WANL Ch 21

A few days before visiting Hyunjae’s house, Nanyeong received two unpleasant messages.

The first was the notification that he had been removed from his position as an executive at Taeryang Solutions. It wasn’t a surprising announcement since he had already noticed his father gradually reducing his position within the company. However, it was quite frustrating to be told there was no need to come to the office while he was still groggy from sleep and just starting to prepare for work.

“It will be difficult to accommodate you at the company today.”

Secretary Jung said, his voice subdued despite it not being his fault. Halfway through tying his necktie, Nanyeong sat down on the armchair in the dressing room, covering his tired face. His wrist, recently freed from a cast, was noticeably thin.

“Alright, you can leave.”

“Please call if you need anything.”

“Wait.”

Nanyeong, who suddenly remembered something, stopped the secretary who was about to leave.

“Didn’t we get any contact from that kid? I told him to pick out a property.”

The secretary bowed his head, looking apologetic.

“No, sir, there has been no contact from Mr. Jung Hyunjae.”

“I see. Understood…”

After dismissing the secretary, Nanyeong leaned back in the armchair, feeling weary.

I never make any decisions for myself till the end.

With that thought, Nanyeong mocked himself. It wasn’t a role he desired to play. He wanted to express that he wasn’t fit for the position and that it was burdensome, but he couldn’t refuse it, thinking it was his duty. He was disgusted with himself for being so passive, knowing this would happen eventually but never pressing the self-destruct button.

The mansion was filled with silence. But the world outside was likely in an uproar. The news of the definitive confirmation of Taeryang’s successor would have caused stock prices to fluctuate and created a buzz within the company. As long as he didn’t see any of that with his own eyes, Nanyeong thought he would be fine, sitting there with his eyes closed, appearing dead.

The second message arrived that afternoon.

Yoo Jihoon.

With an uninterested expression, Nanyeong stared at the three characters on the phone screen. “I forgot to delete the number,” he thought, and that was all. As soon as the annoying vibration stopped, he picked up his phone to block the number. Just then, a message arrived.

[Nanyeong, congratulations! Your only value has disappeared.]

The mocking words made Nanyeong’s eyebrows twitch. He tried to ignore it and immediately move his fingers, but another message arrived quickly.

[Oh, and the kid you used to play with is selling your photos.]

The second message made his heart drop. His eyes trembled involuntarily. Just as he was about to delete the number, he impulsively called Jihoon. The phone rang twice, and Jihoon answered immediately.

― Hahaha! Are you afraid the photos will be sold?

“Shut up.”

― Well, I only hinted at it, and he immediately said he would sell them. Did you offer too low, despite having so much money?

“Don’t mess with him.”

― Don’t mess with him? That’s disappointing. He approached me first.

Nanyeong doubted Jihoon’s words. Unconsciously, he strongly believed that Hyunjae wouldn’t do that. However, a sense of foreboding gradually spread in his mind.

― Nanyeong, I told you not to meet guys whose background you don’t know. If you meet people who don’t match your level, you should have expected some trouble. I’ll keep the photos safe for you….

Before Jihoon could finish speaking, Nanyeong hung up nervously. He then shakily blocked and deleted Jihoon’s number. Throwing the phone aside, he sat heavily on the sofa, holding his head in his hands.

Since meeting at the hotel, Hyunjae hadn’t contacted him even once. It was as if Hyunjae was making it clear that now it was Nanyeong who had to beg for a meeting. The thought that Hyunjae wouldn’t carelessly hand over the photos to someone else clashed fiercely with the suspicion that he might have contacted Jihoon first to provoke him.

If the latter was true, it was his own doing that turned Hyunjae into that person.

Nanyeong tightly clasped his fingers until his knuckles turned white. He recalled the first time he met Hyunjae. A kind and naïve twenty-year-old who felt pity for a shameless man wanting to get his number. Hyunjae, who didn’t even know who the successor of Taeryang was, was far from being materialistic. Despite repeatedly warning him not to mix romance with business, he remembered the eyes that eventually couldn’t hide their passionate love.

Even though he had always assumed their relationship would end someday and had treated him so coldly, the reason he now regretted all those moments was… perhaps the thought that he might never see the Hyunjae of those days again. If he hadn’t interfered, the pure young man who had been affectionate would have remained innocent for a long time, but he had tainted him, making him similar to himself.

“Ugh…”

Nanyeong swallowed a few pills on an empty stomach and struggled to climb up to the bedroom, shivering all the way. Cold sweat began to flow all over his body, and he wanted to wash it off. He turned on the water in the bathtub, and when it reached his ankles, he sat down inside. He felt an unusual chill.

