HSF 66
by Sorai“So, until when are you going to live like that?”
“Um…. Until I clear the boss.”
He didn’t know when that would be, but he was planning to quit the game when that time came. He was going to break up with Hee-won, saying he was too busy to play games, and leave the guild. If he did that, he wouldn’t see Hee-won again. He felt troubled again and sighed deeply.
“What did you do so well to sigh like that? Just drink.”
At Min-jae’s words, he nodded and gulped down the alcohol. He emptied the bottles at a rapid pace, without any intention of Temperance. Empty bottles began to pile up on the table.
After drinking quite a bit, the two moved to Cheong-hyeon’s house and started drinking for the second round. While devouring the alcohol and snacks they had bought from the convenience store, Min-jae was the first to lie down and pass out.
Cheong-hyeon, with his eyes and cheeks flushed, kept fiddling with his phone. Should he read it, or not? Wouldn’t it be better to read it than to keep worrying like this? He remembered Hee-won’s voice from their last call. Hee-won at that time seemed like a different person from the Hee-won he knew. The voice pleading with a trembling voice was etched in his mind and wouldn’t be forgotten. He was afraid that any message from Hee-won would be read in that voice.
The emotion Cheong-hyeon had to be most wary of right now was pity. He kept feeling sorry for Hee-won. If his heart weakened with unnecessary pity, if he couldn’t refuse Hee-won’s offer to meet, the situation would only get worse. Cheong-hyeon, quite drunk, simply turned off his phone.
The time was already past 11 PM. Min-jae was completely passed out and snoring. Only the sound of Min-jae’s snores could be heard in the quiet studio apartment. Now that he had turned off his phone, he began to wonder if more messages had come or not.
No longer wanting to drink, Cheong-hyeon, who was just killing time leaning against the wall blankly, suddenly had a bad idea. His drunken body moved on its own. He sat down at his desk and turned on the computer. He thought that if he went into the game and checked if Hee-won was online, it would alleviate his curiosity a little. Cheong-hyeon quickly logged in and accessed the game. He thought he shouldn’t run into him like this, but his hands moved on their own.
[Guild] Ittorang has logged in.
He immediately checked if Hee-won was online, but he was not. He felt a sense of disappointment. He felt pathetic for doing this. He was about to log out when Ji-min, who was online, called out to Cheong-hyeon.
[Guild] Jimni: Ttorang Hyung!
[Guild] Jimni: Tell Seo Hee-won to check my messages ㅡㅡ
[Guild] Ittorang: I’m alone
He kept making typos, so it took longer than usual to type the chat.
[Guild] Jimni: Huh, you weren’t together?
[Guild] Jimni: He bragged that he was going somewhere with Hyung on his birthday
[Guild] Ittorang: Is today Hee-won’s birthday?
[Guild] Jimni: You didn’t know?
[Guild] Jimni: Did you fight again? The atmosphere was a bit strange… Just make up now ㅠ
Ji-min’s last words didn’t register. Cheong-hyeon, sitting blankly, found his phone, which had turned off and was rolling on the floor, and turned it on.
[Seo Hee-won: What time can you come today?]
The only message from Hee-won was that. He had told him that he would come to see him if his assignment finished early, but he had no intention of meeting Hee-won today. He was planning to send Hee-won a message tomorrow saying he was too busy with his assignment to go.
He kept rereading the insignificant message. He kept remembering Hee-won’s voice, saying he wanted to talk in person. Did he want to spend his birthday together? Was he still waiting? Cheong-hyeon unconsciously bit his lip. It was right not to go see Hee-won. As Min-jae said, he shouldn’t keep giving unnecessary hope when he wasn’t going to date him.
The time was past 11:30 PM. He wondered what Hee-won was doing with his birthday so close to ending. Was he still waiting for his call? Maybe he would wait for his call even after midnight.
[I don’t think I can go today]
Wouldn’t this much of a message be okay for him to endure the time of endless waiting? After hesitating, he added a word.
[I don’t think I can go today Happy birthday]
Even while he was hesitating whether to press the send button or not, time kept flowing. He scrolled up through the messages he had exchanged with Hee-won. At first, he sent messages several times a day, but the frequency gradually decreased, and at some point, Hee-won only sent one message a day. He wondered if Hee-won had been worn down as much as the frequency had been reduced. He couldn’t even imagine how much he had been watching his own behavior each time he reduced a message, how much resignation and giving up he had experienced in those few days. The one message that had arrived seemed overly pitiful.
