M 105

Sehwa grimaced slightly, tilting one shoulder like someone who had bitten into something sour. The expression ‘did wrong’ seemed a little awkward to him. After a moment,

“Ah…”

He furrowed his brow slightly, as if recalling something. “What you just said…”

Though it carried a completely different emotion from before, the repeated phrase seemed to trigger something.

“Does it remind you of anything?”

Ki Tae-jeong, who was about to approach Sehwa, flinched for a moment and stepped back, clenching his fist. He’s doing it again. Despite worrying that his words and actions might unconsciously trigger Sehwa, his eagerness made him act rashly.

“…If anything feels uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to say so. You’ve had major surgery.”

“Surgery?”

A confused Sehwa felt around his body. Unable to remember anything immediately, he tugged at the loose sleeves of his patient gown in frustration and examined the hospital name.

“…Oh.”

“What is it?”

“Looking at this suddenly reminded me that there was something I shouldn’t forget.”

Sehwa’s face looked somewhat numb as he mentioned that only the sensation of something important, something he absolutely shouldn’t forget, remained.

“It feels like they’re spraying white paint here to make me forget everything… And on the other side, it’s like they’re trying to forcibly show me things, asking how I could forget everything…”

Sehwa alternately pressed his index finger to both temples. Then, dropping his hand, he muttered dejectedly, “What was it…”

His gaze dropped heavily to his feet. Ki Tae-jeong hesitated for a moment, then chose the most sympathetic tone he could muster.

“Just rest for now. You were in a lot of pain even before the surgery.”

“Ah, yes.”

However, the response was disappointingly brief.

Ki Tae-jeong realized from this unfamiliar attitude that Sehwa had truly forgotten him. Normally, he would have blushed and been moved. Moreover, from the beginning until now, Lee Sehwa had never answered so briefly while in his grasp. It wasn’t simply the short answer that surprised him. He clearly felt that in his mind, he was classified as a stranger not worth giving a thoughtful response to.

Even when he tried to hide his true feelings, he could read him so clearly that he wondered how he had reached that point… It was an illusion. Everything was visible because Lee Sehwa had allowed it. At first out of fear, and later because he had given him his whole heart.

“Lee Sehwa.”

“…Yes?”

“You’re not twenty, you’re twenty-one…” Ki Tae-jeong added, as if in a trance. In his calm and indifferent eyes, he saw himself standing like a stranger.

“You’ve been in a lot of pain because of me. I… deceived and used you.”

“…”

“…I had several chances to tell the truth, but…”

‘Because I liked that you liked me. Because I liked you too. I lied because I was afraid your eyes, which looked at me in rapture, would change.’

However, Ki Tae-jeong swallowed the words that were about to follow and looked away. What use would such words be now? The person who should hear this excuse is not the one in front of him, but the Lee Sehwa who let go of him just before collapsing.

“It’s… a bit strange. Everyone has deceived and used me, but you’re the first to apologize for it.” Sehwa fiddled with his sleeve, as if unsure how to react.

“…This is the first time I’m saying this to you. Before, I intended to hide it until the end. I thought that would be easier.”

“Well… at least you’re telling me now.”

The hand behind his back twitched noticeably. Even though he knew it was pointless to hear an “it’s okay” from the current Sehwa, Ki Tae-jeong felt a sudden relief, as if he had grasped a lifeline.

“Then… is this how we start?”

“I… guess so?”

‘If I keep apologizing by your side, saying I’m sorry, I was sorry. If I keep saying that until your heart melts. Can we go back to how we were before then? Shopping together, worrying about how to raise our child, falling asleep holding each other tightly. Back to that time.’

“Um… I’m sorry, but I’m suddenly feeling a bit sleepy.”

“Oh, uh… rest then.”

Sehwa lay down on the bed, continuously rubbing his forehead as if bewildered by the sudden wave of drowsiness. It was more like he collapsed from running out of power than falling asleep.

Ki Tae-jeong hesitated several times before finally reaching out. He tucked him in properly and checked the IV bag.

