LCL 76

I deliberately raised the volume of my voice. At the same time, I tried to speak in a brighter tone.

“Were you surprised? Thought it might be some sort of strange content?”

– …Yeah.

“It’s not like that, really.”

– Ki Young-hyun.

“Yeah?”

– Should I come home and stay over today, after work? It’s your day off from your part-time job, right? I think we could spend time together in the evening.

The forced smile on my face cooled somewhat. Lim Dae-han probably said he’d come to see me because he was worried, but the moment I heard those words, I felt bad. I put down the hand I had been fidgeting with.

I flipped over the stuffed bear and lion-like doll that were propped up on the bed. They had become quite worn by now.

I knew that he must be busy and worried about his father’s condition. I understood that he had to help his mother in place of his father and take care of Dae-ryong, who was still feeling confused by his father’s absence.

Amidst all that, he even hid it from me, so I shouldn’t show any signs of being aware of what was going on. But, if he really wanted to hide it, shouldn’t he have not neglected me?

Exchanging only a few spaced-out messages a day, barely connecting for phone calls, and getting replies long after I sent messages wanting to see him, I never had a moment to feel at ease.

I couldn’t just show up unannounced because I had heard about his father from the babysitter aunt.

I tried to understand everything. I even thought that feeling hurt itself was something I should apologize for later.

But honestly, I didn’t like that he said he’d come see me just because of a few deleted messages.

Explain the situation to me. Then I’ll really understand everything. If not that, if you want to hide it, just pay a little more attention to me. I’m your boyfriend after all.

Maybe this was why he didn’t want to tell me. Because I lacked understanding. Because I was still young.

I shook my head even though I knew no one was watching me. I adjusted my grip on the phone.

“I’m going to work today anyway. I’ll be home late at night.”

– Don’t you only go on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?

“Yeah. But I went all weekend last week too.”

– Ah. Lim Dae-han let out a low sigh. Whether he had forgotten or hadn’t even thought to remember, I pretended not to hear that quiet exclamation. He quickly added, “I can just be at home, then. I’ll take you to the store. Just for a little while…”

“Lim Dae-han.”

There was no response.

“…I’m tired after work. Can’t we just meet on a day when I’m not working?”

– …

“And it’s more convenient for you to commute from home too.”

Even in the midst of this, I was feeling drowsy. Lim Dae-han probably had a good night’s sleep and woke up refreshed, but I hadn’t. If I closed my eyes, I felt like I could fall asleep right away.

It was now my time to sleep. Changing one’s lifestyle pattern was really difficult. I let out a short sigh.

“I think I need to sleep now. I’m too sleepy. Let’s meet on the weekend. I’ll clear all my part-time work this time. Don’t go to work either.”

– …Okay, let’s do that. Go to sleep quickly. You must be tired.

Although the call ended well, the uneasy feeling remained.

* * *

When we were eighteen, nineteen, twenty… we spent all those years together. Honestly, it couldn’t be called short. We built up a lot of memories during that time.

Compared to how long we had been dating, we didn’t fight often. In fact, the number of times we fought could be counted on one hand. I wasn’t the type to bark at every little thing like my brother, and Lim Dae-han hardly had anything that could be called a trigger. Even if there were hurt feelings, we tended to talk about it and quickly resolve it before things got out of hand.

This time, although we hadn’t explicitly fought, it was causing the biggest emotional turmoil in our dating history.

“Are you going to keep working with that dead expression on your face?”

“Pardon?”

“How many days has it been now? Is there really nothing wrong?”

The boss approached me as I stood apart, not mingling with the other part-timers. I shook my head.

“Nothing happened…I’m sorry if it seems that way.”

“It’s a good thing you’re so handsome. Your expression shows everything—you look depressed, tired, it’s all visible on your face. What’s wrong? I’m not scolding you, I’m really worried. You used to smile so brightly in the beginning.”

“…”

“Tell me. Think of me as a hyung. I’ll listen.”

If it were my actual hyung, he would have surely said, “Okay, got it. Close the door and get lost.”

