M 164

“Drink a little water and then sleep.”

Sehwa, who had been nodding off while sitting up, barely managed to accept the glass of water. His eyelids felt incredibly heavy. Using the excuse that the sheets were damp and they couldn’t sleep there, Ki Tae-jeong had carried him down to the bedroom on the first floor.

As expected, they did it again while washing. He said he didn’t have any information about contraceptive pills, so he wouldn’t do penetration, but it felt like they did everything else except that. The last thing Sehwa remembered was holding onto the sink and sobbing while being rimmed.

“Mm…”

Ki Tae-jeong wore the most radiant expression Sehwa had seen recently as he seriously read the instruction manual for the contraceptive pills Sehwa had taken.

“Are there bad ingredients?”

“It’s more about the combination than the ingredients. Anyway, guaranteeing a hundred percent probability means your body has to bear that much more burden too.”

Taking a crisp bite of an apple, Ki Tae-jeong casually rummaged through the case.

“Don’t take pills carelessly from now on. I’ll look into other methods.”

“But…”

“Do you want to have a second child before we’re even married?”

“Ma-marriage?”

“What, after accepting that certificate, you don’t want to?”

As if he wouldn’t allow any resistance, Ki Tae-jeong tore off a piece of apple and forced it into Sehwa’s mouth. The juice stung his sore lips, but chewing something cool and tart made him feel more alive than before. When he swallowed it properly, Ki Tae-jeong fed him several more pieces of fruit.

“By the way, Major General, you really… love apples.”

When Sehwa asked while chewing, Ki Tae-jeong tilted his head to the side, saying “Do I?”

“Mm. It’s true I seek them out regularly, but I don’t think I like them.”

But he seemed to eat them almost daily before… Wouldn’t that count as liking them? Noticing Sehwa’s puzzlement, Ki Tae-jeong added,

“I thought of them as convenient food since their condition is so plainly visible.”

“Convenient food?”

“Yeah. Just from the crisp feeling when you bite and the degree of browning, you can tell if it’s fine or not. Didn’t I tell you before? There were many bastards who tried to mess with my food.”

“Ah… yes, I think I heard that.”

“Apples taste pretty much the same, so even if something was smeared on them, I could immediately feel the taste change when I bit down. Like, ‘ah, this is fucked up.'”

Ki Tae-jeong stretched out his arm slightly, spinning the half-eaten apple under the light.

“But now that I have something I genuinely like, I can tell for sure. This isn’t liking something.”

“Really? What did you come to like?”

The corners of Ki Tae-jeong’s smiling mouth curved crookedly. Are you really asking because you don’t know? Are you really this dense? He looked at Sehwa with exactly that kind of expression, making Sehwa furrow his brow. Ki Tae-jeong made such a fuss by even writing a certificate, but now he felt like he was the one who’s cutting down his self-esteem…

“I shouldn’t have said anything… Never mind. Come here.”

“Aren’t you going to sleep?”

“I will sleep.”

Instead of hugging him tightly from behind like before, Ki Tae-jeong leaned his upper body diagonally against the headboard and placed Sehwa’s body on top of his chest.

“This is right, isn’t it? Attachment formation and emotional stability.”

“What’s that… oh, kangaroo care?”

“Yeah.”

How about it, do you think some affection for me is developing? Ki Tae-jeong whispered softly. Sehwa covered his ears from the tickling sensation and giggled quietly.

When he rested his cheek against Ki Tae-jeong’s solid chest that seemed like it wouldn’t bleed even if stabbed, he could feel the steady beating. Thump, thump, thump. That sound, much heavier and more powerful than his own, felt similar to military boots striking the ground, and also seemed like it was constantly speaking to him.

“Um… Major General.”

“Hmm.”

“Back then… I’m sorry.”

“Back then? Did you do something that you need to apologize to me for?”

A warm heat traced down Sehwa’s bare back. Even though it was hard and the joints were protruding here and there, it was a very long and beautiful hand.

“I actually knew that you couldn’t follow me and waited in the parking lot all night, worried I might have a hard time remembering the past…”

“It’s fine that you know.”

With the hand steadily patting his back, his whole body felt like it was melting like cream. There was more he wanted to say, but the sleep he’d been deprived of came rushing in like waves, and Sehwa slowly blinked.

“Let’s sleep quickly, darling.”

“Yes. But Major General…”

“I’m not going anywhere, so tell me tomorrow.”

Ki Tae-jeong kneaded Sehwa’s buttocks, asking if he’d forgotten the certificate’s contents. Looking down at Sehwa, who was grumbling softly and burrowing into his embrace, Ki Tae-jeong thought it would be nice if he could think of a better expression than just ‘pretty.’ Not such light and frivolous words, but beautiful phrases that could praise the fierce life of this person held in his arms.

Before Sehwa fell completely asleep, he wanted to end this night with more elegant words, but nothing came to mind. His head, made lazy by indescribable satisfaction and fullness, could only think of one word no matter how much he squeezed it. So Ki Tae-jeong had no choice but to,

“I love you.”

He blurted out those plain words.

“I love you, Lee Sehwa.”

