RFL Ch 16

“Eat. You must be hungry.”

Sooin placed a spoon in front of Song Jaeyi as he spoke. His voice was a mess from the long bout of crying—rough and cracked at the edges, tinged with a nasal tone.

Even on the day of the accident three years ago, he hadn’t cried like this. Back then, he’d been too overwhelmed by the surreal situation to process it, let alone cry. From the funeral to Suye’s hospitalization, treatment, and the trial, every moment was spent scraping together time to earn even a single extra penny.

Yet today, he’d sobbed for an hour straight over something so trivial. In the arms of a hoobae five years his junior, he’d unleashed a grief he hadn’t even shed at the funeral.

It was something he’d never imagined, leaving Sooin at a complete loss for what to do. He knew how to put on a charming smile or handle things with tact, but he had no idea how to act after baring his deepest vulnerabilities to someone. Unsure of what expression to wear or what to say, he just stirred the seolleongtang aimlessly.

“If you can’t eat, at least drink some water.”

A glass was set in front of the steaming clay pot. Sooin cautiously lifted his gaze from the white broth.

“Your body’s probably drained of water, Hyung.”

Song Jaeyi delivered the half-joking remark with utter seriousness, pushing both glasses of water toward Sooin. Then, he casually started mixing his rice into the broth.

As his broad frame moved, Sooin’s eyes drifted to the stained T-shirt. From the collar to the chest, it was marked with splotches—his traces. Tears, and likely a good amount of snot too, had left their evidence. The realization made Sooin dizzy with embarrassment.

“…Your T-shirt. I’ll buy you a new one.”

“No need.”

“Take it when I offer.”

Forcing a playful smile, Sooin prompted Song Jaeyi to pause mid-bite. Raising an eyebrow with a cocky stare, Song Jaeyi’s expression was brazen. Still, Sooin kept smiling.

“Take it. I’ve already ridden in your car a bunch of times, and I haven’t even paid for gas.”

“I’ve never thought about accepting stuff like that.”

“I know. But it’d ease my mind if you did.”

Only then did Song Jaeyi nod reluctantly. With his nose still wrinkled and brows twisted upward, he grumbled in a sulky tone.

“Do whatever you want, then.”

Muttering, he picked up his spoon again. With a face that seemed like it’d only know stew among broth dishes, he devoured the seolleongtang in no time. Meanwhile, Sooin managed a few sips of broth but couldn’t touch the rice. He emptied both cups of water Song Jaeyi had pushed his way.

Barely fifteen minutes after entering the restaurant, the meal was over. In that time, Song Jaeyi had even polished off the rice Sooin left behind, lamenting its waste. Having skipped lunch and stayed outside until sunset, he must’ve been starving. Feeling even guiltier, Sooin swallowed a sigh.

The two stepped out and stood at a short crosswalk. The traffic light in front of the hospital’s main gate took a while to change.

In the silence, Sooin braced for questions. After waiting all day without even eating, Song Jaeyi would surely ask what happened. But he stayed quiet, standing by Sooin’s side without a word. He looked ready to leave meekly, even without an explanation.

“Thanks for the meal.”

“No, thank you—for today, even if it’s late.”

“Yeah.”

That was the end of it—no follow-up questions. They crossed the parking lot where they’d played tag in the dark earlier.

As they walked, Sooin hesitated. Song Jaeyi had driven him here and waited so long—shouldn’t he at least briefly explain what happened? While he wavered, Song Jaeyi pressed his car key. With a beep and a flash of lights, it seemed he’d really leave just like that.

Suddenly, Sooin felt an urge to stop him. His hand moved on its own to grab Song Jaeyi.

“Hyung.”

Song Jaeyi beat him to it. His large frame turned abruptly.

“Huh?”

Sooin quickly pulled his hand back, responding as Song Jaeyi stepped closer. His heated gaze locked onto Sooin’s, the mood thick enough that a kiss wouldn’t feel out of place.

“I realized something today.”

Expecting a question about his family, Sooin nodded, ready to answer honestly no matter what.

“You like me, Hyung.”

The odd confession didn’t match the intensity of his stare. Unsure if he’d heard right, Sooin let out a puzzled “Hm?” As he questioned, Song Jaeyi closed the gap further.

“More than I thought you did.”

