M 113

“It doesn’t seem like you’re just doing this because you want to give your surname.”

“…”

“Lee Sehwa.”

Somehow the atmosphere felt ominous, so he was bracing himself, wondering how he would cut into him this time. But surprisingly, Ki Tae-jeong’s voice calling his name carried a hint of hurt feelings.

He was a bit shocked that he could feel this kind of emotion, let alone express it. He had never thought he was capable of such a thing.

“You keep your mouth shut in front of me no matter what I bring you or what I say, but it’s easy for you to say not to use my surname? And in front of others?”

Even though he pretended to only look at the incubator with his eyes lowered, he could clearly read the movements of the flustered nurses. Especially the person who was modifying the information was hesitating to press the final confirmation button, just looking outside nervously.

“Whether the child gets the Ki surname or the Lee surname doesn’t matter. But….”

Ki Tae-jeong, finally noticing where Sehwa’s gaze was going, stopped mid-sentence and hit the wall hard somewhere. With a dull cracking sound, the glass wall became milky white. Did he press some kind of barrier button? Anyway, because of that, only silhouettes of people could be barely seen through the window, and no sound could be heard.

It seems the situation was the same on the other side. The nurses made big gestures, waving their hands as if pushing them away. It looked like a signal to not worry and talk comfortably between the two of them.

“It seems you’re insisting on using your surname just because you don’t want any trace of me on the child.”

“…”

“I’m asking you. You spoke just fine to the nurse, so why won’t you open your mouth in front of me? Huh?”

The man, who had somehow managed not to swear, grabbed Sehwa’s shoulders. He didn’t forcefully turn his body, just placed his hands on him, but his weak body easily turned towards him. He thought even a worthless blade of grass that bends with the wind might be stronger than this.

“Why…, is it, important? This… story….”

“What? You call that talking?”

“It’s… my child. It’s not… an important, matter… to you, Brigadier General….”

“Lee Sehwa!”

He wasn’t trying to deliberately upset Ki Tae-jeong, but was asking out of genuine curiosity. If anything, he should be the one getting angry, telling him not to be presumptuous if he said he would give the Ki surname to Saessak. Why was he getting so serious when he was saying he wouldn’t cause him any trouble?

He had told him to follow him quietly if he didn’t want to see the child living in poverty for life. He could say that because neither he nor the child held any value to him.

Even his frantic buying of expensive childcare items that would clearly be discarded before a full season passed was just because he wanted to see him flip over and wag his tail, smiling softly like before….

“…Hah, fine. Register it with your surname. That doesn’t matter either way. But explain directly from your mouth a reason I can accept.”

“…”

“Otherwise, I won’t let you modify it.”

“…So, why?”

Faced with the threat that he would keep the Ki surname for Saessak if he didn’t speak, Sehwa finally voiced the questions he had been piling up inside.

His fingertips trembled as if in a spasm, separate from the difficulty of speaking. Ki Tae-jeong had said he wouldn’t force anything anymore. From his perspective, he might think he was being relatively lenient. However, Ki Tae-jeong’s current attitude felt like a threat to Sehwa, no different from other times.

“…I came out, didn’t hide… even when you said, you’d kill everyone.”

Sehwa pointlessly clawed at his hospital gown sleeve, trying to hide his constantly trembling voice. Although he had promised Ki Tae-jeong never to talk back again, on this issue alone he couldn’t pretend to crawl flat on his stomach.

“I, I stayed still… even when you, dr-dragged me like a dog… with a leash on my neck. Because… because if I didn’t, you said you’d, dispose of the child in the 4-Hwan, make them live… like me….”

His mind was still in chaos. With mixed memories floating around arbitrarily, even properly listing information was a struggle.

Now Sehwa was vague even about what kind of person he had been, exactly what kind of existence he was. He didn’t know what emotions were right to feel towards Ki Tae-jeong at times like this, or conversely, how his heart should feel, and how he should react to him. He had no energy, will, or certainty to judge good options. He didn’t know anything at all. His insides had truly dried up. Empty, like barren land.

There were scenes that came to mind clearly. But whenever those unforgettable sights from back then, Ki Tae-jeong’s voice from that time, attacked without warning, Sehwa’s heart was cut anew each time, and each time he fell to a distant place. Those were days when he could only hang his head endlessly, with blood flowing profusely and fever burning high.

But why was he acting as if nothing had happened? If he belatedly pours out his true feelings, if he just offers the excuse that he did it because he was his weakness, does that mean the past can all be treated as if it never happened? He still vividly remember the harsh words he threw at him….

“So now I’m… doing as you say, Brigadier General… Staying quietly by your side… So why… are you getting angry?”

It’s true that he ran away because he couldn’t bear the fact that Ki Tae-jeong had deceived him and played with him. But it wasn’t the past him that reduced Sehwa to a nobody, or rather, to a mere breathing lump that’s not even human. It was the present Ki Tae-jeong who made him like this.

“Anyway… it was you, Brigadier General, who abandoned me… and abandoned the child…”

“…What?”

