WANL Ch 19

After their last meeting at the hotel lounge, there had been no contact from Nanyeong.

Hyunjae, once again plagued by an intense aftermath, struggled to return to his daily routine. Even after tossing and turning over thoughts of Nanyeong and barely sleeping for hours, he would mechanically get up at the appointed time, prepare breakfast, and head to the study room. Instead of studying, he repeatedly scribbled Nanyeong’s name in an empty notebook, drawing circles around it and erasing it frantically. Sometimes, he would take out his phone and stare at the photos he had taken, hoping to vividly recall the intense look in Nanyeong’s eyes when they spoke.

The only reason Hyunjae faithfully went to the study room despite being unable to concentrate was the fear of falling apart entirely if he didn’t. If he abandoned even this, the only thing left for him to do would be to wait for a message from Nanyeong.

It had been a long time since Jung Hyunjae’s mind and heart were consumed by him. Yet Hyunjae, astute as he was, fully understood that love would not take responsibility for his life. What truly terrified him was the thought of having absolutely nothing left when he was genuinely left alone.

And so, Hyunjae was making an effort to regain his orbit.

He suddenly thought of the asteroid that had supposedly caused the extinction of the dinosaurs. Perhaps Nanyeong’s existence was something akin to that. A small rock from the cosmos, colliding with the Earth, which had silently continued its rotations and revolutions.

Hyunjae imagined the scene of a rough, barren stone hurtling toward the Earth, drawn by gravity, and crashing into the ocean with full force. In that instant, a massive column of water would rise from the deep sea, and tsunamis would spread. The impact would generate seismic waves that shook the land, while the shattered fragments of rock scattered into the sky. Each piece would light up the heavens with billions of pulses of heat, blindingly brilliant before melting away. The Earth’s surface would heat to thousands of degrees, scorching everything alive and leaving deep scars.

The dinosaurs had perished. For one species, it was the end, but the Earth continued its rotations and revolutions, adhering to the unchanging laws of the universe. The asteroid’s collision hadn’t altered the Earth’s orbit.

Hyunjae believed his life was no different. Meeting Nanyeong had caused a massive shock, but it hadn’t significantly altered the trajectory of his life. A deep hole had formed in his heart, and his definition of love had been rewritten, but life went on.

How could he not understand the allure of the most dazzling, wonderful things Nanyeong had shown him? But living like that forever was impossible. He couldn’t afford to lose his sense of reality, adjusting to luxury and beauty while forgetting his place.

Hyunjae knew his limits. He also knew he needed to return to his rightful place. He had to reacquaint himself with the rattling buses and subways, not the imported car with its different feel to the seats. Before meeting Nanyeong, he had dated women; perhaps one day, he would forget him and have a healthy relationship again.

Just like everyone else… a normal life.

Hyunjae didn’t quite know what a normal life was. Still, he planned to strive with all his might to live like everyone else. However, the thought of having to follow his own uncharted path, with no one to guide him and no previous experience to rely on, felt endlessly daunting.

Ꮺ

“Oppa, do you ever take online courses?”

Eunji, who had dropped by the restaurant kitchen as usual, skipped greetings and jumped straight to her question.

Hyunjae, in the middle of some prep work, greeted her with a nod and replied, “I looked into it, but they’re expensive.”

“Want to use my ID?”

Her suggestion caught Hyunjae off guard.

“Isn’t account sharing against the rules?”

“Everyone does it, so what?”

Recently, Eunji had learned that Hyunjae was a third-year exam retaker. He had no choice but to tell her when she kept pestering him to go out for drinks, explaining that being a student made it hard to spare the time. Since then, her invitations to drink had lessened, but her other gestures of support had increased.

“It’s okay. I appreciate the thought.”

“No, seriously, they never catch you! I’m already in college, so I don’t even need it anymore. I’ve already paid for a ton of courses, and it’d be a waste to just let them sit there. Just use mine from now on.”

Her persistent persuasion started to sway Hyunjae. He had been interested in online courses but had refrained because of the cost. If it truly posed no risk, borrowing her account didn’t seem like a bad idea.

“Honestly, can you really get into college by just solving problem books without attending academies or hiring tutors?”

“That’s right.”

Hyunjae gave a bitter smile. He hadn’t expected to get into his dream college on the first try, but at this rate, getting into one of the top-tier universities he’d aimed for in high school seemed impossible.

“Here, give me your phone. I’ll share the login info.”

Hyunjae obediently pulled out his old phone from his pocket. Upon seeing the model, Eunji let out a sharp gasp.

“Oh my gosh, what kind of ancient relic is this? I used something like this back in elementary school!”

“It’s a bit old, yeah.”

Hyunjae replied sheepishly, prompting Eunji to look at him with a mix of amusement and pity.

“Old isn’t the problem—it might not even support video playback! Well, let’s give it a try anyway.”