“Hey, wait. Me, liking you?”

“It’s obvious now.”

A large hand cupped Sooin’s chin, tilting it up. Song Jaeyi leaned in, angling his head shamelessly for a kiss. Sooin blocked his lips just in time.

“Whoa, getting cocky after seeing me cry once, huh?”

“I’m right, though. You like me, Hyung.”

Song Jaeyi pressed his lips to Sooin’s palm as he countered. The soft, warm sensation tickled, making Sooin laugh and squirm. Even as he pulled away, Song Jaeyi stubbornly followed. Ugh, I can’t win. Sooin surrendered, lifting his chin.

“Fine.”

It was time to admit it. With a cool smile like the night air, Sooin spoke.

“Truth is, I’ve liked you for a while.”

Saying it out loud made it clearer. Pulling his head closer, Sooin pressed his forehead to Song Jaeyi’s. Seeing his startled face after being the one cornered made Sooin chuckle.

“Seeing you makes me happy. Not seeing you makes me miss you.”

“…”

“Being like this makes me want to kiss you.”

Come to think of it, Song Jaeyi had never properly confessed either, yet he’d preempted Sooin’s. Feeling petty, Sooin playfully nipped his nose.

“I thought I could just get over it, but it’s not working. I’m in trouble, kid.”

With a light joke, he planted a quick peck on Song Jaeyi’s lips. A soft smack sounded as he pulled away.

Song Jaeyi froze like a statue. Leaving him stunned, Sooin walked off with a laugh, heading toward the parking lot’s edge to give him time to recover.

“Who said to get over it?”

Footsteps quickly followed. The indignant tone, almost scolding, was cute, making Sooin stifle a laugh.

At the parking lot’s corner was a short trail and smoking area. He belatedly regretted dropping his new cigarettes on the ground while running. Smacking his lips, Sooin sat on a wooden gazebo.

“Then don’t get over it.”

Song Jaeyi, catching up, stood in front of him. Backlit by the streetlamp, his features looked even more like a work of art. Meeting his deep gaze, Sooin smiled.

“Jaeyi, you’ve felt it too, right? How different our worlds are.”

There was no denying it anymore. Cornered with no way out, he’d spilled it all head-on. It wasn’t a confession for dating.

“I’m not saying we should go out.”

“Then are you trying to end it completely?”

“No. Just… eat together sometimes, hang out, and if you’re okay with it, have sex.”

Song Jaeyi’s shadowed features twisted. It was the same scowl he’d worn whenever he’d chided Sooin for being rude.

“That’s enough for me. You can date someone else, sleep with them—I don’t care.”

But even that expression faded in an instant. Returning to the blank face of their first meeting, Song Jaeyi asked quietly.

“So… you’re saying to hang out until you stop liking me? How’s that different from dating?”

If you don’t possess something, you can’t lose it. Sooin didn’t want to experience any more loss.

He decided not to explain the clear reasoning. It was a selfish, one-sided proposal anyway—Song Jaeyi didn’t need to understand. It might even be better if he rejected it out of confusion.

As Sooin stared silently, Song Jaeyi let out a deep sigh. His trembling breath stretched long, as if suppressing boiling emotions.

“I told you earlier. It’s all obvious now.”

Exhaling fully, Song Jaeyi bent down. Squatting, he met Sooin’s eyes at a lower level. With the backlight gone, his brightened face blinked at him.

“I’ve figured out all your attack patterns, Hyung.”

Sooin had expected him to storm off in a huff, but Song Jaeyi dug in stubbornly instead.

“…Attack patterns?”

“You deliberately say rude stuff to hurt and push me away.”

A sharp pang stabbed his chest. Quickly masking his surprise, Sooin countered calmly.

“It’s not a lie—it’s the truth. I’m not forcing it.”

His low, slow words didn’t get through. Song Jaeyi shrugged with a “Sure, whatever” look, then abruptly changed the subject.

“My position in hockey’s always been defense. Since I was really little.”

“…”

“No matter how big the guys charging at me were, I never got pushed back.”

His face, gazing at Sooin, was as expressionless as ever. Yet a tenacious desire in his eyes made Sooin tense. He’d unconsciously held his breath.

“So keep doing whatever you want, Hyung.”

