CCS Ch 10
by soapa“Did you eat dinner?”
Housekeeper Kim cautiously asked as Semin shuffled in. Semin quickly forced a smile and nodded.
“Yes, I ate.”
“Should I cut you some mango?”
“Ah, no. I’m full… I’ll eat it tomorrow.”
Housekeeper Kim looked dubious but didn’t press further. So, Semin didn’t refuse the orange juice she offered.
“Lately, you haven’t been driving your car, you haven’t been taking photos… Are you feeling unwell?”
“…No. It’s just that there haven’t been many open training sessions lately, so…”
Semin hastily excused himself and took a sip of juice. Housekeeper Kim’s face finally relaxed a bit.
“Alright. If anything’s wrong, you tell me right away.”
“Yes.”
It wasn’t easy to hide subtle changes from the guardian he’d had since birth. Semin finished his evening greetings and headed to the second floor. His heart, turbulent as a stormy sea, refused to calm down.
Leaning against his closed door, he let out a long sigh. A large bag he’d placed next to his desk caught his eye. Come to think of it, it had been a while since he’d taken care of his equipment. Semin forced his depleted energy and opened the bag, taking out his camera body.
He opened his internet browser and was about to access his bookmarked camera maintenance page when he noticed a red notification on his photography community page.
“Huh?”
Zooming in, he saw it was a new message. Semin tilted his head and opened his inbox.
From: Dadofdaughters
To: Colorgenic
Hello~ Colorgenic-nim..^^
Summer is approaching, I hope you are doing well…
The reason I’m suddenly messaging you is… did you delete the picture you uploaded yesterday…ㅜ.ㅜ Is it because of me;; I wanted to say that your photo was really cool~ and Hyun Yooho is so handsome… I wanted to tell you that, but to say that, I kind of… overdid it with the comment about deleting the photo;; I absolutely had no bad intentions…
It was just this old man acting foolish, so if by any chance~ you were offended, I’m sorry, and I’m sending this message hoping you won’t take it to heart ㅜ.ㅜ Really sorry.
“…Oh, uh, no.”
Semin sat up straight and quickly clicked the reply button. Thinking about it, it made sense that someone would be flustered and worried if a photo they’d commented on suddenly disappeared.
From: Colorgenic
To: Dadofdaughters
Hello, Dadofdaughters-nim.
I’m sorry I suddenly deleted the picture. I deleted it because I looked at it again and wasn’t satisfied. I was embarrassed, so please don’t worry about it. Thank you for always looking at my pictures.
This should do. Semin pressed send and breathed a sigh of relief. As he took out his cleaning supplies and laid them out, a reply arrived.
From: Dadofdaughters
To: Colorgenic
Colorgenic-nim! Thanks for the reply~ ^^ By the way, it was a really cool picture, but it wasn’t good enough for you… As expected, our standards are differentㅡ.ㅡ;;
And while I’m at it, can I ask you one more thing~? It’s nothing much..^^ My wife really~ loves your pictures haha
She says she just~ feels energized whenever she sees Hyun Yooho’s pictures…
―.―;; Sigh
My high school daughters are also singing Hyun Yooho Hyun Yooho these days following their mom.. If I ask them who they like more, me or Hyun Yooho, they say it’s a stupid question ㅠ.ㅠ
Anyway~ for that reason lol would it be okay if I printed a few of the Hyun Yooho pictures you’ve uploaded…? My daughter wants to put them in her diary haha
Please reply… Thank you^^
From: Colorgenic
To: Dadofdaughters
Hello, Dadofdaughters-nim.
Feel free to print the photos. If you need higher resolution, I can send them via email.
I’m also planning to go to the Asian Games, so I can send you more new photos when I take them.
His fingers, busy typing, suddenly stopped. Of course, he was planning to attend all of Yooho’s matches at the Asian Games. Sungmin had promised to get him tickets. But the first thing that came to mind was Myunghoon’s face as he turned away, holding back what he wanted to say.
“…….”
Semin deleted the last sentence and sent the message. He clicked on the free board to lift his gloomy mood, and coincidentally, ‘Dadofdaughters’ post was at the top.
Title: Raising daughters is pointlessㅠㅠ
Content: Do you know what this photo is? It’s what my daughters sent to some idol singer with money they pooled together with their internet friends~ ㅠ They ordered it from a hotel that only makes VIP lunch boxes… When I asked them where they got the money, they said they used their Lunar New Year’s money. Seriously―.―;;
They said it wasn’t a lot of their own money since several people pitched in… The funny thing is they’re not just giving it to the singer but to all the staff at the filming location too. They asked them to take good care of their favorite singer―.―;; Wow…
I told them to send one to my workplace too, but they said I get recognized at work without needing these things~ They said it so nicely I couldn’t even get mad lol
Today too, I’ll be eating a convenience store lunch box and going to work overtime~ ㅠ.ㅠ I hope you all enjoy a delicious meal..^^
Comments
BloodlessRoad: Sniff sniff… I smell a subtle brag…^^ I’m always envious of how harmonious your family seems haha
TwinPapa: That lunch box is amazing. I didn’t know such a thing existed;; Is that abalone?
⤷ Dadofdaughters: Do you think it’s only abalone? The meat is all Korean beef too..ㅠㅠ The drinks are all~~ fresh juice;; Just one glass of that costs eight thousand won;;
Lunch box… Semin mumbled blankly and opened a new internet tab. He searched for ‘VIP lunch box,’ and the website of the hotel he frequented popped up. His hand moved the mouse faster and faster. Semin stayed glued to his monitor past midnight.
***
“Yooho, eat lunch on the first floor today. A fan is sending something.”
