BB Ch 35

“Go in. I will come on Friday morning.”

“Yes, see you then.”

“…You’ve been feeling weak since before.”

Choi Sung-hoon wrinkled his brow as if worried about me and looked at my face carefully. I tried to smile brightly and keep talking a while ago, but I’m not sure how it came out.

“But I’m full of energy? Maybe it’s because I’m a little sleepy.”

“Let’s go to the hospital on Friday.”

“Even if you’re healthy. Choi Sung Hoon, you should go. People who don’t usually go to the hospital and are in good health are suddenly struck down by a major illness.”

“We can go together.”

Choi Sung-hoon bowed his head and kissed my lips.

I clenched my fists and tried not to hug him as our rough, warm lips met and parted.

After sending Choi Sung-hoon, I sat down in front of the front door.

Choi Sung-hoon delicately arranged the things his parents took care of in the refrigerator and various places in the kitchen.

I didn’t know it when I first met him. He was such a kind and sweet person.

I thought he was just a psychopath gangster who was angry about his brother’s accident.

He’s such a sweet person, so I’m sure an Omega will be happy to marry him.

I scratched my cold chest as I exhaled harshly.

‘To that person, Seo-yu si is just a joke for a moment. Not just a dominant, especially if it’s extremely dominant. Each has its own territory.’

I would have been misunderstood if Ho-in hadn’t advised me before. Maybe it was about me.

I’m glad to hear about this today.

A dry and sad laugh kept leaking out.

Marriage.

He was getting married

…After making me fall in love with you.

After cratching my chest, I realized my mind was unstable and jumped to my feet. I found a tranquilizer in the drawer next to my bed and ate whatever I could get my hands on.

My counselor advised me to take a tranquilizer as soon as possible when I was extremely unstable. Because I’m not sure what I’m going to do.

But I didn’t seem to get better even after eating it.

There were many things I wanted to ask him.

That person must be a good Omega, right?

You already have a baby?

When were you going to tell me?

When my heart ready?

Were you saying that you could break up with me at any time because I’m just a sex partner?

Ah… Shit.

Life was so crazy that I couldn’t bear it.

My head hurts, my chest hurts, and my stomach hurts as well. It hurt as if someone was ripping my intestines, I wrapped my arms around my stomach and leaned against the bed. I took a deep breath and thought.

I couldn’t help but love.

It was irresistible.

It was his fault for being too kind to someone like me while he had someone to marry.

It was the first time someone was so kind to me… I was so lonely.

Even today, he was a person who told me that I could cry while hugging me tightly, and I couldn’t help but fall in love.

I’d never felt such pain before. I had always met lightly, fallen in love lightly, and then broken up, but I had no idea that love was like this.

There was nothing I could do about it.

I was so miserable that I reached out to the open drawer and took out a can of sleeping pills. I tried to eat as much as I could, but there was only one pill left inside.

I swallowed the sleeping pill and closed my eyes while clutching my aching stomach, which felt like it was being torn apart… Something cold caught my foot.

I opened my eyes with difficulty.

It was a black river.

Black and cold water covered the floor and invaded the room.

I struggled to climb onto the bed. The floor of the room was already obscured by the river.

Just as fate tells you to know your situation at the happiest moment.

A cold wave came from afar, expanding its territory. To swallow me up without a second thought…

* * *

I woke up in a cold sweat. I couldn’t sleep because my stomach hurt so much. I struggled to get up, knowing that a single injection given by the hospital could completely eliminate the pain, as opposed to the pain reliever available at the pharmacy.

I washed up and was getting ready to leave when I received a call from Choi Sung-hoon. After some thought, I responded…

“Hello.”

– Did you just wake up? Your voice is hoarse.

“Yes… just now.”

– It’s eleven o’clock. Have you left yet?

I wondered how he knew I was going to the hospital, and then I remembered that I had told him I would meet my relatives on the second and third days of the holiday. Choi Sung-hoon said he couldn’t come with me because he was going to meet his relative as well.

“I am going in the afternoon. My relative’s house is also in Seoul.”

– Well… I’m off this morning.

“Rest well. It’s also difficult to deal with relatives and adults.”

– It’s not particularly difficult, but… May I take you?

“What? No, no. You said it was you were in Busan.”

– It doesn’t matter. There’s plenty of time until the afternoon.

“I’m sorry, I can’t.”

Choi Sung-hoon stopped asking after I repeatedly refused. He said he was bored because he didn’t have anything to do until the afternoon. I resisted the urge to ask if he was going to marry the person he was dating or the person chosen by his family

“What are your hobbies, Choi Sung-hoon ssi? It’s a long holiday, so enjoy your hobbies.”

