M 75

“Wh-what nonsense…”

“Why, was it not good?”

Ki Tae-jeong’s voice demanding an answer was tinged with certainty that it wasn’t. He was clearly doing this on purpose. Sehwa, who had been stammering in confusion, eventually gave up responding and turned his gaze away obliquely.

“Cherry, blueberry… was it apple?”

But that didn’t last long. With a voice full of amusement, he brought up a topic he couldn’t possibly ignore, causing him to snap his head up as if struck by lightning.

“…”

“I was wondering what amazing thing you wanted to eat so badly that you were being so cautious, but…”

“How… did you know?”

“I told you I had someone keeping an eye on you. As for the apple… I guessed because you asked if there were any in the fridge yesterday.”

Ki Tae-jeong tapped his wrist watch to check the pending notifications. Because a small hologram screen popped up above the display, he could unintentionally peek at the conversation he had with Sergeant Major Choi.

The most recent exchange was a code name Sehwa couldn’t understand. Just above that, in a message sent from Ki Tae-jeong’s side… there was an order to pick up everything Sehwa had shown interest in today. There were traces of Sergeant Major Choi’s reply mentioning “madam” in response to the brusque instruction to scrape up everything available, by place of origin and variety.

“Lee Sehwa.”

“…”

“Next time, just ask me to buy it for you.”

As he pretended not to know and cleared his throat with a “Ahem,” thinking he might have been caught peeking, Ki Tae-jeong turned off the hologram and chided him as if it was absurd.

“It’s not like you’re asking me to flay someone alive. What’s so difficult about saying you want to eat some fruit?”

As they changed floors, the long screens installed on both walls filled with images of the sea. The advertising phrase “Prepare for the upcoming holiday season with our brand” was floating on white sea foam.

Following the movement of the waves on the screen, a scent reminiscent of the sea wafted over. Sehwa took a deep breath. Watching the endless undulating blue waves somehow made him feel refreshed. The navy uniform Ki Tae-jeong was wearing also seemed to blend naturally with the scenery, as if dyed by the blue waves rushing in.

“You might as well tell me straight from your mouth, since I’ll find out anyway. Whether you want to eat something, or you’re feeling horny.”

“…”

“Otherwise, I’ll misunderstand as I please.”

Ki Tae-jeong clicked his tongue, saying not to bother him with trivial things.

Sehwa shrank his neck again, hesitating. His own face reflected in the long gap under the escalator handrail looked unfamiliar. As Ki Tae-jeong had said, his face had filled out and looked glossy. Even though he had been crying for days from shock and then collapsed into sleep, his complexion looked much better than when he was working at the House. And…

Ki Tae-jeong’s impression had also changed a lot since he first saw him. His unrealistically handsome features remained the same. However, his aura had changed. It was as if his edges had been slightly rounded off. Of course, just a little…

Sehwa’s wandering gaze fell to their feet. Ki Tae-jeong’s military boots and his own shabby sneakers were standing side by side in the same compartment. It was a terribly mismatched sight.

But whether they matched or not, the person standing next to Tae-jeong was Lee Sehwa. It was none other than himself who was staying by his side.

Listening to the crisp sound of breaking waves, Sehwa felt something awakening inside him.

Until now, he had been thinking of all emotions in just black and white. Although he had somehow accepted the contradiction of liking Ki Tae-jeong, he had considered unrequited feelings as inevitably sad. He kept dwelling on past misfortunes, indulging in gloom and counting only his own shortcomings. He believed that not having expectations for the other person stemmed from such a mindset. He thought that since it wasn’t a pure and beautiful emotion, it should be painted over in black and hidden away.

But maybe the fact that he didn’t expect anything from him, that resignation… doesn’t necessarily have to be a gloomy color. Looking at the two pairs of feet standing in the same compartment, such thoughts suddenly washed over his like waves.

Even if the end was approaching, this time was not a lie. This feeling was not an illusion. If so, it would be okay not to deny the happiness he received from him and to tremble in fear. Waiting for the end with a little more joy… approaching this relationship with such a mindset wouldn’t be an arrogant wish, would it?

Sehwa nodded his head slightly. Not for anyone else to see, but to comfort himself.

Yes, this was certainly an awakening. It was different from being broken or damaged. Some unnamed emotion that had been all crumpled up peeked its head out. The shabby shell cracked open, and a warm, heartfelt sensation that even Sehwa didn’t know was there awkwardly fluttered its wings.

“…Brigadier General.”

After firmly tying up the frayed threads of his heart, he carefully took one more step forward. Instead of scolding himself for having presumptuous desires, he decided to pour out his heart to the best of his ability.

Because he liked… that man.

Despite everything that had happened,

Nevertheless,

Because he undoubtedly liked Ki Tae-jeong.

“It wasn’t that the uniform looked good.”

