DP Episode 91
by BrieDeep Pivot Episode 91
‘…What did you say?’
Seo-joon could only stare at Sun-wook’s neck, not knowing what to do.
‘Look me in the eyes and say that!’
Seo-joon forced himself to meet his gaze. He hadn’t expected that suggesting they terminate their exclusive contract would make Sun-wook so angry. The once cute expression of Min Sun-wook, who had been nicknamed “Hamster,” no longer seemed so endearing.
The wounds on Sun-wook’s neck, arms, and wrists, which had appeared while guiding Seo-joon, were still visible.
‘Calm down, let’s think about this, Sun-wook.’
The wounds had been inflicted on a day when Sun-wook pushed himself too hard on a large gate site, nearly going berserk. The increasingly uncontrollable monster inside Seo-joon would grow more frenzied with each guiding session.
‘I’m worried that I’ll end up hurting you.’
Seo-joon feared that he might injure someone. And Sun-wook was his closest friend. No one wants to hurt their friend, and Seo-joon became increasingly fearful of receiving Sun-wook’s guidance.
‘So you’re saying you want to sign an exclusive contract with someone else?’
But Sun-wook had misunderstood his words.
‘That’s not what I meant—’
‘How could you do that with anyone but me?’
‘Calm down, don’t be angry. I just… I just…’
I don’t want to hurt you. Seo-joon tried to comfort him, grabbing his arm, but Sun-wook angrily shook his hand off.
‘How would you feel if I did that with someone else? Could you really handle it?’
Seo-joon couldn’t understand Sun-wook’s rage. The thought of Sun-wook guiding someone else… it might feel unfamiliar and awkward initially after working together for over a year. But it was far better than keeping him around and hurting him.
‘You should only do that with me! How could you break up with me and then be with someone else? How could you…!’
Sun-wook hit Seo-joon’s chest and shoulders as he cried. He seemed like someone whose lover had just broken up with them. Overcome with guilt at making him cry, Seo-joon didn’t notice any of this.
I’m sorry. It’s my fault. Seo-joon gently grasped his wrists.
‘I’m sorry, Sun-wook. Please don’t be mad.’
‘Never say that again, never!’
Sun-wook clung to him, sobbing.
‘We must never leave each other, Seo-joon.’
We must never betray each other.
‘You like me, don’t you?’
A tearful question was asked, and Seo-joon didn’t know how to respond.
Of course, Sun-wook was a dear friend. That’s why he didn’t want to hurt him.
‘…Yeah, I like you.’
He cared about him. When paired with Sun-wook, it felt as comforting as being in a cradle, and he felt closer to him than to anyone else.
‘I feel the same, Seo-joon.’
But it seemed like Sun-wook’s feelings toward him were something more.
Seo-joon was confused about whether his own feelings were love or just influence. He had long surpassed simple friendship, but did he love Sun-wook? Well…
Once, he had even asked an adult how to distinguish between love and the bond formed from influence. The answers varied. Some said they couldn’t tell the difference either, while others insisted it was unmistakable.
How could you just let someone you love go so easily…? Hey, don’t regret losing me. Never think about leaving me again. Seo-joon, don’t. Do you understand? Do you understand, Ji Seo-joon…?
The salty taste of tears seeped into his mouth. Seo-joon couldn’t push away the small body that was crying and pressing its lips to his, and he held him back.
“If it were now, I wouldn’t have been confused.”
If he had known this feeling that he learned from Cha Yeon-woo back then…
“Then I could have let him go more easily… before it ever came to that.”
But at the time, both Seo-joon and Sun-wook were young. Nineteen-year-old Seo-joon, who had never experienced love, was too overwhelmed to distinguish between love and influence.
And now, there’s no way to know if Sun-wook’s feelings were love or just influence. Even if it were just a simple effect, for a clumsy teenager, it could have felt like it was everything.
Having realized the difference now because of Yeon-woo, Seo-joon felt a different kind of regret.
I should have let him go earlier. I should have drawn a clear line.
If he had, Sun-wook’s life wouldn’t have ended at twenty.
After a brief confusion, they could have remained good friends. He could have been closer than even Cheong-oh or Hee-min.
Even though the feelings weren’t what Sun-wook wanted, Seo-joon couldn’t deny that Sun-wook was the closest person to him at the time and a cherished friend.
Ji Seo-joon
[Photo]
[Sun-wook is doing well, Mother.]
11:02 a.m.
Seo-joon put his phone back in his pocket after sending the photo of Sun-wook’s memorial tablet with the bouquet to his mother, swallowing his complicated emotions.
“In that interview video.”
They sat on a bench in the outdoor garden meant for visitors. Yeon-woo gently covered Seo-joon’s limp hand resting on his thigh.
“I saw his face almost as often as yours. I felt like I’d recognize him on the street and could say hello.”
Seo-joon turned to look at Yeon-woo.
