NFS 2.10

There was enough menacing energy in Seo Ahn-jae’s voice to stop Joo Seung-ha’s words. Seo Ahn-jae pushed back his dripping bangs with his hand and exerted more effort in pulling Joo Seung-ha’s arm.

“Get in. I can’t stand seeing you here for even one more second.”

“…”

“Right now, I want to tear apart and kill every bastard in there who saw you. If you don’t want to see me lose it, get in, Joo Seung-ha.”

It was a strange threat that Joo Seung-ha couldn’t understand. It was as incomprehensible as Seo Ahn-jae giving 700 million won for his own sake. Joo Seung-ha shifted his confused gaze toward the open door.

“Was it you who paid the money to save my mother?”

For some reason, he couldn’t look directly at Seo Ahn-jae. For a while, he only felt the sound of falling rain and the rainwater continuously soaking his body as if he were standing under a shower. Then came the answer.

“Yes.”

700 million. So it was him after all. At this confirmation from his lips, Joo Seung-ha’s heart sank like a stone to the pit of his stomach. He looked up at Seo Ahn-jae, not even thinking to wipe away the rain running down his face.

“So it really was you.”

“Get in. Quickly.”

At his words, which must have been repeated several times, the shocked Joo Seung-ha finally moved. The door slammed shut as soon as he got in, and Seo Ahn-jae quickly got into the driver’s seat. Though they were finally alone and out of the rain, Joo Seung-ha couldn’t find the words to speak.

Why did he pay 700 million won? Was this revenge for the past too? No, for revenge, to mess with him—700 million made no sense. Then why? Joo Seung-ha leaned his head back against the seat with his eyes closed. Instead of the big, frightening questions, something lighter slipped past his lips.

“Then why didn’t you answer my calls or contact me?”

When there was no response, he turned his head. His eyes met Seo Ahn-jae’s. Though his hair and face were soaked with rain, it only made his handsome features more striking. Seo Ahn-jae’s lips twisted as he opened the console box and threw a smartphone onto Joo Seung-ha’s lap. Joo Seung-ha flinched as he picked it up, noticing the shattered screen. So? As Joo Seung-ha wondered silently, Seo Ahn-jae’s cold words came, “I left the country Monday and just got back to Korea today. I ran here right after getting a new phone at the airport. Happy now?”

Haa, Joo Seung-ha pressed his forehead with his hand, swallowing a sigh. Fuck, he should have waited a few days like Seo Ahn-jae had said. Realizing how foolish he’d been made him feel embarrassed and pathetic. Then came the rumble of the engine starting.

“Put on your seatbelt.”

“Don’t start driving. I’ll just say what I need to say and get out.”

Joo Seung-ha announced firmly, still trying to maintain strength in his voice. Seo Ahn-jae ignored him and moved to change gears.

“You needed that money anyway.”

“No. Don’t you remember what I said? I want my mother to be independent. You didn’t need to step in…”

“You’re saying I shouldn’t have stepped in when your mother ended up beaten like that?”

Joo Seung-ha pressed his lips together, remembering how his mother had looked when she came to find him, but then steeled himself and spoke.

“I know she was beaten and hurt. I know this sounds cruel coming from her child, but if we don’t stop her now, my mother will repeat this kind of cycle forever.”

“You shouldn’t describe your mother’s condition as just being hurt.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your mother lost sight in one eye.”

“…”

“You didn’t know?”

Seo Ahn-jae asked, but this information wasn’t registering in Joo Seung-ha’s mind. His shocked eyes wavered emptily. Seo Ahn-jae quietly observed him before reaching out to brush back his wet hair, but Joo Seung-ha didn’t seem to register this action either. Even as Seo Ahn-jae reached over to fasten his seatbelt and the car started moving, Joo Seung-ha remained like a broken TV showing only a blue screen, unable to see or hear anything. Only after the car had been driving for a while did Joo Seung-ha mumble,”I didn’t know…She was wearing large sunglasses…About her eye being hurt…”

His words, coming out like whispers, stopped short due to shock. Joo Seung-ha’s mind was filled with images of his mother as he’d seen her in the underground parking lot. He really hadn’t known. Her eye—she’d lost sight in one eye? A guilt far greater than the shame he’d felt earlier for misunderstanding Seo Ahn-jae suddenly engulfed him.

He’d taken his mother’s situation too lightly. They were gangsters and she was being chased by such bad people. Even he as a man had been hurt by them, yet he’d pushed away any sympathy. She was family, still the mother who gave birth to him, and he shouldn’t have been so coldly dismissive. Without even realizing it, Joo Seung-ha bowed his head deeply and covered his face with his hands. He wasn’t crying. He wasn’t sad either.

