M 126

Sehwa blinked docilely at the sight of the large shopping bag.

Ki Tae-jeong hesitated for a moment as he set the item down at his feet. Seeing Sehwa’s most peaceful face in recent memory made him keep having bad thoughts. Even just moments ago, after seeing Sehwa sink into solitude several times, he had been thinking shamelessly that if he continued to comfort him like this, wouldn’t he get better…

This wasn’t right. He should let him go.

Yes, he would let him go. But… this was the last time.

Couldn’t they stay together just for today?

He had heard there was an accommodation nearby where someone could fall asleep watching the stars. If he used that excuse and asked to hold him just for tonight, just this once as they fell asleep… the kind-hearted and gentle Lee Sehwa might allow it.

What should he do, should he say it? The mood hadn’t been too bad so far….

Ki Tae-jeong, who had almost blurted out those words due to the desire rising to the tip of his tongue, came to his senses only when he saw Sehwa’s patient gown fluttering in the wind.

Not everyone could indulge in melodrama and self-pity. That, too, required qualification. How could a bastard like him, who put his own desires first even in this situation, be allowed such things?

Ki Tae-jeong sighed while pressing his forehead, then swept his bangs back. This wouldn’t end at this rate. Was there such a thing as a good day to give up? One day would become two, two would become three, a week, a month, and eventually he wouldn’t be able to let go. Knowing this all too well, he had asked General Oh Seon-ran to take Sehwa away right away today.

If General Oh Seon-ran arrived on time at this rate, he would have to send Sehwa off without proper explanation or farewell. With the mountain of things he hadn’t been able to do already making him feel like bursting, he couldn’t ruin even the last goodbye.

Since any chance of appearing cool and affectionate was already ruined, he hoped to at least seem normal. He wanted to give ordinary farewells that normal people give when parting – wishing that he wouldn’t be hurt anymore, that he could do what he wanted and rest happily.

“Take it.”

“What… is this?”

Surprised, Sehwa unconsciously let out a voice with a raised end. Ki Tae-jeong chuckled at the young-sounding yelp, but he was too taken aback to feel embarrassed about it.

What Ki Tae-jeong pulled out of the shopping bag was the very bag Sehwa had thrown away at the restaurant in 2-Hwan. He had to put it in the trash when boarding the ship to hide his appearance… He couldn’t understand why that item was coming out of his hands.

“Surely, Brigadier General, you didn’t… secretly keep this after picking it up…?”

“It’s not like that.”

“But…”

“I understand why you’d suspect that, but look closely.”

Ki Tae-jeong handed over the bag, telling him to examine it first and then talk. Sehwa received the item he was giving with a dazed feeling.

As he had assured, there was no need to look closely. Just by running his hands over the exterior and corners of the bag, he could tell. The material and finish were incomparably more luxurious and intricate than the one he had carried. It was almost a shame that such fine materials were used to make a bag with such an unsophisticated design.

“Since I only copied the familiar outer appearance, there might be differences in the details.”

“…”

“You were carrying that worn-out thing like a treasure, so I’ve wanted to buy you a proper new one for a while…”

“But when I filled your room with expensive things, you pouted saying you didn’t like those either,” Ki Tae-jeong clicked his tongue softly. It didn’t seem like he was trying to reprimand him anew, but rather trying to lighten the mood in his own way.

“In the end, it hurts my pride a bit to just hand over something like this… but in a way, it’s my fault that you had to throw away the bag you used to carry well.”

“…”

“Originally, I was going to show it to you when you were discharged and came to the official residence…”

Ki Tae-jeong reached out and flicked the drooping bag strap.

“Now that’s not possible, so I’ll give it to you now.”

Not possible anymore? It was as incomprehensible as the meaning of the gift itself.

Well, it was the most appealing of all the expensive gifts Ki Tae-jeong had given him so far, but the situation was too odd to say thank you. As Ki Tae-jeong said, he wasn’t entirely unrelated to the circumstances that led him to discard the bag.

Of course, he had made the choice himself, so he wasn’t trying to forcibly blame him for even this. But perhaps hatred was also a habit, as it was difficult to readily say something nice. Even though he recognized it as a separate situation, he couldn’t bring himself to say thank you, or to decline saying he didn’t need to take care of him anymore… literally no words came out.

This person kept hurting me. So isn’t it okay? Childish and mean thoughts sprouted like thorns.

Sehwa kept rubbing his eyes, which had dried from the salty wind. In fact, they weren’t that itchy, but he kept doing it partly because he found himself pathetic for acting so childishly, and partly because he wanted to avoid having his gaze fixed on him.

