LCL 65

Before meeting Lim Dae-han, vacation for me was a time to prepare for the next semester or next school year while also taking some rest.

Even though I attended supplementary classes and academies, it was more relaxed than during the semester. Occasionally my hyung would nag, “Don’t you have any plans to go to college?” but it was still okay.

After meeting Lim Dae-han, vacations weren’t actually that great. Strangely, Lim Dae-han got busier during breaks. In his second year of high school, he left his rented room and went back to his family home, saying he needed to help his parents. In his third year, he mostly stayed in his rented room but was swamped with tutoring sessions, so we didn’t spend much time together.

The first vacation after entering university was surprisingly different from middle and high school. It was amazing how the semester ended right after the final exams.

Lim Dae-han started his vacation 3 days earlier than me, but he didn’t go back to his family home. He said there was no need this time.

The day after vacation started, we flew to Hawaii. It was a bit early for our 2-year anniversary, but we decided to go in advance. We stayed for a week in a nice hotel overlooking Waikiki Beach, and rather than going on a tour, we spent time just relaxing at the hotel and beach, truly enjoying our “vacation.”

There, we held hands and kissed a lot. We could do anything typically considered couple-like behavior. All the pent-up time from school finally had an outlet.

The frustration from emotions and inexplicable uneasiness all disappeared as we lay on the hotel bed, legs intertwined, just the two of us.

Even though we were intensely dating, it didn’t greatly affect our grades since we’d been doing it since high school. We checked our grades at the airport on the day we returned from Hawaii.

Out of a 4.5 GPA, I got 3.8 and Lim Dae-han got 3.32. It was a bit disappointing not to break 4.0, but it couldn’t be helped with the relative grading scale. Still, we were really glad to get decent grades.

The week after returning from Hawaii, we went to the Military Manpower Administration for our physical examination for military service. I was classified as Grade 1, but Lim Dae-han got Grade 2. It was because of his weight. They only looked at weight relative to height, regardless of muscle mass. Given his height and how much he eats, there was  no way he could weigh little.

“…You’re heavy,” I mumbled to myself. Lim Dae-han, who was lying on top of me, tensed his body and pressed down harder. He rubbed his chin on my shoulder, trying to be cute in his own way, but I started to feel like my life was in danger.

“You’re heavy…”

“Don’t lie.”

“It’s true.”

As I slightly twisted my body, he seemed to dislike even that and gently bit my earlobe.

“Bear with it.”

“How can I bear it when you’re so heavy?”

“Try your best to endure.”

Annoyed, I pushed Lim Dae-han off with all my strength and climbed on top of him.

Now you try it.

“Am I heavy?”

But Lim Dae-han just raised an eyebrow. Then he answered in a very insincere voice, “You’re incredibly heavy.”

I know that I’m not that heavy. There’s a weight difference, isn’t that obvious?

Lim Dae-han put both hands on my waist. He smiled brazenly.

“Since you’re heavy, move more.”

“…”

“You have to punish me.”

Feeling like the mood could shift at any given moment, I lay flat on his body. I wanted to crush him, but it wasn’t easy.

Even though it was early July, it wasn’t hot because the air conditioner was on. Lim Dae-han, lying underneath, looked up at me with a satisfied expression.

“I think I like looking up at you like this too.”

“…You sound like an old man.”

“I’m twenty years old.”

“I know. You’re twenty, I’m twenty.”

I naturally lowered my body and squeezed into the space next to him. Lim Dae-han wrapped his arm around my waist and gave me a deep kiss on the forehead. I held his chin with both hands and kissed him several times.

He smiled, saying he liked it. All in all, it turned out to be a tender summer vacation.

* * *

When at home, Lim Dae-han and I were usually stuck together. Even when watching TV, we’d lean on each other on the sofa or use each other’s thighs as pillows.

Right now, Lim Dae-han was using my thigh as a pillow while fiddling with his phone. I gently touched his hair, which was tickling my skin. 

“Does long hair make you uncomfortable? Why do you cut it so often?”

He didn’t bother to answer me.

Glancing at Lim Dae-han’s messenger, I saw nearly 200 messages piled up.

“Why aren’t you checking your KakaoTalk?”

“It’s annoying.”

“Take a look.”

At my words, Lim Dae-han halfheartedly opened the messenger. There were tons of private chats and group chats.

Lim Dae-han clicked on the topmost message. It was from his friends since middle school. Some familiar names were among them.

