TIN 158

A muggy breeze brushed past my cheek. Summer was almost over, but the weather was still warm and cozy. It wasn’t sweltering heat, but it was hard to call it autumn.

Perhaps that’s why the month at the mansion felt so distant, as if I was dreaming. As if time had stopped as the seasons stopped, I felt like I was living a life detached from reality.

“…….”

I stared blankly at the sky and took a deep breath of the outside air. Soft cumulus clouds were floating in the unusually clear sky. The high sky, as if I could reach it if I reached out my hand, felt close today.

Blood was still seeping from the arm where the needle had been drawn. I pulled it out without much thought, but it turned out to be more troublesome than I thought. Fortunately, it has almost stopped now, but the throbbing pain has not gone away.

Well, it doesn’t matter now. After all, this pain will end soon.

I stared down at my feet. Beyond the floor I was standing on, I could see the distant garden. It was a scenery I had always looked out of the 3rd floor window, but it felt different to see it from here.

On the edge of the sloping roof, there was a flat space just enough for one person to stand on. It was a precarious place, but it didn’t feel particularly scary. I just realized once again that the mansion was so tall and big.

“Hoo…”

How long had I been there? Just as I was about to let out a long sigh. I felt a familiar presence from afar. A long figure flickered beside the open view and seemed to be getting closer. I slowly turned my head and looked at it.

“…….”

“…….”

Bright yellow eyes were fixed on me. Because the sunlight was pouring down from above, his eyes looked particularly bright. I slowly blinked and said to him.

“You’re late.”

“…….”

“I thought you’d come sooner.”

The sound of exhaling was too clear. Joo Do-hwa, who was standing on the same roof as me, like me, stepping on the edge, narrowed his brows as he brushed back his disheveled hair. Then, he lowered his voice and called me.

“Hyung.”

The heavily suppressed voice seemed to show how angry he was. His expression, frozen as if it would freeze, also looked as precarious as a time bomb about to explode.

“What are you doing there.”

It was a plain question, but he probably wasn’t really asking what I was doing. Unless he was just asking what I was doing.

“Why are you in such a dangerous place.”

He was also standing in a dangerous place. Joo Do-hwa looked at me with eyes as if he was worried. He slowly softened his hardened expression and reached out his hand to me, taking a step closer.

“Don’t stay here…”

“Don’t come closer.”

He stopped walking when I said it lightly. A distance of only about five steps away. A distance where I couldn’t reach even if I reached out my hand, but where my voice could be heard enough. We stood still, facing each other, leaving only that much distance.

“Stay there. Don’t come to me.”

Maybe he also felt it. That if he took one more step closer, I was ready to take two steps away.

So he stopped in his place and asked me.

“Are you going to jump?”

The answer didn’t come easily. Maybe it was because I secretly thought it was up to you.

“I don’t know…”

I trailed off and looked around the roof of the mansion. The building, which was too wide to fit in at a glance, felt narrower than the container where I lived with Yoon Ji-soo when I was young. It was so suffocating inside.

“This house, you can’t bug it, right?”

Joo Do-hwa didn’t deny it at the sudden words. He just looked at me silently. I didn’t even look at him and looked down at my feet again.

“The door isn’t locked, and there’s no one watching.”

Foolishly, I should have come out sooner. No, if I had come out with a clumsy determination, the door might have been locked.

“You thought I couldn’t die.”

“……”

“You must have thought I couldn’t escape, so you left me alone.”

It was an arrogant judgment, but he wasn’t wrong. In reality, I was like an animal trapped in a giant iron cage, unable to move an inch. Like a prisoner awaiting the death sentence, I was bound, unable to choose anything with my own hands.

“You’re right. I can’t die.”

Acceptance wasn’t difficult, and now it even felt belated. The heart that had been so confident that I could leave without any regrets had shattered long ago.

“But why are you doing this?”

Joo Do-hwa asked quietly only after I had finished speaking. As if he couldn’t understand my current actions. I had only one answer for him.

“Because there’s no way to live.”

