HCILH Ch. 85

Chapter 85: Cold War

When Sui Houyu returned to the dorm, Deng Yiheng and the others tried to console him. They told him not to be angry; Hou Mo had a sharp tongue but a good heart. This group of friends had to forgive Hou Mo’s mouth at least eight hundred times a day, so there was no need to take it too seriously.

Listening to Hou Mo talk required letting his words go in one ear and out the other without taking them to heart.

It was like getting angry at the wind for blowing—completely unnecessary.

By this point, Sui Houyu had mostly recovered. Aside from not being in the best mood, everything else was back to normal. He responded to Deng Yiheng’s attempts at persuasion with a simple “Mm.”

His attitude was polite, but it made continuing the conversation difficult.

With the discussion stalled, Deng Yiheng and the others stopped trying to talk and went back to what they were doing.

In truth, Sui Houyu was thinking about whether he should apologize when Hou Mo came back, and whether he should explain things to him.

He had genuinely just been engrossed in that set of questions and hadn’t thought that being late would be such a big deal, nor had he planned on quitting the team.

He hadn’t decided whether to focus solely on studying in his senior year; that would depend on the situation at the time. However, he was certain that he didn’t want to miss next year’s national competition. He was determined to participate.

After waiting for a long time without Hou Mo returning, Sui Houyu heard Deng Yiheng and the others talking while he was studying on the app.

Deng Yiheng, sounding anxious, asked Shen Junjing: “I heard that someone from Sang Xian’s family came to pick him up? Did Senior Brother go too?”

“I’m not sure. It looks like they left together—some of the guys playing basketball saw them.”

“No way… Is it serious?” Deng Yiheng said as he took out his phone to call Hou Mo, but no one answered. He put the phone down again. “No answer.”

“He’s probably busy trying to control Sang Xian.”

“What happened? Everything seemed fine when we left.”

Ran Shu, who was listening from the upper bunk, leaned down and asked: “What’s going on?”

Although Deng Yiheng was known for being a loudmouth, he knew what could and couldn’t be shared. This was one of those things better kept private, so he sighed and said: “It’s their personal matter; it’s not for us to talk about. If you get to know them better, you’ll find out eventually.”

The more they tried to be secretive, the more attention it drew.

Ran Shu muttered from the upper bunk, “S-So mysterious… Could it be self-harm again?”

Deng Yiheng flinched and glanced at Ran Shu.

Ran Shu was stunned by the look and blurted out, “f*ck,” realizing he might have guessed right.

Sui Houyu finally spoke up and asked: “They left campus? Are they coming back today?”

“It’s hard to say. We’ll have to see how things go; we don’t know the details, and we can’t get in touch with them.” Deng Yiheng said with a sigh.

Sui Houyu picked up his phone, intending to message Hou Mo to ask about the situation. But remembering that Hou Mo hadn’t answered Deng Yiheng’s call, he put his phone back down.

He was probably busy.

Lying alone on his bed, Sui Houyu put on headphones and studied through an app. By midnight, anxiety began to take over.

The bed had curtains, and above him hung a clumsy, silly bedbell. The confined space made him feel suffocated, like he couldn’t breathe.

With Hou Mo not around, along with their earlier argument, already worried him. Now, knowing Hou Mo was with Sang Xian only intensified that almost suffocating feeling.

He admitted he was concerned about the relationship between Sang Xian and Hou Mo.

Why did it seem like there were secrets between them? Why did they appear so close yet distant at the same time?

He couldn’t help but overthink it. Did Sang Xian ever like Hou Mo? Was Hou Mo a straight guy who had rejected him?

Had Sang Xian never given up, staying good to Hou Mo all this time, even having his family accept him? Would Sang Xian even resort to self-harm if Hou Mo ignored him?

Was that how it was?

Ah…

Hou Mo was straight.

He had reiterated this to Sui Houyu several times, and Sui Houyu had believed him. Thinking about it now, falling for Hou Mo seemed embarrassingly absurd.

He couldn’t even accept the idea of a relationship with another man—once harboring homophobic thoughts due to his stepfather. Yet, he had somehow ended up liking a guy after all.