Standing up without a flicker of emotion, Song Jaeyi smiled down at him. The downward gaze and lopsided grin made him seem arrogant and cocky.

“I won’t budge. Ever.”

Cocky, cute bastard.

Realizing he’d lost again, Sooin let out a breezy laugh.

❤︎₊ ⊹

After sending Song Jaeyi off, Sooin spent the night in the ward. He knew it wasn’t necessary or particularly helpful, but he couldn’t go home. He just sat in a chair, watching Suye until dawn.

A hospital ward’s day starts early. Thanks to that, he had time even after the morning rounds. Greeting the caregiver, Sooin stopped by home briefly. After a quick wash and change, he headed out again for class.

But the moment he opened the gate, he faced a familiar car. Frowning in disbelief, Sooin watched the window roll down.

“Let’s go to school together.”

The face he’d been with hours ago sat in the driver’s seat. Sooin laughed helplessly, sweeping his bangs back. Already floating from lack of sleep, this morning encounter made reality feel distant.

“Am I asleep right now? This feels like a dream.”

At his mutter, Song Jaeyi gave a faint smirk.

“You like it that much? I’ll pick you up every day, then.”

Leaning casually on the steering wheel, Song Jaeyi’s handsome face nearly made Sooin nod. Shaking it off, he climbed in and answered firmly.

“No, absolutely not.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why? You know why you’re asking.”

“I genuinely don’t know.”

Picking him up every morning? Even lovers or family would struggle with that. It wasn’t a casual favor between a sunbae and hoobae—especially not from someone as stoic as Song Jaeyi.

“Eating and having sex—that’s fine, you said.”

“Still no.”

“So why? Isn’t picking you up a lower level than sex?”

His childish argument was undercut by his overly polished pronunciation of “level.” Stifling a laugh, Sooin sighed as Song Jaeyi softened, mumbling.

“You’re so contradictory, Hyung.”

“Yes, I’m well aware.”

Replying quietly, Sooin closed his eyes. Only then did his tense muscles seem to relax. His stiff body sank into the passenger seat. Unlike the hard hospital chair, the cushioned support felt plush. A small groan bubbled up from his throat.

“…You didn’t sleep at all?”

Song Jaeyi asked, suppressing irritation. Wondering what he’d done to annoy him, Sooin smiled.

“Came straight from the hospital.”

“Then why send me off? We could’ve stayed together.”

“The ward’s too cramped for both of us anyway.”

“Still…”

Swallowing his aggrieved tone, Song Jaeyi fell quiet. Feeling he might be upset, Sooin opened his eyes slowly. His rational mind screamed not to comfort him, but his head turned anyway.

Sensing the gaze, Song Jaeyi clenched his jaw tighter. His sharp jawline tensed, his lips twisted, and finally, he let out a deep “Hoo” sigh.

“You can’t control your pheromones when you’re tired, Hyung.”

Ah, Sooin exhaled belatedly. Come to think of it, Song Jaeyi had reacted similarly during their “social skills” sessions—frowning and speaking curtly, holding back anger and frustration. Which meant…

“Right now too?”

At the cautious question, Song Jaeyi gave a short nod. Then he sped up the car. The engine roared as they climbed the hill. The school gate was already nearing.

The car ascended the steep road into campus, heading for the nearest parking lot. Far from the lecture halls and close to the gate, it was relatively quiet. As soon as he parked, Song Jaeyi unbuckled his seatbelt.

With a click, a massive shadow loomed over Sooin. Caught mid-motion unbuckling his own belt, Sooin’s eyes widened.

“Not here.”

He put on a stern face, like calming an excited puppy. Song Jaeyi lowered his hand, frowning. Unfastening Sooin’s still-locked belt, he pressed a button by the seat. As it reclined, Sooin naturally lay back.

“I’d never do it in a car either.”

Climbing atop Sooin, Song Jaeyi pressed his lips to his neck. The contradiction between his bold move and words threw Sooin off, missing the chance to push him away. Only after feeling teeth nibbling his ear did he shake his head free.

Losing the ear, Song Jaeyi slid down to bite his collarbone. With an “Ah,” Sooin’s body jolted, pressed harder by Song Jaeyi. The sensation of lips trailing tender skin felt distinctly like foreplay. Sooin’s breathing grew ragged.

“Then what’s this—Song Jaeyi!”