I was lost in thought for a moment. Should I talk about it or not? Well…it wasn’t such a serious matter that it would be embarrassing, and it was just asking for an opinion, so maybe it was okay to talk about it.

“Um…”

“Yes?”

“I fought with my girlfriend. So we’re planning to meet on the weekend to make up. I guess that’s why I’ve been a bit down lately. Oh, and that’s why I don’t think I can come in for the weekend shift I was supposed to cover…”

“You can’t cover a shift because you’re making up with your girlfriend?”

Wait, didn’t he say he wasn’t scolding me and to think of him as a hyung? But as soon as I mentioned not being able to cover a shift, he gave me a sharp look. Maybe I should have made up a different excuse. I tensed up and shrunk back. The boss leaned on the table and asked again.

“Young-hyun, you’re saying you’ll skip work because you need to make up with your girlfriend?”

“…Yes.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll put Ji-woo on it. He doesn’t have a girlfriend and that kid doesn’t have emotions, so he’s always available.”

“What?”

Moon Ji-woo, who had been standing at a distance, strode over. He must have a supernatural ability to hear his name like that even though he was far away. The boss replied nonchalantly.

“Yes, you. Come in for the weekend shift.”

“Ah, why me…Young-hyun can’t come?”

“Stop talking back, you brat. So Young-hyun, why did the two of you fight? In these types of situations, the reason is usually more important than the fact that you fought. Who was at fault?”

The boss continued the conversation, putting his arm around Moon Ji-woo’s shoulders. Ah, the reason…that’s a bit difficult to talk about.

Moon Ji-woo, looking even more surprised than the boss, asked with wide eyes.

“Young-hyun, you fought?”

“…Uh, well, uh, I mean, I think we fought. But we’re still in contact.”

“Young-hyun, you must have caused trouble. Seeing how down you are.”

“What? No, it’s just…”

“Just?”

“Just…nothing.”

Noticing that I had no intention of explaining the reason, the boss clicked his tongue shortly. Tsk. Then he pulled Moon Ji-woo closer and said, “Since Young-hyun is feeling down, let’s have a late-night snack after work.”

Here we go again. He found a good excuse to party again. There was always a reason for team dinners, and the reason was usually found in the part-timers rather than in himself as the boss.

Today it was because I fought with my girlfriend. Last weekend it was because the kitchen hyung was insanely hungry, and during the week it was because Moon Ji-woo got hit on by a customer but rejected him without knowing her place, and so on. He always made up reasons for team dinners out of trivial things like this.

And since he always bought food and drinks, I honestly wondered if the boss could even make a living from the shop’s earnings.

I quickly waved my hands.

“It’s okay. I’m not in the mood to drink anyway, so I’ll just go home…”

“Even if you’re not in the mood, you should come and eat and drink. When you’re alone, you just dig yourself into a hole. It just makes you think too much. Everyone’s like that. Let’s live brightly, very brightly. Okay?”

The boss was jumping around excitedly at the thought of drinking. He dove between the part-timers to gather members for the team dinner. My eyes met with Moon Ji-woo’s at the same time. Moon Ji-woo, the only one in this bar who knew about my relationship, asked, “Why did you fight?”

I shook my head. I should have never brought up the girlfriend story in the first place.

***

It was 1 a.m. when we finished closing the store. Today, besides the noona who worked with us, it was me, the boss, the kitchen hyung, and Moon Ji-woo.

Moon Ji-woo said he rarely attended after-work gatherings, but strangely, whenever I was around, it was rare to see him miss one. Moon Ji-woo and I walked side by side.

“Why are you coming along?”

“I’m going because I want to. Do I need your permission? It’s not like you’re paying.”

“I thought you never came to these after-work gatherings.”

“Oh, so you’re saying I’m coming because of you? Don’t you think it’s embarrassing to assume everyone is interested in you?”

“Are you trying to pick a fight? If you’re not coming because of me, then bet all the money in your wallet.”

“…You’re being childish.”

“What?”

“What are you two whispering about?”

