JL Ch4.2

Critical Condition

Chairman Noh was in a good mood that day. His beloved grandson had come to the hospital early in the morning to take care of company matters for him. Of course, he knew Shin would never leave his family and come to his side permanently, but even this little attention made him incredibly happy. Although he had once again failed to win the lottery that week, nothing could dampen his spirits. Director Hong, noticing that the chairman couldn’t express his joy openly, praised Shin on his behalf. For Chairman Noh, there was nothing more pleasant to hear. However, in the afternoon, Shin received a phone call, and Director Hong’s expression turned serious as he took the call.

“What’s the matter?”

“…Chairman.”

Director Hong hung up the phone and stared blankly in disbelief. Unable to contain himself, Chairman Noh asked,

“What did Shin say?”

“Well…”

“Oh, what is it?”

Swallowing nervously, Director Hong replied,

“He said it’s definite, they’re going to take action.”

“…Against me?”

“No, against his stepmother’s family.”

“….”

A long silence followed. Director Hong looked at Chairman Noh with concern and asked,

“Chairman, are you okay…?”

“Hahaha~~~!!! Ahahaha~!!! Shin is going to take them down! Take them down… ugh!”

Laughing heartily, Chairman Noh suddenly clutched his chest and collapsed onto the bed.

“Chairman!!”

Startled, Director Hong ran to him and repeatedly pressed the call button on the wall. He also shouted,

“Nurse! Doctor! Nurse!”

Soon the door opened, and a nurse rushed in. Despite the pain, the chairman continued to speak through his suffering.

“Ugh! Take them… down… definitely… ugh… take them… down…”

“Chairman, please stop! At this rate, you’re going to collapse too!”

Someone

My body felt as heavy as if it were sinking into the ground. Even keeping my eyelids open was a struggle, and my eyes kept wanting to close. However, I had to check the date on my phone again. It didn’t make sense. How could it be Tuesday? When did I come here? My mind wasn’t functioning properly. Just then, I heard Shin’s cold voice from outside the room.

“My family is something I can barely tolerate.”

Remembering what I had told him jolted me awake. A moment later, Shin entered the room wearing a bathrobe. This time it was black, and he hadn’t tied the belt, leaving it open to reveal his naked body underneath. If I dressed like that, I’d look like a pervert, but with his tall, muscular swimmer’s body, he looked impressive even like this.

Even though he wasn’t doing anything overtly threatening, his confidence was always intimidating. Right now, he looked like an emperor who had taken control of everything, wearing his robes with casual authority. Maybe I wasn’t fully awake yet, considering I was having such wild thoughts.

The cold-hearted emperor commanding the world noticed I was awake and smiled. Seeing him smile warmly at me made my chest tighten with joy. Wow, I really must like Shin.

“Are you thirsty?”

He asked softly as he sat beside me, his eyes drifting to my phone next to the bed. He stared at it in silence, making me feel like I needed to explain, even though I hadn’t done anything wrong.

“I just wanted to see what time it was.”

My voice came out raspy, like someone with a severe sore throat. Clearing my throat, I added,

“But it was off.”

“I turned it off so it wouldn’t wake you.”

Given that I hadn’t woken up even when he bathed me, there was no way a little ring would wake me. But knowing he was considerate of me still made me happy. So I didn’t find it strange when he picked up my phone and placed it on the far table.

He poured water into a cup from the table and brought it to me. Seeing the water made me realize how thirsty I was. As I tried to sit up to drink, a groan escaped my lips. But showing pain in front of Shin felt humiliating. After all, I was the older one. I forced myself to sit up and lean against the headboard, taking the water he offered and gulping it down.

I was so thirsty that I nearly emptied the cup in one go. Sighing with relief, I took a deep breath in and out, only to feel Shin’s hand suddenly touch my lips. Before I could react, his thumb was wiping away the water from my mouth. It was clearly meant to be a simple gesture, but given what we’d been doing for days, even that felt like a caress. Embarrassed, I quickly turned my head and wiped my lips with the back of my hand. To divert my mind from the awkwardness, I brought up the topic that had been on my mind.

“Hey, it’s Tuesday today.”

“Yeah. So?”