Snapping out of his haze, Sooin shoved Song Jaeyi’s shoulders. Pushing hard, Song Jaeyi looked up.

“I’ll mark you with my pheromones.”

His beautiful, clouded eyes gazed down. Entranced, Sooin mumbled, “What?” Even to the breathy question, Song Jaeyi answered quickly.

“If you go like this, they’ll all know. Every alpha will smell it—your pheromones, Hyung.”

“Song Jaeyi, calm down, wait—”

“I won’t go further. Just my scent, just a little.”

Pleading in a fervent tone, Song Jaeyi lowered his head again. Rubbing his soft hair against Sooin’s neck felt like a big animal nuzzling affectionately. Even in this moment, it was oddly cute, and the pushing hands gradually lost strength. A quick glance showed plenty of time before class.

“…If I smell your pheromones, I won’t be able to hold back.”

Muttering uncertainly, Sooin finally dropped his hands. Spreading his legs wider, he gave more room. Song Jaeyi burrowed deeper, his hot body and thick tropical floral scent flooding in.

“Even so, I won’t do it here. Trust me.”

❤︎₊ ⊹

As promised, Song Jaeyi released Sooin after marking him with pheromones. When a heated Sooin lunged, he teased back with his hands but stopped there.

“Just put it in, please…”

Each panting plea was met with a kiss. Eyes brimming with desire, as if he’d devour Sooin whole, Song Jaeyi bared his raw lust. Piercing Sooin’s slick hole with three condom-clad fingers, he pushed the swollen insides to their limit.

Sooin moaned into Song Jaeyi’s mouth, as if crying out his pleasure. Song Jaeyi’s heavy pheromones sharpened every sensation. Embarrassed by how much he’d resisted, Sooin craved Song Jaeyi’s cock.

But Song Jaeyi was firm. Driving Sooin to climax repeatedly until he couldn’t beg anymore, he cleaned up right after. Wiping the messy hole and dressing him meticulously—all while sporting eyes that looked ready to fuck on the car hood.

Thanks to that, an exhausted Sooin blew his morning lecture. He attended on time but absorbed nothing, leaving his notebook blank. His body and mind felt melted into mush.

Meanwhile, the culprit acted nonchalant. Sending Sooin off as if nothing happened, he joined him at the student cafeteria after class like it was routine.

“Don’t you have class? No way you don’t.”

Sitting with trays, Sooin threw a pointed remark. Song Jaeyi shrugged lightly, not bothering to hide it.

“I do. Just don’t go.”

“…Why?”

“I never went much anyway. Only stuck with the group project stuff.”

Should he praise him for at least not screwing over the group project? It was confusing. A cheerful voice called out from afar.

“Sooin Sunbae! Jaeyi Oppa!”

It was Yiso. Waving enthusiastically over her head despite holding a tray, she bounded over. Junyong trailed behind, approaching hesitantly.

“It’s been forever since we’ve all been together like this, right!”

“Sunbae-nim, hello…”

Beaming, Yiso naturally set her tray next to Jaeyi. As she sat, Junyong gave an awkward smile and took the seat beside Sooin.

“Yeah. Hey, Junyong.”

“Y-Yes… H-Hello…”

Sooin flashed a warm smile to ease the tension. But since the freshman welcome event, Junyong turned into a creaky robot around him. No matter how much Sooin tried to loosen him up, the more they talked, the worse it got.

So he deliberately focused on eating, keeping quiet. Yiso’s chatterbox nature would carry the conversation anyway.

Sure enough, she wasn’t fazed by the stoic and malfunctioning pair. She eagerly rambled on, eventually bragging about her new boyfriend for over ten minutes before quieting down—realizing too late that everyone else had finished eating except her.

“Yiso, take your time.”

“No, when did you all… finish eating…?”

Sooin coaxed Song Jaeyi, who was silently asking with his eyes if he could just stand up, while sliding a glass of water toward the hurriedly eating Yiso.

Once the talkative one quieted down, a stillness settled over the table. Yiso, who had been aggressively wielding her spoon, shot a glare at Junyong with just her eyes.

“Say something too!”

“Uh, um…”

That’ll just make him malfunction more. As Sooin thought this, Song Jaeyi stood up. His back, walking off with heavy steps without a word of explanation, drew everyone’s attention. Junyong and Yiso’s eyes wavered with a “What’s up?” look.

