DGMYF 22
by soapaKaiso lay awake for a long time, unable to sleep. The letter he had sent earlier was weighing on his mind, and the sight of Troy’s dejected back also bothered him. On top of that, worry for Ingrid made his head feel very cluttered.
Suddenly, the door creaked open, and Ingrid appeared, hugging a pillow tightly.
“Sweetheart, what is it? Can’t you sleep?”
“Father, can’t I sleep with you just for today?”
“Ingrid. You should sleep in your own room.”
“But, I want to sleep with you, Father.”
The child looked crestfallen and then tapped her toes on the floor. Thump, thump. What parent could say no to such an adorable sight? Kaiso was more than willing to indulge his child’s whining.
“Come here, my little one.”
Only then did Ingrid’s expression brighten as she ran to the bed in a single bound. The child snuggled right into her father’s arms and giggled. Kaiso playfully tickled her and then hugged her tight so she couldn’t get away.
“Hehe, you used to hold me like this every night when I was a baby.”
“My little one is still a baby now.”
“I mean when I was a really, really little baby.”
The child murmured softly for a while before soon drifting off to sleep with a start. The sound of her soft, even breathing sounded like a song from heaven. As he combed his fingers through her hair, a sense of peace washed over him.
Kaiso quietly looked down at the small life he had to protect. With her eyes closed, she resembled him even more. He was anxious. Ever since he learned that the child the Forest Dragon was looking for was Ingrid, Kaiso’s anxiety had grown even greater.
‘Why did the Forest Dragon kidnap Ingrid? She’s just a child….’
Overcome with a wave of anxiety, Kaiso held the soundly sleeping child tightly in his arms. What in the world could the Forest Dragon have wanted the child to do? The beast was already dead, so it couldn’t answer, and the child was too young to understand its intentions. But what if someone with the same intentions as the Forest Dragon were to appear again…. Something he didn’t even want to imagine could happen again.
Unanswerable questions filled his dawn. Kaiso gently patted the child’s chubby belly and watched the rising sun.
When morning came, Mrs. Lind arrived and carefully carried the sleeping child back to her room. Following her, servants came in to attend to Kaiso’s morning needs, and during that time, Troy stood by the door, gnawing on an innocent handkerchief. In particular, when a maid combed his hair, Troy was in a state of near-faint.
“That’s mine….”
Under Troy’s burdensome stare, the maid finished all her tasks quickly and fled the room as if escaping. Kaiso, for his part, completely ignored Troy and started his day.
“Your Grace.”
“I believe I said no talking.”
“Hmph…. That’s the same as telling me not to breathe.”
“Then don’t breathe.”
“Your Graaace….”
Kaiso ignored him and continued to read the newspaper. Troy remained standing stock-still by the door like a suit of decorative armor, right up until Mrs. Lind came to the room.
“Um, the young lady has woken up.”
At those words, Kaiso folded the newspaper he was reading and prepared to move. At that, Mrs. Lind waved her hands in alarm.
“No, the young lady is asking for the hero.”
“…Not me?”
“I’ll go right away!”
Troy dashed down the hallway, exhilarated. Soon after, a door burst open, and the sound of the child running excitedly could be heard. Mrs. Lind gave Kaiso an awkward smile.
“The young lady follows Mr. Elliot quite well.”
Kaiso was dumbfounded. After a brief silence, he unfolded the newspaper again and said, as if muttering to himself.
“It’s good that they get along. Hunter was the only friend she’s had until now.”
“Mr. Elliot is also very devoted. There are many alphas who don’t even act that way toward their own children.”
Kaiso gave a nod, meaning for her to leave, but Mrs. Lind lingered, not leaving her spot. Instead, she spoke cautiously.
“Your Grace, Mr. Elliot cried all night. He cried so sorrowfully that the entire annex hallway was ringing with the sound.”
“Tell him to be careful not to let Ingrid hear. He’ll have to call her unnie if she does.”
“And he’s not eating well either…. I’m worried something bad will happen at this rate. He even asked Mr. Hayworth how to get rid of his alpha traits.”
A sense of foreboding washed over Kaiso, and he closed the newspaper. The worry that Hayworth might conduct some strange experiment on Troy crept in.
“So what did Hayworth say?”
“He, well, he told him to cut it off. We barely managed to stop Mr. Elliot when he was about to really run out and do it.”
At the extreme prescription, Kaiso shook his head. Just in case, he felt he should have a word with Troy. What a waste it would be if he actually cut off that magnificent thing.
‘…Why would I think it’s a waste.’
Kaiso’s face flushed at the thought that had come to him unbidden.