His casual response left me momentarily confused. Was it really no big deal to sleep for several days like this? Do other people do this too? It’s not even a honeymoon… Oh, do people spend days like this on honeymoons? Everyone must have incredible stamina.

“Do you have plans today?”

“…The library?”

He chuckled and placed the cup back on the table.

“Go next week.”

“No, I should go today since I’m awake.”

“You can’t even stand up.”

“…It’s because of you.”

I had told him repeatedly to stop, but he didn’t listen. That sounded too much like whining, so I swallowed the words at the tip of my tongue. I still had my pride.

“Sorry. You’re just too irresistible.”

His words were apologetic, but there was no trace of remorse on his smiling face. Yet again, I was flustered by his compliment, feeling bashful and trying not to smile while turning my head away. I couldn’t understand why I felt so happy receiving a compliment that should be more fitting for a beautiful young lady.

“I’m a guy, you know. I don’t get what you find pretty about me.”

Awkwardly responding without meeting his eyes, I fiddled with the blanket. It was stiff and smelled freshly washed. I realized that I had been moved to another room again. Every time I woke up, the room was different. It was disorienting but also complicated, knowing that while I slept, Shin was the one taking care of everything. It didn’t feel entirely good to be taken care of like this as an adult.

“Do you want to go to the library?”

“No, I need to study.”

“Do it at home. You have marks.”

Marks? I looked down at my body. My skin was mottled, especially on my chest and under my collarbones. I suddenly recalled the previous night when I said I couldn’t take it anymore, and he lay on top of me, sucking slowly and persistently all over my body. I remembered the murmurs and his breath.

“Just smelling you makes my hips shake. I want to thrust so badly.”

With those words, his fingers entered me from behind. The memory made my face flush. Shin always said embarrassing things during sex that he normally wouldn’t. I couldn’t lift my head that had been bent to look at my body, and suddenly his hand touched my neck. Startled, I raised my face. He looked at my neck under my ear with his lowered eyes and caressed it with his fingers.

“It’s a visible spot.”

Oh, the marks. I tried hard to push the memories of the previous night away.

“I’ll just say it’s mosquito bites.”

My words came out awkwardly and stiffly. I still couldn’t meet his eyes and shifted slightly sideways. But his hand didn’t move away; instead, it came up to cup my face. I flinched and pulled back. For a moment, his face turned expressionless. A chill ran through my chest. He was always so gentle, but sometimes when his face went blank like that, his expression changed. Was he angry? I worried, but he soon turned his head and ran his hand through his hair.

“Not now.”

Contrary to my expectations, his murmured voice seemed deflated, making me feel needlessly sorry. But apologizing would be dangerous for my life. I tried to change the subject.

“I heard you on the phone. What happened so early in the morning?”

His gaze shifted momentarily into the void, appearing sharp, making me tense. But his response was gentle.

“I didn’t want to worry you.”

“No, I’m here for that. To worry with you and to laugh at the good things together… that’s why we’re dating.”

The word “dating” felt so awkward. Shin smiled slightly at my words. I mustered more courage.

“You have times when you want to talk to someone, especially about frustrating things. I’ll listen.”

“Something came up with my stepmother’s family. They think my grandfather is causing problems and blame me.”

“Why do they blame you?”

“They think I asked my grandfather for help, which caused the trouble.”

“Did you?”

He chuckled briefly and shook his head.

“No. They mistakenly think I hate them. If I had that much interest, I wouldn’t have become a diligent policeman.”

His tone was curt, and his eyes grew cold. He was likely referring to his stepmother, but it seemed to include his own life, which pained me.

“But I’m glad you became a policeman; otherwise, we wouldn’t have met.”

His eyes warmed as he looked at me. Knowing that I could improve his mood brought immense satisfaction. I felt slightly proud, as if I was finally acting like an older brother. Shin, reminiscing about our first meeting, leaned comfortably on the mattress.

“It’s fortunate my nephew lost his iPad at the library.”

I didn’t meet him first at the library. Six years ago, it was at the police academy; three years ago, among riot police. Those brief, ordinary encounters remained clear in my memory like dust-covered photos.