The water rose very slowly. When it reached his waist, Nanyeong, wanting to feel warmth, slowly lay down. The deep bathtub, which could submerge an adult male up to his neck, had handles on both sides. Holding them lightly, Nanyeong slipped into the water.

When he opened his eyes again, his ears were muffled. The surroundings were very noisy, but everything sounded like indistinct murmurs. What he saw was the bathroom ceiling, and his back was touching the cold tiles.

At that moment, someone pressed hard on his solar plexus. The pressure was enough to bruise, and Nanyeong coughed up water. A sharp pain spread through his chest.

“Cough, cough, cough… cough, ha.”

As Nanyeong coughed violently, he heard the housekeeper sobbing. Secretary Jung, who had been performing CPR until Nanyeong could breathe again, was sweating all over. One of the household staff, who had gathered around the bathtub, covered him with a large towel. His soaked body trembled, and the coughing didn’t stop.

The family doctor arrived at the mansion belatedly, accompanied by a psychiatrist. Everyone, including the doctor and the staff, thought Nanyeong had attempted suicide. The reason was obvious: the stress of being pushed out of the succession.

The most bewildered by this situation was none other than Nanyeong himself. He had no intention of dying. It was a mistake.

Of course, no one believed him when he said that.

As a result, that night, the household staff took turns standing guard outside Nanyeong’s bedroom, just in case. The psychiatrist prescribed a daily dose of medication, and the housekeeper was put in charge of managing it, to prevent Nanyeong from taking more than the prescribed amount.

Lying in the darkened bedroom, Nanyeong blinked and thought with a clear mind.

He had lost his job, disappointed his father, and his long, unrequited love had ended in the worst possible way. Yet, he had no thoughts of dying.

What if, by bad luck, his life had ended today?

Nanyeong’s body trembled slightly. That was something that should never happen. If he had accidentally died today, he would have committed an unforgivable sin against Hyunjae. The boy might have blamed himself and lived with undeserved guilt for the rest of his life.

At this point, Nanyeong realized what he had to do.

Love has an expiration date. Foolishly, he had let that emotion fester inside him. But through painful experience, he realized that some emotions need to be spoken and expressed to be exhausted. The feelings Hyunjae had for him were the same. Whether it was love, resentment, or revenge, once exhausted, it would eventually end.

And when it ends…

Maybe we can both be free.

Reaching that conclusion somehow made him feel lighter. It was as if he had been reborn.

Nanyeong decided to get up tomorrow. He wouldn’t skip the meals the housekeeper prepared, and he would get a fresh haircut.

And once he calmed down a bit, he would go see Hyunjae.

But he was still afraid of facing Hyunjae’s expression, ready to hurt him. So, Nanyeong decided to rely on the medication. He couldn’t muster the courage in his right mind.

After each meal, the housekeeper gave Nanyeong the prescribed medication. Having become adept with the pills, Nanyeong knew which ones dulled his mind. He secretly collected those and, just before going to Hyunjae’s house, swallowed several of them.

In that hazy, almost drunken state, he arrived in front of Hyunjae’s villa.

Ꮺ

“Ugh, uh… yes, ugh…”

“Huh, huh…”

Hyunjae panted as he thrust into Nanyeong from behind, who was barely holding onto the sink.

It had started suddenly during dinner. Nanyeong seemed dissatisfied with the dinner Hyunjae had prepared, picking at half of it, when he suddenly started rubbing Hyunjae’s foot with his own. Even as Hyunjae looked at him sharply, questioning his actions, Nanyeong didn’t stop his teasing.

Eventually, they pushed the dinner table aside, and with their pants lowered, they were now urgently entwined. Hyunjae held Nanyeong tightly by the chest with both arms, frantically grinding against him. As Nanyeong’s hips began to sink, Hyunjae lifted him up and bit his ear fiercely.

“Huh…. haah.”

“Harder, ah! Harder, please…”

Nanyeong kept begging with his mouth, even though he had no strength to resist. Gritting his teeth, Hyunjae thrust hard, making a loud smacking sound. Nanyeong, barely standing, collapsed onto the sink. His hand, grasping the kitchen cabinet’s handle, was wet with sweat.

His small buttocks swallowed Hyunjae’s thick cock. The white creases inside were red from constant friction, and his hips and thighs were covered in handprints that never seemed to fade. It was hard to believe this was the same Nanyeong; when lost in pleasure, it was as if only the cock and the hole existed. Hyunjae felt a strong aversion to this.

