M 61

“Lieutenant Na.”

There was an icy anger in Ki Tae-jeong’s call.

“Brigadier General, this is an issue you should be aware of more than anyone else.”

“So you’re telling me this without even reporting to me first…”

“What is this?”

A trembling, soft voice cut off Ki Tae-jeong mid-sentence. This was something Sehwa would never have dared to do under normal circumstances.

“What on earth is this, what does it mean…”

Sehwa blankly stared at the small printout fluttering before his eyes. Even in his dazed state, he managed to snatch the paper somehow, because he saw the man sitting across from him shift in his seat through his blurred focus. I can’t let him take it. I need to check it first. Seemingly surprised by Sehwa’s instinctive movement, Ki Tae-jeong, who had half-risen as if about to approach, showed no further movement. He just looked up at the ceiling and sighed deeply several times.

Sehwa’s hands trembled violently as if seized by convulsions while he unfolded the document. What was he supposed to say? What should he ask first? The complicated graphs and numbers made no sense to him, so all he could do was stare blankly at the paper.

“I know you’re shocked. I didn’t want to tell you so suddenly like this either, but it’s a really important time for you, Mr. Lee Sehwa.”

Important time…. Sehwa threw away the object he was holding as if he had seen something vile. The result sheet floated in the air like a butterfly before landing smoothly on the rug. Fearing that what had fallen at his feet might touch his body, Sehwa curled up tightly, pulling his legs up to his chest.

“It’s a lie…”

The words he mumbled were mixed with his panting breath, making them difficult to understand even for Sehwa himself. He was so dumbfounded and incredulous that he was at a loss for words. Literally, his voice was choked up.

“It’s a lie, right?”

Lieutenant Na’s expression, biting his lips as if regretful, hit home more poignantly than a hundred words.

“What nonsense… Why are you playing such a prank? When you, the military doctor, say such things, it doesn’t even sound like a joke.”

It’s real. This isn’t some unfunny joke. It’s not a lie either. But if he didn’t deny it—if he didn’t get angry—Sehwa felt like he might actually die.

“Mr. Lee Sehwa, calm down. First, listen to what I and the Brigadier General have to say…”

“…Lieutenant Na, get out.”

Ki Tae-jeong gritted his teeth and brushed away Lieutenant Na’s hand that was trying to pat Sehwa’s back.

“Do you find your superior’s orders fucking ridiculous and amusing? I told you to explain his condition, not to blabber about things I haven’t even heard yet on your own accord.”

Only after Ki Tae-jeong used the formal address, which he rarely used normally, did Lieutenant Na straighten his posture.

“…I apologize. However, I believe that Mr. Lee Sehwa, as the person concerned, has the right to know the truth, and because the sudden change has resulted in unfavorable numbers…”

“Damn it, you knew he wasn’t in good condition, yet you shoved the results in his face right away and made him faint? Does Lieutenant Na think Lee Sehwa looks fine right now? You just said with your own mouth to be careful even with cold medicine. Do you think this situation, where I’m not sure if a sedative would even work, looks okay?”

“Brigadier General, please listen to me for a moment…!”

“I’ll hear your explanation later, so get out.”

“Ah, ugh…”

It’s too noisy. I feel like I’m going to throw up. Sehwa shook his head slowly. He could tell Lieutenant Na was saying something. He could also hear the man’s rough voice interjecting occasionally. All sorts of noises gathered and buzzed like a broken speaker. The long-lasting ringing in his ears completely faded away with the sound of the door slamming shut. Then there was silence. All he could feel was his own heartbeat. The pulsation that rose from his toes soon became a huge tidal wave, beating against Sehwa’s ears.

Although it was unofficial, he had gotten blood tests quite often. When the due date for repayment was delayed, the boss’s lackeys would gather people in similar situations and start by drawing blood. They would tie them up, ruthlessly stick large needles in them, and say things like, “Can we sell these organs or not?” right to their faces. They even showed people being drained of blood like mummies in the workplace. Saying with a grin that if it’s difficult to sell organs, they should at least sell blood. It was a kind of show. To scare people into paying back quickly.

And every time, Sehwa received the same result. A male body with clean blood, incapable of pregnancy. Although it happened before he fully established himself as a distributor, it’s nonsense for one’s physiology to change in just a few years. Moreover, it’s not even about being able to get pregnant in the future, but that there’s already a child in the womb?

“Lee Sehwa!”

Every blink brought shifting colors to his vision—white, then suddenly red, blue, and then pitch black. Even without any medical knowledge, Sehwa could tell from the graphs on the results that something was seriously wrong. Such extreme spikes on the curves couldn’t happen without some significant cause.

“Lee Sehwa, snap out of it!”

