DTD 3

“Are these all the precautions we need to take?”

“No.”

Simeon shook his head firmly as he replied.

“We can’t let any beings inside the gate realize that we’re ‘outsiders.’”

“What happens if they find out?”

“If they get too suspicious, we’ll be instantly ejected back to reality.”

There were more things to be cautious of than I expected, and I couldn’t help but let out a sigh.

To stop the spirit’s rampage, we had to enter the gate and complete a specific mission. That alone was hard enough, but we also had to pretend to be people originally from that world while carrying out the mission. It was like climbing up a mountain only to find that once we reached the top, there was another taller mountain we had to climb.

“Since <Codex Gigas> was created in the 17th century, the gate’s interior will likely be from that era as well.”

“Then how can we not get caught? Our clothes alone are a problem.”

“Don’t worry. Once we enter the gate, our appearances change to match the world created by the spirit.”

The moment we enter the fictional world, our appearance changes. It’s like becoming an actor on stage. If we faithfully play our roles on the stage set by the spirit, the curtain will close safely. However, if we deviate from the script, we’ll be mercilessly kicked out. Only after the glorious curtain call ends will the spirit’s rampage stop, and we’ll be able to return to reality.

“It sounds difficult….”

I anticipated difficulties ahead, but as long as I follow Simeon’s instructions, I should at least not be a burden.

“And finally.”

“There’s more…?”

“This is the most important thing.”

He spoke with a serious expression devoid of any hint of a smile.

“Remember that injuries sustained inside the gate carry over to reality.”

“Ah…”

I already knew that. I had read an article about a hunter who lost consciousness in the gate and was still in a coma. To prevent any more victims, we had to succeed. For some reason, the weight on my shoulders felt heavier.

“We’ve arrived.”

With the guard’s words, the car came to a stop. I took a deep breath to ease my tension when Simeon spoke.

“Before you leave, turn the watch bezel to the left.”

Does it do something else?

I followed his instructions and turned the bezel to the left, hearing a click, similar to locking a padlock. Nothing seemed to change, but when I glanced at my reflection in the window, I was startled.

“What, what the…!”

I was wearing a black mask, just like The Apostles wore. Even though there were no eye holes, I could see as clearly as usual. Cautiously touching my cheek, I could feel my skin. Just in case, I turned the bezel to the right.

Click—. 

I heard the sound again, and the black shadow covering my face disappeared gradually.

“Damn.” 

A curse slipped out of my mouth. 

After that, I kept turning the bezel while turning my head this way and that. Though I didn’t understand how it worked, a black substance flowed from the edges and quickly covered my face. Even after seeing it several times with my own eyes, I couldn’t believe it.

“So it’s not a real mask….”

I muttered in awe, and Simeon chuckled softly.

“Otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to see.”

“I was curious about that, too. Is this also the work of a spirit item?”

“No. This is the handiwork of one of our guild members.”

Creating something like this… The Apostles must be composed of truly incredible awakeners. Aside from the two I’ve already met, I became genuinely curious about the abilities of the other nine members. However, the only way to meet them directly would be to become one of the Apostles.

“But why do we have to wear the mask?”

The moment I asked about something that’d been bothering me, Simeon turned the bezel of his watch and replied.

“You’ll see when we get outside.”

With a clicking sound, darkness fell over his face as well. No, it should have. But contrary to my expectations, I could see Simeon’s face clearly. I stared at him, thinking the watch might be broken, and he smiled faintly.

“People wearing the mask can see each other’s faces.”

“…That’s really convenient.”

Just before the car door opened, Simeon glanced at me and added.

“Also, wear the hood if you can.”

I wasn’t sure why, but I pulled the hood over my head and followed him out of the car. The next moment, bright lights exploded in front of me.

Click, click, click, click, click—.

Sharp noises repeatedly pierced my ears. As my eyes gradually adjusted to the brightness, I saw a crowd of reporters holding cameras and microphones. The camera lenses aimed at me felt like gun barrels. Soon, a barrage of questions as relentless as the flashes followed.

“Did you make any special preparations for the gate this time?”

“Why do you think the other hunters failed this past month?”

“Will you keep the spirit’s powers secret again if you acquire them this time?”

I could only make out a few complete sentences amidst the overlapping voices. It was like turning on multiple radios at maximum volume simultaneously. Fortunately, the reporters didn’t block the way, but it was still hard to move forward with the barrage of questions coming at me nonstop.

As I began feeling dizzy, someone gently grabbed my arm and pulled me into their arms.

“Are you okay?”

The low voice whispering in my ear was Simeon’s. He stood in front of me as if shielding me from the cameras. For a moment, the clicking of cameras stopped. Finally, I could breathe easier, and I leaned into him and slowly nodded.

“I’m just… surprised.”

I answered softly, and he let out a deep sigh. His warm breath tickled my hair.

After that, Simeon half-embraced me as we pushed through the crowd. I didn’t even have time to worry about a photo of us being plastered on the front page of online news. It was just comforting that, with him by my side, the reporters didn’t approach rudely.

After struggling through the crowd, I finally saw a path leading into the forest. It must be a restricted area. Barricades were set up to prevent vehicles from entering, and guards from the association were lined up. The security level was on par with that of a military facility.

Suddenly, I became worried about being an ordinary person without a hunter’s license. But the guards moved aside and cleared a path for us as soon as they saw Simeon. Of course, he must have obtained permission in advance, but it was still a bit anticlimactic that we were let in without any checks.

“Is it really okay to just walk in like this?”

I whispered as we entered the restricted area, and Simeon chuckled.

“I told you not to worry. Don’t you trust me?”

“No, it’s not that….”

The power gained through fame and wealth was certainly convenient.

How long did we walk through the forest? I no longer sensed any people around. Finally, we were alone. As soon as I confirmed no one else nearby, I relaxed my shoulders and sighed deeply.

“Haa… So that’s why we wore the masks.”

Some hunters might enjoy public attention, but I didn’t. Famous hunters have no privacy, just like celebrities. That’s probably why Simeon started wearing a mask, too. I felt even more guilty about secretly taking and selling his picture.

When I glanced at him, I met eyes filled with concern.

“Are you hurt?”

“No. Thanks to you, I’m fine.”

If Simeon hadn’t supported me then, I would’ve probably collapsed. If that’d happened, humiliating pictures with clickbait headlines like ‘Apostles, suddenly collapse on the way to the gate?!’ would have been all over the news. Just imagining it was terrifying.

As I wiped the cold sweat off my forehead, Simeon lightly patted my shoulder and spoke.

“Alright, the gate is over there.”

Following him through the dense forest path, we reached a clearing. The sight that unfolded before me took my breath away. An enormous black mass stood on the vast expanse of land.

“Wow…”

If a black hole from space were dragged down to Earth, it might look like this.

Seeing the oval-shaped black sphere, easily over 7 meters tall, I could understand why people called it a rift. It looked as if someone had slashed through space-time with a blade, forcibly tearing it apart. The inside was pitch black, revealing nothing, and no sound escaped from it. The closer I got, the heavier the gravity seemed to become.

“We have to go in there, right?”

“Yes. Do you get motion sickness?”

“No. I don’t get motion sickness, but…”

Hesitating on the spot, unable to enter so easily, Simeon extended his hand to me.

“Shall we go?”

Seeing his calm face, as if we were just going on a trip, made me feel a little more at ease. Carefully, I took his hand and entered the rift. To be more precise, the moment we stepped into the rift, black material burst out and swallowed us whole.

From that point on, I had no idea what was happening. Everything went dark, blinding me, and all I could hear was a ringing in my ears. My body felt like it was sinking into a swamp, unable to move at will. The only comfort was the hand I was holding onto.

How much time had passed in the darkness? A cold breeze blew from somewhere.

“Mmm…”

When I slowly opened my eyes, I found myself standing on a hill. The village seen just below resembled a European medieval city. Similar-looking brick houses are close together, and goats freely roam the hills and graze on the grass.

Did you say that <Codex Gigas> was completed in the 17th century? Indeed, the world of that time had been perfectly constructed and had unfolded before my eyes. Even as the smell of grass passed through my nose,  it felt like I was dreaming.

While I was looking at the scenery blankly, I heard a soft voice.

“Your watch.”

“Oh, right.”

As I hastily pressed the button on my wristwatch, I felt something strange.

Before I knew it, my outfit had changed. The coat I was wearing now had a cape draped over the shoulders, long enough to cover my feet. It had multiple buttons running down the front, with no other decoration. It was a familiar outfit that the priest would wear during important masses.

“It suits you well.”

I turned around at the voice, and Simeon was also dressed in a cassock, just like me. With his tall height and well-proportioned body, the cassock suited him exceptionally well. The capeline that perfectly matched his broad shoulders and the fascia wrapped around his slender waist contrasted with his broad chest, giving him an austere appearance.

I stared at him in a daze momentarily before snapping back to my senses.

“What is all this?”

“I told you, you’ll change to fit into the world created by the spirit.”

“I know, but I don’t understand why it has to be priestly robes.”

“Well, we do have to perform a demon.”

I was about to ask what he meant, but the voice I heard from a distance soon cleared up my confusion.

“Are you the priests who came to assist with the exorcism?”

Turning around, I saw a young nun descending the church steps.

I see. So, we’ve become priests sent to exorcise demons. Is she here to give us the mission? It really feels like receiving a quest from an NPC in a game. Anyway, to avoid suspicion and not get thrown out, we have to blend in naturally.

“Hello.”

I smiled gently, and the nun placed her hand over her rosary and greeted me.

“I’ve been waiting for you. What are your names, if I may ask?”

I almost instinctively said, Hajae Shin. A name like that wouldn’t fit a priest in a rural European church in the 17th century. While contemplating what to say to sound natural, Simeon spoke up first.

“My name is Simeon.”

“Ah, Simeon, I see. And you are…?”

Her gaze turned to me before I could even think. It would only raise more suspicion if I took too long to say my name. But the only name that came to mind was the one I must never utter in front of Sang.

What should I do?

“Father?”

As doubt clouded her eyes, a low voice whispered to me.

“Johan.”

I winced and looked up to see Simeon gazing down at me.

“Don’t just stand there. Introduce yourself, Johan.”

The moment our eyes met, his softened into a delicate curve. It was a disturbingly beautiful smile, but I didn’t have the luxury of returning it.

I never imagined he would call me Johan first. What lies beneath that gentle smile? Is he truly looking at me, or is he still lost in the radiant past? Perhaps he’s trying to completely replace me by overlaying my identity with that name.

“Johan?”

“Ah, yes! Nice to meet you.”

For now, my priority is to get through this situation. I greeted her with a bright smile, and the suspicion on her face faded away.

“Johan and Simeon, thank you both for coming. Please, this way.”

As I followed her up the hill, I glanced sideways at Simeon. He must have noticed me looking, but he continued to stare straight ahead. Ultimately, I had no choice but to bring up the awkward topic myself.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“I was caught off guard because I didn’t know any baptismal names.”

If I pretend not to know, maybe he’ll show more of what’s inside. Simeon looked down at me silently for a moment as I smiled innocently. His dark eyes were calmer than I expected. Then, almost to himself, he abruptly said,

“It was his baptismal name.”

“…Ah.”

He spoke sooner than I expected, catching me off guard. Unsure of how to respond, I ended up saying something trivial.

