WANL Ch 4

For example, in the beginning, Nanyeong would ask Hyunjae about his family, where he lived, small hobbies and interests, his part-time workplace, and so on… collecting any trivial information. Thinking about it now, it could have been a sign of interest and affection, which made Hyunjae feel good. But looking back, Hyunjae realized it was actually him who had been guarded against those questions in the early days.

He even went so far as to bluntly say, “Aren’t we meeting just to have sex?” to cut off those questions.

What kind of expression did Nanyeong have when he heard that?

It’s hard to remember exactly, as it happened a while ago.

Thinking back on his own rudeness, Hyunjae felt a little embarrassed. To justify himself, he had only said that because Nanyeong’s line of questioning made him uncomfortable, and he wanted to avoid those conversations.

Hyunjae wasn’t used to exposing his vulnerabilities. Poverty had eaten away at his daily life, leaving no room for him to have any preferences. Unlike Nanyeong, who seemed to have everything, Hyunjae felt uncomfortable with Nanyeong’s questions that seemed to reveal his lack of anything to show off. It wasn’t that he hated it. There’s a difference between disliking something and feeling uncomfortable with it.

Perhaps it was because, in front of someone who seemed like a “perfect man,” he wanted to put up a façade. Maybe he wanted to delay the moment when Nanyeong would look beneath the surface, find “nothing,” and leave him disappointed.

Come to think of it, Hyunjae had always been the one to accept people who approached him. Having someone he wanted to approach first, someone he was curious about, was entirely unfamiliar to him. Honestly, he hadn’t really “tried” to get closer to anyone before.

In the beginning, it was true that he only thought about sex. He didn’t deny that. But without even realizing it, something between him and Nanyeong had gradually started to change.

Though he couldn’t pinpoint the reason for this change, Hyunjae wanted to accept the flow.

Hyunjae spoke.

“When I think about it, I realize I don’t know much about you, hyung.”

“That’s mutual. You’ve got a surprising number of secrets…”

“For that, I’m sorry.”

“Suddenly?”

Hyunjae could sense Nanyeong glancing at him, as if wondering what the apology was for. After a moment of hesitation, Hyunjae wetted his lips and continued.

“I guess you’ve probably already noticed, but there’s not much to me. I think I hated that. I was putting on a front.”

It was just meaningless inferiority, Hyunjae admitted. After confessing this late revelation, Nanyeong replied in his usual slow tone.

“You didn’t seem like someone without thoughts… Turns out you’re more thoughtful than I expected.”

“…”

“But you don’t need to think so seriously around me. After all, we’re just meeting to have sex.”

“Hmm…”

Hearing Nanyeong throw back the very words he’d once said, Hyunjae pursed his lips again. It felt like taking a hit. As he struggled to come up with a response, he glanced over to find Nanyeong smiling.

“I’m sorry.”

“There you go, apologizing again.”

“Did it bother you?”

“No.”

Nanyeong answered lightly. Should Hyunjae believe that? He was even more puzzled.

“And I don’t care what kind of person you are.”

“…”

“I prefer a blank slate if I’m going to be involved with someone.”

Hyunjae thought he might find a clue in those additional words, but they only deepened the mystery. He gave up trying to interpret them.

Still, Nanyeong’s words that it didn’t matter who he was somehow felt warm. He might speak sharply, but his heart seemed kind. Perhaps just as warm as the affectionate glances he occasionally gave Hyunjae.

It was late, and the river highway was wide open. As they drove along the winding road, Hyunjae rolled down the car window. The cool night breeze brushed across his forehead.

Nanyeong, Nanyeong… Hyunjae repeated the name in his mind a few times before suddenly asking.

“Nanyeong is a pretty name. Why Nanyeong?”

“Got a problem with it?”

Nanyeong chuckled in reply.

“It sounds like a woman’s name.”

“Is that part of your newfound interest?”

“Yes.”

Hyunjae answered truthfully, but Nanyeong, finding it amusing, just chuckled softly. Hyunjae waited as Nanyeong checked the side mirror carefully to change lanes. Nanyeong wasn’t the best driver and didn’t like being distracted while handling the wheel.

After settling into the newly changed lane, Hyunjae was about to ask his question again, thinking Nanyeong had forgotten, when Nanyeong spoke first.

“Hmm, my siblings and I share the ‘Nan’ syllable. My sisters are Nanju and Nanhee.”

“You have sisters?”

“Ah… yeah.”

