M 147

Hmm, ridiculously enough, Sehwa himself might actually go along with it without a fuss. If he said that there was no one home today, so let’s set the mood, he might just go along with it. It might be different once they actually did it, but he didn’t feel that much resistance right now.

This would be a bit strange, wouldn’t it? It wasn’t that long ago that Sehwa couldn’t even make eye contact with him and just trembled. But just after a few months, to think that having sex wouldn’t matter… it definitely doesn’t seem normal.

Whenever a lingering image attacked him like an ambush, Sehwa couldn’t even hold his spoon properly and would spill all the food he was eating, and it was common for him to stammer several times because he couldn’t say a single sentence properly, but now it was so natural for him to have a normal conversation with that man without any rough edges. Wasn’t this a bit fast? He had been confused not long ago, but today he was actually worrying about whether he was going to have sex.

His thoughts chased each other’s tails, spreading out like soft vines. Then. If that was the case, and he was okay with having sex with Ki Tae-jeong, then when would it be okay for him to fully accept him?

Sehwa pressed his index fingertip with his thumb. Under the pressure, the white crescent of his nail repeatedly emerged and shrank back. He wasn’t the one who had done anything wrong, so why was he worrying about when he could be forgiven? Even though he was working hard to recover, the world, life, was full of difficult things. He just wished someone would tell him… that it was okay to be intimate with that man now, that it was okay to have sex, that it was okay to ask him to be a little more affectionate and to indulge in his whims…

“Ah…!”

“What, what is it?”

“Oh, no. I accidentally scratched too hard…”

Because he had put so much force into it, the top of his thumbnail peeled off thinly like pastry. Sehwa slipped both hands under his thighs and looked around at the side mirror, pretending not to notice. He could feel Ki Tae-jeong staring at his profile, but he stubbornly pretended not to notice. At the same time that the scorching gaze slowly withdrew, Sehwa’s shoulders slumped. His body and mind shrank endlessly, like the air being let out of a balloon that had been inflated to the fullest.

He didn’t know how he had come to think about this. He was just going to have a meal with Ki Tae-jeong outside.

Sehwa rested his head against the headrest and stared out the window. On the tinted window, which was coated with new technology that he didn’t even know the name of, his face, which was too skinny and shabby, was superimposed on the face of a beautiful woman. It was like hanging two extremely mismatched pictures side by side, so Sehwa hesitated and lowered his eyes.

…Hmm. Maybe he wasn’t making demands because he had no desire to.

Sehwa knew well which aspects of himself Ki Tae-jeong had particularly liked. His young, soft skin, his buttocks that at least had some flesh. Sehwa pressed his cheek firmly under the pretense of wiping his nose. He felt nothing. Just that he still felt skinny? Maybe that’s why he told him to gain some weight. He probably didn’t want to touch a body like this…

After worrying about inexplicable emotional ups and downs, suddenly facing a problem with such clear cause and answer left his feeling hollow. Then Ki Tae-jeong… how long could he endure? Without even attempting a kiss, let alone penetration, how long could he keep giving in to him and feeling sorry?

“You’re not cold, right?”

“What? Yes…”

Ki Tae-jeong still had his gaze fixed on the hologram. Sehwa opened and closed his lips several times, then turned his eyes to his pale hand.

The familiar depression that had shown no signs recently was grinning beneath his feet, opening its black maw.

“Lee Sehwa. We’ve arrived.”

Sehwa’s eyes snapped open at Ki Tae-jeong’s low whispered voice and the click of the seatbelt clip. When did he fall asleep? Sehwa pressed his cheeks firmly with the back of his hand and tidied his slightly flattened hair. Having just woken up, as he tried to open the car door with unfocused eyes, he was horrified by the people glimpsed beyond the car window. Several staff members were standing in a row waiting for them, unable even to lift their heads. It was a sight that completely blew away all of Sehwa’s anxiety about kangaroo care with Ki Tae-jeong, no, about sex and such things.

“Did I sleep for a long time? Even after we arrived?”

“Not that long. A little over 30 minutes?”

“You should have just woken me up…”

Embarrassed, he tried to rush out, but the car door slid open without him even needing to put any strength into his grip.

“It’s an honor to serve such distinguished guests.”