As expected, Hyunjae’s outdated phone couldn’t properly play the online courses. While Eunji pondered what to do, her brows furrowed in thought, Hyunjae quietly stood up and rummaged through his bag.

“How about this?”

What he pulled out was the phone Nanyeong had given him. He had only used it for its original purpose—to stay in touch with Nanyeong. Even during times when there were no messages, carrying it with him had become a habit.

Eunji’s eyes widened in surprise at the sudden appearance of a sleek, latest-model phone.

“What’s this? You use two phones?”

“I don’t really use this one much.”

“The more I get to know you, the more mysterious you become….”

Hyunjae responded with a faint smile as Eunji tilted her head in curiosity.

“Okay, let’s connect to the Wi-Fi first… Oh? Oppa, you have Instagram?”

A notification had popped up on the screen, and Hyunjae’s expression stiffened slightly as he noticed it.

“Can you share your ID with me too?”

“Hang on….”

Hyunjae quickly took the phone back from Eunji.

The Instagram account had been created long ago for a single purpose: to message Yoo Jihoon. Since it was a private account with no photos, there was no reason for any notifications to appear.

“Oppa, come on, share your ID with me!”

“Ah… I don’t actually use it.”

“So you just made it and left it? Then give me your phone number instead.”

“What? Why….”

“You have two phones, right? I’m asking for the number for this one, too.”

Before Hyunjae could react, Eunji snatched the phone from his hand and dialed her own number. Moments later, her phone rang. She grinned mischievously as their eyes met. Her hands were so quick that he didn’t have time to stop her.

She logged into the online course site and handed the phone back to him.

“See? Works perfectly on this phone. You’re welcome!”

“…Yeah.”

“If you’re grateful, buy me dinner.”

Hyunjae nodded absently while staring at the phone. From the moment he’d noticed the Instagram notification, his thoughts had been elsewhere. As Eunji cheered at the mention of dinner, Hyunjae pocketed the phone and stepped outside the shop.

“Where are you going?”

“Just stepping out for a bit.”

Outside, it had begun to drizzle. Standing under the eaves, Hyunjae unlocked the phone.

The last time he had properly used this phone was at the hotel lounge. Back then, he had briefly accessed it to delete some photos. Since then, he hadn’t taken it out of his bag even once—because there had been no messages from Nanyeong.

The new message had arrived just two days ago. The sender, unexpectedly, was none other than:

[Excuse me, but did you personally take that photo?]

[It seems like you had a reason for sending it to me. If it’s still relevant, could I hear what you wanted?]

[My friend might be in trouble because of this. I’ll make sure to compensate you properly.]

It was actor Yoo Jihoon.

A reply to his DM—months late. The unexpected content of the message made Hyunjae’s grip on the phone tighten.

Ꮺ

That evening, it rained.

What had been a light drizzle during the day turned into a heavy downpour by night. The rain seeped through Hyunjae’s hoodie, no longer enough to keep him dry. He hunched his shoulders and carefully avoided the puddles dotting the ground as he walked. The sharp contours of his broad shoulders darkened with the rain as the fabric absorbed the moisture.

When he reached the entrance of the villa, the dirty floor, smeared with mud and water, greeted him. Hyunjae pulled back the hood of his wet hoodie and shook it off before slowly ascending the stairs.

With each step, the staircase lights flickered on and off, following his movement.

“Why are you so late?”

The familiar voice made Hyunjae freeze in his tracks. Standing in front of his door was Nanyeong.

It was the first time he’d seen him since that encounter at the lounge. Leaning against the wall with one hand in his pocket, Nanyeong gazed at him, his head slightly tilted upward, his heavy-lidded eyes languid. For a moment, Hyunjae was struck still, reminded of their very first meeting.

Something had changed.

It didn’t take long for Hyunjae to realize what it was. Nanyeong no longer wore the cast on his arm. Without the evidence of his injury, the air of vulnerability that had clung to him was gone.

Hyunjae remained motionless, and the staircase lights flicked off, plunging the space into darkness. In the dim light, only the glint of Nanyeong’s damp eyes and watch were visible. Nanyeong shifted slightly, as if unsettled by the dark, and the lights flickered back on. Standing under the soft, amber glow of the halogen bulbs, Nanyeong licked his lips, wetting them with his tongue.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Nanyeong chuckled softly. There was something disheveled about him, Hyunjae thought. His unfocused eyes were uncharacteristically dull.

“Did you drink?” Hyunjae asked.

“No.”

Nanyeong took a step forward, his body swaying heavily. It was clear to anyone he was drunk. Hyunjae frowned.

“You didn’t even contact me.”

At those words, Nanyeong stopped and stared directly at him.

“Did you wait for me?”

“…….”

Hyunjae didn’t reply, but Nanyeong smiled as if he’d heard the answer he wanted.

