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    Loves Balance

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    “Want to hear something surprising? The air is so bad that this is actually less hot than it could be?”

    The lower the number, the harsher the environment. The heat in 2-Hwan was incomparable to 4-Hwan. Although wearing a gas mask in this weather was a bit uncomfortable, some people even said it was fortunate that the thick, hazy black things densely hanging in the sky reduced the scorching heat.

    “Hey kid, you there?”

    “Ah, yes!”

    Sehwa hurriedly put on his gas mask and opened the closed window slightly. Just a little, so that not too much bad air would come in, so that Saessak wouldn’t suffer. It might look suspicious, but he wanted to avoid showing his face as much as possible.

    “What is it?”

    “Hmm? Why did you have the window open?”

    Ms. Song, a senior employee at the restaurant, frowned and covered her mouth.

    “Ah… I washed some clothes, and there was a musty smell because of poor ventilation.”

    “Even so… What if something bad gets on your clothes? It’s not good for your health.”

    Clicking her tongue, Ms. Song told him to use the old dryer behind the break room later. She added advice to steal a little of the detergent or fabric softener the boss sometimes uses, which could be found in the cabinet on the far right. Ms. Song, who had worked here for quite a while, knew everything.

    “Is the work manageable?”

    “Of course.”

    Sehwa was in charge of inspecting the lunch boxes for delivery. It was so easy that he felt guilty about getting paid for it. All he had to do was check if any side dishes were missing, and insert the packaged soup and utensils.

    He didn’t even have to stand. Though it was in a corner, Sehwa’s spot, which was neither hot nor cold, was acknowledged by other long-time employees as the best position in the kitchen.

    An easy job that pays well, sitting in a cozy place…. Of course, he found it suspicious. He had suddenly moved lodgings because similar cushy jobs were popping up everywhere.

    There’s no such thing as an easy and comfortable way to make money in this world. After much deliberation, Sehwa decided to move elsewhere due to his uneasy feelings.

    He moved to different inn rooms a couple of times, bustling about like a grasshopper, and only after about two days did he cautiously poke his head into a nearby labor office. But lo and behold, suspicious job postings were lined up on the walls of this office too.

    As he stared blankly in confusion, a person standing nearby smacked their lips, saying these were frequent postings lately. After the fire, all sorts of officials – soldiers, police, you name it – had been coming and going in 2-Hwan in droves, and because these people were so picky about their food, they were urgently looking for someone to check things carefully. The man’s face, as he regretfully said that it was a position not given to just anyone and that someone like him couldn’t even dream of it, looked sincere enough.

    And this time too, this sweet job fell to Sehwa. The reason was that his hands looked fair and nimble, likely to make fewer mistakes than the older men who just tried to slack off.

    The office worker repeatedly emphasized: even if it seems like nothing, quite a few restaurants have been fined due to the tantrums of high-ranking officials, so he needed to do well.

    Sehwa could understand why easy jobs like lunch box inspection had appeared, and why the labor office managers particularly favored him… but still, the unsettling feeling wouldn’t go away. Cards that fall into place this neatly usually lead to trouble when you play them.

    Sehwa no longer believed in things like luck. Good things that came his way always hid thorns. The better things looked on the surface, the more they ended up hurting him in the end.

    Of course, he really liked this restaurant now. He could save on rent and food costs, so money accumulated faster than expected. Above all, it was good because it was easy on his body. He could use air conditioning without paying extra utility fees, and could wash freely with warm water.

    So he tried hard to ignore certain premonitions, doubts, and hunches that kept raising their heads. He tried to deceive himself, thinking maybe he could just hang on here pretending not to know, then go meet General Oh Seon-ran. Ask him to take care of things, and maybe finally get some peaceful sleep….

    What made him keep getting up his lazy body that kept wanting to sit down was thanks to Saessak. This wasn’t just about scraping by for himself. He had given the baby a grand prenatal name, so he ought to take responsibility.

    After hesitating for a long time, Sehwa finally dropped a hint to Ms. Song yesterday. He asked if there was anyone who would switch jobs with him, preferably for a position with higher pay.

    “You know, my younger brother is disembarking in three days, want to take his place?”

    “Disembarking… so it’s work on a ship?”

    “Yeah, you know those huge cargo ships that carry containers? He’s doing odd jobs in the galley of a big ship like that.”

    “So you cook and stuff there?”

    “That’s right. The people working there need to eat too. Cooking meals, cleaning the kitchen….”

    “Sounds similar to what I’m doing now. I’d like that.”

    “Like it? The daily pay is higher, but it’s not as comfortable as inspecting lunch boxes. If I were you, I’d stick it out here until they kicked me out. If money’s tight, I’d work at factories or construction sites on days off.”

    Saying there’s no harder work than being on a ship even if it’s not a fishing boat, Ms. Song lightly smacked Sehwa’s back a few times. She added that Sehwa didn’t know the ways of the world because he was young.

