SSL 22

“You piece of shit, you do this every time I almost forget. You look down on people.”

“I said I was sorry.”

“Is that an apology? It’s a roundabout way of dissing me, saying ‘the problem is that you’re petty, Woo Jincheol, why are you making a fuss over something like this’.”

“It means I made a mistake because I didn’t understand. Next time, I won’t share what you give me. I should have gone to the student council and gotten a separate copy for Doyoon.”

“Wow, this bastard, really, until the very end…….”

Jincheol took another step forward, grabbed Cha Jaehyun by the collar, and shoved him hard.

But Jaehyun did not budge. The other kids who had been watching from the sidelines just made sounds like, “whoa, whoa.” Jincheol helplessly let go of his hand, and instead, spoke with a hoarser, more grated voice.

“If you’re so great, why do you hang out with someone like me. You think it’s not obvious usually? You piece of shit with a rotten personality, your attitude is like you’re only hanging out with me because of Kim Yoon.”

“……”

“……This bastard talks a big game, but at times like this, he can’t even offer an empty compliment.”

Muttering as if to himself, Jincheol let out a short laugh. Then he turned his eyes back to Doyoon and poked his head with his index finger, jab, jab.

“But you get along just fine with something like this, huh.”

“I told you to stop. Why are you bothering an innocent kid.”

“So you’ve become best buddies and were studying alone together. The math score excuse sounds fake. Do you have the same hobby?”

“What are you talking about.”

“You seem to like corpses too.”

Jincheol’s gaze briefly flickered down to Doyoon, then went back up to Jaehyun.

“I’m asking if you and this thing have the same hobby.”

“Woo Jincheol.”

“What’s with the look? Feeling guilty?”

When Jaehyun glanced around and called his name, Jincheol spat out even louder.

“It was strange from back then. When they said Kang Doyoon kissed a corpse, instead of ‘ew, that’s gross,’ you flew into a rage and defended him. I thought, huh, what’s with this bastard’s reaction. Then later, you were the one who cleaned up the pigeon carcass for him, right? I got the picture then.”

“Stop it.”

“Kang Doyoon kissed a cat’s corpse in middle school.”

In the classroom that had suddenly become as quiet as a mouse, Jincheol shouted triumphantly. Pointing a finger at Doyoon’s head.

“This bastard is a necrophile. He was famous for it throughout the school in middle school. There’s even a picture…….”

Jincheol staggered.

It was because Jaehyun had grabbed him by the collar and shoved him. Jincheol did not back down either. Although he stumbled back a few steps with his knees bent, he soon planted his heels and stood firm, then pushed Jaehyun back in the chest. But when Jaehyun did not budge, he raised his fist and punched him in the face instead.

Screams erupted from the surroundings. A few kids quickly pulled out their phones and turned on their cameras. Jaehyun’s face was turned halfway from the blow, but he did not stagger or fall. With a busted lip, he just looked over at Jincheol and gave a crooked smile.

“You hit first, right?”

“Yeah, you bastard.”

“Don’t.”

As the two clenched their fists at each other, they were stopped by a small body and paused.

A scrawny boy who looked like he would fly away like a piece of paper if hit once stood between Jaehyun and Jincheol with his arms spread wide. With his back to Jaehyun, facing Jincheol, his face completely pale.

“You’re right. I did that in middle school. But Cha Jaehyun has nothing to do with it. It’s a misunderstanding.”

“Move.”

“Move, Kang Doyoon.”

“Hit me. You can just hit me. Don’t do it to him.”

“Ah, fuck.”

Jincheol scratched his arm furiously.

“Oh, look at you two having a romance. Did you meet in secret and do some perverted stuff with a corpse or something.”

“Woo Jincheol, everyone else can hear you. Cut it out. Is that all you have in your head?”

“Then what is it?”

His gaze fell on Doyoon’s face.

“You answer, Kang Doyoon. Then why did you do it? Why did you hug a corpse with all its guts spilling out and kiss it? You did it because you were turned on, right?”

“I’m telling you to stop because it’s so fucking disgusting.”

“You shut up. I’m asking Kang Doyoon right now. Hey, they say you said it with your own mouth.”

Jincheol raised his voice triumphantly.

“I heard you admitted it yourself in middle school. That you were turned on. You know Park Kanghyuk, right. In your class in the first year of middle school. He said there’s even a kid who filmed you confessing.”

“……”

“Did you or did you not. Just answer truthfully.”

“……I did…….”

“Kang Doyoon.”

Jaehyun interrupted, gripping Doyoon’s shoulder hard enough to hurt slightly.

“You don’t need to answer that crap. If you answer, you’ll get drawn in.”

“Why do you keep butting in. I’m just telling him to tell the truth.”

“Truth, my ass. Using such an obvious trick.”

As the back-and-forth continued, a murmur gradually rose from the surroundings. Is it true?

Did that Kang Doyoon kid kiss an animal corpse in middle school? Uh, I think he could have, someone whispered in response. Because, he was a bit creepy during the pigeon incident too. If there’s even a video, it’s undeniable. But Cha Jaehyun is kind of a letdown too. Why is he trying so hard to defend something like that?

Doyoon barely steadied his knees. He felt a wave of dizziness.

The floor is collapsing. His body is falling endlessly into a vacuum. The memory from middle school overlapped perfectly with the present. The day after he buried the stray cat’s corpse, when he went to school, someone called his name loudly. As he approached as called, a boy held up a photo on his phone in front of his face and asked.

