JL Ch6.1

Two days later, on Shin’s day off, I got into the car and told him the address of our date’s destination. He checked and hesitated.

“A furniture showroom?”

I wanted it to be a surprise, but the advanced information age ruined it. Seeing the name pop up on the screen just from the address, I reluctantly explained.

“Yeah. We’re buying a bed.”

I tried to hide my embarrassment by straightening my T-shirt. Curious about his reaction, I glanced at him and saw a smile tugging at his lips.

“Oh, I see.”

He let out a low exclamation, started the car, and asked, “Are you okay with it?”

“Okay with what?”

Why would he ask if I’m okay with buying a bed? Was he worried about me spending money? It was a big expense, but one I was willing to bear. Plus, we could get a good discount on the bed today. I’d just finished paying off my online class installments, so… While considering practical matters, another reason occurred to me.

“If we get a more comfortable bed, I might cling to you more and not leave.”

“That would be great for me.”

I replied absentmindedly, and he turned to look at me with a broad smile. Embarrassed by my overly honest response, I felt rewarded by his happy expression.

“But don’t feel pressured. I needed to replace my old furniture anyway. So, if you ever want to leave…”

“I’ll always stick by your side.”

He said this with a smile, but his eyes looked at me with an intensity that felt like an invisible chain binding me. Sometimes, when I received that gaze, I felt like I was being tethered.

“Let’s save the clinging for when it gets colder.”

It was a bit hot at night. Shin smiled again and changed the subject.

“Is there a specific reason we need to go there?”

“An acquaintance works there, so we can get a discount.”

I gave a practical answer, but his expression seemed to harden slightly, as if he wasn’t pleased. Maybe because it’s not a branded furniture store?

“Who’s the acquaintance?”

“A military buddy I met at the library a few days ago.”

“You said you didn’t even remember his face?”

“Yeah, but he offered a staff discount and said I could come anytime. I was really grateful. We weren’t even close.”

“It’s probably for his sales figures. You don’t need to feel grateful.”

True, working in a store means needing sales. I agreed but couldn’t erase my gratitude. The discount he mentioned was substantial, and I was planning to buy a large bed. That kind buddy had set aside his certification studies to show me the catalog on his phone.

“The largest bed is this one. It’s family-sized, even with kids.”

“No, I don’t need a family bed, just a large double.”

He glanced at me and quickly flipped through the catalog.

“Oh, a double. Will Song Yeonwoo be using it?”

“Yes.”

The answer came easily, surprising me. Maybe because I had already revealed my preferences, I felt no hesitation. Or perhaps looking at the bed catalog made me think of Shin and I answered without thinking. Even if he guessed I had a boyfriend, it made me feel good, despite the slight embarrassment.

Now, taking Shin to the store wasn’t just about buying a bed. I wanted to show my acquaintance that I had someone like Shin. More than anything, I felt a strong urge to show off my first relationship. Ah, when friends bragged about their partners, it was because of feelings like this. I finally understood.

“Do we really need to buy it there?”

Shin suddenly asked, his tone sharp. Surprised, I turned to him. Maybe I misheard, but he casually said while looking ahead,

“I want to buy the bed since I’ll be the one clinging to you.”

I was about to say it was okay and that I’d buy it when he added,

“I also want to look at other beds.”

Oh, I remembered the big, nice bed at Shin’s place. Unlike my old, squeaky one, it was firm and comfortable. What happened to that bed? When Shin moved into my place, I asked if it was okay to leave his house empty. He said not to worry and changed the subject, so I never got a clear answer. It wasn’t easy to dispose of a house, and I assumed he wouldn’t stay long at my place, given how nice his place was. But he adapted surprisingly well.

“Your place,” I cautiously started.

“Is it really okay to leave it like that?”

“Yes.”

His brief, firm answer made it hard for me to voice my small concern about the monthly maintenance fees. He hadn’t brought all his belongings, and when helping his grandfather, he seemed to stop by his place to change clothes.