The coach said with a bright smile as soon as he entered the morning training hall. Fans occasionally sent snacks or lunch boxes, but it was the first time the coach had announced it from the morning. Yooho stopped checking his shoulder and asked,
“Eat on the first floor? Why?”
“They called the office yesterday asking how many people were here, including the athletes training in the afternoon, their families, and the staff. They said they’re treating everyone.”
“Huh…?”
Why would they do that…? Yooho tilted his head in confusion. The coach patted him on the back as if to say, “Don’t you know?”
“Dummy, they’re doing it to boost your morale.”
“But why would my morale get boosted by them buying everyone else lunch?”
“You’ll see when you get there. I hope it’s delicious. Will there be meat?”
Humming a tune as if the mere thought excited him, the coach walked out. Yooho decided to put aside his lingering questions and focus on training. He wasn’t particularly excited, as lunch at the training hall usually just meant fulfilling necessary calories and nutrients.
“Dude, no way, this is insane.”
That’s why he could maintain his nonchalant attitude even when Myunghoon rushed in with a flushed face as soon as lunchtime arrived.
“What, is there meat?”
“That’s not the point right now. Just come out quickly.”
Yooho’s eyes widened as he followed Myunghoon out of the gym. Three long food trucks were lined up between the gym entrance and the parking lot.
【Enjoy your meal! Supporting the Korean National Swimming Team. ― Hyun Yooho Fan Club】
Yooho stared blankly at the banner on the truck roof, his eyes slowly scanning left and right. Several staff members in chef hats were busily preparing food inside the food trucks. The menu was diverse, including Western, Chinese, and Korean cuisine. Right next to the entrance, they were making and handing out juice with various fresh fruits.
“….What is all this…”
“Dude, is that lobster? Am I seeing things?”
Myunghoon muttered, nudging Yooho’s side. The menu was nothing short of luxurious. With grilled lobster, lamb steak, Korean beef short ribs, and abalone porridge, it felt like an entire expensive hotel buffet had been brought over. Myunghoon quickly grabbed some tableware and handed Yooho a plate, muttering,
“Who sent this anyway? It just says Hyun Yooho Fan Club, how are we supposed to know who it is?”
“…….”
“Do you know? Who sent this?”
“….I don’t know.”
Only one name came to mind, but he kept it to himself. Instead, he took a picture of the food piled high on his plate and sent it to Semin. The read receipt appeared quickly, but the reply came much later.
[Wow, looks delicious! Did a fan send it? 12:15]
See? Yooho grinned and typed a message while chewing on a rib.
[12:16 How can you tell just by looking at a picture?]
[12:17 I didn’t say I received it.]
This time, there was no reply. Yooho smiled to himself and finished his plate. The steak, freshly grilled by a professional chef, melted in his mouth before he could chew it properly. Myunghoon stood up and asked,
“Stay put. I’ll get more. What else do you want?”
“Anything with meat.”
Yooho answered casually and pressed the call button. After a while, Semin answered the phone in a small voice.
― How did you know I sent it…?
“How did I know?”
― …….
“Thanks. I had a feast thanks to you.”
Finally, a sigh of relief escaped from the other end of the line. Yooho leaned back in his chair and asked in a low voice,
“But why did you suddenly send this? Was the lunch box you had before that bad?”
― Ah, no. No. It’s not like that… It’s just that the weather is getting hotter… and I thought you should have something delicious for lunch for once…
“Really?”
― If it was unnecessary…
“It wasn’t unnecessary. I told you it was delicious. But you don’t have to do this next time.”
He tried to speak as considerately as possible, but he wasn’t sure if it got across properly. Semin had gone silent again.
It would have been nice if he had just accepted the gesture gratefully without complaint. But he couldn’t help but be annoyed by the sight of the other athletes and staff, who usually didn’t even bother with greetings, happily devouring the food. Why are you feeding those guys too when you could be buying good food for me? What do you like about them so much?
“Anyway, thanks.”
― …Yes.
He felt bad for the dejected voice, but he didn’t have time for a long explanation. Yooho looked down at the disconnected phone and sighed softly. He felt like he had said something unnecessary.
“Who were you talking to?”
Myunghoon, back with two plates piled high with various meats, asked with a bright smile. Yooho shook his head and picked up his chopsticks.
“No one.”
“Man, these guys are eating well. I guess it’s been a while since they’ve had something like this.”
Myunghoon chuckled, gesturing towards the staff lined up in front of the trucks. Yooho mumbled in agreement and chewed his food.
“This must be really expensive, they’re really generous. Looks like they sent a huge amount too.”
“That’s what I’m saying… Why spend money on something like this.”
Of course, for them, this probably isn’t even considered money. Myunghoon clicked his tongue at Yooho’s grumbling.
“Why do you think? They’re doing it to boost your morale.”
“I don’t get it… Those guys are getting a free meal, why would my morale go up?”
“You’re so clueless. This is all about showing off. They’re showing everyone that Hyun Yooho has a passionate fandom backing him up, so they shouldn’t mess with him.”
“…….”
“And that’s not all. Even if they’re thick-skinned, do you think they can say anything unnecessary to you after getting a free meal like this?”
…Is that so? I think they would still do it. Yooho looked skeptically at the athletes who were still excitedly emptying their plates.
“Tell the coach thank you later. Besides the money, they seem to have put a lot of thought into choosing the caterers. The effort is appreciated.”
Showing off. Don’t mess with Hyun Yooho. Yooho stopped eating and stared at the cross-section of the steak, soaked in red juices. He remembered Semin’s thin shoulders trembling like aspen leaves after stepping up to defend him.
“……..”
A bitter smile spread across his face. He felt like he had said something unnecessary.
