M 134

“Sometimes when people hear the Major General’s story, they react just like you’re doing now, Mr. Sehwa. Yes, with exactly that expression.”

His tone was gentle, as if coaxing a younger sibling. That expression? What did his face look like? As he touched his cheeks, Captain Na chuckled softly.

“And every time that happened, the Major General would… well, it’s a bit awkward to say this in front of you, Mr. Sehwa… but he’d go berserk like someone high on drugs.”

Even that seemed to be a carefully chosen, polite expression. A dark shadow briefly crossed Captain Na’s face as he recalled the past.

“You know how some people act tough on purpose to hide their weaknesses or complexes? Unfortunately, the Major General isn’t even that type. To use one of his favorite expressions, he just fucking hates it when people treat him like that.”

“…”

“He considers people pitying him to be the most horrifying thing in the world. He says he hates it when people get caught up in their own emotions and arbitrarily view him as pitiful when he doesn’t even see himself that way… Well, it’s true that the Major General undeniably has a lot going for him, so it’s not right to see him as purely pitiful. Also…”

Captain Na scratched the back of his head, saying, “I was hesitant to tell you this because I wasn’t sure how you’d take it. You’re the only person who’s treated him like that and still has all their limbs intact. When I heard about it later, I was so surprised… No, to be more precise, I should say you’re the only person who’s become special to the Major General…”

“…”

“Anyway, what I want to say is, there’s nothing to be surprised about. The Major General is fine. There’s no need to feel sorry for him when he doesn’t want that.”

Sehwa unconsciously glanced at both his wrists.

When he had shown a hint of sympathy after hearing about Ki Tae-jeong’s time as a child soldier in the bunker, he had twisted his wrists. He had mocked his heart for melting so easily with just a few words, cruelly ridiculing everything he had cherished all along. It probably didn’t hurt as much as when he first kicked him.

But if Ki Tae-jeong’s words and actions stemmed from being treated this way since he was very young…

If it was a defensive trait acquired from living days where no one cared even if his throat was pierced and his flesh was torn to expose muscle and bone, where they said it was enough if he could function normally regardless of injury, where no one took care of him even though healing quickly doesn’t mean not feeling pain… If that was the case, then he could somewhat understand why Ki Tae-jeong had responded so sharply back then.

Of course, he didn’t want to embrace him while considering his hidden circumstances. Whatever the case, it was true that Ki Tae-jeong had treated him harshly at the time. Being treated like a killing machine doesn’t excuse hurting others. However…

“Then can I go in now? If he’s not in surgery…”

Captain Na jumped up, asking if he was serious. He repeatedly asked if he really wanted to go in when Major General Ki Tae-jeong was inside.

“Oh, there won’t be any problem at all.”

Captain Na pushed Sehwa’s back, saying it was almost time for him to wake up anyway.

“The wounds would have healed by now, so you won’t see anything gruesome.”

Captain Na’s cheerful addition made Sehwa’s heart ache a little. He knew he was trying to make light of it for his sake, but it only made him feel like stones were piling up on his heart.

Sehwa hesitated for a moment with his hand on the door, then closed his eyes tightly and pushed.

The interior of the hospital room was incredibly luxurious, befitting a place for a high-ranking official. Sunlight poured in through floor-length windows draped with chiffon curtains. Outside, a well-maintained garden and walking path were visible, and the furnishings looked expensive at a glance.

In the center was a bed surrounded on all sides by pure white curtains. Was it for privacy protection? In any case, that at least resembled the emergency rooms seen on the news, which was fortunate as it gave him time to prepare mentally. Although he had boldly barged in, it might have been difficult to bear seeing Ki Tae-jeong’s face with his eyes closed.

“Captain Na.”

As he was staring blankly at the bed, lost in indescribable emotions, a low voice he had never heard before shook Sehwa from his reverie.

“Bring me my watch.”

Had he woken up sensing his presence? Or was he already awake? Either way, he couldn’t see inside the curtains from outside. Judging by how deep his voice was, it seemed he hadn’t been conscious for long…

‘What should I do? Should I call Captain Na?’ 

As he hesitated, unbelievably, the sound of a lighter being flicked came from inside. As a wisp of milky smoke rose, various ventilation devices installed in the hospital room began to operate fiercely. It must be a smoking-allowed room, as there were no additional measures like alarms going off. Is that a good thing?

He was so dumbfounded that his tension completely dissipated. He found Ki Tae-jeong ridiculous for reaching for a cigarette first without even thinking about being stabbed, and was astonished by the man’s inconsideration in not even taking into account that this was a hospital. He completely forgot the rather solemn state of mind he had prepared himself with when entering.

“Captain Na, the watch.”

His voice urging again was louder than before, and his pronunciation was slightly slurred from deeply inhaling and exhaling cigarette smoke. Sehwa rubbed his arms, which kept getting goosebumps from the man’s voice striking his ears, and carefully pulled back the opaque curtain.

Ki Tae-jeong was standing with his back to him. They said he only took one recovery pill… There wasn’t even an IV pole in sight, as if he hadn’t even received fluids.

