M 117

He skimmed over the shape of the letters with a slanted gaze. Even before the specific content registered, he felt as if he had been killed by this insignificant scrap of paper.

After hesitating for a long while, Ki Tae-jeong stroked the surface of the crumpled paper. White fuzz-like fibers rose along the folded lines. The soft, dispersing sensation at his fingertips somehow seemed to resemble Lee Sehwa.

[Hesta 7ml, Alion 15ml, Tiran 9 ml diluted with 630 ml of water

Then transferred only as much as the medicine bottle capacity]

As Ki Tae-jeong read down the first line, he gave a short laugh, in contrast to his previously hardened expression. It seemed he had initially written “hisuk” instead of “hesta,” as there were several black lines drawn through the left side of the correctly written word.

Reading it under the light, all the erased letters were visible… Didn’t he think of this? Well, he probably didn’t have the capacity to worry about such things. He must have been busy manufacturing the drug and hiding various things to avoid the watchful eyes until he arrived, so he wouldn’t have had the luxury to meticulously conceal such cute mistakes.

[Taking a fever reducer helps with discomfort (especially when eyes feel dry and mouth is parched)

Something with Arismin or Keron ingredients is good

And avoid warming medicines or foods for a while

Lieutenant Na will probably take good care of you with good recovery medicine, but I’m telling you just in case]

As he read each line, Ki Tae-jeong’s eyes twitched. There was also a black line drawn after the last sentence, but unlike the few words erased above, this was almost like drawing a square box.

Even when he held the paper up towards the ceiling and illuminated it under the light, he couldn’t read what had originally been written.

What words had Sehwa carefully hidden? What resentment had he tried to pour out while preparing to leave him? Ki Tae-jeong stared for a long time at the black square box that looked clumsily drawn despite being carefully filled in.

He wished it had been an unspeakable curse. He wished it had been something like, “I wish you were dead, but since I don’t want to be a murderer, I’m leaving this,” or at least something along those lines…

Perhaps Sehwa, true to his nature, had written and then erased gentle and kind words. He was someone who, even while making a potent drug, couldn’t be cruel to the end and left such a sweet note. He was Lee Sehwa who, even as he turned his back on him, told him not to treat others painfully as he had treated him if he found someone else. So surely…

“…Hmm.”

Ah. Ki Tae-jeong touched his forehead, swallowing. He rubbed his dry face and slowly bent forward, resting his elbow on his knee. The corner of the note touched the tip of his nose, and with each breath, he could smell the unique scent of faded paper.

He could clearly picture Lee Sehwa from that day, though he had never seen him. His tear-soaked, gasping breaths, the warm vapor rising from his feverish skin, his reddened eyes, the body scent wafting from his wet face. His slender body, trembling as he curled up tightly, unable to control his emotions… It felt as if his sorrow was being transferred to him.

Even though he had said he knew he was a monster who wouldn’t die even if he took the potent drug. Even though he had said it would be better to die at Lieutenant Kim’s hands… Why did he prepare this? Why did he write it and leave? 

‘I… was so blinded by the fact that you dared to think of leaving me that I only now learned of the message you left behind.’

“Is something wrong, sir?”

Sensing something amiss, Chief Warrant Officer Choi tried to seriously assess his condition. Ki Tae-jeong waved his hand dismissively and straightened up. Then he stared at the light for a moment with his head resting on the sofa’s headrest. The unpleasant stinging that threatened to blind him was actually welcome.

As he carefully sifted through that day when he wasn’t in his right mind, he barely… recalled the moment when he had roughly stuffed something he was holding into his pocket before leaving the house office. Given that he had kept it instead of throwing it away, he must have thought even then that he should check it later… why had he forgotten about it until now?

Of course, there were many excuses. The physical state of being overcome by the drug, the feeling of his brain being crushed, was unspeakably terrible. No, it wasn’t just the drug, but what Lee Sehwa had said to him, what he had done with the resolve to kill him, that had made it impossible for him to be in his right mind. He had been literally blinded. And…

“…Ha.”

Ki Tae-jeong, who had been habitually rationalizing his actions, soon snorted derisively and shook his head lightly. It was exactly the same behavior Sehwa had pointed out this morning. After saying he would listen to everything, after boasting that he could change everything, he was still trying to interpret things in his favor even in this situation.

“Brigadier General. Lee Sehwa is here.”

Ki Tae-jeong, who had been self-deprecating, cleared his throat and hid the note in his shirt pocket. This time he tried to fold it neatly, but the scrap of paper, which had been sealed in its roughly stuffed form for quite a while, still bore the wrinkled traces.

It’s natural, since paper can’t be washed or ironed flat. No matter how hard you try, you can’t restore it to its original state. It’s impossible to make these creases, which look like cracks all over, as if they never existed. He knows this. He knows, and yet…

“…You’re here.”

A word with a strange ending, neither a question nor a statement, came out. Seemingly flustered by the greeting, Sehwa mumbled with a vague expression, then entered the living room, slightly dragging his feet.