From: Dadofdaughters
To: Colorgenic
Colorgenic-nim! Thank you for allowing me~^^
I tried printing the pictures you uploaded, and they came out clear enough lol My daughters are so happy~ lol Thanks to you, I feel a little proud^^ lol
Are you going to the Asian Games? Since it’s in Korea… My oldest daughter said she’d study hard if I let her see Hyun Yooho compete just once, so I’m thinking of trying to get tickets haha I don’t know if she’ll actually keep her promise~ We’ll see when the time comes―.―;;
By the way, don’t you take other pictures? Next week, a few of us are planning to go to Gapyeong for a photo shoot~ lol To take pictures of birds haha
If you have time, let’s go together~ We can take pictures of pretty birds and eat delicious spicy fish stew..^^ It’ll be fun haha
From: Colorgenic
To: Dadofdaughters
Hello, Dadofdaughters-nim.
Thank you for the invitation. But I don’t have experience with group photo shoots… I’m worried I’ll be a burden.
His hand, paused above the keyboard, pressed backspace. If he wrote this, it would sound like he really wanted to go. He knew roughly what the community members’ photo shoots were like from the occasional posts they made. He didn’t think he could keep up with their schedule, which involved taking photos all day from morning and having three hearty meals.
More than anything, he wasn’t interested in birds as subjects. Semin closed the message window and clicked on the Best Gallery. Various photos taken by various people were displayed. Children, racing models, sunsets, mountains, cats, and even birds. Everything.
Do you have any other pictures of Hyun Yooho?
He had received that question repeatedly in different forms while exchanging messages. Staring blankly at the monitor, Semin picked up his phone. He opened the gallery, and the first photo that appeared was Yooho’s profile, standing in front of the studio building.
“……..”
He zoomed in on the face. Despite the poor quality, Yooho’s distinct features were clearly visible. His downcast gaze was serenely settled.
‘You don’t have to do this next time.’
He could hear Yooho’s carefully added words, and he couldn’t bear it anymore. Semin put down his phone and buried his face in his desk. Ah… a groan escaped his lips and echoed in the air. He rubbed his aching forehead and clenched his fists so tight his nails dug into his palms.
‘I overdid it again.’
Even while preparing the catered lunch all day, he had some doubts. Would Hyun Yooho really like this? He had remained anonymous for that reason. He had a feeling Yooho might not be pleased.
I should’ve stopped then. Resting his chin on his hand, he let out a gloomy sigh. Sometimes, Semin wondered if he was the only one who couldn’t see the path that was clearly visible to everyone else.
“What time is it…?”
He forced himself up and checked the wall clock. It was almost 8 pm, but Yooho, who had promised to call in the evening, hadn’t contacted him yet. He hadn’t let go of his phone for the past two hours for fear of missing the call.
Should I call him first? Of course, he didn’t have the courage. Fidgeting restlessly, Semin finally stood up. He felt like he needed some water to clear his head.
The moment he grabbed the doorknob, his phone vibrated. He turned around and rushed back to his desk. Seeing Hyun Yooho’s name, the tension that had been constricting his ribs like a vice softened.
“H, hello…”
He pressed the phone to his ear only to realize the call wasn’t connected. He fumbled to press the call button and took a deep breath.
“Hello.”
Thankfully, his voice sounded normal. Yooho seemed to chuckle softly on the other end.
― What took you so long to answer?
“I’m… I’m sorry.”
― I’m kidding. You usually answer right away.
“……..”
― I thought you were upset with me.
Semin blinked in confusion. Upset? With Hyun Yooho? He couldn’t understand. His lips parted in disbelief. When Semin didn’t answer, Yooho hummed slowly.
― First, I want to make one thing clear.
The serious tone made his heart race again. Semin waited for the next words with his fingers clenched.
― I don’t like it when someone cares for anyone but me.
“…Yes?”
― Even if it’s not something expensive. I don’t like it when you give something, even a pebble you picked up on the street, to someone else’s hand.
“……..”
― So next time, just give it to me. Whether it’s a pebble or an expensive meal.
Do you understand what I’m saying? Yooho asked, but Semin couldn’t answer easily. Because he didn’t understand. As the silence continued, Yooho asked again.
― What, are you disappointed because it’s too childish?
“N, n, no. No, it’s not that…”
― Or was I being vague? I’m saying I don’t like it when you focus on anyone other than me.
“……..”
― Give it all to me. Your attention.
Thump, his heart pounded so hard it felt like it had risen to his throat. Semin pressed a hand to his chest and took a deep breath. The blood rushing from the violent throbbing filled his face. His breath became hot, and his cheeks burned.
“…I…”
― Yes?
“Why… why are you doing this to me…?”
Yooho let out a short laugh, “Haha.”
― What did I do?
Ah, this is agonizing… Semin slid down and rested his forehead against the back of his chair. Of all the below-average functions of his body, his heart was the only thing working properly, and now even that seemed to be malfunctioning.
“…Why did you call so late today?”
He grumbled, trying to deflect, and Yooho hummed again, drawing out the sound.
“You usually call at 6…”
― If I call at 6, we can only talk until dinner. So I called after dinner and after showering. So we can talk longer.
“……..”
― Should I go back to calling at 6 tomorrow?
“No…”
As always, he couldn’t even retort properly. Semin rubbed his still-burning cheeks. It was a good thing they were on the phone. If he had been facing Yooho, he wouldn’t have been able to lift his head from embarrassment.
― Oh, there’s a final open training next Tuesday.
He heard the sound of pages turning, mixed with Yooho’s casual tone. Semin recalled the calendar hanging in Yooho’s room.
― There’s also an unofficial match between athletes competing in the same event. It’s like a final check of skills in a completely open setting.
