MIM 108

The moment he realized something, his vision turned black while someone’s voice echoed in his ears like an auditory hallucination.

[“…destined to die.”]

When his vision cleared again, the garden lake spread out before him. Under the large tree near the lake was a blind spot not caught by CCTV, where Ma Jae-seung often spent time. That day, the brilliantly bright moon cast its light over the lake. That same moon was perfectly reflected in the eyes of the guy sitting next to him.

It was beautiful. Ma Jae-seung was completely captivated by the sparkling moon up close.

As they gazed at the moon over the great river, the guy explained the origin of Mangwol District’s name. His soft voice tickled the other man’s entire stomach. He kept glancing sideways, wanting to hold the hand that was fidgeting with stones. While endlessly caressing with his eyes the new scratch mark on the back of that hand, that firm hand suddenly reached out and grabbed Ma Jae-seung by the wrist.

Though the hand quickly withdrew after briefly adjusting his sleeve, the excitement pounding in his chest lingered for quite a while. Shin-woo smiled with crescent eyes and turned toward the lake. His ears were reddish as he threw stones into the water. While watching him, a strange flutter coiled in his stomach that made him feel like throwing up and being sick, but it was not entirely unpleasant. Wanting to say something, Ma Jae-seung gathered his courage, his face bright red.

[“Do you know…what it means when I say I’ll give you my surname?”]

[“Doesn’t it mean you want to adopt me as your son?”]

Shin-woo raised his handsome eyebrow while playing innocent. As Ma Jae-seung could only gape at the unexpected answer, the guy burst out laughing first. He always deflected topics like a snake. Since getting angry never worked, though annoyed, Ma Jae-seung explained calmly with some effort.

[“It means: Let’s get married.”]

The laughter that continued for a while after those words gradually subsided. With traces of mirth still on his face, Shin-woo squatted down beside him and picked up a stone. That day alone, he neither sneered, asking what nonsense that was, nor ignored it to change the subject. Since it was the first time mentioning marriage, Ma Jae-seung was extremely embarrassed. Though it might seem like thoughtless words, it was sincere feelings he had kept inside for a long time. He had even prepared words to persuade the other if rejected.

[“Go ahead then.”]

The answer was so brief it could be considered perfunctory. It felt even sadder how he handed over all decision-making power as if it didn’t matter to him at all.

[“What kind of answer is that? You don’t care either way?”]

When questioned firmly, Shin-woo looked a bit flustered before clearing his throat. While licking his lips and reviewing his words several times, he carefully spoke.

[“If you still want to when you become an adult.”]

[“…”]

[“If you feel the same after…a thousand nights.”]

Though it was somewhat displeasing how Shin-woo was treating him like a child, he was secretly happy about the positive answer. Getting married right after becoming an adult would allow legal independence. Then he could change Shin-woo’s name, remove the barcode tattoo, and live together proudly. It meant they wouldn’t have to secretly meet only after dark in blind spots like this. Ma Jae-seung grumbled while his lips twitched.

“A thousand nights, who’s going to count all that?”

[“I made it long so you wouldn’t count.”]

Afraid that he might count down day by day, Shin-woo added quietly while dusting off dirt from the stone. Then he jumped up and threw it into the lake. Ma Jae-seung, who stood up after him, also skipped stones. The moon reflected in the lake rippled greatly. So did Ma Jae-seung’s heart as he watched the other man.

Soon, a dark shadow fell over the lake’s ripples. Black ashes scattered to cover the bright moon, and acrid smoke rose. He couldn’t breathe. Sporadic screams and footsteps echoed dully. Both his mind and his vision flickered.

Then nothing remained.

“Jae-seung. Ma Jae-seung!”

Someone called through the silence. As he opened his eyes wide, struggling against the feeling of suffocation, he saw brown eyes right in front of him. Fear invaded his chaotic mind as he faced the man who smelled of blood. Flailing his arms in terror, he struck the man. When the slapping sound brought him to his senses, his palm was stinging.

The smell of blood faded. The man stepped back, touching his swollen cheek while looking at Ma Jae-seung. His eyes, which seemed to waver for a moment, gradually grew calm.

