M 155

‘…Please get home safely.’

Perhaps because he saw traces of Ki Tae-jeong’s past self in his anger, Sehwa cowered and just watched his mood carefully. Ki Tae-jeong belatedly thought he should have been gentler in his approach, but he still wanted to make it clear. If there were ever guys who approached him like that, he should scream unconditionally and call him first. That this wasn’t a world where peaceful and kind solutions like apologies would work.

‘Then in situations like that… how should I… elevate myself? Even strangers who see me for the first time think, ‘Oh, he must be here to sell his body,’ and misunderstand…’

And Sehwa ended up crying again.

‘I was going to call you right away, but they said the owner was coming soon… If I called you and made a big deal out of it… the one who’d hear bad things and suffer from rumors wouldn’t be me… it would be you, Major General… so….’

‘…’

‘Just… couldn’t you say that I tried my best in that situation too… that I endured well without crying?’

‘…’

”Were you surprised, you must have been very scared,’ instead of scolding me, couldn’t you say something like that…?’

Perhaps Sehwa didn’t even know how to properly get angry. When something like this happened, demanding an apology from the other party might have been the most adult and ideal method that young Sehwa could think of.

Ki Tae-jeong only realized this after Sehwa had shed tears.

He should have noticed. He, who had broken Lee Sehwa’s will the most and most painfully, should have been able to read his past and his intentions hidden in his demand for an apology from the staff. If not others, at least he should have done so. He should have at least comforted him by asking if he was okay, as Sehwa had said.

He thought they were getting along well, but he had ruined it again. No, maybe the idea that they were getting along well was just his own thinking.

Like that time at the hospital, watching Sehwa’s crouched back as he finally let out his tears freely as soon as he entered the building, Ki Tae-jeong stood as if nailed to the spot. Until dawn passed, the red glow of sunrise colored his feet, and a complete blue morning came. Like that, continuously.

“Captain Park.”

“Yes.”

“What happened to the restaurant staff? The bastards who laid hands on Sehwa directly.”

“Ah, I heard they hired lawyers along with the boss.”

“Is it Colonel Park’s orders?”

“Not Colonel Park, but arranged by that entertainment company CEO who’s supposedly his son-in-law. Since Colonel Park has admitted to some relationship with Colonel Kim, it won’t be of any use.”

Captain Park carefully asked if there was any particular punishment he wanted. What was there to ask? Just as he was about to order them all to be thrown into the same place where that bastard Colonel Kim was groveling, a long vibration rang out. With an annoyed mind, Ki Tae-jeong just moved his eyes to glance at the screen, then bolted upright from where he’d been leaning against the backrest. The heavy chair toppled backward with a crash. He didn’t care what broke or shattered. It was a call from Sehwa.

“Yeah.”

– M-Major General…

“…Are you crying?”

Wasn’t that too fast to answer? His worries became meaningless. At Sehwa’s voice, thick with tears, his already complicated mind felt like it would explode. Why are you crying alone again?

“What’s wrong?”

– Hae, Hae-rim…

“Hae-rim? What about Hae-rim?”

Perhaps sensing something serious, the adjutants also tensed up and stood from their seats. Captain Park and Warrant Officer Choi hurriedly made radio calls to arrange vehicles and helicopters.

– Hae, sob, hic…

“It’s okay, I’m not rushing you, so speak slowly.”

Taking a moment to catch his breath, Sehwa slowly continued.

– Hae-rim…

“Yes, Hae-rim.”

– Sob, has a high, fever… I’m at the hospital alone right now…

“Got it, I’ll come right away.”

– The hospital I always go to, sob, that one… Ah, how I got here was… I asked the security if they had a car…

Though it was rambling and mixed with tears making it hard to understand, it seemed he had asked a security guard for help to get to the hospital he usually went to.

“Right. You did well.”

Repeatedly praising him for doing well despite being very scared, Ki Tae-jeong crumpled the stacked documents in his hand as if sweeping them up and kicked his chair away. He had deliberately not visited thinking he’d find it hard to see his face, but if he’d known this would happen, he should have knocked on his door several times.

“Did you see a doctor?”

“Not yet… the, waiting room. The waiting room that officers use…”

As he gently comforted him, Sehwa’s crying, which had subsided more than before, echoed in his ears.

“I’ll be there very soon too.”

– …Yes.

“I can really get there very quickly. You know that, right?”

It was an empty statement with no solution to be found. Even though it was fragmented and incomplete sentences here and there, Lee Sehwa kindly agreed. There was a sound of wet cheeks rubbing against the screen surface, letting him know that he was nodding his head vigorously.

Was this the kind of comfort Lee Sehwa had wanted a few days ago…? It probably was. Ki Tae-jeong swallowed a sigh while holding his forehead. Why is it that I only clearly see the mistakes I made after you end up crying alone? Why is my realization always a beat too late?

