DTD 18

At last, we narrowed the search down to a single district. It didn’t matter how densely populated Seonan-dong was. I stationed staff throughout the area, paying special attention to high foot traffic zones, and instructed them to stay on alert 24/7. But even after several months, not a single significant lead surfaced.

Not one of my people spotted Johan. Not even a strand of his hair.

“I’m sorry, Guild Leader Simeon.”

They’d all seen Johan’s face through <Portrait of Saint Germain>, and yet not a single one of them recognized him in the crowd. Had he moved? Was he just not leaving his house? Or… had his face changed?

“We’ll divide the zone more thoroughly and search again.”

“No. It’s time for a more definitive approach.”

“A more definitive approach, sir?”

That’s what spirit relics are for, aren’t they? Sure, deploying one in a civilian area without the permission of the Hunter’s Association is grounds for disciplinary action. But I wasn’t about to let some bureaucratic nonsense get in the way, not when my long-awaited prey was finally within reach.

“Plant <Luminous Flower> all over Seonan-dong.”

The spirit item <Luminous Flower> originated from a legend. In a village plagued by constant raids, a young girl prayed day and night in the temple, begging the gods to protect her home. Eventually, she died of starvation but perhaps moved by her sincerity, the Gods seemingly bestowed a miracle upon the small village. 

The village was encased in a thick fog so no one could find it. Those who ventured into the mountains got lost and were devoured by wild beasts. Only those who held a flower from the girl’s grave could pass through the mist.

Inspired by that story, today’s  <Luminous Flower> serves as a relic that casts impenetrable barriers. The wielder can set specific conditions that only chosen individuals can bypass. It’s typically used to keep civilians away from rifts, but tools are only as good as how you use them.

“What condition should we assign to it, sir?”

“…Only those who know the face of the Apostle Simeon may pass.”

The path will appear as a wall to those who don’t know my face. That meant anyone who crossed it must be either an ally or an enemy. A fellow apostle, a journalist who’s uncovered our secrets, or… him. If anyone senses something off about that wall, we’d have no choice but to abort. Time was of the essence.

“One week. Everything rides on this.”

So please… take the bait. If you’re still here, still hiding so pathetically.

****

The trap had been set for five days now. Still no news. I felt like a dog owner who’d put up an electric fence, hoping their runaway mutt would come home. Perhaps it was the other way around. Maybe I was the mutt, abandoned and waiting for a master who would never return.

“Seriously… you really do have a talent for making me feel pathetic, don’t you… Hyung.”

And just when I was waiting for my lost dog to return, a rat sneaked past the fence.

“They’ve been digging into our past?”

[Yes. They even hired a private investigator and took photos of The Apostles.]

“Could it be another guild behind this?”

[We can’t totally rule that out.]

As if the Seonan-dong situation wasn’t enough, now someone was sniffing around on top of that. And hiring a P.I., of all things… Whatever. Johan hyung takes priority, this can wait. I rubbed at my temple, trying to press down the throbbing pain.

“Take them to the Ark. Don’t lay a finger on them until I arrive.”

[Understood.]

Just as I ended the call, my phone rang again. Yulia. She never reaches out without good reason so this had to be urgent. I answered at once, and her voice came through in a low whisper.

[Boss. Someone just passed through the barrier.]

The piercing headache vanished like magic. I didn’t need to hear more. I immediately went to her location.

“Boss, you’re here.”

I arrived in the alleyway to find Yulia and Enoch waiting. They were still in their mission gear, faces hidden behind masks.

“Was what you said on the phone true?”

“Yes. Someone just crossed the barrier, but we haven’t located them yet.”

Could it be the P.I. the staff mentioned earlier? Or… could it be—

“Then we’ll continue monitoring—”

Suddenly, I felt a presence. I raised a hand to silence Yulia mid-sentence. I turned my head… and locked eyes with someone hiding behind an outdoor unit. Startled, they immediately ducked out of sight, but I’d seen them clearly.

“…!”

The fac was unfamiliar. It seemed like a stranger was present. But… those wide, startled eyes felt oddly familiar. And when the red neon light reflected in his light brown irises, it hit me like lightning. Those eyes… that light… they were the same ones I saw under a blood-red sunset.

No, I wasn’t imagining it. That was…

‘Anyway, I can tell it’s you just by looking at your hand movements when you play.’

Back then, I thought it was just childish boasting. But it wasn’t.

“…Found you.”

Because just from his eyes, I knew it was Johan hyung.

He bolted before I could even say a word. If I lost him now, who knows where he’d vanish to next. But I wasn’t too worried. This was my turf, my steel-trapped maze. And I had an excellent tracker on hand.

“Should I go after him?”

Yulia’s icy eyes gleamed as she watched his retreating figure. I nodded.

“Don’t use any force. Just follow him quietly.”

She vanished in an instant.

I couldn’t believe it. He was really here. I stood in silence, trying to absorb it all. Enoch sidled up next to me.

“Is that it? What you’ve been hunting down?”

“It? That’s my hyung you’re talking about.”

“Right, sorry sorry. So, what is it you want from him so badly? Love? Possession? Revenge?”

I blinked slowly, then let out a quiet laugh.

“…All of it.”

There was something on the ground where he’d been hiding. A small notebook, barely pocket-sized. I opened it carefully to find that it was filled with fascinating content.

“He’s still such an interesting person.”

The Apostles, Simeon. He’d done extensive research on me, page after page of notes. Even photos of me using my ability at Mapo Bridge. Just imagining him hiding in a crowd, snapping those pictures made me laugh out loud.

On the last page, he’d written something beside my name, only to scribble it out in thick black ink. If it was my hyung, he would’ve recognized me right away. That I was Sang Heo, the person he’d abandoned.