Gritting his teeth, Hyunjae thrust deep into him. As he neared orgasm, the aversion grew stronger.

“Huh, ugh… uh!”

The veins on Nanyeong’s hand, gripping the sink, stood out. The realistic sight made Hyunjae close his eyes tightly. Holding Nanyeong tightly by the chest, he thrust a few more times with similar intensity.

Soon, as he released his semen deep inside Nanyeong, Nanyeong also reached his climax. With his head down, exposing his white neck, he panted heavily. Feeling the strong streams hitting his insides, Nanyeong shivered. The entire act lasted less than ten minutes, more like a release than lovemaking.

Hyunjae pulled out and stood up, pulling up his pants. Nanyeong, still panting, collapsed under the sink, his legs giving way.

“Haah, ha…”

Sss—

Hyunjae turned on the sink faucet, wet a kitchen towel, and roughly wiped Nanyeong’s backside, where his semen was starting to drip. Leaving it would only make a mess on the floor.

As he tried to wipe the front, Nanyeong stopped him.

“I’ll wash up.”

Despite his words, Nanyeong struggled to stand. The aftermath of his orgasm left his white thighs still trembling.

“I’ll wash these.”

Hyunjae bent down and removed his sweatpants, which were still around Nanyeong’s ankles. Although they had been recently washed, they were now stained with semen. As he took off the pants, Nanyeong’s thin, almost frail-looking ankles were revealed.

After tossing the pants into the washing machine, Hyunjae stared at Nanyeong, who was still slumped on the floor.

The man who once seemed as beautiful as a peony was quickly fading in this shabby room. Stripped of his designer clothes and dressed in ordinary attire, his body was marked with kisses and handprints left by Hyunjae. Although Hyunjae was the one who had done this, he felt an indescribable sense of exhaustion.

After a while, Nanyeong struggled to his feet and headed to the bathroom. Soon, the sound of water could be heard.

Left alone, Hyunjae meticulously wiped the kitchen with the wet towel. Turning around, he saw the half-eaten food on the table, now cold.

“Ha…”

Hyunjae sighed unconsciously. His stomach was still empty since Nanyeong had started teasing him before he could finish his meal. He pulled the table back and started eating the cold rice.

Surprisingly, after that sudden visit, Nanyeong had been staying at Hyunjae’s place continuously.

For the first few days, Hyunjae thought Nanyeong would be gone every time he returned home from his morning outings. However, Nanyeong was always there to greet him when he returned, and Hyunjae found himself increasingly wrapped in a strange emotion.

The company situation was unclear, but he hadn’t been going to work and instead slept in every morning. He didn’t seem to leave the house at all. He always smoked inside with the window open, and since Hyunjae had always liked watching him smoke, he didn’t ask him to stop. He only told him not to put out the cigarette on the windowsill. After that, Nanyeong seemed to use an appropriate ashtray.

The only contact Nanyeong had with the outside world, as far as Hyunjae knew, was with his secretary. The secretary would come with both hands full of groceries or clothes for Nanyeong.

Hyunjae wondered what the secretary thought about his boss holed up in this shabby apartment. But the secretary’s stern face and business-like attitude gave nothing away. After all, who would stop Nanyeong if he decided to experience the common life on a whim?

And there was something else.

Nanyeong seemed to be rapidly falling apart.

No one would believe that the person staying in this apartment was the same Nanyeong from before. He always looked dazed, sleeping all day, and only waking up when Hyunjae came home to ask for sex.

So, all he did in this house was sleep and have sex. He barely ate, and his ankles looked much thinner than before.

Hyunjae often had a grim suspicion: What if Nanyeong was an addict?

At first, it was just a suspicion, but the evidence kept piling up. First, Nanyeong never drank alcohol. Hyunjae had never smelled alcohol on him. But sometimes he acted like he was drunk and slept abnormally long hours. Second, Nanyeong knew a lot about drugs.

A long time ago, Hyunjae had accidentally obtained some drugs, and Nanyeong had caught him with them. Having never dealt with drugs before, Hyunjae had naively believed someone who said they were drugs. But Nanyeong had examined them closely and quickly realized they were fake. It seemed odd that someone with no experience with drugs would know so much. Especially someone who could get anything with money.

“Haah….”

Hyunjae put down his spoon and rubbed his eyes in frustration. Nanyeong mechanically initiated sex, but he didn’t seem to enjoy it. What if he was using something to escape this miserable situation? And what if Hyunjae was the one who drove him to it?

The sound of the door opening echoed, and a wave of steam followed Nanyeong out of the bathroom, holding a towel. This small house was sensitive to temperature and humidity, so taking a hot shower or boiling water in the kitchen quickly filled the entire place with steam.