“I feel a bit guilty.”

“Why?”

“Because that person is precious to you. I wonder if it’s okay for me to use that name so casually.”

It’s embarrassing to say, but I’m not just being arrogant. He’s constantly trying to find Johan, trapping him in a frame, gazing at him several times a day, and even showing affection to me, who resembles Johan. He wouldn’t go through all that trouble unless he held Johan dear.

Despite my confidence in what I said, the response I got was rather cold.

“Precious…?”

Simeon halted in place and murmured as if he were questioning something. He soon fell into deep thought, his face slightly frowning. His shadowed brow even gave off a hint of displeasure.

“It seems… you’re mistaken.”

Mistaken? Is he not a precious person? Then what about everything I’ve seen until now? And what about his obsessive behavior towards me? Too many things can’t be explained unless it’s by those feelings for Johan.

Just as I was about to ask what he meant, we arrived in front of the church.

“We’re here.”

The church was built of rough stone, with cloudy glass windows instead of ornate stained glass. The ivy-covered walls gave it a serene countryside feel, but the door was shocking. A set of chains with four locks covered the old wooden door.

Isn’t a church always supposed to be open for anyone to enter? This looks more like a prison.

“I should be offering you some tea, but I’m sorry.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine.”

She pulled out a set of keys from her pocket and began unlocking the locks individually. The loud clicking of the keys suggested the door had been locked for quite some time.

“As you’ve probably heard… strange things started happening in the village. Children suddenly went missing, and people took their own lives for no apparent reason during the night. It took a month before we realized…”

After finally undoing all four locks, she spoke with a sigh.

“…that all these disasters stemmed from a single sheet of paper.”

Creeeak—.

As the door opened, a musty smell wafted out. The floor was covered with gray dust, as if it’d been a long time since anyone had cleaned it. The thick curtains covering the windows blocked out all sunlight, leaving the interior near ruin rather than looking like a sacred church.

She sighed deeply and murmured,

“Just a few months ago, we were holding lively masses here…”

“Does no one come to this church anymore?”

“The bishop ordered it to be closed temporarily.”

I followed her inside, where she held a lantern. The church was engulfed in pitch-black darkness when the door behind us closed. It was so dark that I couldn’t see an inch in front of me. Fortunately, as she moved around lighting candles, the surroundings gradually became visible.

Finally, after lighting the candles around the altar, she pointed to the floor and spoke.

“We had to seal it away so it wouldn’t lure in anyone else.”

Following her finger, I looked down and saw a familiar drawing.

A being that leads the living to death with its sole remaining mouth, singing endlessly. Six pairs of wings covered in lustrous and immaculate white feathers—an indeed contradictory existence.

Phenex’s page lay alone in the center of the chapel.

“The church itself is acting as a seal for now, but we don’t know when it might cause trouble again.”

Was she trying to hide her fear? Her face remained calm, but her hand holding the lantern trembled slightly. Seeing that made me feel a sense of duty.

“Don’t worry. I’ll summon it, and he’ll exterminate—no, exorcise it.”

I pointed to myself and then to Simeon in turn, and her face brightened with a faint smile.

“It’s truly fortunate that you both are here. I’ll finish preparing for the ritual, so please rest for a moment.”

She placed the lantern on the floor and walked toward the altar. Her back, as she diligently prepared something, looked quite determined. As I mentally prepared myself, a low voice came from beside me.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay alone?”

Simeon had approached me without me noticing. Though his worried gaze seemed sincere, I didn’t appreciate it. After dragging me into this dangerous situation with the conditions he attached, now he was asking if I’d be okay. It just felt ridiculous.

“I’m overwhelmed by your concern.”

I replied curtly, and Simeon furrowed his brow as if troubled.

“I’m always concerned.”

“Then why would you have me do something so dangerous?”

“…It was the best choice to minimize the risk.”

He wasn’t wrong. As he said, it’s too risky for any other hunter to summon Phenex. In the worst case, they could die instead of just falling into a coma. Considering that, it made sense why Simeon insisted on bringing me along.

Well, either way, Phenex’s rampage ends today.

I rolled up my sleeve and checked my watch. There were still more than 71 hours left—plenty of time.

“Anyway, let’s do our best.”

I was about to head to the altar to help with the preparations when Simeon called me back.

“Mr. Hajae. If anything happens, tell me immediately.”

“Why?”

“I can’t see while I use my abilities, but I can still hear.”

I wasn’t really asking out of curiosity, but I could still feel his concern for me. But I’ve always disliked being too serious. I just wanted to laugh it off.

So I deliberately grinned and winked playfully.

“Don’t worry. If it gets dangerous, I’ll sneak away and leave you behind.”

Simeon’s expression, which had been extremely serious, finally relaxed slightly.

The ritual preparations seemed nearly complete as I looked back at the altar. The nun circled the page of Phenex, spreading holy water in a round formation and sprinkling something glittering over it. 

“What is that?”

“It only appears under the moonlight, but its golden shells that we crush and scatter to deceive the eyes.”

The floor, sprinkled with mother-of-pearl, shimmered like a lake under the moonlight. The sight was so beautiful that I momentarily forgot what to do and stared blankly. Then, she handed me a sharp dagger and spoke.

“Use this dagger to draw blood and drop it onto the page. Then, the invisible letters will appear.”

“What kind of letters?”

“I’ve heard… it’s the incantation you need to summon it.”

At the cost of my blood, I had to summon that grotesque being from the painting. Only then did the reality sink in.

Tightly gripping the dagger with tense nerves, she suddenly grabbed my hand.

“Whatever you do, you mustn’t step outside the line.”

I smiled to reassure her as she imparted her final words of caution.

“Don’t worry, just stay as far back as possible.”

After that, I entered the boundary drawn with holy water alone and knelt before the page. As I slightly raised my head, I saw Simeon standing in the middle of the chapel. The moment our eyes met, the trembling in my hand, which held the dagger, stopped.

No matter what happens, he’ll take care of it somehow.

To erase the vague fear with pain, I placed the blade against my left palm. I pressed down hard, and crimson blood oozed from my pale skin. 

Drip, drip—. 

I could clearly hear the sound of blood droplets falling onto the paper. It should have been enough, but fearing there wasn’t, I pressed the blade further and slashed my palm.

“Ugh…”

At that moment, crimson letters appeared on the faded paper. Swallowing a groan, I slowly read them.

“Phenex, who sings of eternal rest… seep into the moonlight and come to me.”

Suddenly, a cold wind blew from somewhere. The flickering candlelight wavered before my eyes. But that was all. Contrary to my worries, nothing happened. Puzzled, I looked around, and from afar, she cautiously asked,

“Are you okay?”

“Yes… I’m fine.”

The fact that I’m fine is what made it so strange. Could it be that the summoning failed?

As soon as I unconsciously stood up, a fierce gust of wind swept through. All the candles near the window were extinguished in the blink of an eye. The corners of the chapel had already been swallowed by darkness, leaving them completely invisible. Even Simeon’s figure remained only as a faint outline.

“Simeon?”

There was no answer when I called his name.

What is this? Could it be that Phenex took him?

Meanwhile, the only light that remained was around the altar where I stood. The candles flickered as if they were about to go out at any moment, but the cloth attached to the window didn’t move at all. Yes. This is no ordinary wind. Something unpermitted was approaching this place.

Just then, along with the eerie wind, I heard someone whispering.

“…Jae.”

I turned my body toward the direction of the sound. The nun was standing still, holding her rosary.

“What did you just say?”

I sharply asked, but she only shook her head in silence. Strange. I definitely heard a voice…

My heart began to pound unpleasantly. My breathing, now rough, sounded particularly loud. Blood continued to ooze from the unhealed wound, soaking the paper, which turned bright red. As the once pure image was entirely stained with red,

Whoosh—.

The last remaining candle went out. At that moment, I sensed a presence in the darkness. I gripped the dagger firmly and turned toward where I felt the presence. With my nerves on edge, I waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness.

But before that, something spoke to me first.

“Hajae.”

The moment I heard that all-too-familiar voice, my whole body froze.

“I missed you.”

It was my mother’s voice.

I heard it last when I was just seven years old. But even after ten years, I hadn’t forgotten it. She appeared in my dreams countless times in the same form. My mother always faced away from me; her only words were that she was leaving because she loved me—a statement as contradictory as it was.

But this time, it was different.

“Hajae. Don’t you miss your mom?”

It was a gentle voice I couldn’t recall vividly, no matter how hard I tried. Mom’s voice that I thought I’d never hear again.

“Mom misses you so much.”

My son. My Hajae…

I recalled my mother’s face, smiling brightly as she called me that. A deep dimple appeared only on the right side of her slender cheek, making her look so beautiful. My father said he fell in love with her mischievous smile at first sight. That’s why I wanted to be like my mother, pinching my cheek with my finger until the skin turned red and swollen.

Seeing my cheek swollen as if bitten by a mosquito, my mother laughed heartily and told me,

‘You don’t have to do that; you already look just like me, Hajae.’

So, I used to find solace in the mirror. I would ease my longing by looking at my mother’s eyes and my father’s lips. But now, there’s someone else in the mirror. There’s no trace of my parents left. Due to the aftereffects of the accident, I’ve become a complete stranger.

“Hajae.”

As I reminisced, my mother’s voice called out to me again. I hurriedly opened my mouth to answer but froze in place. My mother’s face, faintly visible in the darkness, was horribly twisted.

“Do you hate me?”

No, that’s impossible. I’d never thought that, but strangely, no words came out. My tightly closed lips felt dry from the discomfort, just like someone who’d had their hidden feelings exposed.

Did I… resent her? The mother I loved so dearly? The one who left me with a curse?

“Son.”

This time, my father’s voice came from the other side. The sound, mixed with a faint, ragged breath, brought back unpleasant memories. It was the same as when I last saw him after the accident when he was transferred to the ICU.

Maybe that’s why. His face, marred with pain, flashed before my eyes.

“I’m sorry. For leaving you alone.”

No.

“I gave you a burden too heavy to bear…”

That’s not what I wanted to hear.

A faint outline emerged as I focused on the direction of the voice. The sight of my father, barely kept alive by life-support machines, was too pitiful to bear. I didn’t want to remember it, so I turned my head away as if fleeing, only to hear the sound of mocking laughter echoing loudly.

“I envy you, who can’t die.”

Startled, I froze in place.

My father had never said a harsh word in his life. He always told me to grow up healthy, worried about me until his dying breath, and kept apologizing to me. And then… what did he say? As if dreaming with my eyes open, my mind grew more and more hazy.

Just then, a low voice pulled me out of the mire.

“Mr. Hajae?”

I quickly raised my head, and there was a faint image of Simeon. His face, with his eyes closed from using his powers, was furrowed with concern.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes… I’m fine…”

Before I could even finish speaking, the darkness engulfed me again. Simeon vanished, and someone else stood in his place. A man with his arms skinned red, face covered in blood, eyes consumed by agony, and broken legs who stood at an odd angle as though he were a living corpse.

“Hajae.”

I heard it.

“Your father is in so much pain.”

A voice heavy with suffering.

“My son, can you come here?”

They came from all directions, constantly tormenting me.

“It’s been so long; I want to hug you.”

The darkness, which had stayed at a distance, was now starting to close in on me. It stopped right at the boundary of the holy water and crept around me. The swaying shadows seemed to beckon me to step out.