Sehwa, who had been swallowing heavy sighs, suddenly let out a groan as something occurred to him. Come to think of it, after discharge… He had been putting off that conversation until now.

There were a few topics he had set aside while going in circles with Ki Tae-jeong, and one of them was his residence after discharge.

Ki Tae-jeong had assumed he would naturally move into the official residence and was even preparing a room for the baby, but Sehwa had no intention of doing so at all. In fact, he had clearly expressed his intentions several times, but he pretended not to hear anything, so there had been little progress.

He knew too. To properly settle the issue of his residence, there were things that needed to be resolved first.

The issue of the child’s custody, and redefining his relationship with Ki Tae-jeong….

He knew this, but had not taken a firm stance, using the excuse that the trial was imminent. These days, when he was swaying like a buoy and couldn’t even understand why he was living, he lacked the energy or courage to fight with Ki Tae-jeong again and get hurt while trying to gain something. Begging him to keep his promise as if squeezing it out was the best Sehwa could do at that time.

However, if that problematic trial was now roughly settled… He could no longer pretend not to know. Should he take this opportunity to remind him to keep his promise?

Sehwa, who had been fiddling with the bag strap endlessly, finally opened his mouth hesitantly, as if he had made up his mind.

“Brigadier General.”

“I know.”

“…I,”

“I know what you want to say.”

“…”

“Now that the trial is over, you really want to end it, saying you don’t want to live with me… That’s what you’re trying to say, right?”

Struck by the truth, unable to respond, Ki Tae-jeong smirked, thinking, ‘I wonder every time, how did you even become a head staff player?’

“Take out what’s inside.”

What could be in it? As he gently shook the bag, he felt something rolling around inside. Sehwa hesitantly opened the zipper. Inside the bag was a palm-sized latest model tablet.

“I don’t need something like this….”

“You don’t have to keep it, just look and sign.”

“Sign… this?”

As if there was no lock setting, the screen activated immediately with just a slight touch of his finger. And there….

“Brig…adier General.”

Sehwa had to repeat the large letters that appeared several times under his breath, unable to comprehend them at once.

Parental Rights Waiver.

If his eyes weren’t deceiving him, that’s clearly what was written.

“I’ve already signed and submitted it, so all you need to do is agree.”

“…”

“Just sign in the blank space and press the submit button, and it’s all over.”

Applicant’s name Ki Tae-jeong, occupation soldier, special note officer…. This document was undoubtedly filled out by the man in front of him. Sehwa absently touched the tablet screen. It wasn’t as if he could determine its authenticity that way, but he found himself doing it unconsciously, a habit from dealing with cards.

“You know well, but that three-point bet we made, that promise… I didn’t want to keep it. You know my personality.”

“…”

“Your condition seemed to be improving compared to before, and you said you were about to start psychological counseling… So I thought things would change, that you’d eventually accept me, and I tried to pretend not to know until the end. But….”

Ki Tae-jeong fixed his gaze somewhere, avoiding Sehwa’s face. In the peacefully settled darkness, small crimson sparks from the light flickered softly. Various emotions flared up like flames across the man’s face, which was undeniably beautiful no matter when you looked at it.

“But if I erase all my rights and existence, if I completely give up you and the child… you two will become General Oh Seon-ran’s only blood relatives.”

“…”

“There won’t be any more discussions about the child being treated like a test subject, or people gossiping about you being from a lower class. I might have nothing but the rank insignia on my chest, but it’s unsettling to turn General Oh Seon-ran and his prestigious family into enemies.”

“…”

“Right now, everyone’s talking nonsense without coming to their senses… but they’ll soon realize, just as General Oh Seon-ran said.”

Ki Tae-jeong, who had been stubbornly staring at the bonfire, finally turned to look at him.

“So you won’t have to worry about anything from now on.”

Sehwa’s hand holding the tablet unconsciously tightened. So now, Ki Tae-jeong was really… going to give up his parental rights? And all this to prevent the child from possibly becoming a subject of experimentation, or to stop similar rumors? Was he really stepping back for that reason?

“If you give up all parental rights, if that happens, Brigadier General.”

“…”

“I’ll have… no reason to cling to you anymore.”

“…”

​“The reason for me to stay by Brigadier General’s side like this… will disappear.”​

“…”

“You knew all that… when you did this, right?”

He had stayed reluctantly by Ki Tae-jeong’s side because he couldn’t even change the child’s surname on his own. He had been anxious, wondering if he might do something to the child out of spite, while also pondering blankly what kind of relationship they had, what to call this connection between them.