Was Hou Mo his “white moonlight”?

He’d never had a concept of this before; he simply always had a good impression of the boy.

Then they met again. He went from being angry at Hou Mo’s dislike to gradually relying on him once more.

Unconsciously, uncontrollably, he had fallen into it again.

It was like stepping into a sweet, fragrant marsh. At first, he noticed nothing unusual, only the pleasant aroma that surrounded him as he sank into it.

By the time he realized it, he was already waist-deep, and the more he struggled, the deeper he sank.

Removing his headphones, he put down his phone and walked out of the dorm alone, pacing back and forth in the hallway in his slippers.

He was truly restless. The thought of an unrequited love gnawed at him, making him anxious. He even feared that his feelings might one day impact their relationship.

If that happened, would he become as awkward in Hou Mo’s eyes as Sang Xian?

Being liked by a guy—would Hou Mo find that disgusting?

A wave of sadness washed over him at the thought. He closed his eyes, trying to hold back the emotion that threatened to spill over.

What he really wanted was for someone to tell him: “Liking someone is something beyond control. It’s not your fault.”

Near morning, he returned to the dorm and tried to sleep. But as he laid there, he heard the others getting up, and he still hadn’t slept.

Mornings in their dorm were always bustling, with everyone hurrying to wash up and get dressed before morning exercises.

Sui Houyu sat on the edge of his bed, rubbing his chest. After a sleepless night, his heartbeat was irregular, and the familiar feeling of palpitations returned.

This sensation had been rare until he reencountered Hou Mo.

Ran Shu noticed and asked: “Didn’t sleep all night?”

“Mm.”

“Tsk.” Ran Shu looked worriedly at Sui Houyu and said, “Skip morning exercises. You haven’t slept, your heartbeat’s off, and running twenty laps could kill you. Plus, with your emotions running high and your restlessness, your chances of a relapse are higher. I’ll bring you breakfast later; try to get some sleep.”

Sui Houyu didn’t insist and stayed in the dorm.

It seemed Ran Shu didn’t go to morning exercises either; he came back directly with breakfast, encouraging Sui Houyu to eat before sleeping.

When Sui Houyu stood up with support from the bed, Ran Shu, holding a cup of soy milk, accidentally bumped into him.

“Hot, hot, hot!” Ran Shu jumped around, hurriedly taking off his jacket.

Sui Houyu also got splashed, but fortunately, the soy milk was only warm—like foot-soaking temperature—and not scalding, so neither was burned.

After a while, they didn’t think much of it, though they did have to change clothes.

After putting on his school uniform, Sui Houyu sat down to eat while Ran Shu cleaned up the soy milk spill on the floor.

When he was done, Ran Shu tossed the tissues into the trash and muttered: “What’s Sang Xian’s deal, anyway?”

“No idea.”

“He’s definitely not normal. He doesn’t look our age; he seems like he’s in his thirties, all gloomy and lifeless.”

“Mm.”

“Whatever, let’s eat. It’s none of my business anyway.”

*

Hou Mo arrived at school early, dropped off by the Sang family’s car at the school gate.

He didn’t go upstairs and waited directly on the field for the others to gather.

By the time running had started, Sui Houyu and Ran Shu still hadn’t shown up.

Hou Mo moved back to line up next to Deng Yiheng and asked: “Where’s Brother Yu and Ran Shu?”

Deng Yiheng looked around, a bit surprised: “No idea. I was slow washing my hair today, went straight downstairs after the washroom, didn’t see them. And you, didn’t answer calls or texts yesterday.”

Hou Mo sighed and explained: “I left in a hurry yesterday and forgot my phone in the locker room. I just picked it up, and the battery’s dead.”

“How’s Sang Xian?”

“What else? His family’s watching him. He’ll probably need a few days to recover; he’s already taken leave from Gege.”

“Tough on you.”

“I’m used to it.”

Hou Mo was still worried about Sui Houyu and went to check the cafeteria, but he didn’t see him there.

After a quick bite, he rushed back to the dorm to find Sui Houyu, but the room was empty.