Moon Ji-woo and I were bickering quietly as we followed behind the group. The boss turned his head around and chided us. Moon Ji-woo turned his head with a prim expression on his face.

“It’s nothing.”

Tonight’s late-night snack was frozen pork belly. After finishing work every day, we ate and drank so much that I felt like I had memorized all the 24-hour bars and restaurants near the school. The boss was walking down the street singing a strange song, “Frozen pork~ Frozen pork~”

He was the oldest among us, but sometimes he acted like he was the youngest. They say you don’t age if you live carefreely, but I wanted to grow up quickly. At least, I wanted to act my age.

I took out my phone. There had been no contact from Lim Dae-han since around midnight. Should I tell him that work finished a while ago and that we were going to eat? Honestly, he probably didn’t care much.

He’d probably reply something like this: Drinking again? Eating again? Go home early. Let me know when you get home, etc…Only predictable words would come back.

Let’s just let it go for today. I put my phone in the messenger bag I was carrying along with my wallet. It was less likely to get lost and more comfortable than dangling in my hand. There was no one to contact at this hour anyway.

“Our shop is empty, but why are there so many people here?”

“It’s a Thursday.”

“Tsk. Should we just take a few days off? Customers don’t know how precious we are. We open every day without rest. Right?”

“Why should customers think we’re precious? That’s just your weird thinking, boss.”

“Don’t talk back, Moon Ji-woo.”

The kitchen hyung twisted open a soju bottle. It was ice-cold soju that looked chilling just looking at it.

“Let’s take four days off from tomorrow—Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. So I can go on vacation too.”

“Ah, seriously. Should we?”

The boss agreed as usual. His ears were flapping like butterfly wings. I cautiously opened my mouth out of concern.

“Is it okay to take off so suddenly?”

“What’s the big deal? Let’s just take a break, really. Young-hyun can’t come on the weekend anyway. And Ji-woo, you don’t want to cover shifts on the weekend, right?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Ah, let’s just take a break.”

“What about the business?”

“What business? We’re doing this to make a living, but at this rate, I’ll die first.”

I guessed this was why running your own business was good. You could rest whenever you wanted to. Of course, I wasn’t so sure what the aftermath would be like…

“Young-hyun, what do you think? Isn’t it better to take a break from Friday? You said you needed to make up with your girlfriend too, right?”

The spotlight suddenly turned to me. Under the glaring eyes of the kitchen hyung and Moon Ji-woo, I responded with a “Yes.” I felt embarrassed by the extra consonant in my response, but everyone glanced at the boss with expectant eyes.

The boss silently poured soju into a beer glass. I stared at the refreshing liquid gushing out from the bottle.

“Let’s drink and die today. I’m not going to work tomorrow.”

“Why do you always say you’re going to drink and die? Your limit is only two bottles.”

“That’s because I go to work every day. Let’s really drink properly today. Are you all okay with that? Call So-young, tell her I’ll buy her drinks. Post it in the group chat too. Tell everyone who’s available now to come.”

I started to wonder if anyone would come when called at 1 a.m…The kitchen hyung was fiddling with his phone. Glancing at the messages, I saw the hyungs and noonas who weren’t present responding to the kitchen hyung’s message in the group chat saying “We’re on vacation from tomorrow until Monday” with messages like “We’re on vacation? Suddenly?”, “What vacation?”, “Let’s go!” and so on. The kitchen hyung quickly left a message.

[You know how the boss is. This isn’t the first time.]

[Anyone who wants to drink, come to XX 24-hour Frozen Pork. The boss said he’ll pay from the first round to the fifth. Let’s try to empty the boss’s wallet.]

As always, the kitchen hyung left a somewhat cynical message. Two hyungs who lived nearby said they were out and would join us. The majority of us were definitely out and about at 1 a.m.

I downed my beer while observing the atmosphere. The boss’s words didn’t seem entirely wrong. As more people joined us and the mood became more and more lively, my gloomy feelings improved quite a bit.

The alcohol went down especially well today. It was the first time I understood why people gathered to drink when they were having a hard time.