“Although Mr. Elliot is an alpha, he isn’t the type of person to do anything improper to you, Your Grace. He’s so kind-hearted and good-natured.”
He already had done something improper. Kaiso couldn’t bring himself to tell Mrs. Lind that fact and just let out an embarrassed, dry cough. Completely oblivious, Mrs. Lind defended Troy for a good while longer before taking her leave.
“Mmm, I don’t want to eat.”
After a round of playing with Troy, Ingrid had said she was hungry, so Kaiso had lunch at an early hour. But now, the child, as if forgetting she had just been whining about being hungry, suddenly insisted she wouldn’t eat. Pouting her lips and even slamming her fork down on the table—clang—it seemed something was very much not to her liking.
“Why? Should I give you something else?”
Kaiso asked, wiping the soup from the corners of the child’s mouth.
“That’s not it. I like it when the hero feeds me.”
She was looking for Troy again. Looking at the child’s stubborn eyebrows, Kaiso had a premonition that today’s meal would not go smoothly.
“Troy is eating with the other people right now, so we shouldn’t disturb him. My baby, let’s eat with Father.”
“No. Hurry up and call the hero.”
After her return from the dragon’s castle, Ingrid had become particularly prone to throwing tantrums. Considering the terrible ordeal the child had gone through, he wanted to give her anything she wanted, but he couldn’t indulge every nonsensical complaint. At the very least, she ought to eat with her own hands, and she ought to walk with her own two feet.
But Troy was different. He literally catered to the child’s every whim. If she hit him, he took it; if she asked to be fed, he fed her; if she wanted to play, he played with her; there was even a day he walked around with the child sitting on his shoulders all day long. That was simply to grant the child’s wish: ‘I want to be as tall as the hero.’ The clever child now went to the hero, not her father, when she wanted something.
“Hurry! Bring the hero!”
Ingrid whined, kicking her feet. No amount of soothing worked. After she insisted for a long while that she wouldn’t eat unless it was the hero, he had no choice but to throw his hands up in surrender. The child only quieted down after he promised to bring Troy.
“Gordon, go and fetch Troy….”
“Were you looking for me?”
Before he could even finish his sentence, Troy appeared, flinging the dining hall door open. He had probably been waiting right outside the door. It was dumbfounding. He even had a red ribbon in his hair.
“What in the world are you wearing?”
As Kaiso stared in horror, Ingrid answered for him.
“I tied it for him so he’d look pretty for you, Father.”
Troy swiftly lifted the approaching Ingrid into his arms. The child smiled brightly, as if she were finally in her rightful place.
“Hero, sit here.”
Ingrid pointed to the seat right next to Kaiso. Troy just glanced at him furtively, hovering three steps away.
“What should I do?”
“Sit.”
Kaiso let out a short sigh. Delighted, Troy sat down, holding the child preciously.
“Say ah~.”
“Nom.”
Ingrid readily ate whatever Troy gave her. He scraped the bowl clean, put the very last spoonful into the child’s mouth, and then neatly wiped her mouth. Kaiso’s gaze, however, was fixed on the red ribbon, unable to see anything else. Looking closely, it was a set with Ingrid’s pink ribbon.
“If you go outside like that, someone will report you.”
“Your daughter said I look pretty.”
“It seems you’re enjoying this quite a bit yourself.”
“Doesn’t it suit me?”
When Troy cupped his chin and acted cute, Kaiso couldn’t hold back his laughter. The red ribbon certainly went well with his flushed skin.
“It’s a ribbon I treasure. I’m only giving it to the hero as a special exception.”
Ingrid boasted, chewing on a piece of meat. Troy looked at the child proudly as he cut the meat into bite-sized pieces and continued to feed her. It was a truly lovely sight. Kaiso propped his arm on the table and quietly watched Troy, who was spearing the leftover meat from the child’s plate with a fork and eating it.
As a newborn, Ingrid had woken up every two hours and would cry as if she’d stop breathing if he put her down for even a moment. She was so sensitive that no one else could hold her. Soothing, feeding, and dressing the crying child all day would leave even the robust Kaiso exhausted. At times like that, he would think how wonderful it would be if the child’s father were there with him.
He had once hoped that Joel would fill the role of the child’s father. But now, Troy, who had unexpectedly entered his life, was filling that role. He was grateful to him, sorry, and also, his heart fluttered.
‘I must be crazy.’
To be having improper thoughts again about that young man. Kaiso gulped down the water in front of him to cool his head. Yet his gaze remained on Troy, who was chattering away with the child.
“Your Grace?”
“Ah, yes.”
Troy tilted his head as if puzzled. It was because Kaiso had been staring at him so intently. Feeling embarrassed, he coughed dryly a few times and then poked at an innocent potato with his fork. Poke, poke.
