M 157

Sehwa lifted his eyes that had been wandering aimlessly and looked at Ki Tae-jeong. No, he tried to look at him. Unable to face him directly, he fixed his gaze around his chin area. Even though he must have heard his words, there was no response from him.

“With me, and Hae-rim… let’s all go together.”

Once he had said it, the rest wasn’t so difficult. Sehwa spoke once more with emphasis. Like when he had told the staff to apologize, he clearly articulated his decision.

He wanted to be with Ki Tae-jeong. Even without his suggestion, he had wanted to for a long time already.

“…”

Strange. He thought he’d be happy… Why isn’t he saying anything? Belatedly rolling his eyes, Sehwa only realized how one-sided he had been after seeing his blank face.

“Ah… if you don’t like the residence… it’s fine to come to our house too. I just…”

As the embarrassed Sehwa fluttered about busily, only then did Ki Tae-jeong smile faintly.

“…Alright. Let’s go.”

Ki Tae-jeong muttered once more as if savoring the afterglow.

“You, and Hae-rim. Together.”

Each time he slowly blinked, various emotions filled up densely. Ki Tae-jeong was happy, yet also in pain. He was grateful and also sorry. He wanted to kiss him right away while seeming to regret something from the past, and then despaired again. While trembling with joy, he somehow seemed to want to cry a little too. Sehwa’s pupils swayed along with his. It felt like his fluctuating heart was being transmitted to him completely.

“Let’s all go together.”

Sehwa pushed away the tears that formed without his knowing and nodded his head firmly.

Ki Tae-jeong held his forehead with an expression that was unclear whether he was smiling or sighing. After staying like that for a moment with his eyes closed, he swept back his hair and gestured forward with his chin. In Ki Tae-jeong’s deep pupils, emotions that were difficult to fathom still rippled. Sehwa knew well how to express such a complexly colored heart in one word. It was love.

***

Neither evening nor yet night, an ambiguous time when sunset and darkness were intertwined. The road from the hospital to Ki Tae-jeong’s residence was the same as before.

Was it too impulsive a decision? Since familiar buildings began to appear, Sehwa’s gaze wouldn’t lift from the floor.

“I can turn the car around anytime.”

When the announcement that they were approaching their destination flowed out, Ki Tae-jeong spoke. It was the first time he had opened his mouth since getting in the car. His silence was closer to respect than neglect, so it wasn’t uncomfortable during the ride. In fact, he didn’t have the mental capacity to observe Ki Tae-jeong’s reactions.

“Here or after going inside. There’s no need to force yourself to endure if it’s difficult.”

He couldn’t tell what expression Ki Tae-jeong was making since his head was down. But hearing him say that made him feel lighter. Deciding to stay at the residence for one day was just one of many options. Even if he backed away, nothing would happen. If today was too much, he could come another day… He wouldn’t be scolded for getting scared and running away. When his thoughts reached that point, by the time the engine turned off, he could slightly lift his eyes that had been cast down.

“…Huh?”

Sehwa, who had raised his head stealthily while shrinking his neck like a turtle, ended up letting out a strange scream from being so surprised. At the shrill sound like a cat whose tail had been stepped on, Hae-rim, who had been half-asleep, was startled and began whimpering.

“It’s changed a bit, hasn’t it?”

Holding Hae-rim who was whining with a face covered in sleepiness, Ki Tae-jeong gestured with his chin. It was the same smooth face as usual, but there was a slight awkwardness felt in his hesitating lips.

“A bit, you say…”

That’s because the residence had changed too much.

“Is this why you kept asking us to move here…?”

It wasn’t the space he remembered, so there was no room for trauma to resurface. The exterior divided into achromatic colors remained the same, but various colors had been cast over it, making it look like a newly built house at first glance.

In the desolate yard that had only been covered with grass, short trees were lined up closely together, and a small glass greenhouse full of flowers could be seen in the back. There was also a bench with warm colors that preserved the wood grain and a small child’s chair with a baby elephant drawn on it.

Sehwa, who had followed Ki Tae-jeong into the entrance in a daze, unconsciously let out an “ah,” an admiration close to a sigh. The interior was even more amazing. Inside was all soft cream color. Though bright enough to lighten one’s vision, it didn’t feel cold. He didn’t know what material it was, but the tiles on the floor were warm yet solid, so it seemed like there would be no chance of slipping even by accident.

What was more surprising was that all the edges of the furniture were round as if cut with scissors. It didn’t seem like silicone or something was attached, but rather ordered to be finished in this form from the production stage.

