ABM CH11

Chapter 11. I Wish It Were All Real

I kissed Woo Yeonho. It was even the second time, and we were outside. When he pressed his lips to mine, time seemed to freeze, and I fell into deep confusion.

‘Does Woo Yeonho often kiss friends like this?’ 

I had heard that in foreign countries, people greet each other with a kiss. But this isn’t a foreign country, and Woo Yeonho and I aren’t even friends, right? Did he just find my reaction from the last time amusing and wanted to tease me again? But still, who would kiss someone in the middle of the street just to tease them? What if someone saw? There might be rumors about Woo Yeonho liking guys. But that’s not it. But did he really do it just to tease me? 

This time, he even licked my lips, tasting them with his tongue…

‘No, no… Why does he keep kissing me?’ 

I had heard that people greet each other with kisses in foreign countries. But this is Korea, and Woo Yeonho and I aren’t even friends…

I didn’t even realize I was repeating what I had just thought, and eventually, I gave up thinking altogether. Woo Yeonho was right in front of me, and he kept touching me, which made it impossible to concentrate. 

My heart was racing too fast. Woo Yeonho was doing nothing to help my heart that might have been sick; in fact, he was a wicked monster causing me harm. Soon, that wicked Woo Yeonho’s hand swept over my nape.

“…Hik…”

It was so ticklish that I unintentionally let out a strange sound. I shrank my neck like a turtle and tried to defend myself from Woo Yeonho’s hand reaching my nape. I didn’t have a mirror, but I was sure I looked ridiculous in his eyes.

“I think your face is going to explode, Seungwoo yah.”

Despite taking the liberty to kiss me, Woo Yeonho said that with an unfazed and almost shameless expression. For him, that kiss might just be a trivial thing, but for me, it was something precious, something I might only get to experience once in a dream. 

It felt frustrating that it was something that could make my heart stop. I felt like I needed to respond, but every time I tried to speak, my throat tightened, and only after taking a moment to catch my breath could I slowly get my words out.

“What if… what if someone saw…?”

“It’s okay. No one saw.”

“Th-that’s a lie…”

“It’s not a lie. You don’t trust me, Seongwoo?”

I don’t trust you! Woo Yeonho was laughing joyfully, giving me ridiculous answers before I could even finish my sentences. I couldn’t tell if I was talking to a living person or a programmed computer. 

When I didn’t respond, Woo Yeonho leaned in again and asked belatedly,

“Can I do it again?”

He was going to do whatever he wanted anyway, so I risked a sore neck and shook my head vigorously. Fortunately, Woo Yeonho’s lips didn’t meet mine again, but the wicked hand that was bad for my heart was still stuck to me, refusing to let go. It didn’t just stay; it lingered as if it had no intention of leaving, and that lingering touch was relaxed and leisurely.

With my perfect defense in place, his hand, which had been on my neck, now softly and persistently tickled my ear like it was holding a feather. I wondered if he had some kind of fetish. Wherever Woo Yeonho’s hand touched, it tickled unbearably, and despite my efforts to hold on, I eventually squeezed out a voice that barely emerged.

“Th-thats enough…”

Even though I thought my trembling voice sounded pitiful, Woo Yeonho pretended not to hear and completely ignored it.

“Ah…”

Woo Yeonho sighed in a voice so small that it was barely audible. It was something I wanted to do, yet he was the one who sighed. Before I knew it, Woo Yeonho was standing in front of me, playing with his messy hair instead of the awkwardness of our previous interaction, muttering to himself.

“Seriously, why are you so cute?”

It was such a quiet voice that I felt like I wouldn’t have heard it if it weren’t directed at me.

‘What’s so cute? I’m only standing here because of him…’

Feeling wronged, I rolled my eyes to find what Woo Yeonho found cute. I raised my head slightly and turned it this way and that, looking for something that might warrant such a description, and I heard a ticklish laugh.

“What are you looking for?”

“…Just…”

Woo Yeonho, with a bright smile on his face, pinched my cheeks and shook them.

“Do you act this cute with other people too?”

He said this with an expression as if I were truly adorable.

“Ah…”

Before answering that, I suddenly thought that it would be nice if Woo Yeonho’s current face, his eyes that held me, his gentle voice, and his pretty smile were all real.

‘How wonderful would that be?’

No, it was too much to explain with just the word “wonderful.” My heart was so full that no expression would seem sufficient.

How do people in dramas love each other? What does that feel like? How can I make him like me? To get him to look only at me, to make this guy fall for me…

A sharp pain shot through just below my chest, and I took a deep breath, tensing my stomach. It was an impossible scenario. I wasn’t pretty, I was a guy, and I wasn’t particularly smart either. Even if I were a girl, I didn’t think Woo Yeonho would care about me. There was no way he would like me as a guy. No matter what I did, there would never, ever be a chance for Woo Yeonho to like me.

“Why are you about to cry all of a sudden?”