I mustn’t go. It’s an illusion. Phenex is trying to trick me.

“Son.”

“Hajae.”

“It’s okay, come here.”

“It’s your father. Have you forgotten already?”

Covering my ears was useless. Their voices echoed in my head. In the end, I covered my mouth with my left hand and slashed my thigh with the dagger with all my strength.

Thunk—.

The pain that pierced my flesh quickly spread throughout my body. I clenched my teeth, enduring the scream that was about to burst out. The grinding sound of my teeth was vivid. As time passed, the pain didn’t become familiar; it only intensified.

Gradually, my waist bent, and I finally collapsed forward, kneeling. 

“Ugh.” 

I caught myself with my hands on the ground to avoid falling. 

Splash—.

The sound of entering shallow water. The ripples drawn by my fingers must’ve been in the pooling blood.

The pain cleared my mind a little, but only for a moment.

“Hajae.

I hear the voice again. I try not to listen, but it seeps in, gnawing away at my mind.

“Look over here.”

It’s a hallucination.

My mother left to save me, and my father bore her secret alone while raising me. I grew up with everything. I was loved; I had nothing to envy from anyone. So there’s no way my parents would say such things to me.

No way…

“Do you resent me?”

Another cruel question, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Haha… ha….”

Yes, I do resent you. After all, who could be happy about inheriting a curse like this?

As a child, I liked the curse because it felt like proof that my mother loved me. 

But as time passed, I began to resent it. I grew to hate both the undying body and the mother who passed this curse onto me.

The reason those cursed are unhappy isn’t because the day they must die inevitably draws closer. It’s because, as that day approaches, they become thoroughly isolated. After my mother passed and my father followed her, carrying her secret, I was left alone in this world. Meeting Sang somewhat alleviated my loneliness, but that was just a delusion. 

Once I felt warmth, I began to desire more. Just one more day, just two more days. The longer we stayed together, the heavier the inevitable separation became. Like someone dying of thirst who’d obtained a drop of water by sheer luck, it felt more like despair than hope. The more I stayed by Sang’s side, the more my thirst grew.

At one point, I thought I should just live as my heart desired. But in the end, I chose to run away. I didn’t want to pass on the loneliness, even if it meant causing pain. I’d hoped he would remember me as his unrealized first love rather than the source of a curse. And I planned to make an excuse just before I died, saying, “I did my best not to pass the curse onto you.”

…But now, even that plan is a mess.

“Hajae. I hate you.”

I hate you too, Mom. But I still love you.

“Why were you the only one to survive?”

I wonder. Why indeed… It would’ve been better if we’d died together.

When the curse consumed my mother, my father died in the accident. Even when I left Sang and got caught up in a bus accident, dragging my damaged body to the sea, I should’ve just plunged into the ocean and floated away like debris. My body temperature would’ve dropped, my body would’ve bloated, and my brain would’ve frozen completely. And I could’ve lived as a walking corpse until I decomposed after ten years.

What was I trying to live for? What was I planning to do by surviving, spending an enormous fortune on healing treatments, and barely holding on? Am I satisfied with the present that I’ve reached? No, there isn’t a single person I can rely on. I had no friends and avoided forming relationships, fearing the curse would spread.

For the same reason, I couldn’t even keep pets. So, I got used to spending my birthdays alone. Sometimes, I would go to the rooftop and stand blankly by the railing. But I always gave up and went back down. It wasn’t because I was afraid of jumping; it was because I feared being unable to die and having to live on.

Remarkably, I endured for seven years. But then, with less than a year left, I reunited with Sang. On top of that, a shackle was placed on me, making it impossible to run away. A tragic ending is inevitable. It might just end when I take my last breath, but Sang will be left to endure the pain of losing me twice.

And that’s not all. I will inevitably pass the curse onto him.

This curse brings deep loneliness and constant guilt as you look at the one you love.

“Hajae.”

I slowly lifted my head at the sound of my name being called.

The pain in my thigh no longer registered. The sharp scent of blood stung my nose, signaling severe blood loss, but I felt nothing. My mind was growing more distant. The tears I shed made it difficult to see clearly.

But it was rather comforting. The coldness started from my fingertips, and it felt like I was swimming in the ocean.

“Let’s run away together.”

A gentle voice wrapped around me. As if entranced, I pushed off the ground and stood up. With one leg too weak to support me, even standing still was difficult. But I stumbled forward regardless.

“Come here.”

Let’s go. To where my family is. To a home where I don’t have to think about anything.

Just as I reached into the darkness, a sudden bright light stabbed at my eyes; I stopped in my tracks and looked down at the ground to see the mother-of-pearl glimmering on the holy water. Nearby, I saw shoes stained with blood.

I was one step away from crossing the boundary made with holy water.

“…What was I thinking…?”

Suddenly regaining my senses, I stumbled backward. With my vision clearing, I raised my head to see something swaying in the darkness. It wasn’t my mother or my father.

“Hajae.”

“You are…”

What was reaching out toward me was a wing covered in pure white feathers. Its pale face was devoid of eyes and a nose, with only dried lips moving. Large enough to touch the ceiling, the giant figure took a form too familiar.

It was the one who sings of eternal rest.

“Phenex…!”

Until now, it’d been unable to cross the boundary of holy water and had enticed me to step out. Realizing that I’d caught on, it retreated into the darkness again. Then, with cruel cunning, it mimicked the voice I least wanted to hear.

“Hyung.”

The moment I heard the voice of a young boy, I violently shook my head.

“Why did you abandon me?”

I must not waver. No matter what’s in front of me.

As I slowly bent my knees, the wound tore open, sending a sharp pain through my thigh. But I knelt in place regardless. Then, dipping my fingers in the holy water, I wiped away the blood that covered my face. Were the drops running down my cheeks, blood, tears, or holy water? I could no longer tell.

Then, with trembling hands, I made the sign of the cross and recited a prayer.

“Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us….”

Even in the midst of it, I heard my mother’s voice. She was calling me, telling me to come, whispering that I should return to the embrace of the mother I missed so much, to my family and rest.

“Lead us not into temptation….”

It looks warm. The white wings that spread wide toward me seemed so comforting. If I leaned on them, all my worries would disappear. Then, I could enter eternal rest.

“…but deliver us from evil.”

My legs, as if moving independently, twitched as if about to stand. In the end, I gripped my wound and kept muttering the same phrase, as if trying to brainwash myself, as if praying for this pain to pass.

“From evil… Please, save me from… evil….”

Eyes closed, I kept murmuring like a person possessed.

How many times did I repeat those words? The multiple voices that had been tormenting my mind disappeared suddenly. As if the fog was slowly lifting, my senses returned, and I heard an urgent voice from afar.

Someone seemed to be calling me…

“Johan!”

Someone shook my shoulders roughly, and I opened my eyes wide. As my blurred vision cleared, a familiar face came into view. It was Simeon. His eyes were wide open, examining my pale face, and his expression was more distorted than mine.

“Are you okay?”

I slowly nodded and looked around. The church’s interior was bright as if someone had lit candles. The nun stood beside me, looking down at me with concern, but didn’t seem to be injured herself. The white wings that’d been tempting me nonstop were nowhere to be seen.

Had they disappeared? Or was this also a dream?

“Phenex…?”

As I uttered each syllable with dry lips, Simeon stared straight into my eyes and replied.

“It’s over. It’s safe now.”

“Ah, thank goodness….”

Before I could even finish my sentence, I collapsed on the spot.

“Johan!”

In the foggy haze, I thought I saw white feathers again.

****

On my 7th birthday, my mother brought home a dinosaur model set on her way back from work. It was the toy I had begged for the entire week. At the same time, my father made a fresh cream cake from scratch. He learned baking from his high school friend, even though he got teased for it. Honestly, it didn’t look very appetizing. But the crooked lettering inscribed in chocolate reading, ‘Happy birthday to our son’, moved me a little.

And so, the three of us finally sat around the table together. We wore party hats and sang Happy Birthday. I made a wish and was about to blow out the candles when my mother playfully said,

‘If you can’t blow out the candles in one go, your wish won’t come true.’

So I blew with all my might. But perhaps due to my chronic asthma, one candle remained lit. No matter what I did, it wouldn’t go out. I thought my wish wouldn’t come true and was on the verge of tears.

Seeing my tearful face, my mother panicked and quickly blew out the candle with a hand fan. My father even picked up the candleholder with his bare hands as if the melted wax wasn’t hot at all. Then, they both came to my side, desperately trying to cheer me up.

‘It’s okay. Mom will make your wish come true. Mom makes a lot of money, you know?’

‘No, but why did you say that just when he was about to blow out the candles?’

‘I didn’t know it would turn out like this… Anyway, don’t cry, son. Okay?’

‘Seeing my parents frantically trying to console their only son so he wouldn’t cry on his birthday was quite amusing. But I couldn’t bring myself to laugh.’

‘So, what was our son’s wish?’

Because I realized it was just a dream.

‘I want to die… without loving anyone.’

****

I slowly opened my eyes to the throbbing pain in my thigh.

“…Ugh…”

The spotless white ceiling was oddly familiar. It was the base on the remote island where the Apostles stayed. Maybe because I had been trapped here for a week, it felt strangely comfortable, almost like I had returned to my hometown.

For a while, I just stared blankly at the ceiling. My body felt as heavy as if it were soaked with water, making me unwilling to move even a finger. But my throat was so dry that I needed to ask for a glass of water. Even the bodyguard who never answered my questions would probably grant a request like that.

I tried to push myself up by pressing my hand against the bed, but it wouldn’t budge, as if something was holding it down. Struggling, I lifted my head to look down at my hand and stifled a silent scream.

“…What the…?”

Lying face down on the bed, holding my left hand, was Simeon. From his steady breathing, it seemed he had fallen asleep like that.

When did he start sitting on the floor next to my bed? Surely, he hadn’t been watching over me all night. The thought of being such a burden made me feel uneasy.

“Isn’t that uncomfortable…?”

He’d be better off lying on the bed and sleeping comfortably… just not on the same bed as me.

In any case, if I pulled my hand away now, it would surely wake him up. So, I left my hand in his grip and slowly turned my head. Seeing his peacefully sleeping face made me forget all about my thirst.

How long had it been since I last saw his sleeping face? Even though a lot of time had passed, it was astonishing how his sleeping face still looked the same as when he was a child. He used to fall asleep holding my hand back then just like this. No, to be specific, he said he couldn’t fall asleep unless he was holding on to me.

That habit started the day after I jumped into the sea. He said he couldn’t sleep, worried that I might go somewhere. And the first night he didn’t hold my hand was the night I ran away. I left only a single letter on his bedside table and disappeared.

Perhaps he’s still anxious now, afraid that someone who resembles Johan might go somewhere.

Every time I see you, the guilt inside me grows, and every time you see me, your wounds deepen. This relationship, which harms both of us, should end here. That would be the ideal choice, but reason had long since collapsed.

‘Hyung. Why did you abandon me?’

Why was it that his voice, as a child, scared me more than the voices of my mom or dad? I wouldn’t be here right now if Phenex had been mimicking him from the start. I would be wandering forever in a dream, like that hunter.

“Foolish…”

As I murmured quietly, Simeon frowned. Worried that he might be having a nightmare, I raised my right hand and gently smoothed out his wrinkled brow. Miraculously, his expression softened. I should’ve stopped there, but seeing him so unguarded gave me a strange sense of courage.