“…Oh.”
― Once I go to Jincheon, it’ll be hard to see you until the competition… Ah, are you coming to watch the AG?
This year’s Asian Games were being held in Korea, and the swimming events were taking place in a gym on the outskirts of Gyeonggi Province. It was close, he could get tickets, there was no reason not to go.
“If I can…”
Can I go? Semin swallowed back the question that caught in his throat and licked his dry lips.
“I… I want to go.”
Fortunately, Yooho seemed to like his answer.
― Do you need a ticket?
“I, it’s okay. My sister… said she would get me one.”
― I’ll give you one. A good seat.
“……..”
― I’ll say it again, but I don’t like my attention being divided. If you come, you have to watch only me the whole time. Are you confident you can do that?
“Yes, totally…”
His stomach tickled. Semin lowered his blushing face. Just as he was about to say anything to keep the conversation going, Yooho spoke.
― Semin.
It was a usual call of his name, but there was a subtle hesitation to it. Semin straightened up involuntarily, “Yes.”
― Remember that time you fought with that guy who was talking nonsense to me in front of the gym?
“Yes? Wh…”
Thankfully, he remembered before Yooho finished his question. It was the day they went to eat grilled eel together.
― Were you bothered by that at all?
“…Yes?”
― Well, I was wondering if you misunderstood. Although it sounds like I’m putting myself down, that level of psychological warfare is common among athletes’ families.
“…?”
― It’s not like I’m being bullied one-sidedly, so you don’t have to worry.
Semin mulled over Yooho’s words and finally sighed, “Ah.” Yooho was saying he didn’t need anyone to appease or soothe others for him. He wanted to deny it, to say it wasn’t like that, but he lacked confidence.
‘They’re catering lunch for all the staff, asking them to take care of their singer.’
When he saw the post, he only thought about wanting Yooho to have a good meal, but was that really all? Rubbing his face, Semin finally opened his mouth.
“Yes… I’m sorry…”
― You don’t have to apologize. I’m just explaining because I thought you might be worried.
“……..”
― Athletes are sensitive to each other, so we don’t really say anything. That’s why families often have these kinds of psychological battles. But even then, after the competition, they act like nothing happened and get along fine.
I see… The tension gradually eased, and blood flow returned to his fingertips. Semin lay down on his bed and switched the phone to his other hand.
“But… I mostly wanted you to have a good meal.”
― I know, thanks. It was really delicious. I ate the most.
“Hee…”
He rolled over and lay flat on his back, and the ceiling looked unfamiliar today. The feeling of floating, of seeing familiar things in a new light, melted on the tip of his tongue.
“And back then… I was really, really angry, because…”
Yooho softly said, “Yes,” to his hushed words.
“I… I don’t like those kinds of words.”
― What kinds of words?
“The words that say your choice wasn’t the best…”
You should have given up. You should have thought more. You should have made a wise decision… How easy it was to throw out accusations by simply changing the words. Semin sometimes thought they were like a pack of hyenas. Those who eagerly pounce and tear apart at the sight of another’s failure. Saying your choice was wrong, that you should have known better… as if they had always made the best choices.
“They don’t even know the process behind making that choice, and they act all high and mighty just because they have the final result in their hands, it’s just so…”
― So?
“So… it… it’s…”
― Annoying?
“Gasp, no… I didn’t mean to say something that harsh…”
When he quickly denied it, Yooho burst into hearty laughter, “Ahahaha.”
― Is this a harsh word? I shouldn’t use it in the future then.
“No… I just, Housekeeper Kim doesn’t like bad words…”
― Really? Can I use it? You won’t be disappointed?
“No…”
Semin pouted. The more he got to know Yooho, the more playful he seemed. He was often swayed by Yooho, but sometimes, when he remembered their first meeting, he felt a sense of unfamiliarity. The indifferent eyes staring down at him, standing tall like a wall. The emotionless lips pressed together.
Ah, but even then, he caught me when I was about to fall…
― Semin.
Semin didn’t answer when Yooho called his name softly. He felt like he could do that. As he expected, Yooho continued without minding.
― Have you thought about it?
“……..”
― What you want to do with me.
What he wants to do with Hyun Yooho…
He liked being with him. As much as he liked it, he felt anxious. He was constantly aware of Yooho’s every move. He liked holding his hand, kissing him. His heart raced when their breaths mingled.
“…But, you know…”
― Yes.
You’re probably right.
“I’m a little scared…”
― Of what?
“……..”
A faint whisper escaped his parted lips. Scared of what? He was scared of everything. Semin’s fear was of change itself. The sensations that shook his whole being were unfamiliar, and he lacked the courage to jump into the unknown bonds of a relationship.
“…What if…”
What kind of person will I become the moment I accept these confusing feelings? The mere thought made him feel like he was standing alone on a single-log bridge without railings.
“…What if we… stay like this…?”
― Hmm…
Yooho drew out the end of his words.
― What do you mean by ‘stay like this’?
“…Yes?”
― Exchanging messages every day, talking on the phone whenever we have time, holding hands sometimes… Is that what you mean by ‘stay like this’?
It was exactly as Yooho described, but he couldn’t answer right away. Semin gulped and touched his forehead.
― But Semin, everyone has their own style.
“……”
― I only do that kind of thing with someone I’m dating.
His heart sank. His cheeks flushed hot. Semin, who had been pressing his lips tightly, hastily opened his mouth.
“Well, that, that’s… then……”
― I’m just letting you know. I don’t do these ticklish things with just friends.
“……”
― But if you’re okay with that, we can still be friends.
It was truly a fresh tone without any lingering attachment. Somehow, Semin’s throat felt hot and tight. With trembling lips firmly bitten, Semin hurriedly rolled his eyes around. He hadn’t realized that not only would he not be able to hold hands, but he also wouldn’t be able to call every day.
