JL Ch2.5

“Don’t leave, I’ll be there in 2 hours.”

The only thing that registered in my mind was the phrase “2 hours.” Wait, I was still in the clothes I wore yesterday and hadn’t properly washed up! I couldn’t bring myself to use the bathroom freely in someone else’s house, so I had hurriedly gotten up and left to go home.

I took the elevator down to the first floor and looked around, trying to find the lobby. As I walked toward the entrance, a person who had been on the phone at the doorway kept staring at me with narrowed eyes. When I got closer, he hung up and suddenly called out to me.

“Hey, why are you coming from there?”

Me? I looked around, but I was the only one there.

“Why are you coming out of Kim Shin’s place?”

I was genuinely shocked. How did he know where I was coming from? I was so surprised that I didn’t even register his rude tone. When I didn’t respond immediately, he frowned.

“Can’t you hear me? Why are you coming out of Kim Shin’s place?”

“How do you know that?”

He looked at me incredulously.

“You just came out of Kim Shin’s elevator.”

Oh, the elevator. That’s when I realized why the elevator only had buttons for Shin’s place, the first floor, and the underground parking lot. It was a private elevator for Shin’s home. …He’s really wealthy. While I was digesting this small shock, the guy was getting more irritated.

“You’re not seriously telling me you spent the night at Kim Shin’s place, are you? No, you couldn’t have. Kim Shin never brings just anyone to his place…”

He was getting all worked up, then suddenly stopped and looked me up and down. His gaze lingered on my face. It seemed like he was seeing my face properly for the first time, his eyes widening slightly before his eyebrows furrowed.

“Who… are you?”

Now he asks. But I had no intention of answering someone who spoke so rudely to me, even if he was someone Shin knew. I pressed the button to open the glass door to leave. As I walked out, he grabbed my arm.

I reflexively twisted my arm to shake him off. He was only slightly taller than me, and we weren’t that different in build, so I didn’t lose in strength. He looked at me with surprised eyes, not expecting me to break free so quickly.

“Hey, what’s your deal? Why are you leaving without saying anything?”

“I don’t see any reason to respond to someone who starts a conversation with rude language.”

I explained calmly and started walking again. It was rush hour, and I was in a hurry because the bus would be crowded. But the rude guy followed me and grabbed my arm again. Of course, as soon as he touched me, I pulled my arm away, and he quickly let go this time.

“Sigh. Hey, you. Okay, fine, you.”

He let out a frustrated laugh and pulled out a business card from his wallet, holding it between his index and middle fingers and offering it to me.

“I’m Joo Kangho, a friend of Kim Shin. Now, tell me. Did you spend the night at Kim Shin’s place? Did he bring you to his house?”

He kept scrutinizing my face as he asked. His gaze made me uncomfortable, like I was an item on display. Instead of taking the card, I glanced at the name written on it.

“Mr. Joo Kangho, I don’t want to answer.”

He looked at me with a dumbfounded expression, clearly feeling wronged.

“What do you mean? I introduced myself and didn’t even use informal language.”

“That’s basic manners.”

I informed him calmly and turned away. I heard him cursing behind me, but I ignored it and quickened my pace. I was puzzled as to why he was asking such things but tried not to dwell on it. Ignoring nonsense, even if it piqued my curiosity, had become a habit.

This might have been a survival instinct I developed over seven years of working to avoid stress. I hoped Shin could ignore and let it go too. That so-called friend of his seemed likely to spout nonsense often.

I needed to get home quickly to wash up and change clothes. With this thought, I hurried home, but when I arrived, my house, which I had only been away from for a day, felt unfamiliar. Compared to Shin’s spacious, cool, and nice home, my place suddenly seemed shabby. Was it always this small?

“…Well, having a roof over your head and a place to lie down is as good as a palace. It’s better than sleeping on the streets,” I thought, trying to lift my spirits as I habitually reached for my phone to check the time. But it wasn’t in my pocket. Where was it? I was about to search my bag when I realized I had left it at Shin’s place.

In my haste to get home, I hadn’t noticed I’d left my phone behind. Figuring I’d just wash up and head back, I hurriedly took off my clothes and stepped into the small bathroom. The main reason for wanting to wash up was that I felt dirty, but there was also another reason, a “just in case” kind of reason.

