M 120

Asking if it was a problem that he wasn’t eating much or if there was anything he wanted was relatively mild. Sometimes he would make random comments like saying he had checked on the baby while he was sleeping and it seemed to have grown again already, or he would ostentatiously lean against the bedroom doorway reading childcare books.

However, his personality hadn’t changed completely. The man was still just as gruff. He poured out his rough, coarse feelings as if they were tenderness, bombarding him with them. Yet he still refused to give up any of his own desires. His habit of trying to solve everything with money remained, and he was endlessly buying baby items for Saessak even in the midst of all this.

If there was one clear difference from before, it was that he no longer tried to hide his emotions. Ki Tae-jeong seemed to think of these feelings as affection, while he considered them more like possessiveness… In any case, he no longer treated him as a necessity, nor as a disposable commodity.

The man would occasionally mutter that he’d never had his actions and inner feelings match up like they did these days, that this version of himself felt unfamiliar. Well. That wasn’t something Sehwa could judge.

Ah… The faint cigar scent he used to give off after working outside for even a short time had now completely disappeared. The man’s natural scent, having removed all harmful and murky elements, was much brighter and fresher than he had known. That was the only way he could tangibly sense how Ki Tae-jeong had clearly changed.

“Shall we go?”

Sehwa let out a long sigh through his nose. Though he didn’t make a sound, his shoulders rose and fell greatly – Ki Tae-jeong must have seen it too… But no reproach came flying his way. He just stood close beside him, matching his pace to his slow, clumsy steps.

With things like this, there was nothing he could do. Since he had fled to 2-Hwan, there had been a precarious distance between Ki Tae-jeong and himself. More precisely, there had been various excuses to keep his distance from the man.

His suspiciously softened attitude must be because he wants to win the trial. It could be because he can’t stand the sight of General Oh Seon-ran, or because they get along well… In that way, it had been possible to deflect, push away, and hate without hesitation the Ki Tae-jeong who hurt him. It was easier to paint him as a heartless, bad person. That way, the wounds and depression caused by Ki Tae-jeong could be clearly explained.

But lately, Ki Tae-jeong was acting persistently as if he would no longer stand by and watch Sehwa’s avoidance. He refused to gloss things over with vague expressions like “mistake.” He constantly pressed him on what he wanted him to say in these situations, what attitude he should take to be correct.

Yet he didn’t give him cause to formally reject him. If he was just shamelessly rationalizing things like before, he could at least get angry, but he kept pleading for another chance because he had done wrong, leaving him with no good options.

When discomfort and frustration would build up to the point of suffocation, he would then quickly back off. He seemed to have an uncanny ability to sense boundaries in his heart that even Sehwa himself didn’t know, and he skillfully avoided difficult situations.

In short, Ki Tae-jeong was being arbitrarily affectionate towards Sehwa these days.

Maybe that’s why… Lately, when Sehwa saw Ki Tae-jeong, he felt an urge to lash out for no reason. The saying that people stretch out according to the space they’re given fit perfectly.

There was a time when he didn’t even hope for this much from him. If he had treated him even half this kindly when he was dragging him like a dog in District 2, if he had immediately admitted his mistakes when he learned all the hidden stories, if he had at least said he would try to change his attitude from now on like this… He might have eventually softened his heart.

A tumultuous romance between people with gaping holes in different directions. A predictable linear relationship born of rank differences. He would have resigned himself to defining his relationship with Ki Tae-jeong that way someday.

But when he realized that Ki Tae-jeong could change to some extent, the old residue he had tried to hide beneath the surface began to run wild.

Yesterday, Ki Tae-jeong suddenly reminisced about the moment Sehwa lost his memories. He said that if he had been a little more honest during that short time, many things might have been different, and that he had only just realized it.

Sehwa felt the opposite. He wished he had never known about Ki Tae-jeong’s efforts. If he had never known, he wouldn’t feel this upset…

As he said, if he had been just a little more honest, he really would have thrown everything away for him like straw, so why did he keep lying? Why did he treat him so arbitrarily? If he was going to be a bad guy from start to finish, he should have stayed that way, but now he says he’ll do better in the future? That this should be their second love? Even if he says that, it doesn’t erase the memories that have seeped into his whole body, so why make him aware of things he didn’t know before, making him feel even more miserable?

