M 103

A heavy silence fell for a moment.

“…Death.” Ki Tae-jeong repeated what he had just heard in a monotone voice.

“…I’m sorry.”

Through countless battles, taking medication and receiving various treatments had become routine. And regardless of what medicine was taken or what measures were taken, there was always a warning at the end to assume the worst.

But Ki Tae-jeong had never once taken those words to heart. He had become accustomed to the assumption that he would recover quickly without any particular problems.

His subordinates were the same. When they returned from the front lines battered and bruised, they would suggest various treatments, but no one worried about him. With the firm belief that nothing could go wrong with this man, treatment procedures were quietly completed without much fuss. So for Ki Tae-jeong, the process of informing about side effects was merely a formality.

But now Lieutenant Na’s words carried a different weight than what he had heard before. He felt a pressure that made his own shoulders sag. Lieutenant Na was truly preparing for Lee Sehwa’s death.

“Mr. Lee is not a robot. We can’t tell his body to accept this and reject that, there’s no input device. So I thought there must be some criteria for filtering drugs within his body, and I wanted to find that… Until the surgery is scheduled for the fifth month.”

“…”

“The hastily formed hypothesis, though it’s embarrassing to even call it a hypothesis given how inadequate it is, is that Mr. Lee’s body might have judged the baby as harmful.”

The suddenly formed uterus was unreasonably weak, and his nutritional state was a mess as he couldn’t eat properly. Not to mention the effects of the extreme stress he must have been under constantly. Yet the fetus nestled in his womb was remarkably healthy. Even as Lee Sehwa himself was dying.

“Given his constitution that seems to defend his internal system more strongly than others, it seems that as soon as his bodily functions declined, it judged the fetus as an enemy and tried to push it out somehow.”

“…”

“There are too many other variables as well. If Mr. Lee had even once breathed the air of 2-Hwan while wearing a patch, no… just removing the gas mask itself might have had a negative impact. When manufacturing drugs, he might have only tasted a very small amount briefly, but this time he inhaled harmful substances with every breath, and for quite a long time.”

“So… you’re saying the filter in Lee Sehwa’s body is overloaded.”

“That’s how I see it. I think that after taking the anesthetic and removing the baby through surgery, it recognized that the risk factor was gone. With the continued bleeding, Lee Sehwa’s internal filter, as you put it, judged that a positive result would be produced.”

It seems that as the unfiltered toxins began to accumulate in every corner, his body, unable to endure anymore, began to respond by shedding all its blood. Lieutenant Na bowed his head, apologizing for only having uncertain hypotheses.

Ki Tae-jeong was equally incapable of calm reasoning. He had no room to consider or measure plausibility.

Apart from the specifics of Sehwa’s constitution, Ki Tae-jeong knew well what miracles the human subconscious and will could create.

He didn’t even need to go as far as the glorious military exploits achieved single-handedly. In a battle long ago, there was a soldier who was so severely injured that it wouldn’t have been strange if he died on the spot. They had even prepared a large national flag to wrap his body in the return vehicle, but he didn’t die. He held on until the very end, only closing his eyes after his lover’s hand, who had come to meet him, touched his body, as if he had completed his mission.

According to rumors that spread later, he spoke to his lover with a fading voice, saying he was sorry and that he loved him. He wanted to say those words before closing his eyes because he felt guilty about the big fight they had before he left. That determination to let his loved one hear his last heartfelt words kept an ordinary soldier hanging on at the crossroads of life and death for a long time.

So he thought the opposite case was entirely possible too.

Lee Sehwa truly became sick of being by his side. Perhaps he thought he had no reason to live and didn’t care whether he died or not? If, as Lieutenant Na said, Sehwa’s body had given up on further defense and his mind had let go according to his will…

“Is there no other way?”

“…I’m sorry. Without this surgery… we can only pray for the bleeding to miraculously stop.”

Either proceed with the surgery taking on considerable risk, or do nothing and watch Lee Sehwa die… There were only these two choices.

Ki Tae-jeong pressed his palm to his forehead. His hand, slowly sliding down, lingered for a moment at his eyes, and its end seemed to tremble slightly. His prominently protruding Adam’s apple moved slowly several times, as if trying to endure something.

