DL Episode 126
by Brie#126
The hole that hadn’t been loosened beforehand was stiff, and the moment he entered, it brought unbearable pain. Before he could even exhale the breath he had sucked in, the shaft pushed in frighteningly fast. The sensation of being forced wide open and tightly filled sent a shiver crawling down Ha-gyeom’s spine.
“Ugh…”
Only then did Baek Sa lift his face and meet his eyes. He shoved himself in all the way to the end and finally answered.
“Ha… You’re asking if you wanted to die?”
Ha-gyeom, his forehead barely touching Baek Sa’s, nodded.
“Leaving you behind?”
Even though his stomach felt like it was about to burst, a tingling sensation crawled through him and curled his toes. He felt like he was about to lose his mind from the slow movement of Baek Sa’s hips, and at the same time, his eyes burned red. It wasn’t just because of the pleasure.
If that were really the case…
His heart felt like it would explode. Ha-gyeom used all his strength to push Baek Sa away. As the man withdrew without resistance, Ha-gyeom shoved him down and climbed onto his stomach, grabbing the veins bulging along his neck.
“How could you do that to me?”
No matter how desensitized Baek Seung-woo had become to many things, he should never forget the person he had saved with his own hands and raised. If he had truly been willing to leave him behind, Ha-gyeom couldn’t bear the thought.
When the answer he desperately waited for didn’t come, Ha-gyeom tightened both hands around Baek Sa’s neck.
“Answer me.”
Baek Sa’s gaze, staring up at him from far below, was distorted with heavy excitement. He let out a long sigh, his brows pulling together, and even with his throat being squeezed, he pressed their lower bodies together again without hesitation.
Feeling the relentless intrusion, Ha-gyeom pried open his clenched teeth and let a moan escape.
“Haah…”
His legs tightened involuntarily despite how frantic he felt inside. When he looked down with a resentful gaze, Baek Sa braced a hand against the sheets and lifted his upper body. Naturally, Ha-gyeom ended up sitting on his thighs and resting his cheek against the man’s firm shoulder.
A breath brushed against his ear. It was enough to drive him insane.
“The person I know… he isn’t like that…”
“How much do you even know about me?”
He couldn’t answer easily. Just as the world he believed in wasn’t everything, Baek Seung-woo was no different. What he saw in District 0 was nothing like the man he thought he knew. A subordinate of some bored, cold-hearted leader. And yet the lingering traces of kindness made it even more confusing.
How much did he really know about him?
How certain could he be now? Ha-gyeom dug through the chaos filling his mind.
“Ugh…”
Even then, his body chased after the pleasure and moved regardless of his thoughts. Baek Sa held one side of his waist still and moved with practiced strokes. His vision flashed white. Ha-gyeom lifted his head at last and pressed his forehead to Baek Sa’s.
“……”
“……”
Tilting his head, Baek Sa answered the gesture, staring at him as if he would pierce through him. Suffocating silence, pleasure gripping his entire body, and unsteady breaths. Even if he wasn’t in his right mind, he had to say it.
“Are you trying to say I know nothing about you?”
“……”
“Hnn… I’ve spent my whole life looking only at you.”
Whether it was true or not, real or false… the Baek Seung-woo he had believed in was still undeniably Baek Seung-woo. Ha-gyeom, unable to hide his eyes reddened with excitement, glared not at what was inside him but at the Baek Seung-woo right in front of him.
The man stared back for a long moment before lowering his gaze and kissing him. His tongue pushed in wetly, sweeping every corner of his mouth. As if to counter the rising excitement, Baek Sa slowed his thrusts, his eyelashes trembling.
Why wouldn’t he just tell him?
The thirst was unbearable, and Ha-gyeom suffered until Baek Sa finally pulled his lips away and spoke.
“If I tell you the truth, it’ll hurt you.”
Ha-gyeom’s eyes shook. Even though it wasn’t a full answer, he clung to Baek Sa’s neck as if begging. His voice was dry, with no intention of pitying himself, but Ha-gyeom knew he couldn’t stay calm after hearing something like that.
‘Ha… You’re asking if you wanted to die?’
Suddenly, the question Baek Sa had thrown earlier echoed through him. It was something he couldn’t bring himself to say aloud again. Ha-gyeom froze, unable to hide the trembling in his eyes.
Watching him, Baek Sa gently stroked down along his chest and said,
“You’d be better off hearing that answer from the Baek Seung-woo you believe in.”