Ingrid began to whisper something in Troy’s ear.
“Hero, that thing….”
“Ah, yes. Later.”
When he nodded his head emphatically as if he understood, Kaiso’s eyes grew suspicious.
“What are you two talking about?”
“It’s a secret.”
A secret? He couldn’t believe that Ingrid had a secret he didn’t know about. Since when had she and Troy become close enough to share secrets?
“It’s nothing important. Don’t worry.”
Ingrid finished her meal in Troy’s arms, and as soon as her mouth was wiped, she dashed out of the dining hall. Only Kaiso and Troy were left at the table.
“I should get going now too.”
“Eat here before you go.”
“But I’m not allowed to eat with you.”
“It’s fine. I don’t want to be petty about food.”
At Kaiso’s gesture, a servant brought Troy’s tableware. Troy, glancing furtively at Kaiso, devoured the food in a hurry. It seemed to be true that he had been starving himself the whole time.
“What kind of rule says you have to starve just because you’re not eating with me.”
“Since I’ve been keeping my distance from you, Your Grace, I have no appetite, no motivation, and I can’t sleep.”
“Eat even if you have no appetite, do things even if you have no motivation, and sleep even if you can’t. If you keep doing that, you’ll naturally forget me.”
At those words, Troy dropped his fork with a clang. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open.
“I can’t do that. I’d rather cut this off than forget you, Your Grace…!”
As Troy raised a knife high, Kaiso, horrified, grabbed his hand to stop him. But Troy’s strength was far greater, and his hand was gradually pulled downward.
“Troy, don’t!”
“As long as you accept me, Your Grace, I don’t care if I cut something like this off!”
“I care. So don’t do anything useless!”
Only then did Troy stop and put the knife down. Then, his face turning red, he asked as if muttering.
“Why do you care…?”
Kaiso, without answering, pushed his wheelchair and left the dining hall. He completely ignored the voice calling his name desperately from behind him. He felt that if he didn’t, he would be caught with his face flushed red.
For a long time after the meal, Troy did not show himself. He wasn’t stuck to the window, nor could the sound of his sorrowful crying be heard. At first, Kaiso paid it no mind, but when Troy still hadn’t appeared by sunset, he began to worry.
Moreover, the sound of the children playing in the garden couldn’t be heard either, and a growing sense of anxiety washed over him. Kaiso went out to the garden to look for Ingrid, but the children were gone, and only the gardener was out working alone. When asked if he had seen the children, he replied that he had only seen Hunter going toward the rear garden.
When he came out to the rear garden, he saw Hunter on one side, aiming a slingshot at the empty air all by himself.
“Hunter.”
The boy, upon spotting Kaiso, put down his slingshot, ran over, and hugged him. Kaiso held the child tightly and asked.
“Hunter, why are you playing all by yourself? Where are Ingrid and Troy?”
“They went to the mountain.”
The boy answered in a barely audible voice.
“The mountain? Why didn’t you go?”
The mountain clearly referred to the one in the back. The back mountain was land owned by the ducal house of Windermere and was, in effect, a high hill that was like an extension of the rear garden.
“I was scared, so I just stayed.”
“What’s so scary about the back mountain? Don’t you go there all the time?”
Kaiso stroked the timid boy’s head. But the boy shook his head and buried his freckled face in Kaiso’s chest.
“Not the back mountain, the rocky mountain is scary.”
“Ingrid went to the rocky mountain?”
Kaiso felt a terror he could never forget resurfacing.
Following Kaiso’s command, the escort knights flocked to the rocky mountain. Kaiso, with his wheelchair parked at the entrance of the mountain, shed endless tears. Every time the torches held by the escort knights flickered, his anxiety flickered along with them.
“It will be all right. Please do not worry too much, Your Grace.”
“That’s right, what kind of trouble could Mr. Elliot get into?”
Gordon and Hayworth stayed by Kaiso’s side and soothed him for a long while, but he showed no signs of calming down.
“Why did they go there, why…. It’s even raining….”
The memory of the day he lost his child replayed in Kaiso’s mind over and over again. He hadn’t known back then, but the thought that he had lost his child this time even though he knew better made it impossible for him to keep his senses. He let out a pained groan through his irregular breaths. Each small raindrop that fell on his shoulders felt like the blade of a knife.
The most painful part was the helplessness of not being able to go search for his child himself. While the escort knights climbed the rocky mountain to find her, he could do nothing but sit still at the entrance in the rain. Just like when his child was kidnapped by the dragon and he couldn’t do anything….
‘What if something happens to Ingrid?’
