M 158

“Oh… sorry. What did you say?”

“I told you to tell me if it’s difficult.”

“Yes…? Oh, no… I’m fine.”

Perhaps interpreting his momentary daze differently, Ki Tae-jeong examined Sehwa with a serious expression.

“I’m fine, just a little tired…”

Clutching the item in his pocket tightly, Sehwa smiled awkwardly.

“Um, sorry, but may I wash up? I’m tired and…”

Though it was an excuse, he really did need to wash. He had sweated a lot from running around holding the baby, and one shoulder was damp with Hae-rim’s drool. Sehwa slightly turned his head and sniffed. Was it because he had been conscious of Ki Tae-jeong’s scent until just now? Unlike him, he seemed to smell the sour odor of vomit…

“You can rest in that room over there. It has a bathroom inside, and all the basic necessities are there.”

Ki Tae-jeong, who had been looking Sehwa up and down with narrow eyes, seemed unable to find anything to criticize and soon gestured toward the opposite side.

“Oh, there’s a place like this too?”

“…No. I made it for you to use when you came. I couldn’t have you rest in the guest room.”

“Wow, you must have been preparing for a really long time…”

Though he had admired it purely, Ki Tae-jeong narrowed his eyes and turned his head sharply. Did he take it as teasing? Still, it was strange that he didn’t respond at all, and he seemed a bit embarrassed, which made Sehwa feel awkward instead.

“Anyway, when the sitter comes, I’ll hand Hae-rim over, and I’ll be upstairs…”

After repeatedly running his hands through his hair for no reason, Ki Tae-jeong paused for a moment.

“…I’ll do some work upstairs and then sleep.”

Upstairs… Sehwa unconsciously stared beyond the door. The stairs that were barely visible looked completely different from before. However, Ki Tae-jeong didn’t seem to have any intention of showing him the upstairs spaces, such as his bedroom or the guest room where Sehwa had previously stayed.

“Rest.”

Instead of saying sleep well or that he’d be going, Ki Tae-jeong always said that. At ease or rest. They said it was an order that only superiors among soldiers could give. Among his square-cut language, it was the only word with a soft and long ending. Forced tenderness. Affection stubbornly pressed in for him to see. The command to rest somehow seemed to resemble Ki Tae-jeong himself, Sehwa thought anew.

“Then, um, I’ll go…”

“…Right.”

They exchanged creaky greetings and turned away. Sehwa deliberately ignored the sticky gaze following the back of his head and walked in the direction he had pointed. This time too, Ki Tae-jeong only watched but didn’t bother to stop him.

Were they really going to sleep separately like this… Actually, even if not to the point of bodies intertwining, shouldn’t there be something? He had been arbitrarily assuming this during the entire car ride. At the very least, wouldn’t they share some thoughts about the residence at his small bar at the end of the kitchen?

When Sehwa opened the door with a restless heart, a sweet cotton scent poured out. This place, whose purpose had been unclear, had been transformed into a cozy bedroom. The warm lighting and bright-colored bedding were similar to the living room, and the cute decorations seemed to be a set with those in the baby room. It might be a strange comparison, but this bedroom felt like a bridge connecting the living room and baby room.

As Ki Tae-jeong had said, there was nothing missing in the room. The small refrigerator was full of water bottles, some snacks, and juice, and the closet was equipped with fluffy robes, pajamas, and even simply designed loungewear.

Sehwa held the thick robe sleeve and rubbed it slightly. Come to think of it, the bench and chair that were outside… they were probably for him and Hae-rim, right? Hae-rim couldn’t even crawl yet, but Ki Tae-jeong already prepared a chair.

While filling the bathtub with water and roughly washing his top at the sink, Sehwa unconsciously let out a quiet laugh. It was amazing how utterly unaffected he felt, and thinking of Ki Tae-jeong who had completely renovated the quarters to make it possible kept making him laugh.

The living room was one thing, but it was amazing that even the baby room and this bedroom showed signs of regular maintenance. When had he started preparing? It didn’t seem like something done in just a day or two… Though it was hard to imagine Ki Tae-jeong carefully selecting items and giving maintenance instructions, it wasn’t a bad feeling anyway.