Stroking Sehwa’s round back of the head, which smelled of the same shampoo as his own, he murmured once more under his breath. He had impulsively said it a few times before, cowardly speaking it in a small voice so Lee Sehwa wouldn’t notice, but the more he thought about it, right now, at this moment, it felt like only these words would do.

The small head he thought was asleep nodded just slightly, so when he said it once more, at some point the spot where Sehwa’s cheek was pressed began to grow damp. Ki Tae-jeong had no choice but to repeat the same words over and over. He wasn’t tired of it at all, not bored at all. That sentence he never thought he’d have occasion to use in his life lingered in Ki Tae-jeong’s mouth for so long.

***

Sehwa was busy from dawn. Ki Tae-jeong had been awake from the moment Sehwa carefully lifted his body, but he deliberately kept his eyes closed. Because Lee Sehwa’s movements as he gently waved his palm in front of his face, then looked around the bedroom in relief, were unbearably cute.

– Even on high mountain peaks covered with eternal snow, flowers surprisingly bloom. Breaking through the gaps between cold rocks and ice, this flower blooms vigorously, and its name is Adonis amurensis. It is called by various names depending on the region, such as Wonilcho(New Year’s herb), Snow Lotus, and Ice Bird flower, but the name Adonis amurensis is the most widely known. Although the name feels a bit eerie at first glance, it is said to be a combination of auspicious characters meaning fortune and longevity. You can feel the people’s wish to resemble the will of this strong flower that announces spring first.

After rustling around for a while, Sehwa crept out of the room like a thief cat. It was quiet for a while, so Ki Tae-jeong wondered what he was doing, when he heard the TV turning on through the slightly open door. It seemed he had struggled because the controls were different from those at home.

Hmm. Even without looking at the clock, Ki Tae-jeong felt like he knew what time it was. According to the sitter, Sehwa watched documentaries from early hours. After Hae-rim woke up, only children’s programs were on, but when spending time alone, he insisted on watching documentary channels. He didn’t understand what was so interesting about educational broadcasts that aired briefly at dawn with no viewers.

Ki Tae-jeong closed his eyes and sharpened his senses. Where would he go now? Imagining this was a battlefield, he tried to focus all his nerves on Sehwa’s movements, but it was rather unnecessary effort. That’s because the baby’s laughter echoed from afar.

Ah. Ki Tae-jeong rubbed his dry face and got up. He had intended to keep pretending to sleep so Sehwa could look around comfortably, but he couldn’t bear it because he wanted to see the peaceful scene of Sehwa and Hae-rim playing in the newly built nursery.

– Adonis amurensis generally blooms in early April, but rarely blooms from March. In that case, there is a saying that spring comes unusually early compared to other years, and the temperature also becomes warmer.

Ki Tae-jeong completely silenced his presence and headed to the nursery. Not to startle them, but because he wanted to quietly observe Sehwa and Hae-rim’s morning.

Hae-rim was full of energy from the crack of dawn, flailing his hands to grab the mobile, while Sehwa was on tiptoes, stealthily rummaging through the dresser. Why be so careful when he could just look around comfortably?

Sehwa struggled to avoid making a sound, and finally, he let out a sigh of relief as if he had obtained his target. With arms crossed, leaning his head against the doorframe and smiling as he watched Sehwa’s struggles, Ki Tae-jeong could no longer smile when he saw what was in Sehwa’s hands as he turned around.

“Hae-rim, shall we try putting these on?”

What Sehwa had struggled to pull out were the baby shoes that Ki Tae-jeong once arbitrarily presented and made him cry endlessly.

“Huuung…”

“What’s wrong? Ah. Does it feel strange? Come to think of it, this is Hae-rim’s first time wearing shoes. But how do you put these on…”

Squatting down and fiddling with the child’s feet, Sehwa soon smiled brightly.

“Ah, so this is how you tie them.”

“Ooh, ah, hwoo…”

“Our Hae-rim will be able to wear them and walk around when he grows a little more. Right?”

– The generally known flower language of Adonis amurensis is ‘sad memories,’ but in fact, there is one more flower language that people don’t know well.

Ki Tae-jeong quietly took in the soft light pouring into the room, Sehwa smiling brightly beneath it, and the child making cute sounds that popped like star candy. The daily life he didn’t know he wanted, thought he could never have after realizing it, and had always longed for was unfolding before his eyes exactly as he had dreamed.

“Huh? Major General?”

Sehwa, who was getting up, discovered him and widened his eyes. As if he didn’t want to be caught, Sehwa fidgeted with the hem of his pajama pants and gave an awkward greeting.

“…You woke up late.”

“Mm, I did.”

“Did you… sleep well?”

“What’s with that awkward greeting?”

“Is, is that so? Should I not do this?”

“No, keep doing it. Every single day.”

At the silly words, Sehwa seemed to relax and smiled softly.

“Um, Hae-rim… I tried putting shoes on him for the first time…”

“…”

“Would you like to see too, Major General?”

With that, Sehwa carefully turned his body. It was tender permission saying it was okay for him to come in too, that they could be together. Feeling somehow choked up, Ki Tae-jeong couldn’t say anything and just nodded his head vigorously.

– That is, ‘eternal happiness.’

The man’s footsteps towards Sehwa quickened.

Ki Tae-jeong willingly jumped into the light, into that beautiful scenery that he would love forever.