At that thought alone, Kaiso found it hard to breathe. A pain as if someone were squeezing his heart tightly washed over him. As he clenched his hands and trembled, Hayworth offered him a glass of water and a pill.
“It’s a tranquilizer. Please take it and pull yourself together.”
Kaiso took it without protest, but his throat felt so tight that the water wouldn’t go down. The pill slowly dissolved in his mouth, leaving a bitter taste.
“Cough, cough.”
In the end, he threw up the pill all over his thigh. A startled Gordon patted his back and wiped his mouth. Hayworth took out another pill and offered it.
“My apologies.”
“You’re the one paying for the medicine anyway, Your Grace.”
Hayworth said curtly and poured another glass of water. This time, he was barely able to swallow the pill. As the medicine took effect, the trembling in his body subsided. The ominous imaginations that had filled his head also disappeared. However, the immediate reality remained unchanged. Just as tears were about to burst forth again.
“Your Grace! We found them!”
Morgan shouted as he rushed down the mountain. At those words, the tension left his entire body, and he slumped back in his wheelchair. If he had been standing, he might have collapsed right then and there.
Behind Morgan, Troy appeared, holding Ingrid in his arms.
“Oh, it’s Father!”
Mrs. Lind hurriedly took Ingrid from him. The child’s hair was a mess, and her shoes and clothes were covered in mud. But her expression was brighter than ever. Seeing that the child appeared unhurt, Kaiso was finally able to feel relieved.
“Hehe, Your Grace! There’s quite a welcoming party!”
Troy hurriedly took a red ribbon out of his pocket, tied it on his head, and then knelt before Kaiso. He looked just like a puppy chasing after someone, begging to be praised, but Kaiso couldn’t control his boiling anger and slapped him across the cheek.
The red ribbon fell to the ground, and the impact was strong enough to whip his head to the side. But it was nothing compared to the mental shock that appeared on Troy’s face. He looked utterly astonished, and as if he had no idea what was going on, he simply trembled, his lip split. Kaiso looked down at him coldly and shouted.
“Where did you take the child.”
“To the rocky mountain….”
Before the answer was even finished, he struck his cheek again. This time, blood splattered. Troy hung his head low.
“Don’t you know what kind of place the rocky mountain is? It’s where Ingrid was kidnapped! Why did you have to go there again? Why? If the child gets kidnapped again and you rescue her, do you think I’ll forgive you?”
Kaiso spat out words indiscriminately, not even knowing what he was saying. At his thorny words, Troy’s eyes filled with tears. He couldn’t find the words to answer and just fidgeted with Kaiso’s thin knee. Kaiso coldly slapped his hand away.
“Your Grace….”
“Father, don’t be angry. I was the one who said we should go.”
Ingrid, who had scrambled down from Mrs. Lind’s arms, clung tightly to Troy’s back. As thick raindrops began to fall—pitter-patter—Kaiso took off his outer coat and covered the child’s head with it.
“Ingrid Verdandi Windermere! I told you not to go anywhere near the rocky mountain because it’s dangerous! What happened there, on that mountain, why did you go there again!”
“But…. I wanted to practice swordsmanship….”
Ingrid, seeing her father so angry for the first time, was so surprised she even started to hiccup.
“Let’s return to the manor for now. The rain and wind are getting stronger.”
Hayworth said, taking an umbrella out of his coat and using it for himself. As the thick raindrops fell, Troy rushed over and shielded Kaiso’s head with his large hand. The pitter-pattering autumn rain turned the ground into a muddy mess. Kaiso looked down at the messy ground and thought it looked just like his own state.
Kaiso combed Ingrid’s long hair after she came out of her bath. After seeing her father angry for the first time, the child was strangely subdued.
“Ingrid, you can’t act so selfishly from now on. Understand?”
“Yeees. But, it was really me who said we should go.”
“I know.”
There was no way Troy would have taken Ingrid to the rocky mountain on his own accord. The child had likely thrown a tantrum, and Troy, like a fool, would have nodded in agreement, and they would have kept it a secret because he knew Kaiso would forbid it. And this disaster was the result.
“Ingrid. It’s good that you get along with the hero. But you shouldn’t throw tantrums and be stubborn like that. What would you have done if someone had gotten hurt?”
“Someone did get hurt.”
“What? Where.”
Kaiso grabbed the child’s shoulders and looked her over. The child took Kaiso’s hand and shook her head.
“Noo, not me, the hero. He fell from a really high cliff because of me.”
The child’s eyes went wide and her mouth fell open. It seemed she had surprised herself the most with her own words.
“But what’s amazing is, I thought the hero was going to die, but he didn’t. He’s really incredible.”