He hung the washed clothes on the sink, and Sehwa sank deep into the bathtub with only his eyes showing. Submerged in hot water, he stared at the pajamas and robe placed on the stool for a long time. Everything seemed different now. He tried to recall trembling with only one gown allowed in Ki Tae-jeong’s makeshift office, but he could only think that such a time had existed and no longer felt sad. Whether it was okay to accept that person so quickly, even such worries now felt useless and forced. When he wasn’t sure, he used to deliberately ruminate on bad days with him, but now…

After hesitating for a while, Sehwa dried his body with a towel and took out the medicine he had hidden in his pants pocket. It was contraceptive pills that he had picked up while hesitating during the purchase of Hae-rim’s vitamins.

If he took two pills first and then one more 30 minutes later, it was said that it could prevent pregnancy with a 100% probability in men. The pharmacist had kindly explained the principle, but at the time, he hadn’t heard anything. He didn’t know what he was thinking when he looked for the contraceptive pill, and he was anxiously stomping his feet, afraid that Ki Tae-jeong would see him, so he quickly paid and ran out.

He swallowed the tasteless pills and crushed just the corner of the towel while looking at his watch. As soon as 30 minutes passed, he put the remaining pill in his mouth and entered the shower booth.

After washing thoroughly everywhere and shaking his wet hair with a towel, he noticed his toes reddened from the heat. Of course, Ki Tae-jeong might refuse. But if he was really going to have sex with him… then wouldn’t a little more preparation be needed? Since he was someone who didn’t hesitate to suck even his toes…

Hesitating, Sehwa entered the shower booth again. He squeezed out more shower gel than before and rubbed various places thoroughly once more. He traced places where foam had washed away with his finger to check the feeling, and even unnecessarily buried his nose and sniffed… After wandering around aimlessly, he finally brought his hand to his buttock when he could no longer postpone it.

He had forgotten about the act itself, so he didn’t feel anything. Even when he gently rubbed the wrinkles, the tightly closed hole didn’t seem to want to open. Ki Tae-jeong would make him wet right away. Was it because he was touching it with a watery hand instead of gel or oil? It even felt drier….

Still awkwardly sticking out his buttocks and struggling for a while, Sehwa straightened his back with a puzzled expression. Strange. Every time he was examined, the results showed he had a constitution capable of pregnancy… Then shouldn’t it get wet on its own with just stimulation? He tried for a while longer but only succeeded in barely pushing in his index finger, which was really just washing cleanly rather than loosening up.

Still concerned, he washed his hair and body several more times. When he came out of the shower booth, his fingers were wrinkled and swollen. Looking at the clock while drying off, three hours had already passed.

Shocked, Sehwa hurriedly put on his underwear and threw on the robe over it. Though it was a bit oversized, the material was so fluffy that it would be uncomfortable if too tight, so this seemed just right.

“…Maybe it would be better to go naked.”

What should I do? After pondering for a while while holding the band of his underwear, Sehwa decided to keep it on since he didn’t have the confidence to go up to the second floor with nothing on his lower half. He grasped the door handle when the moisture on the top of his head had almost dried. Ridiculously, he was much more excited thinking about standing in front of Ki Tae-jeong while clutching his underwear than when he had spread his buttocks and inserted his finger.

Sneaking out to the living room, he saw that Hae-rim must have fallen asleep as the baby room door was half-closed. After awkwardly bowing silently to the sitter who poked his head out sensing his presence, Sehwa looked around the darkened living room. If he went straight this way, there would be a large dining table. Past the arched structure was the bar where Ki Tae-jeong used to drink, and over there was…

Sehwa traced the barely findable traces of the past, then stepped toward the stairs as if he had made up his mind. Unlike before, there was something like a soft rug laid over it, so fortunately he could reduce the sound of his footsteps.

Because Hae-rim shouldn’t wake up. He made such an excuse while holding his breath, but more than that, he didn’t want to be caught by Ki Tae-jeong. Because when he stood in front of the door, he might think it absolutely wouldn’t work. While living with big and small depressions, somehow his impulses seemed to have grown stronger while his sense of responsibility had dulled. Looking at how he prepared to run away timidly with an ‘or not’ attitude.