“I……”
What would happen then? If he couldn’t stay with Hyun Yooho as he was now.
“I, um……”
As the thought occurred to him, his words became choked with tears. Semin quickly shut his mouth and hastily wiped away the swelling tears.
― Semin?
As if it was a useless effort, Yooho’s voice immediately sank on the other end of the phone.
― Are you crying?
“……”
― Don’t cry. I was just joking.
“……”
― We can stay like we are now. I’ll make it so. Don’t cry. Okay?
“…N-no, I’m not crying… I’m sorry.”
Semin swallowed his tears with all his might. He quickly corrected his trembling voice. Nevertheless, Yooho comforted Semin again with a kind voice.
― There, there. Good boy.
“I’m… I’m not crying, I said.”
― Have you eaten dinner?
“Yes……”
The topic quickly shifted to trivial matters again. Yooho casually talked about new know-how he’d learned, records from the day, and how trying on uniforms was a hassle. Semin nodded absentmindedly and patched together appropriate responses, but nothing actually registered in his ears.
‘I only do that kind of thing with someone I’m dating.’
Yooho said it was a joke, but that couldn’t be true. Semin also knew enough to understand that this level of interaction wasn’t in the realm of simple friendship. If there were specific names for relationships between people, and clear lines drawn between them—Yooho was standing right on that line, looking back at Semin. Saying he would cross over if Semin followed him.
‘But I haven’t even managed to make a single friend properly…’
To begin with, he knows almost nothing about relationships with lovers, let alone friends. For Semin, all strangers he met outside his home were completely unknown territory.
‘Why don’t you know even this basic stuff?’
Joseph’s sharp criticisms had always converged on that one point.
‘Semin. Do you think it’s natural for everyone in the world to monitor your feelings and act accordingly?’
Of course, that would be the case. You’re sickly, fragile, and above all, the precious youngest son of an impressive family. In front of Joseph, who spat this out with a refreshingly clear expression, Semin could only move his lips, pale and stiff.
‘Do you know why nobody ever says anything unpleasant to you? Because if you collapse from stress, the person who spoke up is the only one who looks bad. Not because you’re doing everything right.’
So in reality, did everyone think differently? Did they smile while inwardly finding him annoying and troublesome? Did they keep quiet and press their lips together even when there were things they didn’t like?
‘…Then what should I do…?’
To these words, spoken with a trembling voice, Joseph let out a loud, hollow laugh.
‘Why are you asking me?’
Semin closed his eyes tightly. His chest felt constricted, and then a stabbing pain shot above his eyebrows. With the feeling of his breath being strangled, Semin removed the phone and silently took a deep breath.
― Semin.
A worried voice came through the speaker. Semin inhaled deeply once more.
― Kang Semin?
“…Yes, ah. I’m sorry. I’m just a little sleepy……”
Fortunately, he was able to answer in a calm voice before it was too late. Yooho, seemingly relieved, chuckled slightly.
― Okay, go to sleep. I should get ready for bed too.
“……”
― Sleep well, and tomorrow…….
“Um… player.”
After calling out unconsciously, Semin was startled by his own actions and curled up his fingertips. Yooho responded with an “Mmm?” and then said nothing. Semin could imagine him lowering his gaze, waiting for the conversation to continue. Semin moistened his dry mouth while crumpling the bed sheet.
“Would it… would it be okay if I became your… boyfriend?”
― ……Huh?
“If I, that is… Would I be good enough?”
― ……
Surely there must be much better choices. He could be with someone perfectly suited for him. There are definitely many people better than me, who’s rotten inside and out…
― Well… Honestly?
“……”
Honestly. Just hearing that word made him tense, but Semin nodded bravely. “Yes……”
― I haven’t been sleeping well lately.
“…Huh? Why, why not?”
― I’m too curious about what kind of indecent urges you have toward me.
“……”
When Semin stiffened and couldn’t continue, Yooho chuckled. …More teasing. Semin rubbed his forehead vigorously with his lower lip protruding.
“Ah….. I shouldn’t have said anything…. Please forget it……”
― How can I forget that? You should wish for things you actually want.
“Ugh……”
― Yet you don’t want to date. You’re so open-minded. It’s obvious you’ve been after my body from the start.
“Stop it, stop……”
Only after literally begging did Yooho finally stop laughing.
― Semin, as I’ve said many times, it’s really okay.
The words delivered as if soothing a child were both nice and a little embarrassing.
― Do whatever makes you happy.
Although he wanted to listen forever in that spot, time was limited, so he felt doubly anxious.
From Dadofdaughters
To ColorGenic
Ah~~ I see! So you’re not very interested in nature? ^^
I kinda thought you were more into portrait photography~~haha
Then, if it’s alright with you!! Could I join you next time when you go to take photos of player Hyun Yooho??
No particular reason~ Just want to score some points with my daughters^^haha I haven’t taken many sports photos, so I’d also like to learn from you!!
From ColorGenic
To Dadofdaughters
Hello, Mr. Dadofdaughters.
I’m a beginner myself so I probably can’t be of much help, but there happens to be the national team’s last public training session next week.
If a weekday afternoon works for you, would you like to go together?
After hesitating for a long time, the cursor hovering over the send button like a scratch, Semin finally pressed it with force and took a long breath. Now everything depended on ‘Dadofdaughters’ decision.
‘If this person says yes, I’ll go.’
Whether to go to Hyun Yooho’s last public training session or not. It was a question that had troubled Semin for several days. Going made him confused, but not going made him regretful. The message that suddenly arrived to Semin, who couldn’t sleep as usual, felt like some kind of revelation.