By now, Sooin was used to these sudden moves and waited calmly. Sure enough, Song Jaeyi returned with a new cup of water and sat back down with a composed face. Placing the cup in front of Sooin, he muttered softly.

“Take your medicine too.”

“Oh, right, I should.”

Sooin quickly pulled out his pills and popped them into his mouth. Swallowing them with the water Song Jaeyi brought, he set the cup down and locked eyes with Junyong. The boy’s shaky gaze lingered as he stammered.

“Uh, um, s-so, when did you two start dating?”

His nostrils flared as he asked, making Sooin smile awkwardly. He must’ve smelled it. Answering wasn’t easy.

“Huh!? They’re dating?”

“Oh, uh, sorry…”

It was definitely the scent that tipped him off. Yiso’s reaction was so loud that rice grains nearly flew, while Junyong fidgeted nervously. His face flushed red as he apologized, thinking he’d said something wrong.

“What? Are you really dating?”

Having finished eating, Yiso was now even more animated. Her eyes sparkled as she thrust her spoon forward like a microphone. Sooin gave another uneasy smile and glanced at Song Jaeyi. Should I just say yes and brush it off? Before he could ask with his eyes, Song Jaeyi gave a curt reply.

“We’re not dating.”

His blunt denial cut off any room for ambiguity, and he frowned. Then he added a brief qualifier.

“Not yet.”

Even after saying it, he seemed unsatisfied, his brow furrowing deeper. His serious expression suggested he was mulling it over more.

“Not yet… officially?”

After a long pause, Song Jaeyi said this, and Yiso dropped her spoon with a blank look. The table fell into complete silence.

“…Should we get going?”

Left with no choice, Sooin stood first to wrap things up. He waved at the frozen Yiso and patted Junyong’s shoulder. Meanwhile, his not-yet-official boyfriend was already strides ahead. Sooin hurried to catch up and poked the broad back right in the center.

“Who decided it’s ‘not yet’?”

“It is not yet.”

“No, it’s not ‘not yet’—we’re just never dating. Didn’t you get what I said yesterday?”

“I did.”

Amid the loud clatter of the dish return area, Song Jaeyi replied indifferently. Then, the moment Sooin’s hand was free, he grabbed it, interlocking their fingers.

“Didn’t you fail to get my answer, Hyung?”

“…”

“I clearly said this is how it’d be.”

Pulling their clasped hands, Song Jaeyi led the way. As he pushed open the glass door, blinding sunlight poured in. The harsh light made Sooin’s sleep-deprived eyes and head throb.

Even so, he didn’t shield his eyes with his hand. Without closing them or pulling away, he just walked. Gradually, his pace synced with Song Jaeyi’s, who’d been leading. Their steps aligned side by side.

Following the tug of his hand, they soon reached the parking lot. The car, now instantly recognizable even from a distance, brought back the heated morning air. Doing something so shameless in such a bright, open space made even Sooin’s thick skin flush with embarrassment.

“Get in.”

Rubbing his cheek, Sooin smiled. He nodded toward the car and tried to slip his hand free, but Song Jaeyi frowned instantly. Gripping the escaping hand tighter, he stepped closer.

“Another lecture?”

“No, tutoring today.”

“Then get in. I’ll drop you off on the way.”

It was supposedly “on the way,” so there was no reason to refuse. Drawing a line at this level of kindness was long overdue anyway. Still, something held him back, and Sooin silently furrowed his brow.

“What’s wrong now?”

Even without words, his expression must’ve answered. Song Jaeyi raised a handsome eyebrow and rubbed the hand he held. The ticklish touch and his subtly closer face scrambled Sooin’s thoughts. His mind, searching for a valid excuse, quickly grew chaotic.

“It’s just too…”

His lips, opened to justify the uneasy feeling, hesitated. Staring mesmerized at Song Jaeyi’s thick eyelashes up close, Sooin’s thoughts stalled. Suddenly, Song Jaeyi’s earlier words flashed through his mind.

“Isn’t picking you up a lower level than sex?”

By that logic, no excuse would work now. With a hollow laugh, Sooin reluctantly nodded. Fine, let’s go. It’s on the way anyway. He mumbled, mixing in a bit of rationalization.