“I didn’t know you’d been waiting.”

With that, Nanyeong let out a small, audible laugh. Though he claimed not to have been drinking, it was hard to believe him. Hyunjae looked away, his expression stiff.

“Why are you here?”

Hyunjae asked quietly as he moved past Nanyeong to unlock his door. He could feel Nanyeong openly watching him enter the passcode, making no effort to avert his gaze. Irritated, Hyunjae shielded the panel with his hand and quickly keyed in the code.

“I came because I wanted to see you,” Nanyeong murmured.

It was the same line as before. Hyunjae didn’t bother turning around and placed his bag down inside.

“Well, you’ve seen me. You can go now.”

“That’s cold. You’re the one who told me to come to your place,” Nanyeong said with a lopsided grin, his tone light but off.

Hyunjae turned around slowly, watching him closely. Something about Nanyeong felt off, his unsteady demeanor setting off alarm bells in Hyunjae’s mind. The timing of his sudden appearance, right after Yoo Jihoon’s message, didn’t seem like a coincidence.

All day, Hyunjae had been consumed by questions.

Why had Yoo Jihoon responded to his months-old message now?

Had Nanyeong asked him to? Could it be that the two of them had reconciled?

Or was this entirely Jihoon’s decision?

And if so, what was the reason behind his offer to negotiate?

Hyunjae hadn’t replied to Jihoon’s DM, uncertain about his intentions and unwilling to comply. He hadn’t expected Nanyeong to show up like this.

“Hyunjae.”

Before he could react, Nanyeong closed the distance between them, suddenly draping an arm over Hyunjae’s shoulder and leaning against him. Startled, Hyunjae stiffened as Nanyeong’s familiar scent brushed past his nose.

It was then that Hyunjae noticed something odd—despite how drunk Nanyeong appeared, there was no smell of alcohol on him.

For a split second, Hyunjae wondered if he might have taken something stronger than alcohol.

“Jung Hyunjae, I want to buy the photos from you. That’s why I came… to spend the night with you.”

“…….”

“About a hundred this time,” Nanyeong said, laughing softly as he draped an arm around Hyunjae’s neck. His tone was light, but Hyunjae exhaled a faint sigh.

“You’re ambitious,” Hyunjae replied.

“…”

“Don’t you think you’re a little late?”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Hyunjae regretted them. It might have sounded like he was complaining about the past few weeks when Nanyeong hadn’t shown up at all. To avoid further misunderstandings, Hyunjae deliberately lowered his voice.

“For someone who’s already cornered, you sure act like you own the place. You have no idea where you stand.”

“Huh?”

“You’re far too relaxed.”

Nanyeong looked up at him with a puzzled expression.

“The photos are already sold.”

It was a lie, of course. Hyunjae was fishing, trying to figure out what had been exchanged between Nanyeong and Yoo Jihoon, who had messaged him earlier today and prompted this sudden visit.

At that moment, Hyunjae saw the cracks forming in Nanyeong’s composure. The grin that had been lingering on his face disappeared, replaced by an incredulous stare.

“I’m tired. I’m going to sleep now, so leave.”

Hyunjae gently pushed Nanyeong toward the door, just like he had once before.

“Wait!”

As he stumbled back, Nanyeong lunged forward, squeezing his arm between the door and the frame just as it was about to shut. Alarmed, Hyunjae yanked the door open again, fearing that Nanyeong might injure his arm, which had only recently healed. Acting on reflex, Hyunjae blocked the doorway with his own body. Unaware of Hyunjae’s concern, Nanyeong clung to him desperately, shouting:

“You haven’t sold them! Not yet! Why are you lying?”

Hyunjae let out a hollow laugh.

“So you know already, huh?”

His voice was cold enough to freeze the air between them, and Nanyeong froze in place.

“So what, you’re here to sleep with me in a panic before I sell them off? After pretending I didn’t exist this whole time?”

“…”

“How predictable.”

A wave of déjà vu hit Hyunjae, leaving him exhausted. But what hit harder was the overwhelming disappointment he couldn’t put into words.

Nanyeong knew. He was aware that Yoo Jihoon had reached out to Hyunjae to buy the photos. Their connection wasn’t over yet, and that possibility ate away at Hyunjae. The bitter irony of it all made him furious—he had foolishly found solace in believing that Nanyeong’s messy breakup with his first love meant they’d never speak again. But tonight, Nanyeong had shattered that illusion by admitting their continued contact.

And yet, he hadn’t even shown his face to Hyunjae in weeks.

Clenching his fists, Hyunjae turned away.

“Ah—!”

Losing his balance, Nanyeong stumbled forward and fell onto the entryway floor. But Hyunjae didn’t look back, heading straight to the bathroom.

“Fifteen years is too long.”

The words stopped Hyunjae dead in his tracks.