“So then… how are you going to play this?”

I thought if I waited just a few days, he’d crack and reach out first. But he didn’t. What, did he think if he stayed quiet and kept hiding, I’d just let it go? If he really thought I was that kind of man, I’d be disappointed.

I already know where his precious little nest is.

“Seonan-dong, Samcheon Villa, Unit 302. Lives alone. Been there for a few years now.”

Hajae Shin. It was a nice name. To think he was so-called “P.I. the rat hired”… How fitting. It suited him, didn’t it? Someone who was always eager to help others… even if the meaning of “helping” has become rather twisted now.

“What should we do, Guild Leader? Shall we bring him to the Ark?”

“Not yet… Not yet.”

A few days later, I ran into him again, purely by coincidence this time. It was at the auction for <Firebird’s Breath>. As soon as he saw me, he panicked and ran again. The way he bolted, like a deer chased by a hunter, I couldn’t help but laugh.

But, Hyung… how long do you think you can run?

You know who I am. We’ve already crossed paths twice. One time could be chalked up to chance, but not two. Why did you look at me like I was a ghost? Are you afraid of me? Or am I someone you’ve already buried in your memory, someone you vowed never to face again?

Whatever your reasons, my patience ends here.

“I need a favor, Yulia.”

Time to end this game of hide and seek.

“There’s going to be a special guest at the flower shop soon.”

He always takes requests through open chat, keeping himself anonymous, probably to protect his identity. But ironically, that anonymity only makes him more vulnerable. What if someone posed as a client just to kidnap him?

[Do you also do deliveries?]

It wasn’t for me, of course. I was planning a heartwarming surprise reunion with my long-lost brother. Why not? He threw me a birthday party the night before he disappeared. This was just my way of returning the favor.

[Yes. As long as the contents aren’t dangerous.]

[It’s just a regular bouquet.]

[Then, using a regular flower delivery service would probably be cheaper.]

[I’d prefer to stay anonymous. Is that ok?]

He hesitated, just for a second, but then let his guard down.

[Okay, no problem. Send me the delivery address.]

Silly hyung. After all that running and hiding… he fell for it so easily. But no, it was good that he was a little foolish. If he were too careful, I might think he truly hated me and was running with everything he had. And that couldn’t be true… right?

“Hurry up, Hyung.”

When we finally reunite, how will he react? Will he quietly apologize? Pretend not to know me? If he fakes amnesia, I’ll play along. After everything he’s done for me, it was the least I could do.

[Item confirmed. I’ll be there within 30 minutes.]

Ah… my heart was pounding. I felt helplessly giddy, like a child waiting for Christmas. How shall I take revenge… on the one who broke me? How shall I cherish… the one I love more than life? First, I’ll shackle him down, since his freedom only poisons me.

“Prepare <Crown of Atonement> for when we return.”

With the perfect collar prepared, I left the Ark. 

At the flower shop, Yulia greeted me cheerfully.

“You’re here, boss? I did just as you asked.”

I walked in, light-footed. Inside, I spotted the round curve of his head. He was slumped flat on the ground, unable to move—no doubt from the drugs. Watching him like that, my heart, which had pounded in anticipation, now beat differently. An unpleasant thrum.

Calm down, Sang. What are you afraid of? That he really hates you?

As if that kind, gentle Johan ever could. Yeah. This reaction, him thrashing, trying to escape me… it’s all because of the medicine he took… right? It’s just the medicine.

“Why are you so nervous?”

It’s our long-awaited reunion. You should be happier, Hyung.

“You…”

“Are you scared? You’re worried I’ll do something bad?”

The truth is… you missed me too, didn’t you?

“You have no idea how hard I worked to find you, Mr Hajae Shin.”

…No?

Truthfully, it seemed like Johan did die in the accident that day.

Hajae Shin was so different from my memory that I had my doubts. The only thing that reminded me of him were his eyes, and even then, when they were closed and he was sleeping, it was like I was looking at someone else.

“Hyung….. it’s you, right?”

As I stared at him lying in bed, my curiosity was piqued.

According to our research, Hajae Shin was not registered with The Hunter’s Association. However, that didn’t mean he hadn’t awakened. And since there was no better way to gauge a stranger’s power than to use mine, I took a chance.

“…Why is it like this?”

But I didn’t win a single game.

There was no opponent I hadn’t defeated, and I was sure there never would be. This wasn’t arrogance, but confidence. But no matter how many times I used it on him, all my chess games with him ended in stalemate. I would be on track to win, but then his pieces would cleverly surround my king so that I couldn’t move it.

I can’t win, because he’s stronger than me. Or maybe, perhaps…

“You aren’t able to die, are you?”

“Uh…. how did you know that?”

He must have awakened since he was the only survivor of the horrific bus accident. Now I understood why he didn’t stay in the hospital on purpose. With a body that couldn’t perish, who would let that happen? He’d be lucky that they didn’t kidnap and experiment on him.

But that’s okay, I’m the only one who knows what he can do, and I’ll protect him. Even though….

“So you’re saying that Mr. Hajae was asked to take my picture anonymously, and he was just doing his job?”

“Yes.”

Hyung pretends he doesn’t know me.

I knew he hadn’t really lost his memory and it was all an act. I knew that, but I was going to play along. Relationships are a game where the one who loves more loses. It’s okay if he wasn’t the Johan I wanted him to be. At least he’ll be next to me.

No, how about using his acting in reverse? I’ll just think of him as someone who has a similar vibe to Johan. And if I reveal that I’m constantly looking for and missing ‘Johan’, he’ll inevitably break down. Since hyung is a weak-hearted person.