Just a little. A tiny bit should be okay.

My trembling fingertips brushed against his protruding brow bone. His soft hair tickled the back of my hand. They then lightly touched his closed eyelids. His long, black eyelashes were so beautiful. My hand slowly flowed downward, gently caressing his slender cheek. His fair skin contrasted sharply with his black hair, making it appear even whiter. He was beautiful. So much that he would be in my mind forever.

I came to my senses just as my index finger passed over his tightly closed lips. 

That should be enough, I thought, as I started to withdraw my hand. 

But suddenly, Simeon grabbed my retreating hand, bringing it back to his cheek, and muttered in a low voice,

“You can touch me. As much as you want.”

Was he not asleep? Startled, I quickly pulled my hand away as if it’d touched something hot.

“I-I thought you were having a nightmare.”

“I wasn’t asleep.”

“…What? Since when?”

“All along.”

Damn. I swallowed a curse and squeezed my eyes shut before opening them again. I sat up, no longer able to bear lying down, and Simeon carefully supported me. Leaning back against the headboard, I felt the pain in my thigh intensify.

“How does your body feel?”

“My hand’s fine. But my leg… it still hurts a bit.”

It was because I had ruthlessly stabbed it to avoid falling for Phenex’s deceit. I must’ve injured the muscle since I couldn’t move it how I wanted. There was no one to blame since I had stabbed myself. I shrugged as if it didn’t matter, and Simeon let out a small sigh.

“Wait a sec.”

Before I could even guess what he would do, Simeon naturally pulled the blanket off my body. Under the white shorts that reached my knees, the bandages wrapped tightly around my leg came into view. Thankfully, the bandages were clean, indicating that the bleeding had stopped. As I was thinking that my leg would quickly heal if I kept taking the medicine regularly, it happened.

“W-What…?”

He sat on the edge of the bed and slipped his hand under my knee, bending my leg. The hem of my shorts naturally rolled up, revealing my thigh. Even though it was bandaged, it felt like my bare skin was exposed. The embarrassment wasn’t just because we were both guys but because this was a bed, and the person beside me was him.

Simeon then gently massaged the back of my thigh with one hand. I’d always prided myself on the muscles I had built up from doing odd jobs, but it seemed they fit neatly in just one of his hands, bruising my ego a bit. Whether he noticed or not, Simeon carefully began kneading my thigh.

“Does it hurt?”

“…A little.”

His skillful hands worked to loosen my knotted muscles. But then, I realized his fingers were gradually digging deeper. They finally reached the inside of my thigh. Feeling another person’s touch on the most intimate part of my body, which no one had ever touched, made my shoulders tense up involuntarily.

He was just checking my condition, but I was so tense that even my toes curled up for some reason.

“T-This…”

“Even if it hurts, try to endure it a little. It’s better if I massage it like this.”

It’s not because it hurts. Well, it does hurt, but…!

The problem was that his hands, those hands I’d always found beautiful, and those long fingers of his, were touching my leg. The visual and tactile stimulation was too much. Distracted by the sensation of his hands stroking my leg, I could barely feel the pain anymore.

Then, I suddenly realized that this guy might be doing this on purpose. This was the same person who’d pretended to be asleep just to see my reaction. Just as I was about to tell him to stop fooling around, I was stunned into silence by his face.

“…What’s with that expression?”

He looked unusually gloomy.

“Are you worried about me?”

I spoke lightly, not wanting to get too serious, but Simeon replied firmly.

“Yes.”

He withdrew his hand from my thigh and spoke in a somber voice.

“I’ve never once regretted a decision I’ve made. I always choose the best possible outcome.”

The constant twitching of his brow seemed to reveal his inner turmoil.

“It was the same when I sent the guild members into the gate. I ignored each individual’s opinion and only selected those who’d be useful for the mission. Even when they occasionally returned injured, I considered it something they had to accept as hunters. Besides, they could be healed, and that was that.”

Simeon frowned as he stared at the wounded area.

“But seeing you like that, I felt regret for the first time.”

Simeon looked as though he was in pain, as if he were the one injured. It seemed he was feeling guilty about my injury.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s all over now, right?”

I tried to reassure him with a bright smile, but his expression only grew darker.

“It’s been four days.”

“…What?”

“You’ve been unconscious for four days, since you came out of the gate.”

What?

“Now I understand that even with medicine or abilities, you can’t wake someone who’s in a coma.”

The smile froze on my face.

I had no idea that much time had passed. I thought it had been at most half a day, maybe a full day if it had been long… It must’ve been due to the mental strain from Phenex gnawing away at my consciousness rather than from the excessive bleeding or injuries.

“I was afraid you’d never wake up again. I was terrified that I’d driven you to your death.”

A self-deprecating smile appeared on his lips.

“I’m sorry. It was my mistake.”

“You don’t have to go that far…”

“No. I’ve realized a lot of things because of this.”

His black eyes were calm and composed, more than ever. He looked like someone who was reviewing a lost chess game alone.

“I understand now that the reason none of the guild members have died so far isn’t because of my good leadership but because of their abilities. I’ve just been lucky until now.”

“…Hey.”

“So, every choice I’ve made has been both the best and the worst possible outcome.”

“Simeon.”

“Or maybe it wasn’t even the best.”

No matter how much I called out to him, it was useless. In the end, I grabbed his cheeks with both hands and forced him to look at me.

“Sang Heo.”

His eyes widened in surprise as I called him by his name.

“Just listen to me for a second.”

He blinked rapidly, looking utterly shocked.

“So…”

I’d just woken up, and my mind was a mess. On top of that, I wasn’t good with words, and I wasn’t great at comforting people either. But I knew what I wanted to say, so I took a deep breath and began.

“To be honest, I resented you a lot at first. I wondered why you gave me such a difficult task.”

Yes. If Simeon hadn’t taken me into the rift, I wouldn’t have had to go through such a dangerous ordeal. I contemplated running away several times when I met the nun and entered the cathedral.

But right before the summoning, Simeon said I was the best choice.

“But when you think about it, it had to be done. And just like you said, I was the least risky choice to do it.”

It was just that reasoning that convinced me. So, I held on with everything I had.

“Do you understand? It was the best choice. I just agreed to it. The other guild members knew that, too, which is why they’ve followed your decisions all this time. So, don’t blame yourself too much. It ended safely, didn’t it?”

It must’ve been tough leading this huge guild all by yourself. Even when a guild member got hurt, you acted composed on the outside, but inside, you probably blamed yourself just like you are now. To make the best decisions and to reduce the damage your team sustained, you must’ve calculated everything repeatedly before making your decisions.

I can’t fully understand how heavy the burden is for a guild leader. So, to help ease that burden just a little, I softly smiled and stroked his cheek.

“If you realized something from this incident, then all you need to do is change things from now on.”

Simeon just stared at my face without saying a word. How much time passed in that silence? Suddenly, Simeon’s head dropped forward. Soon, his shoulders started to tremble slightly.

Just when I thought he might be crying, a voice tinged with amusement reached my ears.

“You know, Mr. Hajae…”

As I took my hands away from his face, I saw the corners of his mouth curled up in a smile.

“I was planning to let you go if you resented me.”

He was smiling as if he found it all incredibly amusing.

“But instead of resentment, you’re comforting me.”

What… is this? I thought he was feeling dejected. Sure, I might have misunderstood and comforted him as I pleased, but I couldn’t shake off the feeling he’d played me. An indescribable discomfort made my brow furrow on its own.

“Were you testing me just now?”

“No. Everything I just said was sincere. It’s just… fascinating.”

Simeon, who’d been gazing sideways, lost in thought, soon spoke with a puzzled expression.

“You don’t like me, right?”

“…I don’t dislike you.”

“Really?”

“But I don’t like you either.”

As I spoke definitively, Simeon’s brows knit as if he were troubled.

“What should I do?”

Yet, his smile remained as bright as ever.

“After today, I find it even harder to give up on you, Mr. Hajae.”

You were going to let me go if I resented you? …Lies. You would’ve found a way to tie me down anyway. Or did you already know that I wouldn’t be able to resent you?

Suddenly, I recalled when we played chess in this room. Back then, Simeon had deliberately left a path open to the queen, watching how I would react. Even though I knew it was a trap, I couldn’t resist the temptation to seize the queen.

This is exactly like that. Simeon had intentionally taken a step back, and I stepped forward, softening at the sight of his self-reproach. Just as I lost the chess game, I now lost miserably in this tug-of-war with him.

Will I ever be able to win, even just once? Will the day ever come when I manage to get the better of him?

“Did you really plan on giving up?”

“Of course. I was really going to let you go… at least from this cage.”

“Would you believe that if you were me?”

When I shot back sharply, Simeon simply smiled in silence. What a twisted nature he has. Then, all of a sudden, Simeon reached into the table drawer and pulled something out, holding it out to me.

“Here, take this.”

The scroll, rolled up and tied with a red ribbon, resembled old parchment. When I untied and unrolled the ribbon, I found an image of the white beast, Phenex, drawn on the yellowed, faded paper. Below it, written in long cursive, was a passage about Phenex. I was certain.

“This… is real?”

“Yes. It’s the very A-class spirit item you stopped from rampaging.”

The fifth page torn from <Codex Gigas>.

Judging by the texture, similar to thick mulberry paper, and the ink smell of the writing, it was indeed genuine. And yet, there wasn’t a drop of blood on it. They say a creature doesn’t sustain damage when it becomes a relic. Despite being mere paper, it seemed unaffected by something like blood.

“But why are you giving this to me?”

“Because your contribution was significant.”

“Isn’t it something you need more than I do?”

“I thought so, too… but it turned out not to be what I was looking for.”

Not what he was looking for? Wasn’t he just collecting various creatures indiscriminately? Come to think of it, someone who once requested a bid from me said something like this. There’s a group that only collected cursed spirit items. If it turns out that group is the Apostles, there must be a special reason for it.

I was briefly lost in thought when Simeon continued speaking without giving me a chance to question him.

“Besides, it recognizes you as its owner. So whether you keep it or sell it, it’s up to you, Mr. Hajae.”

Wait a minute. An A-class spirit object is mine?

The D-class item <Firebird’s Breath> went for 150 million won at auction. If even a relic with multiple copies worldwide fetched that kind of value, the value of a one-of-a-kind A-class relic—no matter if it’s just one page—was beyond estimation.

“Even if you’re telling me to keep this…”

Now that I’ve accepted it so suddenly, I’m unsure what to do. If I sell it carelessly to just anyone, the country that owns <Codex Gigas> might come after me, and if I put it up for auction, I’ll be hounded by the rich. As regretful as it is, I concluded that the best thing to do would be just to hold onto it quietly.

While I was struggling over what to do with the spirit item, Simeon, looking relaxed, continued to speak freely.

“An apostle who’ll heal your leg is coming soon.”

“An apostle?”

I was curious about who it might be, but there was no guarantee they’d be friendly to me. My displeasure must’ve shown as Simeon slowly shook his head, reassuring me.

“Don’t worry. He likes people.”

He likes people… Is he introducing me to a guild member or a pet? Still, if what he said is true, then I’m a bit relieved. I’d rather not deal with a bodyguard who ignores me a hundred percent of the time or an apostle who casually feeds me sleeping pills with only ‘Oops’, to say in response.