“Sehwa and the child.”

His movements were still not as quick as usual while putting on his shirt, likely due to lingering discomfort. Following his slow gestures, the mountain-like muscles etched on his broad back writhed and pulsed. Though the speed of dressing was slightly slower, fortunately he could still use his hands. The areas that had been stabbed and torn seemed to have healed.

“Why aren’t you answering…”

The man with the cigarette clenched between his teeth finally turned around. Ki Tae-jeong’s thick eyebrows twitched in displeasure upon discovering the figure standing there blankly. The annoyance that had furrowed his brow changed to surprise, and then to numbness in an instant.

Sehwa suddenly recalled the moment he first met Ki Tae-jeong. It was cold that day too, and the streets were very messy with snow and flower petals intermingled. The man who had stared at him intently exhaled cigarette smoke like breath, narrowed his eyes as if intrigued, and asked if he was that famous flower. And now,

“…”

Ki Tae-jeong was facing him, unintentionally in the exact same posture as back then.

The only difference seemed to be his expression. Ah… or not? He looked much more haggard than the last time he saw him. While his picturesque appearance remained, now his facial features seemed sharp enough to cut just by standing near him.

His pitch-black eyes, having lost their usual color, wavered greatly. A variety of emotions that even Sehwa couldn’t read flickered across his eyes and face repeatedly.

“…Seems like everything’s fine. For you to come all the way here leaving the child behind.”

Ki Tae-jeong carelessly stubbed out his cigarette on the bedside table, then quickly waved his hand. By the time the acrid smoke had completely dissipated, the man was wearing his usual composed expression. If not for his hand gestures dispersing the smoke as if flustered, or his eyes wavering upon seeing him, he wouldn’t have noticed that he was now feigning composure.

“The reason you came to see me in that disguise…”

After a short cough, Ki Tae-jeong repeatedly rubbed his Adam’s apple with his palm. 

‘Why did he smoke as soon as he woke up?’ He clicked his tongue inwardly… but thinking about it carefully, it seemed like he was trying to prevent him from looking at where he had been stabbed.

“It was at General Oh’s request. He thought there might be crazies like the ones you saw earlier.”

“…”

“I didn’t mean to deceive you on purpose. We’re going to strengthen security measures, and from now on only pre-registered medical staff will be allowed in and out…”

“Are you happy?”

The unintended question burst out before Ki Tae-jeong could finish speaking. After staring at the man who didn’t coldly mock him for rudely interrupting like he would have before, Sehwa asked again slowly. 

So, is he happy now?

“You’re not a Brigadier General anymore, but a Major General now, and the trial had a good outcome… You’ve gotten everything you wanted. After arbitrarily getting rid of people saying you were helping them, and acting selfishly till the end…”

“…”

“Then you should be happy. Why…”

‘Why are you making that face?’

Sehwa felt like crying for some reason. He finally realized why he had felt so empty all this time during his absence.

It felt like he had been abandoned once again by this man who had pushed him away at that beach.

He resented Ki Tae-jeong, who had suddenly handed him over to General Oh without any notice, who hadn’t given him any choice. Now that he understood the specific reason, a surge of sorrow washed over him, making him wonder how he had endured all this time.

Whatever the reason, whatever the pretext… even if everyone else in the world did so, this person alone should never have betrayed him again. If he was going to have that look on his face even after so much time had passed, if he was going to look at him with those eyes, and recklessly throw his whole body onto a blue blade… he shouldn’t have sent him away like that. He should have let him be the one to let go of him, to abandon him.

It’s true that he wanted to run away from Ki Tae-jeong, that he couldn’t stand the sight of him. But he hadn’t wished for that kind of ending. This mean and selfish man hadn’t respected him until the very end. But… even as he felt angry and hurt, a contradictory emotion that absolutely couldn’t coexist slightly raised its head.

For this person who had been raised and treated like a weapon, that farewell might have been the most profound affection he could offer. Realizing that it was Ki Tae-jeong’s own urgent regret and apology, he could no longer simply hate him. Having seen with his own eyes how this man had been treated within the military despite his impressive rank, it was impossible to resent him blindly like before.

Really, really… it was fucking frustrating. Truly, Ki Tae-jeong was a man who excelled at twisting people’s hearts.

“…No.”

Not understanding his feelings, Ki Tae-jeong walked steadily towards him. The tails of his shirt, with buttons not properly fastened, fluttered widely. With each of his long strides, the sharp smell of disinfectant and cigarettes wafted over.

Sehwa quickly checked Ki Tae-jeong’s hands and neck. The areas where the scalpel had stabbed were smooth and shiny without a single scar.

Even if one takes recovery medication, even if new flesh grows without leaving scars, it doesn’t mean the painful sensations are forgotten. However, Ki Tae-jeong stood in front of Sehwa as if he had never received any wounds, hesitating for a long time. No, no, no. He repeated those words over and over like a broken clock.

“I thought I had everything… but I was wrong.”

“…”

“Without you, I’m not happy at all.”