Ki Tae-jeong, who had been quietly listening to Sehwa’s words, opened his eyes wide in disbelief at the mention of abandonment.

“Lee Sehwa, who would go to such lengths to recover someone they’ve abandoned?”

“…”

“Back then… I spoke harshly because I couldn’t stand seeing you habitually trying to harm yourself. Even now, I’m prioritizing your condition over the child in my orders. But…”

Ki Tae-jeong let out a hollow laugh, as if deflating, and kept muttering, “Abandoned? Me abandoning you?”

If someday, when the little Saessak grows up a bit and decides to leave to find another biological father, he would accept it willingly, even if it pains his heart.

He had seen to the point of nausea how much of a burden blood relations who can’t function as proper humans can be throughout life. After all, such people were the primary suckers keeping the House alive. If the child wanted to leave him to live in a better environment, he was confident he wouldn’t resent the child at all.

But that moment wasn’t now. He would rather send the child to Oh Seon-ran than give Saessak to Ki Tae-jeong. The child was the last and only thing Sehwa was barely holding onto, the one thing that prevented him from letting go of everything.

“…We once had a bet, didn’t we?”

Although his cracked voice was unpleasant to hear, and he was still stumbling like an idiot as his numbed senses hadn’t fully recovered… once he opened his mouth, the words flowed out quite comfortably. Perhaps it was due to the desperation of not wanting to lose even the child’s name to this man.

“Every time we helped each other, we’d get 1 point… and whoever reached 3 points first would win the bet.”

“No.”

Under the bright lights of the corridor, the various insignia on Ki Tae-jeong’s chest glinted. The man, finally sensing something from Sehwa’s empty gaze as he silently looked him over, reflexively refused before hearing him out.

“Why are you bringing that up now?”

“I… I found the drug made by Lieutenant Kim in Shelter 1… and safely moved the container with the drug until the end. And at the upcoming trial, I’ll… I’ll testify. I’ll tell you everything Lieutenant Kim had planned… That makes 3 points, doesn’t it?”

“Sehwa… no, Sehwa.”

“So… please give up your parental rights to the child. That’s… that’s my only wish.”

“…”

Ki Tae-jeong now looked like someone who had forgotten how to breathe. He was so stiff and motionless that one might momentarily mistake him for a statue.

“You can do whatever you want with me… until you’re sick of it. I mean it. I’ve… I’ve been quiet no matter what you’ve done so far…”

Saessak’s biological father was Ki Tae-jeong, and he held the parental rights. He now realized that even if Oh Seon-ran showed goodwill, there were areas that outsiders couldn’t intrude upon.

Until now, Sehwa had vaguely expected that he would have to show the child to Ki Tae-jeong whenever he wanted. But there were more things that couldn’t be done without the consent of the man with parental rights than he had thought. Even now, he couldn’t even decide the child’s surname as he wished.

If he had to be dragged along at his will until he let go first, then… he at least wanted to secure the child’s future. He couldn’t start by having even the most basic things taken away like this.

“Even if not right away… if you could promise to do so sometime later…”

“…”

“Or… if we include a clause in the contract stating that as payment, I won’t refuse and will spread my legs for you, Brigadier General… how about that?”

There was still no response from Ki Tae-jeong. With his head bowed, it was difficult to tell what expression he was making. He didn’t even run his hand through his hair or sigh, so it was impossible to read his mood. Only the bulging veins on his tightly clenched fist were barely visible.

After alternating his gaze between the man’s body blocking him like an impenetrable fortress and the opaque glass wall several times, Sehwa finally slowly took a step. Since he couldn’t see Saessak, and Ki Tae-jeong showed no intention of continuing the conversation, he thought to go back and rest for now.

There were still many unread childcare-related books piled up in his room. And as the nurse had said, he couldn’t keep calling the baby “Saessak” forever, so he needed to think of a real name…

Although he had managed to speak, his right ankle still wasn’t fully responsive, so he was about to pass Ki Tae-jeong with a somewhat clumsy gait when…

“I…”

Sehwa’s body came to an abrupt halt like a broken car. He couldn’t move forward anymore as his wrist was suddenly grabbed from behind. The shadow of the two people merged into one and stretched long down the corridor of the protected room.

“Lee Sehwa.”

“…”

“Sehwa.”

“…”

“Sehwa…”

Ki Tae-jeong suddenly approached and tightly embraced his waist. His snake-like touch, his burning hot body temperature, wrapped around Sehwa.

He repeated “I” a few times and then closed his mouth. For a while, he said nothing, his lips buried in the spot where Sehwa’s neck met his shoulder.

“Using the child to corner me like that… that was my mistake.”

When the exposed skin became damp from his rough breathing, Ki Tae-jeong finally spoke. His low voice, seeming to be drawn from deep within, reverberated.

“I never abandoned you.”

They were close enough that Ki Tae-jeong’s anxiously pounding heartbeat could be felt through Sehwa’s back. Embracing Sehwa with his whole body, Ki Tae-jeong whispered in a voice that seemed about to fade out.

“Why… why would I abandon you?”