❤︎₊ ⊹

But two hours later, stepping out of the tutoring student’s house, Sooin froze again.

Song Jaeyi, who’d said he’d drop him off and leave, was still parked out front. Rolling down the window with a face as serene and white as the car, he spoke calmly.

“Done?”

This guy… Sooin approached with a wry laugh.

“What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you, Hyung.”

“Why?”

“To take you home.”

Was there some pickup artist book with a rule like “Always give rides!” or something? Sooin’s incredulous chuckle deepened.

“I’m not at an age where I need a guardian.”

“I know. I just want to.”

Song Jaeyi had come to his place at dawn, driven him to school despite skipping his own classes, then brought him here to the tutoring gig and waited two hours in the car. He must’ve been just as sleep-deprived from last night.

Could this really be explained by “just wanting to”? Pondering silently, Sooin let out a sudden “Ah.”

Is it for sex? Dropping him off could lead to going home together, naturally setting the mood. Last time, it had happened that way too…

If that was the reason, he’d been utterly clueless all day. Realizing it late, Sooin swallowed an awkward groan. He’d indulged himself all morning while leaving Song Jaeyi hanging, hadn’t he? Feeling a strange guilt, Sooin quickly climbed into the passenger seat.

Song Jaeyi raised an eyebrow at the abruptly meek response but said nothing more. As if to prevent a change of heart, the car headed straight for the road. He’d already memorized the way to Sooin’s place without directions. Inside the smoothly running car, Sooin chose his words carefully before speaking.

“But Jaeyi, I need to go back to the hospital today.”

“Oh.”

Song Jaeyi let out a short sigh and pulled over to the shoulder. His hands entered the hospital address into the GPS with no fuss. But the expression on his refined profile nagged at Sooin. A mix of surprise and disappointment prompted Sooin to reach out. Pressing firmly on Song Jaeyi’s solid thigh, he flinched.

“What?”

Wrinkles creased above Song Jaeyi’s high nose. Thinking he might be shy, Sooin stifled a laugh and shifted his hand.

“I can’t go all the way, but I could use my mouth.”

His hand slid up the muscled thigh, fiddling with the buckle. Undoing the front easily, Sooin leaned down. Brushing back his bangs as prep, he opened and closed his mouth a couple times, about to unzip—

“…Are you insane?”

A reprimand dropped from above. His torso was yanked back upright. Blinking, Sooin found himself back in place.

“Is that all you think about, Hyung?”

“…Wait, isn’t that why you waited?”

“If it was, I’d be pissed. What’s with this ‘sorry I can’t go all the way’ nonsense…?”

Song Jaeyi’s sharp eyes glared like Sooin was shameless, fixing his pants. His breaths still came rough, anger unresolved.

“And ‘today’? Are we scheduling sex now?”

Honestly, if he could, Sooin would prefer it planned. He juggled school, multiple part-time jobs, and hospital visits, after all.

But saying that now would obviously backfire. Sooin stayed silent, offering only a docile smile.

“You’re telling me I look like some guy who’d pull this when you’re going to the hospital?”

Roughly raking back his hair, Song Jaeyi punched the GPS button again. The hospital name on the screen was a garbled mess, cut off mid-entry with typos and special characters. Staring at it in disbelief, Sooin coughed lightly. Looking back, he wondered why he’d gone that far—both puzzled and embarrassed.

Song Jaeyi drove on, still huffing. His hands, usually relaxed on the wheel, gripped it tight today. After a while of watching his tense knuckles, Sooin softened his voice.

“Sorry.”

If someone he liked saw him that way, he’d be upset too. Gazing at Song Jaeyi, focused on driving, Sooin explained.

“Truth is, I wanted to. I just used you as an excuse.”

Even unintended, his tact came naturally. Adding a sweet smile to the piercing glare, the grip on the wheel loosened slightly.

Long, elegant fingers tapped the steering wheel lightly.

“I know it’s not true.”

Stopped at a light, Song Jaeyi replied flatly. The expressionless beauty turned to face Sooin.

His gaze had softened considerably from moments ago. The once-cold, sharp eyes now felt warm and mellow. Yet somehow, he didn’t seem okay.

“But I’ll let it slide.”