Yes. There will come a time when he’ll tell me the truth, even if it’s out of guilt. Until then, let’s wait.

“Yulia, you can send Mr. Hajae home.”

“What? …Are you serious?”

“There’s no point in hiding him away, he’s already on my leash anyway.”

I thought I would feel less anxious now that I knew where he was going, but the more time that passed, the more I missed him. I wanted to know where he was going, what he was looking at, and what he was thinking about. It’s funny how I’ve always thought of myself as a patient person.

“Again, you……”

“My name is Sang Heo. My real name.”

“Why… are you telling me that?”

“I want you to call me by my real name, Mr. Hajae.”

The greedier I got, the more anxious I got. I wonder if he’d stay quiet like this and try and disappear again.

No matter how much you change, even if you pretend you don’t know me, please think of me, who only looks at you. I pressured you into <Codex Gigas> to test you, and I felt regret for the first time. Please don’t hate me for that. I’ll do anything you ask, because I don’t have to depend on anyone anymore, and I can give you anything you want.

Please stay by…..

“Don’t move.”

“……Hajae-hyung?”

“If you take just one more step, I’ll stab my carotid artery.”

Who would have thought that an invitation to go for a walk would turn into a suicide attempt? I glanced away for just a moment, and without hesitation, he put the knife to his throat. The closer he got to the cliff, the more blurry my vision became.

“I don’t want to be toyed with by you anymore. So, promise me. Promise that you’ll never appear before me again… and nothing will happen.”

“Put that down, it’s dangerous.”

“I can’t die anyway, so what’s the big deal?”

“Mr. Hajae!”

“If you want to stop this, then promise me.”

Why did you want to run away from me so badly? Why did you want to hurt yourself so badly? Why did you want to cut out your memories of me? Do you… hate me so much you want to die?

“Mr. Hajae. Let’s talk this through—”

“I told you, didn’t I? If you come any closer, I’ll stab myself.”

Blood splattered like waves crashing against a cliff. The dreams that have always haunted me, the nightmares of hyung jumping into the sea and never coming back up, were playing out in reality. I barely managed to pull him out and have Raphael heal him, but his heart remained ice-cold

“I’m not joking. I’ll keep doing this until you give up on me.”

Were all those smiles you showed me fake? Were you only nice to me because you felt sorry for the pitiful child who’d been abandoned? Was I the only one who thought our feelings were the same on that beautiful sunset day?

“Now, choose.”

It’s strange.

“Are you going to watch me suffer to the end?”

There wasn’t a game in the world I couldn’t win.

“Or, will you let me…… go?”

So what the hell kind of love is this, where I keep losing to him?

****

I didn’t know how much time had passed. It could have been days or weeks, as I begged the hallucination of Johan to stop trying to save me. When I woke up, he was right there in front of me. He was beside my bed, like when I was a kid and I’d just woken up after being hit by a car. So, I thought he was here again.

“…..Hyung?”

But it wasn’t him. The vision of Johan I would see was indifferent to most of what I did. But this one crumpled to the ground as if the heavens had fallen when the word ‘hyung’ came from my lips. It was really him. He was the Johan I’d been waiting for.

“Don’t you know who I am?”

You’re correcting yourself, Hajae Shin. You’re right. You abandoned me and came back under the guise of a stranger. You should’ve ignored me. If you were going to cut ties, you should’ve been at least that determined. Oh, perhaps you needed money? Otherwise, why would you….

“Simeon, I care about you.”

Why are you saying that?

…and why to me?

“Simeon, please think of the people that care about you.”

He was wavering again.

Hyung was weak at heart, he’d returned because he feared I was really going to die. I even told him that I was having visions of Johan and that I would erase my past memories, even if it meant dying. When I said that, he looked like he was carrying all my pain. Good. You can keep my life as a hostage and tie me down next to you. We can do that….

“I’m sorry for involving you when you had nothing to do with this.”

Finally, I grabbed the opportunity that had come rolling in. Even though I know from experience that relationships built on pity don’t last long. I just felt so miserable. Maybe I’d gotten tired of this relationship where I had to wait like a dog, coming and going without complaint, whenever my owner told me to.

Still, though. Hyung.

“…Why are you only collecting cursed spirit items? Does it have something to do with finding a way to erase memories?”

“Why should I tell you that, Mr. Hajae?”

“What if I find out your objective first? Will you tell me everything honestly?”

I wouldn’t stop him if he wanted to approach me. Hyung didn’t want me after all, he’s just curious to see what I was up to……. Honestly, don’t you think you should put yourself in the waiting position once in a while, hyung?

“If you’re curious about my goal, find out. Just like when you investigated me.”

So,

“And keep thinking about me constantly. …. just as I have, you.”

Good luck. 

****

He didn’t give up as easily as I thought he would. He dodged and weaved, but he didn’t run away. Honestly? It was fun. For the first time in our relationship, I felt like I was the one in control. I enjoyed the fact that he was clinging to me to find out something.

But it was only for a moment. As our time together grew longer, the truth I tried so hard to ignore kept shattering my illusions. What he wanted was never me. Or to return to a happier time.

“You’re still confusing me with that person. That’s why you’re confused. So… someday, when you escape that person’s shadow, that contradiction will disappear naturally.”

He thought I was searching for a spirit that could ‘erase memories’. But it wasn’t a memory I wanted to erase, it was me. My existence. I held out hope that he didn’t want that. but I was convinced the day I first told him about <Divine Comedy>.

“When you finish <Divine Comedy>, you can go to any point in time you want, only once.”

“Where… are you going to go?”

“To the past, of course… I’m gonna go back to the time before I got attached to that person and send my past self somewhere far away.”

Do you know how you looked when I said that?