If there were any chance of some physical contact… I couldn’t help but laugh at my own thoughts, leaning against the wall. Wow, am I crazy? Why am I thinking about this already? Am I possessed by a demon of lust? Scolding myself, I scrubbed my body vigorously under the pouring water, but my thoughts kept drifting in that direction.

But if it does happen, maybe starting with a kiss… My heart raced at the mere thought, and I found myself leaning against the wall again. As the older one, I’d probably have to lead. Just imagining it made my mouth dry and my heart pound. Could I lead properly when I was already this excited?

“Wow.”

I was so elated, I might be seen as crazy for grinning like an idiot in the shower. Trying to regain my composure, I lathered myself up with soap. Just in case, I also washed thoroughly down below, hesitating as I reached between my buttocks. Wait, does that mean I’d be the bottom?

My previously joyous heart froze for a moment. I heard it can be painful. I swallowed nervously. Standing under the stream of water, I cautiously soaped up the area and gently inserted a finger. Thanks to the slippery soap, it went in smoothly and didn’t hurt at all.

Right, many people say it feels good. And it’s not like it’s happening right now anyway. Despite these thoughts, I continued to wash thoroughly, just in case. There’s no need to worry prematurely. For all I know, Shin might prefer to be the bottom. …What if he really does? I was startled by my own thoughts.

I stopped and stood under the showerhead, dazed. Then I started scrubbing my genitals meticulously. Of course, I didn’t plan on making a move today. Shin must be upset about his grandfather. I felt guilty for having such lustful thoughts when he probably wasn’t thinking about any of this.

But it wouldn’t hurt to do some research in advance. If neither of us knew what we were doing, our first time could end in failure. Should I watch some adult videos? I quickly shook my head.

I’ve seen videos before, but porn is just porn. The awkward positions for the camera and the soulless motions to just get it over with are obvious in the fake moans.

I believe that being with someone you love and actually having sex would be different. Just thinking about it made me excited and happy. These feelings couldn’t be faked or captured on camera. If I ever did it with Shin…

“Sigh.”

I let out a sigh and leaned against the wall one last time. Damn, my heart might burst before anything even happens.

It didn’t take me two hours to rush home and back, so I didn’t think it would be a problem. As I stepped out of the elevator, planning to ask Shin if he wanted to go out for a meal, I froze.

Shin’s front door was slightly ajar. A chill ran down my spine. Did I leave it open? No, I distinctly remember hearing the click of the door closing.

Why is it open? Did Shin come home? Cautiously, I stepped inside, noticing that the large door dividing the entrance and the living room was also wide open. But Shin’s shoes weren’t at the entrance. A shiver ran through me. Was it a burglar? I hurriedly took off my shoes and walked down the hallway, stopping at the entrance to the living room.

Luckily, it wasn’t a burglar. Shin was standing by the table. But I couldn’t approach him. His back was turned, and the atmosphere was tense.

My fear of a burglar vanished, replaced by a strange tension. Even though it was just his back, I couldn’t bring myself to speak. Sensing someone, Shin slowly turned. His expression was blank, but it felt like a different person, cold and distant. Words spilled out of my mouth in a rush, almost like an excuse.

“I, uh, I went home. You got here quickly.”

He didn’t respond. Was he angry? I blinked in surprise as he let out a big sigh and ran a hand through his hair.

“Sigh.”

He lowered his head and bit his lip. It was only then that I noticed what he was holding in one hand—my phone. But what shocked me more was his feet. He was wearing shoes inside the house. Why would he come inside with shoes on? Shocked, I stared at him as he took another deep breath and muttered.

“I thought you ran away.”

“I didn’t steal anything.”

Luckily, he laughed at my joke. His laugh eased the tension that had gripped my body. He looked at me and then, seemingly embarrassed, looked away.

“I was worried I might have scared you with my reaction.”

“No, you didn’t scare me. If anything, I made you uncomfortable first.”

I ended up disturbing someone who was sleeping and startled them awake. Remembering what I had done, I also turned my gaze away. Come to think of it, leaving shoe marks in a clean room was a bit daunting.

“Why did you come in with your shoes on? Take them off quickly.”

“Why do we need to?”