“In the meantime, I’ll go get you something simple to eat.”

Simeon, who’d pulled the blanket up to my waist, suddenly stopped as if something had occurred to him.

“Oh, and…”

His calm, black eyes brushed past my face and settled on my neck.

“I promised to tell you the conditions for removing the collar, didn’t I?”

“Oh…!”

In all the chaos, I’d forgotten the most important thing. Finally, I could take off the collar. Of course, I still had no idea what the condition was, but in any case, getting out of Simeon’s grasp was only a matter of time. Surely, he set a condition I could fulfill.

As I held my breath, he deliberately leaned in slowly, drawing out the moment. Before I knew it, his face was right in front of mine. I could see my stiff expression reflected in his lake-like, serene eyes. Just as I swallowed dryly, his faintly red lips parted.

“When you no longer think about me.”

“…What?”

“That’s when <Crown of Atonement> will come off on its own.”

……What? For a moment, I doubted my ears. Even though he said it to me from this close, I thought I misheard. But judging by the smirk creeping up on Simeon’s lips, I had heard him correctly.

“W-What kind of condition is that?”

“Why? Isn’t it favorable to you?”

Simeon’s eyes carefully roamed over my startled face as he spoke.

“People you love or hate never disappear from your mind, no matter what you do, wherever you are…. When love and hate combine, it becomes an even stronger emotion.”

A brief melancholy glint passed through his pitch-black eyes before quickly fading away.

“On the other hand, it’s very easy to forget someone for whom you have no feelings at all.”

“So, what exactly are you trying to say?”

Feeling a growing sense of foreboding, I urged him to continue. Simeon smiled gently.

“You said you neither like nor dislike me, didn’t you?”

“Then it should come off in no time.”

His soft whisper pulled me down into the pit of despair.

Now I understood. Why Simeon always looked so satisfied whenever he saw my collar. By wearing this uncomfortable collar, I’d been proving that I was thinking about him, that I hadn’t forgotten him, not even for a moment. Whether that thought was love or hatred, I constantly affirmed that he occupied a place in my mind. And the collar would never come off.

“Why… why are you doing this to me?”

Madman. Formerly, he was like a younger sibling to me, but now, only that one word comes to mind.

“I understand that I resemble that person.”

“Just wait a little longer.”

“But you said they weren’t precious to you, that it was a misconception. So if that’s the case, why keep me by your side like this?”

“I’ll make something easy for you to eat.”

“Is it because that person left without a word, and you’re taking it out on me instead?”

“You don’t have an appetite, do you?”

There’s no getting through to him. He’s deliberately ignoring anything I say that’s related to Johan. Eventually, as Simeon turned to leave for the door, I called out to him.

“Hey!”

Luckily, he stopped walking. But he didn’t turn to face me. I tried to get up, but my leg wouldn’t move. The pain only intensified; there was no improvement. Frustrated, I exhaled harshly and glared at his back when a surprisingly calm voice reached me.

“Sang Heo.”

“I told you, I’m not going to call you that.”

Even now, he wants to correct how I address him?

I was so taken aback that I let out a hollow laugh, and just then, Simeon turned his head. The moment our eyes met, I forgot everything I wanted to say. The look in his eyes was the same as Sang’s when he returned to the cathedral after a day of joyful play.

“Just a moment ago, you were calling it easily enough.”

Leaving only a low chuckle behind, Simeon left the room.

He says it’s a misunderstanding. He says he’s not important and that he’s not looking for ‘that person.’ But then, why are you doing this? What are you trying to get from me…?

If you’re angry because ‘Johan’ left you, take it on me instead. If you do that, I’ll accept it humbly, thinking it’s my fault, my sin. But why are you being so kind to me? Why have you been by my side for four days, taking care of me, persistently wanting to be called by your name, and why are you even going to make me porridge yourself?

“…Don’t be kind to me.”

Don’t smile as if being with me is something you enjoy.

“Please… blame me….”

Just hate me instead. That would be so much easier.

It feels like I’ve fallen into a maze with no exit. This inexplicable affection feels even more difficult to bear than hatred. The more it grows, the more the thorns wrap around me, ensuring that I can never forget him, not even for a single moment.

Does he know…? Why I can’t reveal my true identity? Why I can’t confess this curse?

I know. If I confessed, ‘I tried to stay away from you because I didn’t want to pass on the curse,’

 I know exactly what answer I’d get.

I don’t care about the curse.

“…Please like me, despite that.”

No, maybe that’s what I want to say to him.

A dry laugh escaped me as soon as I voiced what I’d been thinking for so long. Forgetting that what I was holding was a spirit item, I clenched my fist tightly out of frustration. At that moment, as I exhaled deeply and bowed my head, I felt a sudden chill run through my body, and my eyes snapped open. The next moment, strange characters appeared before my eyes.

[‘Pioneer of the Unknown ()’ has been activated.]

It was a message I was all too familiar with but had long forgotten.

[Do you wish to view the awakening conditions for the spirit ‘The Lost Fifth Page of Codex Gigas’?]

It was my awakening ability.

I was so startled by the sudden appearance of the words that I dropped the relic. As soon as it slipped from my hand, the words vanished from sight.

“What… is this….?”

My mind was in chaos. Staring blankly at the relic while holding my forehead, I finally began to piece my thoughts together.

First, let’s summarize the conditions for my ability to activate.

First, there must be no one within a 5-meter radius. This was fulfilled when Simeon left the room.

Second, I must be in contact with the target. That’s why the words disappeared as soon as I dropped the relic.

So, meeting those conditions is what triggered my ability after such a long time. But could my unique ability also apply to relics? I thought my ability only allowed me to see the awakening conditions of unawakened individuals….

A shiver ran down my spine as I pondered over the moment I first awakened.

“…No.”

The description of my unique ability, ‘Pioneer of the Unknown,’ stated:

[You can view the conditions needed to manifest hidden abilities.]

Nowhere in that sentence is the word “person” or “unawakened.” It was just me who limited the target to people. Judging by the situation just now, my unique ability also applies to relics.

But then, why didn’t my ability trigger with <Firebird’s Breath> or <Crown of Atonement>?

“Because they don’t have hidden abilities…?”

That would make sense. So, what is <Codex Gigas>‘s hidden ability?

“Knock knock!”

Just as I’d cautiously reached out for the spirit item, there was a knock at the door. No, it was more like someone had spoken the words from the other side of the door. Judging by the high-pitched tone for a man, it wasn’t Simeon nor his bodyguard either. I didn’t know who it was, but the door swung open when I told them to come in.

“Hello!”

The person who greeted me with a cheerful smile looked like a high school boy.

He had bleached blonde hair and abundant piercings, making him appear quite striking. Not to mention, his trendy outfit looked like something you’d see in stylish, artsy Yeonnam-dong. He was entirely different from any Apostle I’d met before. His distinct features and bright smile made him look almost like an idol.

I stared blankly, wondering who this sudden guest was when I suddenly remembered what Simeon had mentioned.

“Are you the apostle who’s supposed to heal me?”

“Ah, yes! My name is Raphael. I’m the 9th Apostle and an A-rank Hunter.”

He looked young, but he was an A-rank Hunter. Moreover, awakened individuals with healing abilities are rare.

While I was silently admiring him, Raphael quickly approached the bed. He held out his hand for a handshake, and I took it, somewhat bewildered. With a bright smile, he eagerly shook my hand up and down, reminding me of a golden retriever.

“What about you, hyung?”

…Hyung? We hadn’t even known each other for a minute, and he already decided on an affectionate title.

“I’m Hajae Shin. Not a Hunter, just unemployed.”

“Then you’re Hajae-hyung.”

Simeon had said he liked people, and judging by how he treated me, it seemed true. His bright appearance and straightforward manner were oddly comforting rather than unsettling.

“What are the Chinese characters for your name?”

“Huh? Oh, it’s ‘Summer’ for ‘Ha’ and ‘Tree’ for Jae.’”

“A tree in summer… That seems to suit you, Hyung.”

After the long handshake ended, Raphael glanced around the room. He seemed to be looking for a place to sit, but no chair was in the room. Eventually, he casually brushed aside the page of Phenex spread out on the bed like it was just a scrap of paper and naturally sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Is this okay?” 

He asked with a cheerful smile, and I unconsciously nodded in agreement.

“Actually, I already knew your name.”

“From whom?”

“Yulia-noona.”

“…Yulia?”

“You don’t know her? Uh, she’s the one with brown wavy hair, always wearing dresses….”

Suddenly, the face of a certain woman came to mind, and I couldn’t help but exclaim.

“Oh!”

Isn’t she the Hunter who used her steel prosthetic leg to smash a monster? To be honest, I still get an uneasy feeling when I think of her face, smiling innocently after giving me sleeping pills. Because of that, even though I’ve seen her around the base, I haven’t felt comfortable enough to introduce myself.

“I have something I want to ask you.”

His eyes sparkled with curiosity, making me uneasy, and my hunch was right.

“Hyung, are you the 13th Apostle?”

“…What?”

The 13th Apostle? What kind of nonsense is that? As I frowned, Raphael looked at me bewildered, reading my reaction.

“Oh, aren’t you?”

“Where did you hear that nonsense?”

“There was an article about it.”

Raphael kindly took out his phone, opened an online news site, and showed it to me.

An article ranked first on the site, with a photo of me plastered right there. It was a picture of me half-leaning on Simeon, surrounded by reporters. Fortunately, the mask covered my face, and I wore a hoodie, but I could recognize myself, of course. The headline above it was written in bold letters.

<The Appearance of the 13th Apostle. Who is he?>

Who is he my foot. I’m not an Apostle. And what’s with the number 13… It’s too unsettling.

The number 13 has long symbolized misfortune. There’s a theory that it’s because the 13th disciple of Jesus was a traitor. But that’s just a rumor. Jesus never had 13 disciples in the first place. So, there’s no way I’ll ever become an Apostle.

“They might as well call me Judas.”

I thought I was saying that to myself, but it slipped out. Raphael chuckled, lowering his head slightly, his laughter shaking his shoulders. Seeing that, I wondered if I was too blunt and hastily tried to correct myself.

“Anyway, I’m not. We just happened to have the same goals, so I helped out this time.”

“Oh, that’s all? I was hoping for a new face to join.”

Raphael shrugged with disappointment and pulled something out of his pocket. It was a small leather pouch, barely big enough to hold some accessories. He loosened the string that tied the opening, revealing various minerals inside.

“What is that?”

“It’s my precious collection and the materials that will heal your leg, Hyung.”

“You’re going to heal me with minerals?”

No matter how closely I examined them, they just looked like ordinary minerals. Some had a mysterious glow, suggesting they could be crafted into expensive gemstones, but they didn’t seem like they could heal my leg. As I tilted my head in confusion, Raphael took out a tiny purple mineral and spoke as he held it up.

“I’ll heal you by using the power of the gemstones. It’s called ‘The White Craftsman,’ that’s my ability.”

Minerals. Power. Healing. The combination of those words only made me think of dubious pseudoscience.

“Is it like a germanium bracelet… something like that?”

“No, not that kind of pseudoscience!”

Perhaps he had been misunderstood before because Raphael passionately began explaining.