Woo Yeonho asked, his laughter fading from his face. His hand, which had been pinching my cheek, gently cupped my face. I wasn’t crying, nor did I intend to, but Woo Yeonho was babbling nonsense.

“Is it that unpleasant? Are you worried about who might see us?”

“…..I’m not crying…”

My voice came out a bit strange because my nose felt stuffy. It seemed like my throat was a little tight too, but I still wasn’t trying to cry. Yet, Woo Yeonho continued to insist.

“Seungwoo yah, your eyes are red right now.”

“No… This, this is just…”

“Were you really surprised?”

“…”

“I’m sorry.”

Woo Yeonho apologized. I felt like I understood what he was apologizing for, but at the same time, I didn’t.

‘Is it for teasing me? Or because he doesn’t like me?’

Either way, I felt miserable. Woo Yeonho rubbed under my eyes with his thumb. There was a damp sensation, and I wondered if it had started to rain.

That made me briefly close and open my eyes, and the sight of Woo Yeonho’s face looked awkward. His always pretty smile was absent, and he just seemed indifferent. It was just like when I’d seen him from afar. He looked like Woo Yeonho, always close yet feeling strangely distant.

‘…No, it’s more than that… What kind of expression is that? It’s a face I’ve never seen before.’

That thought sent a shiver down my spine. I pushed Woo Yeonho’s hand away as if scraping it off and rubbed my eyes vigorously.

“I……I’m going home now…”

“Wait a minute, Seungwoo yah.”

“You……….You should go home quickly too.”

In the end, I ran off, leaving Woo Yeonho behind. I think I ran faster than when I rushed to the school gym today. Every time my legs felt heavy, I pushed myself to run even faster, worried that Woo Yeonho would catch up. 

I crossed the narrow road, ignoring the traffic signals, and almost collided with a bicycle that suddenly popped out in the alley. Like I was sprinting a 100-meter dash, I dashed home over a not-so-short distance and felt like my heart was about to explode. I ignored my mom’s voice softly asking if I was back as I locked my bedroom door and finally let out a heavy breath.

“Ha… Ha…”

The aftermath of running while trying to bear the exhaustion hit me all at once, and I slumped against the door. Burying my face in my arms seemed to provide a bit of comfort. I stayed like that until my breath, which had been making a metallic sound, calmed down.

When I looked up, the window outside, which I hadn’t covered with curtains, was completely dark. Only then did thoughts of Woo Yeonho resurface.

‘He must be so flustered.’

It wasn’t supposed to happen that suddenly. We could have hang in there a little longer, say goodbye, and then meet again tomorrow. Why did he have to kiss me? Why was he being so affectionate? Why did he treat me like I was something special?

Everything was because of Woo Yeonho. The reason I could think of nothing but him right now was entirely his fault.

I really didn’t want to go to school tomorrow.

***

Even when my mood was at rock bottom, I was still hungry. My little sister tempted me with pizza that she had bought in the living room, and despite my initial resistance, I somehow found myself holding a slice of pizza and sipping cold cola.

‘Right, what does Woo Yeonho matter?’

There were plenty of things that could boost my happiness, not just him. Just filling my stomach with delicious food like this could make me as happy as eating a meal with Woo Yeonho and talking about nonsense.

‘…But Woo Yeonho doesn’t eat things like hamburgers; I wonder if he eats pizza?’

Maybe he doesn’t eat that kind of food at all.

‘That’s why he’s so tall and fit…’

I found myself looking down at my stomach without realizing it. Though it was hidden under my clothes, I had the body of a child with absolutely no muscle. Standing next to Woo Yeonho, I suddenly felt embarrassed, fearing I’d be too much in comparison.

“Aren’t you going to eat more?”

“I’m done eating.”

“You barely finished one piece! Didn’t you skip dinner?”

“…It’s not tasty.”

The eyes of my family widened in disbelief at my strange response. 

Did I say something odd? Did I unconsciously mention Woo Yeonho? No, I hadn’t even mentioned him once. My little sister was clueless enough not to pick up on anything, but what if my mom knew?

“…Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I just… have never seen you say something isn’t tasty.”

“Is our son sick?!”

Suddenly treated like a patient, I handed over the remaining slice of pizza to my dad and returned to my room. I flopped down on my bed without turning on the light and rubbed my face against the blanket. Since it had warmed up, my mom had given me a new blanket that smelled faintly of sun-dried fabric. That scent was so comforting. I closed my eyes, letting them flutter shut completely.

Were my eyelids this heavy? I needed to go apologize to Woo Yeonho for suddenly acting up. But I knew that was all because of him. I shouldn’t have gone over like that. Should I send a message? He might not pick up the phone. He could be mad at me. Would he accept my apology if I said sorry at school tomorrow? What if he pretended not to know me?

‘…Ah, I don’t know. My head hurts, and my stomach aches.’

It seemed I might really have gotten sick from eating all of Woo Yeonho’s ice cream. I decided to postpone saying sorry to him until tomorrow, using my stomachache as an excuse.