While waiting for a reply, he carefully organized his thoughts. If he remained friends with Hyun Yooho from now on.
His gaze fell on a neatly packaged shopping bag. It was Semin’s track suit that had been delivered to his home first. The clothes he had ordered as a gift for Yooho were probably being meticulously tailored in France right now. Butler Kim, who had opened the contents first, was noticeably pleased, asking why he had bought workout clothes for once, and Sungmin jokingly complained that he hadn’t gotten a gift for his sister after spending all that money.
After scrounging up various excuses, he couldn’t even ask what he was really curious about. —Do friends normally give each other lots of gifts? In the end, Semin decided to consult his old friend, Internet knowledge.
Friend clothes gift
Q. My friend gave me a clothes gift and I have a question
I’m a cool tone #14 so I don’t wear green but they gave me a green t-shirt, are they messing with me?
A. Yes, they’re messing with you. Be nice to your friend…
Q. I gave clothes as a gift to my friend
They don’t wear them. Are they messing with me?
A. Don’t you think so?
Giving clothes to a friend
Q. I’m giving a birthday present to my friend, what do you think of this outfit?
It’s a Kang Jinsoo fan club t-shirt
A. What did your friend do wrong to you?
Q. Clothes gift for a male friend
What price range is appropriate? I’m a college student. Please recommend some good brands too
A. I’ll answer
Never going to date: ~X thousand won
Slight possibility: ~50,000 won
Want to marry right now: Over 100,000 won
Please select as best answer
“……”
The amount he had mindlessly paid for flashed through Semin’s mind as he stared blankly at the screen. If you want to marry a friend right away, over 100,000 won…..
“…Well, people tend to exaggerate when writing these things….”
However, he was able to learn the general notion that you don’t typically give overly expensive gifts between ordinary friends. Semin rested his chin on his hand, lost in thought. Setting aside the fact that the custom order couldn’t be canceled, because he had included detailed profile measurements, they were clothes that only Hyun Yooho could wear.
“Marriage and expensive….”
Of course, he knew that wasn’t necessarily the meaning, but still, just in case.
“If I married Hyun Yooho….”
Semin, who had been absentmindedly repeating the words, swallowed hard. If we got married… we could live in the same house. We could start and end each day together, naturally be together every day, and never have to part.
“…Since we’d be family….”
The words he blurted out sounded like a dream even to his own ears. Semin blinked his eyes slowly and then laughed emptily. What big dreams I have…
‘Even if we remain friends, I’ll treat you the same as now.’
Hyun Yooho was surely sincere, and would truly do so, but Semin wasn’t foolish enough not to know that he shouldn’t readily accept it. Being friends with Hyun Yooho meant—helplessly watching as he eventually holds someone else’s hand, kisses their lips, exchanges playful banter, and becomes family with them.
“……”
Even just imagining it broke his heart, but wouldn’t it be more bearable than living with the anxiety of potentially disappointing him in some way?
As he stared blankly, a small notification popped up with a chime.
From Dadofdaughters
To ColorGenic
Public training! Of course~ I’d love to go together^^
But since I’m new to this, I don’t know the procedure^^;; Can you just go in and they let you enter?
[email protected]
Semin slowly lowered the phone in his hand. In a corner of his heart, he had anticipated it. That in the end, whether he had company or not wasn’t the important issue.
‘…I want to see him.’
I want to meet him. I want to talk and make eye contact even a little more. At the point when such feelings emerged, perhaps it was already impossible to remain just friends…
‘Can I endure it?’
He covered his face with both hands where no one could see. With eyes blocked and mouth shut, the greed and anxiety, affection and hatred that had lost their escape swirled wildly in his stomach.
‘I think Mr. Kang Semin likes me.’
If only I hadn’t been found out. Semin, gritting his molars, sobbed silently.
[You’re coming today, right? 06:40]
[If you can make it on time, want to have lunch together? 06:41]
[06:55 I’m sorry, I don’t think I can have lunch together]
[06:55 I have someone with me]
Though he tried to answer in time, Yooho didn’t reply, perhaps already at the training center. Semin spent the morning anxiously and left home before noon.
Thinking the area around the gym would be crowded on public training day, he decided to call a taxi. The backpack stuffed with all his equipment was hard and heavy, as if it would break his shoulder immediately. After staggering into the taxi, Semin picked up his phone and a message notification rang.
From Dadofdaughters
To ColorGenic
ColorGe~ Have you left yet? ^^ I just arrived at the gym and the line is already long, wow! Player Hyun Yooho’s popularity is no joke~ ㅠ.ㅠ The journalists’ equipment is intimidating too…
I’ll go in first and save a good spot for you, haha ^^ Drive safely! Take your time~
ps. Oh! Could you share your contact number? I want to message you once I’ve secured seats, but data might be spotty with so many people haha
Though he had exchanged messages with some people online since starting his photography community activities, this would be his first real-life meeting, so he felt nervous belatedly. Semin sent a simple greeting along with his number and took a deep breath.
Soon his phone rang. Thinking it would be ‘Dadofdaughters,’ Semin picked up the phone without thinking, then paused. It was Yooho. Checking the time, it was just when morning training would have ended.
― Company?
As soon as he answered, without even a greeting, the simple question was wrapped in a thin layer of playfulness. Semin almost smiled despite himself.
“Yes, I have someone with me……”
― Who?
“Just someone I met through photography… They said they wanted to take pictures of you, so we agreed to go together.”
― Hmm….. Are you close?
Semin hesitated, falling into brief contemplation. Not really close, right? It’s the first time seeing their face, and we haven’t exchanged many messages.