– I don’t know. Hobby…

“Something you usually do during your free time. Like watching a movie, reading, or playing an instrument.”

After reciting it, it seemed that Choi Sung-hoon was 10 billion light-years away. But now I understand. He appears to be capable of playing people’s screams, but he may actually be someone who was capable of playing romantic instruments such as the violin.

– What’s your hobby, Seo-yu ssi? I want to try what you do.

“…”

I couldn’t answer. I’m always interested in what other people do in their spare time. What on earth was I doing with my time… I think dating was my favorite hobby.

“If it were me, I think I would just sleep. Sleep is the best medicine.”

– That’s right. Are you feeling okay today? I didn’t want to talk about it because I thought you might not be ready, but my mother told me the reason why Seo-yu ssi was upset…

– Director.

Choi Sung-hoon was called by someone next to him to talk.

He wasn’t alone. Was he with the Omega he was going to marry? I hear him address Choi Sung-hoon by his rank, he must be a subordinate. You said you were bored at home alone.

“You seem busy, so I’ll hang up.”

– Oh, Seo-yu ssi. Just a second-.

The inside of my stomach tingled again. I hung up the phone before he finished speaking.

Then I sat still.

I couldn’t think of anything.

I was just sitting there when the vibration of my phone startled me awake. At first glance, I thought the phone’s screen was broken.

6:30 p.m.

I had been sitting blankly for nearly seven hours. I’ve often been blacked out like this since 10 or 11 years ago, but I think this was the first time this winter.

The source of the vibration that woke me up was the chat room of Choi Sung-hoon’s family. I did not enter it so that the ‘unread’ mark does not disappear.

I left the house with a sore back. I brought the owner’s grandfather a holiday gift, the house was buzzing with the arrival of his grandchildren, and the grandfather had a bright smile on his face.

The owner’s grandfather then gave me a Korean beef set.

I was going to grill the Korean beef, but I got nauseated and decided to put it away.

The fruits brought from Choi Sung-hoon’s home were edible. I ate five apples bigger than my fist in one sitting. Then I got an upset stomach and couldn’t sleep properly.

On the last day of the holiday, I felt even more down.

I’d been feeling uncomfortable since the morning and there was some blood coming out from my bottom. I found a nearby hospital, made a reservation, and then left the house.

I got a call from Choi Sung-hoon, but I didn’t answer it.

I haven’t received it for the seventh time since last night.

Shit, I should’ve told him to contact the Omega, who will marry him instead. They said you had a child.

I can chew on Choi Sung-hoon.

Because I was broken hearted.

The broken heart wasn’t as miserable and sad as I thought. All the breakup songs that just flow out were like my story. It seemed like the sky was crying, all of a sudden my body began to ache here and there. I could see a black river or hear the sound of the river’s ripples, and I just lose the will to live.

I became so helpless that it was hard to believe that it had only been two days.

I got on the bus to the hospital and looked out the window blankly. The phone kept vibrating. Choi Sung-hoon kept sending messages when I didn’t answer the phone.

Ha… I told you to call your Omega. I should change the saved name as well. Because it would be rude to his spouse.

My lower stomach continued to hurt, so I wrapped my arms around it. When I picked up my phone to turn off the annoying vibration, there was a message from Won-jo on it.

Won-jo [It’s good today for alcohol, go? My treat.]

There was nothing good about today. It was so gloomy.

[I broke up…]

Won-jo [Hahahaha]

Won-jo [It went pretty long.]

Won-jo [Hahaha]

Won-jo [Let’s have a drink.]

Fuck you bastard… Won-jo laughed and giggled looked like he was in a good mood, but when I reject his invitation, he got sulky and cursed me.

The ○○ psychiatric clinic was quite far from the bus stop. The first place I went to was convenient because it was close to the subway station, but it was closed since it was a holiday.

The parking lot near the building’s entrance was completely full. This was due to a lack of psychiatric clinics open during the Lunar New Year holiday. Despite the fact that my arrival was delayed, I arrived earlier than expected. I intended to go to internal medicine after receiving sleeping pills, but I should have gone to internal medicine first.

I walked on a nearby well-kept walkway because I had nothing better to do. But my back began to hurt so badly that I had to stop. My stomach ached so badly that my hands trembled and I couldn’t catch my breath. While trying to sit on the ground, I managed to sit on the bench and take a deep breath.

I rubbed my stomach and took out my phone. Ex-boyfriends’ holiday messages sparkled. Seeing a lot of red lights at a time when my heart was empty, I’m glad I didn’t block them. I also responded one by one, wishing them a Happy New Year.

Choi Sung-hoon’s family chat room was also on fire. The last message was [Meatball].