I wanted to confess my memories. But I didn’t know how to start or what words to use. I wanted to tell him with carefully chosen words. As I hesitated, he gently stroked my hair.

“Sleep more. When you wake up, we’ll go home.”

He laid me back on the bed. Although my body still felt heavy, I doubted I could fall asleep again. Still, I laid my head down obediently under his guiding hand.

“Aren’t you going to sleep?”

As he left the bed, he bluntly responded.

“I’m afraid of you, bro.”

“No, you’re not afraid. You’re not going to do anything, right?”

I swallowed hard and asked. He twisted his lips into a smile.

“No. I want to, but I won’t.”

“You’re really strong.”

“Not really.”

Now, his “not really” sounded different from the one I knew.

“Then will you stay awake?”

“I’ll sleep in another room.”

His words oddly felt empty and lonely. Maybe I’d grown used to being around him for days. As he got up to leave the bed, I grabbed him without realizing it.

“If you don’t do anything, can’t we just sleep together?”

“I’ll still touch you.”

His words left me breathless. Fortunately, the realization that I could die snapped me back to my senses. I couldn’t give in here. But I didn’t want to send him away either. I responded as nonchalantly as I could.

“I’ll touch you too, even if we don’t do anything.”

He smiled and lowered his gaze. Sometimes he smiles shyly like that, and it tickles a part of my heart. He took off his robe and climbed onto the bed. Though I’d seen his naked body many times, my heart still fluttered and warmth spread through me each time.

He lay down beside me and naturally pulled me into his arms. I turned sideways, resting my head on his arm that touched the floor, while his other arm wrapped around my waist. It felt heavy and a bit constricting, but it wasn’t unpleasant. Rather, it felt comforting, like the cozy weight of a thick winter blanket that you get used to over time. The air inside was actually quite cold.

He seemed to prefer the room cool enough to be chilly, so I burrowed into him, seeking more warmth. There wasn’t even a paper-thin gap between us. I could feel his chest rising and falling with each breath, vividly against my body.

Above my head, his slow and warm breaths matched his heartbeat. His breath brushed my scalp in a calm rhythm. At some point, our breathing synced up, and I felt a strange sense of unity and reassurance, however fleeting. Just a few days ago, I had wished for just a touch from him. This intimacy felt like a dream.

Hesitantly, I placed my hand over his that was wrapped around my waist. I knew it was silly. We had already had sex and were now lying naked together, yet I still needed courage to hold his hand.

Shin’s hand, as large as he was tall, covered mine easily. It was almost overwhelming to try to encompass his hand completely, so I settled for wrapping my fingers around a few of his. His thumb gently stroked the back of my hand. We stayed like that for a moment. His half-erect member pressed against my buttocks, but I decided to enjoy this peaceful moment despite the slight discomfort. Then, he spoke.

“What do you want me to do?”

Just staying like this was nice, but I felt a bit greedy.

“Tell me about yourself. It can be about the weather or something hard from work. Your voice is low and calm, it’s really nice to listen to.”

Though I didn’t hear him laugh, I felt his lips smile against my hair. But when no sound followed, I was about to give up when his voice broke the silence.

“I lived at my maternal grandparents’ house until I was twelve.”

Surprised by the unexpected beginning, I opened my eyes.

“My parents divorced before I can remember, so I didn’t see my father often. But I vaguely recall him coming to take me away a few times, which always led to big fights with the police getting involved. Ironically, my father was a police officer but was always taken away by his colleagues. You’d think they’d go easy on him, but my grandfather was very powerful and wealthy. He would do anything for my mother. But my father kept trying to take me away, even going through legal battles and getting beaten up by thugs my grandfather sent. He never gave up.”

I blinked at the seriousness of his words, especially the mention of thugs.

“Your father must have cared for you a lot.”

“No, it was out of pride.”

He denied it firmly.

“He didn’t want to be seen as a failure in both marriage and child-rearing. The thought of me growing up like my mother was too humiliating. After remarrying and establishing a proper family, he stopped looking for me.”

No, he must have still worried about you, I thought, but his words about his mother stopped me from saying it.

“Did your mother have… issues?”

“She was an addict.”

“To what?”

