M 146

Ki Tae-jeong leaned his upper body toward the passenger seat and pulled the belt taut. Sehwa held his breath and just waited for him to completely retreat. It was only the man’s shadow that had fallen over his body, but he felt as if he was being crushed by him with his whole being.

“I’ll have to report this. That the seatbelt is difficult to fasten.”

“Right. I probably wasn’t the only one who didn’t know. The seat is all black, and the place to insert this is all black too… It looks a bit different from what’s in other cars… I thought it was a decorative item.”

“Right. I’ll write it in the report. Give it a bad evaluation too.”

“…Thank you.”

Only after muttering in a mosquito-like voice did he realize the timing wasn’t good. He had meant to thank him for fastening his seatbelt. Didn’t it look like he was pleased about him venting anger in the report instead? Just from having his seatbelt fastened, he became unnecessarily conscious of Ki Tae-jeong and embarrassed, so Sehwa buried himself deep in the seat.

“What did you do today?”

Ki Tae-jeong changed the subject as if making an effort. The profile he glimpsed sideways had that languid smile hanging on it as expected.

“Besides baking bread and General Oh Seon-ran’s visit. Wasn’t there anything else?”

“Um… besides that… hmm.”

Ki Tae-jeong would ask what he did during the day every time he came home from work. Even though he would have received all the reports from the people he had assigned, he definitely wanted to receive a daily report from Sehwa’s own mouth. All he did was take care of the baby and bake bread anyway. Maybe add going to the hospital periodically. Knowing well that he could only give the same answer because there was almost no variation in Sehwa’s daily routine, he was being persistently demanding today. As if there was more to hear afterwards.

“Well… I can’t think of anything.”

“When did Hae-rim leave?”

“After lunch.”

“Then what did you play with Hae-rim in the morning?”

“In the morning… oh, I did something called kangaroo care for Hae-rim.”

“What’s that again… ah. Putting the baby on bare skin?”

Hmm. It wasn’t a wrong explanation, but… it was too lovely a childcare method to be summarized so bluntly.

Since it was common to operate before the mother’s body was too burdened, parenting methods that helped with bonding with the baby were very popular everywhere. Kangaroo care was one of them. It wasn’t particularly difficult. Laying the child on the bare chest and letting them hear the caregiver’s heartbeat. That was all. He heard it was better if both guardians did it together, but asking Ki Tae-jeong for such a favor was somehow… still a bit much.

Anyway. Even in the book General Oh Seon-ran had bought before Hae-rim was born, there was an explanation about kangaroo care. They said incubators raised children more perfectly than when they were in a person’s belly, but wasn’t this all superstition too? If he started believing in things like this, he might get swayed by other things too, so he should skip these kinds of things. That’s what he thought then, but when it became about his own child, he ended up trying anything that was said to be good. Especially when all it involved was holding tight and letting them hear heartbeats, what was so difficult about that?

“I had forgotten about it too, but it came on TV. So I thought of it and tried following along.”

For kangaroo care, it was best to have direct bare skin contact with each other, but even if he didn’t mind, it seemed bad for Hae-rim to be completely naked too. It might be cold for the baby… So he built a cave with blankets and the two of them were buried deep inside it.

Hae-rim squirmed a little, then soon laid his head on Sehwa’s chest and fell fast asleep. The sweet baby scent wafting from his crown was unbearably lovely. His tiny mouth yawning softly, his wriggling fingers were so small that just watching blankly made him feel like tears might come.

Speaking of which, their Hae-rim… this is his first time sleeping somewhere else. Is he doing well? Even though he’s such a gentle baby, he might have been surprised since the environment suddenly changed. Sehwa, who had been in full hedgehog mode over trivial thorns, belatedly realized that this was why that man had been persistently questioning what he did today.

“What did you hear from the sitter?”

“Yeah. He said you took Hae-rim under the blankets and wouldn’t come out.”

Ki Tae-jeong replied while fixing his gaze on the hologram floating above his watch face.

“I wondered if you had cried again.”

Though he spoke indirectly, it ultimately meant he was worried about him. Even though he wasn’t deliberately putting weight behind his words, somehow his chest tingled. Sometimes Ki Tae-jeong would say flirtatious things as if he had made up his mind, or put great effort into trying to look cool. If the intention was to look good, he wanted to tell him he absolutely didn’t need to do that. When he worried about him like this as if it was nothing, when he casually tossed out a word in passing, that was much better…

“Have you ever seen a kangaroo?”