“…” 

I suddenly wanted to eat a meatball, so I immediately started walking. There was a market near the hospital, but only one stand opened. I sat at the inner table and ordered meatballs and a variety of pancakes.

“A bottle of soju, please.”

“Oh, my. Student. Do you drink in the middle of the day?”

“I’m craving for a little drink today.”

The boss brought me makgeolli. It was the first time I went to the stand in broad daylight on the last day of the Lunar New Year holiday to drink makgeolli and eat meatball as a snack.

It was doable to break up with a heart. Except for the constant tingling pain in my lower abdomen.

I thought, tearing the pancake into pieces.

But why am I here today?

I was doing something and all of a sudden came to buy meatballs.

“…”

Ah, I’m finally crazy… Hospital.

I sighed and called the hospital. When the staff learned that I was canceling the reservation, they were delighted and quickly hung up. I stared blankly at the disconnected screen.

Can I still go to the doctor if I drank alcohol? I can go, right?

Part 2

However, after going to the hospital and getting injections, and taking medicine… What will change?

Just what would change as a result of this.

I drank the remainder of the makgeolli all at once and exited the stand. The boss asked if I wanted to wrap the rest of the pancake, but I declined. The boss and his wife, who looked like a couple, kicked their tongues and patted each other on the shoulder saying they knew this would happen because I left too much behind.

In an instant, my eyes widened.

My nose was pricked by the smell of meatballs. Earlier, I thought it would be delicious, but now I’m feeling nauseous.

I ran out of the market.

Not knowing where to go, I sat at the bus stop and watched the street.

People appeared and disappeared.

What was everyone doing? What was everyone doing to pass their time? What was a person who has no family, no lover, no friends do…

I know my future.

I’ll go through the motions of falling in love with a cool person like myself and then breaking up. Then I’d marry a divorced dominant Alpha introduced by my uncle.

It will be a constant reminder to me throughout my life. I’ll remember having a relationship with an undeserving person named Choi Sung-hoon for a while until the day I die.

When spring comes, a gentle and beautiful dominant Omega will be standing next to Choi Sung-hoon.

I would remain as a thing of the past, and would occasionally be used as a point of comparison, praising the dominant Omega. As to how I constantly compare Choi Sung-hoon and my ex.  He’d discover that his wife was not the same as the recessive Omega he’d met briefly.

This was a very natural phenomenon.

I need to talk to Choi Sung-hoon.

Don’t waste your time on me anymore. Be faithful to your lover during this precious time.

Just then, Choi Sung-hoon received a call. I accepted it right away without any hesitation. When I got the call after the 23rd missed call, Choi Sung-hoon called my name one beat later.

-… Seo-yu ssi, is that right?

“Yes, it’s me.”

Choi Sung-hoon took a deep breath in response to my peaceful answer and then exhaled.

– Where are you right now?

His voice seemed to suppress his excitement and was so cold.

“I’m just at home.”

– I have confirmed that your house is empty.

“…”

– I came from Busan. Now, where are you?

“I’m at my relative’s house…”

I want to tell the damn soon-to-be-married person not to confuse me like this, but his cold tone makes me nervous.

– It’s a relative’s house.

Choi Sung-hoon laughed coldly. As if he knew it wasn’t.

– Why didn’t you answer your phone?

“I’ve been sleeping. How is Choi Seong-hoon doing? It’s the last day of the holidays.”

– My lover didn’t meet me, so I couldn’t spend it well.

…What was this man saying now?

I eventually thought I was hearing hallucinations in addition to the river’s sound.

– You didn’t answer your phone. I’m not sure if your hobby is to make me worried.

“…”

That was so cruel of him to me.

Officially, I’m still unaware that you have a lover whom you have promised to marry… Of course, I was going to reveal what I knew first.

My heart flared up with a ferocious rage.

You’re so mean. From his perspective, there isn’t anything too difficult to do. I’m not sure why I’m so sad. I must be insane.

– When are you going home?

“I’m not going home. I’m going to go to work from my relative’s house tomorrow, so don’t come to pick me up.”

– …

“From now on, I think it’s time to reduce contact. I’m originally a moral person, but Choi Sung-hoon shouldn’t be like this. Don’t you feel sorry for that person?”

– Did you drink… No, what are you talking about now?

Choi Sung-hoon’s voice sounded as if he was suppressing his anger. The low voice that sounded like a threatening beast was no longer frightening.

My stomach ached and throbbed. The headache also worsened.

“I heard everything that day. You’re getting married.”

– …Did you hear me talking to my parents?

“Yes, I overheard everything.”

– So that’s why… I don’t know if you’re angry. Why did you drink?