“No, not really……”
But would it seem strange to bring someone he’s not even close with to the training center? Wondering if he had made a mistake, he rolled his eyes around until Yooho answered softly.
― If you’re not close, that’s fine.
“……”
― See you later.
“Yes, s-see you later.”
As soon as he hung up, stammering, his breath quickened again. Semin took a deep breath, sinking into the seat as if burying himself.
Though he hesitated about going out, just thinking about seeing the training up close again made his heart race regardless. Moreover, it was a day with an unofficial competition. An extreme course where one must stay afloat purely through propulsion, never sinking, while crossing the 50m lane thirty times.
Though just watching made him feel as if every muscle in his body was being shredded, the thrill of seeing the athlete who touches the pad first and lifts his head was tremendous. Especially if that athlete was Hyun Yooho.
‘What do you want to do with me?’
Just as the question he had barely suppressed surfaced, the phone in his hand vibrated at length. Startled, he looked down to see an unsaved number. His companion must have arrived already. Semin quickly put the phone to his ear.
“H-hello there……”
Thinking it was their first conversation, a stupid greeting flowed out before he could stop himself. He should have said ‘hello.’ He regretted it belatedly, but it was water under the bridge. Semin pressed down on his increasingly racing heart and waited for ‘Dadofdaughters’ response.
― Huh?
But what came back next was an all too familiar voice.
― Why the sudden formality?
The fingertips he had tightly curled in tension froze pale. That bright, cheerful voice—he had gone too long without realizing that the mockery was embedded in this tone. Semin lowered his head, unnecessarily deepening his voice.
“…What do you want again……”
― What do I want, I told you I’d call.
“……”
― Semin, what are you doing today? If you’re free, let’s meet up briefly in the evening.
Haah, a heavy sigh escaped before he could hide it. Joseph must have heard it clearly, but he didn’t react.
“…Are you still in Korea?”
― Hahaha, you’re telling me to get lost too directly. You’re too much, Semin.
“Sorry if it came across that way, but I don’t understand why you keep calling……”
― I don’t understand why our Semin has become so cold. Am I going to eat you? I’m just contacting you because I want to see an old friend.
“I… don’t consider you a friend.”
He sensed a moment of hesitation on the other end of the line. Semin closed his eyes tightly, then opened them, collecting himself.
“I don’t want to see you again.”
His heart ached even as he said it. He wondered if he really needed to go this far, but if he softened his expression or equivocated, this tug-of-war would never end. As he struggled to steady his slightly trembling fingertips, Joseph let out an artificial sigh.
― Okay, okay. It’s all my fault.
“…What?”
― That’s enough, right? Let’s talk about the rest when we meet.
It was so absurd that he didn’t even feel angry, and yet a sense of discomfort crept in again. The Joseph that Semin knew wouldn’t back down after hearing such words. He should have gotten angry and hung up long ago. Yet it didn’t seem like he was sincerely apologizing either.
“…I’m going to hang up now. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t call again.”
― Semin, Semin. Just a moment.
“……”
― Why? Are you busy today? Meeting that swimmer again?
Familiar streets appeared outside the window. They were approaching the gym.
― I looked him up a bit. He’s famous. Well, that makes sense. When I saw him last time, he was much more handsome in person. Really tall too.
“……”
― Are you two close? No, maybe that’s not the right question? He’s someone who does sports with money provided by your family.
After holding back and holding back, Semin was about to hang up silently but stopped. Sports with money provided by your family?
“…What do you mean?”
― What do I mean? Exactly what I said. Isn’t he a sponsored athlete from Lee Kang?
“Sponsorship contracts are made for mutual benefit. Besides, company matters don’t concern me…”
― Why wouldn’t it concern you? He’s probably sucking up to you because you’re a Lee Kang person.
“……”
― So from your perspective too… it’s difficult to talk about being close or not, right? Strictly speaking, he’s beneath you in status. Because while you’re the son of Lee Kang Dairy, he’s just a celebrity.
He couldn’t listen anymore. After hanging up, Semin quickly blocked the number. His solar plexus twisted, making his stomach churn.
‘Because you’re a Lee Kang person, he’s sucking up to you…’
It was nonsense not worth reconsidering. As he tried to calm his mind, the taxi arrived at the entrance to the gym. As soon as Semin got out of the car and raised his head, he paused. It was always like this on public training days, but today the area around the entrance seemed particularly chaotic. Perhaps the rumor about the unofficial competition had spread.
Journalists with black equipment hanging all over them, fans gathered in small groups, and even street vendors who had smelled the crowd—the cast of characters was diverse. The only commonality was their purpose.
Taking a breath, Semin picked up his phone. There was still no contact from ‘Dadofdaughters.’ After some consideration, he first entered through the entrance. If he waited any longer, entry itself might become difficult.
After finding a suitable spot, he checked his phone again. The data response was definitely slower. Looking around, he saw journalists packed tightly, each busily pressing their phones, tablet PCs, and laptops.
So that’s why he said contacting might be difficult. As Semin was about to send another message, he abandoned the idea and put down his phone. While he felt worried and regretful, there was also a sense of relief. In his current state, he didn’t have the confidence to meet a stranger and carry on a natural conversation.
There was still some time until the athletes would appear. In the midst of the busy flowing crowd, Semin hugged his camera bag tightly and just stared at the lane. Though he had never gone in, he knew it was cold in there. Water resembled the human heart in that way. He recalled what Yooho had once said in an interview.
‘My grandmother always used to say: Water is not the domain of humans, so no matter how you enter, it’s an intrusion.’
Click, click, shutter sounds were heard from all around. They had started taking test shots to ensure they could capture Hyun Yooho accurately the moment he appeared. Semin’s equipment was still tightly packed in his backpack. His thighs, pressed down by the weight of the equipment, felt stiff and tense, and the sensation gradually returned to his skin.