A man who despised pretense and lies said he’d overlook it despite knowing. Realizing this, the uneasy knot in Sooin’s chest swelled. His throat tightened, warmth spread, and even his practiced smile faded.

To hide his stiffening face, he quickly turned to the window. The familiar hospital-area scenery unfolded outside. Staring blankly at the row of pharmacies, Sooin swallowed a sigh.

He’d thought setting an end date would make parting easier. As Song Jaeyi said, since they’d already had sex, nothing much would change. But admitting he liked him out loud kept fueling his greed.

Now, he hated seeing Song Jaeyi even slightly hurt. Thinking he might frown because of him weighed on his heart. Seeing this privileged guy, who’d never lose out anywhere, bend for him first stung his chest.

The uneasy feelings tangled and grew like a spool of thread. Because he liked him, he wanted to treat him well, cherish him, do anything for him—but he couldn’t. All he could offer was sex.

“We’re here. Main building, right?”

The car crossed the ground-level parking lot and stopped right in front of the hospital. Sooin nodded briefly, clearing his throat. As he tried to say thanks, Song Jaeyi leaned on the wheel and asked quietly.

“Can I wait?”

It was a cautious question for someone who’d waited two hours for tutoring without asking. The uncharacteristic hesitance silenced Sooin.

“Doesn’t matter if you’re late.”

Even his added persuasion was timid. That uncertainty was so unlike Song Jaeyi—usually bold and direct. It was a side of him Sooin had never seen, and Song Jaeyi himself seemed awkward with it. Liking someone levels the playing field for everyone, it seems.

“If it’s okay with you, Jaeyi…”

People in love lose the selves they knew. They do things they’d never normally do, stop saying things they used to, or blurt out nonsense like offering oral.

So Sooin asked in resignation. With a light tone and a faint smile.

“Wanna come up with me?”

Instead of answering, Song Jaeyi turned the wheel. The car veered off the temporary stop line, heading into the parking lot. The same spot where they’d had that wild chase at night.

The walk to the ward wasn’t short. The parking lot to the entrance was a trek, the lobby was huge, and Suye’s ward was on the opposite side. Even then, it was another long haul down the corridor to her room.

It hit him how far it was. Just getting from the car to the entrance already felt awkward.

Normally, Sooin wasn’t easily rattled. Silence in a group never bothered him, and he’d never understood the pressure to keep talking.

But today was different. Bringing a guest—other than Choi Juyeong—to the ward was a first. An indescribable tension kept tightening his throat, forcing words out.

On the way, Sooin rambled pointlessly. There’s a good restaurant in the hospital basement, a convenience store nearby where he buys cigarettes when the urge hits, it’s a waste to keep buying lighters too, he’s thought about carrying one but holds back to avoid smoking too much. All useless chatter, and they were still just in the lobby.

Damn it, he cursed inwardly, stopping at the elevator. Song Jaeyi stepped up beside him, replying with a simple “Yeah,” before adding.

“Are you nervous, Hyung?”

“No.”

Sooin answered almost reflexively, fast enough to convince most people. But Song Jaeyi didn’t buy it.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t ask.”

“…”

“So don’t be so tense.”

In moments like this, Song Jaeyi felt otherworldly. He often seemed like a reckless, selfish kid, but when he pierced through Sooin’s hidden feelings with uncanny accuracy, he didn’t feel younger. More like a being from another realm wearing a human mask.

Every time, Sooin felt dizzy. Not just from embarrassment at being read, but from a deeper relief—as if he’d wanted it noticed—made him uneasy. His chest prickled.

Thankfully, the arriving elevator gave him time to feign composure. Stepping into the half-full lift, Sooin grinned playfully.

“Our Jaeyi’s been real cheeky lately.”

“Me, cheeky?”

His voice dropped as the crowd filled in. Pushed to the center by the throng, the two noticeably larger figures stood close—so close their breaths mingled.

So Sooin just raised his eyes subtly. It’s cramped, but bear with it, his look implied. The joking remark from boarding was already forgotten.

But Song Jaeyi was different. Even as the overcrowded elevator finally closed and started up, he kept staring intently. His expression, like he wanted to finish the conversation, drew a baffled laugh from Sooin. There’s people, he tried to brush off with an awkward smile.

“Still, you like me, Hyung.”

Song Jaeyi said it with a shameless face.