DL Episode 76

#76

Ha-gyeom lay half-buried in the coarse sheets, his breathing shallow and labored. Across the room, Baek Sa stripped off his jacket and shirt in silence, heading straight for the bathroom.

Scalding water poured over his already heated body, making the burning sensation almost unbearable. Baek Sa ran a hand over the back of his neck, releasing a long sigh. He had lived like this for five years—immersed in endless darkness, devoid of sensation or pain, dulled to the core. Yet now, his heart raced so violently that his vision blurred.

Despite knowing better, he had let his emotions get the better of him, lashing out recklessly at Ha-gyeom. He knew exactly how betrayed Ha-gyeom must feel. What could another Esper possibly mean to him, after all?

It wasn’t like him to falter over a misstep, no matter how grave. He had always managed to regain control and suppress confusion. Yet….

When Ha-gyeom lost consciousness on the rooftop, and Baek Sa brought him back to the 0 District, the hardest part hadn’t been fending off Park Ha and Yeo Jin-joo’s probing questions or worrying about the issues that would arise here.

‘…He’s bound to hate me for this. He’ll resent me, maybe even despise me.’

What had shattered Baek Sa’s calm was Ha-gyeom’s resolve to defy him, carried out to the bitter end.

Ha-gyeom hadn’t regained consciousness until they boarded the ship returning to Incheon Port. The first thing he did upon waking in their shared quarters was push Baek Sa away. Despite his weakened state, Ha-gyeom had resisted fiercely until Dr. Cha took over. Then, his resistance turned deliberate—he stopped eating, openly sought other Espers, and even listed names he usually avoided mentioning.

Baek Sa’s eyes, heavy with exhaustion, flickered open in the dim light. He pushed his damp hair back, standing under the shower for minutes on end, letting the water wash away any lingering contamination that might hinder Ha-gyeom’s recovery.

“….”

Unable to calm himself, he turned the faucet to cold, enduring the icy stream as he held out his hands. As the rooftop winds and the memory of holding Ha-gyeom flashed through his mind, his chest turned cold.

He had nearly lost him. The image of Ha-gyeom’s tearful, screaming face, the feel of his slender neck trembling in his hands—it wouldn’t leave him. Those innocent, clear eyes now burned with explosive resentment. His voice, tinged with lingering youth, had been unmistakably raw with anger.

It was pointless to dwell on the past, but the truth remained: Baek Sa wasn’t the only one shaken by their reunion. Yet he couldn’t express any of this to Ha-gyeom. The emotions were foreign even to himself, and he crushed them down with a ruthless efficiency.

There was no use in trying to explain. It would change nothing.

When Baek Sa finally emerged from the bathroom, he was noticeably calmer. Dressed in clean clothes, he grabbed the ice pack Tae-seong had prepared and approached the bed. Ha-gyeom lay there, eyes half-lidded, his breathing thin and strained.

“Your fever.”

As Baek Sa placed a hand on Ha-gyeom’s forehead, his shoulders flinched. Unsurprisingly, his entire body radiated heat. Baek Sa noticed the fear in his eyes and quietly climbed into the bed beside him.

The closer he got, the more erratic Ha-gyeom’s heartbeat became, like a wild drumbeat against his chest. It was such an obvious reaction that Baek Sa found himself oddly reassured. If Ha-gyeom knew this, what expression would he make?

“Come here. Over here.”

Leaning back against the headboard, Baek Sa spread his legs and tugged gently at Ha-gyeom’s arm. Despite trembling all over, Ha-gyeom instinctively pushed his hand away.

“…No,” Ha-gyeom whispered, unable to meet his gaze.

The refusal tightened something in Baek Sa’s chest, but his voice remained calm. “If you want to survive here, you’ll have to learn to obey.”

Ha-gyeom’s wandering eyes slowly shifted to Baek Sa. They trembled so pitifully that it was almost unbearable to watch.

When Ha-gyeom continued to resist, Baek Sa didn’t wait any longer. He pulled Ha-gyeom into his arms, pressing his fevered cheek against the cool skin of his neck. Ha-gyeom let out a soft sigh, as if the cold offered some relief.

Baek Sa reached for Ha-gyeom’s damp, clinging shirt and pulled it off, unfastening the belt that bound his wrist. Despite this gesture, the tension in Ha-gyeom’s body didn’t dissipate.