“Is it… okay to change the past?”

Even as he spoke, his eyes shone like stars. He was as happy as a mathematician who’d finally found a solution to a problem he’d been tirelessly agonizing over. He quickly changed his expression as if he was bothered by my gaze, but I’d never forget that moment.

The look of joy on your face, like you’re finally ‘free’, hyung.

“I want to help you find the last chapter of <Divine Comedy>.“

That look in your eyes that said you couldn’t wait to escape our past.

……..

…………

……………

“I kind of want to give everything up and live in a peaceful place like this.”

Don’t say that to me in front of <Monet’s Garden>. I’ll get stupidly excited.

“Would you like to give it all up and live with me?”

“Haha, what kind of joke is that…..?”

“I could give up anything if you stayed by my side. Even The Apostles, even <Divine Comedy>.”

His awkward smile visibly stiffened. He regretted what he’d said.

But it wasn’t the first time he’d shown his true feelings without realizing it. He’s been looking at me with such care since the day he returned to the ark of his own accord because he was worried about me, but whenever I approached him, he was quick to avoid me as if I were on fire.

“Simeon. I want to utilize the power of <Bloodletting Sword> properly.”

Do you know how suspicious it is when you try to spin things like this?

“This time, I’ll be your strength.”

“As a comrade?”

“…as a comrade.”

There’s a limit to how much you can pretend you don’t know.

“A comrade? No guild member has ever looked at me the way you look at me.”

It’s weird, you’re acting like you’re being forced to break up with someone. 

“So, I’ve always had this suspicion that you’re hiding something from me.”

“You’re mistaken. My secret has nothing to do with you.”

You’re doing it right now.

“And I don’t know how I’ve been looking at you, but people tend to see what they want to see.”

Why is it that every time I dream of a normal future with you, you look like you’re holding back your tears, even as you intentionally hurt me? What are you hiding? What is the weight of the secrets you’re carrying that scares you every time I try to dig into them?

“……….”

I’m always the one who loses the game against you but this time I was going to win, even if it meant risking my life. So, fine. If you’re not going to talk, I’m going to force you to open your mouth.

“If I discover your secret, you have to give me what I want.”

That’s right.

“You, Mr Hajae.”

Because it was a game that involved my hyung.

****

“I was always sincere.”

Simeon laid his head on my knee and told me everything. He could’ve been emotional, but he was calm the whole time. It was as if he was recounting a story he’d heard somewhere. Perhaps that was why he spoke so softly as if he were whispering only to me. However, it gave me goosebumps in the same way a threat would have.

“If there’s anything else you’re curious about, just ask me, hyung. I’ll tell you everything.”

The longer I spent with him, the more I began to suspect that maybe Simeon knew that I was Johan. However, I never dreamed that he knew from the moment we were reunited. It wasn’t a coincidence that we ran into each other in that back alley. He persistently followed my footsteps and set traps, and I, who was used to living an ordinary life had been completely blind to it. I got caught, unable to even see the traps under my feet.

He knew everything. He knew but pretended not to.

“Why….?”

Why did he go this far? The time we spent together was only a year, and it was so long ago before we’d even become adults. The time we’d spent apart was much longer than that, so why can’t he forget me? Am I worth this? Did I do something great enough to make him risk his life?

“Why me?”

During the time we were apart, Simeon must have met many different people. And he would continue to meet people. Being the leader of The Apostles, and possessing the incredible abilities of an S-ranked hunter, he’d surely be surrounded by better-looking people with more powerful abilities, so why…

“Because you were the first.”

“…What?”

“You were the only person who’s ever made me look forward to tomorrow, hyung.”

If he’d given me a superficial reason, I would’ve tried to persuade him to give up. But he said he was looking forward to tomorrow because of me. I couldn’t say anything because I knew what ‘tomorrow’ meant to someone who was stuck in the past and wanted to end it all. 

Even though my heart was heavy, I had to decide. After a while, I finally opened my mouth.

“Come with me… let’s go somewhere for a bit.”

Simeon followed without question, without asking where or why. I opened a door with the key and a cold wind and a familiar smell brushed my nose. It was a similar yet different scenery from what we’d seen in heaven. The cathedral, slightly worn with time, had an unfamiliar, quiet atmosphere.

“Here….”

“I swore I’d never come back. No matter how thick-skinned I am, I just… couldn’t do it.”

But Simeon brought me here to commemorate Johan’s birthday. I thought back to how he must have felt preparing a bouquet right in front of me that day. Was he sad? Angry? I couldn’t focus on the changes in his expression, it felt like I was a suspect under interrogation, with my heart being strangled tight.

Even now, my hands were still trembling. I was standing on the same cliff as before, but I was shaking even more. Maybe because I was here not as Hajae Shin, but as Johan.

“Where should I begin?”

I exhaled deeply, my white breath seemingly stretching endlessly across the horizontal skyline.

“When I was little, my parents often brought me to this cathedral. You know, just sitting here and listening to the organ used to calm me down—it was kind of amazing. That’s why I came here a lot, even by myself.”

As I turned my head quietly, I saw his tense face.

“And then… I met you.”

When I offered a faint smile, the tension between his brows slowly eased.

Would you still be able to smile if I told you the secret I’ve carried my whole life? Wouldn’t it be better to just remain by your side as ‘Johan’ and quietly leave one day? Would I end up stealing your smile again?

Many thoughts flashed through my head in a short moment, but in the end, I chose the truth.

“You know, Sang-ah…”

My clammy hands clenched and then opened.

“The reason I first talked to you… Honestly, it wasn’t anything special. It’s just, everyone else had given up trying to get close to you, so I kind of got stubborn about it. I thought, ‘Well, maybe I can open this person’s heart.’ Call it pride, if you will.”

