M 131

“…I apologize.”

“…”

“You seemed surprised, so I helped you.”

The scene before his eyes was cut off abruptly, as if laying out cleanly sliced cross-sections. Sehwa barely managed to move his frozen body.

The eye level as he looked up was familiar, but the face gradually coming into view was… someone he was seeing for the first time today. The voice briefly apologizing and quickly moving away was also that of a stranger. And yet…

Sehwa’s lips quivered with an indescribable feeling. What was it? That moment of being embraced from behind, that sensation was so familiar. The feeling of the solid body against his back, the height and length of the outstretched arm, the body heat brushing past his ear… Those small details, they reminded him of…

They reminded him of someone.

“Um, excuse me…!”

Although he hadn’t called out that loudly, the man somehow heard and immediately stopped in his tracks. His docile attitude, as if ready to follow orders, somehow felt out of place. He was dressed the same as the soldiers outside, with a similarly tall stature… 

Why? Why did this person alone seem so different?

“Well, that is, um…”

He had called out without thinking, but the words wouldn’t come. Understandably. Even to himself, it seemed like an absurd conjecture.

That this person might be Ki Tae-jeong.

The man smelled strongly of disinfectant, perhaps due to being hospital staff. A glance showed his fingertips were in terrible condition, all cracked. Skin often gets damaged like that from frequent use of alcohol swabs. The hands of those organ harvesters in the basement of the House looked just like that.

Ki Tae-jeong’s hands aren’t like that. Though they were full of calluses, his fingertips weren’t cracked and whitened like that. No, it wasn’t just the hands that were different. His face, voice, even skin color were different, so why…

“…It’s nothing, thank… you.”

After fumbling, Sehwa offered a bland thanks, and the man gave a slight bow in return. That was it. The man’s steps toward the exit were full of caution. Unlike Ki Tae-jeong, whose movements were disciplined yet relaxed, this man seemed tightly wound with military discipline.

The sound of footsteps quickly ceased, but there was no sound of the door lock releasing. It seemed this person was assigned to guard inside the protected room for now, as they had mentioned earlier.

Unable to calm his churning insides, Sehwa absently rubbed his chest.

Ki Tae-jeong liked to embrace him from behind. He did it during intimate moments, when they were just sleeping, and even after everything had fallen apart. He acted as if holding Sehwa in his arms could make everything that had happened disappear.

His body, inevitably accustomed to Ki Tae-jeong’s weight and volume, insisted this person must be Ki Tae-jeong, but the man’s appearance and scent were completely different, leaving Sehwa confused.

Unconsciously glancing outside the bedroom, Sehwa soon shook his shoulders slightly. ‘What am I thinking? Of course it’s not Ki Tae-jeong. Why would he be here…’

“I heard he’s doing well, having become someone more important…”

Ki Tae-jeong… had let him go as soon as the trial ended. He seemed to ignore Sehwa’s repeated pleas to keep his promise, then suddenly ended things without any real explanation.

He arbitrarily put on Sehwa a pair of baby shoes identical to ones he had brought before, saying that if he disappeared, nothing would happen to Sehwa and Hae-rim, so he should be at ease. He reassured Sehwa that going to General Oh Seon-ran would make it impossible to even attempt taking the child to a lab, and that there would never be such humiliation again.

Then he apologized. It was a long-overdue apology, finally uttered only after things had reached that point.

Memories that had been pushed far away while recovering suddenly came rushing back. As if waiting for this moment, all the pieces of good, painful, and sad feelings intertwined with Ki Tae-jeong thoroughly surrounded Sehwa.

Sehwa’s hands gripping the crib railing gradually tightened. It was difficult to endure the uncontrollable, spreading pain. Still, he was able to avoid collapsing pathetically thanks to Hae-rim visible before him. The baby was still sleeping peacefully with his eyes closed, though his nose twitched slightly.

Right, this wasn’t the time to be thinking about Ki Tae-jeong. They said that even with the best programs, a moment of carelessness could lead to a major accident. He needed to focus and watch the baby properly.

There was much to do when the sitter arrived. He needed to have his formula preparation technique checked to make sure he hadn’t gotten it wrong despite all his practice, learn how to swaddle and put on the cute ray-shaped baby clothes, change diapers, and more…

Sehwa took a deep, labored breath as he closed his eyes tightly and reopened them. His throat stung as if he had eaten something spicy, making it painful even to swallow.

He thought he had been forgetting smoothly, but it seems there was still a long way to go.

***

Ki Tae-jeong coughed unnecessarily to hide his labored breathing. He was only able to visit the hospital now due to a morning meeting for all Air Force officers. Pressing around his neck, wondering if the hastily applied special makeup looked odd, he carefully stood next to the shoe rack. It was Ki Tae-jeong’s designated spot, disguised as security personnel.

It had already been a week of coming to see Sehwa and the child whenever he had a chance. He knew it would be like this. He only hesitated the first time. Though afraid of how Sehwa would look at him if discovered, he simply couldn’t stop himself from coming here.

The rich, sweet smell of formula and the scent of sunlight-filled bedding and clothes filled the protected room. Cute songs of unknown origin played here and there, and Sehwa occasionally laughed out loud. It was exactly like the scene he had vaguely imagined when Sehwa would whisper “Saessak” to the baby in his belly on his bed.

He thought Sehwa would be cooped up in the bedroom, but he was busy learning various childcare tips from visiting experts. Even with a live-in sitter, he moved diligently, saying a father should know the basics.

As a result, Ki Tae-jeong also learned how to care for a baby by watching. The angle for feeding formula, the timing of patting the baby’s back to soothe them, how to swaddle… Though he knew he’d never have the chance to actually hold the baby, standing and watching Sehwa and the child all day naturally familiarized him with these things.