“Wow…”

“Wooahh…”

Following his surprise, Hae-rim also babbled softly. Ki Tae-jeong played a silly trick by putting his finger in and out of the baby’s mouth that was open like a diamond shape. Finding it so funny, Hae-rim laughed loudly, making sounds like he was out of breath.

“When did you start doing all this…”

Sehwa’s gaze as he looked around the living room stopped abruptly at the large room where medical equipment used to be placed.

“Right, this is where… that…”

The place where he learned his constitution had changed? The room where simple tests were done? Not knowing what to call it, he mumbled, but Ki Tae-jeong, who understood well, briefly nodded his head.

Anyway, that room had been transformed into a baby room. On one wall with light sky-blue wallpaper, a large pastel rainbow that looked like it had been dipped in and pulled out of milk was painted. The short white shelves scattered around looked like clouds, and the star and planet decorations hanging from the ceiling were delicately crafted as if they were real. Looking at it this way, he couldn’t remember at all what had happened here.

“Oh…”

In the only tall display case, he could glimpse familiar items. They were the childcare products he had bought in bulk at the hospital’s banquet hall, which didn’t match Hae-rim’s age in months.

He did remember him saying he had moved them to the residence then, but he didn’t know he still had them. Looking at the items displayed inside with a sense of novelty, Sehwa narrowed his eyes when he saw a small object hidden behind the equipment. This is definitely…

Approaching the glass case with a hopeful heart, he became certain. The toe of the baby shoe he had thrown at Ki Tae-jeong saying such things weren’t needed was sticking out. Since this was a sudden visit, he wouldn’t have deliberately taken it out for him to see. The baby shoe that wasn’t perfectly hidden but awkwardly sticking out… Had Ki Tae-jeong continued to look at these shoes even after that day? Taking them out to touch them, then awkwardly hiding them in the back… Had he repeated this?

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh, these… the things here don’t seem usable anymore…”

“I suppose not.”

Ki Tae-jeong replied indifferently while laying Hae-rim on the bed. He seemed unaware that he had discovered the shoes. Should he pretend to know? After hesitating several times, Sehwa decided to stay quiet for now. Today he had barely stepped inside the quarters… wouldn’t the day come soon when he could talk about this comfortably?

“Hae-rim vomited after drinking formula, right?”

“Yes? Oh, yes… If he wakes up hungry later, I think it’s okay to give it to him then.”

Though he looked around here and there with big eyes out of curiosity, the baby who was tired from moving to various places today soon fell fast asleep.

“Sleep well. Even in a strange place.”

“Right.”

Sehwa held the bed rail and carefully looked around the baby room for a while. A place where childcare products that could no longer be used were placed together with a baby gym that seemed recently purchased. This space where time stopped at some point and the present were tangled together seemed like a condensed version of his relationship with Ki Tae-jeong.

“…I think I know why Hae-rim sleeps well.”

“Why?”

“Well, here…”

Because it’s full of the Major General’s scent. Sehwa, who was about to answer like that without thinking, came to his senses belatedly and pressed his lips shut. Since the room was full of the scent of the person who hugged him every day, Hae-rim probably didn’t feel it was entirely unfamiliar. Even he felt like he was being held in his arms…

“Here, what?”

“Yes? Oh, um… there seem to be quite a few familiar things…”

“Anyway, all of Hae-rim’s things in the mansion were bought by me.”

“…I think about half of those were bought by General Oh Seon-ran…”

When he timidly retorted, Ki Tae-jeong laughed as if incredulous.

He no longer smelled of strong cigars. Though his favorite cologne was still there, at some point his body scent had become mixed with various impurities. Scents like the formula Hae-rim drank, hand wash placed in the bathroom, or fabric softener, the fragrance of life that could only be shared by people living under the same roof was richly present.

He hadn’t thought about it before, but once he became conscious of it, his face suddenly flushed with heat.

“The sitter will come soon, so give Hae-rim his vitamins.”

“Ah… oh, yes! Here.”

Sehwa handed Ki Tae-jeong the pharmacy bag he had been carrying on his wrist. It was vitamins for newborns to be mixed with formula. Before departing for the residences, he had stopped by the pharmacy in the hospital to buy some necessary items while Ki Tae-jeong bought formula at the small mart right next to it. And then at the pharmacy, secretly from Ki Tae-jeong…

“Lee Sehwa.”

Ki Tae-jeong snapped his fingers right in front of Sehwa’s eyes.