WANL Ch 11

With difficulty, Hyunjae nodded. If the person he loved was inherently like this, he had to accept it. Even if it meant overlooking the “first” who received Nanyeong’s true affection.

In the end, Hyunjae saw himself completely broken, utterly dominated by Nanyeong. Perfectly molded to his tastes, with no other purpose in life but to crave love.

Like a dog waiting for its master.

After that, Nanyeong’s frequent outings continued unabated. Hyunjae always watched, torn apart, as Nanyeong engaged in what felt like infidelity but wasn’t.

…Infidelity.

If there were anyone in Nanyeong’s life who could be called a “mistress,” it would be Hyunjae himself. The thought left him with a bitter taste.

And so, he could only hope this hellish one-sided love would eventually dull.

Ꮺ

“I’ve taken leave in two weeks.”

Hyunjae lifted his gaze from the book he was reading and looked at Nanyeong.

It had been four days since Nanyeong last visited the officetel. For those four days, he had explained his absence as a business trip, but Hyunjae already knew the truth: Nanyeong had taken a quiet trip to a remote area in Namhae. Still, Hyunjae couldn’t even show his hurt feelings and could only stare at Nanyeong silently.

“So, does that mean we won’t see each other then?”

Faced with the sudden announcement, this was the only response Hyunjae could muster.

“Should we go on a trip?”

Nanyeong casually approached Hyunjae from behind the chair he was sitting in.

“A trip?”

Leaning back against the chair, Hyunjae tilted his head to look up at him. From his upside-down view, Nanyeong’s face came into view, and their eyes met. Smiling, Nanyeong pressed a kiss to Hyunjae’s forehead. Hyunjae closed his eyes and quietly accepted the gesture before asking calmly.

“Just the two of us?”

“Yeah. Aren’t you grateful?”

Hyunjae blinked slowly. The way Nanyeong spoke, as if Hyunjae should be thankful for the offer, nagged at his thoughts. Noticing this reaction, Nanyeong whispered in a low, deflated tone.

“What’s this… you’re not even surprised.”

“It’s just so sudden. And I don’t know why…”

“It’s your birthday.”

Nanyeong poked Hyunjae’s cheek as if to emphasize his words. Hyunjae’s mouth opened soundlessly.

“I want to go on a trip to the sea. And take a boat ride.”

“If it’s a boat… you mean a chartered yacht? I’ve never done that before either. When’s your birthday? I’ll make it happen as a gift.”

That past conversation flashed through Hyunjae’s mind.

Suddenly, he sat up straight like lightning, startling Nanyeong into stepping back a bit. But before Nanyeong could pull away further, Hyunjae wrapped his arms tightly around his waist, pressing his cheek against Nanyeong’s flat stomach.

As if he had been waiting for such a reaction, Nanyeong laughed softly, brushing Hyunjae’s tousled hair where it fell over his shirt.

“You remembered?”

“Yeah. Does it make you that happy?”

“It does.”

Still holding onto him, Hyunjae looked up at Nanyeong.

“I thought you were just saying it.”

“I only make promises I can keep.”

Of course. That was both Nanyeong’s greatest strength and his biggest flaw. He never made promises he couldn’t keep, and he always followed through on what he said. Just like he had been sticking to his initial promise not to get emotionally involved.

He was someone who never spoke of emotions lightly or gave false hope, but Hyunjae still chose to interpret his kindness as meaning he cared for him, at least to some extent. As long as it didn’t show outwardly, whatever Hyunjae imagined was his own business. Even the excitement he felt was fine as long as it wasn’t revealed.

“Are you going to throw me a birthday party too?”

Hyunjae asked. Nanyeong burst out laughing. It seemed he liked this submissive attitude.

“Of course.”

Nanyeong gently ran his fingers through Hyunjae’s neatly styled hair.

“So, you’re turning twenty-two now? I’ll make it a birthday you’ll never forget.”