It would be a problem whether Sehwa’s memories returned or not. Of course, even if Sehwa regained his senses tomorrow, he wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes as before. He wanted to give him at least one day of a different beginning.

But in the end, that’s just self-satisfaction, being kind belatedly to someone who nearly died. If Sehwa, with his memories restored, sees this moment as an even greater deception… How should he handle it then?

Sitting on a stool next to the bed, staring at Sehwa’s thin back, Ki Tae-jeong leaned over and buried his face in the sheets.

‘Fuck, I have no idea.’

When Lee Sehwa ran away, even hurting himself, he only thought about catching and tying him up somehow. But in the end, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t fasten the leash he had hung on the bed, nor could he remove it.

Then when Lee Sehwa fainted after hearing about the misunderstanding… or rather, something that couldn’t be called a complete misunderstanding, and when he heard he might die because of it, he truly lost his mind.

He didn’t want to lose Sehwa like this. He vowed that if he woke up safely, he wouldn’t hurt him like this again, at least.

He wanted to do something for him… but he struggled to find the words and actions to fill that “something.” He had never learned such strategies anywhere. He had never been taught.

Ki Tae-jeong quietly closed his eyes. He felt like a giant in an ancient myth, burdened with an endless punishment.

Fortunately or unfortunately, the test results showed nothing abnormal. The brain and the surgical site were all fine. With no damage or bleeding, there was nothing to do but hope for improvement in his condition.

Sehwa kept dozing off. And every time he closed and opened his eyes, he suffered from unfamiliar memories that came flooding in. When he first regained consciousness, he thought it was the first month of being twenty years old. A few days ago, he muttered that spring was hard to pay for, and then suddenly recited things to do when summer comes. To put it simply, he said it felt like there was a calendar in his head, and someone who didn’t know about it was randomly tearing pages out.

Yesterday, he was curled up in bed writing something intently. When Ki Tae-jeong peeked, he was writing down all the drug manufacturing methods that came to mind in scrawled handwriting. He said he still had to work much longer to pay off the remaining debt, and it would be a big problem if he forgot even this.

Without any resentment towards him, and having erased even the child he cherished, he only knew himself as Samwol(March) of the House. As if there was no other value to himself, he only tried to recall things related to drugs.

And in that context, Ki Tae-jeong was now certain that Sehwa’s memories of even his twenties were not intact. He knew he was the manager of the House, a hwatu dealer, and mainly in charge of drug distribution, but he couldn’t recall anything beyond that. For example, things related to Kim Seok-cheol.

He seemed to have completely forgotten about dealing with Lieutenant Kim at that time, not even mentioning it. Even when he tried to bring up related topics unconsciously, he would soon be at a loss for words and just tilt his head in confusion.

“You’re here.”

As Ki Tae-jeong entered the hospital room, Sehwa greeted him with a face that looked more tired than in the morning.

“…Oh, I’m back.” Ki Tae-jeong nodded slowly. 

If there was one thing that had changed most significantly since Sehwa lost his memory, it would be these exchanges of greetings.

A few days ago, when something that couldn’t be resolved inside the hospital room occurred and Ki Tae-jeong was preparing to step out briefly, Sehwa said in a casual voice to have a good trip. Ki Tae-jeong, who had frozen as if struck by lightning at those words, awkwardly replied that he would be back.

These trivial and ordinary greetings gradually grew in size thereafter. The next day, Sehwa casually asked what business he had, and he explained that there were documents to be approved at the government building.

Come to think of it, Sehwa never asked anything. He was usually sprawled out in the morning, exhausted from their late-night lovemaking, and Ki Tae-jeong would leave him be and go about his business. If there was urgent work, he would be absent for days without saying much.

Whether at the House or the official residence, he had never… thought of giving Sehwa even a simple heads up. Even though he knew Sehwa had nothing else to do but wait for him, no, honestly, he was enjoying seeing that face that obediently looked only at him.