“Alcohol, gambling, drugs.”

The coldness in his matter-of-factly delivered words chilled me.

“She was rarely home and always drunk, but strangely, she was affectionate towards me. Even though she was constantly irritable and anxious from rehab, she never got angry at me. But the treatments always failed, and she met the typical end of an addict.”

His voice was so calm and factual that I couldn’t ask how she had ended. It felt heavy. It was more unsettling because he didn’t seem pained or sad about it.

“After she died, my father took me in out of revenge against my grandfather. Forcing me to live properly was his way of getting back at him. He wanted to show that he could succeed where my grandfather failed.”

“That couldn’t have been the only reason. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have followed him.”

I sensed him smile again at my words.

“I was scared, too. Afraid of becoming like my mother. But according to my father, even if I lived properly, I was already disqualified because I liked men.”

The word “disqualified” sounded bitter. I held my breath, listening intently to his voice.

“I acted normal on the outside but was twisted inside. I wanted to tell someone. I couldn’t hold it in any longer, so I confided in the only person I trusted, my grandfather. He didn’t understand at all and got very angry, telling me to fix it immediately. He was ready to have me hospitalized.”

His voice remained calm, but I couldn’t stay composed.

“It was my senior year in high school, and with other problems piling up, I left home one night. I left, planning never to return…”

His words trailed off, and he fell silent for a while. Then he gripped my hand firmly.

“I met someone. Someone who stayed by my side and asked what was troubling me.”

There was a slight tremor in his usually steady voice, filled with emotion this time. I couldn’t bring myself to interrupt him. I swallowed my response, keeping it to myself. He pressed his lips deeply into my hair. His mumbling was unclear, but I caught the essence of it.

“How much I wanted to meet you again.”

Father

Today, I was determined to leave the hotel, but after falling asleep at dawn, I didn’t wake up until noon. Besides the physical pain, the rare idleness filled me with emptiness and guilt. Can I even get into college? As we drove away from the hotel in Shin’s car, the world outside felt unfamiliar.

The sunlight touching my skin, not filtered through a window, felt strange. Maybe it was the intense, unprecedented experience of the past few days, but I felt like someone being released from prison after years. Calling such a grand and luxurious hotel a prison, what was I thinking?

As I lifted my leg to get into the car parked at the hotel entrance, a sharp pain shot through my waist. I paused, and a large hand supported my arm and waist, helping me up. I was about to push him away, saying I could manage on my own, but I stopped when I saw his face.

In the sunlight, his eyes had a hint of brown. Unlike me, he looked in top condition, which made him stand out even more. He exuded the confident, dominant aura of a high-ranking male. Yet, for some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about his whispers in the early morning.

He told me about his family and the person he met when he ran away. His voice, saying he wanted to meet them again, sounded childlike. Despite narrating his tough family story as if it were someone else’s life, the existence of that person made me feel strangely. Even though I had no reason to be concerned since I was the one next to him now, I couldn’t shake off the lingering envy.

“Why?”

He tilted his head quizzically.

“Nothing. I’m just grateful for your help.”

He seemed to think it was no big deal as he sat me down and pulled the seatbelt over, fastening it for me. As he did, his upper body leaned over mine, and I heard his low voice.

“Hyung, don’t look at me like that.”

“What?”

I asked, surprised, but he just straightened up and gave a slight smile, brushing my bangs aside. His fingers didn’t just drop immediately; they grazed my ear and lingered under my earlobe before leaving. The place where his hand had been still felt sensitive, as if he were still touching it.

The car’s air conditioning was already cool, but the humid heat from the open door intruded. Inside, the heat that couldn’t rise any further was circulating through my body. I couldn’t look at him and lowered my gaze. In the past, I might have thought he just liked physical contact and awkwardly suppressed my discomfort, but now everything felt different.

His words, gestures, smiles, even his breaths seemed to send signals. Now, I could clearly understand. He wants to sleep with you. As the door closed and I was alone in the car for a few seconds, I couldn’t lift my head. The screams and moans from our recent physical encounters and the memory of our touching bodies inevitably resurfaced.