A waiting staff member approached first and bowed politely. The extreme courtesy of gripping the car door handle and bowing deeply was not just bewildering but uncomfortable. Even the department store staff who had followed Ki Tae-jeong and the 5-star hospital he visited daily didn’t welcome them so elaborately.

“We came without a reservation. Is dining possible?”

It seemed only he found this situation uncomfortable. Ki Tae-jeong naturally commanded the people who were serving them with a jerk of his chin.

“Of course, Major General.”

“Have you been here before?”

How do they recognize him immediately? Curious, he asked in a lowered voice, and Ki Tae-jeong calmly pointed to the rank insignia hanging on his chest. While doing so, he narrowed only one eye, and his mischievous expression was so particularly beautiful that Sehwa bit his lips to hide his groaning sound.

“We’re terribly sorry for the inadequate reception. Do you have any particular menu preferences?”

“Well. We didn’t decide before coming.”

Seeing that only one person was dressed differently, was that person the owner? Looking at the name tag, it seemed right.

“If you don’t have anything specific in mind, may we prepare the dishes that our restaurant is most confident in?”

“Do as this person wishes.”

“I see. And for you, sir…”

“Oh, I’m fine with anything. I eat everything well, so please take care of it.”

“Yes. Then we’ll escort you inside right away.”

The owner extended his arm toward the interior. The valet parking attendant, the staff standing in front, everyone repeatedly expressed their honor and bowed again.

Sehwa pressed down on the stretched neckline of his T-shirt with his palm and slightly hunched his shoulders. When he saw soldiers saluting Ki Tae-jeong in unison, it hadn’t felt this uncomfortable. Seeing ordinary people trembling as soon as they spotted his rank insignia made him feel somewhat uneasy. These weren’t people with instinctive fear that those in power might harm them, but people who admired and yearned for rank differences, holding them in awe. And people like this were highly likely to try to trample on those below them.

Since it was said to be a famous restaurant in 5-star territory, he had been somewhat prepared. Perhaps because it was a place where people of a certain rank or higher gathered, 5-star residents tended to be much more sensitive to every element that distinguished one’s status. In such circumstances, it was natural that they’d want to make a good impression when an officer, and a Major General of the Air Force at that, visited. Still, he hadn’t expected it to be a place that made him this uncomfortable… The fact that this restaurant was famous might mean that there were many people who preferred this kind of atmosphere.

From the staff who had gathered like clouds, he could feel their firm resolve to use Ki Tae-jeong to greatly enhance their reputation, and their willingness to submit themselves to achieve that goal. Even though Ki Tae-jeong hadn’t ordered such treatment, seeing these people endlessly lowering their position reminded him of Boss Son from long ago, and made his taste bitter seeing himself reflected in them.

“The guys below recommended it so much that I remembered it.”

I didn’t know it would have such a fucked up, no, strange atmosphere. Ki Tae-jeong, who whispered quietly, also didn’t look pleased. Though he was expressionless as usual, a very faint sulky look flitted across his face. It was that childlike aspect of the man that secretly made Sehwa smile these days.

Had Ki Tae-jeong thought he should come here together because it was supposedly a popular dating spot, even though it wasn’t his taste? Watching this man who feared nothing in the world grudgingly endure, the thin ice that had been forming in his heart from the staff’s uncomfortable service melted away smoothly.

Childlike… Sehwa ruminated on the impression he’d had while looking at Ki Tae-jeong earlier.

Come to think of it, lately both Ki Tae-jeong and he often described each other as childlike. While Ki Tae-jeong might just find it fun to tease him, for him the word “childlike” could never be an insult. How could he use such a word as a curse when he had Hae-rim?

Sehwa recalled the pitch-black depression that had been stickily climbing up his ankle just before he dozed off, then quietly shook his head. While being swept away by depression without a chance to guard against it was unavoidable, there was no need to deliberately keep chewing over topics that made him feel depressed.

Right, Ki Tae-jeong hadn’t said anything yet. He was the man who said whatever Sehwa did would be more normal than him. He could listen to what he planned to do after eating, and if the topic of sex came up, he could answer honestly. Whether he liked it or not, since he hadn’t had the leisure to even consider such things, if he said he wasn’t sure… wouldn’t Ki Tae-jeong give him an answer as he always did?