His hand slid lower, from fingertips to the back of his hand, down to his abs. The way he rubbed the prominent pelvis and tense thighs was dizzying.
Following that touch, Baek Sa’s eyes slowly drooped, as if he could close them any moment.
“The Baek Seung-woo Shin Ha-gyeom believes in.”
“…”
“The Baek Seung-woo who isn’t weak.”
The Baek Seung-woo of before would never have thought about wanting to die. To prove it, when he finally lifted his gaze, his eyes were still strong and clear.
And so, Ha-gyeom didn’t want to believe the implication. Staring at the neck reddened from his own fingerprints, he lowered his face and kissed him deeply. A strong pulse throbbed beneath the heated lips. When he drew out his tongue and traced the firm skin, even the burning warmth stung.
It was too hot, too vivid. The idea of him losing his life… he didn’t even want to imagine it.
Had he truly been hurting enough that reaching the point of rampage didn’t matter anymore? Had he genuinely been ready to abandon everything he carried?
Maybe Ha-gyeom already knew the answer. In the five years they were apart, he had seen the horrors of this place himself. It wasn’t hard to guess how deeply it must have tormented a man who had always felt duty-bound to uphold what was right, refusing to overlook injustice or corruption.
Wearing a villain’s mask for years, enduring it alone, was not something anyone could manage. If he had reached a point where he didn’t care what happened to him, then it made sense why he had been so detached even when he sensed his own rampage coming. Why he hadn’t bothered to hide his ruthlessness in front of Ah-rang, like any of the other power holders here.
The Baek Seung-woo Shin Ha-gyeom believed in.
The Baek Seung-woo who wasn’t weak.
Ha-gyeom mulled over the words Baek Sa had said earlier. Only now did he understand why the man kept referring to the unwavering, strong Baek Seung-woo. The old Baek Seung-woo would have tried to overcome rather than give up. If he had truly become weak, the reason had to be the massive rift between the role he was forced to play and the person he truly was.
“The person I believed in…”
But no matter how precious the Baek Seung-woo inside his heart was, he couldn’t win against the one right in front of him. Being told to get an answer from the man he used to know, Ha-gyeom spoke out in defiance.
“That person can’t touch me or hold me like this. We’ve already grown too far apart.”
No matter how precious the past was, he couldn’t cling to it forever. And even if it was true that he wanted to die, if that was his decision, then Ha-gyeom would accept it.
“I don’t want you to be flawless.”
That applied to the things Baek Seung-woo had done in District 0 as well. Even if everyone pointed fingers, Ha-gyeom couldn’t turn away from the man in front of him. No matter the confusion or fear crushing him, the only person he could choose was Baek Seung-woo—there was no one else in the world.
He had been saved by him. His stubborn, foolishly devoted heart had long been carved too deep for anyone to undo.
Ha-gyeom rubbed his wet thumb over Baek Sa’s damp lips. His touch traced tenderly along his jaw as he added,
“But still, when I think you abandoned me, it hurts. I can’t help it. It feels like the fact that I’m alive didn’t give you any strength at all.”
Ha-gyeom endured and lived because he thought of him. He believed they would meet again someday. To prove that his life still had worth when they did, to stand before him without shame, he trained harder and lived more diligently than anyone.
Baek Sa offered no explanation and no excuse.
As Ha-gyeom chewed his lower lip out of anxious frustration, the man’s mouth drew closer. Instead of a verbal answer, a desperate kiss began, and before he knew it, his back hit the sheets.
“Promise me. Even now. Promise you won’t ever abandon me again.”
“I promise.”
This time, he didn’t hesitate. But then, as if needing absolute certainty, he asked firmly,
“Even if I’m not flawless, you won’t mind?”
Baek Sa’s eyes trembled as he waited for an answer. Ha-gyeom reached out, grasped his chin, and pulled him back when his gaze started to drift away.
“I told you. I don’t want you to be flawless.”
Of course, accepting a version of him that went against everything he used to believe wasn’t easy. Knowing how Ah-rang had suffered under his coldness made Ha-gyeom feel not entirely righteous for choosing to stay at his side. Sometimes the fear made his heart drop, and guilt made even breathing feel heavy.
But.
“If I hadn’t been flawless, would you still have saved me?”
Baek Seung-woo immediately shook his head. Then he pressed their cheeks together and whispered,
“No. I would have saved you. Things like that aren’t decided with your head.”