“Minerals are formed underground over a long time, influenced by temperature and pressure, right? Rare minerals, in particular, contain tremendous energy within their small bodies. This energy is further enhanced when an artisan meticulously crafts them.”

“Hmm…”

“Imagine if the energy contained within the mineral could be transferred to a person.”

“Uh…”

“So, by finding a mineral that resonates with the patient’s wavelength… well, something like that.”

Raphael must have noticed my focus waning because he gave up on explaining further, shaking his head slightly. Soon, he grabbed my hand and began placing and removing one gemstone after another on my palm.

“No… not this one either…”

His careful movements resembled an acupuncturist inserting needles. It seemed like he was trying to find a mineral that matched my wavelength, but I felt nothing. As I blankly blinked, I suddenly noticed something hanging from his waist.

“What’s that?”

Raphael quickly lifted his shirt to show me when I motioned with my eyes. It was a dagger.

“Oh! This is for self-defense. Healing is my only ability, so I need to carry something like this when I go into the Rift.”

The blade was safely sheathed, with the handle protruding in a way that made it easy to grip, much like a jackknife used in camping. Still, I wondered why someone with healing powers would carry a dagger.

“Do you go into the rift too, Raphael?”

“Of course. If everyone inside gets injured and can’t make it out in time, it would be a disaster.”

Raphael added that the blade was so sharp it could easily pierce even a monster’s hide.

I guess it’s a last resort if all the Hunters who can subdue monsters are down. Being a Hunter isn’t an easy job, even for the awakened. After all, I’m bedridden from just one trip into the rift.

“But, hyung.”

Raphael, still placing and removing gemstones from my hand, suddenly spoke.

“If you’re injured this badly, shouldn’t you inform your family? They must be worried.”

An innocent question that made me cringe. Not knowing what to say, I awkwardly smiled. 

“Um…” 

Raphael noticed my expression belatedly, realizing his mistake, and made an ‘oops’ face.

“Oh… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t mention it, so it’s no big deal.”

I lightly shook my head, telling him not to worry. Even so, Raphael tried to change the subject as if trying to lift the suddenly gloomy atmosphere.

“But I think your friends would still be worried.”

He probably didn’t intend to hit another sore spot.

“It’s embarrassing, but I don’t really have anyone I could call a friend.”

“What? Oh. Well, what about a girlfriend…?”

“Uh…”

“Don’t tell me a boyfriend…?”

“Hmm…”

As my silence stretched on, Raphael’s face grew paler. Seeing him freeze up with some unknown gemstone in hand, I started to feel bad. His gaze, half-lost, stared blankly at me until he suddenly stood up and bowed his head.

“I’m sorry for asking unnecessary questions…”

“No, it’s really fine. It’s only natural to be curious.”

I tried to laugh it off to ease the tension, but it didn’t help at all. In the end, I grabbed Raphael’s arm and gently sat him back down on the bed. He glanced up at me, looking dejected, like a student summoned to the teacher’s office.

As I found his pure-hearted demeanor quite endearing, Raphael cautiously spoke.

“Um… Honestly, I thought you and the Guild Leader were… in a special relationship.”

“What?”

A special relationship? In a way, that’s true. Our connection is far too complicated to explain simply. But it seemed like Raphael meant it in a romantic sense. His eyes carried a subtle expectation, hoping I’d say yes.

When I frowned deeply, Raphael anxiously observed my reaction.

“…Aren’t you?”

“Of course not. What gave you that idea?”

“Well…”

Raphael pulled out his phone again and began typing furiously.

“The Guild Leader only contacts me when it’s absolutely essential. And the messages always come with specific times, places, and details.”

A moment later, he showed me his message history with Simeon.

I wasn’t sure if this could even be considered a conversation.

<13th, 11:00 AM>

[Gangnam N Building. One person with midsection puncture wound.]

<28th, 9:00 PM>

[Changwon H Village. Two people with lacerations on right hand and severe blood loss.]

<31st, 1:00 PM>

[Incheon C Hotel. One person with cerebral hemorrhaging.]

Even for business correspondence, it was far too stiff. Not a single casual word was exchanged.

Was this really the Simeon I knew? The one who went out of his way to say things just to irritate me? The gap between my image of him and this was so vast that it felt like I was looking at a different person entirely.

“Even emergency alerts aren’t this curt…”

“Haha, but I received a full sentence recently for the first time.”

Raphael scrolled down to show me the most recent message.

[Raphael. Can you come as soon as possible? I have an urgent request.]

Compared to his earlier messages, this was indeed much softer. This was the Simeon I knew. But Raphael seemed incredibly touched by this, hugging his phone to his chest with a flushed face.

“Isn’t it amazing? He actually said ‘please’. The Guild Leader asked me for a favor…”

Raphael looked like he was reminiscing about an unforgettable memory, shaking his head in awe. While it was indeed different from before, his near-tearful reaction was hard to understand.

“Is that really something to be so shocked about? Work emails are usually formal, aren’t they?”

“You don’t understand. You have no idea how little the Guild Leader speaks.”

How little he speaks? That sly fox?

Raphael leaned in and whispered as if sharing a secret as I tilted my head in confusion.

“When you work together for a long time, you’d expect to share something at least once, right? Like family, friends, or even just a favorite food or movie.”

“Well… yeah.”

“But I’ve never had a single personal conversation with the Guild Leader. I know nothing about his family, not even his smallest preferences. I once asked if anything troubled him, but he just smiled and dodged the question.”

That reminded me of my initial encounters with Sang, like when we met at the orphanage. Back then, it took nearly a month for him to open up to me. But after a whole year of working together, he still hadn’t said a word to his colleagues? I could understand why Raphael looked so forlorn.

“Do you know what he said when I first joined the guild?”

Raphael’s face suddenly turned serious.

“Keep it brief. Ask for anything you need. You can lie, but don’t let me catch you.”

“…That’s harsh.”

“Right? I know he’s kind now, but back then, he really scared me.”

I learned from Simeon that it’s much scarier to be gently crushed than to be outright violent. I nodded in agreement, and Raphael, encouraged, continued.

“Anyway, the fact that someone who rarely contacted me for anything other than work suddenly changed…”

“That message from earlier?”

“Yes! And when I didn’t check the message right away because of other work, he even called me. I thought something serious had happened, but he just asked me to treat a civilian, not an apostle or a hunter. He said it didn’t matter what gem I used and that I should tell him if I needed anything. He even promised to do anything as long as the person could be fully healed.”

Raphael talked so excitedly, like a student hearing about his teacher’s first love.

“Doesn’t that make you think the Guild Leader has finally found someone special?”

Someone special. Does this abnormal relationship appear that way to others? The idea that Simeon cherishes me more than others didn’t make me happy; it made me feel like I was sinking deeper into a swamp.

“It’s not like that. He asked for your help because of certain circumstances.”

I don’t want to repeat the mistake I made seven years ago. So I need to leave before I become too happy. Before my feelings for him turn into pain, guilt, and self-reproach, I have to run away. But there’s a shackle around my neck. My plan to find out the condition to remove it has failed.

I need to find another way out quickly—a way to escape from this cozy cage.

As I felt cornered, a sigh escaped Raphael’s lips.

“…That’s a shame.”

A shame? What is?

“I was relieved, thinking that the Guild Leader finally had someone he could rely on…”

…No. I’m not that kind of a good person.

“I thought that if it were you, the Guild Leader might somehow finally open his heart.”

I’m only thinking about how to escape from here.

“Even if it’s not me, Raphael and the other guild members are still by his side.”

I thought this would comfort him, but Raphael looked even more troubled.

“What are you talking about? He doesn’t trust us.”

“That can’t be true.”

“It’s true. He trusts our abilities but as people… I’m not so sure.”

The smile that had brightened his face when we first started talking faded into something more bitter.

“The Guild Leader originally established The Apostles guild to collect spiritual beasts efficiently. I don’t know about other guilds, but in ours, we’re not really colleagues—we’re just pieces on a chessboard, moving according to the Guild Leader’s strategy.”

Suddenly, I recalled something Simeon had said. He once mentioned that he sends only the people necessary for the mission, excluding their personal opinions. The organization runs efficiently if the leader is capable, but the members inevitably feel like mere tools.

“Of course, we all, myself included, joined the guild because we agreed with that system. But sometimes, it feels lonely, like an invisible line separates us.”

“Ah…”

“But this time, when he asked for my help, I was really moved. I think you played a big role in this. The Guild Leader seems to be changing gradually because of you.”

He shouldn’t change. There’s no need for him to change. I should go my way, and he should go his. We should part ways. I want to disappear, like sand drenched by the tide that dries up without a trace.

“I’ll say it again, we’re not in that kind of relationship. He’s the one who put this collar on me because he doesn’t trust me.”

I lifted my chin slightly, showing Raphael the collar. He asked in a worried tone,

“That’s… <Crown of Atonement>, right?”

“Yes. I heard that if I reveal any information about The Apostles to the outside, it’ll tighten until it kills me.”

Raphael frowned as if he were wearing the collar himself. Then he quietly reached out, gently touching the vine-wrapped collar around my neck. Unlike when Simeon had touched it, Raphael’s touch was filled with pity.

“He might not have regretted putting it on at the time, but now… maybe he’s starting to.”

“Regret?”

Regret? No way. Every time he sees me wearing it, he smiles with satisfaction.

I scoffed at the idea, but Raphael spoke with certainty as if he knew Simeon’s mind.

“The Guild Leader was extremely worried about your injured leg. He even asked me for a favor he’s never asked for before.”

“That’s… true.”

“But if he thinks that the spirit item he placed on you could strangle you to death, wouldn’t that make him even more anxious? And if you did get hurt because of it, wouldn’t he feel guilty?”

I was dazed, as if someone had hit me in the back of the head.

‘But seeing you all beaten up, I regretted it for the first time.’

When I think about it carefully, the only time Simeon was truly flustered was when I got hurt. He was anxious when I got close to the sea cliff, afraid I might fall. The stern expression on his face and his trembling eyes back then were genuine.

Yet, he put <Crown of Atonement>, which could cause unbearable pain, on me without hesitation. Why? It turns out he put the collar on me when I was unconscious after drinking a sedative. He probably didn’t notice the similarities with Johan back then.

Yes. That’s why he set those conditions.

‘When you no longer think of me… that’s when <Crown of Atonement> will come off on its own.’

If I stop thinking about him, the risk of revealing information about The Apostles will decrease.

Of course, now it’s become a shackle that will never come off, contrary to his original intentions. Yet Simeon isn’t worried. He already knows that I would never betray The Apostles.

He also knows very well why I keep the secret—not out of fear of the collar’s pain, but simply to avoid causing him trouble. Ultimately, this game he designed this game from the start so that he would win.

Was there really no way for me to escape from him?

“Did you know?”

Just as I was sinking into despair, Raphael spoke as he gently stroked the reddened skin pressed by the collar.

“Once <Crown of Atonement> is put on, even the owner can’t remove it until the conditions are met.”

“Why?”

“It’s connected to its origin. It’s because of the queen’s fate who wore it.”

I vividly remember the origin of <Crown of Atonement>. The story of the king and queen in the legend eerily resembles my situation with Simeon.

“Her fate… She tried to escape from the king while wearing the crown and ended up dying, right?”

“Yes. But there was something more important that happened before that.”

Something important? Simeon hadn’t mentioned anything like that…

Raphael spoke in a low voice as I tilted my head in confusion.