My throat suddenly tightened mid-sentence. It felt like a piece of my conscience I thought was long gone had suddenly resurfaced. No more habitual lies. No more deceiving myself to cover up my selfish, cowardly nature.

“No, actually, that’s not it. The truth is…”

I closed my eyes gently.

“I saw myself in you. The way you were always alone.”

The kid no one wanted to approach, the kid no one should approach. An outsider with no family or friends, someone who shouldn’t form relationships. We were very alike, or, maybe I just decided that on my own.

“I thought… if you could eventually go out into the world and live normally because of me, then maybe… I’d feel comforted. That’s all it was.”

Back then, I played chess and prepared a Rubik’s cube only thinking of Sang, but in truth, it was all for me. As a kid, I wished someone would play the games I enjoyed with me, that someone would buy things I wanted and thoughtfully gift them to me.

“Things like a teacher’s sense of duty, or the spirit of service… I didn’t have any of that. It was just the attention I’d wanted to receive, the words I’d wanted to hear, the comfort I never got… I gave all of that to you because no one ever gave it to me.”

Once I let it all out, I felt like a hole had been punched in my chest. But that emptiness wasn’t as bad as I’d expected. In fact, cold air flowed in through that large hole, like a winter sea breeze, and my whole body felt lighter. I took a deep breath and stepped toward the edge of the cliff.

Simeon urgently grabbed my arm.

“But everyone at the cathedral liked you, hyung.”

“Me?”

A bitter smile formed on my lips.

“That wasn’t really me.”

If you want to avoid making someone feel special, treat everyone equally. Be kind to everyone, smile at anyone, and always say you’re fine without ever revealing how you really feel inside. That way, even if you do smile a little more brightly at someone specific, it won’t even be noticeable.

You can smile meaninglessly because that’s just who you are. It doesn’t mean you see anyone as special. That’s what I’d brainwashed myself to believe. However, I didn’t know, as a teenager, that this act would become an irreversible mistake.

“I used you… for myself.”

“I don’t care. Thanks to you, I—”

“No!”

I harshly brushed off the hand gripping my arm and raised my voice.

“I shouldn’t have. From the start… I should’ve never gotten close to you.”

The way his face slowly twisted was seared into my mind.

“Do you regret meeting me?”

“Yeah.”

“…How much do you regret it?”

“So much that I wish I could go back into <Divine Comedy> and beat up my past self.”

Simeon bit his lip hard. That usual cynicism he wore around me and the relaxed confidence of someone who always felt victorious, were gone. In its place were soft, wounded eyes, stirring up memories I wanted to forget. At that moment, it wasn’t Simeon in front of me, it was Sang Heo.

“Do you… hate me that much?”

“…No. I wish I did.”

His gaze, which had been dropping helplessly, suddenly snapped back up. His slightly furrowed brows seemed to be asking what the hell I meant by that.

I looked away this time, lacking the courage to meet his eyes.

“Do you remember, how I told you my mom left home when I was seven?”

“Yeah. You said you didn’t know why.”

“I lied. I knew. She left because of me.”

I still remember vividly, the words in that letter that had now been reduced to ash.

‘Hajae, Mom is leaving because she loves you.’

The last time I’d heard my mother’s voice, the day of my seventh birthday.

“She didn’t want to pass it on to me.”

“Pass what on?”

“…A curse.”

Without realizing it, I tensed. My hands trembled uncontrollably, and I clenched my fists awkwardly, trying to smile.

“And one day, I just knew. That the curse had been transferred from her to me.”

“…What kind of curse is it?”

My mouth wouldn’t open. Telling the one person I never wanted to know the secret I’d kept for years, made me nauseous. I stayed silent for a long time until Simeon grabbed my shoulder and turned me around by force.

“Tell me.”

Those dark eyes were crystal clear, just like the first time we met.

“A curse that brings a fated death.”

“What do you mean…?”

“Whoever receives this curse dies in exactly ten years.”

His eyes widened instantly.

“It causes you to die on a specific day. You won’t die before then, no matter what happens. And…”

My breath faded into the air like mist.

“The moment you die, the curse transfers to the person you love most.”

Ah. The day finally came when I had to say it.

“Now do you understand why my mom left me?”

There’s no such thing as a secret that lasts forever.

“Why I tried to erase you from my memory?”

Simeon couldn’t recover from the shock. His face had turned pale as he stared at me, dumbfounded. Yes. Who could be okay with inheriting a curse? I gave him a bitter smile and turned to leave the cliff.

“Hyung.”

Simeon grabbed my arm again. This time, he clutched my shoulder with the other hand, so hard it ached. His eyes were bloodshot, lips trembling and pressed tightly together. It wouldn’t have been strange if he started to scream at me in anger right then.

“How long… do you have left?”

But he asked something I didn’t expect.

“What?”

“You said it’s exactly ten years. So how much time do you have left?”

If I told him honestly, how long I had… would that beautiful face crumble? My wish to part ways with him still smiling slowly faded. Should I lie, even now? The thought crossed my mind but it was soon drowned out by a wave of futility. What was the point? This game was already over.

Silence washed over the cliff like a wave.

“Hyung!”

He couldn’t bear the silence and shook me roughly. I had no choice but to answer.

“Two months.”

On January 20th. A snowy winter. A cold day with frost, just like your name.

I will disappear from this world on the anniversary of my mother’s death. And I will leave you with only wounds and curses.

The unbearable silence pressed heavily on my shoulders. Although confessing my secret brought an immense sense of relief, my heart didn’t feel any lighter. It simply hurt, like I was carrying a block of iron on my back.