But now there was no need for that anymore. He had sole parental rights over Hae-rim, and with the added protection of being Oh Seon-ran’s adopted child, Ki Tae-jeong could no longer force him to do anything.

It was natural that it was hard to believe. Although he had mentioned the bet and urged him to keep his promise, deep down he hadn’t had much expectation. He thought it would end with just expressing his will to this extent, and that he’d have to find another way after the trial.

Is it really ending like this with this person…?

“Since I’m a stubborn idiot, General Oh Seon-ran strongly opposed giving up my precious child, so we agreed that I would step back.”

“…”

“For a while, if people bother you asking what happened between us, just ignore it. Well, I don’t think there’ll be any crazy bastards who’d dare to speak carelessly to you…”

Sehwa just held onto the parental rights waiver that he could barely see. The beach-like scene suddenly spread before his eyes, and Ki Tae-jeong casually talking about letting him go as if it were nothing… everything felt completely unreal.

“General Oh Seon-ran will arrive soon.”

After checking his watch, Ki Tae-jeong rummaged through the shopping bag again and took out a pair of shoes. If his memory was correct, they were… the exact same design as the baby shoes he had thrown while crying before.

“You’ll have to stay in the recovery room for a while, but I’m planning to be away for a long time anyway, so don’t worry about running into me and rest comfortably.”

“What do you mean… you’ll be away for a long time…?”

“I’ve rested enough, so now I have to go back to my original work.”

But he’s an Air Force officer. Both the Ministry of National Defense building and his official residence are within the base… How can he be so confident about being away for a long time?

Something felt… odd. There wasn’t anything particularly contradictory in his words, but he couldn’t shake off the uneasy feeling that something was gnawing at his insides. Sehwa nervously rolled his eyes around before carefully calling out to Ki Tae-jeong.

“Brigadier General, by any chance… that work you mentioned,”

“I’m getting another star.”

Ki Tae-jeong cut him off as if he hadn’t heard, bending down to remove the hospital slippers Sehwa was wearing. Then he casually knelt on one knee.

“Brigadier General…?”

Ignoring Sehwa’s confused and surprised call, Ki Tae-jeong lifted his sand-covered foot onto his knee.

“I’m not a Brigadier General anymore, I’m a Major General^[1] now.”

“…”

“And I’m scheduled to become a Lieutenant General in a year. So I have a lot to do from now on.”

Ki Tae-jeong cleaned off all the glittering sand grains stuck to his foot and then put on the shoes he had prepared. He was so intensely focused on this simple task, as if he were loading a gun, that it was hard to dare speak to him.

“Why? Do you want to keep looking at my face?”

The shoes fit Sehwa’s feet perfectly, as if they were custom-made. It wasn’t just that the size was right; he felt he wouldn’t be able to find shoes this comfortable anywhere else.

“You’ll see me whether you like it or not, because I’ll be on the news a lot.”

“…”

“So you won’t forget my face, I’m going to show my face everywhere from now on, even if it’s annoying and shitty.”

This is strange. Right now, definitely, something is… off.

Sehwa clutched his chest, not knowing what to do. In a way, this was the moment he had been waiting for. But his chest hurt as if he had been hit by a sharp stone. He couldn’t breathe properly, and his shoulders heaved unconsciously. He absolutely didn’t still like him, but he felt empty and bitter, as if there was a hole in his stomach.

“Yeah, it’s ridiculous, isn’t it?”

“…”

“I know you did your best to like a bastard like me who can only think about this kind of thing even in this situation…”

Ki Tae-jeong, who had been staring at his feet for a long time, finally raised his head. It seemed like the first time he was seeing Ki Tae-jeong look up at him like this…

“I want to ask you to give me one more chance, promising I won’t say or do bad things again…”

“…”

“But it seems it’s already too late for that…”

Ki Tae-jeong, who had been gently massaging the toe of the shoe, slowly stood up. Sand poured from the knee he had been kneeling on. The particles were so fine that they slid off without leaving a trace on the fabric.

Ki Tae-jeong gazed at him with intense eyes. As if he wanted to preserve this image in his eyes forever, he stood there for a long time without even blinking.

Sehwa, receiving that deep gaze, suddenly recalled a time he thought had been burned to ashes. On the escalator at the department store, standing on the same step, Ki Tae-jeong’s eyes had flickered just like this when he whispered about going to see that sea together someday…

“Brig…adier General…”

“I’m sorry for everything, Sehwa.”

“…”

“Very much so.”

The large hand that was once Sehwa’s entire world gently brushed away his helplessly fluttering hair.