Eventually, the large hand covering his eyes quickly swept over his nose, mouth, and chin. Although he tried to erase his expression, the heavily stained emotions refused to fade.

Reading unspoken permission in Ki Tae-jeong’s actions, Lieutenant Na quickly pressed the call button. It seemed the internal discussion had already ended, as the person in charge rushed over with a tablet, as if they had been waiting.

“You can sign here.”

His pitch-black gaze lingered near Lee Sehwa’s name. The hand holding the pen stung as if grasping a thorny bush. Ki Tae-jeong closed his eyes deeply, then opened them and wrote his name in the guardian’s signature box.

“Then we’ll prepare right away.”

Lieutenant Na disappeared again beyond the automatic door. The sounds of spraying disinfectant, changing clothes, various alarms, and shouts giving instructions bustled noisily.

“Excuse me, Brigadier General. I’m sorry, but you also need to check the status of the incubator.”

Ki Tae-jeong exhaled a long breath, feeling his heart constrict. He was about to snap, asking what was so important about that right now, but he closed his mouth, remembering Sehwa who had been struggling all this time to protect ‘that’ from him.

He thought that if it were him, he would probably ask about the baby first thing when he opened his eyes. No, he definitely would.

If he could answer that the baby was safe, healthy without lacking anything… Maybe that face that always froze up stiffly whenever he saw him since he brought him back would relax a little.

“Where is it, the baby?”

“It’s in the incubator protection room, not far from here. It’s the highest grade protection room, capable of caring for up to three units inside. Currently, as there are no reservations other than your child’s incubator, we should be able to provide even more attentive care.”

The person in charge briefly explained what kind of care the baby would receive in the protection room, and what growth process it would go through in the incubator. Naturally, none of it registered in his ears.

If Lee Sehwa were here, he would have been wide-eyed, asking this and that. He would have sought reassurance multiple times, asking if it really was okay to take the baby out this early, and headed to the protection room with his fingers fidgeting nervously.

“Would you please wait a moment?”

The protective room had a large glass window that allowed a clear view inside. Although the walls were the same white color, somehow the saturation seemed different from the outside, making the inside feel cozy, as if it wasn’t part of the hospital.

“The guardian of Lee Sehwa, Brigadier General Ki Tae-jeong, has arrived.”

The sound from inside the protective room flowed through the speakers installed outside. The nurses gathered in the center dispersed, and one of them approached pushing a wagon with an incubator.

“Although it’s a bit earlier than expected, the baby’s condition is very stable. It’s a healthy son.”

The numbers and graphs on the cream-colored incubator surface were peaceful. Even the heartbeat that Sehwa had been so worried about was incredibly calm.

“As there were no special requests, we’ve only activated the basic program for now.”

While tracing the small graph gently undulating as if humming a tune with his eyes, Ki Tae-jeong recalled the day when he and Sehwa first heard the baby’s heartbeat together.

He remembered Sehwa’s profile as he stared at the ultrasound screen in disbelief, his eyes sparkling with wonder, unable to hide his amazement, and how he paced back and forth with worry, asking if it was okay for the heart to beat so fast.

“As this is a top-of-the-line incubator, the basic program alone is sufficient for the developmental process, but if you want other options, you can add them at any time. Please note that the sooner you apply them, the better the effect.”

In the center of the incubator floated a hologram. It was the image of the newborn from the growth prediction screen that had left him speechless, an exact copy of Sehwa.

Ki Tae-jeong unconsciously placed his hand on the glass. The hologram exactly replicates the actual movements of the baby inside the incubator. So right now, the baby is sleeping in that position inside.

Of course, being only 4 months old, it’s just curled up like a fetus in an environment similar to amniotic fluid… but strangely, his eyes kept being drawn to that image.

“…You sleep the same way.”

Sehwa also curled up like a small animal when he slept. Then Ki Tae-jeong would bury his nose and lips in the nape of his exposed neck, savoring the unique sweet scent of his skin for a long time, and then close his eyes, pressing his body against him as if they had always been a pair.