    “I think being at sea would be better than 2-Hwan with its bad air. You don’t even have to wear gas masks there.”

    “I’m worried you’ll resent me. Think it over carefully, because once you say you don’t like being on the ship and ask for this position back, I won’t be able to take it back.”

    “It’s really okay. I… I dislike 2-Hwan more.”

    As Ms. Song said, it’s not a small fishing boat but a huge cargo ship, so the work should be fairly divided. They probably won’t suddenly ask him to drive a forklift or carry pallets. Moreover, if he’s preparing three meals a day and cleaning, he’ll likely be cooped up in the galley all day, so there might be less interaction with others? Since it’s a large ship, there should also be a doctor or nurse on board in case of emergencies…. Although it might be more physically demanding than now, the conditions themselves seemed perfect for Sehwa.

    “I want to work hard at a place that pays well and pay off my debt quickly.”

    As Ms. Song mentioned the vague debt that had become unclear how it had accumulated, she let out deep sighs.

    “Sigh. You look like you’ve barely turned 20…”

    Like in the 4-Hwan, lives in the 2-Hwan were generally similar. There was a heavy debt weighing on their shoulders, so old they couldn’t remember when it started, and despite working to death, the amount hardly decreased. Though they hadn’t explicitly shared their pasts, Sehwa suspected Ms. Song’s situation was similar.

    “You said you’re not from the 2-Hwan? Me neither.”

    It seems Sehwa was right. Ms. Song dropped her shoulders and slowly began to recount her past story. Nothing builds camaraderie as easily as the sorrow of debt that’s not your fault.

    “…Anyway, in the midst of all that, my son got addicted to gambling and took out a huge private loan. My husband and I tried to keep it quiet, but the interest snowballed…”

    At the mention of gambling, Sehwa guiltily swallowed hard.

    “You never know what life will bring. I never dreamed I’d be living like this in my later years…”

    Ms. Song said she used to be called “madam” in the 4-Hwan, and could see a small river from her house.

    “…I see.”

    “Life is so unpredictable…. Anyway, I’ll let you know again the day before the ship arrives.”

    “Yes. Thank you.”

    “Oh, are you still not going to show your ID this time? If so, they’ll probably deduct 30% from your wages there too.”

    “No, I think I might be able to get one somehow.”

    Naturally, Sehwa hadn’t submitted any documents on his first day at the restaurant. When he vaguely explained that debt collectors had taken his resident ID, the owner just stroked his chin saying “Is that so.” It was something loan sharks often did to tie up people’s identities, and there were a few other employees in similar situations, so he didn’t seem too suspicious. Instead, 30% was deducted from his daily wage.

    “You got a fake one, right?”

    “…Yes.”

    “Good job. It might be just putting on a show, but… it’s better than having nothing at all. It means you have the ability and information to at least get something like this. Sailors can be really rough. It’s not good to be looked down on.”

    Sehwa agreed. Not being able to show an ID or provide a bank account number meant having that many more vulnerabilities. Even if he had to receive his wages in cash, he thought he should at least prepare a fake ID. This was why he had been taking on all sorts of overtime work and diligently looking for other jobs on his days off, even though he had gained a bit of leeway.

    “Alright, I’ll keep that in mind. Oh, and… could you keep this secret from the other employees until you leave? About us conspiring like this behind their backs. There’s quite a few people who’ve been eyeing that position, wondering when the young man would quit.”

    Ms. Song added, seemingly embarrassed, that it would be best to quickly bring someone in to fill the position.

    “It’s because he is a younger friend I’m indebted to when I came down to the 2-Hwan with nothing. He’s the type who prefers earning a lot of money over having an easy job… but I want to tell him to take a little breather when he disembarks this time.”

    “No, it’s fine. I was actually worried because I wasn’t getting much work due to looking young. I’m more grateful that you’re looking out for me.”

    It was sincere. He had been wondering how to naturally ask to keep it a secret from others, but thanks to Ms. Song mentioning it first, he was able to smoothly get past it.

    “Still, I feel bad. Just looking at your neck and the back of your hands, they’re so fair and pretty. No matter how much you’re cooped up in the kitchen, everyone comes back all tanned after going on a ship.”

    Ms. Song, who was about to turn away, unnecessarily grasped Sehwa’s hand a few times before letting go. At first it seemed like an awkward gesture, but later she genuinely admired and fondled here and there.

    “Oh my… How can your skin be like this? Don’t let the old guys see you before you leave. They might get jealous and make you do a ton of dishes.”

    “Haha…. I’ll do it if they give me more pay.”

    “Oh, you’re so silly. Then I’ll see you later.”

    “Yes, take care.”

    Sehwa locked the door and closed the window he had left open. As soon as he took off his gas mask, sweat poured down his forehead and nape.