“….”

Without saying a word, Baek Sa took the melting ice pack and ran it over Ha-gyeom’s back. The touch sent a shiver through Ha-gyeom’s body, and he let out a faint groan.

“Ah….”

The sound was weak, but it pierced the silence like an echo of their shared pain.

As the ice pack glided from Ha-gyeom’s protruding shoulder blades to his lower back, his cheek pressed against Baek Sa’s neck grew hotter by contrast. Baek Sa noticed the subtle change but said nothing, focusing instead on cooling the fevered body in his arms.

Before long, the uncertain hands that had been hovering awkwardly near Ha-gyeom’s sides tentatively wrapped around Baek Sa’s waist. It was a natural reaction; the best way to quench Ha-gyeom’s thirst for energy was through close contact with an Esper he was highly compatible with. Whatever emotions accompanied this touch likely held no bearing on Ha-gyeom’s condition.

With each pained blink, Ha-gyeom’s long lashes brushed faintly against his skin. Baek Sa recognized the sound of Ha-gyeom’s labored breaths, how eerily familiar they were to certain moments he refused to dwell on. And yet, in this instance, it wasn’t desire that filled Baek Sa, but relief.

The original plan to send Ha-gyeom back to the Center had failed. Keeping him close had stopped his self-destructive tendencies, but in doing so, Baek Sa had trapped him in the heart of this perilous territory. His nerves remained on edge.

“Next time, we’ll only deploy S-ranks.”

The echo of Dr. Kim’s words made Baek Sa’s blood run cold. There were limits to what he could protect in this place. It wasn’t a place where anyone could be perfectly safe—least of all an S-rank guide like Ha-gyeom.

He should have sent him back, no matter the cost.

Every time he recalled holding Ha-gyeom’s blood-soaked body on the rooftop, the overwhelming desperation that had surged within him made him loathe himself. It wasn’t just Ha-gyeom who hadn’t wanted to let go—Baek Sa himself had clung to Ha-gyeom’s crumbling form as if letting him go would shatter something irreparable within him.

Ha-gyeom’s youthful, untainted eyes, the boyish expression that had brought back memories he thought he’d forgotten—memories of justice, dedication, and kindness that had once defined him.

He had once been a light that pulled a despairing child from the shadows.

Lost in his thoughts, Baek Sa was startled when Ha-gyeom’s voice broke the silence.

“You don’t trust me… I get that,” Ha-gyeom said, his voice faint and shaky.

“….”

“I couldn’t handle energy properly. I wasn’t an exceptional trainee… I must’ve seemed unreliable. I understand all of that….”

Baek Sa cupped Ha-gyeom’s damp hair and nape in his hand, brushing his sweat-soaked skin gently. Tossing aside the now-melted ice pack, he wrapped his other arm tightly around Ha-gyeom’s waist. He waited quietly, expecting more words, thinking back to the short time they had spent together here.

“But… wasn’t I special to you?”

“….”

“Was it just me who thought that way?”

Baek Sa’s heart sank. Where could he begin? How could he explain? Yet one belief stood firm in his mind: his bond with Ha-gyeom would undoubtedly bring him harm.

To have something precious is to have a weakness, and in this place, both the person holding that weakness and the object of their affection became vulnerabilities.

For once, Baek Sa didn’t hide behind a facade. He answered without hesitation.

“You are special.”

At those words, Ha-gyeom slowly sat up, his movements deliberate.

“Then why…?”

Baek Sa’s gaze locked onto Ha-gyeom’s. His dark eyes were filled with unanswered questions, mirroring Baek Sa’s own. Ha-gyeom’s voice, so innocent and sincere, carried an edge of accusation Baek Sa couldn’t ignore.

Why did you lie?
Why did you touch me so casually?

Baek Sa could sense the unspoken demands for answers but offered none. Instead, his eyes traveled downward, leaving Ha-gyeom’s gaze.

The fine features of his face, his delicate jawline and prominent Adam’s apple, the sharp collarbones that spoke of his inner turmoil, the lean chest and smooth stomach—all these details stood out painfully clear to Baek Sa.

Ha-gyeom’s height had grown, his body honed yet effortlessly graceful, exuding a magnetism that would make him the object of desire for anyone. It was overwhelming, almost unbearable.