“Before she died, the queen threatened the king.”

“Threatened… the king? Is that even possible?”

“She knew what the king feared the most.”

“And what was that?”

Disgrace? Being dethroned? After a moment of hesitation, Raphael spoke words that took me by surprise.

“Her own death.”

For a moment, it felt like my blood froze.

“She took herself hostage and threatened the king. She said if he didn’t remove it immediately, she would take her own life. Even if he didn’t remove it, she said it would never go how he wanted.”

Why hadn’t I thought of this until now?

“The king didn’t listen. He never imagined the queen would be willing to die.”

Why does Simeon keep me by his side? What feelings does he have for Johan? Is it affection, hatred, or something in between? These questions are useless in the face of escaping his grasp.

Have I overlooked the most important fact?

“Even after a few hundred years, the crown didn’t decay as it sat on her skeleton. Some believed it was because her resentment hadn’t disappeared, but I believe… it’s because the king still regrets it.”

Simeon is most afraid… of losing me.

That is the only truth. That is the only way to win this game with him.

“Thank you for telling me, Raphael.”

Yes. Let’s make a deal.

“You’ve helped me understand a lot.”

I’ll take myself hostage and escape this cage.

My opponent is Simeon. If I show even the slightest weakness, the opportunity will vanish instantly. So, I need to prepare for every possibility… even though calling this a safeguard might not be entirely accurate.

“Can I borrow your phone? I left mine at home.”

Raphael looked puzzled when I suddenly mentioned the phone.

“Why do you need a phone all of a sudden?”

“I want to take a closer look at the article I was in earlier.”

Pretending to be embarrassed, I forced an awkward smile, and Raphael quickly let his guard down. With an “Ah,” he unlocked his phone and handed it to me.

“But hyung, I thought you weren’t interested?”

“The more I think about it, the stranger it seems. I never imagined I’d be in an article…”

“Haha! I felt the same way at first.”

Raphael laughed heartily and returned to focusing on matching the wavelengths of the gemstones.

The article I’d seen earlier was still on the screen. Pretending to read it, I quickly scrolled down and found the email address of the article writer. Then, I logged into my account and sent him an email.

Luckily, Raphael was so focused on finding the right gemstone that he didn’t notice me typing on the keyboard. After erasing all traces of the email and logging out of my account, I returned the phone to its original screen and spoke casually.

“Lots of wild speculation.”

“Don’t pay too much attention to the comments.”

“I guess I shouldn’t. It’ll blow over soon enough anyway.”

Just as I returned the phone, there was a knock on the door, and Simeon entered. He’d said he would bring food, but since he came empty-handed, something must have come up. That’s actually better. I plan to leave once the treatment is done.

“Guild Leader!”

Raphael greeted him with a bright smile, and Simeon responded with a faint smile.

“How’s treatment going?”

“We were just about to start. I was just talking with Hajae-hyung.”

Was it just my imagination? As soon as Raphael finished speaking, the air seemed to turn cold. I quickly replayed the conversation in my head but couldn’t find anything wrong, yet Simeon’s expression subtly hardened.

Finally, he looked at me and muttered to himself as if in deep thought.

“Hajae… hyung?”

…Was that the problem?

It seemed like he was interrogating Raphael about what had happened, but I didn’t have anything to say, so I just shrugged lightly. His narrowed black eyes showed that he wasn’t pleased with the situation.

“You seem to have gotten quite close.”

“Hehe, that’s my specialty—making friends with strangers.”

Raphael seemed oblivious to the icy atmosphere, focusing on finding minerals while Simeon glared at him. Finally, Raphael found a greenish stone and placed it in my hand.

“This is it…!”

Raphael exclaimed. It didn’t look any different from the others to me, so I was just confused.

“Did you find it?”

“Yes! I had a feeling it would be an emerald, and I was right.”

His pure joy reminded me of a child who’d found the missing piece of a puzzle. Raphael pulled back the blanket and placed the emerald stone on my injured thigh. Then, he took out a long metal object from his pocket. It was thicker than a needle, more like a chisel used to split stones.

I didn’t know what he would do with it, so I just stared blankly. Raphael grinned.

“It might sting a little.”

It was the kind of thing a nurse might say just before giving an injection, and my leg tensed instinctively. Raphael raised the chisel high and struck the stone with all his might. The moment he did, an intense green light burst from the emerald. The light was so bright I had to close my eyes tightly.

Soon, I heard Raphael’s triumphant voice.

“Amazing, isn’t it?”

When I opened my eyes, the stone on my thigh was shattered. At the same time, the throbbing pain around the wound completely vanished. It was hard to believe, so I bent and straightened my leg several times. It moved as if I had already finished rehabilitation.

“So the stories about healing with gemstones were true…”

Do all A-rank awakened individuals have abilities like this? I couldn’t stop marveling as I touched the area around the wound, and Raphael smiled happily.

“Of course it’s true! Want to try walking?”

I took Raphael’s hand and slowly stood up. I was afraid of possible pain, so I hesitated to put my foot on the ground. However, there was no discomfort as I walked barefoot on the hard floor. The treatment was so perfect that I felt guilty for having doubted him even for a moment.

“This is incredible, Raphael. I’ve never seen an ability like this.”

“Haha, well, of course! Do you know who I am?”

His proud face wasn’t annoying; it was actually cute, so I felt like teasing him.

“Honestly, I was a bit skeptical when you kept putting stones in my hand.”

“Don’t even mention those Germanium bracelets!”

“Haha, I’m just kidding. Thank you so much.”

When I sincerely expressed my gratitude, Raphael seemed to get a little shy, smiling bashfully. I felt guilty about betraying such a kind person right after he helped me, but I had no choice.

“Since it’s come to this, how about we go for a walk?”

I gently tugged on the hand that was supporting me, and Raphael’s eyes widened.

“A walk?”

“I’ve been lying down for days, so my body feels stiff. I want to feel the sea breeze.”

“I’d love that!”

Raphael was as happy as a puppy hearing the word “walk.”

The problem is Simeon. He should agree to join us for the walk… When I looked back, Simeon stood a few steps behind, just watching us. His expression was as unreadable as ever.

“Why don’t you join us?”

After a moment of silence, Simeon slowly nodded.

“Alright. But don’t overdo it.”

“I’m perfectly fine, thanks to Raphael.”

It’s surprising. I thought you would say no.

I hurried out of the room with Raphael before Simeon noticed anything strange. The security guard guarding the door followed me, but it didn’t bother me. Unless he followed closely, he won’t be able to interfere with my plans.

As soon as I stepped outside, the scent of the sea filled the air. As I got closer to the cliff, the distant horizon where the sky and the sea met came into view. It was always a beautiful sight, no matter how many times I saw it. But I had no time to enjoy the view leisurely.

“Ah, now it finally feels like I’m home.”

I pretended to watch Raphael as he stretched while quietly assessing the situation.

The distance to the cliff was appropriate. Raphael was right beside me, Simeon was a few steps behind, and the bodyguard was even farther away. Even if they rushed over, reaching me would take a few seconds. All I needed now was to divert Raphael’s attention elsewhere…

“Oh, right. Guild Leader.”

Just then, Raphael turned to Simeon and spoke.

“What about inviting Hajae-hyung to join as an apostle?”

“…An apostle?”

“Yes! Although, we should ask him what he thinks first.”

Now was the time. No, this was the only time.

So, let’s end this. Right here.

I discreetly pick-pocketed the sword from Raphael’s waist as I slowly passed him. Then, with the sword hidden behind my back, I walked toward the cliff. Raphael’s voice called out when I could see the steep drop below.

“Hajae-hyung, what do you think?”

I turned slowly and saw the faces of all three men lined up. Each wore a different expression. Raphael was still clueless, the bodyguard indifferent; only Simeon noticed something was wrong as his face tensed. When he finally saw the sword in my hand, his eyes widened.

The moment Simeon tried to approach, I immediately raised the sword to my neck.

“Don’t move.”

Only then did Raphael notice the sword, and his face turned pale.

The blade pressed against my delicate skin. Raphael wasn’t exaggerating when he said it could cut through the toughest monster hide. It was so sharp that even the slight graze felt like it’d already pierced my skin. As a sharp pain creased my brow, Raphael, startled, stepped forward.

“…Hyung?”

“If you take even one more step, I’ll stab my carotid artery.”

Raphael flinched as I lifted the blade upright and stopped in his tracks. The amount of blood trickling from my neck seemed to worry the fragile Raphael, who couldn’t hide his anxiety. Then, Simeon’s voice, barely suppressing his emotions, broke the silence.

“What… are you doing?”

His dark eyes flashed with cold fury. The carefree demeanor he usually maintained was entirely gone, replaced by anger. Yet, instead of fear, I felt a strange sense of relief. Had I ever taught him that a person who loses their composure in a game is destined to lose?

“I don’t want to be toyed with by you anymore. So, promise me. Promise that you’ll never appear before me again… and nothing will happen.”

Simeon swallowed dryly and slowly reached out toward me.

“It’s dangerous, so put that down.”

“Why are you so worried about a body that doesn’t even die?”

“Mr. Hajae!”

“If you want to stop this, then promise me.”

His slightly parted lips twitched, but no words came out. Who would’ve guessed that someone who could lie without changing his expression would be so flustered? As I thought, I was his only Achilles’ heel, despite how perfect he seemed.

“…Hyung.”

When I turned toward the trembling voice, I saw Raphael’s face ashen with fear. I felt nothing but guilt toward him. I didn’t want to show him such a pathetic hostage act…

“I’m sorry, Raphael.”

“No, it’s okay. So, please…”

“But I have to end this relationship here.”

I turned my gaze back to Simeon. I frowned as if urging him to say something, and he cautiously stepped forward.

“Mr. Hajae. Let’s talk this through—”

I took a step back. I could feel the edge of the ground with my heel. Simeon realized too late and stopped, but I had no intention of stopping.

“I told you, didn’t I? If you come any closer, I’ll stab.”

With those words, I mercilessly stabbed the sword into my neck. Not content with just that, I slashed it horizontally, and blood spurted out like a fountain. The sight of Raphael covering his mouth in a scream and Simeon running toward me played out in slow motion, like a scene from a movie.

Just as Simeon’s fingertips were about to touch me, I threw myself off the cliff. I could see his despair-stricken face beyond the futile hand reaching out to grab the air. The sensation of cutting through the wind as I fell brought back distant memories.

Splash—!

All that filled my ears was the quiet white noise, as though I’d plugged my ears. Slowly, I opened my eyes and saw sunlight spreading white on the water’s surface. Bubbles flowed out of my nose and mouth, and below that, blood spread gradually. The bizarre sight was like red flowers blooming in the blue sea.

The cold sea drained the warmth from my body. My entire body gradually stiffened, and I could no longer feel the pain in my neck. Even without struggling to avoid floating to the surface, the sea naturally pulled me deeper. The sunlight slowly faded, and the sounds from the outside world gradually disappeared.

Finally, complete silence arrived. I fell into a tranquil stillness, wholly disconnected from the outside world.

I’d been sinking for a few seconds. Or perhaps a few minutes.

A sudden flash of light made me open my eyes to a bright blue sky. I’d hoped I was still in the sea, but the sky was indifferent. When I looked to the side, I saw Simeon soaking wet. His face was even paler than the frigid blue sea. He was saying something desperately, but I couldn’t hear it properly because of the ringing in my ears.