The shoulders, arms, knees, and cheeks that Yooho had touched still retained warmth. Such a solid body with high body temperature jumps into that cold water and simply cuts through the lane. To become the fastest swimmer in a 50m square pool.
“Wonder if Hyun Yooho will push his record today?”
Everyone pressed their shutters with open mouths. Everyone was talking about Hyun Yooho and trying to photograph Hyun Yooho. Among them, some threw out half-hearted criticisms.
“I honestly wonder if he deserves all this hype. An Asian Games medal is nothing compared to Olympic gold.”
“It’s like robbing an empty house, right? Summer sports just don’t have many stars.”
The light tone was soaked in derision. Though he heard it clearly, remarkably, his heart didn’t waver. It was because he felt Yooho wouldn’t care at all.
Semin closed his eyes with his chin resting on his bag. Water is not the domain of humans. No matter how you enter, it’s an intrusion. As his vision closed, the emotions filling his stomach began to ripple.
Semin recalls Yooho’s body. The solid frame and tightly woven muscles, skin so flexible and firm that it seemed no mark would appear no matter how much it was clawed. Insignificant stones could never penetrate his body. No one could overturn his serene interior.
Semin feels the emotions flowing within himself again. He realizes the soft, twisted innards loosely enclosed by ribs, skin that easily reddens and marks. A frail body that can’t withstand even a breath of wind, let alone stones. His churning insides, like a storm-tossed sea from just a hint of malice blown before his eyes, make him nauseous.
“Ah……”
Semin dropped his head and laughed hollowly. He was now frustrated that he hadn’t countered Joseph’s nonsense more. Who was superior to whom?
That’s when the ripple occurred.
“It’s Hyun Yooho!”
All eyes turned to one place, and cheers erupted like high crashing waves. The sound of shutters bursting was like the explosion of a massive firework. It was truly a festival scene.
Semin soon spotted Yooho as well. Wearing a swim cap and half bodysuit, Yooho was walking toward the lane. His fully exposed upper body looked like carved rock. His long arms, covered with muscles large and small, swung lightly back and forth. It was a relaxed movement that made even observers feel calm.
“But it’s a lock that he’ll win gold this time, right?”
“He’ll take the 1500 for sure. If he goes for the world record, a medal would be uncertain.”
Scattered pretentious voices penetrated Semin’s ears, mixed with the shutter sounds. Semin was blankly following only Yooho’s form.
“That’s probably right. Hyun Yooho’s last record was exactly 4 seconds off the world record.”
“Oh? That’s the only difference?”
There were three athletes competing in the 1500m, including Yooho. The athletes, lined up in the middle three lanes, lightly warmed up. It was a practice race signaling the start of training.
“Four seconds is a huge difference, isn’t it?”
“In a sprint, yes. But in long-distance, it’s a doable number. Especially since he’s still in rehabilitation.”
Even though it wasn’t an official competition, the screens turned on and the whistle went up. Semin clenched both fists and scraped together his remaining consciousness. Yooho normally swims the full 1500m in every training session, but it had been a while since Semin had watched the process so vividly.
“In last year’s selection trials, he barely made it into the rankings, so I wondered what would happen, but…”
He remembers the day he first watched Yooho’s competition. Demonstrating overwhelming skill and advancing alone, he looked like a child uniquely beloved by the water. Would competitions be fun like that? The question that had vaguely occurred to him as he sat hugging his knees watching the screen was only resolved much later, when Yooho’s hand touched the pad.
‘……’
Yooho couldn’t lift his head while holding onto the tile. It seemed that even with the adrenaline surging from achieving a gold medal, he couldn’t raise his body. Only after a long while, as he checked the electronic scoreboard while gasping, what reflected in his eyes was, surprisingly, a sense of liberation. The joy that ignited only upon realizing there was no more need to imprison his body in extreme pain.
‘I think Mr. Kang Semin likes me.’
The whistle blew. Three athletes jumped into the water simultaneously. Excited exclamations and the noise of people moving busily numbed his mind.
He remembers the day he went to see Yooho’s comeback competition. After half a year dedicated solely to rehabilitation following shoulder surgery, he was a bit thinner and his hair had grown longer. There weren’t many emotions readable on his face as he stood quietly, looking down at the water’s surface.
Everyone has a place where they want to live…
The words he had said to Yooho were a cleverly twisted version of a slight truth. If one had to say, rather than wanting to live in water, Yooho seemed like someone with no attachment to land. As if he could live without ground to step on or air to fill his lungs.
‘I’m okay with you living as you were born to be.’
The memory transcending time took root in Semin more clearly, mixed with the comfort Yooho had offered. He had known since then. The reason Yooho could jump into water without hesitation was because he was someone who didn’t allow others’ words to imprison him. Because he didn’t let himself be swayed by meaningless criticism and irresponsible evaluations to the point of destroying himself. Because he was someone who chose the place he wanted to go, rather than the place where he could have everything.
‘That’s why…’
That’s why I liked him.
‘What do you want to do with me?’
Semin buried his face between his knees.
‘Semin.’
The feelings that had become clear through language, condensed over four years of time, flowed through every blood vessel in his body. His forehead grew hot, and tears came. Yooho was already pulling away from his competitors by one lane and racing ahead. With each new record marked on the electronic board, the cheers grew louder.
A blood-mixed impulse boiled up with the vibrations that dug under his skin. His ribs felt tight. He could no longer pretend not to know the feelings overflowing and coursing through his veins. He liked Hyun Yooho. Only that sentence swirled endlessly in his ears. I like him. I like Hyun Yooho.