“Should we stay on the phone until I get there?”

– No, the doctor… when the doctor comes, I need to listen to what they say…

“Right, call me immediately if anything happens.”

– Yes…

He felt terrible that the baby was so sick he had to be taken away in an ambulance, and his heart ached even more thinking about Sehwa being all alone and flustered. And yet, in the midst of all this, he was also a little happy that Sehwa had reached out to him in the midst of all that, that he had called him directly this time. He could only feel sorry to Lee Sehwa for letting a bastard like him stay by his side.

***

“Baaaa! Booo, waaah!”

Perhaps enjoying the sudden outing, Hae-rim smiled brightly while flailing his hands. Holding the pink fingertips that looked like jelly soaked in water, Sehwa kept clearing his throat awkwardly.

“…Ahem, I’m sorry.”

“For what? It’s fortunate it wasn’t serious.”

Ki Tae-jeong had even called Captain Na. Only after receiving confirmation that there was nothing wrong with the baby did he come out of the emergency room.

“Have you… eaten?”

“Yeah, have you?”

“I had… a little earlier…”

The man who smoothed back his well-combed hair showed slight fatigue. It had been a while. Though it was only a few days, since they had met every day after discharge, Ki Tae-jeong’s absence felt awkward, and the reunion was even more awkward.

How should he explain what happened in the parking lot that day? Should he say they fought…?

When Sehwa closed the car door and got out, Ki Tae-jeong didn’t try to stop him. He didn’t follow him home, didn’t visit the next day or the day after. He didn’t send messages or call, but only sent up grand packaged meals and gifts of unknown purpose through the security guards.

If only he would visit, if only he would contact him, he would gather courage to apologize too. Sehwa wanted to say he knew his depression, which still had a long way to go, had confused him, and that he was sorry for being petulant and whining… But Ki Tae-jeong was just pouring unwanted gifts on him. He didn’t need these kinds of things… Though his head ached looking at the growing tower of shopping bags, now that he knew this was Ki Tae-jeong’s way of apologizing and his way of being affectionate, it was hard to refuse outright.

He was just sighing while looking at the packed items when the baby lying on his chest suddenly made retching sounds. Sehwa, who was about to call the sitter in panic, briefly panicked when he realized he had sent everyone away with the excuse of wanting to rest alone.

When he checked what he had thrown up, it was a small amount of milk, so he finally felt a little relieved and wiped his wet mouth. The memory of the first day Hae-rim vomited was still vivid. While both he and Ki Tae-jeong were slightly frozen in surprise, the sitter had laughed, saying this level of vomiting was common in babies. However, he had said that if the frequency of vomiting increased and he developed a fever, they should immediately rush to the hospital.

Remembering the sitter’s advice, Sehwa took the child’s temperature just in case and was stunned by an incredible number he had never seen before.

‘Hae, Hae-rim…’

Is this… is this possible? This doesn’t seem like just a high fever level? While he didn’t know what to do, Hae-rim vomited once more. This time it was clear liquid.

From then on, he couldn’t think of anything. He couldn’t possibly stay calm. All the childcare videos and books Sehwa had seen repeatedly emphasized how fatal high fever could be for babu. It must have been explained because it could happen, but he never thought it would happen to his child. Especially such an impossible number… He seemed to have let his guard down because the child had never been sick before. Hae-rim was always good, pretty, and healthy.

He didn’t know with what presence of mind he ran to the security guard asking to be taken to the hospital. He felt sorry and sorry again, thinking that after becoming a father, he had been neglectful of the child while being absorbed in his own emotions.

‘Waaaah!’

No matter how gentle Hae-rim was, he was still an infant. With strangers crowding around and his father making sharp sounds, perhaps feeling anxious too, the child finally burst into loud tears. If his fever goes up more from this, it would be terrible… Holding the tearful Hae-rim tightly in his arms to comfort him, Sehwa regretted everything.

He felt pathetic for sending away the professional sitter just because he wanted to rest alone, and frustrated that as a father, he couldn’t do anything alone and was panicking like this.

As soon as they arrived at the hospital, he completed registration through the manager and sat in the officers’ waiting room, and only then did tears burst out.

What if it’s a serious illness? What if he suddenly changed to a strange constitution because of me? If that’s the case, then I…

Sehwa cried and fumbled with the phone screen he had somehow managed to bring. Going into recent call records, he pressed anywhere. There was no need to check who it was. It was all filled with Ki Tae-jeong’s name anyway.

– Right. You did well.

Ki Tae-jeong, who suddenly received the call, comforted him with a gentle voice. What was so commendable about running to the hospital relying on security guards rather than being alone? He kept showering him with praise.

– Should we stay on the phone until I get there?