ABM CH 3

Episode 3: The Way To See The Mole On The Back Of Your Neck

Woo Yeonho’s palm cupped my entire cheek as if he was about to do something. He even traced the curves of my ear with his fingers, making it hard to tell if the tickling sensation was from where he touched or somewhere else.

Woo Yeonho was not only tall but also had large hands. It felt like everything about him was overwhelmingly big. Though he was just holding my cheek, it seemed like he could easily handle me however he wanted if he chose to.

Even so I wasn’t really worried. Woo Yeonho wasn’t gay, he didn’t like me, and even if I confessed to imagining kissing him, he’d probably just be disgusted rather than actually kissing me. Woo Yeonho’s actions towards someone like me were merely because he was bored, a fleeting whim like before.

“St-stop it…”

“Stop what?”

“Your hand…”

“Oh, you said you were ticklish.”

That wasn’t the issue, but I quickly nodded. Even though he himself had acknowledged that I was ticklish, Woo Yeonho didn’t remove his hand. To emphasize, I specifically said again,

“…It…tickles.”

“There is a mole here.”

Ignoring my words, Woo Yeonho lowered his hand and groped around the back of my neck. It gave me more goosebumps than him touching my ears.  I lifted my hand off the wall and hovered my fingers near his elbow, unable to grab hold of it.

Meanwhile, Yeonho’s face drew closer, seemingly searching for the spot where the mole was. As his face came nearer, I tried my best to hold my breath. Maybe that was why it felt like my heart was about to explode.

“Found it.”

Woo Yeonho’s voice was right next to my ear. As I heard his soft laughter, I ended up gripping his arm tightly.

“Seungwoo yah, your heart is beating so loud.”

He must have heard my heart, which was on the verge of bursting.

‘This is…this… I can’t help it. It’s because you’re too close. It’s all your fault…’

“Hey, what, Woo Yeonho was here the whole time!”

A familiar voice called out from a little distance away. It was the friends who would take Woo Yeonho away. Woo Yeonho lifted his head when someone called him, “Hey! Woo Yeonho!”

Only then did I exhale the breath I had been holding. I looked up at Woo Yeonho, trying to swallow my panting breaths caused by my pounding heart. Woo Yeonho’s gaze had already left me and was now directed at his friends. The conversation between Woo Yeonho and the approaching friends was about scolding him for not answering his phone.

“Do you know how many times I called you?”

“Yeah, it’s almost 6 o’clock already~”

They continued to nag him about how he didn’t answer his phone despite plans to hang out today. Woo Yeonho didn’t apologize even once until their scolding was over.

‘…If he doesn’t answer the phone, you should just assume he’s busy and leave it at that.’

It’s not like Woo Yeonho was obligated to answer every call. Now that Yeonho was no longer next to me, I could think clearly again and resumed my usual practice of criticizing his interactions with others.

Woo Yeonho doesn’t truly think of you as friends. He just finds it convenient to hang out with you because you’re nice to him. Even if it’s not you, there are plenty of people willing to be his doormat, so stop bothering him.

The people who hung on to someone like lifelines were so unpleasant. I touched my cheek, ear, and the back of my neck, where Woo Yeonho had touched, and then left the place. Just like how he didn’t stop me when I turned my back silently during those late mornings, he didn’t try to hold me back now. Maybe he looked at me once. Since I had my back turned, I couldn’t tell where his gaze was or what expression he had. I was too focused on the heat where Woo Yeonho had touched me to notice.

I didn’t even realize how I got home. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, I tried various ways to see the mole on the back of my neck but eventually gave up.

‘If those guys hadn’t found Woo Yeonho, what would he have done next? What would he have said?’

The thought bothered me so much that I ended up searching a ridiculous question on my phone at dawn. ‘What does it mean if a classmate touches my cheek and neck?’

***

I had to thank the heavens that today was Saturday. I thought about yesterday’s events until I fell asleep, and Woo Yeonho even appeared in my dreams. In the dream, I kissed Woo Yeonho. It felt too vivid to be a dream.

Woo Yeonho was as gentle as he was kind. He pulled me in, covering the nape of my neck entirely with his large hand, and kissed my lips softly. The sound of our lips smacking became embarrassingly audible as my dry lips moistened. 

In reality, I was too timid to even properly hold onto his arm, but in the dream, I was bold. Was it because I knew it was just a dream? 

In the dream, I wrapped my arms around Yeonho’s neck and stood on tiptoe. Even then, because of our height difference, Yeonho had to bend down significantly. The soft kiss didn’t end there and lasted a little longer. When I clumsily licked his lips with my tongue, Woo Yeonho laughed softly. He seemed to be testing my limits until he finally slipped his tongue into my mouth first.

I didn’t know kissing could feel this good. Sharing saliva might seem dirty in some way, but kissing Woo Yeonho was different. His lips from that dream haunted me all weekend.