“I’ll end it sooner than that. That’s why I came. If we go at it a few times a day, we could be done in a year or two. You’ll get tired of me, or I’ll burn out—one or the other. Until then…”

Hyunjae slammed the bathroom door shut before he could hear more.

His breathing, which he had barely kept steady, turned ragged. He turned on the shower and let cold water cascade over him, trying to regain his composure. Even after spending the entire day in cold rain, the heat in his head refused to subside.

By the time Hyunjae finished and emerged from the bathroom, the sight that greeted him was a mess.

“Unbelievable.”

Nanyeong was sprawled between the kitchen and the bathroom, curled up haphazardly on the floor. And to think he had insisted he wasn’t drunk. Hyunjae decided he was done caring. Treating Nanyeong like furniture, he spread out his bedding, turned off the lights, and lay down. Despite his best efforts to sleep, rest eluded him. But still, he kept his eyes shut and tried.

“…Hah,” he exhaled softly.

After a long while, a low sigh broke the silence, followed by the rustle of fabric. Nanyeong shifted and leaned against the wall. Hyunjae cracked one eye open, watching him.

For a moment, Nanyeong looked around sluggishly, as if confirming he had safely made it into Hyunjae’s apartment. Then, he finally took off his shoes, left them at the entrance, and stumbled toward Hyunjae. Quickly, Hyunjae shut his eyes again.

Standing over Hyunjae’s supposedly sleeping figure, Nanyeong let out another long sigh before heading toward the kitchen. The sound of the refrigerator opening and the glug of water being swallowed soon filled the air, followed by silence.

Suspicious of the sudden quiet, Hyunjae peeked again. There was Nanyeong, curled up on the floor near the sink, using his rolled-up jacket as a makeshift pillow. He couldn’t believe the man was actually trying to sleep right there. But before long, Nanyeong was snoring softly, fully asleep.

Was he seriously not planning to leave?

Though Hyunjae was tempted to ascribe meaning to Nanyeong’s unexpected appearance, he was tired of overanalyzing the man’s actions. Investing emotional energy in someone like Nanyeong felt like a fool’s errand—an exhausting reminder of past collisions that had left lasting scars.

After all, Nanyeong wasn’t the kind of person to tolerate sleeping in such discomfort for long.

“He’ll go home once he sobers up,” Hyunjae thought, resigning himself to his fatigue and the struggle to sleep.

Ꮺ

The next morning.

Blinking at the ceiling, Hyunjae let out a soft groan as he sat up. His head felt heavier than usual, likely from the restless sleep brought on by the previous night’s aggravations. Running his hand through his hair, he exhaled silently.

“…Haah.”

As he pressed his fingers against his tired eyes and stood, Hyunjae froze.

The man he’d assumed would be long gone was still there, sprawled out on the hard floor.

Even in the dimly lit apartment, his pale neck stood out starkly. The delicate skin beneath his eyes, faintly translucent, was framed by long, thick lashes, giving the impression of carefully applied makeup. The crumpled white shirt he wore resembled a peony petal dropped on the ground, stark against the cluttered and lived-in backdrop of the room.

Hyunjae knew he shouldn’t feel anything for this man—it was indulgent even to entertain the thought—but seeing him curled up like that sparked a flicker of pity. His fetal-like position, with hands clasped near his chest and his head resting on the makeshift pillow of his jacket, made him look vulnerable.

After a lingering glance, Hyunjae rose silently and headed to the kitchen.

He busied himself preparing breakfast, deliberately keeping his movements soft. Despite treating Nanyeong like a ghost the night before, he didn’t have the heart to wake him now with loud noises. Still, he couldn’t entirely stifle the sounds of clinking dishes or running water.

The leftover rice in the cooker had clumped together into one cold, dense mass. With only a single portion left, he poured water over it, transforming it into porridge to stretch it further. He added water to a nearly empty pot of stew, tossing in the half-block of tofu still in the fridge. Soon, the aroma of simple, reheated food filled the small space.

Behind him, he heard the faint rustle of movement. Pausing for a moment, Hyunjae realized Nanyeong had stirred and was now sitting up. The slight strain in his shirt formed deep creases as he moved. Just before he fully rose, Hyunjae turned back to focus on washing his hands under the cold water running in the sink.

He felt Nanyeong’s presence behind him. The man stood there, unmoving, as if staring at Hyunjae.

Why does he keep looking at me?

Though curious about Nanyeong’s intentions, Hyunjae had no intention of letting himself be played. If this was some half-hearted attempt to manipulate him again, he wouldn’t fall for it. This wasn’t a game of push and pull.

Finally, unable to bear the weight of the silent stare any longer, Hyunjae turned around.

Nanyeong, caught off guard, looked as though he’d been caught red-handed.

Hyunjae deliberately asked in a brusque tone, “What are you looking at?”

At his blunt question, Nanyeong seemed to snap out of it, lowering his gaze.