As he spoke, he hugged Hyunjae even tighter, who was still clinging to him like a koala. Feeling the warmth of Nanyeong’s body through the thin layer of his white shirt, Hyunjae nuzzled his cheek against it. Birthdays, after all, were just one day out of 365, with no real significance. Until now, even considering a small celebration had felt like a luxury. But if it was something prepared by Nanyeong, Hyunjae wanted to accept it, no matter what it was.

“I’ve chartered a yacht for a week… Do you want to see the pictures? It’s pretty luxurious. You’ll like it.”

“I like everything.”

“Is there anyone you’d like to meet?”

“Someone I’d like to meet? Why…”

“Like a singer you’re a fan of. We could invite them to sing and hang out together.”

“I don’t need anything like that.”

Hyunjae turned his head vehemently. He wanted to be alone with Nanyeong at sea, uninterrupted, with no one else around.

Whether Nanyeong understood this or not, he seemed preoccupied with the thought that a birthday party with only two attendees might be unbearably dull. He kept trying to convince Hyunjae to invite more people. To this, Hyunjae said,

“Don’t even think about having fun at my birthday. I don’t like noise.”

It was, of course, a roundabout way of expressing his desire to be alone together.

“Got it. We’ll do as you want.”

Nanyeong nodded casually with a playful glint in his eyes. Then, leaning closer, he murmured softly,

“Just the two of us on a yacht… there’s only one thing left to do.”

Hearing that, Hyunjae stood abruptly, grabbed his cheek and neck, and kissed him deeply. He licked and sucked at the sensitive parts inside Nanyeong’s mouth, moving in ways both familiar and designed to elicit pleasure.

Hyunjae was like a well-trained dog, having learned exactly how to excite Nanyeong. And Nanyeong, in turn, knew precisely how to provoke Hyunjae’s desire.

As he held Nanyeong in his arms, the other man leaned into him, letting out soft, breathy moans that vibrated in his throat.

Later, Hyunjae couldn’t help but thoroughly inspect Nanyeong’s body with his hands and lips, just in case there were any traces left behind by someone else during their time apart. But as always, there were none. Especially when he hastily inserted his fingers inside, the dryness and tightness told him everything he needed to know.

When his unlubricated fingers entered, Nanyeong let out a raw, broken moan.

“Ah, it hurts…”

If nothing else, this was a space that clearly still belonged solely to him.

Ꮺ

The pivotal day began like any other.

Despite the fatigue from the previous night’s intimacy, Nanyeong was preparing to head to work. Hyunjae woke up alongside him, as usual, watching as he got ready for his day.

When Nanyeong buttoned up a stiff white shirt, the marks Hyunjae had left on his body with his mouth disappeared. As he pulled on his trousers over his long legs, Hyunjae remembered the last time they had been together. They’d foregone protection in the final round, leaving Nanyeong to deal with the aftermath himself in the morning. He likely had to scoop out the remnants during his shower.

Was it entirely cleaned out? Probably not. The thought made Hyunjae flush with heat as he bid Nanyeong goodbye with a lingering kiss.

Later, Hyunjae also prepared to leave the house. He donned the shirt and slacks that Nanyeong had given him, fastening a watch that was also a gift from him. His plan was to spend the morning exercising and then head to a favorite café near Nanyeong’s office in the afternoon to read.

Before leaving, Hyunjae grabbed a pair of glasses with non-prescription lenses as a subtle disguise—not that they were particularly effective. He just wanted to use something Nanyeong had bought him.

Arriving at the café in the early afternoon, Hyunjae placed his order with a familiar barista and settled into his usual spot. Just as he was about to dive into his book, his phone buzzed with a message from his mother.

The text, written with imperfect grammar, carried her usual warmth. She must have reached out because of his upcoming birthday. She expressed regret at not being able to make seaweed soup for him, prompting Hyunjae to check in on her. Visiting her on his birthday would have been nice, but he had already made plans with Nanyeong for a weeklong cruise that included his birthday.

Perhaps he could visit her afterward, he thought.