Ki Tae-jeong wondered if perhaps Sehwa had set fire to his own mind to make him realize this. That what he wanted from him wasn’t a mountain of expensive luxuries, but just these little things, just one honest word….

“Are you not feeling well?”

When Ki Tae-jeong carefully asked, seeing him looking particularly weak, Sehwa just blinked blankly.

“…I’m not sure.”

Weariness seeped from his downcast profile. Even at this moment, Sehwa was fiercely fighting with himself.

“I’m glad I bought this.”

When he brought out the gift he had been hiding behind his back, Sehwa looked puzzled.

“It’s something you used to like.”

Seeing the small cake box decorated with light blue and pink clouds, a faint spark lit up in his eyes.

Actually, Ki Tae-jeong wanted to give a more impressive gift. But no matter how much he thought about it, the only things Sehwa had been happy with were cakes or pieces of fruit. A check card loaded with a large sum, expensive clothes, jewelry… no matter what he gave him, there was no excitement. Or rather, he would just cry, overwhelmed.

“Wow…”

Sure enough, Sehwa let out a small exclamation upon seeing the cherry cake smeared with light pink cream.

“Thank you.”

Ki Tae-jeong took out a fork for him, but Sehwa just stared at it for a long time as if it was too precious to eat. Then, as if something had occurred to him, he suddenly turned to look at Ki Tae-jeong.

“Do you need anything else?”

“Ah, it’s not that…”

“Speak freely. Anything.”

“Umm…. You probably wouldn’t know anyway, Brigadier General…”

“What is it?”

“By any chance, did a player called Saessak join in the past year? At the House.”

Ki Tae-jeong froze for a moment as he was about to sit on the stool. Saessak. At that name that poured out like an assault, his jaw muscles stiffened rigidly, and he couldn’t open his mouth at all.

“For some reason, only that sentence is floating around in my head. I want to give this to Saessak.”

“…”

“Since the only people I know are the House players or customers… and we don’t usually name players something like Saessak, it seems a bit strange.”

“…Oh, really?”

“I guess so. If a player had a nickname like that, they wouldn’t get any business at all.”

Such a nickname. Ki Tae-jeong felt as if he had been severely hit by Sehwa’s voice coldly evaluating the name Saessak.

“So I feel like I shouldn’t eat it.” Sehwa just kept poking the cream decoration with his fork. 

“Did… Saessak want to eat this?”

“I’m not sure? I can’t remember who that person is, let alone such details. It’s just…”

“…”

“Ah, to be more precise… um, I wanted to let them know. Yes… that’s how it feels.”

“…”

“I want Saessak to experience what this tastes like too. …That’s the feeling that’s strongly coming to me right now.”

Anyway, it sounds like he craved this when he was pregnant…. Was it cherry-flavored cake rather than actual cherries that he wanted? But why didn’t he say anything? Ki Tae-jeong had no idea because he only ate fresh fruit without complaint.

Ki Tae-jeong could understand it for the time when Sehwa fled to the 2-Hwan, but before that… He thought they had become quite close after they kissed in the solarium inside the government building. He thought he was also showing Sehwa his changed feelings for him without holding back.

“…You really had no expectations of me at all.”

“Pardon?”

It’s not like he was asking Ki Tae-jeong to slice a person for him, what’s so difficult about buying some food, and even if he wanted someone sliced, Ki Tae-jeong told him to just say it. Did he think Ki Tae-jeong wouldn’t go to that much trouble for him? Even when he was smiling most brightly by his side?

“Brigadier General?”

Unable to bear it, Ki Tae-jeong tightly grasped Sehwa’s hand. As if the only breath of life was there, he lowered his broad shoulders and carefully rested his forehead against it.

“I just checked again earlier.”

“…”

“It definitely wasn’t heterochromia.”

“…What do you mean?”

How many more hidden stories of him that Ki Tae-jeong doesn’t know, that he’ve missed, are there still left? Will he ever get the chance to know them all?

“Brigadier General?”

‘Lee Sehwa. I’m sorry.’