“Nothing.”

Now, instead of staring at Hyunjae, Nanyeong’s attention shifted to the shabby kitchen, scrutinizing the worn-out fixtures and mismatched items.

Ignoring him, Hyunjae went back to setting the table. He had long since stopped feeling ashamed of the poverty evident in his surroundings. The chipped tiles, the peeling laminate on the cabinets—none of it bothered him anymore. He even hoped Nanyeong would notice how out of place the oversized refrigerator, once a gift from him, looked in the small, cluttered space.

“Don’t just stand there. Set the table.”

Hyunjae gestured with his chin toward the small table. It was the same table he had used with his mother when she was still alive. Nanyeong, propped against the wall, fumbled awkwardly with it, clearly unaccustomed to such low tables.

By the time Hyunjae turned around with the pot of stew, now fully cooked, Nanyeong was still wrestling with the table legs. The struggle made it obvious he’d never had to deal with something so simple yet unfamiliar. A sigh escaped Hyunjae as he took the table from Nanyeong, snapping the legs into place with a firm click.

While Hyunjae set the table and placed each dish, Nanyeong’s voice broke the silence.

“Is this breakfast?”

“…”

“Don’t eat stuff like this… Just order something. I’ll pay.”

As Nanyeong fumbled to find his wallet, Hyunjae glanced at him and quietly removed one of the two spoons from the table.

“If you’re not going to eat, I’ll put this away.”

The statement caught Nanyeong off guard, a slow expression of surprise spreading across his face as he finally registered that there was a portion set aside for him.

“There’s no need to force yourself if you don’t like it. Order something instead.”

“No, I’ll eat.”

Nanyeong’s tone was subdued, a stark contrast to the night before. His gaze seemed unable to meet Hyunjae’s, his demeanor strangely deflated. Hyunjae observed him, noting the lingering exhaustion in his drooping eyelids and the tousled hair brushing against his pale forehead. The sight stirred a pang of irritation—at himself—for once again finding the man attractive.

Nanyeong held his spoon but spent a long time staring at the bowl in front of him, the disdain on his face poorly concealed.

Hyunjae didn’t wait. He began eating in silence, the measured clinking of his spoon the only sound in the room. It was only after watching him for a moment that Nanyeong finally picked up his own utensil. Even then, he poked at the watery porridge, stirring it repeatedly as though trying to decide if it was edible.

Does it disgust him?

Maybe he’s wondering how anyone could live on this.

But Hyunjae kept his thoughts to himself, instead stealing a glance at Nanyeong. Despite the low table, Nanyeong’s posture was impeccable, his back straight as he sat. Though initially hesitant, he began eating without further complaint. To Hyunjae’s mild surprise, Nanyeong finished his portion without fuss.

“You ate everything.”

“I’m not rude enough to turn down a meal someone prepared.”

“…”

“And… it was better than I expected.”

Hyunjae looked away, a faint smile ghosting across his lips before he could stop it. The fleeting expression didn’t escape Nanyeong’s attention, who stared at him intently.

“Can I clear the table now?”

“Go ahead.”

Nanyeong scooted back from the table, his posture now casual as he sat cross-legged, waiting idly for Hyunjae to clean up. The image of him sitting there, a picture of someone who had never considered that chores might follow a meal, was a perfect snapshot of his privileged upbringing.

Without expecting much, Hyunjae quickly cleaned up, leaving Nanyeong alone at the table. As Hyunjae moved to the sink to wash the dishes, he felt the weight of Nanyeong’s gaze on him.

“Do you always eat like this?” Nanyeong asked.

Hyunjae didn’t reply, focusing instead on stacking the clean dishes.

“There’s too much sodium. And not enough protein…”

“…”

“If you keep eating like this, it’ll catch up to you. By the time you’re in your thirties, it’ll show in your health. Family history isn’t something to take lightly. Your mother had kidney issues, didn’t she? And cancer…”

“Ha…”

The word mother was enough to draw a sharp, exasperated sigh from Hyunjae, cutting Nanyeong off mid-sentence. The silence that followed was tense, as though Nanyeong had only just realized he’d overstepped.

Hyunjae could have snapped back, but instead, he turned on the faucet, letting the running water drown out his thoughts. Behind him, Nanyeong muttered one last thing, almost inaudible.

“…I only said it because I’m worried.”

A bitter laugh escaped Hyunjae before he could stop it. If there was anything truly harmful to his health, it wasn’t his diet—it was the presence of the man standing behind him.

In any case, the notion that Nanyeong cared about him felt almost laughably absurd to Hyunjae. If he truly wanted to win him over, he’d need to attempt an actual conversation instead of hiding behind flimsy excuses like sodium or protein concerns. Not that Hyunjae believed he was capable of that.

Pulling off his rubber gloves, Hyunjae casually remarked, “I have to head out. You should leave too.”