At that moment, a sleek black van with tinted windows passed by the café and entered the building complex where Nanyeong’s office was located. It was the kind of vehicle often used by celebrities. While it was a little odd to see such a vehicle in a business district, Hyunjae assumed it might belong to an advertising model for the company.

He quickly forgot about the van until the café atmosphere shifted. A buzz of murmurs filled the space, louder and more animated than usual.

Hyunjae turned his head slowly, puzzled. The staff cleaning the café, employees wearing ID badges, and other patrons were all fixated on the same spot.

“Isn’t that Yoon Jihoo? What’s he doing here?”

“He looks even better in person—so tall and handsome.”

“Yeah, height really makes a difference…”

It didn’t take long for Hyunjae to identify the source of the commotion. Based on the hushed excitement behind him, it was clear that a celebrity was placing an order at the counter. Hyunjae recalled the black van he had seen earlier.

“I need to make a call,” the celebrity said to his manager, showing his phone before turning around.

The moment Hyunjae saw his face, a chill ran down his spine for reasons he couldn’t explain.

Hyunjae’s eyes hardened slightly beneath his glasses. The man stretched his long legs and swiftly crossed in front of Hyunjae’s line of sight.

“Ah, Nanyeong. Hold on a second. I’ll take this outside. I’m almost there…”

The name that came from the man’s mouth was familiar.

It wasn’t a common name.

Hyunjae tried to turn his creaking head back to the book in front of him. The man who had stepped outside to avoid the stares of the café patrons stationed himself just outside the window near Hyunjae’s seat. As Hyunjae lowered his gaze back to his book, the man’s shoes came into view—shoes with a design that looked oddly familiar.

As if compelled by something, Hyunjae raised his eyes slightly. Slacks paired with a casual shirt. Even the watch on his wrist looked familiar.

Hyunjae slowly withdrew his own wrist under the table. His heart was pounding inexplicably. Everything he was wearing—his clothes, his accessories—seemed to mirror that man’s style to an unsettling degree, almost as if he were imitating him.

Adjusting his glasses, Hyunjae lowered his head further. A strange cold sweat broke out over his body.

Moments later, the café door swung open, allowing the noise and air from outside to pour in. Once again, the patrons’ gazes converged on one point, but Hyunjae couldn’t bring himself to look. The man strode confidently back across the café, seemingly indifferent to the attention he attracted.

“I’ll be heading up now. Can you bring the coffee to the van later?”

“Sure, sir. Go ahead with your business.”

“I’ll call you later.”

Even after the man had completely left, Hyunjae couldn’t lift his head. He remained frozen, unable to rise from his seat for a long time.

Whether he intended it or not, anyone who saw him would assume he was a copy of that man.

Ꮺ

Hyunjae returned to his apartment in hurried strides, slamming the door behind him.

Without turning on the lights, he retreated to his room and began searching for everything he could find about someone named Yoo Jihoon. The information was endless. Without knowing what he hoped to discover or expect, Hyunjae absorbed the barrage of information on the screen with trembling pupils.

“Ah, Nanyeong. I’m near your place.”

He hoped he had misheard it, that he had mistaken the name for something similar. But the more he searched, the more ominous his certainty grew. The names of the middle and high schools Yoo Jihoon had attended were familiar. They matched the schools listed in Nanyeong’s educational background. Searching their names together brought up old articles hinting at a personal connection between the two.

Hyunjae stared at the photo of Yoo Jihoon on his phone with bloodshot eyes. He recognized that face.

“Don’t you get told you look like someone?”

“You really have a similar vibe.”

Comments he’d heard before. A man with a kind, gentle expression that seemed to speak with his eyes.

Hyunjae stared unblinkingly at the man’s face on the screen. He remembered how he used to look at his own reflection, mottled with water stains, and think it was too pitiful to be compared to such a man.

But what about now? Hyunjae raised his gaze.

In the dim room where the last rays of sunlight filtered through, his face was half-illuminated in the slanted light reflecting off the mirror.