Yet he was living diligently at my place without complaints. It felt like he was saying that being with me, wherever that was, was enough. This made me feel heavy-hearted. Then I thought, shouldn’t I go wherever he is? If his place is more comfortable, shouldn’t I compromise?

Given the stark difference between our places, the word “compromise” seemed out of place. Moving into his place felt more like an intrusion. But if I truly cared for him, I should set aside these feelings and move to where he felt comfortable. Yet, I couldn’t say it out loud.

Unlike him, who had cut ties and immediately moved in with me, I couldn’t let go of my pride or how others perceived me. This dampened my spirits. At that moment, my phone buzzed with a message.

– If I’m away, please contact me if you arrive. I’ll be right back.

It was the military buddy I met a few days ago.

“Ah, but we should check out the store I mentioned first. Then we can visit other stores too.”

As I checked the message, there was a pause before Shin asked, “Why?”

It was the same sharp tone I had sensed earlier. But there was no reason for Shin to be upset, so I brushed off my confusion and showed him the screen with the message.

“He seems to be waiting for me since I said I’d come.”

“Did you give him your phone number?”

His unexpected question made me pause with my phone in mid-air.

“Yeah. I mentioned I was coming to buy something.”

“Tell him you won’t be coming.”

Shin changed lanes. To get to the destination I mentioned, we needed to be in the right-turn lane, but he turned on the blinker and moved into the left-turn lane. Did he dislike that furniture store so much? It seemed to be a well-known place with lots of advertisements.

“Can’t we just go take a look?”

Our car stopped behind a long line of vehicles in the new lane. Shin could have looked at me while the car was stationary, but he kept his gaze ahead for a long time, which made me a bit nervous. Why did he seem angry?

“There’s no reason to go if we’re not buying anything. Or do you need to see that friend?”

Was there another reason to go? Yes, there was. I wanted to show off Shin to one of the few people who knew about my relationship. But it was such a childish reason that I averted my gaze.

“Is there?”

“No, um, no.”

Feeling my face heat up, I turned completely towards the window.

“Hey…”

“We’re going to the mall, right? Great. We can do some shopping too.”

I quickly changed the subject, and though he seemed like he wanted to say something, he just nodded. However, the awkwardness lingered, and we didn’t talk until we arrived at the mall.

In the furniture store, I earnestly looked at beds, but Shin seemed uninterested, only glancing around while watching me. I thought he might be bothered by not going to my friend’s store, so I said we didn’t have to go, but he just silently looked at me before turning away.

He seemed like he felt guilty. I wanted to tell him not to worry, but being outside made it difficult to say more. We chatted as usual, but the awkwardness lingered. On the way home, I found myself lost in thought about why I wanted to buy a bed. It felt like I was just trying to show off while not giving up anything myself.

“Don’t worry about buying the bed if you don’t want to.”

He said lightly as we got out of the car, but his eyes were carefully observing me. I hadn’t bought a bed after all.

“No, I will buy one. I just couldn’t decide today. Sorry, it must be uncomfortable for you.”

He smiled wryly at my words.

“Hey, I’m more selfish than you think.”

What? That made no sense. How could he say that? He was one of the most selfless people I knew, even serving as a police officer until a few months ago.

“If I was uncomfortable, I’d persuade you to change it. I’m good at convincing you.”

As he said this, his gaze shifted to my body. Seeing the blatant desire in his eyes, I turned away and laughed awkwardly.

“Yeah, you’re good at convincing. You always said just once more.”

He seemed to catch my mumbled words and smiled warmly.

“Oh, that.”

That? I had a lot to say, but it would only be embarrassing, so I stopped. This brief conversation seemed to ease the tension, so I wanted to keep it going. Instead of heading home, I stopped and suggested,

“Want some ice cream?”

It was a particularly beautiful sunset. The sky looked like it was painted with blue and red hues. Today was one of those rare days where the beauty of the sky made you stop in your tracks.

I was usually stuck at the library until late, so seeing the sky at this hour was a rare treat. Despite the sunset being a common sight, I had rarely stopped to appreciate it. Busy, tired, uninterested—there were plenty of excuses. Yet the sky always offered its beauty, which made me appreciate it even more now.