Ki Tae-jeong tried the unfamiliar sentence on his tongue several times. He practiced the impossible confession over and over, cowardly relying on the twenty-year-old Lee Sehwa who had told him to just keep trying, saying it was fine even if he said it now. This is how it’s done, right? From now on too.

“…I’ll tell you many times from now on. Until you’re okay, I’ll keep saying it.”

So come back now.

Come back and listen.

Don’t let that horrible moment be your last memory.

***

“He gave birth to the child? Isn’t that earlier than expected?”

Colonel Kim stroked his pointed philtrum with his thumb and index finger while scanning the hologram that appeared on the monitor.

“So that’s why Oh Seon-ran is moving busily? Because the legal guardian has disappeared?”

“Yes. The adoption has been confirmed, and now they’re in the process of changing the residence.”

“What? Change the residence? To where?”

“I believe they’re trying to incorporate into the 5-star area.”

Hmph, a scoff escaped involuntarily out of disbelief. They should propose to reorganize the district zones again after this matter is wrapped up. It’s none of their business if they want to live among themselves outside the walls, but they can’t let some lowborn set foot on 5-star land.

“Anyway, that’s good. Submit the witness summons. Now that he’s given birth, he has no excuse to refuse, right?”

“That’s true, but… considering both Ki Tae-jeong and Major General Oh Seon-ran, I wonder if they’ll comply so easily-“

“It was that bastard Ki Tae-jeong acting all high and mighty that was the headache. If Oh Seon-ran steps up as Lee Sehwa’s shield, it actually makes things easier.”

Colonel Kim waved his hand to dismiss the hologram and sank deep into his chair backrest. His long legs propped up on the desk swung cheerfully.

“How do you think our head of state would feel about a general-grade officer like Oh Seon-ran preventing someone from appearing in court just because they claim it’s their own flesh and blood?”

“Ah… He might take it as a challenge to his authority.”

“That’s right, exactly.”

The old dictator had a pathological fit whenever a high-ranking official showed even slightly subversive signs. The reason he allowed Oh Seon-ran to stay abroad was because of an under-the-table promise to prevent collusion among officers. The fact that Oh Seon-ran had refused marriage and had no children would have also been viewed positively. There would be no need to form connections with others, pushing and pulling favors.

But now that Oh Seon-ran has suddenly brought in some mongrel as an adopted child and is acting like he’d give his liver and gall for them. Moreover, rumors say that the lowborn’s parents were involved in the chemical experiment from 20 years ago.

That experiment was a failure the ruler wanted to erase and a disgrace everyone hushed up. Would he look favorably upon bringing in someone related to that as a successor and wielding power as a shield? Colonel Kim was willing to bet a large sum that Oh Seon-ran would end up losing his military uniform.

“It would be strange not to ruffle the old man’s feathers. Anyway, from now on, shift the focus there. Even the lieutenant is facing a court-martial after being reported, so it’s nonsense for a civilian to refuse to appear as a witness just because they’re the adopted child of a major general.”

“Yes, understood.”

Colonel Kim nodded his oily face and smiled broadly. It’s just a trial in name anyway. If they play their cards right, they might be able to use that lower-class person to not only deal with Ki Tae-jeong but also break Oh Seon-ran’s influence. If they manipulate public opinion, it’s not difficult to turn it from a place to hear Lee Sehwa’s testimony into a place to interrogate him.

“I didn’t expect things to go this way, but it will serve as a good example anyway.”

The saying ‘blessing in disguise’ exists for a reason. They should use this opportunity to get rid of the troublemakers and clearly show that things won’t end well for those who rebel against their family.

“It would be best to frame Lee Sehwa as the real culprit, but if the atmosphere doesn’t allow for it, let’s at least frame him as an accomplice. That much should be feasible, right?”

“That’s right. That much shouldn’t be a problem at all.”

“Good. It might be difficult to get a death sentence, but we just need to somehow get him locked up.”

Well… it’s quite common for inmates to die in unexpected accidents in prison, after all.