<This is you, right?>

<Yes.>

Doyoon answered obediently. Because it was indeed a picture of him. Then, like ripples spreading, the kids started to stir. A few boys, saying they would give him a chance to explain, grabbed Doyoon and dragged him to the teacher’s platform. They began to ask questions as if conducting an interview, telling him to answer loudly enough for everyone in the back of the classroom to hear.

<Why did you do it?>

A tall boy named Park Kanghyuk grabbed Doyoon’s shoulder and asked. Why did you do such a perverted thing. When he couldn’t get the words out right away, he shouted loudly again. I’m asking why you got turned on by a corpse and kissed and sucked it. Just as Doyoon was stammering, trying to get his voice out somehow, the questions poured down again. DidnDid you get a boner while you were kissing it? You did, didn’t you?

Tell me. Fuck, why can’t you speak? Answer me. We’re giving you a chance. Why can’t you speak when we’re giving you a chance? Hey, I told you to answer. No? Hey, look at the bastard’s face. He’s a terrible liar.

The gazes that pierced him from all directions, the reprimanding voices. In the end, Doyoon accepted it without being able to utter a single word. He just agreed, unconditionally, yes, that’s right, what you guys are saying is right. Only after that was he finally able to get down from the teacher’s platform. Only after being transformed into a kid who got turned on by a mangled animal corpse, kissed it, and got an erection while kissing it.

So it ends up like this in high school too. Doyoon thought. The same thing is happening. The only difference is that not only himself but Jaehyun too is on the stage. Filth is being thrown on him as well. He is being pushed into the same mire.

But Jaehyun does not try to avoid it. He had several chances, and Doyoon is trying his best to let him escape, but he does not respond in the slightest.

Why on earth is he acting like that. A surge of emotion welled up inside him. Feelings jostled near his heart. Things that pulled at labels like ‘resentment’, ‘anxiety’, and ‘dissatisfaction’, yet did not quite stick to any of them. Jaehyun is completely different from that kid in middle school too.

The kid who had spoken to Doyoon a couple of times in middle school, when pointed out by the other boys, his face turned red and he quickly backed away. “Do you like corpses too?” After being asked that laughing question, he had mumbled, “No, it’s not like that…….” and from the next day, he did not come near him.

It would have been better if Jaehyun had done the same. Why is he still standing so firmly behind me like this. Gripping my shoulder and even clenching his fists. While Doyoon was lost in his thoughts, not knowing what to do, the tone between the two grew rougher. Jincheol spat something out, and when Jaehyun responded mockingly, his face contorted. As he clenched his fists and was about to stride forward, Doyoon stood his ground and desperately blocked him, saying.

“Don’t. Don’t fight.”

“Move, you perverted bastard.”

“This bastard really doesn’t know any other word besides pervert…….”

“I’m, not.”

The pronunciation leaked through his trembling lips.

“That’s……. wrong.”

“What?”

“It’s true that I, back then, the stray cat, the corpse, I kissed it.”

Doyoon spat out, even while panting.

“But that……. turned on……. for, that, wasn’t it. You, have it wrong.”

“That’s funny.”

Jincheol let out a short laugh.

“You admitted you were turned on. I told you there’s even a video of it.”

“That’s because the kids told me to answer that way……. on the teacher’s platform, they put me up……. they said they’d let me down if I admitted it. So I answered to get down, that’s what, it was. I, I, didn’t, really, do that.”

It’s probably useless. As he rambled incoherently, Doyoon thought.

He could never say anything properly. Even if he opened his mouth, it would only sound like lies or wrong answers to others’ ears. So he was not opening his mouth with any real hope that Woo Jincheol or the other kids in the classroom would believe his words.

He just could not betray that one person. Doyoon resolved, conscious of the shadow cast behind him.

<I can’t get hit. I can’t get hurt.>

<I’m not an idiot. Mom said I’m not.>

The one person who takes my side.

Until elementary school, Doyoon had such a person, but she turned out to be a fake. His mother actually loathed Doyoon. She had only been pretending to be a ‘good mother’. But because it was a pretense, his mother must have tried even harder. It must have been incredibly difficult for her to pretend to like him when she hated him. So much so that she eventually couldn’t stand it and left home.

He must not betray such a heart. It was a relief that he had not betrayed her at the time. It is the same with Jaehyun now. Doyoon could not understand why a kid like this was taking his side. In any case, right now Jaehyun is standing behind Doyoon. He is protecting Doyoon and even fighting for him. So Doyoon himself cannot not make an effort.

He has to resist, one way or another. I have to try to take my own side too. No matter the result, with all my might. Doyoon took a few quick, ragged breaths and then began to speak again.

“Back then, I…….”

Doyoon clenched his fists tightly, held his breath for a moment, and looked straight up at Jincheol. In that state, he forced his voice out with all his might. Just as he had long ago, in front of the storage cabinets at the back of the elementary school classroom.

“……It’s just, that, the corpse, I hated that it was abandoned.”

His voice came out so creakily that it was hard to listen to, so Doyoon held his breath for a moment and then exhaled.

“It was on the road for a long time……. Cars kept hitting it, people would stare, and curse……. So, because I hated that, I took it to bury it…….”

“What a load of crap.”

Jincheol let out a short laugh.

“Then you should have just quietly buried it. Is that the same as putting your lips on it?”

“……”