Hyunjae looked up from his last bite of food. The scent of the body wash Nanyeong usually used wafted from him.

“…Aren’t you going to the company?”

Hyunjae suddenly asked something that had been on his mind. He had deliberately cut off interest in Nanyeong’s personal life, so this was the first time he asked such a question.

But Nanyeong skillfully evaded the question.

“Am I bothering you? Is the house too small and annoying?”

Nanyeong asked, slowly toweling his hair. Hyunjae shook his head and said, “No.”

I’ve already lived in this small house with my mother for over a decade. This house is meant for two people anyway.

“You must be comfortable. You won’t gain weight no matter what you do.”

“I’m well-behaved. I’m pretty good, right? You can have sex whenever you want…”

Nanyeong evaded Hyunjae’s question again. Hyunjae looked up at Nanyeong, who was deliberately not answering, with a stern expression.

“As expected, people in their early 20s are different. You react immediately when touched. I used to be like that too… I can’t remember now.”

As soon as Nanyeong started to bring up his past relationships, Hyunjae felt uncomfortable. He forced down the food in his mouth, which felt like sand, and put down his spoon.

“Yes, it’s uncomfortable.”

“…….”

“Go back.”

As soon as he said it impulsively, regret washed over him. Hyunjae started cleaning up the dishes without waiting for a response.

He could feel Nanyeong’s silent gaze on his back. As he washed the dishes, Hyunjae wondered why he felt this way. It felt like he was kicking out a small animal he had taken in out of pity. But it wasn’t like Nanyeong had nowhere else to go if Hyunjae kicked him out.

A moment later, the sound of the dryer running could be heard. Just then, a message alert sounded on Hyunjae’s phone. The alert sounded unfamiliar, and when he checked, he realized the message had come to the phone Nanyeong had given him.

Startled, Hyunjae quickly checked his phone. The only person who knew this number was Nanyeong, so there shouldn’t be any messages. But what if Yoo Jihoon had sent another message?

[Oppa, what time are we meeting today?]

The moment he saw the message, it all came rushing back. He couldn’t believe he had completely forgotten about it until now.

“Ah…”

The sender of the message was none other than Eunji. Memories surfaced of borrowing Eunji’s online course ID and promising to treat her to a meal in return. Checking the calendar, he realized it was today. Despite making plans, they hadn’t set a time or place.

Feeling relieved that it wasn’t Jihoon, Hyunjae let out a sigh.

[Sorry, I should’ve reached out first.]

“That wasn’t just for me, was it?”

Hearing Nanyeong’s voice behind him, Hyunjae turned around.

“…It’s just a phone.”

He said it in an effort to downplay its significance but then lowered his head. The truth was, he was the one who ascribed meaning to it. Eunji knowing this number had been pure coincidence. Until now, he hadn’t shared the phone Nanyeong had given him with anyone else. Yet the lie slipped out naturally.

“Hmm…”

Nanyeong nodded as if he were about to walk away, but then unexpectedly stepped forward, closing the distance between them. Before Hyunjae could react, Nanyeong tilted his head slightly to glance at the screen. Hyunjae felt a pang of regret but knew that acting flustered would only make things worse. He moistened his lips and slipped the phone into his pocket.

“Eunji…”

“Don’t look.”

“Seeing two people at once? Impressive.”

Hyunjae involuntarily looked up at Nanyeong. The same Nanyeong who had rejected his repeated pleas to be together. By Nanyeong’s standards, they were nothing—barely acquaintances. For him to comment like this felt strange.

Nanyeong muttered irritably again.

“Don’t even think about juggling both.”

“What even are we?”

Hyunjae retorted, his face calm. Whether he’d struck a nerve, Nanyeong hesitated for a moment before letting out a dry laugh.

“That girl has no idea, does she? She’d never guess you spent all day in bed with a guy.”

“……”

“I’m not criticizing you for dating. It’s not like you were ever gay to begin with.”

“She’s just…”

Hyunjae almost said she was just some girl from work but stopped himself. He and Nanyeong weren’t anything special, so explaining himself felt even more awkward.

After finishing the dishes, Hyunjae headed to the bathroom. He washed his face and, staring at himself in the mirror, ran his damp hands through his hair. His hair was parting in odd directions—a result of going to bed without drying it after being with Nanyeong the night before. Still, his hair, much like him, was easygoing and cooperated with a little effort.

He lightly dampened his hair to fix the parted sections, then stepped out. After a few steps, his eyes met Nanyeong’s.

