ABM CH20

Chapter 20. Hamsters Are Cute Even If It’s The Same Rat

I had been lying in bed for a long time, but judging by how late my alarm went off, I must have woken up quite early. Since I had cried earlier, I kept rubbing my eyes on the bus ride to school as they kept shutting on their own.

Part of me thought that if I fell asleep now, maybe I’d go back to that moment in the dream and could finally ask about it. But that was a truly foolish idea, so instead of sleeping, I put on earphones I rarely used and played some music.

Turning the volume up to its maximum, the lyrics completely filled my mind. It was just something I clicked on from the app’s recommendation list, but the song was slow and suitably melancholic.

The love story of some composer, which had absolutely nothing to do with me, was achingly poignant with every word.

I ended up listening to the entire song, which poured out a long tale of the other person leaving, but I didn’t want to waste my emotions on something like this while listening to music. So I just turned it off.

The music wasn’t great, but having the earphones in blocked out all the background noise, and I liked that.

‘Ah, right, there was a time when I didn’t think about anything like this. Back when I was content just watching Woo Yeonho from afar—that time was better.’

***

There’s a Korean saying that you should listen till the end. 

Yesterday, Woo Yeonho sent me flying into the clouds by saying he liked me, only to throw me back to the ground with, “Let’s just be closer friends.”

I couldn’t bring myself to refuse his offer to stay friends—it would’ve made me look weird—so I managed to give a response, though my voice came out awkwardly high-pitched, leaving me flustered.

I felt deeply embarrassed about the tiny bit of hope I had allowed myself to have. Too embarrassed to look him in the face, I had kept my eyes fixed on my shoes. It was then that Woo Yeonho, who hadn’t eased his grip on my hand even a little until that point, suddenly let go.

The moment his fingers, which had wrapped around mine so firmly, disappeared, I felt strange.

What is this feeling?

While I was trying to make sense of it, I heard a girl’s voice. Thin and sweet, it was the kind of voice I felt like I’d heard somewhere before. She called Woo Yeonho’s name and laughed in a charming way, as if she was trying to seem as cute as possible. Internally, I cursed her for being so fake. She even smelled nice—deliberately, it seemed.

Did Woo Yeonho think the same thing?

Was it her shampoo? Or perfume she had intentionally applied? Did he think it suited her?

If I used something like that, would Woo Yeonho think I smelled nice, too? Would he like me a little more if I did?

Woo Yeonho stood in front of me, blocking my way, as he chatted with her. Their conversation was nothing special—some greetings, talk about the upcoming sports day, and a suggestion to visit some place that was apparently popular.

How nice for her.

To be able to say those things without it feeling weird. To take up as much of Woo Yeonho’s time as she wanted.

Feeling a wave of inexplicable gloom, I couldn’t bear to watch anymore. I turned and ran in the opposite direction of the bus stop without even saying goodbye to Woo Yeonho.

I thought I might’ve heard him calling after me, but I couldn’t be sure. Several calls and texts came through not long after, but I deliberately ignored them.

***

‘Will Woo Yeonho be mad at me if I see him at school today?’

Woo Yeonho had never gotten angry at me before, so I couldn’t quite picture it.

‘Would he quietly mock me, like he does with others? Maybe he’ll ignore me altogether. Or maybe… he’ll even switch seats with someone else.’

There was a very, very small chance, but I still hoped Woo Yeonho might smile kindly, as if nothing happened, and gently say, “Don’t do that next time.”

‘In the way that Woo Yeonho does the best…’

But as I arrived at school, my worries doubled. I stood frozen at the back door of the classroom, unable to go in, with my fingers barely hooked around the door handle. My other hand fiddled nervously with my bag strap, which suddenly felt loose where it adjusted.

‘What if I go in and Woo Yeonho’s waiting for me?’

This was already the second time I had run away like this.

“‘f I were him, I’d feel annoyed and dumbfounded too. How bad must it have felt for him to be left there alone?’

If he greeted me with a serious face, not smiling, and asked why I didn’t answer his calls, what excuse could I make?

Maybe I could say I dropped my phone while running, and it broke? Or that I suddenly had to go to the bathroom? What if I said I forgot about some prior commitment? Would he understand?

Those are all things that could happen to anyone, after all. Maybe he’d fall for it, decide not to bring up yesterday, and go back to being his kind self—asking if I got home safely, pretending to worry about whether I tripped or hurt myself.

It was a hopeful thought, but I immediately brushed it away. Woo Yeonho was sharp. He’d see through my lie in no time. It was better not to lie to him, no matter how much I might need an excuse.

Woo Yeonho hated lies.

‘Woo Yeonho could be really disappointed in me.’

I decided it might be better to just act casual, as if nothing had happened, and tell him I got caught up in something yesterday. Then, I’d suggest we go watch the movie together next time. 

I’d recently gotten quite a bit of birthday money, so I could pay for both the movie and popcorn. Even if he wanted something extra to eat, I’d have enough to treat him.

‘Oh, and I should definitely apologize for not being able to go with him yesterday…’

…But then again, what if he’d gone with that girl instead? In that case, I didn’t really have anything to apologize for, did I?

‘Who knows? Maybe he even invited her to his house too.’

They could’ve ended up watching the movie together, laughing and chatting away. Maybe they’d even looked through his middle school yearbook. If she told him he looked cute with his short hair, he might’ve even shown her photos from when he was a kid—ones where he’d lost his baby teeth or the ones with baby Woo Yeonho looking like the cutest thing in the world.