Sehwa put the cap back on the man who turned to look at him. Because he was shorter than him, even when standing on tiptoe, he could only barely place it on the front of his head. It was almost like putting it on his forehead. It wasn’t intentional, but it ended up seeming like payback for his earlier action of blocking his view.

“You said you had important business… that important people had called you and you had to go…”

“…”

“But it seemed like you came because you were worried about me… that looked cool, so… that’s why I was looking at you.”

There were moments where his voice trembled miserably as if he had hiccups, but he still managed to say everything he wanted to say. It was a first. To lay bare his innermost feelings to Ki Tae-jeong without trailing off.

Sehwa had been so afraid to say he liked him that he had indirectly asked if he could call him by name now. But now he was able to express his feelings towards the man calmly. His heart, which had suddenly grown a span more, had made him this much stronger.

“…Thank you. For coming to see me even though you’re busy.”

Sehwa smiled faintly.

As the man removed the hat covering, a deep blue sea was rippling in his gaze.

***

“Ugh, heung… ungh…”  

Sehwa let his body collapse helplessly under the touch that caressed his back.  

How did it end up like this?  

During the move to the official residence, well, there was nothing special. Ki Tae-jeong and him both avoided sensitive topics. For instance, General Oh Seon-ran, the baby in his stomach, or issues like House or Lieutenant Kim.  

They just exchanged trivial stories. Thoughts on the dazzling 5-Star skyline visible through the window, the different temperatures and weather in each district… those kinds of things.  

Perhaps Sehwa’s efforts to avoid the awkward silence were commendable, as Ki Tae-jeong responded plainly. He said he would buy him new clothes since the seasons were changing. He also suggested that once the baby issue was ‘resolved,’ they should go to an island famous for its resorts. He said he would show him the sea that had just unfolded in the display.  

Resolved…  

Sehwa decided to pretend not to notice that Ki Tae-jeong had chosen the softer expression ‘resolved’ instead of saying he would take the baby away or kill it. By the time Sehwa thought that far and started to analyze it, all his courage for the day had already been spent.  

Every time Ki Tae-jeong naturally mentioned the future, Sehwa felt the fluttering of butterflies in his chest grow even more intense. He even thought it was ridiculous that his heart might be sweetened and die.  

Before he knew it, they had arrived at the official residence, and it was time to unlock the front door.  

Sehwa was staring blankly at Ki Tae-jeong’s gesture of recognizing his iris and placing his hand on the plate. The man’s fingernails, which were pressed down, were stained red, and a brisk unlocking sound rang out.​

The moment Sehwa stepped forward to enter through the open door without a second thought, his gaze intertwined with Ki Tae-jeong’s. It was just a fleeting moment, but he thought his eyes looked deeper and darker than usual, and then… his memory became sporadically fragmented.  

As they entered, he remembered that they both reached out their hands at the same time. Like people who felt they would die if they didn’t kiss immediately, they pressed their lips together desperately. Sehwa didn’t know why, but it felt like they had to. He needed this man’s breath.  

Sehwa regained his senses when Ki Tae-jeong suddenly lifted him up. Ki Tae-jeong supported him with one hand and skillfully removed his clothes.  

Sehwa awkwardly wrapped his legs around the man’s waist, clinging to him as if he were the only thing left in the world. Every time his heels brushed against the bulging muscles of his back, he cursed fiercely.  

“Ah, heung… ah…”  

The hand that was holding him suddenly intruded into his underwear.  

Ki Tae-jeong, like kneading dough, carelessly groped his buttocks, kissing his earlobe and then his chin with quick pecks. Then, without hurting him, he bit his cheeks and nose, intertwined their lips, lifted his body, and chewed on his neck and shoulders, and then…  

“Ha…”  

At the low, resonating sigh of Ki Tae-jeong, Sehwa unconsciously tightened his thighs. He knew it wouldn’t stop anything, but he was already embarrassed by the front of his shirt, which had become damp with pre-cum.  

Before Sehwa knew it, Ki Tae-jeong’s arms, which were warming his slick body with sweat, seemed to tighten a little more, and the world slowly tilted. He didn’t know when they had moved to the bedroom, but the sensation against his back was definitely the bed sheets.  

“Ugh, ah…”  

“Did you already come?”  

He was going crazy.  

Sehwa squeezed his eyes shut. Every time the soft fabric brushed against  his skin, the man’s scent vibrated.  

The room was empty. There were no mirrors, nightstands, or any furniture typically found in a bedroom; only a huge bed that matched his height was awkwardly placed.  

The thought that Ki Tae-jeong’s space was solely for sleeping made it even harder to endure. The cool scent of perfume, the faint bitter smell of cigarettes… an indescribable, solid, adult male scent.  

“Ha, I don’t think we should…”  

“I won’t do it to the end.”  

“But…”  

“You’d love it even if I just let you suck my fingers.”  

The blue veins on the back of Ki Tae-jeong’s hands stood out as he tore apart Sehwa’s soaking wet underwear.​