“……”

Hyunjae walked over to the hanger, absently sifting through his few clothes. After some hesitation, he picked out a pair of ivory slacks. He thought it might be inappropriate to wear his usual training clothes for an outing.

He turned around and slid off his pants, revealing his muscular thighs and calves. He felt Nanyeong’s gaze again but ignored it, slipping on the slacks. Then he pulled on his usual navy hoodie, but the combination didn’t quite work.

After some deliberation, he took off the hoodie and replaced it with a gray sweater hanging on the rack. It seemed to work better, perhaps because it was bought as a set. When he turned around, Nanyeong, lying back with an arm under his head, was watching him.

“That’s Saint Laurent.”

“…Yeah.”

Passing by Nanyeong’s side, Hyunjae went to the sink, opened the fridge, and drank a glass of cold water. The chill spreading through his throat and stomach was almost as cold as Nanyeong’s gaze.

“Where are you going?”

Hyunjae hesitated briefly before answering simply.

“I have plans.”

“Hmm…”

Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. But he hated hiding things.

“I’ll be back.”

Instead of replying, Nanyeong leaned against the wall, glancing at him. As always, there was no goodbye. Before Nanyeong could say anything else, Hyunjae hurried out the door.

Ꮺ

“Oppa…”

From a distance, Eunji looked unsure, her expression tentative. As Hyunjae approached and raised his hand, she gasped and covered her mouth, overwhelmed with emotion.

“…Why?”

“You look like a different person. With this outfit…”

“Really?”

Hyunjae wetted his dry lips with his tongue. If the change was that noticeable, maybe it would have been better to dress the way he usually did. At that moment, Eunji lightly hopped over and looped her arm through his.

“I just think you look cool…”

Hyunjae, who was swaying slightly as Eunji clung to him, laughed softly.

“Why don’t you dress like this usually?”

“It’s not really right for studying.”

“So you’re dressing up for a date today?”

Hyunjae raised the corners of his mouth slightly, offering a faint smile. Nanyeong might have expected this situation. Whether Hyunjae was with a man or a woman, he probably knew what expectations the other person would have due to his changed appearance.

As they entered the restaurant, Hyunjae hesitated before speaking up.

“But, Eunji, calling this a date is a bit…”

“Why?”

Eunji asked in surprise.

“…If I’m being forward, I’m sorry, but I…”

I have a girlfriend.

He couldn’t bring himself to say it. He wasn’t sure how to explain his relationship with Nanyeong.

But right now, all of his thoughts were focused on Nanyeong. Whether it was love or revenge, it was clear he was completely captivated by him. If Eunji was trying to approach him romantically, it was only polite to clarify and stop any misunderstandings here.

“Ah… You have a girlfriend?”

“……”

Hyunjae didn’t answer and instead gave a difficult smile.

When they were shown to their table, Hyunjae gestured for Eunji to sit where she felt comfortable. Eunji, who had been sparkling with excitement a moment ago, now slumped in her chair with a look of dejection.

“I knew it. Honestly, it would’ve been strange if you didn’t have one.”

“…Really?”

“Yeah. But I know all about you, Oppa. You’re always in the library, working part-time, at home, library, part-time, home. So I just figured you didn’t have anyone!”

Hyunjae chuckled lightly at Eunji’s complaints.

“So, what’s your girlfriend like? Is she a classmate? Is she in college now? Are you holding off until after the college entrance exam?”

“Nothing like that.”

Hyunjae shook his head.

“It’s unrequited love.”

Eunji let out a big sigh at his words. Hyunjae reflected on what he had just said.

Unrequited love… that seemed about right.

The love that began silently after meeting Nanyeong had been something he had been carrying alone ever since. Even though he could touch and hold Nanyeong, he didn’t truly know his feelings. It didn’t seem like much had changed, even though their meeting places had shifted from Nanyeong’s luxurious officetel to his old, worn-out villa.

“I’m jealous of whoever she is…”

“There’s nothing to be jealous of. If someone like me likes you, it’s just a hassle.”

“What are you talking about? If someone with your looks says they like you, anyone would be thrilled.”

“People are more than just their looks, though. I… I’m really the worst.”

“Why is your self-esteem so low?”

“No, really, I’m the worst…”

“Seriously, the worst kind of person doesn’t stop others from coming to them. They just say ‘thank you,’ and juggle multiple people without caring. They date without feelings.”

“……”

“Sigh. I wonder who will ever want to date this frustrating guy?”

Eunji rested her chin on her hands and let out a long sigh. Hyunjae, feeling a bit guilty, lowered his head and spoke to Eunji.