Of course, he knows he can’t keep dwelling on his depression forever. Even he, who supposedly lost his memories from age twenty onwards, ended up returning to normal soon enough. Even at this moment, time is steadily flowing forward. Yes, he needs to move forward.

Even knowing this, Sehwa couldn’t find peace. It almost seemed better when he was the only one hurting inside. By now, his heart was turning to stone. He had clearly been dying alone smoothly, but as he said, this man who was so rotten to the core refused to allow him even that shabby peace in the end.

“Are you feeling unwell?”

Noticing his poor expression, Ki Tae-jeong carefully examined Sehwa’s complexion.

“I think it would be good to get a quick check-up before the trial starts.”

Without responding, he abruptly turned his head and slowly shifted his body to the side. Although there was a limit to how far he could move away in the car, he tried to create distance between them by pressing himself against the window as much as possible.

Seeing him suddenly become sharp, Ki Tae-jeong seemed to judge it best not to touch him and didn’t speak again afterward. However, he saw him raise and lower his hand several times out of the corner of his eye.

Was he going to pat his head? Or put his arm around his shoulder? As he hunched his back and raised his quills like a hedgehog, he chuckled saying he wouldn’t do anything. It was a dry laugh that somehow made the listener’s stomach churn unpleasantly.

“Relax. I won’t touch you.”

“…”

“As I’ve said before, if you need to speak up, request a recess and I’ll give you something like a script to prepare. No matter how upset you get, don’t act on your own… Just endure whatever those old men say. I’ll take care of the bastards who talk nonsense to you after this is over.”

Sehwa nodded after a brief pause. Park and Choi had already warned him about the expected verbal abuse in court, but it was mild compared to what he had heard countless times in the House.

Ah, it was a bit surprising to learn that Lieutenant Kim had feelings for him. No, even saying he had feelings wasn’t quite right. Apparently, Lieutenant Kim had sent his several messages while he was confined to the House under Ki Tae-jeong’s surveillance. He was only able to check them all a few days ago… Well. To summarize the lengthy content, at best he wanted to take him as a concubine.

Anyway, they warned him to be most careful of the moment when Lieutenant Kim, fed up with continued ignorance, might try to smear him by saying things like his way of treating guests was promiscuous, or that he had sponsors, completely out of context. Ki Tae-jeong still seemed to think he considered the misunderstanding about selling his body as the most terrible thing. Now, such things didn’t matter at all…

“We’ve passed the main gate. We’ll stop in front of the annex in 5 minutes.”

The car had already passed through the Ministry of National Defense’s main gate. Security was strict even when they had visited before, but now it was on a whole different level. It seemed that because Ki Tae-jeong was a brigadier general, they could briefly park the car in front of the annex where the courtroom was, while most had to stop at the entrance. Middle-aged men were parking their cars at the checkpoint below and walking in line for quite a distance.

“We’ll stop in 2 minutes.”

Lieutenant Park in the passenger seat carefully counted down. Come to think of it, this was the first time he had given advance notice counting down by the minute.

At the one-minute warning, Ki Tae-jeong tidied up his uniform. There was more force than usual in the series of actions of tightening his tie and adjusting his cuffs. Sehwa felt tension slowly building. This was a very important trial that would change the lives of many people.

The large car came to a smooth stop as if sailing on calm waters. Soldiers who had been waiting after receiving radio communication approached with discipline and opened the back door. As they exited, the special forces soldiers lined up in order to salute Ki Tae-jeong. The deep voices raised from their lower abdomen saying “Loyalty” were intimidating to hear as always, making Sehwa unconsciously shrink back.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Ki Tae-jeong said bluntly, as if asking what was scary about these guys he commanded. “No one can touch you.”

As he said this, he scanned the surroundings. From where Sehwa stood, he couldn’t see what expression Ki Tae-jeong had as he looked ahead, but the corners of the soldiers’ mouths turned up slightly as his gaze passed over them.