“…”

Even though he’d clearly heard, Nanyeong didn’t respond. When Hyunjae passed by to fold up the table, he avoided making eye contact.

“You’ve got work, don’t you?”

“I don’t have to go to the office today.”

Surprised by the unexpected reply, Hyunjae involuntarily paused and turned to look at him.

“…I took the day off.”

“Why?”

At Hyunjae’s blunt question, Nanyeong averted his gaze.

Don’t tell me it’s just to stay with me?

When Hyunjae furrowed his brow slightly, staring at him, Nanyeong hesitated before reluctantly opening his mouth.

“I’m here for business.”

“I know. You said the same thing yesterday.”

Hyunjae turned away, tidying the remnants of their meal as he continued, “Something about wrapping this up in less than two years if we go at it multiple times a day. You suggested we keep going until we either get tired of it or run out of stamina.”

“…”

“That’s your plan. But for me, I have things more important than sleeping with you.”

“Like what?”

“I have work, and I’m studying too. Like I said, I’m taking the college entrance exam this year.”

Hyunjae stepped into the cramped bathroom, closing the door behind him. As he brushed his teeth in front of the grimy mirror framed by outdated purple tiles, he thought to himself. Of course. He probably doesn’t even realize that most people work because they need to earn a living. Or maybe it’s not a matter of forgetting—perhaps he’s simply incapable of comprehending it.

When Hyunjae emerged with a towel-dried face, Nanyeong spoke up again.

“I’ll buy you lunch.”

The suggestion caught Hyunjae off guard, leaving him momentarily speechless. As he stared at him, Nanyeong dropped his gaze, avoiding eye contact.

“Before… before things got like this, we used to meet outside often. If there’s something you want to eat, just say so.”

“Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“What’s with the sudden change of heart?”

“It’s not sudden. I’ve always preferred… talking or going places to just having sex.”

“…”

Hyunjae studied him in silence before finally speaking. “Whatever your motives are, it won’t change the terms of our arrangement.”

“…”

“And lunch is out of the question. I’ll be late for my part-time job.”

“What about dinner, then?”

“I work in the evening too.”

“You’ve got to eat at some point.”

“I don’t have time for a proper meal. I just grab something quick from a convenience store.”

At this point, Hyunjae was less interested in uncovering Nanyeong’s intentions and more unsettled by the unfamiliar dynamic between them. The way he interacted with him felt different, and he couldn’t quite place why.

“When do you finish?”

“Late.”

“Got it.”

Not understanding what he meant by that, Hyunjae instinctively looked at him. As if to clarify, Nanyeong added, “I’ll wait.”

“You don’t need to.”

It wasn’t until after he’d spoken that Hyunjae realized the implications of what had just been said. Did he mean he’d wait here? The very idea seemed unlikely. More plausible was that he intended to come back later. After all, what reason would someone like him have to linger in this dingy, lifeless place?

A moment later, Nanyeong mumbled weakly.

“I want to take a shower.”

“You can.”

…What about the toothbrush?

“I don’t think I have a spare. Just wait it out. You can use mine if you want.”

“……”

“Are you going to shower?”

Despite how unpleasant everything in this shabby house was, Nanyeong couldn’t resist the urge to shower. He sighed softly, as if barely audible, and headed toward the bathroom.

On a cold day, the freezing tiles and the shower that took ages to produce hot water were hardly inviting. Hyunjae thought back to a time when he felt like an impoverished child who hadn’t received even basic education, unable to adapt to the luxury Nanyeong provided. In that moment, he thought Nanyeong might feel the same way.

After a while, the sound of water came from the bathroom.

“Hot water’s not coming out.”

Five minutes later, Nanyeong emerged, teeth chattering. Hyunjae suddenly realized his mistake. He had turned on the cold water and waited, but hot water never came. It seemed Nanyeong had gotten dressed again, stepping out with cold, wet feet.

Without a word, Hyunjae pressed the boiler’s hot water button, and Nanyeong watched closely as it started working.

“It’ll come out now.”

As Nanyeong turned to leave again, Hyunjae felt an odd mix of pity and strange satisfaction. Without meaning to, he spoke up.

“I really will be late.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t mean you should wait.”

Nanyeong looked at Hyunjae for a moment, as if surprised by his words. Hyunjae waited for him to say something but eventually turned his gaze away.

“Just take a shower.”

At those words, Nanyeong reluctantly turned around.

Seeing him head toward the bathroom, which he’d always mocked for being so filthy, felt strange. Was it exhilaration? Satisfaction? No… it felt lower than that.

Somehow, it felt like he was taming him.

Ꮺ

Hyunjae confidently left the house, but it was all just a show. As the sun began to set, he couldn’t help but feel restless, wishing he were already back home.