Nanyeong responded vaguely. Among the three names—Nanju, Nanhee, and Nanyeong—Hyunjae concluded that Nanyeong’s name was the most gender-neutral.

“So, what’s your last name?” Hyunjae asked.

On his phone, Nanyeong was simply saved as ‘Nanyeong’ from the start, which was all he had shared.

“…Yi Nanyeong.”

The response had an odd pause. Hyunjae didn’t notice and updated his phone’s contact to ‘Yi Nanyeong.’

“You’ve just been saved as ‘Nanyeong’ until now,” Hyunjae said.

“It’s proof that our relationship is a bit unusual.”

“Fair enough.”

Hyunjae accepted it easily. Their meeting wasn’t exactly conventional, after all.

Nanyeong, Yi Nanyeong… When someone becomes special, even their name takes on a special significance. Perhaps this moment marked a turning point where Hyunjae was starting to grasp the true nature of his unclear feelings.

Rolling down the car window a little further, Hyunjae finally voiced a thought he’d kept to himself. Normally, he would have just swallowed such words.

“I thought it was unique. It suits you.”

Nanyeong was silent for a moment, then smiled at Hyunjae.

“Thanks. It’s nice to hear that.”

Nanyeong spoke calmly, with a subdued expression. Seeing him respond sincerely even to a simple compliment, Hyunjae felt it was worth being honest.

Ꮺ

As soon as they arrived at Nanyeong’s apartment and the front door shut, Hyunjae pressed his lips to Nanyeong’s ear. Sensitive areas like the blood vessels seemed to respond quickly, turning pink under the stimulation.

Hyunjae tugged at Nanyeong’s tightly knotted tie, loosening it messily. He shoved his hands under the pristine white shirt, unbothered by creases, roughly exploring the skin beneath. The buttons of Nanyeong’s shirt popped off easily, one by one, under the urgency of his hands.

When Hyunjae kissed the flat expanse of Nanyeong’s exposed chest, Nanyeong slid his hands around Hyunjae’s back, venturing boldly under his shirt to grasp at his lower back and firm hips. Though he moaned as his sensitive skin was kissed, Nanyeong pulled Hyunjae closer, pressing their bodies together.

Tonight, Nanyeong seemed particularly lascivious. They didn’t even make it to the bed, tangling together right there in the entryway. Hyunjae turned Nanyeong around, bracing him against the wall, and pulled down his belt.

“Let’s do it here.”

The clink of the belt hitting the floor echoed as Nanyeong’s slim waist and flat stomach were exposed. Hyunjae coated his fingers with saliva, roughly wetting them before slipping his hand behind Nanyeong.

“Ah…!”

“Yeah… we did it yesterday, so it’s still soft.”

“Ah, wait… your hand…”

As Nanyeong leaned against the wall, his knees buckled suddenly. Though only two fingers had entered, the inside was softer than expected, probably from their activity two days prior. It seemed adequately prepared, but Nanyeong’s breaths were still unusually labored.

“What’s wrong with my hand?” Hyunjae asked.

Nanyeong reached back, fumbling to pull Hyunjae’s fingers out.

“Your nails… when did you cut them? It hurts.”

His gaze carried a faint hint of reproach as he glanced back. Only then did Hyunjae, feeling awkward, carefully withdraw his hand. Could his nails really be that sharp? He typically kept them trimmed short. To prove his point, he held up his right hand for Nanyeong to see. Nanyeong squinted as if to confirm.

Realizing his mistake or perhaps embarrassed by the sight of the fingers that had just been inside him, a faint blush spread across Nanyeong’s pale cheeks. Watching the change, Hyunjae remarked bluntly.

“They’re always short.”

“Maybe you just trimmed them too recently… look, they’re rough.”

Turning around, Nanyeong gently inspected Hyunjae’s fingertips. Hyunjae conceded that he might be right—he hadn’t paid much attention when trimming them, and the edges might have been uneven.

“It hurt. Your nails are so thick.”

“Hmm…”

Hyunjae looked at his fingertips but honestly thought it wasn’t his fault. It was just that Nanyeong’s insides were so sensitive and soft that even these hard fingernails could cause pain.

Just thinking about it made Hyunjae’s penis harden again unintentionally. It wasn’t on purpose, but knowing the softness of those inner walls and the feeling of being tightly gripped made it inevitable. The imagination instantly reached its peak.

Noticing Hyunjae’s erection pressing against his stomach, Nanyeong glanced down and muttered, “What did I do?”

“…You stopped halfway.”