“Is that true?”
“Yes, it’s true.”
A little while ago, Troy had walked in on his own two feet, and although he was a mess, he didn’t seem to have any injuries. He was just the same as always. Just like when he had defeated the dragon and returned alive and well.
‘No, it can’t be.’
Ingrid must be exaggerating. What seemed high to Ingrid’s height was probably within Troy’s reach. He dismissed his young daughter’s words as nothing serious.
Kaiso read a storybook to Ingrid and even gave her a goodnight kiss. He felt much more at ease after securing a definite promise from her that she would never go to the rocky mountain again. The child called out to his departing back, asking him to forgive the hero, but he didn’t answer that.
Kaiso, with a servant’s help, finished preparing for bed and lay down, listening to the pitter-patter of the autumn rain.
‘It’s still raining.’
It seemed sleep would elude him again tonight. Feeling a flicker of anxiety starting from the tips of his toes, Kaiso pulled the blanket up to the tip of his nose. The day had felt like a thousand years. The moments from when he thought his child had disappeared to when he had struck Troy repeated in his mind thousands of times, tearing his heart apart. He considered the pain his punishment and made no effort to shake it off.
Suddenly, he sensed a presence. Kaiso frowned and turned his head toward the sound. It seemed to be coming from outside the door.
“Is someone there?”
At that, the sound stopped abruptly. A moment later, with a metallic creak, the door opened slightly. He couldn’t see the face, but he knew who it was just from the sound of their breathing. Kaiso sat up and leaned his back against the headboard.
“Troy, what are you doing there.”
“I’m sorry…. I, I was wrong.”
Troy’s cracked voice was full of moisture. It seemed he had been crying for a long time. He came in cautiously and placed a candle on the nightstand. Then he knelt down beside the bed. He smelled nice, as if he had just finished bathing.
“If you know you were wrong, you should be reflecting and going to sleep. Why are you here in the middle of the night?”
“It’s raining outside. I was worried you might not be able to sleep.”
It seemed he remembered that Kaiso had nightmares on rainy days. But if he had a nightmare today, it wouldn’t be because of the rain, but because of Troy, who had taken Ingrid right before his eyes. How could the boy, who took care of even the most trivial things when it came to Kaiso, fail to consider such an obvious fact? Kaiso’s anger flared up again.
“I can’t sleep because of you. Because of the trouble you caused.”
“Your Grace….”
Troy’s hand crept up onto the bed and touched the tip of Kaiso’s fingers. Kaiso coolly pulled his hand away.
“Even if the child begged to go. You’re an adult, how can you just say yes to everything a child says? You should have told her it was dangerous and that she couldn’t go.”
“I, I did it because I wanted to be a good father to your daughter.”
A father? No matter how hard he tried, Troy could never be Ingrid’s father. Even if the two of them were to get married by some chance, he would merely be Kaiso’s spouse and Ingrid’s guardian. Besides.
“A good father isn’t someone who just gives in to everything a child says. Maybe your parents were like that, but I’m not raising my daughter that way.”
“Ah…. I didn’t know.”
Kaiso had grown up in a very strict household. He had done as he was told without complaint to meet his parents’ expectations, but he didn’t want to raise his daughter that way. So he expressed his affection for the child often and readily gave her what she wanted, but that didn’t mean he intended to raise her to be spoiled.
“How can you not know that? For you, it might be enough to just pretend to be a good father with words, play with her for a few days, and then leave, but it’s not the same for me. I really have to be a good father to Ingrid.”
“I was trying to do well. I really, really wanted to do well…. You hate alphas, Your Grace, but I’m a good alpha. But you won’t even let me near you…. That made me so sad. So I wanted to be a good father….”
Troy sniffled and rambled incoherently. He wondered what being a good alpha had to do with being a good father. Kaiso, who had been listening quietly, summed up Troy’s words in one sentence.
“Are you telling me you were trying to win my favor by being nice to Ingrid?”
Troy nodded. It was dumbfounding. In the end, Kaiso was the cause of this whole commotion. Since he had kept his distance using the excuse of him being an alpha, Troy had tried to prove that he was a good alpha in any way he could.
“Even so. If a child causes trouble, you, as the adult, should have stopped her. Can’t you even make that kind of judgment on your own?”
Kaiso said in a slightly softened tone. He didn’t want to be any harsher, since the mistake was made while trying his best to do well. Troy continued his excuse in a voice filled with dejection.
“You see, my master always said no to everything. So I thought, if I ever got a father, I would want him to listen to everything I say. Do everything I want to do. So that’s why….”
This was the first time he was hearing this story. Kaiso blinked his surprised eyes.