Lee Deok: [Come out pleaseeeee, bro.]

Lee Deok: [How many times are you going to break promises? Seriously.]

Lee Deok: [I told the kids I was bringing you today please]

Park Yeo-seon: [Give us a break just this once.]

Lim Dae-han replied to the messages. He bluntly cursed, asking why they were making such a big fuss over this when he never said he’d go out. He didn’t usually swear much when I was around, and even when he did, it was just him acting playful. He especially didn’t swear at me.

But he didn’t hide it much from his friends. Lee Deok sent consecutive messages begging to meet, and Lim Dae-han filled his replies with curses.

As I skimmed the content from the corner of my eye, I snatched his phone out of his hands. Then I replied on his behalf.

[I’ll go. Tell me where and what time I should be there.]

“It’s vacation time right now. You should meet your friends too. Don’t just stick with me all day.”

I handed the phone back. Lim Dae-han looked at it with a blank expression, then put it away. Without making any move to get up, he just tilted his head back to meet my eyes.

“Lim Dae-han.”

“Mm?”

“You swear a lot when talking to your friends.”

“…I don’t know about that.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” 

Seeing how he trailed off at the end, it was clear he knew that too. I wrinkled my nose and made a sour expression. Only then did Lim Dae-han sit up. He grabbed my leg and put it on his thigh.

“Swear at me too.”

“What?”

He furrowed his brow and asked back. I wasn’t particularly fond of swearing, but I was curious about how Lim Dae-han would swear at me. If he was someone who didn’t know how to swear at all, that would be one thing, but wasn’t he originally a bit loose-tongued?

“I said, swear at me too. I won’t…you know, say anything about that kind of thing.”

As I pressed quite strongly, Lim Dae-han let out a hollow laugh. He firmly gripped my thigh, which he had fixed in place with his hand. He was holding back a sneer.

“I really won’t say anything. It won’t bother me at all.” 

I placed my hand on top of his hand resting on my thigh.

“Hurry. Try it on me too.”

“Are you a pervert? Why are you asking to be cursed at?”

“Just because. Why do you swear at your friends like that but not at me?”

“Geez…you’re jealous over something so trivial.”

“What jealousy?” 

I clenched my fist and hit his rock-hard thigh with a thud. Lim Dae-han smiled as if he enjoyed being hit. Then he wiggled his fingers. I brought my ear close to his mouth. Lim Dae-han put his lips to my earlobe and whispered.

“You, you’re exactly like your hyung.”

“…”

“So willful.”

“…”

“Like two peas in a pod.”

My mouth fell open in shock. This wasn’t the kind of swearing I wanted. Who’s exactly like who? Hearing something bordering on personal insult made my heart feel like it was plummeting to the bottom.

My brother, Ki Young-han, was the person with the worst and least likable personality among all the people I knew.

To say that I was exactly like him, even as a joke was going too far.

“…”

I pulled away from him and just blankly met his eyes. Lim Dae-han, either unable to read the mood of the room or unwilling to, kept on talking. He was chattering away like he’d found his  opportunity and was going to seize it.

“You always tattle to your hyung when you’re upset.”

“…I don’t do that.”

“When you pout with your lips sticking out and you’re grumbling, you think your hyung won’t ask?”

Again, this wasn’t what I wanted. I just wanted him to be playful and not in a way that would make me feel bad.

We’re lovers, and also best friends. I wanted to make him comfortable. To show that he doesn’t need to be careful with every single word he says to me.

But no matter how I looked at it, this was too much.

Anger slowly built up. As I silently stared at him with a stiff expression on my face, Lim Dae-han finally seemed to notice. I took a long breath without even flaring my nostrils. Lim Dae-han licked his lips and then pulled me close.

“I’m joking.”

What kind of joke was that?! After saying all that too!

“…”

I clenched my jaw tightly. Lim Dae-han smiled awkwardly and held out his palm.

“Let’s hold hands. Let’s make up.”

“…I don’t really want to hold hands right now.”

I hid my hand, clenching it into a fist.

“You’re upset again already.”

Lim Dae-han was making me out to be petty. Usually, I would have gone along with it to seem cool, but this time was different. He should know the difference between what can and can’t be said.

“Hold my hand. Okay?”

As I silently held my ground, Lim Dae-han urged me, wiggling his palm around. Soon, he forcibly took my hand, unfolding each finger one by one, and interlaced our fingers.