Ignoring my words, he approached me with his shoes still on. Feeling uneasy about the marks his shoes might leave on the floor, I answered vaguely.

“I was washing up. Your shoes…”

“Wash up?”

His questioning made me recall the thoughts I had while showering. Unconsciously, I licked my lips and looked up. For a moment, his gaze followed my lips, then he looked up and met my eyes.

“Did you wash up?”

“…It was just too dirty.”

Unlike my nervousness, he smiled broadly without a sound. Then, suddenly, he lowered his head towards my neck. Startled, I took a step back. His smile faded slightly but he spoke softly.

“You smell good.”

It was worth washing twice. Still, embarrassed at the thought that my intentions might be obvious, I bombarded him with questions.

“How’s Grandpa? Did you eat? I haven’t eaten either. If you haven’t eaten, shall we eat together? Hey, and take off your shoes.”

“He passed the critical stage. I haven’t eaten. I’ll take off my shoes later.”

He glanced at his feet, then took my hand and pulled me outside.

“Let’s eat first.”

He looked a bit tired from not sleeping, but his appetite was strong. As it was a late morning, there weren’t many customers in the restaurant. I didn’t expect to have Samgyetang for the first meal of the day.

Considering the high price, I diligently picked out the bones and ate, chatting to fill the awkward silence. Unlike me, he was quieter than usual, focusing on his meal without saying much. He didn’t seem in a bad mood, though. He kept smiling whenever I made silly remarks.

“Grandpa won’t be able to eat kimbap for a while. I can make good porridge, so I’ll teach you.”

“…”

“You don’t like porridge?”

He didn’t respond, so I called his name, and he finally looked up.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

“I said, learn how to make porridge. For Grandpa.”

Oh, porridge. He mumbled absentmindedly, then scooped the last bit from the bottom of his bowl. Wondering if he was worried about Grandpa, I carefully asked,

“Is Grandpa really okay?”

“Yeah. For now.”

He muttered absently, then pointed to my bowl with his chin.

“Finish your food.”

Well, I should finish it. It’s expensive. I nodded and continued eating. He openly watched me. I glanced at him while eating a piece of radish kimchi. When our eyes met, he smiled and gently brushed my bangs aside. Even though he didn’t touch my skin, his tenderness made my heart race. Feeling my face heat up, I quickly pulled back.

“I’m fine.”

Mumbling with my mouth full, I focused on eating. His gaze was on me the whole time, making me unsure if I was eating food or the spoon. Finally, after forcing down the last bit and drinking some water, he immediately stood up, grabbed my hand, and pulled me outside.

“Wait, we need to pay…”

“It’s done.”

When? I wondered but he didn’t answer. Instead, he put me in the car and forcefully closed the automatic door. His hurried actions made me think the hospital had called. But once in the car, he said no.

“I’m going home.”

It didn’t take long to reach his house. He remained silent the entire way, and I couldn’t bring myself to speak. However, the silence ended as soon as we stepped inside, the door closing behind us.

As soon as we entered the foyer, he turned and grabbed my arm tightly, looking down at me. He asked in a low, urgent voice, as if he had been holding back,

“Did you understand what I said to you at dawn?”

‘I’ll misunderstand, okay?’

His voice echoed in my mind. As it did, surprisingly, I was transported back to that early morning. The trembling hands and heart as I touched him in the dark, the breath that completely stopped. And the moment when my entire body felt like a beating heart as I listened to his whispers. That moment now overlapped with the present.

As I tried to take the lead like a proper older brother, my resolve to confess vanished completely. Strangely, I felt more nervous than I did at dawn. The words I had managed to say then wouldn’t come out now. As he waited for my reaction, he moved a little closer.

The hand that had grabbed my arm moved up to grasp the back of my neck. His large hand, covering my nape, was firm and hot. Goosebumps spread from where he touched, reaching my heart. I wanted to step back.

But he leaned in closer. The distance between us was now only a handspan. His warm breath brushed my face as he spoke in a low voice.

“I’ll say it properly.”

I finally lifted my head and met his eyes. His gaze held mine as if binding me with chains. His eyes, dark and fiery, seemed to burn. Yet his whispered words were soft, like a sigh.

“I like you.”

“…”

“What about you?”