“You don’t have a father?”
“No, I don’t even know who he is. I guess that’s why I didn’t know how to be a good father.”
“What? Any other family?”
“Uh, my mother passed away when I was young. I don’t have any other family, so, so my master raised me.”
“Why are you only now….”
He had never even asked in the first place. Kaiso was at a loss for words.
Come to think of it, the relationship between the two had always revolved around Kaiso. Troy knew everything about what Kaiso liked and disliked, but Kaiso himself knew nothing about Troy. He had even made the mistake of judging him arbitrarily. He had assumed that such a cheerful boy must have grown up showered with love in a large family…. It was all just Kaiso’s hasty judgment.
“I just liked you so much, so I was trying to do well. I worked hard. But I think I ruined everything. Wh-what do I do? Will you start to hate Troy now too, Your Grace?”
Troy’s voice trembled with anxiety. Seeing him panting as if he would stop breathing at any moment, a startled Kaiso hastily denied his words.
“Wait, no. Why would I hate you.”
“If you hate Troy too, Your Grace, what am I supposed to do now?”
“I said no. Troy, come here.”
Kaiso reached out and cupped Troy’s cheeks. That damned red ribbon was still tied in his silver hair. The faint candlelight revealed the cut on Troy’s mouth. It seemed he had used more force than he realized. His chest ached at the thought that it must have hurt quite a bit.
“But you hit me because you hated me. My master did that too. He always hit me, saying he hated me….”
“What? He hit you all the time? Why did he hit you?”
“Because he hated me. He said I wasn’t even human…. It’s been like that since I was little.”
Troy mumbled with a pouting lip. He seemed to have no idea what kind of an impact his words had on Kaiso.
“My goodness.”
It was unbelievable. How could someone lay a hand on such a beautiful boy. A wave of disgust for Troy’s master and for himself washed over Kaiso’s heart.
“Troy, I’m sorry. I didn’t hit you because I hate you. Did it hurt a lot? Does it still hurt?”
“Getting hit doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t hurt at all compared to when my master used to hit me. But my heart hurts so much, Your Grace. I don’t want to be hated by you, Your Grace….”
Kaiso’s heart shattered. Through the cracks of his broken heart, compassion, guilt, and affection for Troy welled up once again. The emotions he had barely managed to persuade and soothe himself to suppress burst forth without warning.
Kaiso pulled Troy into a fierce hug. His nightgown was quickly soaked with Troy’s tears, a testament to how much he had been crying. Kaiso gently patted Troy’s back. Thinking of the boy who must have suffered so much emotionally without any family, he felt incredibly sorry for him. Tears don’t become less salty just because you cry every day, so why had he taken Troy’s crying so lightly?
“How could I ever hate you. There’s no one as kind and pretty as you.”
“Really?”
“I mean it.”
Troy calmed the gasping breaths that sounded as if he were about to pass out at any moment and opened his mouth. Kaiso wiped his wet cheeks with his hands. They were so swollen, he was a mess.
“But before, you used to kiss me, hug me, and sleep with me, but now you don’t do any of that. You started to hate me because I’m an alpha.”
Of course, it was still true that Kaiso disliked alphas. But wasn’t Troy, Troy, before he was an alpha? Even if he were a terrible monster instead of an alpha, there was no way he would hate him. How could he clear up Troy’s misunderstanding? After a moment of thought, Kaiso moved to the side, making space on the bed.
“Come in here. Let’s sleep together today. If I hated you, I wouldn’t do something like this. Right?”
Troy looked at the bed and nodded. But he didn’t get into the bed. He hesitated, stood up, and instead, stepped back.
“That’s true, but…. Is it okay? I’m still an alpha. I might not be able to hold back this time.”
As if to prove his words, he faintly exuded the scent of his pheromones. Kaiso took a long breath and replied languidly.
“What happens if you can’t hold back?”
“Well, it probably won’t end with just getting kicked out.”
It was absurd. What did the young man know to be saying such things?
“Just go to sleep right away without doing anything improper. Quickly.”
At Kaiso’s firm command, Troy hesitantly climbed onto the bed. He helped Kaiso lie down comfortably and then pulled the blanket up to his neck. Then he carefully lay down facing him.
A long silence fell between the two. Kaiso’s senses became heightened, and he found himself bothered by every little thing. He worried if his breathing was too loud, if the scent of his pheromones was leaking out, if the sound of him swallowing could be heard. Above all, Troy’s gaze on him in the darkness was so intense that he wanted to hide behind the sound of the raindrops.
He took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled. The breath was so close it felt as if it were caressing his body.
“Troy, what are you doing awake.”