Honestly, the thought was ridiculous. Why was I so caught up in Woo Yeonho’s every move? It wasn’t like he had a right to be upset if I didn’t answer his calls. People don’t always have to be available. Maybe I’d just needed to run to the bathroom urgently or something.

And really, who cared if he felt disappointed? It’s not like he liked me anyway.

As my thoughts settled, I found strength returning to the fingers that had been lightly gripping the door handle. With that, I slid the classroom door open. 

The sound of it cutting through the silence of the mostly empty hallway felt deafening. I flinched for a moment but reminded myself that opening a door wasn’t a crime. In fact, I deliberately opened my eyes a little wider and strode into the half-empty classroom with exaggerated confidence.

The first thing I saw wasn’t Woo Yeonho’s angry face, nor was it Woo Yeonho chatting happily with some girl. Instead, it was Kim Jungwoo sitting perched on my desk, engrossed in his phone. I frowned before I even realized it. Kim Jungwoo didn’t notice my irritation, too absorbed in whatever was on his screen.

‘What’s he doing sitting on my desk? I’ll have to wipe it down with a tissue before using it later. Or maybe I’ll just swap it with Woo Yeonho’s desk before he gets here. He won’t mind since it’s his friend who sat there, anyway.’

As I approached, Kim Jungwoo finally lifted his head from his phone and acknowledged me, though he made no effort to move. He just looked at me, his expression neutral but unapologetic.

“You usually get here at this time?” He asked, not bothering with so much as a nod or a polite greeting.

I pulled out my chair quietly and placed my bag on it. Part of me wanted to make sure he didn’t think my desk was Woo Yeonho’s by mistake, so I made it clear that this was my spot.

“Why aren’t you answering? Ignoring me?”

“…Ah, no… yeah.”

“Seriously, you’re so frustrating… Whatever. Where’s Woo Yeonho?”

“…Huh? Um… Well…”

Kim Jungwoo’s tone grated on my nerves, as always. It was as if he had a bottomless bag of swear words permanently hanging from his mouth. Or maybe he felt physically incapable of speaking without tacking on a curse at the end of every sentence. Either way, it was incredibly unpleasant.

‘How did Wooyeonho end up being friends with someone like him? They’ve been sticking together since March, so were they in the same class back in first year?’

Regardless, Kim Jungwoo’s behavior always reminded me of a chattering rat tagging along with a lion, sycophantically following wherever it went.

That chattering rat gave an irritating laugh.

“You went out with Woo Yeonho after school yesterday, didn’t you?”

“…Yeah, we left together… why?”

My heart dropped as soon as Kim Jungwoo brought up yesterday. Was my voice steady? Did I answer too quickly or too slowly? Why was he bringing this up? Did he see something? Like… me and Woo Yeonho holding hands? Or, worse, the kiss? If he saw that, what would I do? He’s not the type to keep quiet.

And what about Woo Yeonho? Did he know Kim Jungwoo saw something? What did Kim Jungwoo want to ask?

My chest tightened with anxiety, and my heart raced for entirely different reasons than when I was with Woo Yeonho. Unlike Woo Yeonho’s warmth, Kim Jungwoo felt like someone who would gleefully dig into your insecurities for his own amusement. His gaze meticulously scanned my face, as though searching for cracks in my composure.

I stayed silent, bracing for whatever might come next. Then, Kim Jungwoo gave a short laugh, stood up from my desk, and casually pulled out the chair in front of me, plopping himself down like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“These days, you’re always hanging around with Woo Yeonho, so I thought you might know. Why are you glaring at me like that?”

“…I’m not… I don’t know when he’s coming… We don’t talk.”

 “Oh, nice answer. Usually, you stutter like an idiot.”

“…”

“Why does Woo Yeonho treat you so well, though? Every time I see him, he looks like he’s practically dripping honey from his eyes.”

With a smirk that was just as unpleasant as his tone, Kim Jungwoo furrowed his eyebrows in mock thought, clearly indulging in some ridiculous fantasy. And then, as I had dreaded, the exact words I feared left his mouth.

“You two… you’re not seriously dating, are you?”

It was a question I could easily answer. No, absolutely not. But what held me back was the worry that this could spiral into something bigger—a label attached to Woo Yeonho, or worse, a rumor.

Kim Jungwoo loved stirring the pot. It didn’t matter whether the story was true or false; he’d twist and exaggerate it however he pleased, spinning it into something unrecognizable.

Granted, Kim Jungwoo wasn’t exactly the most credible source. Most people didn’t believe half the things he said because of his reputation. 

But even knowing that didn’t stop the knot of unease tightening in my stomach.

“…No.”

“A secret relationship, huh? Did Wooyeonho tell you to keep it quiet?”

“No, I said it’s not like that.”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s not exactly something guys would proudly flaunt, being all gross like that.”

There he goes again. Kim Jungwoo was already completely lost in his own world, clearly not interested in listening to a word I said.

How on earth was someone like him friends with Woo Yeonho?

Why does Woo Yeonho hang out with a guy like this? Did Kim Jungwoo have something on him? But that doesn’t make sense. There’s no way someone like Woo Yeonho—so perfect—would have a weakness to exploit.

“Hey, you know what Woo Yeonho said when I told him I was with you? He told me not to talk to you. Isn’t that hilarious? He just keeps ignoring you, yet you’re telling me you two aren’t dating?”

God, I swear, I know I shouldn’t, but I really, really wanted to smack Kim Jungwoo with that phone of his. Just once.

Hard enough to break his front teeth.