“It’s pretty.”

Shin’s short remark came from beside me. He was also looking at the sky, with just the stick of his finished ice cream left in his mouth. We had bought one each, but he finished his in three bites. Impressive. I smiled as I took another bite of my ice cream.

As I enjoyed the sweet, cool ice cream and lowered my gaze from the sky, I realized Shin was looking at me. When I turned my head, I noticed he often watched me first. This realization added to my sense of indebtedness. He moved into my place without hesitation, endured discomfort, and accepted my small bed without complaint.

“Why?”

His eyes were gentle.

“The furniture store where my friend works…”

The gentleness in his eyes disappeared instantly, replaced by a coldness, though he still smiled.

“Why there?”

“I had a reason I wanted to go.”

I felt an impulsive urge to confess. Revealing my sense of indebtedness wouldn’t reduce it, but maybe showing a bit of my embarrassment would make him happy. Or would it?

“He figured out my preferences. So I ended up telling him…”

“How did he guess? You said you barely spoke to him.”

He didn’t miss a beat. Maybe it was his old police instincts. I reluctantly explained about Cho Sungkyun, my military buddy, and glanced at Shin. He muttered quietly with narrowed eyes.

“… Tooth.”

“Huh?”

“No. So?”

So. When it came to actually saying it, the words I had been struggling to start with felt trivial, and my courage suddenly vanished. Still, because of the gaze waiting for my answer, I opened my tightly shut mouth.

“I told that person I needed a double bed. So they immediately figured out I had a partner living with me.”

Unable to look at Shin, I just walked forward, quickly spitting out the rest.

“So I wanted to go with you and, you know, show off a bit.”

The word “show off” came out as a mumble, so I wasn’t sure if he heard it properly, but I didn’t check by looking at him. Instead, I bit the plastic wrapper of my half-finished ice cream, focusing on squeezing the cold treat into my mouth with both hands until my mouth went numb. It was when I had nearly finished and lowered my hands.

I froze with the popsicle still in my mouth and stopped walking. I looked at Shin, who had stopped half a step ahead of me, and then lowered my gaze. He was holding my hand. Reflexively, I looked around. Fortunately, there were only a few people walking far away; no one nearby had seen us.

“Don’t mind them.”

He spoke lightly, pulling me along. But two men holding hands would attract attention. I tried to pull my hand away, but he held on tighter.

“I want to show off too.”

He slightly lowered his head and ran a hand through his hair. He looked a bit embarrassed, so I stopped trying to pull away. No, more than that, I was distracted by his smile and forgot why I wanted to pull away in the first place. His lips were just slightly curved, but it looked more pleasant than a big smile.

“Just until we get home.”

He added, starting to walk again while holding my hand. The distance to home, which took only a few minutes, felt unusually long and made my heart pound.

[What? You have someone living with you?]

Although I was now living alone, it was a place where my family used to stay, so I thought I should let them know about living with Shin. But how much should I tell them? Depending on the level of the confession, it required courage, so I hadn’t been able to tell my family for a while.

Part of me thought Shin might only stay for a short while. Of course, by now, I had mostly accepted that he had no such intention. So I was pondering when and how to tell my family, but the opportunity came unexpectedly.

[Anyway, the company provides accommodation for me, so I can stay there. I just wanted to see you.]

In the morning, my brother-in-law called to say he was coming to Seoul for a business trip and would stop by the house. So I had no choice but to reveal that I had a cohabitant. Previously, when he was on a business trip, he had stayed at my place, so he probably intended to do so again. I added quickly, feeling embarrassed.

[It’s true. This time, I’m traveling with a colleague. But…]

My brother-in-law hesitated, then asked carefully.

[Is your cohabitant a man?]

The cautious tone made my scalp tingle. Normally, when asking if it’s a woman, people aren’t that careful, right? But asking in such a cautious tone if it’s a man… thanks to my sensitive radar, I intuitively knew.