A firm warmth supported the back of his neck. As soon as he saw the large hand gripping his forearm, the back of his eyelids felt like they were burning. Thick tears fell drop by drop without even having time to pool. Pregnancy? It was hard to believe even if they shoved an ultrasound or whatever in his face. Yet, rather than suspecting these people of conspiring together, the reason he quickly accepted that it could be possible was because of the owner of this hand.

Because of this man.

Because of Ki Tae-jeong.

More than the common sense or facts Sehwa knew, it was how he had treated him until now that made him easily accept this phenomenon. Because he was more than human enough. Ki Tae-jeong knew his body had become like this, that’s why he had been talking about pregnancy and such from the beginning.

A fire raged inside him. Because this hand didn’t probe his back h0le last night. Because he just held him tightly until he was drenched in sweat. That’s why he kept wondering. That something seemed different between them. Come to think of it, he wasn’t as harsh as before, he granted most of his requests if he asked carefully, sometimes he even smiled… and when he cried, he would comfort him, telling him not to cry. Doesn’t it seem like more than just treating a plaything? …Like an idiot, he had been pondering such things.

The doubt that had been flowing in a somewhat gentle and ticklish direction suddenly changed course. Yes, this is more fitting. Such nonsensical misfortune, stupidly being betrayed, was much more suited to his life.

Sehwa had been preparing to be abandoned by him whenever he was no longer useful. Not knowing he had already been abandoned. No, not realizing that being abandoned was only possible when one fully belonged to someone in the first place. He didn’t even have the right to be abandoned by Ki Tae-jeong, yet he had gotten excited on his own….

“Huu, uh…”

Sehwa tried to open his mouth to take a deep breath, but nothing reached his lungs. Sehwa coughed and cried like someone who had forgotten how to breathe. As he lay limp, tears streaming down, suddenly something occurred to him and he swung his hand widely.

“What are you doing!”

Ki Tae-jeong grabbed both of Sehwa’s wrists as he tried to hit his stomach hard, and yelled. Sehwa laughed through his tears, finding it absurd. It’s a child. There’s a baby in his womb.

“Then, am I supposed to, just leave it?”

This child will live like him. It’s obvious how people will treat it. Rather than that, it would be happier not being born. Sehwa had spent countless nights falling asleep with such thoughts. Better not to be born. If only they had killed him when he knew nothing…. So Sehwa clenched his fist with bloodshot eyes. They said it was only 5 weeks, so it should be easy to end it. If he hit his stomach hard. Or if he threw herself somewhere. Wouldn’t it be over quickly then?

“Die, must die…, ah….”

“Calm down and listen to me first.”

A firm, broad embrace held Sehwa tightly and wouldn’t let go. The hand that firmly fixed Sehwa’s head, which was swaying lifelessly like a puppet with cut strings, was burning hot. The wet flesh that boldly invaded his parted lips was just as heated. T0ngues intertwined, saliva pooled and was swallowed, and bit by bit, air flowed down his throat. The breath he had been lacking slowly started to fill him. Despite being the one who had burned his insides black, Ki Tae-jeong was trying his best to restore his breathing.

“Lee Sehwa.”

The distance was so close that he could see every crack in his irises. Ridiculously, the man, Ki Tae-jeong, seemed a bit flustered.

“It was like that from the beginning, wasn’t it?”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“Even not doing anything last night, and touching my belly telling me to sleep… you knew everything, you knew from the start…”

“I said it wasn’t.”

“You should have just kept treating me roughly like in the beginning.”

Thinking back, Ki Tae-jeong of that time who crushed people with sheer force, saying he would check for hidden drvgs in his body, make his obey from now on, was still scary, but from his perspective, it might have been a reasonable action. A first-class criminal responsible for drvg manufacturing and distribution. Moreover, an accomplice involved in suspicious activities with Lieutenant Kim. It wouldn’t make sense to show mercy during interrogation. But if that was the case.

“You should have kept beating me, kicking me, locking me up and just treating me badly…”

Don’t hug me and tell me not to cry because you took the ledger from the Boss. Don’t give me cake that I’ve never seen before in my life. Don’t take me to nice restaurants just to improve the mood of a mere criminal and 4-Hwan resident. Don’t pressure me with an anxious face asking why I won’t kiss you… Just keep torturing me instead. Carelessly call my name and treat me like a rag to wipe your d1ck, regardless of whether my insides rot and decay, why. Why on earth….

“You say it’s not true? But… that’s why you said I did a good job back then, right?”

In his feverish, confused state, Sehwa blurted out any sentence that came to mind. He wanted to speak coherently. He wanted to accurately explain this anger that felt like it would burst his chest. But like a fool, he just kept crying. Even properly parting his trembling lips was difficult.

“What?”

“That I took your d1ck well until the end even while pregnant, that’s what you meant…”

“No, you really… God, this is driving me crazy.”

The first kind words Sehwa had heard from Ki Tae-jeong, that soft and low voice, turned into thousands, tens of thousands of needles piercing his heart.

