NFS 3.4

When Joo Seung-ha answered immediately, Seo Ahn-jae twisted his mouth.

“If I undress you now, can I hold them?”

“That’s more like you.”

“You don’t know everything about me.”

“At least this behavior isn’t like you.”

“What behavior? Saying that I miss you and like you? Wanting to hold hands?”

Seo Ahn-jae let out his characteristic sneer. Joo Seung-ha looked at him straight on, not backing down even in the slightest.

“Yes, things like that.”

“Don’t assume I can’t do something just because you’ve never done it.”

“I…”

Joo Seung-ha, about to argue back, realized the other man’s words were true. He had never once told him he liked him or missed him. There were plenty of excuses. Afraid of burdening him, afraid he’d hate him more. Afraid it would break their past relationship.

“Even if I had said such things, nothing would have changed.”

“We don’t know that. Since I never heard them.”

“…”

“How do you feel hearing it?”

“…”

“I like you.”

Seo Ahn-jae leaned forward again and met Joo Seung-ha’s eyes.

“I want to hold you, Joo Seung-ha.”

After being unable to speak for a moment, Joo Seung-ha responded calmly, “Do it. That’s why I came here.”

Seo Ahn-jae leaned back in his chair with an expressionless face. He muttered while looking at Joo Seung-ha with a cold expression, “Fuck, way to kill the mood.”

At those words, Joo Seung-ha actually let out a small laugh. No matter how he thought about it, this version of Seo Ahn-jae was much more comfortable. It was easier to deal with than him softly whispering things like “I like you,” “I miss you,” “I want to hold you.”

“If my attitude bothers you so much, you can break the contract anytime.”

“As if. Do I look like an idiot who’d break the contract over something like that?”

Joo Seung-ha, who had secretly hoped for him to say he would break it, asked frustratedly, “Doesn’t it hurt your pride?”

“Was pride important to you?”

Joo Seung-ha couldn’t answer and turned his gaze away, but soon put force behind his voice as if trying to make an argument, “Back then I was really crazy. Back then, I…”

Different from you now. The assertion couldn’t be completed. What little reason remained pulled the final brakes on what he was going to say. Who am I to compare others to myself? But even though he stopped speaking, his meaning was fully conveyed to the other man. Seo Ahn-jae twisted his mouth and completed Joo Seung-ha’s unspoken words, “Compared to you back then, my love is nothing?”

This time, Joo Seung-ha couldn’t get angry even when Seo Ahn-jae openly sneered. This was clearly Joo Seung-ha’s fault. He shouldn’t have carelessly judged someone else’s love.

“I’m sorry.”

“Okay.”

“That’s it?”

Seo Ahn-jae tilted his head.

“Want to receive punishment instead?”

“It’s not serious enough for punishment.”

“Since you think so, I want to punish you even more.”

When Seo Ahn-jae made a playful smile, Joo Seung-ha furrowed his brow in response.

“We’re not children. What are you…?”

“Kiss me.”

Joo Seung-ha, who was about to look away, stopped and turned back.

“That’s the punishment?”

“You don’t want to do things with me. That makes it enough of a punishment.”

“…Is that from experience?”

The smile disappeared from Seo Ahn-jae’s lips. He stared at Joo Seung-ha intently before speaking slowly.

“We never kissed back then. It’s not from experience.”

Joo Seung-ha turned his gaze away, not wanting to reveal his sense of relief. Then he stood up and asked, “Should I shower first?”

“No. Let’s do it together.”

“Absolutely not.”

Joo Seung-ha headed to the bathroom in horror as low laughter sounded out from behind him. Entering the bathroom, he locked the door just in case and stood before the mirror. Though it was Monday, his face showed fatigue from working at the shelter over the weekend. Hollow eyes, pale skin, prominent cheekbones from recent weight loss. It was an appearance his past self would never have wanted to show Seo Ahn-jae, but now he wished this look would make him run away.

“Haa…”

Joo Seung-ha sighed deeply, placing his hands on the sink and lowering his head. Why did he feel so drained, as if he’d already gone through everything before they’d even had sex?

A million won per ejaculation. Since a man’s organ can usually ejaculate with just physical stimulation, Joo Seung-ha tried to think of this as just hard physical labor. Actually, sex with Seo Ahn-jae had been exhausting to the point of dizziness. So what he wanted was for him to just quickly enter and thrust until finishing, even if it hurt.

“Just do it.”

When Joo Seung-ha expressed his wish, Seo Ahn-jae, wearing only a towel around his waist after leaving the bathroom, cast him a cold look.

“Do what exactly? Be a stud horse like seven years ago, disgustingly shooting semen? Well, fine. You might prefer that. It seems to be your taste.”