He knows about my orientation. The only person who could have told him was Yura… How did Yura find out about me? Leaning against the wall, I rubbed my forehead. I really hadn’t given any clues. No, I hadn’t done anything that would make it obvious.

[Brother-in-law?]

“Ah, yes. It’s a man.”

[Oh… Is he a police officer?]

This time I wanted to cover my mouth. I had briefly mentioned Shin when talking to Yura before. It was really short because I ran into Yura’s friend at the library, so how did she figure it out? I was flustered and could only answer with a simple “yes.”

[Oh, I see.]

“Brother-in-law.”

When I called seriously, I heard a spirited “yes” in response. By now, I was crouching against the wall with my head lowered. One thing I had learned from frequenting the library was that I knew secluded spots where I could talk on the phone without disturbance. I never imagined I would come out in such a place.

“When did you find out?”

[Uh, about what?]

The obvious nervousness in his voice only confirmed that he knew.

“My orientation. Did Yura tell you?”

There was a series of “uh, uh, uh” sounds before he hesitantly answered.

[Yura wasn’t sure either. She just said it seemed that way… because you never dated or showed interest in women.]

“There are plenty of people who don’t date or show interest in women.”

[Come on, those people can’t date. You just didn’t.]

What nonsense. I hastily denied it.

“No, I couldn’t either.”

[Brother-in-law, don’t you look in the mirror?]

“I look in the mirror every morning when I wash my face.”

[… Yeah, sure.]

The half-hearted reply lacked conviction. What was that? Did I seem like someone who didn’t even wash properly?

[Anyway, Yura is really worried about you. Even if he’s a police officer, you never know what people are really like.]

“He’s a good person.”

[You only know after living with them.]

“Do you have any complaints about Yura after living with her?”

[No! Not at all. If anything, I’m the one who’s lacking. Yura is too good for me.]

Fortunately, my brother-in-law knew the exemplary answer to give to his brother-in-law. If it were another topic, I would have praised him for the correct answer, but I didn’t have the luxury to do that now.

[When you said that policeman moved into your house, I wondered if he was broke. Well, he wouldn’t scam you since he’s a cop.]

“He’s richer than me. He even owns a house.”

[Oh, nowadays, does anyone really own their house? It’s the bank’s.]

… Is Shin’s house also owned by the bank? Maybe he moved into my place because his mortgage was too much?

“It seems like his grandfather is wealthy too.”

[If that’s the case, my maternal grandfather is also wealthy. He has so much land in the countryside.]

Really?! I felt a bit embarrassed about my reaction to the word ‘wealthy,’ but I was glad that Yura might live comfortably. However, my brother-in-law’s voice remained cold.

[But my mother has seven siblings. And there are thirteen cousins below them. So even if he’s wealthy, there’s not much left for a grandson.]

I guess. It makes sense if he’s just a grandson.

“Well, it’s fine even if he doesn’t have much money.”

[Are you going to support him?]

Of course, I can support him. I’ve been taking care of my family so far. I was so taken aback by the question, which sounded like a joke, that I couldn’t answer immediately. Then my brother-in-law gasped in shock.

[What? Are you really going to support him?]

“No, I mean, if it comes to that… But even if I don’t, he can take care of himself.”

I mean, he is wealthy… right?

[Yura says you’re too naive, so you need to be careful.]

“How can you say I’m naive at my age?”

[It’s your first relationship with a guy, isn’t it?]

No matter how clumsy my coming out was, it was awkward and embarrassing to admit it as a relationship out loud.

“…Yeah.”

[Wow, really?! So you really are into guys. Wow.]

What is this? Is this what it feels like to be scammed? The tension in the conversation suddenly eased. Unlike me, my brother-in-law’s voice was filled with concern.

[You moved in together in your first relationship. That’s amazing, brother-in-law. How long have you been hiding this from your family?]

“No, I didn’t hide it.”

[Come on, considering your personality, you must have been dating for at least a year to move in together. You didn’t move in after just a month or two, did you?]

Actually, that’s exactly what happened.

