M 139

Ki Tae-jeong rose from his seat with a serious face, like a commander about to launch a surprise attack. As he moved towards the bedroom, trying to minimize noise, the rustling sounds became increasingly clear. He could hear the sheet rustling as if feet were stomping, and even the sound of lips smacking as skin stuck together and separated.

While watching over Sehwa, Ki Tae-jeong had become quite familiar with the child’s living patterns. Thanks to his efforts to study childcare books in hopes of changing Sehwa’s mind before they separated, he had a good grasp of the basics.

This was clearly an age where the baby couldn’t express himself verbally except by crying when uncomfortable or frustrated. The baby would be difficult even to stretch his limbs at will, let alone babble. So why… why did the baby suddenly wake up, and right after the sitter left?

As Ki Tae-jeong cautiously entered the bedroom, the scent of sun-baked, fluffy bedding wafted over him. The fragrance of baby items mingled with Sehwa’s body scent, creating an overwhelmingly sweet aroma. Ki Tae-jeong, who had stood frozen at the doorway, repeatedly rubbed his face before composing himself.

If something had happened to the baby, if anything went wrong by leaving it alone… this time, everything would truly be over. So, he decided to carefully observe. Just look.

Despite handling terrifying weapons directly for a week without tension, his palms were now slightly damp with sweat.

As he approached a few steps closer, the movement became clearly visible. Fortunately, the baby wasn’t crying and seemed to be playing contentedly by himself.

The baby was wearing something like a spacesuit with hands and feet covered, making him look like a starfish. Or maybe a stingray… Was it a swaddling clothes to constrain the body? Anyway, the sight of that tiny body wriggling in pale yellow clothes, like a chick drenched in milk, was… cute.

Ki Tae-jeong, who had been aimlessly glancing around the bed, took another short deep breath before he could properly look at the baby’s face.

The first thing that caught his eye were the chubby cheeks. The pink lips slightly parted, the equally tiny ears and nose, and… those large, round eyes staring up at him.

Forgetting even to breathe, Ki Tae-jeong stared intently at the baby. This was his first time facing it so closely.

“…Really identical.”

Even though his voice was so low that it startled even himself, the baby didn’t flinch and just blinked docilely. Then, with a grinning face, the baby smacked his lips. It might just be his imagination, or rather, it must be his imagination… but it seemed as if the child was responding to his muttering with its own gurgles.

“Looks just like Sehwa.”

He decided to retract his ungraceful observations about starfish and stingrays. The baby didn’t resemble those at all. Sehwa’s child was… well, what would be good? What expression would be appropriate? His tongue, which had moved so smoothly in front of Sehwa, now felt stuck. How should he describe that ridiculously cute appearance in that absurd outfit?

Perhaps for temperature control, the baby was also wearing a hat on his tiny head, which even had ears attached. Whether they were supposed to be dog or bear ears, two small round ears proudly stuck out, looking so ridiculously cute that it made him chuckle involuntarily.

The small life form with a face identical to Sehwa’s just stared at him quietly. Whether innate or not, even when still, the corners of the baby’s mouth were slightly turned up as if smiling. Although the baby couldn’t possibly understand, he seemed completely innocent, not even considering that the person in front of him could harm him.

Ah. The moment he met those shiny, pebble-like eyes, Ki Tae-jeong couldn’t say a word. It felt like the ground was falling away beneath his feet. 

Hae-rim, Lee Hae-rim. 

The name of the child he still hadn’t been given permission for, or rather couldn’t even be involved with, lingered on the tip of his tongue. It burst out from within before he could even resist. 

Lee Hae-rim, no other pretty words could describe this child.

Simultaneously, a memory of a cruel day flashes behind his eyelids. His own sarcastic voice towards Sehwa harshly strikes his ears. What harsh words did he say to the battered Sehwa? What curse did he utter to this good baby who, as the sitter said, doesn’t cry even when waking up and doesn’t whine even when seeing strangers?

How dare he stand here now, marveling at how the child resembles Sehwa, being amazed at how cute the baby is…

Sehwa’s child had an incredible ability. The baby could make even Ki Tae-jeong, who still treated others terribly except for Sehwa, want to kneel down spontaneously, make him reflect on his past days, there was clearly something indescribable about it.

“…If you didn’t resemble Sehwa, would I have been this glad to see you?” Ki Tae-jeong bent his upper body completely to look at the baby up close and muttered softly.

‘If you resembled me instead of Sehwa. No, if you resemble neither of us and had an ugly face… would I still be this amazed looking at you, and feel this sorry?’

Before the contemplation could end, a noisy answer rang out in his head. 

‘Fuck, speak sense. Of course I would have. I would have been sorry to death, and glad enough to cry.’

He pushed away the pathetic rhetorical question that kept rising from within due to the suffocating guilt. Yes. It would have been beautiful in any form. Because it’s Sehwa’s child, no one else’s. Although he no longer had any rights… it’s Sehwa and his child, how could it not be beautiful?

The oblivious baby wrinkled its nose and stretched its arms as if yawning. This caused the rabbit doll decorating the headboard to shift slightly, but the delicate strength that couldn’t even leave an impression on such a cotton lump was just bewildering.

They said the development was normal, but is it natural to be this weak? The real baby was so different from what he had learned from books and holograms that Ki Tae-jeong couldn’t gather his wits, genuinely worried that something might break at any moment.