    Then suddenly, he stared blankly at his fingernails, which had turned red from gripping the gas mask.

    Ki Tae-jeong liked his pale body. He found his nipples, penis, and hole fascinating, as well as his fingernails and toenails. The same went for his fair skin that left marks wherever it was grasped.

    He hoped Ms. Song’s words would come true. He wished his hair would become messy from the sea breeze, his skin would tan nicely, and his hands would become rough and hard from grueling work…. He wished nothing would remain of what Ki Tae-jeong had found appealing.

    Sehwa huddled his knees while leaning against the locked door. He was tired but couldn’t fall asleep.

    At night, Ki Tae-jeong’s afterimage appears relentlessly. The man sometimes acted frighteningly as if he would drag him away at any moment, and sometimes gently caressed his face as if he would do anything he asked. Sometimes he looked at him contemptuously as if he would see all sorts of funny sights, and sometimes he wore a small smile.

    After suffering through what seemed like nightmares or sleep paralysis, in the end, the glass greenhouse always appeared. It was where Sehwa had decided to let go of everything and accept Ki Tae-jeong. He would stare at him crying pitifully and then quietly call out, “Lee Sehwa.” At those times, even the damp smell of the blanket would disappear instantly, leaving only the warmth and scent of the man who always held him tightly.

    “…Come to think of it, it’s cool. You’re not a sprout growing in the ground, but a tree growing in the sea. The sea… the sea, I’ve never really seen it properly…”

    Sehwa shook his head slightly, trying to push away the overflowing memories. Then, forcing a smile, he dug up the shallow knowledge he had about the sea.

    “The sea is a vast place full of salt water… It’s incredibly deep. There are fish living down there…”

    Every time he uttered these inadequate words, a chilling fear ran down his spine. The terror of going out to the vast sea, the dread that even such a clumsy escape would be impossible there. Even if he could hide it now, eventually his pregnancy would be discovered… What would happen then? Would he be able to safely disembark from the ship? Would they find him troublesome and abandon him on some shore, or in a port in a distant country?

    “It’ll be really cool. Even though I’ve only seen it from afar…”

    Sehwa, trying to overcome his fear, deliberately rambled on about impossible hopes, but soon lowered his head. The moment of falling into the deep blue water with Ki Tae-jeong, the refreshing hologram they had seen together at the department store, came crashing down like a bombardment, crushing his already pulverized heart over and over again.

    ***

    “If you don’t see me after 10 minutes, get up immediately. Then move clockwise from the first place I called you to, and if you don’t see anyone there either, let’s meet again the next day. I’ll do the same.”

    Ki Tae-jeong listened to Oh Seon-ran’s crackling voice while checking the holographic map. It had become a new habit since Lee Sehwa ran away.

    The captured fence, upon confirming Ki Tae-jeong’s rank, immediately surrendered everything she had. She especially handed over her phone and voice recorder politely, as if presenting evidence, saying all the information they’d be interested in was there. She also pleaded for leniency, claiming she had only managed to grab a few badges that could access the ports.

    Badges. Those were items Ki Tae-jeong had given to Lee Sehwa without much thought in the 1-Hwan shelter. Thinking it might come in handy. But the item he gave ended up being used as a means to escape from him. And this… really made him feel like shit.

    “Um, Brigadier General. Three weeks from now is practically the day after tomorrow.”

    As Ki Tae-jeong kept looking at the 2-Hwan map every day without giving any instructions, Sergeant Major Choi cautiously asked.

    “I was wondering if you planned to assign people here as well…”

    The location Oh Seon-ran had designated wasn’t too far or too close to the restaurant where Lee Sehwa was currently staying. A distance where they could intervene if needed, but might lose him if caught up in a commotion… A distance where it wouldn’t hurt to act cautiously.

    “What is Lee Sehwa doing now?”

    “It’s almost time for him to start inspecting the evening boxed meals. However…”

    “However?”

    “He’s working quietly, but… it seems he might be trying to make a fake ID. He’s apparently attempted to contact people in that business.”

    Lieutenant Park trailed off, carefully watching his superior’s precarious mood. If Sehwa was trying to forge an ID, he was undoubtedly planning something soon. And Ki Tae-jeong looked completely on edge.

    “…This game of hide-and-seek has gone on long enough.”

    Ki Tae-jeong, with a face sharp enough to cut, stared unwaveringly at the 2-Hwan map that appeared before him.

    “Lead this Sehwa from the restaurant where he’s working now to… the place where he’s supposed to meet Oh Seon-ran.”

    No more, really no more.

    “If by chance a violent confrontation occurs with General Oh Seon-ran, then…”

    He felt he couldn’t bear Lee Sehwa’s absence any longer.

    “That won’t happen.”

    As the man spoke decisively, something dark and gloomy flashed in his eyes and then subsided.

    “Lee Sehwa will plead to Oh Seon-ran with his own mouth to stay by my side.”

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