“Ah…”

Ki Tae-jeong’s throat stung, making it difficult to even swallow properly.

If Sehwa… if he never opens his eyes like this.

If his last memory of life is only that he deceived him several times.

If everything ended with him misunderstanding that he had planned to take useless videos from the beginning….

Ki Tae-jeong leaned his forehead against the glass window. A little hard, enough to make a thud sound.

‘…What should I do now? What can I do to… turn things back?’

At first, he had planned to put Sehwa on the witness stand. Then he changed his mind to replace him with something like a hologram containing his testimony, and now he didn’t even want that. He wouldn’t expose Sehwa to a place where it was obvious he would be torn apart by hyena-like people.

There was no need to explain the natural change in emotions. Sehwa had always interpreted and willingly accepted them… Ki Tae-jeong had been somewhat lax and arrogant in his relationship with him.

So now that Sehwa was gone, he couldn’t get his bearings at all. He was just wandering like a buoy on a dark sea.

“Do you have a name picked out? A prenatal name is fine too.”

At the nurse’s words saying she would enter it if he told her, Ki Tae-jeong couldn’t say anything. The baby has a cute and lovely prenatal name, “Saessak” (sprout). But that was a name he wasn’t allowed to use. No, it was a name he shouldn’t even reveal that he knew.

His fingertips pressing against the glass wall turned white with the force. The baby in the incubator, oblivious to everything, yawned slightly. Seeing that innocence, a painful resonance starting from around his heart spread throughout his body in a large ripple. Ki Tae-jeong’s hand, which had been holding on all along, slid down in a crooked trajectory.

***

Sehwa had not regained consciousness for days.

The surgery continued for quite a long time. After pouring in several doses of A7, they were fortunately able to stop the bleeding, and there were no notable abnormal signs afterward. Inflammation levels, heart response, breathing… everything else was stable. It was just that the person himself was not opening his eyes as if dead.

Ki Tae-jeong was staying in the waiting room directly opposite the ICU. Befitting a 5-Star hospital boasting the best facilities, even the space prepared for guardians was luxurious. Almost to the point of feeling guilty towards the patients struggling inside.

He moderately ate the meals brought by his aides or the staff, washed up when it was time… and then continued to work without sleeping. He reviewed agendas, signed mechanically… and in the meantime, he tried to find time to look over the side effects of A7. Then when he suddenly looked at the clock, strangely, not much time had passed, but the date had abruptly changed.

It might feel that way because he hadn’t slept properly since Sehwa collapsed. When his eyelids felt heavy and burning, he would close his eyes briefly while sitting, but even that didn’t last long.

In the dream he created, Sehwa was caressing his slightly swollen belly. Various flowers were growing haphazardly in the yard of the once desolate official residence, and he was basking in the sun wearing the shoes he had bought him. At his feet, a small seedling of unknown type swayed in the gentle breeze.

Ki Tae-jeong just stared blankly at Sehwa like that. It was a lovely sight that he felt he would never forget, even knowing it was an illusion.

He already missed that miraculous moment he had never experienced, to the point of being unbearable. If nothing had happened, if he hadn’t broken Sehwa down like this, at least, it felt like this scene could have been his….

‘Can I caress your stomach too? Is it okay if I call the baby… Saessak?’ 

When he tried to open his mouth, unable to bear the emotions boiling inside after holding back, he invariably woke up from the dream. As if he would never have such an opportunity, even in imagination, his eyes always opened at this point, as if cold water had been poured over him.

“…Ah.”

Ki Tae-jeong blinked blankly. He was still alone, keeping his place in the large waiting room that looked like a hotel suite, and there was no news from Sehwa today either.

Slowly collapsing his upright upper body, Ki Tae-jeong repeatedly rubbed his dry face. Throughout signing dozens of agendas, the moment when he had written his name on Sehwa’s additional surgery consent form kept overlapping.

Lieutenant Na’s voice telling him to consider death, Sehwa’s voice begging that he didn’t want sex and would use his hands or mouth instead… his once affectionate voice calling him “Brigadier General”… all these tangled together and wouldn’t leave his ears.