Joo Seung-ha wondered if Seo Ahn-jae’s mockery was instinctive. Like he had a natural talent for knowing exactly how to hurt others with his words and looks alone. So he barely held back from flaring up and responded calmly, “Isn’t that your taste too? Treating partners as just cum dumps.”

“It was.”

Seo Ahn-jae readily admitted it as he approached the bed where Joo Seung-ha sat wearing a robe. Joo Seung-ha forced himself to look up despite wanting to avoid it. Just need to do it once or twice. Maybe three or four times.

“But I want to do it differently with someone I like.”

“…”

“Why do you hate it?”

“No, just…it’s still surprising to hear it multiple times.”

Actually, “unbelievable” would be more accurate than “surprising.” I like you. Why did these words still feel so unfamiliar to his ears?

“You talk about it like it’s someone else’s business?”

“I found I had to treat those words like someone else’s business.”

Seo Ahn-jae’s eyes grew fierce as he quickly caught the meaning behind Joo Seung-ha’s words.

“How many bastards did you have to treat like someone else’s business?”

Joo Seung-ha hesitated. People who confessed they liked him…Several faces flashed through his mind for a moment there.

“Well…I haven’t counted.”

When he tried to speak casually while swallowing his confusion, Seo Ahn-jae twisted his mouth. But his voice was overwhelmingly tender.

“Haven’t counted how many made you cry while fucking you?”

“Have you counted how many you made cry while fucking them?”

“Curious? I’ll tell you.”

“No thanks.”

“But I am curious about your numbers.”

Seo Ahn-jae smiled a smile that would entrance anyone.

“I want to find out who touched you, cut off their fingers at each joint, and strip away all their flesh.”

Even Joo Seung-ha, who had been responding casually, couldn’t help but frown at these words.

“What crazy talk is that?”

“This? Everyone who’s held you must have thought the same thing. Don’t tell me this is the first time hearing it?”

“…”

“It’s not, right?”

Joo Seung-ha hesitated while considering whether to lie, but Seo Ahn-jae misinterpreted his hesitation differently.

“I really want to find and kill them all.”

Seo Ahn-jae’s honey-sweet voice was strangely less burdensome than his blade-laced whispers.

“There must be dozens of people to kill, so you’ll be busy. Running the company, making employees flee while smoking, attending boring dinner appointments.”

“Still got to do what needs doing.”

Seo Ahn-jae replied with a smile on his face. Joo Seung-ha was half-dumbfounded and half-amazed, wondering if this person had always been so glib. Thanks to this, their irritating argument lightened, and the tension about having sex with him disappeared.

“Then you’ll be living off the state’s food, clothing, and shelter for the rest of your life. It’s not like you’re doing YOLO in prison.”

Seo Ahn-jae burst out laughing at Joo Seung-ha’s words. He ran his hand through his hair, the smile lingering on his face, and the movement of his bare muscles caught the eye. His already broad shoulders seemed even more pronounced with thick muscles from working out, making him look like a different race. Joo Seung-ha became conscious of his thin body and pulled his robe tighter.

“Why didn’t I know you were this fun before?”

“Even if you had known, nothing would have changed. This much doesn’t affect anything.”

Just as I don’t affect you now. Joo Seung-ha kept wanting to remind him. This was a kind of obligation. Even if Seo Ahn-jae’s eyes turned cold now, or if he cruelly sneered, this was the minimum courtesy Joo Seung-ha had to maintain. As Seo Ahn-jae had shown through his actions seven years ago. Realizing now, in the same position, that it had been a consideration was one of life’s ironies.

“No, at least when I flipped you over and thrust my cock in, you might have laughed. But what about now?”

Seo Ahn-jae looked over Joo Seung-ha’s body with half-lidded eyes.

“Do you just enjoy getting fucked?”

Ah, really. No matter how much he resolved not to get emotionally drawn in, talking with Seo Ahn-jae always made him flare up like this. Joo Seung-ha barely managed to suppress it, but anger spread in his eyes. Seo Ahn-jae seemed to like that, his gaze deepening as he looked at Joo Seung-ha.

“You don’t need to answer. It’s better to just check directly.”

He stepped forward and reached out to grasp Joo Seung-ha’s neck.

“Cry under me like before. Beg while panting.”

“What?”

“For me to shake you harder, thrust deeper.”

“…”

“Don’t want to?”

Though the hand on his neck didn’t apply pressure, just being enveloped by it gave a feeling of submission to the other man’s strength. And Joo Seung-ha knew this feeling too well. His sense of dominance damnably spread excitement through Joo Seung-ha’s blood. Truly damn worthy of cursing. Joo Seung-ha clenched his molars before speaking lowly, “‘Beg’ is the wrong word.”