“…Maybe?”

[Haha, you shouldn’t ask me that.]

He laughed as if he thought I was joking. On the contrary, I completely lost my sense of humor. I had to stop the conversation here, so I quickly said the important thing.

“Don’t tell Yura anything yet.”

[Why not?]

Because it would be a hassle. She might come over immediately, eyes filled with suspicion, and dissect Shin.

[Brother-in-law, just take this opportunity to tell your family everything. Even if someone opposes, Yura and I will support you.]

His unexpected support left me flustered. I hadn’t even considered coming out, let alone receiving such easy support. The one who might oppose would probably be my mother. Surprisingly, I wasn’t too worried about my father. After being scammed by a friend long ago, he built walls in his relationships, even with family.

Over time, the family adapted to him, and my mother found her own way to communicate with him. But my sister and I had spent little time with him, leaving a sense of distance. I anticipated that my father wouldn’t interfere in closing that gap. My mother… even if she gets angry, if I apologize and ask for forgiveness, she would eventually accept it.

I realized I have a really good family. I suddenly thought of Shin’s father, who had scolded him. Shin probably wants to be accepted by his family too, doesn’t he? He would be happy if they supported him, right? But it seems difficult with his paternal family. Is his maternal grandfather the only one left? But I heard his maternal grandfather got angry when he found out about Shin’s orientation.

[Once Yura confirms that your boyfriend is a good person, she’ll take care of convincing your parents. Don’t worry.]

I snapped out of my daze at my brother-in-law’s words.

“No, don’t tell Yura yet. If you tell her before I do, I’ll tell my cop boyfriend to investigate you.”

It was a ridiculous threat, but my brother-in-law responded with a spirited “Yes.” What’s up with that? Does he have something to hide?

[But be careful, brother-in-law.]

“It’s okay. He’s a good person…”

[Oh, I have to go now. I’ll contact you when I get there!]

Listening to the concerns of my younger brother-in-law, I hung up and got up. But I couldn’t leave right away. My heart pounded, not because of the lightness and nonchalance of my first coming out to a family member, but because of the realization that there was no turning back now.

There was a bit of fear about truly stepping onto an irreversible path. But even that fear was mixed with a flutter of anticipation. I had to calm my embarrassment in a place where no one was around.

– The bed arrives at 3, right? Are you sure you’ll be okay alone?

Yes. I ended up buying the bed. Despite days of deliberation, the purchase was made in an instant, making me a slave to the credit card company for 12 months. But thanks to the mercy of interest-free installments, I felt a bit lighter. The bed I bought online was scheduled to arrive today, two days later.

I wasn’t the one setting it up, so why wouldn’t I be okay alone? Yet, I was overreacting because of the symbolic nature of the bed. I must be crazy. The only symbolism of a bed is a good night’s sleep. I shook my head, about to reply to the message when his reply appeared first, probably due to my silence.

– Do you want to change the delivery date to a day we’re both there?

– No. I’m not a child.

– Good.

What was fortunate? Did he really think I couldn’t handle it alone? As I was feeling confused, another message appeared.

– I wanted to try it out quickly.

I suddenly remembered what he said before, wanting to try various things on a large bed. Pushing away the rising lascivious thoughts, I focused on the bed’s primary function.

– It looks perfect for a good night’s sleep.

There was no immediate response, but for some reason, I felt like he was smiling. I thought I handled it well, but I was mistaken.

Right. I think I’ll sleep well with me deep inside you.

Startled, I quickly flipped my phone over and glanced around. Even though I knew no one would come over to my spot and see my phone, I was worried someone might see that text. I couldn’t bring myself to check my phone again. Instead, I hung my head and tried to hide my flushed face with my arm. Why does Shin make such lewd comments so often? The library was cool, but my reddened face didn’t cool down easily.

I decided to leave early, arriving near home around 2 PM. I got off one stop earlier to buy some necessities at the market and walked up the back road to my villa. At the corner of the alley where my villa was visible, there was a small supermarket, one of the few surviving among the convenience stores.

