew up, but words spoken openly like this from time to time were like an ointment, providing comfort just by being offered.

“I love you, Yoonsan.”

“I… I love you too, Moms….”

“Is our baby potato crying?”

“I’m not a baby or a potato anymore, so why do you keep calling me that…!”

That night, Lee Yoonsan’s family grilled meat and pineapple over the charcoal fire all night, drinking alcohol alongside it, and their first day in Jeju passed just like that.

After about three days in Jeju, Lee Yoonsan’s skin had turned the color of a well-baked chocolate cookie. Lee Gaeun had him wear a Hawaiian shirt and told him he was a true Hawaiian boy, even handing him a pineapple juice. Lee Jungwon agreed, placed a straw hat on her son’s head, and snapped several pictures. Lee Yoonsan fled from his mothers and headed back to the sea, and that afternoon, a small accident finally occurred.

While coming out of the sea after playing, Lee Yoonsan stepped on a broken soju bottle that was among the pebbles on the beach. Lee Yoonsan didn’t make a big fuss about the wound on his foot, but his parents did. The piece of broken glass Lee Yoonsan had stepped on was quite large, and since the injury occurred right after he came out of the seawater, there was a risk of infection.