Every time someone in my family mentioned lips, I was startled, and by the end of it, I was so tense that I almost pulled a muscle. I broke three cups, one of which was my mom’s cherished glass cup. Naturally, it shattered into pieces, causing quite a commotion.

My older sister, who had come home after a long time, treated me like a patient. She made me sit on the living room sofa, covered me with a blanket, and then insisted I lie down, bringing two cushions to prop me up. 

With a worried expression, she told me, “If you have any worries, talk to me.” Of course, I couldn’t tell her that I was like this because I dreamt about kissing a classmate.

Even though my family members who were worried gathered around me and chatted softly, my mind was completely consumed with thoughts of Woo Yeonho, Woo Yeonho and Woo Yeonho.

“Are you sure everything is okay at school?” 

My older sister asked suddenly, flipping through TV channels. She must have noticed my lackluster responses and interrogated me because I kept thinking about Woo Yeonho. All the eyes of the family members who were talking to each other turned to me at my sister’s question.

“……….Yeah. Nothing’s going on.”

“Then why have you been acting like this since yesterday?” 

“What do you…….?”

“You’re not getting into fights again, are you?”

Maybe because I had come home after being beaten up by some upperclassmen during middle school once, my older sister always suspected that something similar might happen again. 

To be honest, it wasn’t just me who got beaten up back then. Those bullies, who were suffering from their own case of middle school syndrome, went around enforcing their so-called discipline on all the younger boys. It wasn’t because I was acting particularly irritating. 

“It’s nothing like that…”

“You barely talk at school even though you chat so well at home. If you spoke even half as much at school as you do here, you’d be so popular with your teachers and classmates.”

I bristled at her words and wanted to retort. I didn’t want to act cutesy just to gain favor, and I did speak at school. Just yesterday, I talked with Woo Yeonho. With Woo Yeonho…

His laugh echoed in my mind again, and I couldn’t come up with a single response. I ended up pulling the blanket my older sister had given me over my head. 

My chest felt tight, even though I hadn’t done anything. Just the sound of Woo Yeonho’s laughter could affect me this much. Under the dark blanket, I touched my upper and lower lips alternately, just like how Woo Yeonho had in my dream. There was no thrill, no warmth. 

‘Of course not.’

The act itself felt too embarrassing, and I squeezed my eyes shut. 

‘I don’t know. Is it Woo Yeonho’s fault, or am I the weird one?’

Eventually, I fell asleep without sorting out my thoughts. Fortunately, Woo Yeonho didn’t appear in my dreams a second time.

Even after I woke up, I found myself seeing Woo Yeonho and myself in the kissing scenes of the drama my sister was watching. On my way to the store for my mom, I panicked and ran away when I saw a couple clinging to each other by a wall. I spent my weekend like that, and by the time I left for school the next day, I was still obsessing over how to face Woo Yeonho. 

Even though Woo Yeonho wouldn’t know I had dreamed about kissing him, I felt guilty and devised strategies to avoid being alone with him or having him talk to me. 

‘I’ll drag my feet in the morning so I enter the classroom as late as possible. I’ll ask the teacher to move my seat to the front because my eyesight has gotten worse. I’ll pretend to sleep during breaks so he can’t talk to me, and I’ll leave the classroom immediately after the final bell rings.’

These were the best plans I could come up with. After all, we were in the same class, and it wasn’t like I could avoid him completely. Surprisingly, my plan worked quite well. For several days, Woo Yeonho didn’t approach me. In fact, he seemed indifferent. 

On Monday, I was too busy sneaking glances at Woo Yeonho to notice, but by Tuesday, even when I looked at him openly, our eyes never met. The only time Woo Yeonho came near me was when he used the back door of the classroom, and even when I ran errands to the teacher’s office, I didn’t encounter him.

My heart, which had been pounding just from seeing Woo Yeonho’s face because of that dream, gradually calmed down. The haziness in my head from the “what if” scenarios also subsided. It was a bit sad. My chest felt tight and painful, and it only got worse the more I looked at Woo Yeonho. Eventually, it became too difficult to even look at him. At night, tears would come to my eyes, and I no longer heard Woo Yeonho’s laughter or his whispering voice.

I never thought I’d find myself in a situation like a jilted protagonist in a drama or movie, but there I was, wallowing in misery.

I realized that my desire to be special was stronger than I thought. It was so pathetic. Of course, Woo Yeonho was a perfect being with nothing to lose, but I was not. I hated how I trembled at his glance, a single word, or a simple gesture.

If he knew I had such a dream and such ridiculous thoughts, he would surely laugh at me. Or, being Woo Yeonho, he might just ignore it. After all, he was probably tired of people trying to catch his eye. He was constantly surrounded by people vying for his attention.

‘Am I really such a fool that I haven’t learned anything from this?’

Once again, I had to face the reality of just how insignificant and distant I was to Woo Yeonho.