“What do you want to say?”

“Make me want it first.”

Seo Ahn-jae’s eyes lit up. Joo Seung-ha realized that he had found the meaning of his words in the past. Joo Seung-ha had made that demand seven years ago, the first day he’d confronted him at the hotel. What he’d done then had been so humiliating that he could still remember it clearly. This one, too, damn it.

“Okay. That’s only fair.”

His eyes widened in triumphant bewilderment, not expecting Seo Ahn-jae to say yes. Seo Ahn-jae stepped back and ordered him.

“Go upstairs, sit back and watch, and I’ll rub my cock in front of you for you to see.”

Joo Seung-ha wanted to refuse. He wanted to just say let’s get this over with quickly, but this was a provocation he had initiated first. Joo Seung-ha did as he asked, climbing onto the bed and resting his head on the headboard. The fluffy white bedding beneath him was as comfortable as sitting on a cloud, but he wasn’t in the mood to watch Seo Ahn-jae make his movements.

Compared to the situation seven years ago, Seo Ahn-jae should be nervous and Seung-ha should be watching this situation bored, but it wasn’t working out that way. Joo Seung-ha’s breath caught in his throat as he saw Seo Ahn-jae’s large body climb onto the bed. Why am I still being such an idiot? Joo Seung-ha lifted his expressionless face in self-pity.

The way Seo Ahn-jae stood on his knees and approached Joo Seung-ha seemed to be the movement of a giant. Every time he moved, the mattress vibrated under his weight, sending shivers up and down Joo Seung-ha’s spine. He didn’t stop until he reached Joo Seung-ha’s legs, and Joo Seung-ha tried to reach up and touch him. Seo Ahn-jae didn’t tell him to stop, but the other man had thankfully stopped.

But he suddenly realized the other man was too close for comfort right then. He had obviously washed with the same body shampoo as him, and the scent was unmistakable, but Joo Seung-ha’s scent was completely different. It was mixed with a suffocating heat.

Joo Seung-ha lifted his eyes from his muscular, hard chest. Looking down, Seo Ahn-jae’s face stood against the light, like a soldier who had come to crush a hidden enemy, he thought, and there was a cruel excitement in his eyes, as if he had finally found what he was looking for. 

“May I touch you?” he asked in a low, cracked voice.

“May I touch it?”

“No.”

Joo Seung-Ha muttered. Seo Ahn-jae looked down at him as if he didn’t care and pointed.

“Then look at me properly. Then we can start.”

Start? Ah…JooSeung-ha lowered his eyes to the place he’d been avoiding. A little lower in his abdomen. The place he had been consciously avoiding looking at. The center of his lower body, covered only by a single towel, literally stood like a tent. The white towel was more stimulating than the exposed genitals. But what bothered Joo Seung-ha more was Seo Ahn-jae’s gaze on his face.

“Close your eyes, or cover them.”

There was a short laugh. Even without looking up, Joo Seung-ha could picture him smiling with his eyes closed. The only reason he didn’t open his eyes to check was because Seo Ahn-jae’s hands moved, and without pausing, he ripped the towel from around his waist in one swift motion. His penis, bigger and thicker than he had expected, was revealed like a weapon.

He swallowed hard as he thought to himself, You have every right to be proud of it. I’d made out with you not long ago, and I’d taken your penis into my body countless times seven years ago, but I’d rarely seen it up close like this. Mostly I’d just felt it being laid down, flipped over, and taken inside me, so I hadn’t realized how erotic another man’s erection could be.

“How does it look?”

Joo Seung-ha heard the question from above his head and raised his eyes in triumph.

“It looks like a horse.”

“I’ve been treated like a stallion quite a bit.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look at me.”

Joo Seung-ha looked at his eyes in surprise. But sure enough, they were closed. Joo Seung-ha tried to lie and say he was looking but lost his timing and lowered his gaze again. He saw the hand grab the penis. A thick, long penis jutted out of the large hand that couldn’t quite grasp it. A low sigh came from overhead. Joo Seung-ha lifted his eyes, unable to erase the feeling that the other man was looking at him, but all he could see were still closed eyelids.

“Are you looking at me?”

“Yes.”

He lied, returning his gaze to the floor. Seo Ahn-jae’s hand began a slow stroke over the shaft of his cock. His voice dropped to a low whisper as Joo Seung-ha fought the urge to swallow unnecessarily.

“I’ve been offered to provide sperm a few times,” he said, ”including from a couple who looked at me like they were picking out a good horse to ride.”

Joo Seung-ha barely swallowed the question that was about to come out. In his own mind, he’d paid for his cum, a lot of it, and the same cock that had spilled countless loads of cum into Joo Seung-ha’s body was now hard and enlarged.