He must have already returned to his place. Nanyeong wouldn’t have been unaware of the reason he had rejected apartments like a studio or penthouse and insisted on coming to his home—the very idea of bringing someone who had lived in excess all their life down to his level must have been something Nanyeong saw through long ago. He had a strong sense of pride and wouldn’t tolerate such treatment.

Every time that thought crossed Hyunjae’s mind, anxiety gnawed at him. He regretted not accepting the offer to have lunch or dinner together. Maybe, in some way, he had sensed a shift in Nanyeong’s behavior that gave him a glimmer of hope.

Each time, what held Hyunjae back were his feelings of self-loathing for being manipulated by Nanyeong, and…

[Excuse me, did you take this photo yourself?]

[It seems you must have a reason for sending me this. If it’s still relevant, can I ask what you want from me?]

[My friend might be in trouble, and I’ll definitely make it up to you.]

He couldn’t help but feel that these messages were connected to Nanyeong’s visit.

Staring at the messages from Jihoon, Hyunjae typed a reply several times before deleting it with a sigh.

Before he knew it, it was 2 AM. The steps leaving the library felt heavier than usual.

Hyunjae tried to think rationally.

It was clear now what Nanyeong’s intentions were. He was systematically working his way toward making Hyunjae his, finding ways to break him down. That clever man must have known that disgust only bred resistance. It seemed he was trying to seduce Hyunjae in a different way.

In that case, he had hit the mark. Hyunjae still had a weak side that Nanyeong could control. Just like before, instead of healing his wounds, Nanyeong would whisper that he loved him, that he was the only one, and Hyunjae would foolishly want to believe those words—even if they were lies. It was like how the only way to melt a cold snowman was with warm sunlight.

He hadn’t yet apologized for using Hyunjae as he pleased. Hyunjae hadn’t forgotten any of this. Nanyeong’s arrogance in thinking that a simple “I miss you” would make him forgive him was something Hyunjae had known from the beginning.

Of course, even if Nanyeong did apologize, whether Hyunjae could ever trust him again was a different matter altogether.

At that moment, a small vibration came from Hyunjae’s phone. It was the phone he hadn’t received messages from in a while, the one from Nanyeong. Hyunjae abruptly stopped in his tracks.

[You’re really late. 2:17 AM]

The unexpected message caught Hyunjae’s attention.

As soon as he confirmed that Nanyeong was still waiting, his body instinctively moved. His legs started running toward home, gaining strength with each step. By the time he reached the entrance of the villa, Hyunjae was panting heavily from his sprint.

“Heh… heh….”

Swallowing dryly, Hyunjae tried to calm his breath. Only after his heartbeat returned to normal did he climb the worn stairs of the villa. He felt a pang of self-loathing for having rushed to Nanyeong’s place like a dog, drawn in by his message.

He entered the house after inputting the door lock password, hearing the familiar click of the door opening.

The first thing that hit him was the stale air of a room that hadn’t been properly ventilated.

And then, in the next moment, he locked eyes with Nanyeong, who was lying in his bed. His messy hair was sticking out as he sat up slowly, blinking his half-closed eyes. He was still wearing the white shirt, but unlike yesterday, he had undone a few buttons, leaving his sleeves rolled up and the collar loosened. Hyunjae, who had vowed to maintain his composure in front of him, couldn’t help but ask with a dazed expression.

“Why didn’t you leave?”

“I said I’d wait,” Nanyeong answered with an unreadable expression. Turning his head, he yawned and rubbed his eyes.

“…I stocked up the fridge. You usually eat at home, so I got some healthy stuff. Since you can cook, you’ll be fine as long as you have the ingredients.”

Hyunjae walked over and opened the fridge. It was packed with protein-rich foods like meat, fish, seafood, and vegetables. There was only half a bottle of water left on the door, which was filled with various drinks as though it were a convenience store shelf. When he turned around with a baffled expression, Nanyeong quickly averted his gaze.

“Did you go out?”

“I didn’t. I asked my secretary. Once I leave, I can’t come back…”

“……”

“And if you wanted, you could just lock the door.”

It was the opposite. It was Hyunjae who hadn’t been allowed into Nanyeong’s space. Nanyeong, if he wanted, could tear down this door lock and door frame, paying for it with money.

It felt strange, as if Nanyeong was saying that only with his permission could Hyunjae come in, when Nanyeong himself could act however he wanted. Hyunjae let out a sigh too soft to be heard.

“You…”

Nanyeong looked at him again.

“Did you purposely come back late?”

“I usually come back around this time.”

“That’s a lie.”

Nanyeong blatantly denied it, leaving Hyunjae dumbfounded. It was true he had come back later than usual, but since Nanyeong couldn’t know that, Hyunjae decided it was none of his concern.

“…I told you. It’s you who waited for me. Don’t blame me.”

What was first love, anyway? Just the fact that he had waited for him softened Hyunjae’s heart. The way Nanyeong had once sweet-talked him seemed to overlap with his current face.