While lying down, I had thought a lot. Should I run away again, and how should I live after that? I don’t have any money saved up anymore… and I even have this now. Wouldn’t it be better to just die?

‘I’ll help you escape.’

But the moment I heard those words, I realized. The truth was, I desperately wanted to live. I wasn’t living to find Yoon Ji-soo, but I was clinging to anything and everything out of a desire to live.

Yes, enough to be swayed by this mere being in my womb.

“I’m getting out of here.”

“……”

“I can’t live like this in this house.”

Ironically, the moment I decided to live, I gained courage. The courage to give up my life in order to live, to escape from him, to gain freedom.

“Then you should have been in the truck.”

The voice that flowed out like a breath was none other than Joo Do-hwa’s. He spoke to me, chewing on each word.

“Instead of standing here like this, you should have gotten in the truck Lee Yuna brought.”

“……”

Ah, so he noticed. He must have been able to guess what Lee Yuna would do without even eavesdropping. Quick-wittedly, and annoyingly so.

“Is this how you live?”

His two eyes, fixed on me without wavering, seemed almost wronged. As if he couldn’t understand the choice I had made at all.

‘Just come down.’

‘…….’

‘I’ll take care of the rest.’

To be honest, it would be a lie if I said I wasn’t tempted. I spent all night agonizing and hesitated until the very last moment. But despite that, I ultimately couldn’t take Lee Yuna’s hand.

“How could I do that? Lee Yuna will die at your hands then.”

How could I accept help? How could I dare to rely on someone’s kindness?

‘Bring Kim Jae-won, that bastard.’

One mistake is enough. I already had a memory of almost sacrificing an innocent person, justifying it as an unavoidable situation. I realized that the guilt and remorse were too much of a heavy and serious wrong to dismiss as just those kinds of problems.

So, the method I chose was this. Instead of going down to the garage, I came up to the rooftop. Following the path used by the employees, crossing the window at the top to reach this place.

It wasn’t an easy process with my injured leg, but it wasn’t impossible if I took my time. Thanks to Lee Yuna drawing Joo Do-hwa’s attention, no one was watching me. So, it was actually inaccurate to say that I didn’t receive any help.

“You know. There’s no other way.”

“……”

“Do you have anything else to say?”

If not, I wanted to leave now. As I asked that question with that thought in mind, Joo Do-hwa took a deep breath. Without me noticing, his pheromones were all around me. Sharp and threatening, so much so that I would have been strangled long ago if it were in a narrow room.

But unlike that, the voice that flowed out slowly was soft enough to melt my ears.

“I’ll forgive you if you come back now.”

For a moment, I didn’t understand his words. He had put on a completely gentle expression and was speaking in a soft and kind tone. Despite emitting such angry pheromones, he had softened his expression as if trying to appease me.

“I won’t get angry. If you don’t want to get the IV, you don’t have to get it.”

His calm voice, like soothing a child, was slow and gentle, but at the same time, there was a hint of anxiety. The way he caught his breath in between, or the way his words were cut off short.

“I’ll hang the painting in your room too. I was going to return it soon anyway.”

The painting was probably the one hanging on the stairs. The one depicting the sunset over the sea, which was my only breathing hole. Although Joo Do-hwa had already taken it away.

“So come here.”

He held out a hand. As if telling me to grab it and come to him. He quietly made eye contact and nodded slightly.

“Come here, Hyung.”

“……”

I told him not to come closer, but he’s telling me to come? It was an uncharacteristicly gentle response, but I couldn’t help but laugh. Thinking about it again, there was a part that just didn’t make sense.

“…Come here.”

I snickered. Joo Do-hwa’s expression changed subtly as he saw me suddenly start laughing. I showed him my empty hands and gestured at my casted right foot.

“What are you saying, Do-hwa.”

“……”

“I can’t walk, I’m crippled.”

His face hardened as if covered in filth. It was the first expression I had seen since returning to this house, and as soon as I confirmed it, an incomparably pleasant feeling washed over me.

I looked straight at him and asked in a light tone.

“Isn’t this what you wanted?”