I couldn’t open my mouth. My body didn’t respond, as if broken, and my mind didn’t function. So I couldn’t even say the single word, ‘Me too.’ The only thing moving was my overloaded heart.

I knew I was being foolish. I wasn’t acting like a man, or like an older brother, but I had never felt my heart race and my body heat up uncontrollably like this before, so I instinctively wanted to avoid it. I turned my head and twisted my body. At that moment, his hand that was holding my neck grabbed my shoulder tightly.

“No. You can’t go.”

His voice was cold and frightening, and I mumbled, barely audible, “It’s not that…” It didn’t matter whether he heard me or not. He was right behind me, and my knees trembled as if I might collapse. I covered my face with my hands and mumbled again.

“I-I like you too…”

My voice was so small and shaky that it was almost embarrassing. But he must have understood. He froze as if he had stopped breathing. Then suddenly, he wrapped his other arm around my waist, pulling me tightly against him.

My shoulders, back, and hips all touched him. A chill formed in my lower abdomen. I found it hard to breathe. It wasn’t just because his embrace was so tight. He lowered his head and pressed his lips to the nape of my neck. His breath and warmth felt hot, yet I got goosebumps like ice.

“Is it true? Really?”

He whispered and kissed my neck. His wet tongue touched my skin. My face felt like it was about to explode with heat, and I awkwardly nodded. His arms tightened around me, and his lips continued to move.

It wasn’t just that which sent me into a panic. His hand, which was wrapped around my waist, slipped under my shirt. My stomach tensed in response. Ignoring my reaction, his hand roamed my waist and abdomen, then slipped halfway into my pants. I gasped as his hand pulled me closer by my lower abdomen.

I could feel his large, hard erection pressing against my lower back. My heart, which couldn’t be more surprised, pounded heavily. Being a man myself, I knew exactly what it meant. Yet, I was at a loss, twisting my body and covering my face with the back of my hand.

He continued kissing my neck, the wet sounds echoing in my ears like thunder. His kisses trailed up my neck to my earlobe, which he sucked with his lips. A small scream nearly escaped from me. Luckily, it didn’t come out, but my voice trembled as I spoke. I felt I needed to let him know.

“S-sorry. I-I’ve never… I’m a virgin.”

His hand, which had been touching my bare skin, and his lips, which had been teasing my ear, stopped. He remained still for a while, so I opened my eyes. His heavy breaths echoed in my ear. Then his arms tightened around me again, squeezing me hard.

“This is driving me crazy.”

His voice was low and rough. I didn’t know why it sounded so erotic to me. A sharp electric sensation spread through my lower abdomen. He quickly removed his hand from my pants and added,

“Sorry. I won’t go all the way.”

Before I could even ask what he meant, he swiftly yanked down my sweatpants along with my underwear, pulling them below my thighs in one motion. My lower body was suddenly exposed to the cool air. Before I could even process what was happening, his hand gripped my penis.

My mind froze in confusion from the unfamiliar sensation, while the sensitive touch on my penis made my lower abdomen and thighs tremble. The feeling spreading across my entire penis was like an intense tickling, but more powerful and irresistible, making me squirm.

Just his hand holding my penis made it hard for me to breathe, so I exhaled heavily with my mouth open. I didn’t even notice when he unzipped his pants and pulled out his own erection. It wasn’t until something hot and hard pressed against my upper buttocks that I realized what had happened.

His erection was incredibly hard, and the fact that he was aroused because of me was a massive stimulant. My heart started to race for a different reason. Despite being confused and unsure of what to do, desire began to surge within me.

Yet, everything felt too new to fully give in to my desires. So, alongside the arousal, I felt chills. His hand slipped between my buttocks, spreading them apart and rubbing the crease. When his finger brushed against my anus, my body tensed up in unpreparedness. He pressed his lips against my neck again.

“Am I the first for you here?”

I was too shaken to respond. He began to stroke my penis slowly up and down. Just a few strokes were enough to send intense shivers through my thighs and tighten my lower abdomen. He asked again,

“First time touching here?”

The stimulation was so overwhelming, like when I first masturbated, that I was already half-erect from just a few strokes. The shame of exposing my desires to someone else was mortifying. I bowed my head and twisted my upper body, but he wouldn’t let me go.