What helped him erase those memories was the loneliness he felt when Nanyeong had neglected him. He knew that if Nanyeong swept him up once again, he would end up suffering from severe aftereffects.

Hyunjae had unwittingly been learning how to distance himself from his feelings and numb them.

He crossed the room, changed clothes, and got ready to shower. He then spoke gruffly toward Nanyeong, who was still sitting on his bed.

“I need to sleep. It’s too late for sex.”

“……”

“If you really want, you can just use your mouth instead.”

“I brought a few things I need.”

Instead of answering, Nanyeong spoke of something unrelated, causing an odd look to flash in Hyunjae’s eyes.

“You’re the one who insisted on meeting here, right? You should’ve expected that I’d settle in.”

Did he mean he was planning to stay here? Hyunjae was taken aback, not having anticipated that Nanyeong would go this far.

He quickly looked around the room, trying to find the things Nanyeong had brought in. The small apartment made it easy to spot the changes. A new toothbrush was in the bathroom cup, and there were luxurious-looking imported shampoos and body washes. He suddenly felt sympathy for the secretary who must have been sent to get these items.

It wasn’t like they were pretending to live together.

After coming out of the bathroom, Hyunjae couldn’t take his eyes off of him, but still furrowed his brows in confusion at his strange behavior and asked again.

“It seems like you were really afraid someone else might buy the photos, huh, hyung?”

“Yeah.”

Nanyeong answered readily, lifting the corners of his lips into a slight smirk. That only irritated Hyunjae even more.

“Would you never show it to the man you like, even if it meant dying?”

“If it were you, would you want to show it? I don’t want to show that to anyone in this world.”

“I see. Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t want to show it either. Even if I’m a man who’s no good, curiosity would come if someone saw you like that. How lewd it must be. Even a heterosexual would want to stick it in if it’s that kind of hole…”

Before he could finish speaking, something flew past Hyunjae’s cheek. It was a small plastic clock. The object narrowly missed his cheek and crashed against the kitchen cabinet, shattering. Hyunjae silently stared at the broken pieces.

“Watch your words.”

Nanyeong, who had thrown the clock he picked up, glared at him. Hyunjae couldn’t help but let out a dry laugh at the way Nanyeong lost his composure and became emotional every time Jihoon was mentioned.

“So, you feel embarrassed in front of the person you like, too.”

“I’m done with that guy.”

Hyunjae didn’t believe those words. If “done” meant a good relationship, it was the same with Nanyeong and himself. But that lingering feeling that kept dragging out an ended relationship wasn’t something that could be erased by willpower. Just like how he felt now.

“…Buy me a new clock. There’s only this one in the house.”

Saying so, Hyunjae picked up the broken clock. As he gathered the shards and threw them into the trash can, Nanyeong muttered quietly.

“How annoying…”

His deep voice somehow sounded as if it had moisture in it. Hyunjae slowly turned around to look at Nanyeong. He was hunched over in the dimly lit room, his face not clearly visible.

“I want to go back.”

“Back where?”

At first, Hyunjae thought he meant he wanted to go home. But Nanyeong gave an unexpected answer.

“Back to the time when we were happy.”

Hyunjae was momentarily speechless at those words. Nanyeong, saying he missed the time when he used him while falling for someone else, suddenly felt very hateful to him.

“Did you like that time?”

“Yeah. I liked you before I ruined you.”

Hyunjae swallowed something bitter and hot as he turned away.

“I don’t know why you’d care about that now…”

“……”

“There are parts of a person’s heart that can heal, and parts that can’t.”

“……”

“I think we’re already too late.”

“Of course, you’ve changed.”

Nanyeong murmured in a low voice. Hyunjae couldn’t help but laugh without resistance at those words.

“Usually, people change after going through things like that.”

As he walked past him, Hyunjae deliberately bumped his shoulder against Nanyeong’s. The intentional collision, as if he was irritated by Nanyeong being in his way, caused Nanyeong, who was sitting, to be pushed back slightly. The piercing gaze from behind felt so sharp it was almost uncomfortable.

“Instead of talking about wanting to go back, let me tell you something that might work with me.”

“…What is it?”

To Hyunjae’s surprise, Nanyeong responded, seeming genuinely curious. His lifted eyes looked strangely innocent. For a moment, it truly seemed like he wanted to know, so Hyunjae clenched his fist tightly.

“First off, never say you came because you missed me. I don’t know if you came to see me or Jihoon, and it just pisses me off.”

Nanyeong’s brows slowly furrowed. Seeing his face twist in frustration, Hyunjae felt a bit relieved. Acting like a pitiful saint wasn’t at all like Nanyeong. He was tired of the way Nanyeong made him waver every time.

“I understand your feelings, hyung. The reason you keep coming to find me… is because that guy will never see you again.”