Unable to meet his eyes, I lowered my head, and Simeon suddenly grabbed both of my shoulders.

“You’re lying, hyung.”

His hands trembled just as much as his voice.

“This kind of joke isn’t funny.”

He shook my shoulders roughly as if demanding an answer, but I had nothing else to say. With my lips sealed tight, I could only sway helplessly in the winter wind like a willow.

Eventually, the grip that had felt like it would never let me go began to loosen.

“…This isn’t funny…”

He dropped to his knees in front of me. The kid who wouldn’t flinch even when a blade was pointed at his throat was now breaking down because of me. His hands that had gripped my shoulders, slid down and hung limply at my wrists. They were cold against my skin, and trembling like they were clutching onto their final lifeline.

“We only just found each other again after all this time… So why…”

When I crouched down to face him, he finally looked up and I saw the face I hadn’t dared to look at until now. Honestly, it would’ve been better if he had cried. Instead, his eyes were devoid of focus as he stared into nothingness, repeating his denial of reality.

“Tell me it’s not true. Please say it isn’t…”

After mumbling to himself for a while, he suddenly raised his head and widened his eyes.

“What… did this to you?”

“…What?”

“What do you mean, ‘what’? We need to know the cause to break the curse, obviously!”

I hesitated to speak, and his face twisted with frustration.

“Don’t tell me… you don’t know?”

“I know.”

“Then why won’t you tell me? Are you still hiding trying to hide things from me?”

It was because telling him wouldn’t change anything. Just as I was about to swallow the words rising in my throat…

“Hyung!”

Simeon raised his voice and gripped my wrist hard. I winced from the sharp pain, and he quickly loosened his grip as he realized. He even started checking my wrist with anxious eyes, worried he might’ve left a mark. Even now… that’s what he’s worried about. You really are…

“It’s <Contradiction>.”

At that single word, his eyes flinched visibly.

“You mean… that spirit item?”

I nodded silently.

His already pale complexion turned deathly cold as if frost had spread across his skin.

I told him everything then. The truth behind <Contradiction>. My mother, who sacrificed herself for her friend. Mom’s colleague who’d used <Divine Comedy> to change the past for her friend.

He seemed to be piecing the puzzle together in his mind, a furrow forming on his brow.

“Then the Hunter who helped us in <Divine Comedy> was…”

“Yeah… She got trapped in there while saving my mom.”

I still remember her bright, refreshing smile. She devoted seven years and the rest of her life to saving my mother, yet there was not a hint of regret on her face. Even when she met me inside <Divine Comedy>, she still helped me, not even knowing I was her friend’s son.

“That person… no, my auntie… I only exist here because of her.”

There was a time when I resented my mom for choosing her friend over her family. Then I blamed that friend for driving my mom to her death. However, once I learned the truth, I couldn’t resent either of them. This tragedy wasn’t anyone’s fault, it was <Contradiction>’s fault.

“Listen carefully, Sang-ah. My enemy isn’t a monster or a person.”

It was a curse born of a spirit relic, a fate it had distorted. When you look at the stories from mythology and history, very few individuals have ever overcome fate. Even the great heroes who slew gods eventually fell prey to fate. So, then, what chance did an ordinary person like me have? No doubt I would meet a similar end.

I forced a laugh, trying to hide the expression that threatened to crumble on my face. But Simeon shook his head firmly.

“No.”

“No what?”

“It’s not just your enemy, hyung. It’s our enemy.”

His cute little wordplay drew a faint, helpless chuckle from me.

“Yeah, you’re right. If I die like this, you’ll inherit it, after all…”

“That’s not what I meant.”

There was a trace of resentment and betrayal in his eyes as he looked at me.

“Why are you speaking like someone who’s already given up? You’ve still got two months left!”

God. How was he always this predictable?

“In two months, a spirit item that could lift the curse might appear. Or an S-class rift could open. You know, there could still be spirit items out there I don’t even know about…”

He wouldn’t give up on me. Of course not. If it were him with the curse, I would’ve done everything to break it too. It was more than I deserved, and I was grateful. However, I wasn’t getting my hopes up, nor was I going to fool myself again. Hope had already swept through me once, providing a temporarily hollow comfort that didn’t amount to anything.

“Hyung… are you even listening?”

I slowly turned my gaze toward the sea. The tension I’d held in so tightly in order to keep my secret had unraveled, and a creeping sense of helplessness rose inside me. If I just jumped into the sea now, I bet it’d feel liberating, like I could toss all these worries into the depths…

However, I couldn’t do that, not with his hand holding onto mine. No, I had already fallen from the cliff a long time ago. It’s just that Sang’s hand was keeping me hanging on the edge.

“Sang-ah.”

If he could just let go, I could return to the quiet sea.

“I just… want to be happy for these last two months.”

“…Happy?”

“Yeah. Like a person with no plans, no obligations, nothing.”

I want to leave behind the heavy stuff and just live normally for a while. I know it’s selfish, but, if we gave it our all, only to discover the life-saving rope we thought we’d found was rotten… Just imagining how much Sang would blame himself was enough to choke me.

“I know it’s a hard ask. But…”

I trailed off in shock when I saw his bloodshot eyes.

I’d driven the person who was always calm to that point. I had no right to defend myself if he turned on me now. That’s what I thought anyway until he said something completely unexpected.

“Fine. We’ll do what you want.”

“Really?”

Hope sparked in my eyes but it didn’t last long as he nodded, continuing.

“But I’ll also do whatever I want, too.”

“…Huh?”

Wait… what?

“You said you saw yourself in me when I was a kid, right? Well, now I see my younger self in you.”

“Sang-ah.”

“After my parents died, no one wanted to take me in because of the debt hanging over me. Even though I had living relatives, I was dumped into an orphanage full of strangers.