Instead, he pushed me hard against the door and pressed tightly against my back. His erection pressed against my waist like a brand. Unable to hold back, he rubbed his erection against my skin while his hand moved faster on my penis.

The rough handling increased the intensity of the stimulation suddenly. I barely managed to stifle a groan from deep inside. I felt like I might collapse, so I braced myself against the cold door, resting my forehead on it. However, the relentless stimulation eventually forced moans out of me.

“Ah! Hnn! Ugh…”

I was too embarrassed to care that I had come just from his few strokes. I didn’t even realize I had ejaculated in his hand. My lower abdomen trembled with pleasure after the orgasm. I had never experienced such an intense climax from masturbation before, and my head spun. His words, as he murmured into my ear, didn’t register clearly.

“God, you’re so cute. What should I do? I like it so much.”

His breathless voice was so close it seemed to seep into my skin.

“I can’t hold back. Fuck.”

He cursed under his breath and firmly grabbed my hips, lifting them. His erection slid between my thighs. It was hot, hard, and moist. I realized belatedly that he had used my ejaculate as lube on his penis. Embarrassment overwhelmed me again.

He spread my legs and lowered his body, moving his hips. His erection slid in and out between my thighs, the heat almost burning. His penis was so large and hard it pushed against my testicles as it moved between my thighs.

Despite having just ejaculated, my lower body was weak, but he held my waist to keep me from collapsing. He pulled me closer, forcing me to bend over and rest my upper body against the door. The cold metal against my face contrasted sharply with the heat in my lower body.

“Close your legs.”

I unconsciously followed his anxious command. The sensation of his quickly moving penis between my thighs made my skin tingle, but the heat overwhelmed any discomfort. His erection was so large that it pushed against my testicles and emerged in front of my thighs.

Despite there being no erogenous zones where his penis touched, every stroke against my groin sent shivers through my lower abdomen. As his hips pounded against my ass, wet, slapping sounds echoed.

His breath grew more ragged. When his erection slipped out completely, he grabbed my hips roughly, pushing the tip back between my thighs. He pressed my body firmly against the door. With a loud thud, my face and chest hit the metal. He pressed tightly against my back, biting my earlobe again and whispering.

“Do you know how incredible you smell?”

His thrusts became smaller but more intense. His lower body collided with mine so hard my ass felt sore. Each time his tip hit my testicles, a new wave of desire built in my groin. Or maybe it was just everything about him.

His large body pressing down on me, the rapid and rough breathing, his strong grip, and the fiery heat of his thick erection—everything sent chills through my skin. The shivers transformed into arousal, traveling through my veins to my penis.

Embarrassingly, I was close to climaxing again. Fortunately, he couldn’t see my face, but my legs were starting to tremble and weaken, and I didn’t know how much longer I could stand. Eventually, as I barely held on and ejaculated on my own, he thrust unbelievably hard.

Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!

After his final, forceful thrust, his body shuddered briefly against my back. Hot semen dripped down between my legs. He held me tightly and murmured,

“I’ve liked you since the first time I saw you.”

I hurried to the bathroom, avoiding his gaze, and turned on the shower, standing there in a daze. I ended up using his bathroom, which I hadn’t expected to use this way. Though I knew I needed to wash up quickly, the thought of facing him again made me want to stay in the shower for a day or two. Everything felt so embarrassing.

Even the stain on my pants, which I hadn’t removed yet, embarrassed me. If there was a stain on my pants, then there was probably one on the door too. Ugh, it was mortifying. Each sigh made my whole body feel like it was inflating and deflating like a balloon. I lowered my head, resting it in my hands. He seemed to know what he was doing, while I was just frozen and clueless. So, what happens next? Do we sleep together?

Still overwhelmed and unsure of everything, I let out several deep breaths. Suddenly, the bathroom door opened, startling me. I turned around quickly. Shin walked in with determined strides, quickly closing the distance between us. His eyes were filled with undeniable desire, and there was no need to ask why he was there. I instinctively stepped back, but he calmly said,

“Don’t be scared.”

Despite his words, he swiftly pulled off his shirt, stepped closer, wrapped his arm around my waist, and pulled me towards him. Supporting my head with his other hand, he leaned in and whispered just before our lips met,

“I’ll only do this.”

It was my first kiss.