He just couldn’t breathe. In the swaying car, he couldn’t hear the sound of rain hitting the windows or the wheels running on the road. But he could feel the hand touching his head. The large hand stroked his wet hair several times, unconcerned about its dampness. Even as the car swayed, the movement was gentle and careful.

When he came to his senses, he was at Seo Ahn-jae’s house again. After arriving, Seo Ahn-jae released Joo Seung-ha’s hand in the middle of the living room and disappeared somewhere in the house. Joo Seung-ha stood there like a doll, dazed. Soon Seo Ahn-jae returned with towels in his hands.

Though they had dried somewhat in the car, both their clothes and hair were still wet. When Seo Ahn-jae covered Joo Seung-ha’s head with a towel and started rubbing, Joo Seung-ha instinctively tried to back away in rejection. However, Seo Ahn-jae’s words made him freeze, unable to fully retreat.

“It’s not your fault.”

It was immediately clear that those gruff words were meant as comfort. Joo Seung-ha looked up at Seo Ahn-jae as he dried his hair with the towel and slightly parted his lips.

“I know.”

“Then why are you acting like this?”

Though he was probably asking why Joo Seung-ha was blaming himself so much, Seo Ahn-jae’s question came out sharp like criticism. But Joo Seung-ha still answered in a daze, almost mumbling, “Because I still did something wrong.”

Seo Ahn-jae showed irritation in his eyes, apparently disliking that answer.

“If you have the heart to care about a mother who treated you like a stranger, couldn’t you spare some for me too?”

A small part of Joo Seung-ha finally came to his senses, realizing that Seo Ahn-jae’s bad mood was because he was only focused on thoughts of his mother. Come to think of it, why had Seo Ahn-jae paid that money? He remembered the answer he needed to get from Seo Ahn-jae. 

Joo Seung-ha grabbed the towel on his head and stepped back firmly.

“Why did you pay the money?”

“To catch you.”

The shameless answer came easily from Seo Ahn-jae. But it was still a confusing answer for Joo Seung-ha. Was he really trying to recreate what happened seven years ago? But to use such a large amount of money…Then suddenly it occurred to him. While 700 million was a huge sum to him, perhaps to Seo Ahn-jae it was an acceptable amount to spend on revenge. Revenge. This word made his mood sink a bit.

“Are you trying to buy me with money like I did seven years ago?”

“Can I buy you?”

“No.”

Joo Seung-ha shook his head firmly. He wasn’t about to repeat the same mistake he made seven years ago.

“Whatever you want from me, I’m already shocked enough and feeling guilty about this incident. The money, I’ll find a way to pay it back somehow…”

“How could you possibly pay back that amount?”

When the cold mockery cut off Joo Seung-ha’s words, Joo Seung-ha looked up directly at the other man.

“I’ll do anything except sell my body.”

“Sell your body,” Seo Ahn-jae muttered, twisting his lips, then stepped forward and grabbed Joo Seung-ha’s arm.

“Why? Is buying people with money something you prefer?”

“No. I know now that was wrong. Senior Ahn-jae, I apologized before but I’ll do it again. What happened back then was my fault. If you were hurt by that incident…Ah!”

A small cry escaped from Joo Seung-ha’s lips as Seo Ahn-jae gripped his arm tightly. Without loosening his grip, Seo Ahn-jae spoke lowly.

“No, nothing was wrong. You used the right method back then. That’s why I’m using it too.”

Joo Seung-ha tensed his arm trying to break free while speaking firmly.

“I didn’t buy you for revenge.”

“Who said anything about revenge?”

“If it’s not revenge, then what is it?!”

Seo Ahn-jae’s lips twisted at Joo Seung-ha’s outcry.

“What is it? Fuck, what else would it be? The same as you.”

Joo Seung-ha stopped breathing and looked up at him. His eyes were filled with confusion, not understanding the meaning of his words.

“…The same?”

“Yes, the same. I want to hold onto you so badly I’ll even pay that damn money. That’s how much.”

When Joo Seung-ha stopped trying to break free, Seo Ahn-jae pulled him close. The next words came like a whisper from lips bent toward Joo Seung-ha, “I like you.”

“…”

“I’m going crazy because I like you, fuck.”

Though he cursed, to Joo Seung-ha’s ears it sounded like a sigh. Only one thought surfaced in Joo Seung-ha’s frozen mind. This can’t be. It must be a lie. To torment me, to deceive me…But there was no lie in the hand gripping his arm so tightly it trembled, nor in the devouring gaze looking down at him from up close. Joo Seung-ha’s eyes filled with confusion again. He slowly shook his head.

“You must…be mistaken. There’s no way you could like me…”

“Don’t worry about it. While you’re paying back that 700 million with your body, I’ll make sure you understand plenty.”

“…I don’t want to.”

Joo Seung-ha stepped back again, adding in a mumble, “I don’t like you anymore.”

