MIM 122

He trailed off, carefully retracing his thoughts, but still, nothing came to mind. It seemed more likely to be a simpler reason. Perhaps he just wanted to put the irrelevant past behind him and focus on the present with the person he loved. Jae-seung lightly shook his head and supported Shin-woo, leading him toward the path through the trees.

“Aren’t you coming?”

Jae-seung glanced back, noticing Shin-woo wasn’t following, and was startled. Shin-woo stood frozen in place, his face paler than his hospital gown.

“Are you okay? This isn’t good. Let’s go inside.”

Jae-seung was alarmed and placed his hand on Shin-woo’s forehead to check for a fever. He wasn’t hot, but his expression was terrible. He was usually someone who never showed any sign of difficulty, no matter how hard things were, so seeing him suddenly turn pale with fright worried him greatly. It must be because they’d been taking walks for too long these past couple of days. What if he collapsed? If he lost his balance and hit his head on something hard, it would be a disaster. Jae-seung, having jumped to a conclusion, didn’t wait any longer. He scooped Shin-woo up in his arms and rushed back into the hospital.

“…Hey, hey. Put me down.”

“Shin-woo, just hold on! Help! Someone help! Please come and see a patient!”

“I said, put me down.”

Only after a handful of his neatly combed hair was grabbed did Jae-seung put Shin-woo down on the floor. While Shin-woo explained the situation to the information desk, who had been watching them, Jae-seung remained vigilant, ready to spring into action at any moment, never taking his eyes off him. Finally, Shin-woo finished talking and slowly turned to find the elevator. Jae-seung, who had been anxiously fussing over him, fearing he might collapse, quickly linked arms with him for support. He expected a punch to the ribs, but Shin-woo obediently walked along, held up by him.

Shin-woo didn’t say a word on the way back to the room. He usually felt better after getting some fresh air, but he had suddenly lost all his energy and looked pale, which was very worrying. Jae-seung thought he should contact the doctor and, as soon as they arrived at the room, laid Shin-woo on the bed and brushed the hair stuck to his forehead out of his face. The skin under his hand was slippery with cold sweat.

“Get some sleep.”

“No. I’ve slept a lot.”

“Then rest. I’ll lie you back on the bed.”

“I’m fine, just leave me be.”

He didn’t look fine at all, so saying he was fine wasn’t convincing. Had his surgery site gotten infected? He was usually so stoic that he wouldn’t even blink at any amount of pain. Jae-seung, fretting and watching Shin-woo, got up from his seat. First, he needed to call the doctor to check on him, and while waiting, he should buy something for him to eat. That was all he could think about.

“Want some fruit?”

“No.”

“Is there anything you want to watch? No, I’ll put on some relaxing music.”

“Stop fussing and come sit here.”

At Shin-woo’s gesture, Jae-seung stopped searching for a playlist and sat down close to the bed. After telling him to come over, he just stared silently for a long time. Other than his pale hands clenching and unclenching the sheets, his expression didn’t change at all.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

Jae-seung, his patience finally exhausted, pressed him. After all the facts had come to light, and after he had almost died for him, he couldn’t stand seeing him so pale and silent.

He couldn’t take it anymore. Jae-seung got up from the chair and sat on the edge of the bed. He slowly massaged the back of Shin-woo’s neck to ease the tension, then grabbed his hand tightly. He squeezed his fingers between his own, applying pressure until their clasped hands became damp.

Shin-woo’s Adam’s apple bobbed. The look in his eyes was now more resolute. His lips, which had been pale and dry, finally opened.

“The reason you lost your memory that day wasn’t because Ma Jin-seong died.”

Jae-seung, who had been considering the worst-case scenario while recalling when he learned about the Transformation drug, widened his eyes at the unexpected statement. Shin-woo, somewhat abruptly bringing up the events of that day, seemed tense.

“It’s because of me.”

Their joined palms were damp with sweat. Starting with that unexpected statement, Shin-woo began to recount everything that had happened that day. From Ma Jin-seong’s request to have Jae-seung killed, to how he subtly conveyed that fact to Joo-yeon, to how he exploited Joo-yeon’s request to have Ma Jin-seong murdered, the long, drawn-out story continued without end. Shin-woo’s face was expressionless as he listed only the facts, devoid of emotion.

“I killed Ma Jin-seong.”

Even as he calmly continued, Shin-woo occasionally swallowed and took a deep breath before deliberately exhaling slowly. The memories and emotions of that time were vividly resurfacing, tormenting him once again. It was a shocking story, but Jae-seung was more concerned about Shin-woo telling it than the content of the story itself. He had kept this long story to himself for years, unable to tell anyone. He wore a mask of composure, pretending to be brazen, but inside, he was festering and a mess.

“‘He who seeks revenge must constantly aggravate his own wounds.’”

Shin-woo murmured softly and looked up. His brown eyes, meeting his, were swirling with deep emotion.

“That day, I deliberately left a warning message on the wall of the burned-down mansion. I thought that after Ma Jin-seong died, the people who had invested in the research would try to get rid of you. There were many dangerous people, from high-ranking government officials to the chairmen of well-known companies, so I thought a more definite warning was necessary.”

“……”

“Then I killed all the people in the lab and set it on fire. I decided it was better to strike first than to sit back and wait for the investors to take care of it. If they had acted first, you wouldn’t have been safe either.”

Ma Jin-seong’s secret laboratory. The incident where more than twenty bodies were found with damaged carotid arteries. Shin-woo had covered himself in the blood of countless people, solely for Jae-seung’s safety. He had given his entire life for him, and instead of regretting it, he had thrown himself into danger without any hesitation, even in moments of life and death.

Jae-seung just blinked blankly. Shin-woo’s story of half a lifetime, and he was at the center of that brutal life. Shin-woo’s world revolved solely around Ma Jae-seung. Overwhelmed by emotions he couldn’t fathom, Jae-seung was speechless. Shin-woo, looking at him, silently turned his head away. The barcode tattoo on his red neck suddenly caught his eye.

A mark that Ma Jin-seong had branded on things he considered his property. And even himself, who had rashly spoken of fate. It felt like it was all his fault that Shin-woo had lived such a wretched life, and he couldn’t bring himself to speak. As the silence grew longer, cracks gradually appeared on Shin-woo’s impassive face. He clenched his teeth so hard that his jaw tensed up.

“Ma Jin-seong abused you to the point of death on a regular basis. The fact that the guy who put poison in your meals tried to kill you wouldn’t have been that big of a shock. You might have even thought, ‘It’s finally here.’”

Shin-woo paused for a moment, took a long breath, and then spoke again.

“You were crying that day. Silently. In a situation where I could have slit your throat at any moment, you didn’t move, you just pretended to sleep and shed tears. It was as if you were willing to die if I killed you, as if you had no regrets left in your life.”

His voice choked up, and the end of his sentence trailed off. His brown eyes, staring into space, were wandering in the past. He couldn’t remember the exact moment Shin-woo was talking about, but he could at least guess how he must have felt at the time. Not the betrayal he had felt, but the terrible pain that Shin-woo had had to endure.

“You lost consciousness and collapsed, and the last thing you saw was me. You couldn’t accept the fact that I, the only person you trusted, had betrayed you, and you couldn’t bear the pain, so you decided to erase the painful memory.”

Shin-woo finished speaking and looked up. His red, bloodshot eyes were fixed on Jae-seung. Trembling breaths escaped from his slightly parted lips.

“Even now, after regaining all your memories, that day is still a mystery to you.”