“Order whatever you want.”

“Ugh, don’t be so nice…”

“Sorry…”

“What’s there for you to apologize for? It’s my fault for misjudging the market. I even paid for online classes again just to get a meal from you.”

At these words, Hyunjae was taken aback, and Eunji muttered under her breath, “I mean, that’s what I think is pathetic.”

“Should I try for a refund?”

“Ah, no need to go that far… Just thank me!”

Even though Eunji said this while smiling, Hyunjae was still uneasy. The issue of money had always been the most burdensome to him, and when someone extended their kindness with money, it felt heavy and uncomfortable. Eunji had to reassure him several times that it was really okay to ease his troubled expression.

As they were eating, Eunji casually mumbled.

“By the way, Oppa, I’ve been thinking about this for a while…”

“Mm?”

“Hyunjae, you kind of look like Yoo Jihoon.”

Hearing a name he didn’t expect, Hyunjae slowly lifted his gaze.

“Now that you’re dressed like this, it really seems like you resemble him more. You used to dress like a student, right? Well, you still kind of look like one now, though.”

There was no visible reaction on Hyunjae’s face. Under his calm eyes, he skillfully hid his emotions and simply smiled lightly in response.

“I’ve heard that before.”

“Actually, I wanted to go into broadcasting. I thought I could see a lot of handsome men if I became a PD at a broadcasting station. Even though celebrities are untouchable…”

“Are you saying I’m untouchable?”

Eunji was caught off guard and laughed out loud. Hyunjae gave a bitter smile.

“No, what I mean is that handsome men like celebrities are rare in real life…”

“Are you a Yoo Jihoon fan?”

“Ah… you caught me?”

Eunji giggled softly. Hyunjae sighed.

“I have a trauma with that.”

Although it wasn’t meant to be funny, Eunji laughed out loud, finding it amusing. Hyunjae, smiling bitterly, decided he would throw away this outfit the moment he got home. Among all the things Nanyeong had given him, this would probably be the first thing he’d throw away himself.

“Well, Oppa, have a good trip back.”

“Thanks. I had fun today.”

“Really? Then let’s have meals like this sometimes. You should get some fresh air once in a while.”

Hyunjae smiled and nodded at Eunji. She waved several times, looking back at him as she left.

After only going to the library and home for so long, it felt refreshing to go out to eat for a change. It made him think maybe he’d been feeling down because his world had become too narrow recently.

At the same time, the face of someone who had been holed up at home came to his mind. Perhaps the reason he was falling apart so quickly was that he stayed locked in that narrow, stuffy house.

On his way back, Eunji’s words echoed in his head: “Untouchable.”

If he had always been someone like that, would Nanyeong have treated him so importantly from the start? That thought lingered in his mind.

On the other hand, if he hadn’t caught Nanyeong’s eye in some way, he probably would never have been involved with someone living in a completely different world. The realization made Hyunjae feel helpless.

Ꮺ

“What are we to each other?”

Lying in the empty room after Hyunjae left, Nanyeong repeatedly thought about what he had said.

Emotionally, they were too clingy to just be sex partners, and they were too far apart in age to be friends. They both held each other back, but they couldn’t be considered enemies either, as they couldn’t live without each other.

The most mismatched title, however, would probably be “lovers.”

Although he had come with a firm resolve, Nanyeong felt like every day was becoming more exhausting. He had gotten used to exchanging harsh words and endless arguments. But there was one thing he just couldn’t get used to—the disillusioned look Hyunjae gave him when he looked at him.

It was understandable. Every time he went into the cramped bathroom to wash, he’d catch sight of himself and be startled—not just once or twice. The reflection in the grimy mirror showed a thin, irritable-looking man who felt utterly unfamiliar.

His cheeks were so pale that the capillaries beneath his skin were visible, and his weight loss had left bones protruding starkly from his naked body. His body, devoid of any appealing softness, was nothing but skin and bone. Because of that, every time they were intimate, Hyunjae’s weight pressing down on him left bruises. Especially the area between his lower hips and thighs bore the brunt of it.

Given his state, it was no wonder the affection had faded.

The charm of a mature man that had once captivated Hyunjae was now impossible to find, no matter how hard he looked. He ought to feel grateful that Hyunjae still considered him a vessel for releasing desire.

On the other hand, Hyunjae’s healthy skin glowed even in the poorly lit room. With no unnecessary fat or sugar in his diet, his lean body carried almost no fat, showcasing muscles that weren’t overly defined but raw and natural. It was a physique that was innately pleasing to the eye, more so than one meticulously sculpted. Yet Hyunjae himself seemed oblivious to how attractive his body appeared to others.