He then hurried to the classroom, where he saw their seats were also vacant. He couldn’t help but wonder—where did they go?

Sitting down, he looked at the assignments on the board and started catching up on them.

As he wrote, he looked up to see Sui Houyu and Ran Shu enter the classroom, followed by Su Anyi, who was holding a cup of lemon Yakult.

Hou Mo’s heart sank the moment he saw the three of them.

They were all wearing their formal school uniforms, not the sportswear meant for athletes.

Are they really quitting training?

Did they really leave the team?

A group resignation?

As Sui Houyu walked to his seat, he glanced at Hou Mo, who immediately stood up to make way so Sui Houyu could get to his place.

Once Sui Houyu sat down, Hou Mo adjusted his posture to sit back down, but all the apologies he had rehearsed throughout the night instantly slipped from his mind.

Now, all that swirled in his chest was discomfort and regret. Why did he have to say those things? Now that they’ve left the team “due to strong persuasion,” how foolish was he?

Swallowing hard, Hou Mo realized that in his fit of anger, his throat had started to hurt.

He had once thought of himself as someone broad-minded, that could tolerate hundreds of rivers. 

But now, he finally realized how small his heart really was. With Sui Houyu there, his heart was full. Now that Sui Houyu was gone, it felt empty, the hollowness aching in his chest.

After a brief pause, he resumed writing his assignments, trying to suppress the unspeakable pain long enough to talk to Sui Houyu later.

With that, he buried himself in furious writing, attacking the problems like a man possessed, forcing himself to stay composed.

But the tightness in his chest made him so uneasy that even holding his pen became difficult.

Sui Houyu, meanwhile, wanted to clear things up with Hou Mo after sitting down.

Earlier, he and Ran Shu’s sportswear had been splashed with soy milk. Their dorm didn’t have a coin-operated washing machine, so they sent their clothes to Su Anyi’s place.

Su Anyi thought it was more efficient to wash everything together since they were all dark colors and could be done in one wash cycle, so the three of them arrived in their formal school uniforms.

Little did he know, this would cause a misunderstanding for Hou Mo.

He stole a glance at Hou Mo and found him looking serious, focusing on his assignments without so much as a glance his way. Sui Houyu assumed Hou Mo must still be angry.

He didn’t know how to console people, so he felt anxious in silence.

Even the two in the row ahead, Su Anyi and Ran Shu, kept turning back to glance at them, but Sui Houyu could only lie on his desk, resting without speaking.

He just didn’t know how to start.

The stalemate continued until it was time for training that afternoon.

Hou Mo arrived at the training grounds first and started warming up with the other team members. He glanced around, but Sui Houyu was absent—so it was true, they were quitting the team?

After Coach Wang assigned the training tasks, the team dispersed to start their individual routines.

Hou Mo’s doubles partner didn’t show up, so he trained solo for the entire afternoon. When practice ended, the others left the indoor training room for dinner, leaving Hou Mo alone to tidy up the area. He gathered the tennis balls into a basket and pushed it into the equipment room.

After organizing everything, he noticed a scale on the floor and walked over to squat in front of it.

He pressed his fingers on the scale, watching the numbers flicker without stabilizing since his pressure was inconsistent.

As he watched the changing numbers, the emotions he’d been holding back all day erupted. His lips trembled as he suddenly burst into tears, muttering to himself: “Why did you have to be so reckless with your words? They left the team, and now look at you, feeling stupid.”

After his mutterings, he quickly wiped away his tears, trying to force them back, but more spilled out.

“Liking someone and then driving them away with your own words—you’re undoubtedly the biggest fool ever!” He scolded the scale, which couldn’t respond.

“If it comes to it, you should cut off your own leg to chase after them. What was the point of being so harsh?!”

“Ugh, this is so frustrating…”

Just as he was sobbing away, someone suddenly opened the door to the equipment room and walked right up to him.

The person stopped in front of Hou Mo, leaned down to look at him earnestly. The arrival was so sudden that Hou Mo hadn’t even had time to wipe his tears.

Then, Sui Houyu’s voice came: “Can I record this?”

Omake:

Hou Mo: Hah, I’m just crying to entertain everyone!