I was just a kid, but… honestly, I’d lost the will to live any longer.”

A faint, bitter smile appeared on his lips.

“But someone who had nothing to do with me… wanted me to live.”

“That’s…”

“You’re the one who kept me alive, hyung.”

His voice was thick with suppressed emotion.

Yeah. He’d always wanted to die. I was the one who stopped him, even appearing in his visions when we were apart. Yet, now I had the nerve to ask him to let me die quietly, so of course he’d be angry. Of course, it wouldn’t make sense.

“I’m sorry… for giving you affection so selfishly and then just trying to leave.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m not blaming you.”

“Then…?”

He closed his eyes gently, exhaling deeply as if releasing his pain. When he opened them again, his face was calm. His warm and steady gaze made me afraid of what he was going to say next.

“What I wanted to say was…”

I tried to interrupt, but it was no use.

“Thank you for making me want to live.”

No, don’t thank me. Curse me, hate me. Tell me you resent me for being selfish.

“So, now, I’m going to save you.”

The unshaken resolve in his eyes made me think, just for a moment, that maybe, maybe he could twist fate. But that hope vanished quickly. Even those beautiful eyes, full of light, would one day go dim. And it’d be all my fault.

“It doesn’t matter if the opponent is a spirit item or fate.”

It was bad enough for me to pass on a curse, but now I was feeling extra guilty and burdened.

“I will definitely win.”

This is the worst.

****

After a long, exhausting day, I finally made it back to my room. I threw myself onto the bed, ready to fall asleep right there, when—

“The moon is especially beautiful tonight. Why not take a moment to admire it?”

A voice tinged with amusement drifted from the shadows.

I quickly turned my head and found Mujeong sitting on the edge of the bed. Was this the first time since returning to reality? I wanted to tell him not to bother me today because I was too tired but that ridiculous smile plastered on his face kept tugging at me.

“Why do you keep grinning like that?”

“Well, because I am delighted, of course. My wish has been granted.”

Wish?

‘From the depths of my heart, I pray your plans in Heaven do not succeed.’

Ah, this damn spirit. As that voice flitted through my mind, a sigh escaped me. Whether he knew I wanted to curse him out or not, Mujeong simply placed a hand over his chest and gave a slight nod.

“Welcome back safely, Master.”

“You really…”

“Whatever you wish to do to me at this moment, I shall accept it graciously.”

Seeing that ridiculous grin on his face, I clenched my fist tightly and then slowly let it go.

“What could I possibly do to you? I’m the one who’s at fault.”

“…Master.”

“I expected the plan might fail. But… I didn’t think it would end up like this.”

Lying on my back, staring at the ceiling, the regrets of that day washed over me like a tide.

“If only I’d said something to my past self about <Contradiction>. Told him the curse that plagued my mother came from that and urged him to destroy it. But… when the moment came, my mind went completely blank. And then Sang-ah… I was too focused on stopping him from getting hurt….”

As if waiting for the chance, excuses poured out out of my mouth. I knew all too well that missing the opportunity to change the past wasn’t because of some unexpected move from a phantom or Mujeong’s wish, it was my mistake alone. That only made it more pathetic. But no matter how many excuses I gave, nothing would change.

“…Where did it all go wrong?”

After wandering such a long, winding maze, I had ended up at a dead end, not an exit. An overwhelming sense of helplessness welled up in me, and my eyes began to sting unexpectedly. Worried Mujeong might tease me about it later, I quickly wiped away the tears,

However, oddly enough, Mujeong’s expression was twisted in sorrow. What the hell? Just a moment ago he was smiling like he owned the world.

“What’s with you? Act like you normally do.”

Say something like ‘what kind of Master cries over this?’, mock me, so I can chase this rising despair back down. Don’t look at me with that understanding gaze when you know what I want to hear. Say it was my fault and that I messed everything up. Just, please… Don’t reach out to me with a kind hand.

“You appear tired. Perhaps you should rest now, Master.”

His calm voice sparked an unexplainable anger in me as I grabbed his wrist and shot up from the bed.

“You know, don’t you?”

“Know what…?”

“What it takes to lose the title of ‘master’.”

His red eyes flickered with confusion.

“If the current owner loses their qualification, a rift opens to seek a new master, right?”

The corners of my mouth twitched as I forced a bitter smile.

“Even after all my crying and wavering, <Bloodletting Sword> still acknowledges me as its master?”

Tears finally broke free and trailed down my cheeks. How strange. I felt more at peace than ever, and yet….

Mujeong, uncharacteristically flustered, hurried to wipe my tears with his long sleeve.

“Until this point, whenever the will of the sword master would falter, a rift would appear.”

“Then why not now?”

“…I do not know.”

“If you don’t know, who does?”

“I have only ever acted on what the sword commanded.”

After a pause, something seemed to come to him. He opened his mouth.

“Perhaps…”

“What?”

However, he stopped abruptly. His eyes dropped and one side of his mouth curved into a crooked smile.

Why now? Why are you laughing now, when you wouldn’t earlier? I slapped his hand away from my face and scoffed.

“What’s so funny?”

I stared straight at him. He glanced back briefly, then lowered his eyes again. That cold, cynical smile played at his lips, but something about it… didn’t feel aimed at me. It seemed more like… He was mocking himself.

“It is perhaps because of me.”

“What do you mean?”

Instead of answering, Mujeong suddenly got off the bed. Then, without a word, he knelt before me. Even during battle, he never let his knees touch the ground. He was someone who would never put aside his pride, no matter the situation. Yet here he was now, lowering his head to me, formally and deliberately.

What kind of bomb was he about to drop? My heart thudded uneasily.