“I can’t. It might get hurt.”

“Then?”

Hyunjae asked, biting Nanyeong’s ear regretfully. He thought Nanyeong was suggesting they stop, but surprisingly, Nanyeong responded readily.

“I’ll prepare myself.”

With that, Nanyeong put his own fingers in his mouth and licked them. Hyunjae stood behind him, silently watching Nanyeong closely.

He had definitely become more skilled. Hyunjae could feel it. When they first started seeing each other, Hyunjae often suspected that Nanyeong might not be a virgin. At that time, Nanyeong didn’t even know how to open the lid of the lubricant, and when he squeezed the tube, he would be surprised if more came out than he expected and would wipe it off with a tissue. Of course, there were no problems with the sex itself, but there was an overall clumsiness that was hard to pinpoint.

“Mmm, haa…”

But now it was different. Nanyeong skillfully reached his hand behind him and used his wet fingers to penetrate himself right in front of Hyunjae.

Looking down, Hyunjae could see Nanyeong’s long, white fingers struggling to enter and then slipping out slightly. The way he moaned as he prepared himself was incredibly erotic.

“What… are you looking at?”

“I can’t help but look if you do this in front of me.”

“I can’t concentrate.”

But it seemed that he was doing this not to seduce, but simply to prepare for quick penetration. Nanyeong was busy changing angles and increasing from two to three fingers to widen his entrance.

Hyunjae pretended not to notice and kissed Nanyeong’s shoulder. He seemed a bit embarrassed by the intense stare, as Nanyeong’s neck was also flushed red.

Hyunjae licked Nanyeong’s bent neck and back while slowly growing his erection. Occasionally, he deliberately pressed his hot member against Nanyeong’s buttocks or waist.

Even though he had seen more explicit scenes, the sight of Nanyeong preparing himself was uniquely appealing.

Eventually, Hyunjae pressed his tip against the spot where Nanyeong’s fingers were still inside.

“No, not yet…”

Nanyeong tried to pull his hand away in surprise. Hyunjae firmly grabbed his wrist and slowly penetrated him. Simultaneously, Nanyeong’s thigh trembled as he took in both his own fingers and Hyunjae’s member.

“Ah, wait. This is too much. Ah, ugh…”

“Stay like this.”

Nanyeong’s long, white hand, especially the back of his hand with prominent bones, brushed against the penetrating penis. Hyunjae planned to pull out if he saw blood, but Nanyeong took it all in without any issue.

Once fully inside, the wet sounds became more intense. The angle of the fingers inserted felt different because of the penis filling the inside, and Nanyeong frequently shook his shoulders. Even though they had just started, Nanyeong’s back was already drenched in sweat.

“Huh, ugh… This feels… weird.”

“If you don’t like it, you can take your hand out.”

“Ugh, huh…”

“But you’re not taking it out.”

Embarrassed by Hyunjae’s pointed remark, Nanyeong’s nape turned bright red. By now, Nanyeong’s fingers had stopped moving and were just staying inside. Maybe he wanted to take them out but didn’t know what to do, so he just stayed still.

Hyunjae lightly kissed Nanyeong’s nape and asked, “Do you do this by yourself too?”

“Why are you curious about that, huh.”

“Aren’t your own fingers too shallow?”

As Hyunjae pulled out his penis, Nanyeong let out a short moan. His hand followed, and Nanyeong, trembling, brought his hand to the front. His fingers, wet with fluid, looked incredibly lewd.

Hyunjae spread his buttocks to look. The pink entrance was already closing as if it had never held both his penis and fingers. Watching this, Hyunjae, already in a state of extreme arousal, lightly stroked himself and aligned the tip with the hole. Expecting proper insertion, Nanyeong also began to adjust his breathing and lean against the wall. Hyunjae looked at his back, waiting obediently to be penetrated.

Nanyeong, who was a bit clumsy at first, had never hesitated or pulled away from insertion. Hyunjae often found this aspect of him surprising. The way he was nervous yet expectant, clumsy yet prepared…

Pressing the glans against the hole, the resilient skin gave way without much resistance. Pushing the thickest part in quickly, Nanyeong clenched his fists and panted. Even with the enormous sensation, knowing he had to force himself to relax, Nanyeong repeated his breaths, trying to relieve the tension in his back. Waiting for a moment, Hyunjae finally pushed his entire length deep inside.