This was really a problem for me too. Honestly, it was a situation where I should have been a little upset, but when Lim Dae-han did something like this, my heart slowly softened. As we silently met eyes, I could see myself reflected in his not-so-large pupils.

With our fingers interlaced, Lim Dae-han pulled me toward him and rubbed his lips and nose bridge against my cheek and temple.

Why did all of this suddenly seem so cute?

“Do I really have the exact same personality as my hyung?”

“Of course not.”

“You like me more, right?”

“Yeah.”

I giggled. It felt like we were badmouthing my hyung who wasn’t even here, but considering all the nagging I had endured over the years, I had to understand. Lim Dae-han was on my side.

No matter what, he was on my side.

Suddenly, the fact that I had someone solely on my side hit me harder today. While I had to share my parents’ affection with my hyung, Lim Dae-han’s affection was directed entirely at me alone.

Noticing that my mood had improved, Lim Dae-han spread out our interlaced hands. I followed suit and spread my hand too. There was a big difference in hand size.

As I tried to hide my hand, he pressed our palms together. The difference was nearly two knuckles’ worth. I wanted to believe it couldn’t be helped.

With a 20 cm height difference, our hand sizes couldn’t be similar.

“Why are your hands so small?” Lim Dae-han needlessly criticized.

“Don’t you think you’re just too big?”

“Well, you’re small too.”

“…I don’t know about that.”

I finally hid my hand and got up to my feet. I stretched my body. Lounging around all day had made my body stiff. But still? I had no intention of going out.

Twisting my waist from side to side, I asked Lim Dae-han, “What time are you going out to meet your friends?”

“I’ll get ready and go soon.”

“What time will you be back?”

“Since we’re meeting early, I’ll come back early.”

“Will you be back before midnight?”

I turned completely toward Lim Dae-han and asked him this. There was mischief in his eyes.

“You’re too controlling, Ki Young-hyun. What’s with midnight? Even Mom and Dad aren’t like that.”

“What’s early about midnight? Come back by midnight.”

“Yes, yes~”

Lim Dae-han deliberately gave an answer that would irritate me. With an “oof,” he got up and grabbed my cheeks hard enough to press them in. Before I could even close my eyes, his lips were glued to mine stickily. Soon I was devoured. Save me, I thought to myself.

A night without Lim Dae-han. Left alone, I writhed in boredom. Since I didn’t often meet up with his friends, and because I knew that if I joined them, Lim Dae-han couldn’t properly enjoy himself because he would always be mindful of me, I didn’t say I’d tag along. As a result, I really had nothing to do.

I thought about calling Jung Ji-pil  to hang out, but he had his own plans with friends too.

Do I not have any friends…?

As I lounged on the living room sofa watching TV, I took out my phone. Fortunately, there were messages. In the group chat with close classmates, Park In-gong had suddenly started talking today of all days.

Park In-gong: [Hey guys, what are you up to?]

Park In-gong: [No contact since vacation started.]

Park In-gong: [Especially you, Ki Young-hyun lol]

Starting with Park In-gong’s message, the group chat became active. Even though it had only been about two weeks since vacation started, they had so much to talk about that if I looked away for just a moment, 100 or 200 messages would pile up.

I also joined the conversation and sent a photo. It was a picture taken in Hawaii with the beach in the background. I was smiling brightly with my swimming goggles pushed up to my forehead.

I was wearing shorts and a large T-shirt, so there wasn’t really anything problematic. Even though all the photos taken inside the hotel room were in a hidden folder, I checked each one carefully before sending it out. Even though it hadn’t been long since we returned from Hawaii, I already missed that time.

Questions poured in: Did you buy souvenirs? Who did you go with? How much did it cost? etc…After answering each one, I got tired and flopped back down. Amidst the still bustling group chat, Lim Dae-han suddenly popped his head in.

Lim Dae-han: [Just met the kids.]

Lim Dae-han: [I’ll be late getting in touch.]

After sending a reply saying “Okay”, I crossed one calf over the opposite knee. I looked up at the ceiling. I wiggled the toes of the foot resting on my knee. It felt like I hadn’t been doing anything since coming back from Hawaii.

Of course, it was nice to have some free time. Some say to enjoy the vacation fully before going to the military, while others told me that there’s no point in getting your act together after returning, whereas the majority advise preparing for the future. Honestly, I was just killing time like this because I didn’t know what I should be doing.