“Ah, no? Why suddenly?”

“Because you like that kind of thing.”

“Me?”

“Don’t you like dolphins and such things?”

“How did you know that… no, kangaroos aren’t dolphins.”

Sehwa had actually searched out of curiosity and neatly folded his heart after seeing the muscular beasts swinging their fists.

But how did Ki Tae-jeong know he liked dolphins? Rather than liking them, it was just a fantasy he had harbored that maybe he could see them once if he rode a big ship. It was a small wish like a bubble that he had desperately clung to even knowing it would be wrecked…

“Later when Hae-rim grows up, shall we go see them together?”

“Kangaroos?”

“Kangaroos or dolphins.”

“Where can you see both… ah, the zoo?”

“Yeah. Still, the one in 5-Star territory is well decorated, so it doesn’t feel like they’re locked in narrow cages.”

The zoo in 5-star territory was set up as similarly as possible to their natural habitat environment, so it was more like observing from a distance. Sehwa, who had slightly furrowed his brow thinking of the cages where fighting dogs had been trapped, found himself nodding without realizing it while listening to Ki Tae-jeong’s explanation. Hmm. If it was like that, it wouldn’t be bad.

“So does Hae-rim like it? That kangaroo care thing.”

“Ah, yes. He slept well. I’m thinking of doing it for a while.”

“You just put him on and let him sleep?”

“Yes. They say it’s good to let them hear your heartbeat. I do talk to him and such. Anyway, they say it helps with bonding and emotional stability…”

“Really? Then shouldn’t you and I be doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Kangaroo care.”

“What? Why would we…”

“You said it helps with bonding and emotional stability.”

Was he serious? Sehwa, who had been hesitating and unable to find words to respond, only let out a long sigh through his nose after seeing the nonchalant smile that appeared on Ki Tae-jeong’s profile. Please don’t play around like this.

“I’m actually desperate, you know. Especially the bonding part.”

“…Sorry, but I’m not a baby. You’re not a baby either, Major General. You’re thirty now.”

“You seem like one though? Seeing how you do exactly the same things as Hae-rim.”

“…”

“You’re babbling a lot these days too. How admirable, Lee Sehwa.”

Sehwa thought that if he retorted, Ki Tae-jeong would be a little flustered, but he wasn’t. Rather, Sehwa, who had taken one hit, no, several hits, dropped his shoulders and gave up on counterattacking.

“Instead of that, how about we just lay down baby mats now? You fall down all the time. Even when there’s nothing on the floor.”

Now he was even spouting nonsense about raising two babies at home. When he stayed silent, it was getting more and more ridiculous.

But why was he suddenly talking about bonding and such? Pouting his lips and turning his gaze to the side mirror, Sehwa slowly, very slowly stole a glance at Ki Tae-jeong as a thought flashed through his mind.

Could it be that he… wants to have sex? That’s why he emphasized putting him on bare skin earlier. And he’s latching onto the bonding thing…

The man who had knocked his soul out with just a few words was busy with his own work, making his talk about kangaroo care seem pointless. While the smart car glided smoothly on the road by itself, Ki Tae-jeong was looking at something on a hologram. A model fighter plane was flying around like crazy in the floating virtual screen.

Sehwa, who was stealing glances at the man’s jaw, which was tightly closed and had a prominent line, realized that he had never explicitly expressed sexual desire in front of him.

Even though he told him to come to the residence every day, he didn’t try to undress him. But it wasn’t like Sehwa had been avoiding Ki Tae-jeong’s touch, or contact itself, all this time. After Hae-rim fell asleep, he would sit next to him on the living room sofa and rest silently or look at the terrace, and Ki Tae-jeong would lightly stroke his head. He would fold up his long sleeves and wipe the flour or cream off his cheek. It was surprising that he was only now thinking about this topic; nothing had happened so far.

No, really… what is it? Why doesn’t he make other demands? It couldn’t be that he rushes home from work because he needs a friend to eat with. Given his personality, it wouldn’t have been strange if he had pounced from the moment he placed Hae-rim in his arms.

Ki Tae-jeong was a greedy person who said he didn’t want Sehwa to accept him just because of the child, asking him to give him his whole heart like before. Though he wasn’t sure exactly when the “before” that Ki Tae-jeong spoke of was, wouldn’t sex naturally be included in the restoration of the relationship he wanted? If not, that would be amazing.

Then what about me? Do I want to have sex with Ki Tae-jeong? Could I do it?