When the driver’s side door opened and he got in, I couldn’t look at him properly, so I turned my gaze to the window. The car started moving, pulling away from the hotel. However, the confined space of the car with him felt more suffocating than the hotel. Before, I would have tried to hide or dispel my tension with random chatter, but today, I couldn’t even manage that.

“Hyung, are you just going to keep looking that way?”

He asked as we passed a traffic-jammed intersection.

“No, you told me not to look at you.”

Clearing my throat, I made an excuse.

“Your gaze is sexy.”

“What do you mean, sexy? How?”

Feeling wronged, I looked at him, and he grinned, extending his right hand to hold mine.

“Every strand of your hair, all of it.”

His voice was calm and relaxed as always, but his thumb slowly rubbed my palm. My heart started to beat faster, and I feared he would notice. Although we had been rolling around naked together for days, sitting side by side clothed in a different setting made me feel awkward and shy. I wasn’t a teenage girl, after all.

“How can you be so… sexy?”

It was an innocent question. He glanced at me.

“Am I sexy?”

I watched his thumb still moving.

“You’re like a perfect score on the college entrance exam.”

He chuckled shortly, intertwining our fingers. Even though we had held hands many times, this new way of holding hands felt like the first time. Yet, it wasn’t the first time. We had held hands like this while sleeping together. I tried hard to push away the erotic thoughts that began to take over my mind again. Given how often such thoughts popped up, it was no wonder Shin said I was sexy.

“You’re really good at this kind of thing.”

“It’s my first time.”

“What?”

“It’s the first time I’ve held hands like this.”

It was another term that had come up repeatedly at the hotel. I found myself staring blankly, thinking again that he was naturally gifted in sexiness.

“What about you, Hyung?”

“Of course, it’s my first time too. Who would I have done this with?”

Feeling embarrassed, I turned my eyes back to the window. Thanks to the air conditioning, the warmth of our joined hands felt pleasant. His thumb continued its habitual motion, rubbing against mine, but this time, fortunately, no erotic thoughts surfaced. Instead, his words from early morning came back to me.

He was so good at everything that it was easy to be misled. From the start, he seemed capable of everything, handling hardships with composure and appearing unhurt. If I hadn’t heard his story in the early hours, I might have judged him just as quickly. However, he too had been a child needing someone’s care and must have felt lost when wounded.

I felt a renewed sense of gratitude and envy towards the person he met after running away. I wanted to be that kind of presence for him too. Yet, since I’d never had such a desire before, it felt unfamiliar. Trying to suppress it and regain focus, I looked out the window and suddenly realized something.

“Hey, this isn’t the way to my house.”

“I know.”

“No, my house is in the opposite direction…”

I started to explain but then it hit me. I knew whose house was in this direction. I looked at the driver.

“You said you didn’t have any plans today.”

“Yeah, but I still need to go home.”

Determined not to give in to his coaxing this time, I stared at him. He kept his eyes on the road, focusing on driving, and only spoke after a long pause.

“Oh, right. You might be uncomfortable at my place.”

I assumed he was talking about sex, ready to give a vague excuse. I didn’t mind, but I had realized I wasn’t as resilient as I thought. But what he said next was entirely unexpected.

“My family will probably show up, yelling and cursing, so it’s better if you’re not there.”

“Family… you mean your stepmother from before?”

“And my sibling.”

“You have a sibling?”

“Step-sibling.”

“Oh, I see,” I said, but his mention of yelling and cursing stuck with me. I knew from our conversation in the early morning that his family misunderstood him, but I still couldn’t understand it. Even if they weren’t blood-related siblings, shouting and cursing at him seemed excessive.

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I’ll just stay put.”

After he spoke, he let go of my hand to grab the steering wheel. I watched him in silence, but he acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary, looking straight ahead as usual. The car moved smoothly, without getting caught in any traffic signals. The surroundings began to change into familiar sights as we neared home.

Initially, I felt awkward and tense, wishing to get home quickly. But as the familiar streets passed by quickly, I started feeling a tinge of regret about parting ways. When the car finally stopped at the main road where he always dropped me off, I hesitated to get out.

“I’ll take you right to your doorstep, Hyung.”

