M 183

Unlike the other items, Sehwa tilted his head, reading the large letters written on the tightly wrapped plastic. Did I even buy something like this? At first, he unwrapped it carefully, intending to return it, but he soon grew annoyed and impatient, ripping the plastic apart like a hamster digging through sawdust.

“What is this?”

After peeling off several layers of wrapping, the item that was finally revealed was nothing special compared to the extravagant packaging. It resembled lace panties, but if he had to find a difference from underwear, it would be the slightly unique shape of the leather that seemed to be for covering the front? It was cut squarely like tofu and quite large, the front alone being the size of Sehwa’s palm.

It looked too crude to be underwear for setting a mood. The locks, spare pieces of cloth, and strings remained a mystery, but Sehwa quickly lost interest, tossed the chastity belt aside, and lay back down on the bed.

Bzzzzz. The dildo he had turned on earlier was constantly vibrating near his ear. Is it because the mattress is good? When he held it in his hand, it was annoying like the buzzing of an insect, but now it had been reduced to something like white noise. It was perfect for zoning out, like listening to the sound of rain or a crackling fire.

By the way, quite a bit of time has already passed, is Lieutenant General even coming to the residence today…?

He heard that the training was being conducted in 2-Hwan. It’s quite a distance from 5-Star, but Ki Tae-jeong is an officer, and even in the Air Force. He’s one of the people in this country who lives most disregarding time and space, but seeing as he hasn’t returned to the residence yet… did something else happen? Or maybe he deliberately created work for himself….

“He must have seen all the notifications… and he hasn’t said anything….”

Sehwa wasn’t even angry anymore, just feeling down. Especially about the Second Lieutenant Kwon incident. He believes he certainly has the right to question him for taking the medication recklessly. But… Second Lieutenant Kwon, whether he was a past one-night stand or a sex partner, isn’t that beyond what he can say? It’s not like Ki Tae-jeong isn’t sleeping with him because he’s having an affair….

As he pondered the earlier events, the needle of his thoughts returned to the starting point.

Then why does he feel so bad?

Is it because he realized he wasn’t the first? That was definitely not it. He wasn’t the type to attach meaning to firsts, and he already knew that Ki Tae-jeong wasn’t inexperienced.

And he was sure that what he said about never having seriously dated anyone before was true. If Ki Tae-jeong was someone who knew how to love, if he had ever had a deep relationship with someone even once or twice, he wouldn’t have had such a difficult time getting together with him.

After honestly acknowledging his feelings, Ki Tae-jeong had never made Sehwa feel insecure. He was often taken aback by his very military way of thinking, but he didn’t feel upset about not receiving love. He’d never told Ki Tae-jeong this, but he was gentle in a rather aggressive way. It was just that the density and intensity of it were often suffocating… If Ki Tae-jeong had been rich in romantic experience, not just sexual experience, their relationship would have developed much more quickly and easily.

Anyway, he has never once felt that Ki Tae-jeong doesn’t love him or is doing something behind his back. He shouldn’t even listen to the words of a thug who only teases him to provoke him. Why does he keep getting upset for no reason?

“…Am I too small?”

Lost in thought, Sehwa had been fidgeting with his clenched fist for a while when a sudden hypothesis struck him. He stretched his arm straight up toward the ceiling. Perhaps Ki Tae-jeong’s type was someone like Second Lieutenant Kwon. Tall, with a broad, solid frame and a mean, sharp impression. …Even if the “mean” part was a personal comment added timidly, it was true that Second Lieutenant Kwon was the opposite of him.

When they first met, hadn’t Tae-jeong groped his body and said it was a shame, that it would have been nice if he’d eaten well and trained hard? Seeing how he was still desperate to fatten him up… right. It seemed he didn’t really prefer slender bodies like his to begin with.

“Still, Second Lieutenant Kwon is more….”

Sehwa, who had been muttering blankly, belatedly realized what he was about to say and smacked his lips. He pulled his lips out with his thumb and forefinger, and hot breath poured onto the back of his hand. The strong smell of alcohol that rose into his nasal passages as well.