If his intention was to ease the tension, it was half successful and half a failure. Seeing the soldiers with broad smiles while their eyes didn’t smile at all made him feel somehow grotesque, causing him to keep flinching involuntarily.

“Hello. Please fill out the witness information form.”

A soldier with one more rank insignia than the others approached and held out a large tablet. Having been instructed in advance about the person coming with the brigadier general, his attitude was exceptionally polite. If it weren’t for Ki Tae-jeong, would he have died a dog’s death without even a chance to explain himself? Sehwa swallowed his bitterness as he took the device.

It wasn’t difficult as it was exactly like what he had practiced. When he entered his social security number, his basic information appeared. He confirmed that the registered information, including his residential area, was correct and pressed the button below to move on. The newly attached page contained information about the recently born child and adoptive father.

The part about General Oh Seon-ran wasn’t particularly difficult. Perhaps because of the high position, most of it was masked, so he just had to properly check if things like his hologram and name were written correctly.

The problem was the page for Saessak.

Since Lieutenant Park had shown him the form format the other day, he had been seriously considering a name for the child. Since he had a meaning in mind when he chose the prenatal name Saessak, it was surprisingly easy once he decided to really give a name.

He decided to name Saessak “Hae-rim”.

“Lee Hae-rim?”

“…”

“When did you decide?” Ki Tae-jeong, who was standing guard behind him at an angle, asked.

He wanted Saessak to become not a small and insignificant flower like himself, but a lush tree, a dense forest. And he wanted the child to grow up to be like a vast ocean.

So he buried his nose in the book General Oh Seon-ran had bought him, picking out characters that matched the meaning. Among those, he tried various combinations of pretty-sounding ones before making his final choice. ‘Hae’ for sea, ‘rim’ for forest. Hae-rim.

“What does it mean?”

“…”

“Hae-rim… It’s pretty.”

Sehwa tensed up, worried he might comment on his writing “Lee” as the surname, or ask why he chose a character meaning sea rather than sky.

But surprisingly, Ki Tae-jeong didn’t question anything. Instead, he simply nodded lightly, saying it suited Saessak well. Though he couldn’t know what he was really thinking, at least that’s how he acted in front of him.

Sehwa took a deep breath, feeling like he had crossed a big hurdle. Now it was time to enter information about Ki Tae-jeong, the other parent.

He had been briefed on this as well. Lieutenant Park said to choose “de facto marriage” when the option to select his relationship with Ki Tae-jeong appeared. He said that would be advantageous in court.

But his hand wouldn’t move readily. Legal spouse, de facto marriage, cohabitant negotiating custody, separated and negotiating or having completed custody agreement… All possible scenarios when two people meet and have a child were listed out.

Ki Tae-jeong, who had commented on Hae-rim’s name, now just silently watched Sehwa. In truth, Sehwa… wanted to choose “Other”. And in the reason field, he just wanted to write “Unknown”. Because that was the truth…

But he had promised to do his best to help with Ki Tae-jeong’s trial. Though he acted as if he hadn’t heard anything whenever this topic came up, they had agreed that if he scored the first 3 points, he would transfer full parental rights of Hae-rim to him in return. He had implored Ki Tae-jeong several times to keep this promise no matter what, and Sehwa was determined to push through with this regardless of how he acted. Though cowardly, he was prepared to threaten that he would keep the entire trial process secret if he followed his words, and was even ready to use General Oh Seon-ran if necessary.

It’s all staged lies anyway. Choosing this doesn’t really make him have that kind of relationship with Ki Tae-jeong… Why is he so nervous and scared? Just as Sehwa was about to raise his finger while trying to control his unstable breathing:

“Hey, Samwol!”

Startled by the booming voice, Sehwa involuntarily trembled like he was having a seizure. March. Samwol. His nickname that he had completely forgotten about, having no occasion to hear it, stabbed at his heart repeatedly.

“That fucking whore… Hey, I heard you had a kid with the guy you switched to?”

The sound of soldiers saluting filled the entrance, just as they had for Ki Tae-jeong. Turning around, he saw Lieutenant Kim, looking much darker than before, a middle-aged man who seemed to be his father, and…

“Well… your face is still the same.”

Maejo, another hwatu player, was standing there triumphantly.