The hairstyle Nanyeong had suggested would suit him, the neatly groomed brows, the smooth, subtly radiant skin peeking out from beneath his half-exposed forehead. Every piece of clothing and accessory he wore had been chosen and placed on him by Nanyeong.

What had Nanyeong done to him? Every shred of evidence was etched plainly in the mirror.

“Playing dress-up with a doll.”

Hyunjae had unwittingly been a part of his doll-playing all this time.

And while he had been riddled with countless doubts—wondering whether Nanyeong was someone who gave generously to those he cared for, whether he held a little affection for him, or if his show of attachment was because Hyunjae was still useful—all of that pondering had been meaningless.

The clear water pooled in Hyunjae’s eyes as he stared at his reflection, realizing how all his past turmoil had been futile.

“If I’m going to date someone, I prefer a blank slate.”

The words Nanyeong had once said echoed in his ears.

He had been a stand-in. A substitute to mimic someone else.

Finally, everything clicked into place like a completed puzzle.

He had always wondered what lay behind the desire in Nanyeong’s gaze. It wasn’t love. Approaching him with the words “I wanted to sleep with someone like you,” drunkenly confessing affection only once, impulsively…

“Ugh… h-hk…”

It was clear now. Hyunjae finally understood what Nanyeong had been seeing in him all along.

Though no one was there to hear, Hyunjae cried quietly out of habit. His shoulders trembled slightly. Swallowing his tears, Hyunjae bit his lips so hard they turned pale. Eventually, his lips, caught between his teeth, split open, and small beads of clear blood pooled. The mixture of tears running down his cheeks and the blood seeped into his mouth.

The reason he stayed silent was that he didn’t want anyone to notice he’d been hurt.

He didn’t even want to admit to himself that he’d been hurt by such a ridiculous relationship.

After a long time, in the room that had become completely dark, Hyunjae finally managed to swallow all his tears and lift his head. His palm was red and marked from how tightly he had been gripping his phone.

If only he hadn’t come to like him so much, he wouldn’t be crying like this now.

It was because he’d so easily given his heart, knowing nothing.

Nanyeong probably wouldn’t come here today either.

Taking deep, repeated breaths, Hyunjae got up from his seat. His body, stiff from staying in the same position for so long, wavered slightly. He stretched his legs and washed up as usual.

When he splashed cold water from the shower over his body, the shock seemed to slowly restart his frozen thoughts. Hyunjae took a deep breath again. His chest, wet with running water, rose and fell heavily. Even though he poured cold water with no warmth, his body heated up so much that steam seemed to rise from him.

Every meal and drink outing had likely been with that man. Around the time Nanyeong’s visits to his officetel had noticeably decreased, Yoo Jihoon’s drama filming had wrapped up. The cracks from his wounds began to fill with jealousy. Even the excuse of a business trip for the trip to Namhae—Nanyeong had gone there with Yoo Jihoon. Among Yoo Jihoon’s Instagram feed was a photo of a hotel pinned in Namhae.

Quietly washing himself and leaving the bathroom, Hyunjae went to bed alone. The room was silent, and in that silence, Hyunjae’s anger and hurt seeped quietly into the stillness.

Before falling asleep, Hyunjae opened the secret folder on his phone and looked at the photos of Nanyeong he had saved. Instead of touching Nanyeong’s face while he was asleep, which he didn’t dare do, he gently stroked the face on the screen with his thumb.

Nanyeong had always said, “You’re responsible for your own emotions.”

That attitude had made Hyunjae truly feel as though he was in the wrong, forcing himself to suppress his feelings. In their relationship, where they’d agreed not to get emotionally entangled, Hyunjae was always the lesser party for breaking that promise.

But liking someone couldn’t be a sin.

It wasn’t something one could control.

In contrast, Nanyeong had approached this relationship with a clear purpose and intention.

Even the way he skillfully concealed his petty sides must have been deliberate.

Probably to conveniently use people without any guilt.

So, in this relationship, who was truly at fault?