Looking at him now, he’s clearly lost a lot of weight. Though he’s improved somewhat from when he was on the verge of collapse, he still looks terribly thin. As Ki Tae-jeong scanned Sehwa’s protruding wrist bones and ankle bones, he suddenly felt the urge to hold him. He didn’t feel an ounce of lust. He just wanted to cling to him as if they had always been one body.

He wanted to embrace him with his whole body and throw a tantrum, saying he only now understood the story he had left behind. Is it not enough to say that now he knows what the problem is, and that even though it’s late, he’ll cherish him? Even if he writes a pledge never to say cruel things about the child’s life again, even if he offers to get it notarized if he wants… Would it still not be enough?

Before, he thought there might be a way to turn things back. He believed that if he stayed by Sehwa’s side, pretending not to know, someday he would hear that soft voice with its gentle trailing end again. Unlike him, Sehwa was kind and affectionate. He was always starved for affection, and thus weak to the warmth of others… He had hoped that the day would come when he would rest comfortably in his arms again, like before.

But after reading this note… he lost confidence. Sehwa had left even this behind, while what he had thrown at him were threats to kill all the people around him, a dog collar made of jewels, and sneers about throwing into the abyss even the child Sehwa had decided to keep after much deliberation.

What’s more despairing is… even if he had seen this back then, his nature was so rotten that he would have tried to restrain Sehwa in the same way. It’s obvious that he would have forcibly kept him by his side, demanding that he smile at him like before, ultimately hurting him just as he has now.

No wonder Sehwa can’t believe his words. Because he knows all too well what kind of person he is. He knows better than anyone that he’s the type who only realizes something after seeing him on death’s doorstep, after losing his memory and voice – a rotten nature.

“What is this?”

“I’ll explain if you take a seat.”

Sehwa, who had been looking around in confusion, quickly sat down on the sofa when Lieutenant Park displayed Lieutenant Kim’s ID photo on the screen. He carefully distanced himself from him, making sure their knees didn’t touch. Ki Tae-jeong just stared blankly at Sehwa, at his cautious movements.

“I still remain skeptical about Mr. Lee Sehwa’s court appearance… but since the Brigadier General ordered it, I’ll briefly explain the current situation.”

Sehwa’s fidgeting stopped abruptly. At the same time, he felt his gaze stealing a glance at the side of his face. It seems he never thought he would grant his request to participate in the trial.

“Ah, my skepticism isn’t for any other reason. As the Brigadier General said, it’s because there’s a high possibility that Lee Sehwa could get hurt.”

Lieutenant Park briefly explained the military trial process to Sehwa, and then summarized the tactics the Kim family was trying to use.

“Like the doctor who approached Lee Sehwa before, and that kid’s gang recently… Colonel Kim, ah, Lieutenant Kim’s father, is very skilled at this kind of trickery. It may seem like petty, insignificant moves, but he has countless disposable cards and is also adept at using them for incitement.”

“So… they want to shift, um, shift Lieutenant Kim’s wrongdoings onto me, and… separately, they’re trying to create public opinion that I was already a problematic person to begin with?”

“Yes, that’s correct. Separate from the charges against Lee Sehwa. That’s why there was such an uproar when General Oh Seon-ran said he would adopt Lee Sehwa. I apologize for saying this, but Lee Sehwa’s background and origins were very good bait for them.”

Sehwa nodded, saying he understood the flow.

“It’s similar to… when they want to kill a rookie player who just got a new contract. They say, ‘All the customers will leave’… Whether you do well or not, if rumors spread that you’re unlucky… no one will request you…”

Even though he explained that personal attacks against him would dominate rather than questioning about Lieutenant Kim’s drug manufacturing, Sehwa didn’t even blink. Rather, he seemed a bit dumbfounded, asking if that was the only reason they tried to hide him from the trial.

“In any case, we’ve secured the House and Boss Son as evidence and witnesses, so we can put that at the forefront. Lieutenant Kim handled things more sloppily than expected. I believe he even gave Boss Son an informal transaction statement.”

“Ah… that’s right. Lieutenant Kim gave me the payment right away, but… saying he couldn’t believe it… When I asked, he wrote it for me. But is that… the end of it?”

“Pardon?”

Sehwa tilted his head, carefully examining the screen Lieutenant Park had displayed.

“Don’t you also have… the drug samples diverted from Unit 1?”

“Ah, yes. Of course, we’ll submit that as evidence too. It should match exactly with the components written in the confidential documents, so that will also be strong supporting evidence,”

“You said… military trials are about public opinion…”

Sehwa waved his finger at the screen, seeming not to understand. Warrant officer Choi flipped the pages back and forth in sync with his gestures.

“Then wouldn’t it be… much more effective if I… directly made that drug on the spot… to show that Lieutenant Kim ordered me to do this work for a long time,”

“No.” Ki Tae-jeong firmly stopped Sehwa before he could finish speaking. “You’re going to the courtroom, that’s enough.”

“But…”

“You just barely opened your eyes after being on the brink of death, and now you want to handle drugs?”

“I’m not… saying I’ll take it…”

“Your body isn’t completely fine. They’re still monitoring you for potential side effects.”