One of its survival strategies was the two parasol tables in front of the store. On summer nights, people often drank beer there. The grilled squid they sold was also amazing. But in the scorching midday of August, even the parasol’s shade wasn’t popular.

I had no intention of sitting under the parasol either, but an elderly man in his 70s, his face flushed from the heat, was sitting there sweating. Though the temperature had dropped a bit in mid-August, today’s late heat pushed the midday temperature above 32 degrees Celsius.

With high humidity, even young people were worn out by the heat, so it was surely tougher for the elderly. He was also expending his energy glaring at my villa. I couldn’t take my eyes off him until I entered the store, picked what I needed, and headed to the counter. 

The sweat he shed while glaring at the alley seemed unusual. Before paying, I grabbed a cold drink and headed outside. I approached the elderly man, who looked dry and slightly irritable.

“Sir, are you alright in this heat?”

This wasn’t something I usually did. He seemed exhausted but hadn’t collapsed, and he hadn’t asked for help. But maybe recalling my first meeting with Shin, and how my good deed brought such fortune, made me feel indebted. I felt I had received an overly generous reward for a small deed. So I thought I needed to repay this debt. Even so, if he said he was okay, I planned to just give him the drink and head to my destination.

“Why are you giving this to me?”

His voice was sharp and wary. Right, in this harsh world, you shouldn’t accept things from strangers. I bowed my head slightly to show my apology.

“You looked hot.”

I awkwardly smiled and picked up the drink I had put down. As I turned to leave, the elderly man’s gruff voice stopped me.

“Then leave it.”

He’s quite prickly. I put the drink back down and tried to turn around again, but he stopped me once more.

“How much is this?”

“It’s alright.”

“Do I look like a beggar to you?”

“…It’s 1,600 won. But it’s a 1+1 deal, so it’s 800 won.”

Yes, this supermarket had 1+1 deals. For the first time, the frown on the elderly man’s face disappeared, and a satisfied look appeared in his eyes.

“Well done.”

I didn’t understand what he meant by well done, but I greeted him and tried to head home. But my role wasn’t over yet. The elderly man suddenly let out a long groan and clutched his forehead with his hand.

“Sir, should we move to a cooler place? Shall I call your children, or maybe you could rest at the café nearby…?”

“No. I need to see that bastard’s face who brought my child to such a shabby place with my own eyes.”

The elderly man pointed a shaky finger in the direction of my villa. It must be a mistake, right?

“And Hong will be here soon… Ah, there he is.”

A man in his early 50s was running towards us from the direction I came from.

“Chairman! How could you escape from the hospital like that?!”

What? He escaped from the hospital? I was so shocked that I missed my chance to leave. Meanwhile, the man, apparently Hong, who arrived like he used teleportation, was scolding the elderly man.

“How did you even get here, and… sigh… why are you here?”

“My precious child ran away and is living in that dump. I have to see it with my own eyes, don’t I?”

The elderly man repeated what he said to me, pointing in the direction of my villa. No matter how I looked at it, his finger was pointing at my building. It couldn’t be, right?

“You can’t just wait here without a plan.”

“It’s not without a plan. The bus stop is connected to that street, so they’ll come this way. That’s their home, so they’ll come eventually, right?”

The world called this unplanned.

“And stop talking to me. I’m dizzy.”

“Oh, you’re dizzy. Well, even if you faked being sick to get hospitalized, you were still a patient. If you escaped and stayed under the scorching sun for hours, you’d be dizzy.”

Mr. Hong was speaking politely, but his words were scolding. He must have had a tough working life. I felt a bit of sympathy and tried to leave, but failed for the third time.

“Oh, give this student my business card.”

The elderly man suddenly pointed at me. He must have been really dizzy since he couldn’t remove his hand from his forehead. Mr. Hong looked at me with curious eyes.

“I was just passing by. I asked if he was okay because he looked unwell. That’s all.”

“He gave me a drink too.”

The elderly man weakly tattled about my good deed. I gave Mr. Hong an embarrassed smile.