“Well. I can’t sleep. The wound from where you hit me hurts too much, Your Grace.”
Troy whined, saying, Ow. Startled by the sound, Kaiso sat up again, leaning against the headboard.
“Let me see.”
He cupped Troy’s face and gently stroked his split lip with his thumb. It seemed he had been hit properly, as blood was still seeping out a little.
“How could you hit me so hard. Are you sure you don’t hate me?”
Contrary to his words, Troy’s large hand slowly stroked Kaiso’s hair. Made languid by the soft touch, the scent of Kaiso’s pheromones leaked out. As the hot scent tangled in each and every strand of hair, Troy buried his nose in it and inhaled deeply.
“N-no, I said I don’t. Really. Wh-what do I have to do for you to believe me.”
Kaiso was extremely conscious of his breathing but tried his best to act nonchalant as he continued speaking. However, the fact that he was stuttering, unlike his usual self, revealed that he was quite flustered.
“Well then. If you really don’t hate Troy.”
Troy’s eyes, glistening in the candlelight, were fixed on Kaiso’s lips. Before he knew it, their faces had grown close enough to touch. Hot breath tickled Kaiso’s cheek, and every time he slowly blinked, his eyelashes trembled.
“The wound on my lip… will you suck on it?”
It was neither a question nor a request. As Troy’s face slowly approached, Kaiso closed his eyes on his own. Troy cupped Kaiso’s face with one hand and languidly swept a thumb across his lips. The fingertips, steeped in desire, trembled minutely. Each time he blinked slowly, Troy’s face drew closer. Kaiso parted his lips slightly, ready to receive him. Their two lips met languidly. And….
That was it. Troy pressed his lips firmly against his, eyes shut tight, like stamping a seal. When what he was waiting for didn’t come, Kaiso stealthily opened his eyes.
‘What is he doing right now?’
Before he could find an answer, their lips parted. Troy’s face was flushed crimson.
“Ah, what do I do.”
“…What.”
“This feels so good.”
He covered his mouth with both hands, at a loss for what to do. He fanned his face nonstop as if it were getting hot, then shot up and ran a lap around the room before letting out a spirited yell as if the house would collapse. Then, after doing about twenty squats, he muttered as if almost vomiting.
“I can’t believe I kissed His Grace!”
He was like a small child who had received a birthday present for the first time in his life. In contrast, Kaiso, watching him, was dumbfounded.
‘Did he just call that a kiss?’
He felt he would be more passionate even when leaving a lipstick mark at the end of a letter. No, this was even less than a goodnight kiss on a child’s forehead. Kaiso stared at Troy with a sour expression. Tears streamed down his reddened face. Sniffling, he knelt before him, and Kaiso pulled his legs up to sit on the edge of the bed and stroked his head.
“Sniff, this feels so good.”
Kaiso let out a short sigh. It seemed he had expected too much from a mountain boy who had only presented a few months ago. Troy was more pure, more innocent, and truly knew nothing, more so than he had expected.
‘Still, he’s an alpha, doesn’t he have instincts? I’m not great at it either, but isn’t this a bit much?’
Even he, who pathologically rejected all contact with alphas, knew as a basic fact that you use your tongue when you kiss. He had learned it from the various dirty jokes he’d heard at the academy and in the military, and he had also learned it from the high-rated novels his peers passed around. That was why, even during his clumsy first kiss, he had been able to naturally open his mouth and mix their tongues. But this boy….
“Troy. This isn’t a kiss, it’s a peck.”
“Are they different?”
They are. Of course, they are. Emitting such a seductive pheromone scent only to end with a mere peck was nothing short of fraud. Kaiso contemplated what to do. Of course, even just a peck was cute and lovely enough, but he wanted something a little deeper. Something a little more sticky, something that would slowly and thickly melt his body.
“Y-Your Grace…. Your finger is….”
Without realizing it, he had put his finger in the shell of Troy’s ear and was caressing it. His face turned red, and he buried his head in Kaiso’s thigh, squirming. A dizzying sensation enveloped his entire body. It was the effect of the pheromone scent that Troy was uncontrollably emitting. His stomach felt fluttery, and his fingertips tingled. Normally, he would have scolded Troy and pushed him away, but the heat stirring in his lower half made him a little braver.
“I’ll show you for sure. That I don’t hate you.”
Kaiso grabbed Troy by the collar and pressed their lips together. His tongue unhesitatingly pushed between Troy’s lips, which had parted in surprise. Troy’s body went rigid.
“Your…. Mmmph….”
Troy, who was surprised at first, soon seemed to adapt and cupped the back of Kaiso’s head. And he opened his mouth a little more to make it easier to move. Thanks to that, he could freely explore the inside of Troy’s mouth.