“Excuse me…”

As he was looking around with eyes full of lingering attachment, Sehwa suddenly poked his head out from inside and called to him.

“You’re not busy, are you?”

‘Is he… calling me, now?’ Bewildered, Ki Tae-jeong entered the bedroom, and Sehwa asked sheepishly if he could watch the baby for a moment.

“I want to move something to the living room, but if there’s a loud noise, it might startle the baby…”

“I’ll move it for you.”

“Ah, no. That’s not what I meant to ask…”

“Wouldn’t it be better for you to watch and immediately comfort the baby if needed? The baby might cry, just in case.”

“Ah,” Sehwa said, slightly turning his body. As if inviting him further inside.

“Then… if it’s not too much trouble, could I ask you a favor? It’s called a bouncer, I want to move this.”

It wasn’t a difficult task. It wasn’t an adult bed, just a baby bouncer, he could carry it with one hand. After moving it to a spot with adequate sunlight, Sehwa immediately followed, carrying the baby.

“Is this location alright?”

“Ah, yes. Thank you. I thought it wouldn’t be good to stay in one place. They say the baby doesn’t understand anything yet at this age… but I thought maybe it would be nice to change the mood…”

Seeming embarrassed about suddenly asking for help after being aloof all this time, Sehwa added various explanations. Though his tone was careful and stiff, it reminded Ki Tae-jeong of his old chatty habit, and he almost smiled without realizing it.

Come to think of it, Sehwa walks well now and speaks naturally. Though a bit slower, he no longer seems very uncomfortable.

After observing for a few days, Ki Tae-jeong noticed Sehwa was eating well and exercising regularly. Perhaps because of that, his face looked much better. His cheeks were filling out with a soft plumpness, and he had a very faint, healthy flush, as if he had applied a very light flower water.

He was attending counseling and not neglecting his check-ups. He seemed to be pondering alone about where to live and what to do after being discharged. But when he looked at the child, he smiled as if happy. Sehwa was living diligently. He was moving forward with all his might, just as he did when he liked Ki Tae-jeong. Every day, he was lovely and adorable.

While feeling relieved that things were going well… Ki Tae-jeong somehow felt like dying every time Sehwa smiled and whispered something to the child. He wanted to run to him right now and cling to him. Sometimes there was a faint furrow between Sehwa’s brows when he stole glances at him, and when that puzzled gaze wandered over his face and hands, Ki Tae-jeong wanted to confess everything, that he was indeed Ki Tae-jeong. But…

Ki Tae-jeong composed himself as he picked at the rough edges of his cracked fingertips. Pretending to put his hands behind his back, he wiped the dripping blood on his clothes.

Sehwa, the child, and General Oh Seon-ran all seemed to be doing well. Wasn’t everyone happier now that he had suppressed his selfish desires? That was enough.

There was no one to blame. It was entirely his own fault. He should be grateful just to be able to linger here like this, when he thought he’d never see them again.

“Ah, this makes it too dark.”

Sehwa repeatedly half-closed and opened the blackout curtains over the translucent drapes. He scurried to the controller, then wandered back near the window… bustling about the living room here and there like the squirrel hanging from the mobile. He seemed to be worrying about whether the direct sunlight might be bad for the baby.

Following Sehwa’s movements, a few stray hairs fluttered like sprouts. The round back of his head looked just like an apple. Ki Tae-jeong secretly clenched his fist, enduring the overwhelming cuteness.

‘Is my expression okay right now?’ 

He was carefully minding everything from his tone to his gait, but he wasn’t sure if he was doing well. Disguise was usually one of his strong suits, but facing an opponent he could never beat made everything feel inadequate. His hasty preparations were also more sloppy than usual…

Strangely, Sehwa would suddenly turn to look at him at unexpected moments, as if he had noticed something. Then he would open and close his mouth for a while, as if about to say something but deciding against it. While Ki Tae-jeong was anxious about what might seem suspicious, he was also a little glad that Sehwa didn’t seem to have completely erased him yet.

“Hello.”

At the sound of knocking on the protected room’s entrance, Ki Tae-jeong straightened his back. ‘You crazy bastard. Even in this situation, you’re happy that Sehwa hasn’t completely let go of you.’

“The sitter went to eat, right?”

“Ah, yes… What’s the matter?”

“I was asked to watch for a bit in the meantime. The guardian seemed quite worried.”

Two doctors and three nurses in white coats entered with friendly smiles. By guardian, did they mean General Oh Seon-ran? Ki Tae-jeong quickly checked his wristwatch. Though it was a civilian model with poor performance, not an officer’s, messages from superiors usually came through promptly… but there were no alerts.

Ki Tae-jeong narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing the faces of those who entered. He first sent an urgent call to General Oh Seon-ran. Though medical staff frequently came and went due to Sehwa’s health issues, there had never been such a large group arriving unannounced.

It never hurts to be careful. They say they verify visitors’ identities in several steps and conduct various tests outside, but scanners can’t catch everything. Hadn’t a single can of cheap spray temporarily paralyzed even a 1-Star checkpoint?

“How are you feeling?”

“Ah, not bad. I slept well…”

“That’s good.”

As he calmly observed the hands and feet of the outsiders, Ki Tae-jeong’s eyes suddenly widened as if struck by lightning.

“Hmm… The changes in the numbers don’t seem significant…”

The pen held by the doctor standing right next to Sehwa, or more precisely, the small emblem on its clip, was very familiar. It was the symbol of the scholarship foundation run by Colonel Kim’s company, Gyeonghan Pharmaceuticals.

“Lee Sehwa!”

Sehwa’s eyes went wide as the previously polite soldier suddenly changed and called out his name, and with great urgency at that.