“I dared to wish I could remain by your side.”

“…What?”

“Even if you were to meet a tragic end… I wished for you to die as my master.”

He didn’t want another master… Was that what he meant before we entered Heaven?

“If that is the reason the blade is following my will….”

His crimson eyes, fixed at my feet, darkened like dried blood.

“I am… deeply sorry, Master.”

My mind went blank. This wasn’t something I could brush off as a joke. His shadowed face radiated sincerity, more than ever before, and I knew better than anyone what emotion was boiling beneath that calmness.

I couldn’t scold him, couldn’t bring myself to be angry. All I could do was stare at him in silence.

****

Even after I confessed everything, Sang treated me just the same as always. No, perhaps I should say, just like before.

“Good morning, hyung.”

That smile I thought I’d never see again greets me every single day. However, his complexion worsened with each passing day. I already found out from his bodyguard that he was buying up every spirit item he could find. On top of that, he’s barely sleeping, searching endlessly for a way to break the curse. There’s no way his body could endure that.

“If you’re free later, want to go to the art museum? I heard some of Monet’s works are on display.”

And yet, he does his best not to show any fatigue in front of me, which only makes it more worrying.

“Or… there’s also a concert we could—”

“Not going.”

I shot him down instantly, and he hesitantly gauged my reaction.

“Ah… are you busy?”

“No. But this isn’t the time for that.”

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. Sang tilted his head, puzzled. His already pale face looked even more colorless under the lights… and even still—he was handsome, as striking as ever. But that wasn’t important right now. At this rate, he was going to die before I did.

I pulled him by the arm, still standing awkwardly by the door, and brought him over to the bed. Even when I pushed his shoulders until he sat down, he looked up at me as if to ask why.

I clicked my tongue in annoyance.

“Go to sleep.”

“I already slept.”

“When? Not last night, at least.”

When I pressed for specifics, he averted his eyes like he hadn’t heard.

“What if you collapse?”

“Hyung, I’m fine, really.”

“Fine? Have you seen your face?”

Under the harsh lights, the dark circles beneath his eyes looked worse than ever. I reached out carefully and brushed under his eyes with my thumb. He smiled warmly and leaned into my hand. He seemed thinner, too.

“There was someone I used to work with. They looked exactly like you do now and they were quick to collapse from overworking themself.”

“…Well, they were weak.”

“Weak? And you think you’re different? Keep this up and I’ll have Michael sing you to sleep if I have to.”

With a thin sigh, I pulled my hand back.

He looked up at me again, eyes faintly pleading, like he was silently asking me to trust that he was okay. Who was scolding who, really? Still, I couldn’t help worrying.

“If you’re doing all this just because you don’t want to inherit the curse, I have no right to tell you what to do.”

“Hyung.”

“But if it’s because you want to save me… then start by taking care of yourself.”

The smile that bloomed at my touch evaporated in an instant.

“You come first, not me.”

“Sang-ah.”

“I know there has to be a way to break the curse. We just haven’t found it yet…”

“Yeah. Let’s talk about this later, for now, just sleep. I’ll stay here until you do.”

I moved to turn off the light, but his low voice stopped me.

“And after I fall asleep?”

“Hmm?”

“You’ll leave me.”

…What? 

I was completely caught off guard by the sudden accusation. When I turned, I saw him standing motionless in front of the bed. His expression might have seemed cold, but beneath it, I could see the fear.

“No. I’ll stay right here.”

Click—.

The moment I flicked the switch, a chilly voice came from behind me.

“You said that last time, too.”

I flinched, and when I turned back, he was wearing a bitter smile.

“And then you left.”

I couldn’t even come up with an excuse, I just bit my lip in frustration. Meanwhile, he stepped closer, one stride at a time. I felt a strange pressure from his approaching figure and instinctively stepped back.

“I won’t go this time. I swear.”

“…Liar.”

Thud—!

My heel hit the door. There was nowhere left to retreat as he stopped in front of me.

“If I don’t find a solution in two months, you’ll leave me behind.”

“…That’s what this is about?”

…Yeah. I’ll probably end up leaving. But not because I want to, it wasn’t my choice. In the beginning, I hadn’t given up, I never wanted to surrender to fate, but… reality isn’t that simple. It was better if I was the only one who got hurt by false hope. So…

“There’s nothing I can do.”

Giving up was a learned habit. I’d been putting on this hopeless act all for the sake of saving Sang, but I was done now.

Even the supposed chance I had in Heaven turned to dust. And the possibility of an S-Class rift appearing? Slim to none. After being knocked down seven times, I didn’t have the strength to stand up for the eighth time.

“What do you mean, there’s nothing you can do? Why are you giving up so easily?”

“Easily? You think this is easy for me!?”

It wasn’t. It wasn’t at all. I barely managed to hold back the emotions rising in my throat, as my words slipped out like a whisper.

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you…”

I regretted it as soon as the truth slipped out. When I glanced over at him, his eyes were filled with unmistakable pain.

I quickly looked away.

Bang—!

He slammed the wall with his fist and then, in a low voice, he spoke.

“Hyung… when you made that decision… did you ever think about me?”

His black eyes were beyond sorrow or anger, they had the chilling emptiness of someone pushed to the emotional edge.

“Did you worry about what would happen to me, who you left all alone?”

Of course, I did. I always thought of you, that’s why I was still wearing this leash. If there were any way to have spared you the curse, I would have done it. I would have sold my soul to the devil, I would go back to that hell I barely escaped and wander it forever if it meant saving you.

But… The more I thought about it, the more I realized.

That it wasn’t really for you.

“No. I didn’t.”

It was all for me.

“I only ever… thought about myself.”