In the quiet room, the wet, sloppy sound of their two lips and tongues meeting echoed explicitly. A quick learner, Troy slowly rolled his thumb over the shell of Kaiso’s ear. His tongue, which had been as hard as a rock, softened and even dared to gently touch Kaiso’s. The monster named guilt living in Kaiso’s stomach purred with delight. His tongue gently swept the roof of Troy’s mouth and then traced the delicate mucous membrane.
“Hah….”
In the brief moment their lips parted, Kaiso let out a small moan. A sticky thread stretched between them, and hot breaths tickled each other’s palates. He felt the hand cupping the back of his head tighten, and then their lips were urgently pressed together again. The two clung to each other without even a moment to breathe, deeply exploring each other’s tongues like beasts that had met a downpour at the end of a long drought.
As Troy rushed in breathlessly, Kaiso pressed on his shoulder to calm him. Then, as if soothing a small child, he languidly sucked on his lips. Every time their hot breaths mixed, the candle placed beside them flickered.
“Mmm….”
Troy was as hasty as if this were the last kiss of his life, ineptly sucking on his tongue like a piece of candy. His hands tangled into Kaiso’s hair. The strong pull made it impossible for him to pull away. The kiss, rushed and without leisure, only consumed breath and did not arouse the body.
“Mmm, ugh…!”
In the end, Kaiso had to tap his shoulder to signal him to stop. Only then did Troy, as if coming to his senses, slowly pull his lips away. A series of short kisses, tinged with reluctance, followed. Each time their wet lips met and parted, a wet, smacking sound was made. Smack, smack.
“Hah….”
“Haaah, Your Grace. What is this…? It feels so good….”
Kaiso answered as he wiped Troy’s damp lips.
“This is a grown-up’s kiss.”
“Wow.”
Troy’s eyes were not normal. His pupils were dilated, and his focus was blurry. At the end of his gaze were Kaiso’s flushed, red lips. Troy licked his lips as if he wanted to do it again, then, as if possessed, ran and slammed his head against the wall. Bang, bang.
“What are you doing.”
Finding the sight cute, Kaiso burst into laughter. Instead of answering, he muttered something incomprehensible with a dazed face, then returned with trembling legs and knelt by the bedside.
“C-can’t we do it just one more time? I can do it really well this time.”
“No.”
At Troy’s almost begging attitude, Kaiso felt a playful urge. When he refused firmly, a look like a child who had his candy snatched away appeared on his face. He bowed awkwardly, not knowing what to do with his posture, and then let out a strange groan. It was suspicious.
“Uh, just a moment.”
“No. Come here.”
He grabbed the arm of Troy, who was trying to hurry outside, and made him stand straight in front of him. He tried hard to cover his front, but when Kaiso tapped him, his hands opened right up. The area around his thighs was wet in a round patch. Troy made an excuse in a barely audible voice.
“This isn’t pee…. When I touch you, Your Grace, something strange comes out of my body.”
Even without the excuse, Kaiso knew better than anyone that this wasn’t pee. For pre-come to be leaking already when they hadn’t even done anything proper. Maybe it was because he was young, but he seemed to be quite sensitive to even small stimuli.
“You really don’t know anything, do you.”
“Hehe, yes. I only know you, Your Grace.”
“That’s something to be proud of.”
Kaiso hesitated for a moment before pulling Troy in for another kiss. He slowly enveloped his tongue, then lightly bit his plump lower lip.
“Ow.”
Troy whimpered, as it seemed he had touched the split part of his lip. Surprised, Kaiso held his face and checked the wound. It was torn even more than before.
“Does it hurt? Should we stop?”
At that, Troy gently pushed on Kaiso’s shoulders. He willingly fell back. As Kaiso’s long hair fanned out on the bed like wings, Troy stared blankly at the sight.
“No, please continue.”
Instead of answering, Kaiso grinned and wrapped his arms around his neck. Troy, understanding the signal, slowly pressed their lips together.
“Mmmph….”
Troy’s clumsy tongue slowly pushed its way between Kaiso’s lips. Stiff with tension, his tongue ineptly explored the inside of his mouth. His grunting efforts to do something were so awkward. Even that clumsy movement was so lovely that a smile spread across Kaiso’s lips. He felt a hot heat on his chest.
“Troy.”
“Haaah…. Yes, Your Grace….”
“Where are you touching.”
Troy was, quite nonchalantly, putting his hand inside his nightgown and groping his chest. Kaiso slapped away the hand that had trespassed so brazenly on his bare skin. Troy gently clenched his fist, as if trying to feel the lingering sensation.