The selfish Seohee and the pitiful Seohee were mixed up in his head. Cheong-hyeon, who was wavering, eventually made the worst choice. Cheong-hyeon deleted all the messages and put on the jacket he had casually thrown aside.
He entered the familiar password to the front door. Cheong-hyeon entered Hee-won’s house as naturally as he would enter his own. The house, with all the lights turned off, was as quiet as if no one was there. Without turning on the lights, he carefully headed to Hee-won’s room. He opened the door so as not to make any noise and found a long figure lying on the bed. Hee-won was asleep, clutching his phone in one hand. He was wearing his going-out clothes, as if he had planned to go somewhere with Cheong-hyeon.
He carefully sat down next to the sleeping Hee-won. Looking at his quietly sleeping figure, his stomach churned strangely again. He tried to estimate how many days it had been since he had seen Hee-won. It didn’t seem like it had been a week, but strangely, his face, which seemed like it had been a long time, was welcome. His face seemed a little thinner, as if he had lost some weight in the meantime. Cheong-hyeon forgot the purpose of coming here and just watched the sleeping Hee-won.
Not long after, Hee-won, feeling a presence, woke up. His long eyelashes fluttered and slowly lifted. His exposed pupils turned to Cheong-hyeon, who was sitting right in front of him. Hee-won, who hadn’t fully woken up, blinked a couple of times with a dazed face, then reached out and grabbed Cheong-hyeon’s sleeve. He gripped it so tightly that his knuckles turned white, and a smile spread across his eyes as he looked at Cheong-hyeon. Hee-won buried half of his face in the pillow and smiled brightly.
“Ah…. Really… you’re bad.”
Unlike his expression, his sunken voice blamed Cheong-hyeon with resentment. His words were slightly muffled because his face was still buried in the pillow. Cheong-hyeon slowly nodded. It seemed like Hee-won’s words were right.
“Is your assignment finished?”
“No.”
“You came even though it’s not all finished?”
He’s smiling so prettily. Still with his head immersed in alcohol, he shook his head without much thought while thinking about other things. He couldn’t finish an assignment that didn’t exist, so the answer was no. Hee-won’s eyes shook greatly at Cheong-hyeon at what he was thinking at those words. While he was just curiously looking at that face, he realized a beat late that he had made a mistake. The smile gradually disappeared from Hee-won’s face, who didn’t miss that change in expression. Hee-won, who had raised his upper body, suddenly pushed his face into his chest and took a deep breath.
“Did you drink?”
“Ah….”
How could someone who was supposed to be busy with an assignment be drinking? His shallow lie was exposed. It wasn’t a lie he really wanted to be believed, but it wasn’t a lie he intended to be caught like this either. While he couldn’t make excuses, Hee-won closed and opened his eyes for a long time.
“The assignment must have been really hard. Enough to make you drink….”
“…….”
“Still, since you came….”
Hee-won now grabbed Cheong-hyeon’s sleeves with both hands. Hee-won’s eyes looked flushed when seen up close. An uncontrollable curiosity popped out.
“Did you cry?”
Hee-won shook his head and buried his head back in the pillow. Then he pulled on Cheong-hyeon’s sleeve, which he was still holding tightly. When he didn’t resist, Hee-won got a little closer.
“I didn’t think you would come, why did you come?”
“Because I thought you would keep waiting.”
Even though he knew this was the wrong choice, he couldn’t stay still thinking about Hee-won, who would keep waiting. It was a ridiculous reason, but he didn’t regret it right now. Cheong-hyeon added another weak reason to defend himself.
“And… you said you wanted to talk in person.”
“…….”
“What did you want to talk about?”
At that question, Hee-won answered with a tired expression.
“Can you stop avoiding me?”
“…….”
“If you hate me liking Hyung that much, I won’t like you anymore. I’ll give up… Can you stop avoiding me?”
“…….”
“I just want to eat with Hyung, play games, and things like that.”
“…….”
“I won’t ask for anything else, can’t we just get along like before?”
He didn’t completely believe Hee-won’s words that he would give up. Even now, Hee-won was trying to snuggle closer into his arms. But if only Cheong-hyeon closed his eyes, wouldn’t they be able to go back to the way they were before?
“…Okay. Let’s do that.”
At those words, Hee-won slowly nodded. After a moment of silence, Cheong-hyeon conveyed the words he really wanted to say.
“Happy birthday.”
At just those words, Hee-won opened his eyes wide and smiled brightly.
“How did you know?”
“Ji-min told me.”
“There are times when he’s helpful….”
Hee-won smiled faintly, almost inaudibly.