Next to him, I saw Raphael holding a broken gem and sighing. The lack of pain in my neck was probably thanks to him. I was indebted to him once again. The actions I took to feel lighter only made my heart heavier.

Then, my hearing returned. The voice I heard no longer tried to hide its anger.

“What the hell are you doing!”

I knew why Simeon was angry but didn’t want to understand.

“Why are you angry?”

“…What?”

“You were the one who ignored the warning not to come closer.”

My cold rebuke left him speechless. As I struggled to sit up, Simeon habitually reached out to help me. His concern for me, even in this situation, made my blood boil.

Smack—! 

I roughly slapped his hand away and sat up on my own, glaring at him.

“I’m not joking. I’ll keep doing this until you give up on me.”

“Mr. Hajae.”

“Even if you treat me, it’s useless. If you take away the sword, I’ll bite my tongue, and if you tie up my hands and feet, I’ll bash my head in.”

Maybe it was because I had left all the unnecessary thoughts in the sea. My mind was cool, and I had no hesitation in my actions.

“So just say it. That you’ll let me go.”

Simeon seemed to be contemplating something for a long time, and just as he seemed to decide, I cut him off.

“If you’re thinking of just saying something to get through this situation, forget it. I don’t trust you, so I’ve already taken precautions.”

Knowing how he always managed to smooth things over in difficult situations, I’d prepared in advance.

“I sent an email to a reporter. It contained all the information I know about The Apostles.”

“What do you mean by that…?”

“It’s a scheduled email, of course.”

Simeon, who had somehow managed to keep his composure, finally broke under the weight of my last move.

“When the email is sent at the time I set, <Crown of Atonement> will immediately tighten around my neck. The thorns will pierce my flesh and even go through muscle.”

Now that the mask I’d worn until the end was gone, his face was beyond pale, almost leaden.

“No matter how hard you try to cut it off, it’s useless. Even the collar owner won’t be able to remove it, and it will keep tightening. If I were to die like the queen, it’d stop quickly, but… you haven’t forgotten, have you? That I can’t die.”

His face, frozen in shock, was a sight I had never seen before. Even so, he still didn’t say he’d give up on me. Whether he was in a panic or still trying to outthink me in this game, I couldn’t tell. So, I unknowingly drove him further into a corner.

“If you think the email is a lie, should we wait together and see what happens?”

“…….”

“Simeon.”

Maybe he was stunned by my unexpected move. Even when I called his name, he didn’t react. Finally, I grabbed his collar and yanked him closer, forcing him to look me in the eye.

The face reflected in his wide, black eyes was utterly wretched. It was ghostly pale, smeared with dark red blood, seawater, and filthy sand. Like a living corpse, my face made me frown and burst into laughter.

“I’m not negotiating. I’m threatening you with my life.”

So why did he look as if he were about to cry?

For quite some time now, I have liked to see my face reflected in his eyes. Thanks to him, I learned the habit I unknowingly had of closing my right eye as if winking when playing pranks or twitching my nose slightly when smiling brightly.

Every moment, I was vividly alive in those black eyes. So, I always wanted to show only a happy and bright side. On that day when I disappeared from this world, I wanted to be remembered only with a smiling face.

But that desire had been in vain.

In the end, the last thing that will remain in his mind will be a face immersed in grief.

“Are you listening to me?”

When I let go of his collar, Simeon, who’d been lost in thought, finally opened his mouth.

“When is the scheduled time for the email?”

“I’m not sure. Was it tonight…?”

I deliberately trailed off. If this were the usual Simeon, he would’ve immediately realized it was a lie. But it seemed he didn’t have that luxury right now. As he turned his body toward the guard behind him, I couldn’t help but let out a bitter laugh.

Give up. Just one word would be enough… But you still don’t intend to let me go.

“Don’t try anything. No matter what you do, it’s useless.”

Only then did his dark eyes return to me. His lips, which had parted as if to say something, only released a trembling breath. Was the emotion mixed with his sigh because of betrayal or feelings of resentment? Whatever it was, I hoped he would hate me.

“The collar will start tightening when that email is sent as scheduled. Then, I’ll do anything crazy to escape the pain. Even someone like me, who can’t die, still has their survival instinct.”

I cornered him so he couldn’t think of anything other than giving up on me.

“My nails might get shredded trying to tear off the collar… Maybe they’ll even be bent back and ripped out. Meanwhile, the veins in my neck will all burst, pierced by the thorns, and soon the area will be soaked in blood… Just like now.”

As I roughly wiped the blood splattered on my cheek with the back of my hand, Simeon’s pupils trembled.

“There’s no need to bother with a transfusion. I won’t die anyway.”

I should have done this from the start. I should have cut things off decisively from the beginning.

“If by any chance you think of treating me, don’t bother. The crown’s power won’t stop, so it will only prolong my pain… Though maybe if the bones are exposed, it might look unsightly to you.”

There’s always a scar left after a breakup, so why did I hesitate so much?

“The information you’ve worked so hard to protect about the apostles will spread to the public in an instant, and in return, I’ll suffer eternal pain. As a result, I’ll remain by your side… Is that really what you want?”

Did you think about how to end this with even a little less pain?

“Will you wrap your hands around my barely attached bones and say good morning?”

There’s no such thing as a beautiful farewell in this world. Haven’t I painfully realized this after experiencing it time and time again? When Mom abandoned me, when Dad had his accident, and when I left the orphanage and the church behind, I vowed never to hold someone dear again after enduring the repeated wounds of parting.

“Now, choose.”

So, before the regret deepens any further, we need to end this relationship, which will only lead to a tragic ending.

“Will you watch my suffering until the end? Or… will you let me go?”

As I looked at his pale face, I sensed victory. But there wasn’t a hint of joy in it. What tightened around my heart was severe self-loathing.

I touched on his trauma to get the answer I wanted. I intentionally jumped into the sea in front of him. I reenacted the scene he feared most right before his eyes. And then, I clung to the death he feared most and threatened him.

I’m sick of myself, who doesn’t shy away from any means to achieve my goal. It feels like I’m becoming more and more of a monster.

No, maybe I’ve been a monster since the moment I gained an undying body.

Silence lingered for a while. He and I stared into each other’s eyes without saying a word. Only the sound of the rough waves crashing broke through the heavy quiet. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking as he shut his mouth tightly.

Just as I was about to press him again, his dry lips parted.

“…Mr. Hajae… I’ll do as you ask. So, delete the email… right away.”

His dry voice held fear and anxiety.

“Are you so afraid of the information about The Apostles leaking out?”

I responded calmly, testing him, and his face contorted into a pained expression.

“Do I… really seem like I’m afraid of just that?”

No, you seem more afraid of losing me. Even though I knew that, I asked. I wanted to remind you that you can never win against me. After all, isn’t it said that in human relationships, the one who loves more is the one who loses? So I’m really glad.

Love makes people foolish, and I’ll never love you in my life.

“I’ll cancel it once I get home safely.”

“…Okay.”

“But I’ll schedule the same email again every morning and cancel it that night. I’ll repeat it.”

“…Okay.”

Simeon nodded mechanically. His shoulders slumped weakly and caught my eye repeatedly. But now, even if my heart wavered, it would be useless. To firm my resolve, I clenched my trembling hands and spoke as if spitting out the words.

“Don’t ever appear in front of me again.”

Simeon closed his eyes and murmured.

“…I promise.”

The moment I heard those words, an overwhelming wave of emotion surged over me.

I don’t need to wonder why you tried to hold onto me. I don’t need to give meaning to the smiles you directed at me. I won’t be swayed by you anymore. Though the shackle remains around my neck, you won’t be able to capture the bird that’s flown far away.

Ah, the door to the cage is finally opening.

This is liberation. True freedom. The guilt will soon fade away and disappear.

So, then, why did it feel like this………?

……..

……………

“Mr. Hajae!”

The horizon was tilting. No, was it my body that was tilting? As my vision blurred, I collapsed onto the damp sand. I wanted to at least walk out proudly, but now I’m just a burden to him until the very end.

“Raphael. Quickly….”

I must apologize to Raphael, but my voice won’t even come out anymore.

Swoosh—.

I could hear the sound of the waves beyond my fading consciousness.

Swoosh—.

The relentless waves crash against the cliff. The shattered waves leave nothing behind but white foam and disappear without a trace. Isn’t it tragic that they rush in with all their might, knowing their fate is to simply crash against solid land? Maybe that’s why I’ve always felt a sense of kinship when I looked at the sea.

****

When I regained consciousness, I was in a car.

As expected, the person behind the wheel was the bodyguard. Just to be sure, I looked to my side, but fortunately, no one was there. The bodyguard, as usual, said nothing to me. He just quietly drove me home and then disappeared. I watched silently as the car headed toward the main street.

The shadow of the past that had followed me for years had finally vanished. I had finally returned to my normal life. But rather than feeling relieved, I felt a void, like a hole in my chest. What is this emptiness? I didn’t want to know, so I turned away from it in my mind. I canceled the scheduled email as well. From now on, I’ll live in the present, not the past.

“Pay this month’s rent… repair the air conditioner…”

As I climbed the stairs, going over the things I needed to do one by one, I quickly arrived in front of my apartment. Even though I’d only been away for a few days, flyers covered my front door. As I peeled them off one by one, I glanced at the watch on my wrist.

It was the watch Simeon had given me before we entered the rift. It seemed to have cracked after hitting something, but the watch itself was still working fine. I noticed the numbers displayed when I looked at the cracked glass.

[00:00:00]

I should have stopped it as soon as I left the gate, but I’d lost consciousness and forgot all about the timer. I briefly considered whether I should get it repaired and return it, but then I laughed.

“We won’t meet again anyway, so what’s the point?”

I immediately removed the watch and stuffed it into my coat pocket before entering the house.

Only the essential furniture was in the small studio apartment. Since I didn’t cook and only used the place to wash and sleep, there was no sign of anyone living there. Even though I’d tightly shut the windows, the house felt cold. Though I had lived here for years, it felt strangely unfamiliar.

“It feels like someone else’s home….”

Dad would be upset if he knew I was living like this… When that thought crossed my mind, I felt a bit more alive.

Maybe I should start cooking again, something I’d stopped doing for a while. Perhaps growing some plants might help change the bleak atmosphere. I should also finally clear out the boxes I hadn’t touched for fear of confronting old memories.

I rolled up my sleeves and started on the overdue housework. I did the laundry that had piled up, opened the windows wide, and cleaned the house. I even pushed the medicine bottles deliberately piled in the corner of the room to the front door to throw them away. It’s strange, but as I cleaned the house, my mind seemed to calm down, too.

Yes. I can do this. I’ll forget everything and start over.

I picked up the trash can with a light heart. It was overflowing with a chaotic mess, just like my mind. As I tipped it over to empty the trash into the bag, a small piece of paper fell to the floor. I bent down to pick it up, but my eyes caught the sentence written on the note.

[To my beloved.]

The moment I saw the familiar handwriting, I froze.

“……..Ah.”

The trembling that started at my fingertips quickly spread throughout my entire body. The emotions I’d bound tightly to keep from overflowing collapsed all at once. The poorly constructed dam crumbled with just the slightest breeze—a single letter. As soon as I sank to the floor, I burst into tears.