“No, it’s just a short walk from here,” I muttered, glancing at him. I didn’t even know what I wanted to say, but I was reluctant to leave the car. Meanwhile, he smiled gently and said goodbye.

“See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, see you.”

“Did you have something to say?”

I hesitated again, but couldn’t bring myself to speak, so I just got out of the car. After slinging my bag over my shoulder and walking a few steps, I turned to see his car slowly driving away. Normally, he waited until I disappeared into the alley, so it didn’t feel like he was abandoning me. It just looked like he was heading off to war, and this time, I couldn’t take my eyes off his car until it vanished from sight.

My whole body felt sore, like I’d been through a wringer, but I didn’t notice the pain until I got home. The gate clicked shut behind me, revealing the familiar sight of my home after several days away. I expected to relax and collapse onto my bed with a sigh of relief.

However, I couldn’t even think of taking off my shoes; I just stood there. The image of him nonchalantly going home overlapped with the image of him casually recounting his past in the early morning. My envy of the person he met after running away was stronger than I thought. I worried about him, but this envy kept me from entering the house.

I stood still for a moment, then put down my heavy bag and turned around. The alley felt much longer under the scorching midday sun than it did when I was coming home. The sunlight was so hot it seemed to dry everything up, yet the air was humid, making each step heavy. My body felt genuinely heavy. I entered the main road from the alley, hastening unconsciously until a sharp pain shot up from my hips to my lower back.

“Ah.”

A sound escaped me. I placed my hand on my waist and stood in the shade, waiting for the pain to subside. How can I go to college with such a weak body? …Well, somehow I’ll manage. Shaking off my worries as I always did, I strengthened my resolve and started walking again.

This time, I reached the bus stop at a slower pace. Waiting for the bus to his house, I started to worry. Would my visit make him uncomfortable? What if I was just being unnecessarily meddlesome? My long string of worries only disappeared when the large gate of his house opened. He looked at me silently.

“Surprised that I came? I said I wouldn’t, and you dropped me off in our neighborhood. But I thought about it and, well…”

“Hyung, come in.”

“Okay.”

Feeling awkward, I entered his house, and he took my hand and led me inside.

“You don’t seem very surprised.”

He was about to enter a room with a bed but paused. Maybe I imagined it. He shook his head with a typical smile.

“I just couldn’t believe it. I was hoping you’d come.”

Relieved, I felt momentarily stunned when I saw the bed. But his next words, filled with concern for me, dissolved any unease.

“Lie down. You’re tired.”

“I’m not tired…”

“I won’t disturb you.”

His gentle push made me lie down. I came here to comfort him, yet as soon as I hit the bed, I felt too comfortable to get up. The painful screams my body had been holding back were replaced with sighs of relief on the cozy bed.

When he left the room, a genuine sigh of comfort escaped me. Despite the comfort, sleeping in someone else’s bed in broad daylight wasn’t easy. I lay there with my eyes open, feeling awkward, when my phone rang, breaking the silence.

I had only turned it back on after realizing on the bus that it had been off, probably because he had turned it off without me noticing. Worried it might be my family, I quickly checked my phone and saw an unexpected caller. It was the assistant chef.

“Hello?”

[Hey! What’s going on with you?! Why do you keep your phone off all the time?!]

Startled, I sat up, letting out an involuntary groan.

“Ugh… What is it? Is something wrong?”

[That’s what I should be asking you. You said you were sick and couldn’t come to work. How sick are you that you keep your phone off? You didn’t even reply to my messages.]

Remembering why my phone was off brought my mind back to the hotel room. Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair.

“I’m okay now.”

[Really?]

“Yes. How’s the restaurant?”

[We’re fine here. Just take care of yourself.]

Didn’t something happen at the restaurant a couple of weeks ago? The owner told me not to come in. As I pondered, the assistant chef’s stern voice cut through.

[You’re supposed to be studying, but you can’t even take care of your health?!]

“Yeah, I guess. Thanks for worrying, Hyung.”

I didn’t understand why he was so angry, but I appreciated his concern. His voice softened a bit.

[Good. Make sure to come to work this week. Come 30 minutes early. I’ll make something good for you to eat…]

His words were interrupted by a sudden, cold voice.