Choi Sung-hoon exhaled a stuffy breath as if he did not understand.

– Are you upset that I went ahead without telling you?

“I’m sorry. I know I don’t have the right to be angry, but my personality is basically trash. I didn’t mean to say things like this. I was trying to tell you not to waste your time. But I’m really curious, when did you plan to talk to me?”

My voice kept shaking. I felt resentful and sorry as I said it.

How ridiculous would it be from Choi Sung-hoon’s point of view, when he found out that the sex partner he was comfortable meeting with had his own feelings, married him, and then criticized him as if he had been betrayed? I was fed up with my ugly appearance.

– There seems to be a misunderstanding, Seo-yu ssi. I thought I would surprise you. Then you make such a special proposal-.

“You know what? Marriage is crazy.”

– …

“I’m sorry. I was about to go insane, but I’m really insane. I can’t do this to you.”

– Seo-yu ssi, where are you now?

“I just wanted to tell you to be happy. To be honest, I thought you were a gangster when I first saw you. You’re too tall, so shouldn’t you meet a taller Omega? The average height of the dominant Omega these days is 173cm, isn’t it too much of a difference? Shouldn’t it be 178 cm tall?”

– …

“I guess I’m drunk right now. I’ll hang up.”

– Don’t hang up.

Choi Sung-hoon said urgently.

I crouched down and encircled my stomach with my arm.

My stomach hurts so much, what should I do? “Ugh…” A groan comes out.

– Where are you now?

“My relative’s house.”

– What do you see around you?

“It’s a trash can. It smells like shit…”

I don’t know why I am doing this.

In my ears, Choi Sung-hoon told me to stay still and not hang up the phone.  I could have hung up by moving my fingers, but I didn’t.

I couldn’t move even if I wanted to.

It hurt as if my back was breaking. My head was also throbbing. I needed medicine. I need to take medicine.

A car came in front of me and stopped. It should be a bus. Several people came up to me while I was still wrapping my stomach and bending my upper body.

“… Are you okay?”

“Where is the pain…”

The voices of the kind people could be heard from time to time. I shook my head. One of them snatched my phone from my hand. “A thief…” I muttered helplessly. My stomach hurt so much.

“…Yes… an ambulance… It’s a place where you can’t catch a taxi… Are you nearby?…”

A good-looking thief talked to Choi Sung-hoon on the phone. Could this person be the Omega who would marry Choi Sung-hoon?

“…What? What…do you mean?”

The others were shocked when the thief spewed out in utter shock. Someone took off their coat to cover me and asked as to why I was dressed so thinly. I reached out to the thief.

Lastly, I wanted to talk to Choi Sung-hoon for the last time.

“He said he would come soon. Please wait a little bit.”

The thief took my hand.

No… damn it… Give me the phone, not your hand.

I was so sad that I couldn’t even say goodbye to Choi Sung-hoon.

But I held back my tears.

Someday it will pass. It will be a passing pain. Don’t cry so that you don’t feel ashamed when you think of it later.

I bit my lip and endured it, but the thief shoved something hard into my hand.

I raised my head. I slowly brought the cell phone in my hand to my ear.

– Seo-yu ssi, don’t lose your consciousness. I’m nearly there.

It was an urgent voice. He shouted something more, but I couldn’t hear it. He seemed to be speaking from a very distant place.

“Choi Sung-hoon ssi… You can’t ask me to come on your wedding day. I don’t think you would ask me anyway.”

He probably couldn’t hear me, but I just said it.

“No, actually… You can give me a wedding invitation. I’m going to wear a white customized dress suit.”

It breaks my heart to think of Choi Sung-hoon standing next to dominant Omega in the coolest outfit in the world, a white suit or white dress.

After muttering a few more words, my head was so dizzy that I couldn’t even sit straight, so I sat with my phone barely to my ear.

The noise of people talking around me gradually decreased.

Kiiiit.

The creaking of tires as torn apart could be heard in the distance.

Maybe there was an accident. I hope there’s no accident. I should’ve left with you then.

“Seo-yu!”

– Seo-yu!

The two voices in my ears overlapped.

It was the voice I wanted to hear the most right now, but at the same time, I didn’t want to hear it.

Someone shook my shoulder and I was immediately lifted up in the air. I barely lifted my eyelids in firm and familiar arms.

He had the same face as Choi Sung-hoon, but he was a man I had never seen before. Worry and anxiety… A person whose face was contorted with nervousness.

It was the first time I’d seen such an unusual expression.

Was it really Choi Sung-hoon? Did he come because he was worried about me? If that’s the case, how much trouble am I?

I wanted to apologize to him. The pain in my stomach, however, made me want to close my eyes, and the memory ended there.