“He seemed like a good person.”
Meeting Seo-joon’s gaze, Yeon-woo chose his words carefully.
“He probably wouldn’t want you to be so burdened by guilt.”
He held Seo-joon’s trembling hand to his chest and grasped it more firmly. Seo-joon looked at him, feeling Yeon-woo’s heartbeat gently pulsing against the back of his hand.
“It was a tragic accident, and I don’t think you could have done anything differently. I can’t tell you to forget it completely, but I hope you don’t blame yourself too much.”
Yeon-woo’s words weren’t a flowery sermon or a profound aphorism, but they resonated deeply. Seo-joon was repeatedly amazed by his unwavering solidity.
Cha Yeon-woo already bore scars from guiding Seo-joon, and the exclusive contract had come with an unspoken warning that there was no guarantee he wouldn’t end up like the previous guide.
“The monster living inside isn’t you, Lieutenant.”
“I believe in your humanity. One day, you’ll be able to control it. I’m sure.”
Despite that, why was Yeon-woo so steadfast? As if he had never doubted for a second, guided only by pure affection.
Timid and gentle—those had been Seo-joon’s first impressions of Cha Yeon-woo. But weak things bend easily to the smallest breeze.
Cha Yeon-woo could remain so pure because he was stronger than anyone else.
Seo-joon wanted to live up to that unwavering belief. He wanted to protect that strength. He wanted to keep from hurting Yeon-woo any further, to live without fear, for a long time, like any other couple…
Ding. A message notification sounded.
Seo-joon read the messages from Sun-wook’s mother, Oh Eun-hye.
Oh Eun-hye
[Thank you so much, Seo-joon~ I’m always grateful^^]
[Sun-wook looks good~ I miss him so much now that he doesn’t even appear in my dreams anymore^^]
[We went to the cathedral yesterday for a memorial prayer and had dinner together^^]
[Photo]
11:21 a.m.
Sun-wook’s family believed he had died heroically at the gate site. They thought Seo-joon’s visits on his death anniversary were simply a kind gesture from a thoughtful friend who hadn’t forgotten their request.
In the first few years, Sun-wook’s mother would call Seo-joon after sending messages, often breaking down in tears and pouring out her grief. But now, nine years later, they had moved past the initial agony and were living their lives far away in a foreign land.
Oh Eun-hye
[Are you doing well? Make sure to eat properly…^^]
[I’ll let you know when we visit Korea~^^]
11:22 a.m.
Despite the warm words, they hadn’t met in person since the funeral. It seemed as if, though the pain of losing a child lingered forever, they had found ways to move forward without being forever tied to that empty space.
Seo-joon had watched them gradually distance themselves from their grief over the years, their responses growing more lukewarm. Meanwhile, he remained trapped in that moment, unable to take a single step forward as everyone else moved on.
Ji Seo-joon
[Thank you.]
[Stay healthy.]
11:25 a.m.
As Seo-joon put his phone away, he reflected on how everyone else seemed to have moved forward, while he alone remained tethered to that painful past.
After sending a brief reply with one hand, Seo-joon looked up at Yeon-woo, who held his hand and gazed back. Now he had a partner he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
A strong and steadfast lover who was ready to endure everything with him.
“I’ll take you back to school after lunch.”
“Ah… Can I skip today?”
If so, maybe it’s time for him to start moving forward as well.
“I thought you were diligent, but maybe not so much. What’s your excuse for skipping?”
“Song-hee Noona said last time that you can always find an excuse if you want to skip, so just say the word…”
Seo-joon chuckled. Yeon-woo intertwined their fingers and stood up, speaking earnestly.
“What do you want to do?”
“I got permission to visit Jeong-woo, so how about lunch for the three of us? And… remember that movie we watched at the safe house? A new series just came out. I’d like to watch it with you.”
“Oh, and we’re almost out of shampoo. We should stop by the store for groceries too. I’ll cook you dinner tonight. I used to cook for Jeong-woo all the time before he was hospitalized.”
Yeon-woo didn’t stop chatting on their way to the parking lot. Listening quietly, Seo-joon chuckled. He had intended to be diligent about sending Yeon-woo to school until graduation, but with Yeon-woo openly tempting him, his resolve crumbled like a sandcastle.
“Let’s head to the center…”
But just as Seo-joon reached the car to reply, ding, the notification sound for the espers’ messenger rang out.
◈ Agile SAU ◈
Cheong-oh Jin has sent an emergency call to Chaewon Kang, Tae-hee Gil, Seong-eon Kim, and 14 others.
[A notice has been posted.]
[SAU full call.]
Location: Seoul, District 5, Everworld Theme Park [map.url]
Danger level: 3rd grade
Gate: Day 3
Team unable to proceed due to shoggoth breeding
Extended shifts may be necessary until gate closes depending on future developments]
After the assassination attempt, the SAU had been quiet for a while, but now, an urgent call had come.