“Haah…”

The pleasure of slow insertion was incredible. Unaware of the sweat dripping from his temples, Hyunjae slowly invaded his insides. The thick shaft moved like a living creature, continuously pushing against the delicate inner flesh. Watching Nanyeong’s waist tremble, Hyunjae felt the urge to thrust deeply into him.

“Ugh, it hurts… it’s painful. I… can’t breathe.”

“I’ll go slow.”

“Ugh, it’s painful when it goes all the way in.”

Hyunjae’s size was so large that when it filled the deepest part, it felt like it was pressing against his lungs, Nanyeong had said. It might be an exaggeration, but at times like this, Nanyeong’s reactions seemed genuinely so. The way he moaned sounded like sobbing from the pressure.

“Haah… but… thrust hard.”

“……”

“Huh? You don’t need to hold back, do… what you want. Like you’re really excited.”

Nanyeong whispered, turning his head halfway. His pale face spoke words like a prostitute.

“Are you joking? I can’t fake being excited.”

“…Ugh, haah!”

“There’s no way.”

You always stimulate me like this.

Reading the deep excitement in Hyunjae’s voice, Nanyeong smiled happily. Unknowingly, Hyunjae’s face lost its smile, and he grabbed Nanyeong’s waist tightly with both hands. Already fully inserted, he thrust as if wanting to go even deeper. The smile vanished from Nanyeong’s lips.

Ignoring Nanyeong’s breath caught in his throat, Hyunjae repeatedly pulled his hips back and thrust deeply. The sound of Nanyeong’s moans, overwhelmed with pleasure, filled Hyunjae’s ears.

Ꮺ

“If I keep seeing you for another year, my bones might melt.”

Nanyeong said, collapsing onto the bed. His usually low and firm voice was already half-hoarse. Hyunjae, sitting on the edge of the bed, drank water and looked at the clothes and towels scattered from the entrance to the bathroom, and from the bathroom to the bedroom.

“I’ve never done it with someone I didn’t like. And who was the one who said they wanted to sleep with me first?”

“Hey.”

“And you were shaking, mustering the courage to say it…”

Nanyeong, still lying down, kicked Hyunjae’s back with his outstretched leg. It didn’t hurt, but it made Hyunjae spill the water he was drinking.

Hyunjae turned around with a smirk. The atmosphere was more intimate than usual after sex. It was a side of Nanyeong in a suit that was hard to imagine. The fact that he willingly showed this side to him made Hyunjae smile.

Meeting each other’s gaze, Nanyeong also smiled, surprisingly gentle considering he had just kicked him.

“You remember that?”

“I remember.”

“I don’t remember, though.”

“You were drunk that time…”

Hyunjae drank water, recalling that day with Nanyeong.

The first impression, remembered as about 80% shock and 20% discomfort, was gradually painted over with different hues as Hyunjae and Nanyeong’s encounters repeated. Now, Hyunjae found himself wanting to see that face of Nanyeong again—the one he had seen under the glow of nightlights, speaking to him earnestly and tenderly.

Then it happened.

“I don’t regret it.”

Nanyeong murmured and sat up.

Then, he hugged Hyunjae tightly from behind.

‘Because I might regret it when I sober up tomorrow.’

Was he remembering what he had said drunkenly back then?

Nanyeong traced Hyunjae’s defined shoulder muscles with his fingertips, hanging onto his neck. His left arm circled Hyunjae’s neck while his right arm wrapped under his chest. Through their pressed-together backs, Hyunjae could feel Nanyeong’s steady heartbeat.

“I really enjoy being with you.”

“……”

“I never thought I’d be like this, but I guess people need to do crazy things every once in a while.”

Nanyeong’s breath scattered quietly near Hyunjae’s neck. Placing down the glass of water he had been drinking, Hyunjae toyed with the arms wrapped around him from behind.

“I never thought a drunken office worker would turn out to be this sexy.”

Hyunjae’s teasing remark made Nanyeong chuckle softly without making a sound. The touch of his breath on Hyunjae’s neck sent a tingling sensation down his skin, and the gentle brush of Nanyeong’s forehead against him heightened every sense. Even without looking, he could imagine Nanyeong’s expression.

“You’re especially sexy when dressed.”

“What… at least say I’m sexy when I’m undressed too.”

Nanyeong muttered. Hyunjae suddenly remembered something and asked.

“By the way, hyung, do you only wear suits? Don’t you ever wear other clothes?”

Hyunjae pointed his chin toward Nanyeong’s dressing room, tucked in the corner.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything other than formal wear.”

“What other clothes?”

“Just plain T-shirts or something. I didn’t see any.”