For a moment, Seo Ahn-jae’s expression froze frightfully cold. Fear spread through Joo Seung-ha like a chill, thinking he might kill him.

“Seung-ha.”

When Seo Ahn-jae raised his hand, Joo Seung-ha flinched unconsciously, but the hand just gently stroked his hair. And his next words were completely different from what Joo Seung-ha expected.

“It’s okay. I can wait. Unlike you, I can wait 70 years or 700 years until you feel the same way I do.”

Though his voice was calm, it scared Joo Seung-ha more than when he had cursed and shouted. That was why he couldn’t easily break free from his hand. But he couldn’t accept paying back the 700 million with his body either. Yet there was no realistic way to repay that money.

Knowing what had happened to his mother, he couldn’t even be angry about the money being given arbitrarily. If anything, it was truly something to be grateful for. Usually, he would have resisted and tried to break free, insisting on paying back the money somehow, but Joo Seung-ha, half-broken by the news about his mother, didn’t have the strength to firmly reject his proposal.

“And you need to give me a chance. Like I gave you back then.”

Though his tone was forceful, Joo Seung-ha couldn’t easily argue back. Seven years ago, he really had given him a chance. He still clearly remembers what a miracle that had been for him. So this statement too couldn’t be easily rejected. Joo Seung-ha barely managed to mumble with his head bowed, “Give me time to think about it.”

And when he tried to turn away, Seo Ahn-jae wouldn’t let him go. When Joo Seung-ha turned his head as if to ask why, Seo Ahn-jae calmly said, “Rest at my house today.”

“No.”

At Joo Seung-ha’s immediate response, Seo Ahn-jae’s jaw tightened.

“This isn’t about calculations or debt. I can’t leave you alone today, so stay with me here.”

“I’m fine. I can be alone.”

Haa, Seo Ahn-jae frowned as he roughly ran his hand through his hair.

“Just stay by my side. Fuck, I won’t touch you.”

Seo Ahn-jae was still holding Joo Seung-ha’s arm but couldn’t meet his eyes, turning his head to the side. His appearance really seemed to show awkward concern, making Joo Seung-ha ask dazedly, “Are you pitying me?”

Seo Ahn-jae slowly turned his head and twisted his lips.

“Is this how you beg for pity?”

“…”

“I want you to be comforted by me. That’s all. Haha, fuck, this is shit.”

He turned away again after saying that curse. Though anger was mixed in with the curse, it didn’t feel unpleasant because it was clear that the curse was directed at himself. It was so unlike him that the atmosphere became awkward. Joo Seung-ha looked down at the hand painfully gripping his arm.

For begging, there was no pleading, just curses, and a forcefully gripping hand, yet somehow it was comforting. Like his hand that had stroked Joo Seung-ha’s hair in the car earlier. Like someone’s touch stroking his back that he had longed for so much. In truth, he wanted to quickly return to his narrow gosiwon, and curl up under the blanket. Because there, he might be able to cry.

“I don’t need comfort.”

Joo Seung-ha’s words came out calmly while still looking down. Though he couldn’t see Seo Ahn-jae, he could tell his gaze had turned cold with disappointment and anger. Still, as if refusing to let go, his hand adjusted its grip on Joo Seung-ha’s arm. Joo Seung-ha murmured “Senior” under his breath and slowly raised his eyes.

“But I’m cold.”

Seo Ahn-jae seemed to stop breathing for a moment. Then he immediately embraced Joo Seung-ha tightly. The sound of Seo Ahn-jae’s hot breath against his ear deeply penetrated Joo Seung-ha’s consciousness.

Seo Ahn-jae’s lips touched Joo Seung-ha’s ear. He kissed it slowly, as if tracing every lobe with his lips. Humid heat filled Joo Seung-ha’s ear. Joo Seung-ha turned his head to the side at the tickling, unfamiliar sensation, but his lips followed, pressing hard against Joo Seung-ha’s skin.

Hah.

Seo Ahn-jae’s deep breath was all over Joo Seung-ha’s body just like that. Flinching, Joo Seung-ha reacted, but not much. Joo Seung-ha was indeed shivering from the cold. As Seo Ahn-jae had said, he shivered like a man facing the dead of winter alone.

The bone-chilling chill never left Joo Seung-ha’s insides, so the suffocating pressure on his arms was actually better for him. Joo Seung-ha clenched his jaw and lowered his head to overcome the trembling. Seo Ahn-jae’s lips nibbled at his earlobe with his teeth.

It didn’t hurt, but the hardness of his teeth against the softness of his lips made Joo Seung-ha turn his head to the side more as if to avoid it. Seo Ahn-jae moved his lips to the nape of Joo Seung-ha’s neck, which was now exposed, and buried them in a kiss.