[“Young master.”]

After that, the man floated around like a shadow, maintaining a proper distance. He soothed Ma Jae-seung when he had nightmares and occasionally spoke when the silence grew too long. They ate ice cream together and did club activities. When he was nearby, anxiety subsided as if by magic. Ma Jae-seung lived in fear every day of how this unidentified man could affect him so much.

He wanted to shake up the endlessly indifferent man. He wanted to become someone who could move him too, someone who could influence him. He wanted to know him.

[“Disgusting.”]

Perhaps that’s why the toes that curled slightly under the blanket at his words remained long in his memory.

[“I like flowers. Watching them bloom and wither at the same time makes me feel calm, like it’s nature’s providence. No matter how much we struggle, they bloom when it’s time.”]

That somehow carefree smile, and the words[“And wither when it’s time.”] echoed in his mind.

A flower on the verge of crumbling, already dried and dead.

And the boy who looked at him with rippling eyes.

[“You’re destined to die without ever being loved.”]

The finally remembered words seeped into his parted lips. Ma Jae-seung gasped and lifted his head, panting. Shin-woo stood before him with the same face as back then. Calmly lifting the corners of his mouth, his round ears were red.

“Being together all day seems to make you think you’re the same kind of person as me.”

Still beautiful despite being covered in numerous new scars, exactly as he had loved him all along.

“I killed your father too.”

“…”

“I killed him because I wanted to kill him. It wasn’t me covering up for you.”

Ma Jae-seung watched silently. As long-forgotten emotions revived, he burned hot from head to toe. His heart pounded as memory fragments surfaced one by one—tapping on the room window, seeking sleep together on an uncomfortable bed, drawing each other’s faces, riding amusement park rides all night.

“Understand? You and I are fundamentally different people.”

As Ma Jae-seung took a step forward, Shin-woo provoked him further. When he raised his arm, Shin-woo frowned, perhaps expecting a punch. Yet his fingertips gently touched the face of the man who stood without avoiding him. Shin-woo looked up, feeling the slight trembling of the hand cradling his cheek.

It was fine even if he was the cruel murderer of his father. Ma Jae-seung cupped Shin-woo’s face with both hands and pulled him close. As soon as Shin-woo drew breath, pulled into his embrace, Ma Jae-seung pressed his lips against the parting mouth. He carefully caressed the back marked with burn scars while holding him tight in his arms.

When he pushed his tongue in, Shin-woo flinched and grabbed Ma Jae-seung’s chin. After roughly pulling his head away, he bit his lip, which had reddened from the kiss.

“What are you doing? Did you hear what I just said?”

Ma Jae-seung forcefully steadied his gradually quickening breath. As his breathing trembled and his heart pounded, heat rose not only to his skin but deep inside, making it increasingly difficult to maintain composure. Ma Jae-seung tightly held Shin-woo, who was trying to break free from his embrace.

“Ma Shin-woo.”

Then he asked, with a trembling voice.

“Do you know what it means when I say I’ll give you my surname?”

Shin-woo, who had been trying to remove Ma Jae-seung’s arms, froze. The hands gripping his forearms also went slack. Shin-woo blankly blinked, looking at Ma Jae-seung’s shoulders, then finally raised his face to look at him. Taking advantage of his weakened grip, Ma Jae-seung grabbed the back of Shin-woo’s neck and pulled him close. Their sweat-dampened hair tangled as their foreheads pressed together.

“For reference, it doesn’t mean I want to adopt you.”

Rough breathing underlay the end of the joke. It didn’t take long for Shin-woo to understand what those words meant. Ma Jae-seung confessed without further delay.

“I love you.”

Shin-woo’s eyebrows twitched together. Starting from there, the tension that had permeated his features collapsed in an instant. Ma Jae-seung pulled Shin-woo into his arms and roughly pressed their lips together.

They kissed frantically, pulling and pushing at each other. Forgetting even to breathe, Ma Jae-seung chased after Shin-woo’s lips. He could feel the hands he had only gazed at for so long in his memories now moving slowly around his waist.

“I love you.” When he whispered it once more between kisses, two hands rushed up his back and pulled him into a tight embrace.