After panting heavily for a while, Sehwa finally decided to acknowledge his ugly feelings that he had crumpled up and put away.

This is… jealousy.

There are times when emotions run wild before he can even recognize exactly what the feeling is. It was like that when he first fell for Ki Tae-jeong, when he let him go at the beach, when he realized he couldn’t live without him, and… it’s exactly like that now.

Not wanting to seem like a man with no composure, he had even deceived himself in the moment, but in truth, his mouth had gone dry every time Second Lieutenant Kwon mentioned Ki Tae-jeong. He had been so provoked that the space behind his eyes grew hot, and it had been so hard to pretend he was unfazed.

Whether it was once or many times, and even if it was in the past… he hated that Second Lieutenant Kwon was someone who had slept with Ki Tae-jeong. It made him so, so upset that a past partner knew that Ki Tae-jeong was the type to enjoy group sex and prefer using toys, while he, his spouse, did not.

Sehwa knew rationally that there was nothing to be upset about, which made him even more annoyed with himself. He’s not a twenty-one year old kid anymore, so why is he so immature?

Since he started living with Ki Tae-jeong, they had never been this awkward for so long. The fact that he had been recklessly abusing drugs was the cause that exploded his accumulated dissatisfaction. But the nasty feelings pushing Sehwa to the very edge right now was a jealousy whose target was not even clear.

“…It’s hot.”

Perhaps because he had been constantly dwelling on negative thoughts while drinking alcohol and taking detox pills, the heat wouldn’t go away. Sehwa pulled up the bottom of his top and rubbed it roughly over his forehead and face, eventually heaving himself up to take off his pants. Only then did he realize that he had wiped away sweat and taken off his bottoms instead of his top.

“…Hiccup.”

Am I really drunk? As soon as he thought that, a hiccup came up.

“Something to drink… something, to drink….”

Was it because he hiccuped so loudly that his head was ringing? He was thirsty, so he crawled to the bedside table and drank all the remaining alcohol.

Sehwa pressed down on his red, flushed eyes and then flopped face down on the bed. He buried his face deeply in the bedding until his nose was squashed and blinked slowly. The sound of his eyelashes scratching against the blanket and the buzzing vibration gave him a strange comfort.

So this is what it feels like to be severely drunk…. Come to think of it, he had hardly drunk any alcohol since he became a normal person. At most, he would have sipped a few mouthfuls on his wedding anniversary or birthday. Ki Tae-jeong, who was very sensitive about his health issues, didn’t seem to like it, so he naturally avoided it.

“This is ridiculous too… Hiccup, he drinks all the time, but why only me…?”

Even as he drifted in and out of sleep, his thoughts spread out freely like watercolor paint. The final destination was always Ki Tae-jeong.

The man who loved him, and the man he loved.

His legal spouse, with whom he had a wedding ceremony.

The man who was so tall and big that Hae-rim called him Big Daddy.

The bad husband who turned serious when he asked if he wanted a second child and is even avoiding sex….

“I know he smokes… when he’s working….”

Sehwa didn’t know what Ki Tae-jeong did to completely erase the smell of cigarettes before coming home, but he had recently seen an ashtray that wasn’t completely dry when he went to the Air Force headquarters. He also knew, of course, that the adjutants always carried the cigars that Ki Tae-jeong preferred. He was grateful that he didn’t even try to show that he was smoking in front of him, so he pretended not to know, even though he knew everything.

“Damn, he’s doing all the bad things by himself….”

Whether Ki Tae-jeong drank or smoked wasn’t actually that important. There was a reason they were called “personal preference”. He was a man who didn’t have any hobbies other than exercising and working every day, so he wouldn’t stop him if he relieved stress that way. Right now, he was just… saying whatever came to mind because he was angry for no reason.

By the way, Second Lieutenant Kwon… since that person is also a soldier, they must have run into each other several times since then, right? I wonder if he’s slept with other soldiers besides Second Lieutenant Kwon…? This was a meaningless question. IIt was the fastest and easiest way to resolve sexual desire, so of course he would have.