Recalling the sight of Hyunjae preparing to go out earlier that day, an unwelcome truth crept closer to the forefront of Nanyeong’s mind: Hyunjae still had plenty of opportunities ahead. Even now, there were likely countless people orbiting around him.

Nanyeong began to wonder if he was using flimsy excuses to steal Hyunjae’s body, youth, and potential.

“Ugh…”

Burying his face into the crumpled bedding, Nanyeong groaned. His head throbbed, and the crushing sense of being at rock bottom refused to lift. In the end, he reached for his phone and dialed his assistant’s number.

“Jung, I’m sorry to bother you with something annoying…”

This time, he asked for alcohol. Though he had made plenty of requests while staying at Hyunjae’s place, this was his first time asking for liquor.

Naturally, Jung tried to dissuade him repeatedly, saying it was absolutely out of the question. But when Nanyeong, slurring his words, threatened to go out and buy the alcohol himself, Jung finally gave in with a defeated voice. “Stay put. I’ll bring it to you.”

Not long after, Jung arrived with a bottle of whiskey in hand. It was a brand Nanyeong liked, so he showered the assistant with praise. Jung, however, merely looked at him with eyes full of unspoken words before quietly leaving.

The initial sip of alcohol felt good, but that was as far as it went. As the buzz set in, Nanyeong’s mood plummeted even further.

“Ugh…”

Clutching his stomach, he groaned in pain. Cold sweat beaded on his forehead. In the past, mixing alcohol with sedatives had often resulted in bouts of gastritis, and now it was happening again.

After gasping for air for a while, Nanyeong finally escaped the worst of the pain. Even though the spasms subsided, the dull ache in his upper abdomen lingered, a heavy reminder of his body’s state.

“Sigh…”

He stared blankly at the peeling wallpaper.

At first, he felt a twisted satisfaction whenever Hyunjae, no matter how cruel, expressed desire for him. It reassured him that some trace of attachment still remained. But seeing the young man, who once whispered affection and begged for love, turn into someone who lashed out with angry, vengeful sex left a hollow ache in his chest. The contradiction of hearing “I like you” while being treated with veiled hostility cut deep.

It wasn’t that Hyunjae’s rough behavior left him physically hurt; it was something more profound than that.

What tore him apart was the knowledge that he was ruining Hyunjae.

The man who once only knew how to express love had been corrupted by him. Just as Hyunjae had accused, Nanyeong was nothing but a shallow, materialistic man who dragged an innocent person into hell along with him.

His heart tightened as if being squeezed.

He had come too far to turn back. But if the only path forward led to worse outcomes, perhaps it was better to stop now, he thought faintly, through the haze of reason.

If he had learned anything from past relationships, it was that love had its time and place. The kind of infatuation he experienced in his teens should have been left there. Now, in his thirties, he should be seeking stability. Yet here he was, foolishly engaging in behavior unbefitting his age.

Wouldn’t it be better for Hyunjae, in his twenties, to meet a good woman who matched him? He certainly deserved that.

But the desire was too strong to resist…

If Hyunjae still felt lust for him and used him as an outlet for his anger and revenge, wasn’t that enough? If this wretched body was still something he wanted… Eventually, the time would come when they both grew sick of each other and finally ended things. Until then, just a little longer. Just a little more.

With great effort, Nanyeong staggered to his feet. Unable to endure the torment in his heart, he drank more to deepen his intoxication.

As he did, he wondered what kind of hell awaited greedy people like him when they died.

Ꮺ

“I’m back.”

As soon as Hyunjae stepped inside, he was confronted with an unexpected scene. The small apartment reeked of alcohol, the scent unmistakable. His gaze fell on the empty bottle by the sink.

“I waited so long for you… and you still come home this late, knowing how I feel? Leaving me alone in this miserable place…”

Nanyeong’s reproach echoed in Hyunjae’s ears. He let out a short sigh.

“Then you can leave.”

The immediate response caused Nanyeong to press his lips shut tightly. His gaze, lifting toward Hyunjae, was unfocused.

“You can leave whenever you want.”

Hyunjae spoke as he moved the dangerously placed liquor bottle on the floor to the side by the wall. He had no intention of arguing with someone drunk. Besides, he had long grown desensitized to the sharp words Nanyeong hurled even when sober. “Frankly, I’m the one wondering why you’re still staying in this miserable place.”

Nanyeong was drinking without even a snack to accompany the alcohol. Watching the bottle empty so quickly, Hyunjae felt a wave of disgust. It was already hard enough to deal with Nanyeong’s state, and if he started drinking like this every day, Hyunjae wasn’t sure he could handle it.