“I’m just a worm that you can step on and kill, aren’t I…”

Sehwa’s head drooped. There’s no need to be so elaborately cruel.

“A worm?”

Ki Tae-jeong snorted as if finding it ridiculous.

“You think that’s how I saw you? Are you serious?”

“……”

“You should know better than anyone how I treat the bastards I consider lower than worms.”

At Ki Tae-jeong’s resolute words, larger teardrops rolled down Sehwa’s chin and fell.

“Fvck, seriously…”

Ki Tae-jeong had been preparing in his own way. To make Lee Sehwa accept the situation as gently as possible, and to keep him from knowing the deeper circumstances as much as possible. Although their last s3x had been intense, he thought the results wouldn’t come out right away, so he believed he could sufficiently soothe Lee Sehwa in the meantime. But he never expected that the pregnancy would be 5 weeks along, or that Lieutenant Na would blurt it all out without consulting him first.

He knew well that Lieutenant Na focused solely on the patient regardless of the circumstances, and that his conviction as a doctor was stronger than that of a military medical officer. It was also a kind of trauma from the detention camp, and although he sometimes went overboard, it wasn’t that he couldn’t understand. Above all, Ki Tae-jeong thought that Lieutenant Na’s firm attitude would rather reassure Lee Sehwa. But to think he would cross the line like this. Of course, it probably meant that Sehwa’s condition was that bad….

Ki Tae-jeong exhaled slowly through his teeth, swallowing the rising anger. Lieutenant Na’s disciplinary action wasn’t an issue to think about right now. What was important now was….

“I didn’t know about the pregnancy.”

It wasn’t a lie. He really didn’t know he was pregnant.

“Truly, I didn’t know.”

Ki Tae-jeong stared at Sehwa for a long time, unable to take his eyes off his deep crying, then slowly spoke. He had expected Sehwa to cry when told his body had changed. He had always liked Sehwa’s crying face anyway. But he hadn’t wanted him to break down like this. This was sincere.

The scales in his mind tipped back and forth repeatedly. Should he tell him everything he had originally planned, or insist that he didn’t know about this either….

The question of whether to kill or let live was rather easy. He would definitely keep him alive. At first, he thought it would be enough if he just carried the child as evidence, whether he lived or died, but now he didn’t want that. He wanted to keep him alive and well as much as possible. It seemed a waste to discard him after the job was done. He had grown to enjoy their relationship, and wanted to continue seeing him until he got bored.

But what he needed to tell Sehwa now wasn’t a simple matter of life and death. It was no different from a crossroads of ‘how to make him live’ from now on.

Let’s say he tells Sehwa the truth. That the drvgs Lieutenant Kim had been feeding him were problematic, that he knew about it from the beginning, no, that he slept with him because he knew about it, if he tells him everything like that…. Sehwa would probably break down. He could keep him by his side as long as he’s breathing, but….

The image of Sehwa from some time ago, reaching out first and hugging him, that clear face, held the weight tipping to the other side. The feeling of his fingers hesitantly resting on his shoulders, the gesture of his body squirming and burrowing into his embrace, those foolish lips clumsily allowing a kiss, and those powerful tears he’s shedding now… They all left Ki Tae-jeong unable to move.

Crying so hard he’s drained. Pushing him away with a face he’s never seen before, looking so pitiful. If Sehwa learns that Ki Tae-jeong knew everything from the start and forced the relationship, that his words about wanting him to get pregnant weren’t a joke… Sehwa will never look at him again. Even if he keeps him alive, what he’ll have by his side will just be a completely broken shell.

He didn’t like that. He definitely didn’t like it.

“I’ve told you before, haven’t I? That I’m an orphan from a detention camp too, so I hate kids.”

If so.

“What do you think the reason is?”

Was there really a need to tell him everything truthfully? It would only hurt Sehwa, and he would lose what he wanted. This wasn’t a good ending for anyone.

“Because it’s obvious that if I have a child, they’ll go through the same things I did.”

So Ki Tae-jeong decided to bring up a story that would inevitably soften Sehwa’s heart. This wasn’t entirely a lie either. After all, lies based on truth are usually the most perfect.

“Why… I understand why you’re suspicious, but I really didn’t know either.”

Those glass-like eyes, soaked with tears, stared at him blankly. Ki Tae-jeong grabbed Sehwa’s tear-stained cheeks and emphasized once more. Once he made up his mind, plausible words flowed out smoothly like a snake. Lying was this easy.

“If I had known, I would have obviously been careful about contraception.”

The young lamb only blinked his large eyes slowly at this wicked and cunning deception. Has he calmed down a bit compared to earlier? He wasn’t sure. Ki Tae-jeong just wanted to lick away the tears clinging to each of Sehwa’s eyelashes. The stinging feeling he had experienced before was spreading much larger than before. It felt like an invisible hand was scratching hard below his stomach.