“Hing…”

The baby, who had been wriggling alone for a while, pouted his lips as if something was uncomfortable. The mouth that had been slightly open like corn kernels closed tightly forming a triangle, and tiny wrinkles formed on the small chin. The eyebrows curved downwards, and moisture glistened in the large eyes.

Ah, it would be troublesome if the baby cried now. There’s no one else here. While thinking this, Ki Tae-jeong found himself laughing loudly without realizing it. This tiny thing, even his crying face looks just like its dad.

“What’s wrong? What’s uncomfortable?”

As he gently patted the white, warm cheeks that were like freshly baked bread, the whimpering voice grew a bit louder. He discreetly checked below, but it wasn’t warm. It didn’t seem to be time to change the diaper… Maybe the baby just wanted human body heat.

After hesitating for a while, Ki Tae-jeong carefully reached into the bed. As he was about to position himself to hold the baby, he belatedly realized that the various decorations on his uniform jacket could harm the baby’s delicate skin, so he hurriedly took off his clothes first.

Then, holding his breath as if diving, he carefully lifted the baby. It really felt like scooping up some delicate seafood from water. It was so light that he could barely feel he was holding anything.

At first, he used both arms to hold the baby, but whether because his hands were too big or the baby was too small, it felt rather uncomfortable. Supporting the baby with just one arm felt more stable.

The baby, who was about to cry loudly, stopped and looked up at Ki Tae-jeong with eyes cleared of tears. Perhaps because the baby had been about to cry, his eyes sparkled intensely.

When with Sehwa, he deliberately didn’t bring up topics about the child. He didn’t ask to see it, nor did he inquire about related matters. Although he had insisted to General Oh Seon-ran on covering the expenses for the child in the protected room, even this Sehwa didn’t know about.

It wasn’t just him biting his lips on this subject. Sehwa also didn’t let him into the bedroom. He would leave him in the living room for a moment while checking on the child inside, but there was never an invitation for him to come in.

Sehwa doesn’t want to break this current peace. It was still difficult to share honest feelings, and even if they started, it would eventually flow into condemnation towards him. That was inevitable and natural. Because Sehwa had done nothing wrong.

If the conversation went that way, Sehwa would cry again, and he would loathe himself for it. While he was willing to listen to Sehwa repeat the same words over and over, it was difficult for him to endure it. He was learning from recent interactions with Sehwa that even encouraging open venting could be another form of violence to someone with many wounds.

So these days, the two of them were trying their best to cut out any difficult or uncomfortable topics.

“Today is the last day. I can’t hold you anymore after this. This is secretly holding you too, you know.” 

As he whispered softly, the baby smacked its lips as if in response. With the baby’s cheek slightly pressed against his firm chest, it looked so cute that he wanted to immediately call Sehwa, urging him to come see this face, forgetting the situation.

“Why did you wake up when you were sleeping so well?”

The baby just blinked with a smiling face. Even knowing this wasn’t a response of recognition and empathy, Ki Tae-jeong kept talking to the child.

“They say it’s not good to get used to human touch…”

Even when the baby was just a hologram in the maternity handbook, it would cry loudly when he carelessly threw the handbook. The baby only smiled when he clumsily tickled its face with his finger. Just a virtual data.

It wasn’t something to dismiss just because it was a well-designed hologram. Watching the baby cry for no reason and then smile brightly as soon as it was held by him, it seemed quite related.

Staying silent felt like it might bore the child, but constantly talking to himself seemed even stranger… As he was awkwardly pacing around the bedroom, running out of things to say to the child, the clock alarm went off.

Briefly shaking his wrist to activate the window, the movements of the sitter who had gone to fetch supplies floated up. It showed in detail who was with him and the status of radio communications in the vicinity. A report had also been sent to General Oh Seon-ran, and a message from Captain Park about the progress of background checks on the sitters came in promptly.

As Ki Tae-jeong looked at the map, he moved towards the baby’s bed. He needed to lay this little one back down before the sitter returned… The feeling of the baby sticking to his hand like rice cake dough was only regretful.

But he couldn’t ask to see the baby anymore…

Partly because he felt sorry for the nasty things he had said to Sehwa at the port, but also because he didn’t want his attitude to seem like it was because of the baby. He wanted Sehwa to feel that he was apologizing to him regardless of any external factors, that he sincerely wanted forgiveness.

He wanted him to know that even in this situation, he still loved him, that he was shamelessly trying to win back his love, but it shouldn’t be misunderstood as clinging to his wanting to become a family. It wasn’t that he wanted his to accept him inevitably because of the child.

He was a person with more greed than Sehwa could imagine.

“Brigadier General?”

As he was unable to detach Sehwa’s miniature from his arms and just staring at the orderly footprints in the hologram, the front door opened abruptly and Sehwa’s voice was heard unexpectedly.

“The shoes are here… Brigadier, I mean, Major General?”

Sehwa’s confused voice wandered through the kitchen and living room, seemingly unable to imagine he would be in the bedroom. Ki Tae-jeong bit the inside of his cheek hard as he hurriedly but carefully put the baby down. He put on his uniform jacket that had been hanging on the baby bed railing and was quickly buttoning it up when the eyes of the little one lying down became worryingly watery.

“What are you doing he…”

“Waaah!”

Just as Sehwa finally discovered him and entered the bedroom with a puzzled look, the baby, who had been abruptly laid on the bed without knowing why, burst into loud cries.