True to his word, Nanyeong’s closet was filled with nothing but similar-looking outfits. Hyunjae had never seen such a wardrobe before in his life. Slightly varying shades of white and blue shirts, suit jackets, and neatly packed underwear and socks still wrapped as if never opened. Even the underwear looked like it had never been laundered, as if it was discarded after one use. The wardrobe seemed surreal.

But instead of answering, Nanyeong changed the subject.

“You’ve been asking a lot of strange questions lately.”

“……”

“It’s suspicious.”

Nanyeong’s casual remark stopped Hyunjae’s hand, which had been idly playing with his arm.

Hyunjae was well aware he had changed compared to before, but he hadn’t expected Nanyeong to notice so sharply.

‘It’s impossible to hide.’

Even as he thought that, Hyunjae realized how awkward it felt to have his feelings exposed. At the same time, he finally understood how those who had shown their interest in him so openly must have felt.

…I should’ve been kinder. If I had known it was this embarrassing.

Whether or not Nanyeong knew what was going through Hyunjae’s mind, he responded a beat later.

“You’re right. Now that I think about it, most of my wardrobe is suits.”

“You’re not saying you wear suits to work out or meet friends, are you?”

“If I’m busy, that happens sometimes.”

“There’s really not even a single hoodie in your closet?”

“There might be one.”

“Can you wear it next time?”

“You’re making such odd requests.”

When Hyunjae turned to look, Nanyeong was smiling faintly. Even knowing he could smile regardless of his true feelings, that expression brought Hyunjae a sense of relief. He leaned in and kissed Nanyeong deeply on the lips.

After the soft, gentle kiss, Nanyeong spoke.

“Alright. I’ll wear it the next time we meet… Just don’t make fun of me if it looks awkward.”

It was an affirmative response. At that moment, a certainty touched Hyunjae.

A certainty that there was still room for this relationship.

The room for evolving to the next stage.

“Hyung…”

Hyunjae felt a sudden urge to say something. But the unformed words scattered like his held breath.

Why don’t you ever ask me to date you?

He almost asked that but closed his mouth at the last moment.

“What were you about to say?”

“….”

Nanyeong asked with a smile.

Hyunjae shook his head. The initial promise Nanyeong had made to sustain this relationship was clear: not to cling emotionally. Nanyeong was simply keeping that promise flawlessly.

Instead of answering, Hyunjae kissed Nanyeong deeply, feeling a pang of frustration. Who was it that had resolved to observe patiently and let this evolving relationship take its course? Hyunjae was finding it increasingly difficult to contain his growing feelings for Nanyeong.

“I just… I thought you liked me.”

At Hyunjae’s offhand remark, Nanyeong simply asked back.

“Is that what you think?”

“You do everything I ask you to.”

“…Maybe.”

Nanyeong smiled faintly.

It was an ambiguous answer, but to Hyunjae, it felt close to affirmation. He was sure it was because he had drawn a line that Nanyeong wouldn’t dare to cross.

Then how could they move to the next stage?

…Should I be the one to make the first move?

Torn, Hyunjae brushed Nanyeong’s lips. Kissing someone you like never gets old. The two of them, gazing at each other, collapsed into a long, drawn-out kiss.

Nanyeong accepted all of Hyunjae’s unusually persistent touches, gazes, and kisses without hesitation. Even with slightly swollen lips from being overly kissed, he looked at Hyunjae with warm eyes.

In that cozy atmosphere, it was Nanyeong who fell asleep first. Hyunjae watched his sleeping face, occasionally stroking his cheek or kissing him lightly so as not to wake him.

If there had been a camera above him, showing Hyunjae his own expression, he would have known even more acutely in that moment just how clearly he wore the face of someone deeply in love.

“I’m sorry.”

Hyunjae whispered as he kissed the corner of Nanyeong’s eye before slipping out of bed. He pulled out his phone from his pocket.

Click.

After taking a photo of Nanyeong’s sleeping face, Hyunjae moved it to a private folder only he could access. He was aware that he had done something Nanyeong absolutely hated, but he rationalized that it was fine since he would never show it to anyone.

He planned to keep the photo a secret, even from Nanyeong. Maybe someday, when their feelings were mutual and they were truly a couple, taking affectionate photos together, he could confess then.

Imagining such a day, Hyunjae looked at the sleeping Nanyeong and asked,

“You like me, don’t you?”

As always, the sleeping Nanyeong simply smiled faintly, offering no answer.