M 83

Sehwa desperately tried to avoid Ki Tae-jeong. He felt like he might cry madly or scream. Or was he already doing that? …He wasn’t sure. Judging by the noisy beeping of the device next to him, it seemed he was still alive and not dead yet.

With his mind clouded by rising fever he couldn’t overcome, he couldn’t make proper judgments. Sehwa just didn’t want to be with this person anymore. That was all.

He didn’t want to return to the official residence like this, sit across from him eating as if nothing had happened, and sleep tangled together like one body. 

Yet Sehwa couldn’t confront him now about what his true intentions were, or that he had just confirmed the confidential document with the drug formula. This was right before the trial he had been preparing for. He wouldn’t stand idly by while the docile hostage suddenly acted up. From then on, Ki Tae-jeong would treat him thoroughly as a tool, dropping even the minimal pretense.

Rebelling now would only end up doing Ki Tae-jeong a favor. Above all… he still lacked the courage to face the truth. He couldn’t bear either possibility at the moment.

Even though just sensing Ki Tae-jeong’s presence made him feel sick to his stomach, if he heard an affirmative answer from him, if he received that dark gaze devoid of even shallow affection…

He felt like he would want to die.

Sehwa bit his lower lip hard. He wouldn’t cry. He would breathe properly somehow. Ki Tae-jeong might try to kiss him on the pretext of hyperventilation.

But his tear ducts had already burst, and he couldn’t see anything through his completely blurry vision. It seems he had liked Ki Tae-jeong more than he thought. Well, it was only a few hours ago that just thinking of him had made his blush from his earlobes to his fingertips.

He had liked him a lot. Even though he hadn’t expected it to be this hellish, even knowing it wouldn’t end well, he had earnestly liked Ki Tae-jeong.

“…You don’t mind staying in the House?”

Breaking the dry silence, Ki Tae-jeong spoke.

“……”

“Then go for a few days.”

Sehwa barely raised his eyes to look at Ki Tae-jeong. Surprisingly, it seemed he was going to allow it.

“The building itself has been adopted as evidence, so even if someone like Oh Seon-ran comes, we can suppress them by force. At this time, messing with the House would only escalate things, so the other bastards wouldn’t dare to stir things up…”

As if pleased by his gaze finally turning to him, Ki Tae-jeong lightly tapped Sehwa’s nose bridge. It was one of his favorite actions. Gently touching various parts of his face with his finger curled like a hook. Now it seemed he was gauging how calm he had become, how much he could accept someone else’s touch.

“…You’re saying I can go?”

“Three days. No more than that, even if it’s very hard to be here. Know that I’ll finish work somehow and come pick you up on the last day.”

Somehow interpreting his lack of response, the man smiled slightly.

“How could I say no when you’re making that face?”

“……”

“Especially since you were stressed enough to vomit blood.”

Ki Tae-jeong scanned the IV pole, the vital sign monitor attached to Sehwa’s finger, and his still-flat stomach in turn. Ah… so he was being considerate because of the baby.

Come to think of it, it seemed Ki Tae-jeong had started to soften towards him bit by bit after he became pregnant. Even Oh Seon-ran had said it was strange not to recruit him, so at this point, he must be acting like this because it would be a waste if he miscarried? The man’s gentle gaze finally pushed Sehwa into the abyss.

“Lee Sehwa.”

He nodded obediently as always, but Ki Tae-jeong frowned as if something displeased him.

“Why do you keep making that expression?”

“…What kind…”

“You keep smiling strangely.”

Even if Ki Tae-jeong didn’t know how Sehwa felt inside, didn’t he look obviously in pain? Was he supposed to keep smiling brightly even in this situation?

It seemed when the subject became “Lee Sehwa” rather than “the baby” or “a useful body,” there was a limit to how much he would be considerate of his pain. Well, even before, he disliked it when he looked gloomy or showed signs of being upset, saying it was presumptuous.

Sehwa wiped away the moisture clinging to his eyelashes and smiled. It was half out of spite. Since he told him not to make that face, he put all his effort into forcing the corners of his mouth up. Then Ki Tae-jeong stared at him silently with an even more hardened expression.

“…Ha, you.”

“……”

“Whatever treatment you received at the entrance, whatever Oh Seon-ran said… ignore it all. After the trial is over, they won’t be able to say a word to you anyway.”

Through the still-rippling film of tears in his eyes, Ki Tae-jeong’s blurry figure filled his vision. The image of him that Sehwa had ardently loved split into two, three pieces, then merged back into one repeatedly. And each time, various emotions flashed across the man’s face.

Though he seemed calm, Sehwa could easily read the man’s turbulent emotions. It was a strange… yes, a strange realization. He liked this person deeply enough to read even such subtle signals, and Ki Tae-jeong… seemed to have weakened to the point of being dumbfounded by his tears.

From Ki Tae-jeong’s perspective, there was no need to give his breathing room like this. There were plenty of ways to nourish his body. Rather, confining him to the bedroom under the pretext of health would have been more like his preferred choice.

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?”

“Is it… because I cried? Is that why… you’re allowing this?”

“…Yes. Because I don’t like seeing you whine.”

This was the man who had been displeased even by a slight stain after marking his perineum. The man who hadn’t allowed him even a scrap of a T-shirt to prevent him from going against his will.

Ki Tae-jeong himself would know best. Allowing Sehwa to be away from him, in the 4-Hwan no less, for several days alone was behavior very unlike him.

Sehwa blinked slowly. Then, as if he had made a decision, he slowly began to raise his upper body. Or rather, he barely indicated his intention to do so. Before Sehwa could exert any strength, Ki Tae-jeong supported his body with quite a careful touch. As if wanting to make up for his earlier rejection.