Nanyeong, who had been glaring at him silently, pointed a wobbly finger in his direction.

“Don’t say that. Come here.”

“…?”

“I’ve been waiting. I want to have sex.”

Completely intoxicated, unable to hold his head up straight, Nanyeong begged for intimacy. Knowing full well who his current appearance resembled, Hyunjae couldn’t look kindly upon the clinging man. His voice was cold as he replied.

“I don’t want to sleep with someone who reeks of alcohol.”

“Hah, but you always get hard when I kiss you….”

Nanyeong chuckled and pulled himself up. Even as Hyunjae busied himself cleaning the liquor-stained floor, the touch of skin as Nanyeong wrapped an arm around his neck sent an unsettling shiver down his spine. There was no denying the truth in Nanyeong’s words. With his eyes lowered, Hyunjae watched the pathetic display of the man he both loved and loathed.

“Did your assistant bring you the booze too?”

“Yeah. That guy’s so picky, such a hassle.”

As Nanyeong mumbled, Hyunjae cast a glance at the liquor bottle. The drink, delivered by the assistant, wasn’t cheap soju or beer but an expensive whiskey he’d never have bought for himself.

“Mm…”

Before Hyunjae could think any further, Nanyeong grabbed him by the back of the neck and kissed him. The soft, damp lips that collided with his tasted of distilled alcohol—a flavor of adulthood.

“See? You’re hard. Why do you always get like this, even when you’re being so mean to me?”

Mocking him, Nanyeong grasped him firmly through his clothes, emphasizing his arousal.

“Tsk…”

Frowning, Hyunjae calmly removed Nanyeong’s hand. But the drunk man, oblivious to the rejection, clung to him even harder. He even got excited about Hyunjae’s cold hands, which had the scent of the outdoors on them. Hyunjae pushed him away once more, this time firmly expressing his refusal.

“What’s this about?”

Nanyeong, stumbling against the wall, looked confused. Too weak to stand, he slumped back against the wall and slid to the floor. Without realizing it, Hyunjae looked at him with a cold, indifferent gaze.

“I already gave you plenty this morning. If it’s not enough, why don’t you ask your assistant to bring you a dildo too?”

Bang.

The door slammed shut behind him, and Hyunjae let out a frustrated sigh.

“Haah…”

Leaning against the sink, he caught sight of his own reflection. His face looked unnervingly stiff, even to himself. Whatever good mood he’d been in before returning home had completely evaporated. He sighed again and turned on the shower. The more time he spent facing Nanyeong, the sharper his words became.

“Terrible,” he muttered.

The mirror, fogged with water droplets, reflected his naked, youthful physique. Hyunjae stared at himself with dark, brooding eyes.

When he returned to the room, Nanyeong was lying sprawled on the floor in the same position he had been drinking in earlier. Still, he had managed to pull a blanket over himself, as if clinging to some vestige of self-preservation. The sight was so absurd it elicited a dry laugh from Hyunjae, who walked over to him.

“Get up.”

With a sigh, Hyunjae slid his arms under Nanyeong’s shoulders and effortlessly lifted him. He laid him properly on the bed, covering him with the blanket and tucking it gently around his chest. Nanyeong rolled over onto his stomach, burrowing under the covers like a child.

Seeing the small, instinctive movements as he sought comfort in the cramped and uncomfortable bed, a pang of sympathy struck Hyunjae’s heart. Nanyeong had complained countless times about how unpleasant and narrow the sleeping arrangements were. Yet now, having seemingly given up, he had adapted to them.

Without realizing it, Hyunjae’s hand reached out toward Nanyeong’s hair.

“Did you have something tasty with that girl?”

The voice drifting out from beneath the blanket made Hyunjae freeze mid-movement.

“You wouldn’t know much about good places. You didn’t take her somewhere mediocre, did you?”

Nanyeong’s voice was muffled, buried in the pillow as he lay face down.

“Mind your own business.”

“I can’t help but keep thinking about it. Is this what it feels like when your little brother dates for the first time?”

“Are there brothers who sleep with their siblings, too?”

“My analogy must’ve been off…”

Nanyeong chuckled softly, conceding to the sarcastic remark. But his ridiculous questions didn’t stop there.

“Is it a fling or a relationship?”

“What does it matter to you?”

“Do you like her a lot? Does she make your heart flutter?”

“Whatever it is, it’s not something I should be talking to you about.”

“Well, if it’s something precious, I was just wondering if I should step back.”