Although he would no longer ascribe any meaning to Ki Tae-jeong’s words and actions, he still wanted to ask once. The end of rebellion is either the death of the insurgents or revolution. And Sehwa didn’t expect his success at all. It was a desperate question he asked one last time before committing an irreversible act. No, it was a desperate prayer hoping for even a pitiful response.

“…Brigadier General. Why did I become like this?”

Please, tell me honestly even now. You don’t need to explain in detail, just one word. Please.

“Well. For now, it seems stress is the biggest cause,”

“No, that’s not it… My constitution. It changed so I could… have a child, right?”

“Why are you suddenly asking that, oh. Don’t tell me Oh Seon-ran said something?”

“……”

“Damn it, what did that bastard say,”

“…It’s not like that. Earlier I was just too nervous on my own, and just… when we went to the hospital earlier, the manager asked…”

Ki Tae-jeong twitched his eyebrow as if displeased. Rather than feeling guilty, he seemed upset that someone had treated his possession carelessly.

“Just ignore whatever you hear. And Oh Seon-ran is someone Lieutenant Kim is serving.”

“……”

“Just look at how he came to find you right before the trial. Whatever he says about certificates or whatnot, it’s all bullshit with ulterior motives.”

Still, Oh Seon-ran at least had a certificate. The confidential document he had shown him just now also matched exactly with Lieutenant Kim’s instructions. But Ki Tae-jeong? What could he prove to him? Was there even once… when he was sincere about anything other than wanting to lick his hole? Seeing Sehwa proclaiming his love for him with his whole body… what has this man been thinking all this time?

“I’ll confirm it for you after the trial. I’m concerned about him bringing up your parents.”

“…After the trial.”

“Yes. We’ll check the certificate… and I’ll tell you everything about how things happened.”

Sehwa rubbed his constantly tangling eyelashes and opened his eyes wide. He also wiped off the tear-like moisture on the back of his hand. Holding onto the already shattered pieces of his heart, he tried his best to understand somehow, but what he got in return was a reply that didn’t even show sincerity. This seemed to be as much as he could do. It really was the end.

“Hmm, I might get a special promotion this time.”

Perhaps disliking the increasingly sinking atmosphere, Ki Tae-jeong sporadically offered brief stories.

“If I go up two ranks, I’ll be a Lieutenant General, not a Brigadier General anymore.”

“……”

“But I need to finish everything before that. That bastard Lieutenant Kim set fire to the 2-Hwan warehouse trying to destroy all the evidence, so the skyway there is completely blocked. It’s difficult to get in and out, and even the water supply for the soldiers stationed there is running short… With this incident on top of everything, I’ve been quite busy lately.”

“……”

“Ah, if I become a Lieutenant General, we might get a bigger official residence? You can decorate that however you want.”

“…Me?”

“The current place is a bit bleak, isn’t it?”

Without Sehwa ever agreeing, Ki Tae-jeong was fitting him into his future like a component.

Sehwa laughed without realizing it. It was a hollow and empty laugh, like squeezing out the last bit of air from a shriveled balloon. In fact, a knife-like wind was blowing through the cracks in his shattered chest.

Yes, although he still didn’t understand everything, one thing was certain. This child, the starting point of everything, which Ki Tae-jeong could wield as his most powerful weapon, would be under his control. Whether it’s Ki Tae-jeong, Oh Seon-ran, or Lieutenant Kim, Sehwa won’t let anyone manipulate this child. He might have lived pathetically for 21 years, but he would ensure this child doesn’t become anyone’s necessity, means, or tool.

He can’t spend his whole life running away. No matter how well he hides, he’ll eventually be caught. It was impossible to defeat the power of authority. Moreover, the people who would chase him…. Counting the ranks of Ki Tae-jeong, Oh Seon-ran, and Lieutenant Kim made his shudder involuntarily. At best… a few months? No, even a month might be difficult. But wouldn’t that be enough to somewhat impact the trial?

So he won’t aim for a perfect escape. It would be enough to disrupt the plans of those who tried to use his body and child, who treated him like a toy. Whether he gets caught and executed, beheaded, or locked up in a lab to be experimented on… that was no longer his concern. Let them do as they please.

“Ah, right. The cookies.”

“……”

“Where were they from? I’ll buy you some.”

Finding Ki Tae-jeong’s constant questions painful to hear, Sehwa closed his eyes, pretending to be tired.

Didn’t he say the 2-Hwan was paralyzed? If the air is so opaque that visibility is poor, wouldn’t everyone be wearing gas masks or regular masks? It’s not an unusual sight in a place where the air quality isn’t great to begin with….

Moreover, he knew the geography of the 2-Hwan like the back of his hand. He also knew a few underground doctors who might help. If he could just evade the surveillance personnel from the House…. Sehwa paused his calculations momentarily, overwhelmed by a sense of futility.

In the end, he was back where he started. He had desperately climbed up to the 4-Hwan, excited about soon getting a resident card for inside the castle… Now he had to flee back to the 2-Hwan.

The people from the House would laugh if they heard this, wouldn’t they? They’d say this is what happens when someone worth only 2 won tries to act above their station. Look at him now, after trying to live all high and mighty….

With each rise and fall of his chest, the air filling his lungs turned into thorns, pricking his heart. Not wanting to show even the trembling of his eyelashes in front of Ki Tae-jeong, Sehwa tensed his entire body.

“That’s enough now. Let’s go.”

“Are you crazy? You haven’t even finished half of your IV. Your vitals aren’t normal either.”

“No, I’m fine. Let’s go.”

It was time to stop being childish and wake up from the fantasy he had never been permitted to have in the first place.